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Sexless Marriage
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?"
Is she aware you're on here? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?"
My view is A) simply fuck everyone else's view! Especially B) "expert" swingers who proclaim deep and meaningful love and trust but who need to fuck other people to get their jellies. Nothing wrong with that because they are doing what they want and that brings me back round to A).  |
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?"
So you obviously cherish getting your dick wet over your relationship? If you're happy with that then crack on, but the majority on here aren't interested in dishonest people and getting involved in that sort of mess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?
So you obviously cherish getting your dick wet over your relationship? If you're happy with that then crack on, but the majority on here aren't interested in dishonest people and getting involved in that sort of mess."
As Fabrizio would say 'here we go'. |
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?"
So you don't see anything wrong with cheating on your wife and if she found out breaking her heart .... she deserves better maybe try talking to her about your sexless marriage oh and at least put it on your profile so we know your married ... |
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I am in a virtually sexless marriage. I think my husband struggles to cope with my sex drive and has given up.
I love him and I love our relationship. He struggles to talk about our relationship and has refused to consider marriage counselling.
I use fab as a way to help me manage my sex drive. People live the other side of the World from me so the temptation to meet isn't even a consideration.
I play on cam and chat in the rooms.
Intimacy and sexual contact is such a huge part of our lives and the thought of living the rest of my life without it terrifies me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I live in hope that there is a lady in the same situation "
So many righteous people on their high horses making ill informed judgements. You have to do what you have to do. You love your wife but you need sex - it’s a horrible predicament and I understand where you’re coming from. Most don’t. |
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?"
Take a look at the thread I have running titled "not wanting sex"
There are real people giving real examples of why they didn't want sex with their partner. Maybe something in there will strike a chord with you and help you understand your wife.
Would you consider couples counselling or talking things through with your wife to come to compromise rather than risking your marriage completely? |
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By *omer47Man
over a year ago
leigh |
"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?"
If its a female in your position, (in a sexless marriage),on here no one would say anything to her, but as its a male in a sexless marriage on here, look at how many females and couples will start to slate you for what you are doing. It your life and marriage so you have to do what best for you.
Oh and I wonder how many guys/couples and even females that have met married/attached females/girlfriends on here and don't judge them like they would a guy. |
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?
If its a female in your position, (in a sexless marriage),on here no one would say anything to her, but as its a male in a sexless marriage on here, look at how many females and couples will start to slate you for what you are doing. It your life and marriage so you have to do what best for you.
Oh and I wonder how many guys/couples and even females that have met married/attached females/girlfriends on here and don't judge them like they would a guy."
Thank you I expected to get judged but put it out there anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?
If its a female in your position, (in a sexless marriage),on here no one would say anything to her, but as its a male in a sexless marriage on here, look at how many females and couples will start to slate you for what you are doing. It your life and marriage so you have to do what best for you.
Oh and I wonder how many guys/couples and even females that have met married/attached females/girlfriends on here and don't judge them like they would a guy."
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?
If its a female in your position, (in a sexless marriage),on here no one would say anything to her, but as its a male in a sexless marriage on here, look at how many females and couples will start to slate you for what you are doing. It your life and marriage so you have to do what best for you.
Oh and I wonder how many guys/couples and even females that have met married/attached females/girlfriends on here and don't judge them like they would a guy."
I do think you're incredibly misguided there with regard to women saying the same thing.
Yes, they'll have more people telling them good on them, generally blokes who couldn't give a fuck about their personal lives as long as they've got a chance of giving her a dicking.
I've seen women get the stern talking to as well as being offered advice. Same as I've seen men get.
Trying to divide by gender to justify wrongdoing doesn't make it any less wrongdoing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?
Take a look at the thread I have running titled "not wanting sex"
There are real people giving real examples of why they didn't want sex with their partner. Maybe something in there will strike a chord with you and help you understand your wife.
Would you consider couples counselling or talking things through with your wife to come to compromise rather than risking your marriage completely? "
This often gets proposed but I wonder how many people would actually come on a swinger site, clearly struggling with their emotions without having already considered and suggested (probably multiple times) that they and their loved one try counselling?
In my experience (and that of dozens of other similar threads) it's not an option because the person withholding sex refuses it. I understand where you're coming from PP, and God knows you've put up with shit in your relationships but that isn't the issue.
If a relationship has all the issues that you and others have posted on that other thread I'd suggest that getting out is the best solution, not weaponising sex to try and regain some personal autonomy.
