FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Help me get over her!
Help me get over her!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Unwanted thoughts keep entering my mind about my ex, and I really want them to stop! So advice would be good, or just something to divert my attention would be great!
Thanks all xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Depends what thoughts they are..
Watch some porn or a horror film until the urge passes."
Just thought of how we seemed so right together, obviously not!
Porn hasn’t really done it for me since the split!
Thanks for the reply x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Take up a hobby x
Always struggled to find a hobby, but maybe this site could help me find one! Ladies, anyone want to share a hobby with me;-)"
Thanks for the reply xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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mmmm whilst I empathise with your situation do you think being on Fab and looking for what you are looking for is a good idea when clearly you have issue to resolve from the previous?
You are gonna end up hurting someone (and probably yourself, some more) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My hot videos are just the distraction you need right now  "
I’ve had a little look, but feel I need to pay better attention later
It’s a shame you’re not closer, as it’s a long way to Tip………=-) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"mmmm whilst I empathise with your situation do you think being on Fab and looking for what you are looking for is a good idea when clearly you have issue to resolve from the previous?
You are gonna end up hurting someone (and probably yourself, some more)"
I agree to an extent, but feel this is a better place to be than a dating site. I’m very honest and open to anyone I’ve spoken to about my situation and would never put anyone’s emotions at risk.
I do appreciate your thoughts though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"mmmm whilst I empathise with your situation do you think being on Fab and looking for what you are looking for is a good idea when clearly you have issue to resolve from the previous?
You are gonna end up hurting someone (and probably yourself, some more)"
I kinda agree with this forumite. However, you do need a distraction of sorts. Do something you've always wanted to do. Take a new class and learn something new or something you wouldn't have expected you to be doing!
In regards to meetings, that's all very well, may be good for one-offs. But what you seek has an element of "romance" but without the commitment and may fall fowl of someone being hurt.
You'll eventually work your way through the pain you're going through and come out of it well. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What kind of u wbated thoughts my friend?
Can help you to a degree but I ain't no therapist lol"
There sure no specific thoughts, just seeing her face everywhere. I’m past the floods of tears, why won’t she be mine stage, but she just keeps creeping in.
Thank you for the reply. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was really bad after break ups in the past but now I just think to myself I lived without them before so I will be fine and I will enjoy meeting new people"
Great piece of advice, much appreciated!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"mmmm whilst I empathise with your situation do you think being on Fab and looking for what you are looking for is a good idea when clearly you have issue to resolve from the previous?
You are gonna end up hurting someone (and probably yourself, some more)
I kinda agree with this forumite. However, you do need a distraction of sorts. Do something you've always wanted to do. Take a new class and learn something new or something you wouldn't have expected you to be doing!
In regards to meetings, that's all very well, may be good for one-offs. But what you seek has an element of "romance" but without the commitment and may fall fowl of someone being hurt.
You'll eventually work your way through the pain you're going through and come out of it well. "
Personally I wouldn't try to find a hobby or distraction unless its a short term one, all my brother done when he split from his ex of 23 years was to keep himself busy so to not think about it but 8 years later he's still single and wishes he'd just got himself back out there alot sooner |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Concentrate on working on where you want to be this time next year.
Not where you was this time last year."
Another good piece of advice. Thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"mmmm whilst I empathise with your situation do you think being on Fab and looking for what you are looking for is a good idea when clearly you have issue to resolve from the previous?
You are gonna end up hurting someone (and probably yourself, some more)
I kinda agree with this forumite. However, you do need a distraction of sorts. Do something you've always wanted to do. Take a new class and learn something new or something you wouldn't have expected you to be doing!
In regards to meetings, that's all very well, may be good for one-offs. But what you seek has an element of "romance" but without the commitment and may fall fowl of someone being hurt.
You'll eventually work your way through the pain you're going through and come out of it well. "
Thank you short stop, I’m waiting to hear back from a local college to see if I’ve been accepted on a course I’ve been thinking about for a while.
The relationship I was in was basically fwb, which developed for us both, so I understand your thoughts, I will be careful of other’s feelings, as I never want to cause any pain.
Thank you cx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"mmmm whilst I empathise with your situation do you think being on Fab and looking for what you are looking for is a good idea when clearly you have issue to resolve from the previous?
