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Work colleague advise
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Hi,
I was wondering if I could get some advise about a situation I am in. At work there is an older lady that I fancy. A year or so back I noticed she had made a profile on fab. I messaged her and let her know who I am. We swapped some naked pics but she decided ot might be a bit weird at work if we hooked up. I was gutted but thought it her choice and there is nothing i can do about it. We still joked around about her sitting on my face for a few hours. She even sent me a video of giving a bj.
I really want to get with her because we are both in to the same stuff sexually. She even enjoys having bi mmf threesome. Which is something i really enjoy.
The messages have stopped in the last few months and she changed her age range so she is now looking older than me but I am wondering if I should keep trying to get with her or should i just move on even though we have stopped messaging but still see each other at work. We have only messaged sexual things and never speak face to face about as there are always to many people about.
What to do? |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
"Hi,
I was wondering if I could get some advise about a situation I am in. At work there is an older lady that I fancy. A year or so back I noticed she had made a profile on fab. I messaged her and let her know who I am. We swapped some naked pics but she decided ot might be a bit weird at work if we hooked up. I was gutted but thought it her choice and there is nothing i can do about it. We still joked around about her sitting on my face for a few hours. She even sent me a video of giving a bj.
I really want to get with her because we are both in to the same stuff sexually. She even enjoys having bi mmf threesome. Which is something i really enjoy.
The messages have stopped in the last few months and she changed her age range so she is now looking older than me but I am wondering if I should keep trying to get with her or should i just move on even though we have stopped messaging but still see each other at work. We have only messaged sexual things and never speak face to face about as there are always to many people about.
What to do?"
I think of the messages have stopped and she's made it clear she's not interested she's made her position clear and you should respect that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She's already told you she'd find it weird. She's also not looking for someone your age. She probably just enjoyed teasing and flirting with you but if she was actually interested the messages wouldn't have stopped.
I'd say move on. |
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I understand that but then she will randomly send me pics of her naked and videos of her. Thats why I am confused. It will go quite for a bit and I wont message out of respect but she ends up messaging me. |
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"I understand that but then she will randomly send me pics of her naked and videos of her. Thats why I am confused. It will go quite for a bit and I wont message out of respect but she ends up messaging me."
Ah I didn't know that.
Stop all contact, she's leading you along. I really wish women wouldn't do this. |
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The thing is I have made no advances since the first few messges over a year ago but she messges me I dont she the furst text. She has my number and will just random send me a message followed by oics and videos. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I understand that but then she will randomly send me pics of her naked and videos of her. Thats why I am confused. It will go quite for a bit and I wont message out of respect but she ends up messaging me."
Why haven't you asked her on those occasions? If it happens again then approach it, if not then I'd leave her be. |
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"I understand that but then she will randomly send me pics of her naked and videos of her. Thats why I am confused. It will go quite for a bit and I wont message out of respect but she ends up messaging me.
Ah I didn't know that.
Stop all contact, she's leading you along. I really wish women wouldn't do this."
Yep agree with this totally. The gal ain't helping the sitch. Let it go and move on |
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"The thing is I have made no advances since the first few messges over a year ago but she messges me I dont she the furst text. She has my number and will just random send me a message followed by oics and videos."
Thrn block her number. Can't you see that she is just stringing you along  |
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"I understand that but then she will randomly send me pics of her naked and videos of her. Thats why I am confused. It will go quite for a bit and I wont message out of respect but she ends up messaging me."
tell her to stop sending you random pictures and videos and then block her as she sounds like she’s messing about with you I’d tell her to fuck off
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"The thing is I have made no advances since the first few messges over a year ago but she messges me I dont she the furst text. She has my number and will just random send me a message followed by oics and videos."
Next time she sends one reply, asking if she'd like to take things further. If she says no, tell her you're finding it confusing and you'd like her to stop. |
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"The thing is I have made no advances since the first few messges over a year ago but she messges me I dont she the furst text. She has my number and will just random send me a message followed by oics and videos.
Next time she sends one reply, asking if she'd like to take things further. If she says no, tell her you're finding it confusing and you'd like her to stop. "
Yep and then block and move on.
Sounds like she's stringing you along because she likes the attention.
If she had any intention of meeting it would probably happened by now.
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Ask her to stop messaging, because now, SHE'S the one making things weird and awkward.