On the other hand, where a relationship is otherwise happy and loving, withholding sex is a nasty and cruel behaviour. The way to tell that it is withholding and not a genuine medical issue is exactly the refusal to enter into any kind of discussion - particularly with a HCP.
There's a perfect example on the other thread about sexless marriage where his wife has told him to go to the doctors to get rid of his libido but refuses to go with him. The reason these people refuse to see a doctor or a counsellor is this first requires admitting that there is the tiniest possibility that maybe, just maybe, they're are a tiny wheeny bit responsible. By refusing to see anyone they're able to maintain the inner lie that none of the issues in the relationship are anything to do with them, they are the perfect partner and any problems are entirely the fault of the other party.
OP, on the sinton that you're not an abusive cunt and deserve to be treated like one, I'd suggest having a freak and honest discussion with your partner, be clear that you'll support her in every way you can but this us a marriage and that requires her to support you too and be Pen to excluding solutions with you. I wouldn't hold your breath, my ex wife, when given the choice between me leaving and trying counselling, chose to watch me walk. In her mind of course I left because we didn't have enough sex because maintaining that belief that she was capable of doing nothing to prevent me leaving is very important to her.
Good luck.
Mr |
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?
Take a look at the thread I have running titled "not wanting sex"
There are real people giving real examples of why they didn't want sex with their partner. Maybe something in there will strike a chord with you and help you understand your wife.
Would you consider couples counselling or talking things through with your wife to come to compromise rather than risking your marriage completely?
This often gets proposed but I wonder how many people would actually come on a swinger site, clearly struggling with their emotions without having already considered and suggested (probably multiple times) that they and their loved one try counselling?
In my experience (and that of dozens of other similar threads) it's not an option because the person withholding sex refuses it. I understand where you're coming from PP, and God knows you've put up with shit in your relationships but that isn't the issue.
If a relationship has all the issues that you and others have posted on that other thread I'd suggest that getting out is the best solution, not weaponising sex to try and regain some personal autonomy.
On the other hand, where a relationship is otherwise happy and loving, withholding sex is a nasty and cruel behaviour. The way to tell that it is withholding and not a genuine medical issue is exactly the refusal to enter into any kind of discussion - particularly with a HCP.
There's a perfect example on the other thread about sexless marriage where his wife has told him to go to the doctors to get rid of his libido but refuses to go with him. The reason these people refuse to see a doctor or a counsellor is this first requires admitting that there is the tiniest possibility that maybe, just maybe, they're are a tiny wheeny bit responsible. By refusing to see anyone they're able to maintain the inner lie that none of the issues in the relationship are anything to do with them, they are the perfect partner and any problems are entirely the fault of the other party.
OP, on the sinton that you're not an abusive cunt and deserve to be treated like one, I'd suggest having a freak and honest discussion with your partner, be clear that you'll support her in every way you can but this us a marriage and that requires her to support you too and be Pen to excluding solutions with you. I wouldn't hold your breath, my ex wife, when given the choice between me leaving and trying counselling, chose to watch me walk. In her mind of course I left because we didn't have enough sex because maintaining that belief that she was capable of doing nothing to prevent me leaving is very important to her.
Good luck.
Mr"
I totally appreciate your view, I really do. I ask the question about counselling because I've spoken to so many people who haven't even considered it, let alone broached the subject with their partner.
Hardly any have done any research whatsoever on medical issues (including menopause or depression)
Withholding sex to be cruel, is of course cruel. I'm not sure I'd class not wanting sex the same as withholding though. Not wanting usually has subconscious reasoning behind it, which, without deeper delving may not become obvious. |
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?"
As long as your open and honest with the Mrs then no issue.
If you have to lie and deceive then you have little respect for your marriage and wife as you'd risk it all, personally wouldn't meet anyone in that position |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my view is do what you want, fuck what anyone else thinks, get right up my nose when people on here have to be so critical, I bet some of the people you are judging you are probably doing the same thing, but to guttless and spineless to admit it! to as in said at the beginning, if you suits you then crack on mate. and fuck what anyone else says |
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?"
Is she in the same position as you? Why don't you introduce her to fabs and play as a couple? Problem solved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I live in hope that there is a lady in the same situation
So many righteous people on their high horses making ill informed judgements. You have to do what you have to do. You love your wife but you need sex - it’s a horrible predicament and I understand where you’re coming from. Most don’t."
Ohh poor me i need sex, how do you think us long term singles manage? Some of us have only had sex a few times in 10 years but we have to put up with it. Come back to us when you have a real lack of a sex life like a lot of us!!! |
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My old mum bless her used to say something along the lines of...