You are gonna end up hurting someone (and probably yourself, some more)
I kinda agree with this forumite. However, you do need a distraction of sorts. Do something you've always wanted to do. Take a new class and learn something new or something you wouldn't have expected you to be doing!
In regards to meetings, that's all very well, may be good for one-offs. But what you seek has an element of "romance" but without the commitment and may fall fowl of someone being hurt.
You'll eventually work your way through the pain you're going through and come out of it well.
Personally I wouldn't try to find a hobby or distraction unless its a short term one, all my brother done when he split from his ex of 23 years was to keep himself busy so to not think about it but 8 years later he's still single and wishes he'd just got himself back out there alot sooner"
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I feel for your brother, I want love but only when I’m ready, I need to be ready for heartache as when I give love I give it fully. Thank you. |
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purge/obliterate it from your mind ..accepting the past is dead and utterly irrelevant going forward usually helps ... onwards always in life .... walk towards the light always not sit in the shadows my man  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"purge/obliterate it from your mind ..accepting the past is dead and utterly irrelevant going forward usually helps ... onwards always in life .... walk towards the light always not sit in the shadows my man "
Great words and sound advice. I very much appreciate you for your reply xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I haven’t read the whole thread, so apologies if this has already been mentioned! Why not try a club? What are you doing on 5th august? Fancy trying Cupids in Manchester? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I haven’t read the whole thread, so apologies if this has already been mentioned! Why not try a club? What are you doing on 5th august? Fancy trying Cupids in Manchester?"
I have considered a club and know someone that has offered to introduce me to that world, unfortunately the 5th is out as it’s my weekend with the kid, but I do appreciate the invite xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Whatever you do don't have sex with someone new and cry about her afterwards (happened to me once; was a little awkward)."
Haha, no I couldn’t think of anything worse or more off putting. Being on here and chatting has helped, and so among other things I’m going to get involved on here more and as someone previously said step out of the shadows. Thanks for your reply x |
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"Take up a hobby x
Always struggled to find a hobby, but maybe this site could help me find one! Ladies, anyone want to share a hobby with me;-)"
What would you like to do? Language, musical instrument, reading... The internet is amazing for finding anything you want. |
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By *untogetherCouple
over a year ago
Malaga, Spain, Not in U. K. |
"Unwanted thoughts keep entering my mind about my ex, and I really want them to stop! So advice would be good, or just something to divert my attention would be great!
Thanks all xx"
God bless my mother who always told me (well, starting in my late teens early 20's) the best way to get over someone... is to get under someone...  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Unwanted thoughts keep entering my mind about my ex, and I really want them to stop! So advice would be good, or just something to divert my attention would be great!
Thanks all xx
God bless my mother who always told me (well, starting in my late teens early 20's) the best way to get over someone... is to get under someone... "
Your mother was a wise woman, as long as no one gets hurt I’d like to get under, on top, behind, in front and side by side someone! Any flights to Malaga this evening I wonder?!?! 
Thanks for your response xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Take up a hobby x
Always struggled to find a hobby, but maybe this site could help me find one! Ladies, anyone want to share a hobby with me;-)
What would you like to do? Language, musical instrument, reading... The internet is amazing for finding anything you want."
I think my hobbies should be a bit more physical, to get fitter, and also get away on the bike to do a bit more touring and seeing our country while the summer is here! Is there a fab Airbnb section??
Thanks for your response x |
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Mr here. It took me a long - VERY long time - for me to get over my ex. My method was this (results may vary)
Abstained from sex for 6 months.
Then spent two years having sex with any woman who wanted to. (My friends started called me manwhore. Which is deeply unfair as I never got paid!)
Then dated a car crash.
Then met Mrs.
Still wasn’t over ex when I was dating Mrs. (But she knew and understood the damage my ex had done, having had even worse exes herself.)
Getting laid a lot was most enjoyable even if it didn’t quite help long term. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mr here. It took me a long - VERY long time - for me to get over my ex. My method was this (results may vary)
Abstained from sex for 6 months.
Then spent two years having sex with any woman who wanted to. (My friends started called me manwhore. Which is deeply unfair as I never got paid!)