I dunno, maybe something like "I appreciate you may get a thrill out of sending me photos and videos, but I don't want to receive them anymore. I'll delete what you've sent and we'll say no more about it"
Not excusing her in any way, but she probably thinks you get off on them and enjoy them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She has an itch that she needs scratching once in a while and you respond well to it. Apart from that, it's quite clear that she wants it to be no more than playful exchanges of photos and explicit videos.
If you can be happy with the silence in between and the occasional brief tease, then leave it be and enjoy the exchanges as and when they come. Otherwise, tell her you'd like it to stop completely and I'm sure she will respect that. |
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Thank you for the advise I think it is going to be best if i just ignore her and block her. Face to face she acts like it never happened. So going to just forget about it and move on. Its the first thing I thought but I have been told I am very bad at picking up when girls flirt with me amd coming on to me. So thought I would get others view on it before I just just ignoring here massages. |
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"Hi,
I was wondering if I could get some advise about a situation I am in. At work there is an older lady that I fancy. A year or so back I noticed she had made a profile on fab. I messaged her and let her know who I am. We swapped some naked pics but she decided ot might be a bit weird at work if we hooked up. I was gutted but thought it her choice and there is nothing i can do about it. We still joked around about her sitting on my face for a few hours. She even sent me a video of giving a bj.
I really want to get with her because we are both in to the same stuff sexually. She even enjoys having bi mmf threesome. Which is something i really enjoy.
The messages have stopped in the last few months and she changed her age range so she is now looking older than me but I am wondering if I should keep trying to get with her or should i just move on even though we have stopped messaging but still see each other at work. We have only messaged sexual things and never speak face to face about as there are always to many people about.
What to do?"
Leave her alone. |
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"Thank you for the advise I think it is going to be best if i just ignore her and block her. Face to face she acts like it never happened. So going to just forget about it and move on. Its the first thing I thought but I have been told I am very bad at picking up when girls flirt with me amd coming on to me. So thought I would get others view on it before I just just ignoring here massages. "
If it's any help from what you've said here she's probably flirting but she has absolutely no intention of following it up. That's great if both parties understand the rules of engagement but this is leaving you not understanding where you stand.
Look at it from the other side. If it was you randomly sending her explicit photos you'd probably be out on your ear and you would have been flamed on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is Someone else is missing out on the possibility of interest from you because of this? That would be a shame if there was another person that shared interests etc but your focus has been on this woman that seems to be teasing you |
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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago
Terra Firma |
"Thank you for the advise I think it is going to be best if i just ignore her and block her. Face to face she acts like it never happened. So going to just forget about it and move on. Its the first thing I thought but I have been told I am very bad at picking up when girls flirt with me amd coming on to me. So thought I would get others view on it before I just just ignoring here massages. "
I knew a woman who used to do the same, out the blue I would be in a full on message fest. Just like you, after the night of messages, nothing for ages, then boom full on videos, pics and suggestions. I called her during the messages fest on one occasion, I had a suspicion, which was confirmed when she answered, hammered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi,
I was wondering if I could get some advise about a situation I am in. At work there is an older lady that I fancy. A year or so back I noticed she had made a profile on fab. I messaged her and let her know who I am. We swapped some naked pics but she decided ot might be a bit weird at work if we hooked up. I was gutted but thought it her choice and there is nothing i can do about it. We still joked around about her sitting on my face for a few hours. She even sent me a video of giving a bj.
I really want to get with her because we are both in to the same stuff sexually. She even enjoys having bi mmf threesome. Which is something i really enjoy.
The messages have stopped in the last few months and she changed her age range so she is now looking older than me but I am wondering if I should keep trying to get with her or should i just move on even though we have stopped messaging but still see each other at work. We have only messaged sexual things and never speak face to face about as there are always to many people about.
What to do?
I think of the messages have stopped and she's made it clear she's not interested she's made her position clear and you should respect that"
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She's said she's not interested in taking it further.
She said she'd find it weird at work.
You're not in her age range.
She's stopped conversation.
I'd say that's all you need to know, question answered.
If she's now sending you videos and pictures I'd say she's enjoying the tease, enjoying keeping you dangling on a string and gets a kick out of titillating you.
Personally, if a woman gave me all those "no thank you" messages, but kept sending intimate videos and pictures I'd block her quicksmart.
I'm not anyone's solo plaything or here for anyone's personal amusement.
My dear departed dad would have said she's a pricktease, get shot of her pronto.
Winston
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She's said she's not interested in taking it further.
She said she'd find it weird at work.
You're not in her age range.
She's stopped conversation.
I'd say that's all you need to know, question answered.