"it's amazing how much effort people are willing to put into a new relationship/affair/etc, if they only put the same amount of effort into their existing one"....
Now... My experience is... There's some truth in that... But if one of them isn't prepared to make any effort it matters not how much effort the other is prepared to invest. Counselling works when people want it to work and fails if they don't but it's a bit of gesture counselling.
If only the answer were as easy as... Just leave. |
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"I am in a virtually sexless marriage. I think my husband struggles to cope with my sex drive and has given up.
I love him and I love our relationship. He struggles to talk about our relationship and has refused to consider marriage counselling.
I use fab as a way to help me manage my sex drive. People live the other side of the World from me so the temptation to meet isn't even a consideration.
I play on cam and chat in the rooms.
Intimacy and sexual contact is such a huge part of our lives and the thought of living the rest of my life without it terrifies me. "
I couldn't of put this better. X |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"my view is do what you want, fuck what anyone else thinks, get right up my nose when people on here have to be so critical, I bet some of the people you are judging you are probably doing the same thing, but to guttless and spineless to admit it! to as in said at the beginning, if you suits you then crack on mate. and fuck what anyone else says "
I kind of agree with you - asking for advice from people who do not know the entire story (and as an outside we never do know the full story, especially when only hearing one side) just does not make sense and will bring out judgment.
Personally I do not want to meet attached people, but why on earth I would judge anybody for their behaviours which do not affect me....?
OP, do what you feel is right and take into consideration what some have suggested in terms of open talk w partner/ counselling etc if you want to fix the relationship but bottom line is do what YOU think is right for you.
Last thing you need is being judged.
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"my view is do what you want, fuck what anyone else thinks, get right up my nose when people on here have to be so critical, I bet some of the people you are judging you are probably doing the same thing, but to guttless and spineless to admit it! to as in said at the beginning, if you suits you then crack on mate. and fuck what anyone else says
I kind of agree with you - asking for advice from people who do not know the entire story (and as an outside we never do know the full story, especially when only hearing one side) just does not make sense and will bring out judgment.
Personally I do not want to meet attached people, but why on earth I would judge anybody for their behaviours which do not affect me....?
OP, do what you feel is right and take into consideration what some have suggested in terms of open talk w partner/ counselling etc if you want to fix the relationship but bottom line is do what YOU think is right for you.
Last thing you need is being judged.
"
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"my view is do what you want, fuck what anyone else thinks, get right up my nose when people on here have to be so critical, I bet some of the people you are judging you are probably doing the same thing, but to guttless and spineless to admit it! to as in said at the beginning, if you suits you then crack on mate. and fuck what anyone else says "
Doing the same?
No. I am someone who was faithful for 11 years and was left with one parting gift when the relationship was finally over. Chlamydia from him cheating on me. If trying to offer advice or getting someone to rethink before they act, by showing people there's help out there for struggling couples (even in the form of a podacast from a couples psychologist) stops another person being in the situation I was, then yeah, I'll speak up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?
Take a look at the thread I have running titled "not wanting sex"
There are real people giving real examples of why they didn't want sex with their partner. Maybe something in there will strike a chord with you and help you understand your wife.
Would you consider couples counselling or talking things through with your wife to come to compromise rather than risking your marriage completely?
This often gets proposed but I wonder how many people would actually come on a swinger site, clearly struggling with their emotions without having already considered and suggested (probably multiple times) that they and their loved one try counselling?
In my experience (and that of dozens of other similar threads) it's not an option because the person withholding sex refuses it. I understand where you're coming from PP, and God knows you've put up with shit in your relationships but that isn't the issue.
If a relationship has all the issues that you and others have posted on that other thread I'd suggest that getting out is the best solution, not weaponising sex to try and regain some personal autonomy.
On the other hand, where a relationship is otherwise happy and loving, withholding sex is a nasty and cruel behaviour. The way to tell that it is withholding and not a genuine medical issue is exactly the refusal to enter into any kind of discussion - particularly with a HCP.
There's a perfect example on the other thread about sexless marriage where his wife has told him to go to the doctors to get rid of his libido but refuses to go with him. The reason these people refuse to see a doctor or a counsellor is this first requires admitting that there is the tiniest possibility that maybe, just maybe, they're are a tiny wheeny bit responsible. By refusing to see anyone they're able to maintain the inner lie that none of the issues in the relationship are anything to do with them, they are the perfect partner and any problems are entirely the fault of the other party.