Then dated a car crash.
Then met Mrs.
Still wasn’t over ex when I was dating Mrs. (But she knew and understood the damage my ex had done, having had even worse exes herself.)
Getting laid a lot was most enjoyable even if it didn’t quite help long term."
Then you for your response Mr. I must admit the thought of sex with anyone not her was really hard to deal with to start with, but I’m getting there.
It’s just these thoughts that keep creeping in. I know it’ll get better with time and I hope to one day meet someone that will receive all the love I have to give and also give it back to me, but I guess that the dream for us all!
Again thanks. |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
Play "Neon Nights" by Black Sabbath on headphones as loud as you can permit.
That will take out any unwanted aggression.
Oh, and don't forget to have a wank to get rid of the baby juice in yer head.
Not sure it's helpful but give it a try...  |
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I feel your pain as a divorcee with two sons. And having to see ex regularly who was a very manipulative narrsasist. Was very difficult and still is. But my boys are now grown up and I've been a great dad because nothing got in the way of seeing them. As a distraction I did a degree. It did help. But putting it about never did. The best way to move forward is not to blame yourself. If you weren't right for each other you weren't. Maybe it's her issue not yours. It's very complex to go into in text here but the only way to move forward is to get your head right. Acept it wasn't meant to be because someone better is waiting for you but you won't find them till your head is in the right place. |
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"Unwanted thoughts keep entering my mind about my ex, and I really want them to stop! So advice would be good, or just something to divert my attention would be great!
Thanks all xx"
do not expect to be loved and give your love with no conditions attached.when you learn that ..the old ticker will never be broken again...lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Id say time heals nothing the only way is to get busy and distract yourself as much as you can expect it to get worse before it gets better if its resent |
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Were you on here whrn you were with her.
Reason I ask is she ex because you were on here without her knowledge as feelings could be guilt maybe obviously only you know that am just looking at it from different angl
"Unwanted thoughts keep entering my mind about my ex, and I really want them to stop! So advice would be good, or just something to divert my attention would be great!
Thanks all xx"
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Id say time heals nothing the only way is to get busy and distract yourself as much as you can expect it to get worse before it gets better if its resent "
Time just allows for other things to eventually take its place, once you stop letting it control you.
It’s nothing to do with healing, you just stop giving as many fucks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s different for everyone, they time is a great healer and it is but sometimes things that are broken just can’t be mended.
I hope you find what you are looking for  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Il be honest buddy iv broken most bones in my body had dislocations had bits of me sliced open but there is no pain greater than a broken heart i feel for you man i truly hope you find your way to manage it well good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I feel your pain as a divorcee with two sons. And having to see ex regularly who was a very manipulative narrsasist. Was very difficult and still is. But my boys are now grown up and I've been a great dad because nothing got in the way of seeing them. As a distraction I did a degree. It did help. But putting it about never did. The best way to move forward is not to blame yourself. If you weren't right for each other you weren't. Maybe it's her issue not yours. It's very complex to go into in text here but the only way to move forward is to get your head right. Acept it wasn't meant to be because someone better is waiting for you but you won't find them till your head is in the right place. "
Thanks for your response, much sense within those words. Neither party did anything wrong, and we’re both loved and cared, but me maybe more! Circumstances changed and she followed her head and heart. I don’t hate her for her decision and I knew I had to let her go. Still hurts, but less and less as days go by.
Much harder when kids are involved, and none were in this case. I hope you are in a good place.
Cheers |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hope your unwanted thoughts aren’t anything too deep.
This place is a great distraction for a while but nothing better than developing and improving yourself."
I think they are normal feelings, I want to be in a place where I can look back and have fond memories. I intend to grow, emotionally, and intellectually, just not physically
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Were you on here whrn you were with her.
Reason I ask is she ex because you were on here without her knowledge as feelings could be guilt maybe obviously only you know that am just looking at it from different angl
Unwanted thoughts keep entering my mind about my ex, and I really want them to stop! So advice would be good, or just something to divert my attention would be great!