If she's now sending you videos and pictures I'd say she's enjoying the tease, enjoying keeping you dangling on a string and gets a kick out of titillating you.
Personally, if a woman gave me all those "no thank you" messages, but kept sending intimate videos and pictures I'd block her quicksmart.
I'm not anyone's solo plaything or here for anyone's personal amusement.
My dear departed dad would have said she's a pricktease, get shot of her pronto.
Winston
"
I was going to say the same- but your father was wise and she’s loving the attention, probably whilst getting dicked by someone else.
Move on my friend |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is what you do. You leave her ALONE!!"
That advice goes both ways.
Would you tell someone you weren't interested, then send them intimate pictures and videos?
Winston |
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"This is what you do. You leave her ALONE!!
That advice goes both ways.
Would you tell someone you weren't interested, then send them intimate pictures and videos?
Winston "
True best to just block her number |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"Hi,
I was wondering if I could get some advise about a situation I am in. At work there is an older lady that I fancy. A year or so back I noticed she had made a profile on fab. I messaged her and let her know who I am. We swapped some naked pics but she decided ot might be a bit weird at work if we hooked up. I was gutted but thought it her choice and there is nothing i can do about it. We still joked around about her sitting on my face for a few hours. She even sent me a video of giving a bj.
I really want to get with her because we are both in to the same stuff sexually. She even enjoys having bi mmf threesome. Which is something i really enjoy.
The messages have stopped in the last few months and she changed her age range so she is now looking older than me but I am wondering if I should keep trying to get with her or should i just move on even though we have stopped messaging but still see each other at work. We have only messaged sexual things and never speak face to face about as there are always to many people about.
What to do?"
Move. On.
Its simple. She has declined your advances and even given you a reason. She doesn't want her personal and work life colliding.
If you can't respect her boundaries, or if you think your impulses are too strong to control I suggest you change employment before she reports you for harassment. |
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"Hi,
I was wondering if I could get some advise about a situation I am in. At work there is an older lady that I fancy. A year or so back I noticed she had made a profile on fab. I messaged her and let her know who I am. We swapped some naked pics but she decided ot might be a bit weird at work if we hooked up. I was gutted but thought it her choice and there is nothing i can do about it. We still joked around about her sitting on my face for a few hours. She even sent me a video of giving a bj.
I really want to get with her because we are both in to the same stuff sexually. She even enjoys having bi mmf threesome. Which is something i really enjoy.
The messages have stopped in the last few months and she changed her age range so she is now looking older than me but I am wondering if I should keep trying to get with her or should i just move on even though we have stopped messaging but still see each other at work. We have only messaged sexual things and never speak face to face about as there are always to many people about.
What to do?
Move. On.
Its simple. She has declined your advances and even given you a reason. She doesn't want her personal and work life colliding.
If you can't respect her boundaries, or if you think your impulses are too strong to control I suggest you change employment before she reports you for harassment."
Read on. I doubt she'd have much of a harassment case against him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is what you do. You leave her ALONE!!
That advice goes both ways.
Would you tell someone you weren't interested, then send them intimate pictures and videos?
Winston
True best to just block her number "
That was my advice.  |
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Shes not interested in you otherwise it would of happened by now. Shes only interested in the attention she gets from you.
Don’t message her again. If she messages you ask her straight away if she has changed her mind.
If she says no, you have a choice either continue the way things are knowing shes using you for attention and nothing else is going to come of it (and maybe just enjoy the sexting) or tell her to stop messaging you.
If she says yes than arrange a meet asap. If a meet does not get arranged and the conversation is just the same as normal, shes lying and leading you on.
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"Hi,
I was wondering if I could get some advise about a situation I am in. At work there is an older lady that I fancy. A year or so back I noticed she had made a profile on fab. I messaged her and let her know who I am. We swapped some naked pics but she decided ot might be a bit weird at work if we hooked up. I was gutted but thought it her choice and there is nothing i can do about it. We still joked around about her sitting on my face for a few hours. She even sent me a video of giving a bj.
I really want to get with her because we are both in to the same stuff sexually. She even enjoys having bi mmf threesome. Which is something i really enjoy.
The messages have stopped in the last few months and she changed her age range so she is now looking older than me but I am wondering if I should keep trying to get with her or should i just move on even though we have stopped messaging but still see each other at work. We have only messaged sexual things and never speak face to face about as there are always to many people about.
What to do?
Move. On.
Its simple. She has declined your advances and even given you a reason. She doesn't want her personal and work life colliding.