OP, on the sinton that you're not an abusive cunt and deserve to be treated like one, I'd suggest having a freak and honest discussion with your partner, be clear that you'll support her in every way you can but this us a marriage and that requires her to support you too and be Pen to excluding solutions with you. I wouldn't hold your breath, my ex wife, when given the choice between me leaving and trying counselling, chose to watch me walk. In her mind of course I left because we didn't have enough sex because maintaining that belief that she was capable of doing nothing to prevent me leaving is very important to her.
Good luck.
Mr"
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Do what you need to do.
Think about what could happen if your partner finds out.
Weigh up the pros and cons.
I know men and women who cheated and their partners forgave them.
I know others who left their partners for other people.
I know people who left their cheating partners.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it makes you feel better she is probably getting loads of cock,which is why she doesnt need yours.
How is this helpful? "
Might make him reise how she would feel if he goes behind her back.
Probably just a bullshit reason as to why he has to be discreet anyway. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"Surely it can't just be me in this situation "
No op it's not just you
There are several threads like this running ,you won't get the justification you're seeking though as many have been on the other side of cheating .
Why not sit down with your wife and lay it down that you're not prepared to live without sex .see if she will let you seek sex elsewhere without the need to cheat.
Just be aware if you do cheat and she finds out,you will have to deal with any consequences. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"If it makes you feel better she is probably getting loads of cock,which is why she doesnt need yours.
How is this helpful?
Might make him reise how she would feel if he goes behind her back.
Probably just a bullshit reason as to why he has to be discreet anyway."
Might make him reise how she would feel if he goes behind her back.
ok, I understand what you were saying |
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That's impossible to answer without some background why is your marriage sexless? How does your partner feel about a sexless marriage, how would they feel if you were seeking sex elsewhere, are they seeking sex elsewhere which is why it's a sexless marriage |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I totally appreciate your view, I really do. I ask the question about counselling because I've spoken to so many people who haven't even considered it, let alone broached the subject with their partner.
Hardly any have done any research whatsoever on medical issues (including menopause or depression)
Withholding sex to be cruel, is of course cruel. I'm not sure I'd class not wanting sex the same as withholding though. Not wanting usually has subconscious reasoning behind it, which, without deeper delving may not become obvious. "
And I totally understand your point of view. I don't want sex when I'm feeling upset or hurt by my partner. However, in a good relationship this should be a very rare occurrence. If your partner tells you that the lack of intimacy is affecting them then a good partner would care enough about this to do that deeper delving into subconscious reasons. A failure to do so is ultimately a declaration that you don't care enough about your partners feelings to want to try and resolve the problem and help them feel better.
I've used the word intimacy because that is the real problem - not sex. I have a relationship now where intimacy is a routine part of the day and one that is nearly always shown without leading to sex. While some medications and mental/physical health issues undoubtedly affect libido I don't actually agree they affect the ability to show intimacy - that is simply an expression of how you feel about your partner, you don't just love them for what they give you, you love them for everything they are. You want to inhale the scent of their skin, to feel their whole body pressed against you when you hug,to share a kiss which shows they're your love, not just your relative to give their bum a cheeky squeeze just because you think it looks cute etc.
My ex tried to lay all the blame for our issues on the menopause brought about by an early hystorectomy. This totally ignored the real facts. Even before she had the op we had discussed the fact that we already had major issues around sex and were worried the op would make them worse. It ignored the fact that we had just as much sex im the years after she went through the menopause as we did in the early years of our marriage. It also ignores the fact that the first discussion I remember on the topic was on our honey moon and even then I failed to get her to understand I wasn't complaining about not having sex (we were on a safari and the early starts and late nights were not exactly ideal for it) but that I felt most days like I was away with my sister, not my newly wed wife. No one looking at us together would have guessed we were newly weds. For us at least the menopause simply meant a cast iron reason for not making any effort to resolve the issue. When you love someone though it's amazing how much hurt you'll accept when they tell you they have no intention of being any different and you know it really is a case of put up or shut up - and that is the attitude I say is cruel.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm in a sexless marriage but am totally happy with life and my marriage other than that I'm looking for someone in the same position. I dont see anything wrong with that what's your views?"
Not read the other comments, but you're not totally happy with your marriage and life are you ?
Totally happy means you wouldn't change anything, and you sound like you want to change the fact your life is sexless.
Before you're honest with your wife, you probably need to be honest with yourself. |
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Unfortunately OP you will get judgement from everywhere especially on here. None of us know the in's and out's of your life and marriage.
You need to way up the pro's and con's. What would happen if she found out..
Unfortunately your in a catch 22 damned if you do, damned if you don't as the saying goes.
How would you feel if she was doing the same?
You need to face the big questions.
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