Thanks all xx"
We visited this site but only as bystanders and no one did anything wrong. No guilt from either side, she did what she needed to do, and I understand, just wish things were different. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
Find a group of friends maybe here on Fab and they’ll help you through the good days and the bad days. I started a pub quiz social every week and from that I’ve made loads of new friends, only a few are playmates. Some of us go to a club together, we’ve helped each other through break ups, house moves, bereavements, health issues, etc.
Fab is more than just finding fun for some people, it’s about finding friends that you can discuss anything with. It’s about a coffee and a chat and a hug when you need it, or a lift to get you out the house. It’s knowing you aren’t alone and that someone will listen to you.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Il be honest buddy iv broken most bones in my body had dislocations had bits of me sliced open but there is no pain greater than a broken heart i feel for you man i truly hope you find your way to manage it well good luck "
Thank you fella, it sometimes feels like at the age of 51, a broken heart should be easy to deal with, as it’s happened before in years gone by. But this just felt so raw. I hope your body has healed well, and your heart too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Find a group of friends maybe here on Fab and they’ll help you through the good days and the bad days. I started a pub quiz social every week and from that I’ve made loads of new friends, only a few are playmates. Some of us go to a club together, we’ve helped each other through break ups, house moves, bereavements, health issues, etc.
Fab is more than just finding fun for some people, it’s about finding friends that you can discuss anything with. It’s about a coffee and a chat and a hug when you need it, or a lift to get you out the house. It’s knowing you aren’t alone and that someone will listen to you.
"
Thank you Falcon for taking the time to reply, I’m learning that this site is far more than what I thought it was. Take care xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s different for everyone, they time is a great healer and it is but sometimes things that are broken just can’t be mended.
I hope you find what you are looking for "
Thank you
So many wise and kind words from so many beautiful people xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you find the magical way to stop the thinking about the ex let me know "
I think it’s one of those things that if there was a sure fire way of dealing with it, whoever found it would be rich beyond their wildest dreams!
What I do know is, is that it hurts because there was love, and I’m glad I loved her for the time we had together! Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just find someone who's better in bed! It's amazing how that makes your forget things..............allegedly "
I’ll give it a go!!! Tough act to follow, but I’ll start getting auditions lined up |
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Design and make the life that you want, step by step, at your own pacem. Fill it with the interests and people that you want to be with. See a therapist, if you need help to clear out the clutter from the past. Establishing yourself as a single person, complete with your new life, can be a great foundation for good well-being |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Unwanted thoughts keep entering my mind about my ex, and I really want them to stop! So advice would be good, or just something to divert my attention would be great!
Thanks all xx"
Just focus on the fact that in a few months, or maybe 10-20 years , you’ll wake up one morning and think thank fuck I didn’t end up with that one |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Design and make the life that you want, step by step, at your own pacem. Fill it with the interests and people that you want to be with. See a therapist, if you need help to clear out the clutter from the past. Establishing yourself as a single person, complete with your new life, can be a great foundation for good well-being "
Thank you, that’s full of good stuff! I think many can take singing from that regardless of whether it’s heartbreak they’re dealing with or not xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Unwanted thoughts keep entering my mind about my ex, and I really want them to stop! So advice would be good, or just something to divert my attention would be great!
Thanks all xx
Just focus on the fact that in a few months, or maybe 10-20 years , you’ll wake up one morning and think thank fuck I didn’t end up with that one "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just remember, if she wanted you,she’d do everything she could do to be with you. And if she isn’t doing that, she rejected you for who you are.
How does feeling rejected sound? Now start looking to your future instead of hers. |
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As previously mentioned, talk to other women, date them, sleep with them whichever you feel comfortable with just get yourself back out there because you will soon realise that there are so many women who have alot (if not more) to offer than your ex did.
Your ex will pop into your thoughts from time to time but im guessing so do alot of peoples on here.
Is she sat at home thinking of you all the time or is she out enjoying herself? Im guessing the latter, dont let life pass you by
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By *hirleyMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
"Time is the best healer...along with someone else bouncing up and down on your cock
Typical bloke answer "
Thing is it's not true, at least not for me. I've heard similar statements from women, shagging someone else doesn't erase the person you may have cared about before.
I've been apart years from someone and still doesn't remove all of my thoughts. |
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"Unwanted thoughts keep entering my mind about my ex, and I really want them to stop! So advice would be good, or just something to divert my attention would be great!