If you can't respect her boundaries, or if you think your impulses are too strong to control I suggest you change employment before she reports you for harassment.
Read on. I doubt she'd have much of a harassment case against him."
Often depends who gets to HR first. Unless the OP is willing to show the videos with date stamps. Then thats a world of hurt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I understand that but then she will randomly send me pics of her naked and videos of her. Thats why I am confused. It will go quite for a bit and I wont message out of respect but she ends up messaging me."
Has she ever acknowledged in person in even a tiny way that she has sent you pics/ chatted? Might be some odd bloke with a fake profile copying her stuff and emailing folk.
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I find it funny how. I have mentioned many times in this forum that I have made no advances or messaged her and it is the other way around. I know its not a fake profile because we used to speak about it face to face at first but then I stopped because it was going no where and more people started coming backing in the office and it got harder to speak about face to face.
For some reason most of these messages on here are saying I am the bad guy when I am not the messaging or sending naked pics and videos. I love it how most the women just assume I the one in the wrong because I am a guy. When I recieve the pics and videos I delete them and sometimes just reply saying "nice" or "looking hot" and nothing more but yet the a lot of women are saying why dont you get the message and I hate guys like you. Like I am the one sending her dick pics on whatsapp. Its the other way around. You need to read the full story before attacking me.
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"The thing is I have made no advances since the first few messges over a year ago but she messges me I dont she the furst text. She has my number and will just random send me a message followed by oics and videos."
She's making it more difficult for you to distance yourself by doing that.
Do yourself a favour and block her number, block her profile on here.
Stay cordial at work.
Move on and find someone else.
Good luck OP. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Block her and forget about her and the messages. Sounds like she is sending you pics when she is horny or has had drink and thinks at the time it's a great idea teasing you but has no intention of taking it any farther. Best approach is to just block her and forget about it. It's very annoying when people play games like that.
Also don't mix business with pleasure it's usually not worth the bother from what I've seen over the years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it funny how. I have mentioned many times in this forum that I have made no advances or messaged her and it is the other way around. I know its not a fake profile because we used to speak about it face to face at first but then I stopped because it was going no where and more people started coming backing in the office and it got harder to speak about face to face.
For some reason most of these messages on here are saying I am the bad guy when I am not the messaging or sending naked pics and videos. I love it how most the women just assume I the one in the wrong because I am a guy. When I recieve the pics and videos I delete them and sometimes just reply saying "nice" or "looking hot" and nothing more but yet the a lot of women are saying why dont you get the message and I hate guys like you. Like I am the one sending her dick pics on whatsapp. Its the other way around. You need to read the full story before attacking me.
"
What do you expect on here? Everything is always the fault of a man, anything a woman does wrong is either excused or only condemned in the mildest possible language. There are one or two around who will see through it, Nice Couple is great as you've seen here but most women on here are outright hypocrites without even realising it and the blokes are a bunch of wanbabe white nights.
The worst this woman has been called is an attention seeker and a prick tease. If you were a woman posting this and receiving unsolicited dick pics I positively garuntee you'd not be getting the abuse you are. Instead he would be described as a creap, a pervert, a dirty old man, and male behavoir in general would have taken a flaming. There would be talk of everything from him deserving violence to reporting him to the police.
The truth is this woman's behavoir is out of order and wrong. She said she didn't want to take it further, that's fine. Continuing to use you to get thrills and attention is absolutely no different a guy sending an unwanted dick pick - the fact you fancy her is irrelevant in this.
Next time she sends you pics, give her a choice of changing her mind or her behavoir. If she can't manage one of those report her to HR but ffs keep the evidence because people don't believe women can be sex offenders so will do everything to ignore the facts and twist it on you - as you see on this thread. Failing that - I believe the standard advice for dealing with a sex pest is to kick them in the genitals
Mr |
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"I find it funny how. I have mentioned many times in this forum that I have made no advances or messaged her and it is the other way around. I know its not a fake profile because we used to speak about it face to face at first but then I stopped because it was going no where and more people started coming backing in the office and it got harder to speak about face to face.
For some reason most of these messages on here are saying I am the bad guy when I am not the messaging or sending naked pics and videos. I love it how most the women just assume I the one in the wrong because I am a guy. When I recieve the pics and videos I delete them and sometimes just reply saying "nice" or "looking hot" and nothing more but yet the a lot of women are saying why dont you get the message and I hate guys like you. Like I am the one sending her dick pics on whatsapp. Its the other way around. You need to read the full story before attacking me.
"
In cases like this people are often biased towards the woman on fab, it isn't so in the outside world, for centuries women have been automatically assumed to have done something to 'get themselves in trouble". That coupled with your original post not making it clear what had actually gone on (you do quite clearly say the messages have stopped in the last few months, then say something that appears to be different later on)and people only reading that before posting is what's happened here.
You have received support and advice which you've briefly acknowledged. Good luck with the situation  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After reading on after my first comment, it definitely sounds like shes just leading you on.
The next time she does it, I would call her on her behaviour and block her if need be.
If the roles where reversed i think I would be advising you to go to the cops. |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
OP if it was me I would ask her out for a drink and make it clear that you are finding her messages confusing.Tell her either she either interested in having some adult fun with you or to stop messaging you.If you don’t want to do that then perhaps do what others have already said and just block her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it funny how. I have mentioned many times in this forum that I have made no advances or messaged her and it is the other way around. I know its not a fake profile because we used to speak about it face to face at first but then I stopped because it was going no where and more people started coming backing in the office and it got harder to speak about face to face.
For some reason most of these messages on here are saying I am the bad guy when I am not the messaging or sending naked pics and videos. I love it how most the women just assume I the one in the wrong because I am a guy. When I recieve the pics and videos I delete them and sometimes just reply saying "nice" or "looking hot" and nothing more but yet the a lot of women are saying why dont you get the message and I hate guys like you. Like I am the one sending her dick pics on whatsapp. Its the other way around. You need to read the full story before attacking me.
In cases like this people are often biased towards the woman on fab, it isn't so in the outside world, for centuries women have been automatically assumed to have done something to 'get themselves in trouble". That coupled with your original post not making it clear what had actually gone on (you do quite clearly say the messages have stopped in the last few months, then say something that appears to be different later on)and people only reading that before posting is what's happened here.
You have received support and advice which you've briefly acknowledged. Good luck with the situation "
I agree with only bits of this. I think if the OP's question were asked of anyone in authority in the outside world the reactions would be roughly the same as on here. I agree that historically this wouldn't be the case and I agree that women have endured centuries of injustice though I'm not at all sure what the relevance of this is? It suggests an attitude of "we've put up with it for years so it's your turn now" which may be understandable but isn't a particularly defensible position.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi,
I was wondering if I could get some advise about a situation I am in. At work there is an older lady that I fancy. A year or so back I noticed she had made a profile on fab. I messaged her and let her know who I am. We swapped some naked pics but she decided ot might be a bit weird at work if we hooked up. I was gutted but thought it her choice and there is nothing i can do about it. We still joked around about her sitting on my face for a few hours. She even sent me a video of giving a bj.
I really want to get with her because we are both in to the same stuff sexually. She even enjoys having bi mmf threesome. Which is something i really enjoy.
The messages have stopped in the last few months and she changed her age range so she is now looking older than me but I am wondering if I should keep trying to get with her or should i just move on even though we have stopped messaging but still see each other at work. We have only messaged sexual things and never speak face to face about as there are always to many people about.
What to do?
Move. On.
Its simple. She has declined your advances and even given you a reason. She doesn't want her personal and work life colliding.
If you can't respect her boundaries, or if you think your impulses are too strong to control I suggest you change employment before she reports you for harassment.
Read on. I doubt she'd have much of a harassment case against him."
Some people really don't read how a thread develops and unfolds before commenting.
I always think that can lead to you been completely off the mark like in this case.
Considering OP cut contact and didn't respond even when she has been the one sending nude pictures and videos it would be her who potentially could be looked into for harassment.
If that was the other way round and a lady stopped responding cut contact and the guy continued to send unsolicited nude pics and videos as and when he felt like it he would have been hung, drawn and quartered by the fab forum.
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"I find it funny how. I have mentioned many times in this forum that I have made no advances or messaged her and it is the other way around. I know its not a fake profile because we used to speak about it face to face at first but then I stopped because it was going no where and more people started coming backing in the office and it got harder to speak about face to face.
For some reason most of these messages on here are saying I am the bad guy when I am not the messaging or sending naked pics and videos. I love it how most the women just assume I the one in the wrong because I am a guy. When I recieve the pics and videos I delete them and sometimes just reply saying "nice" or "looking hot" and nothing more but yet the a lot of women are saying why dont you get the message and I hate guys like you. Like I am the one sending her dick pics on whatsapp. Its the other way around. You need to read the full story before attacking me.