Thanks all xx"
Remember the reason you split. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Time.
And finding something soothing to help heal your heart in the meantime. Find a productive hobby, travel solo, find yourself again.
Don’t shag some random just to make yourself feel better. It very rarely works and you’re likely to feel worse and could end up hurting an innocent party because they end up feeling used.
There is nothing wrong with being upset, hurt, crying, feeling broken and alone. You’re mourning the loss of something. You can’t magically speed up that process. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Time.
And finding something soothing to help heal your heart in the meantime. Find a productive hobby, travel solo, find yourself again.
Don’t shag some random just to make yourself feel better. It very rarely works and you’re likely to feel worse and could end up hurting an innocent party because they end up feeling used.
There is nothing wrong with being upset, hurt, crying, feeling broken and alone. You’re mourning the loss of something. You can’t magically speed up that process."
Your words themselves were soothing to read!
Thank you so much.
Xxx
Ian |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Am I wrong in thinking your a biker it’s just your username gives me big clue.
If you are try joining local bike club to get out and make friends. I ride to clear my head gives me sense of calm and freedom. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Am I wrong in thinking your a biker it’s just your username gives me big clue.
If you are try joining local bike club to get out and make friends. I ride to clear my head gives me sense of calm and freedom. "
You’re not wrong! I went in a little tour by myself a couple of weeks after the break up around the North Yorkshire dales, it was beautiful and great riding, only spoilt by the reason for this thread!! I guess your thoughts go wherever you go!
Thanks for your reply, I’ve been invited to join one but so far dates haven’t matched. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
I went through this last year, getting back in the saddle so to speak helps, but I found that having something to challenge my mind worked better, I started writing poetry, it all started out quite dark at first as I let all the upset and hurt out into words, but then it changed to more self reflective as I can out the other side |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I went through this last year, getting back in the saddle so to speak helps, but I found that having something to challenge my mind worked better, I started writing poetry, it all started out quite dark at first as I let all the upset and hurt out into words, but then it changed to more self reflective as I can out the other side"
Thanks agent, there’s no hatred, just the feeling of loss. We were essentially fb’s but both fell for each other, but I fell harder! Lives changed and she knew it couldn’t last. I used to write sexy scenarios for her, it was our version of porn, but I can’t write anything now, not yet anyway, but I will again, one day. Take care |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
"I went through this last year, getting back in the saddle so to speak helps, but I found that having something to challenge my mind worked better, I started writing poetry, it all started out quite dark at first as I let all the upset and hurt out into words, but then it changed to more self reflective as I can out the other side
Thanks agent, there’s no hatred, just the feeling of loss. We were essentially fb’s but both fell for each other, but I fell harder! Lives changed and she knew it couldn’t last. I used to write sexy scenarios for her, it was our version of porn, but I can’t write anything now, not yet anyway, but I will again, one day. Take care "
in that case buy yourself a 3d printer and print lots of useless shit, that will take your mind of everything as it can be so frustrating and rewarding at the same time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I went through this last year, getting back in the saddle so to speak helps, but I found that having something to challenge my mind worked better, I started writing poetry, it all started out quite dark at first as I let all the upset and hurt out into words, but then it changed to more self reflective as I can out the other side
Thanks agent, there’s no hatred, just the feeling of loss. We were essentially fb’s but both fell for each other, but I fell harder! Lives changed and she knew it couldn’t last. I used to write sexy scenarios for her, it was our version of porn, but I can’t write anything now, not yet anyway, but I will again, one day. Take care in that case buy yourself a 3d printer and print lots of useless shit, that will take your mind of everything as it can be so frustrating and rewarding at the same time"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Am I wrong in thinking your a biker it’s just your username gives me big clue.
If you are try joining local bike club to get out and make friends. I ride to clear my head gives me sense of calm and freedom.
You’re not wrong! I went in a little tour by myself a couple of weeks after the break up around the North Yorkshire dales, it was beautiful and great riding, only spoilt by the reason for this thread!! I guess your thoughts go wherever you go!
Thanks for your reply, I’ve been invited to join one but so far dates haven’t matched. "
Your not wrong some great places to ride locally. Like with all things time will heal hope you get through the rough times ok. |
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