In cases like this people are often biased towards the woman on fab, it isn't so in the outside world, for centuries women have been automatically assumed to have done something to 'get themselves in trouble". That coupled with your original post not making it clear what had actually gone on (you do quite clearly say the messages have stopped in the last few months, then say something that appears to be different later on)and people only reading that before posting is what's happened here.
You have received support and advice which you've briefly acknowledged. Good luck with the situation
I agree with only bits of this. I think if the OP's question were asked of anyone in authority in the outside world the reactions would be roughly the same as on here. I agree that historically this wouldn't be the case and I agree that women have endured centuries of injustice though I'm not at all sure what the relevance of this is? It suggests an attitude of "we've put up with it for years so it's your turn now" which may be understandable but isn't a particularly defensible position.
Mr"
It wasn't my intention to suggest that "we've put up with it for years so its your turn now" I was perhaps clumsily, trying to illustrate that the bias against men isn't necessarily reflected outside of fab and that might go some way to explaining some of the responses.
Your experience is that the ops question would have elicited the same reaction from those in authority in the outside world, my experience has been very different. That in part is the reason I said earlier that I wish women wouldn't behave like this it muddies the waters. |
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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago
Terra Firma |
"I think the OP replying "nice" or "looking hot" encourages her to keep sending them"
Or he could be a nice guy who doesn't know how best to react, which was the point of his post.
I would agree that interaction is probably fuelling the flames and I encourage him to block her phone number on whatsapp and anywhere else she can interact with him.
I won't blame him for her sending unsolicited nudes and videos though. |
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"I think the OP replying "nice" or "looking hot" encourages her to keep sending them
Or he could be a nice guy who doesn't know how best to react, which was the point of his post.
I would agree that interaction is probably fuelling the flames and I encourage him to block her phone number on whatsapp and anywhere else she can interact with him.
I won't blame him for her sending unsolicited nudes and videos though. "
Agree on both points, so I quote my earlier post which got totally ignored by the OP (Unless I missed it)
Ask her to stop messaging, because now, SHE'S the one making things weird and awkward.
I dunno, maybe something like "I appreciate you may get a thrill out of sending me photos and videos, but I don't want to receive them anymore. I'll delete what you've sent and we'll say no more about it"
Not excusing her in any way, but she probably thinks you get off on them and enjoy them.
(Which has now been confirmed by him responding positively to them, even if out of politeness)
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"I think the OP replying "nice" or "looking hot" encourages her to keep sending them
Or he could be a nice guy who doesn't know how best to react, which was the point of his post.
I would agree that interaction is probably fuelling the flames and I encourage him to block her phone number on whatsapp and anywhere else she can interact with him.
I won't blame him for her sending unsolicited nudes and videos though.
Agree on both points, so I quote my earlier post which got totally ignored by the OP (Unless I missed it)
Ask her to stop messaging, because now, SHE'S the one making things weird and awkward.
I dunno, maybe something like "I appreciate you may get a thrill out of sending me photos and videos, but I don't want to receive them anymore. I'll delete what you've sent and we'll say no more about it"
Not excusing her in any way, but she probably thinks you get off on them and enjoy them.
(Which has now been confirmed by him responding positively to them, even if out of politeness)
"
But if the situation was reversed and she was responding politely to him sending photos (which a lot of women would do to save awkwardness at work) and he thought she was enjoying them the guy would be villified.
There are undoubtedly mixed messages from both sides here which someone needs to put a stop to but as has been said, she's the one sending the photos. |
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"I think the OP replying "nice" or "looking hot" encourages her to keep sending them
Or he could be a nice guy who doesn't know how best to react, which was the point of his post.
I would agree that interaction is probably fuelling the flames and I encourage him to block her phone number on whatsapp and anywhere else she can interact with him.
I won't blame him for her sending unsolicited nudes and videos though.
Agree on both points, so I quote my earlier post which got totally ignored by the OP (Unless I missed it)
Ask her to stop messaging, because now, SHE'S the one making things weird and awkward.
I dunno, maybe something like "I appreciate you may get a thrill out of sending me photos and videos, but I don't want to receive them anymore. I'll delete what you've sent and we'll say no more about it"
Not excusing her in any way, but she probably thinks you get off on them and enjoy them.
(Which has now been confirmed by him responding positively to them, even if out of politeness)
But if the situation was reversed and she was responding politely to him sending photos (which a lot of women would do to save awkwardness at work) and he thought she was enjoying them the guy would be villified.
There are undoubtedly mixed messages from both sides here which someone needs to put a stop to but as has been said, she's the one sending the photos. "
Again, totally agree.
And the advice would be to try to resolve respectfully but filmy before blocking.
Also not to get involved with work folk.
Also, if it were to continue or to get creepy, to contact HR or the police. Which the OP is well within his rights to do.
Main thing tho, do not encourage behaviour with positive reinforcement, that's why I gave a mock reply, to leave communication open for her to give a response to put the situation to bed, and hopefully leave them both knowing the new boundaries of the working relationship and beyond.
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^^ I could not agree more with your statement 'do not encourage behaviour with positive reinforcement '. It's a lesson we'd all do well to learn. It's difficult because the stock reply from people behaving poorly is often "why are you being unkind?"and we're all conditioned to be 'nice'. |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"I find it funny how. I have mentioned many times in this forum that I have made no advances or messaged her and it is the other way around. I know its not a fake profile because we used to speak about it face to face at first but then I stopped because it was going no where and more people started coming backing in the office and it got harder to speak about face to face.
For some reason most of these messages on here are saying I am the bad guy when I am not the messaging or sending naked pics and videos. I love it how most the women just assume I the one in the wrong because I am a guy. When I recieve the pics and videos I delete them and sometimes just reply saying "nice" or "looking hot" and nothing more but yet the a lot of women are saying why dont you get the message and I hate guys like you. Like I am the one sending her dick pics on whatsapp. Its the other way around. You need to read the full story before attacking me.
"
I try and be objective as possible. After all we only have one side of this story. The lady in question may have her own truth. I do agree you should cut all non professional ties with this lady if possible. From your description it seems quite unhealthy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
It wasn't my intention to suggest that "we've put up with it for years so its your turn now" I was perhaps clumsily, trying to illustrate that the bias against men isn't necessarily reflected outside of fab and that might go some way to explaining some of the responses.
Your experience is that the ops question would have elicited the same reaction from those in authority in the outside world, my experience has been very different. That in part is the reason I said earlier that I wish women wouldn't behave like this it muddies the waters."
I really do like talking with you - I feel I can say something and it isn't taken as a dig but instead you respond to the words typed rather than how they make you feel so thank you.
I agree on the muddying the water though I think your wish has little chance of being granted. While things like murder are universally condemned, in any society there will always be a fuzzy boundary between what is and isn't acceptable. Sadly we tend to react as strongly to behavoir that is just across our personal boundary as we do the begavoir that is universally accepted as immoral. This lady may be muddying the water but then she may not be happy about men being told its intimidating and wrong to wolf whistle (to pick another example of a topic with very mixed views on what is or isn't right)
If only we could find a way to examine a given behavoir, recognise that it falls in that fuzzy area and be prepared to accept that our opinion on it isn't a universal given and make more effort to understand how those around is are likely to view it/be affected by it.
Another wish with zero chance of being granted
Mr |
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Thank you for all the messages and advice. I have now blocked her so she cant contact me and will leave it at that. If she mentions it at work I will let her know how I feel.
Again thank you to everyone who messaged. I didn't expect so many people would get involved. It good to see you can always count on the lovely people on fab to help you out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi,
I was wondering if I could get some advise about a situation I am in. At work there is an older lady that I fancy. A year or so back I noticed she had made a profile on fab. I messaged her and let her know who I am. We swapped some naked pics but she decided ot might be a bit weird at work if we hooked up. I was gutted but thought it her choice and there is nothing i can do about it. We still joked around about her sitting on my face for a few hours. She even sent me a video of giving a bj.
I really want to get with her because we are both in to the same stuff sexually. She even enjoys having bi mmf threesome. Which is something i really enjoy.
The messages have stopped in the last few months and she changed her age range so she is now looking older than me but I am wondering if I should keep trying to get with her or should i just move on even though we have stopped messaging but still see each other at work. We have only messaged sexual things and never speak face to face about as there are always to many people about.
What to do?"
Ship has sailed. Move on to the next one. |
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"
It wasn't my intention to suggest that "we've put up with it for years so its your turn now" I was perhaps clumsily, trying to illustrate that the bias against men isn't necessarily reflected outside of fab and that might go some way to explaining some of the responses.
Your experience is that the ops question would have elicited the same reaction from those in authority in the outside world, my experience has been very different. That in part is the reason I said earlier that I wish women wouldn't behave like this it muddies the waters.
I really do like talking with you - I feel I can say something and it isn't taken as a dig but instead you respond to the words typed rather than how they make you feel so thank you.
I agree on the muddying the water though I think your wish has little chance of being granted. While things like murder are universally condemned, in any society there will always be a fuzzy boundary between what is and isn't acceptable. Sadly we tend to react as strongly to behavoir that is just across our personal boundary as we do the begavoir that is universally accepted as immoral. This lady may be muddying the water but then she may not be happy about men being told its intimidating and wrong to wolf whistle (to pick another example of a topic with very mixed views on what is or isn't right)
If only we could find a way to examine a given behavoir, recognise that it falls in that fuzzy area and be prepared to accept that our opinion on it isn't a universal given and make more effort to understand how those around is are likely to view it/be affected by it.
Another wish with zero chance of being granted
Mr"
Well, thank you also
I agree with what you say.  |
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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago
Terra Firma |
"
It wasn't my intention to suggest that "we've put up with it for years so its your turn now" I was perhaps clumsily, trying to illustrate that the bias against men isn't necessarily reflected outside of fab and that might go some way to explaining some of the responses.
Your experience is that the ops question would have elicited the same reaction from those in authority in the outside world, my experience has been very different. That in part is the reason I said earlier that I wish women wouldn't behave like this it muddies the waters.
I really do like talking with you - I feel I can say something and it isn't taken as a dig but instead you respond to the words typed rather than how they make you feel so thank you.
I agree on the muddying the water though I think your wish has little chance of being granted. While things like murder are universally condemned, in any society there will always be a fuzzy boundary between what is and isn't acceptable. Sadly we tend to react as strongly to behavoir that is just across our personal boundary as we do the begavoir that is universally accepted as immoral. This lady may be muddying the water but then she may not be happy about men being told its intimidating and wrong to wolf whistle (to pick another example of a topic with very mixed views on what is or isn't right)
If only we could find a way to examine a given behavoir, recognise that it falls in that fuzzy area and be prepared to accept that our opinion on it isn't a universal given and make more effort to understand how those around is are likely to view it/be affected by it.
Another wish with zero chance of being granted
Mr
Well, thank you also
I agree with what you say. "
Don't close the thread, I'm going to get my printer out and get this framed. Agreement, mutual respect and wisdom! Never been seen before and will be worth a fortune to the right bidder |
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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
over a year ago
Milton Keynes |
You said she has never mentioned it when you seen her face to face at work?
That sort of should ring the alarm bells
She said no to meeting in person
Bells should get deafeningly loud
Now if it is her actually messaging you she is probably great full of the attention
But I may suspect it’s not her
I think it’s maybe someone else possibly ex bf or something
The only way to be 100% is ask her face to face
That way if it’s not her you be the hero in outing a fraudster using her as catfish bait
If it is her she may be waiting for a physical interaction rather than cyber sex !!
I advise you tread carefully though as it could be constrood as sexual harassment in the workplace which is instant dismissal under employment law
If was me I would block and move on |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"Thank you for all the messages and advice. I have now blocked her so she cant contact me and will leave it at that. If she mentions it at work I will let her know how I feel.
Again thank you to everyone who messaged. I didn't expect so many people would get involved. It good to see you can always count on the lovely people on fab to help you out."
Best solution. I would have maybe dropped a courtesy text in first to let her know of your intentions.
Hopefully this will not adversely affect your working relationship going forward. To be extra safe I would delete all the pics and videos she sent to you too. Removes temptation to restart things and any thoughts that they may be held over her. (Don't want to be on the wrong side of a revenge porn accusation - even an unfounded one)
All the best fella. |
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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
over a year ago
Milton Keynes |
"Thank you for all the messages and advice. I have now blocked her so she cant contact me and will leave it at that. If she mentions it at work I will let her know how I feel.
Again thank you to everyone who messaged. I didn't expect so many people would get involved. It good to see you can always count on the lovely people on fab to help you out.
Best solution. I would have maybe dropped a courtesy text in first to let her know of your intentions.
Hopefully this will not adversely affect your working relationship going forward. To be extra safe I would delete all the pics and videos she sent to you too. Removes temptation to restart things and any thoughts that they may be held over her. (Don't want to be on the wrong side of a revenge porn accusation - even an unfounded one)
All the best fella."
Bad advice
Do not delete messages txt pics etc
It’s the only evidence you have if thing get on top !!
If you can prove that the messages etc were reciprocated then there will be no further action taken against you !
Just what ever you do DO NOT SHOW THEM TO ANYONE EVER!! Unless it’s to prove your innocence! |
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