FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Jealousy
Jealousy
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I realise that this topic has been talked about in the past but I think that it’s always a relevant topic on here.
How do you deal with feelings of jealousy, envy or possessiveness?
I realise that they’re different emotions but I feel that they come from the same source; feeling insecure or latent insecurities, that then often get pushed on to others.
I feel that if we’re honest with ourselves, these emotions present more often than we like to admit.
So how do you deal with them, if you do? Are they a part of your dynamic and ‘help’? Are they something that you’ve dealt with? Do you simply not engage with them?
Your thoughts please folks… |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I don't feel jealousy. I sometimes get the can't wait for it to be me feeling when my friend tells me what he's been doing with other women.
I wasn't jealous when my husband told me he was having an affair either.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to never get jelous then went thru a jealous phase now i dont really let myself get close enough to bother i link it to my overly competitive nature 35 years of competitive sport can do that to someone i suppose it also makes losing hard too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Possessiveness - no
I think a healthy jealousy is ok - it’s natural human emotion. "
Good point. Possessive is being nasty. Feeling jelous is a feeling. I do they jealous (or at least I try not to) I do stop and think and realise it’s more admiration, and sometimes it can inspire me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had this convo with a lovely forumite haha
Personally speaking, I was always the type of person who does feel some sort of jealousy, particularly when it comes to people I like!
Now, I learnt to try handle these emotions tho sometimes burying them can really suck and it’s a feeling that I don’t like.
But one thing is for sure, if I don’t feel any type of jealousy towards somebody, it means either I’m not into them or that I got over them and they no longer interest me.
 |
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So far I've not experienced this within myself but I have had some partners be jealous even though they were well aware of my preference for enm. But I'm aware people are human and as long as they deal with it constructively that's fine.
One of my former fwbs has found himself a gf and I'm honestly just pleased for him. We are still friends though I miss the benefits somewhat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jealousy is natural I think but if I get any subtle hints that you'll be possessive I run for the hills ...'like oh I wouldn't want you to do this or that with anyone else ..or just leave this for me..or wanting/monitoring who you see via veris' ... I'm not possessive, live and let live . |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I used to never get jelous then went thru a jealous phase now i dont really let myself get close enough to bother i link it to my overly competitive nature 35 years of competitive sport can do that to someone i suppose it also makes losing hard too "
So you see it as competitive?
In what way are you competing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had this convo with a lovely forumite haha
Personally speaking, I was always the type of person who does feel some sort of jealousy, particularly when it comes to people I like!
…..
"
But are you Jealous of them are the people enjoying things with them? Because I can’t be jealous of someone I like.
The op mentioned insecurities, and if I have those feelings, I’m an adult now (I’m all grown up ) and I now speak up and hope they I understand and care enough to talk with me.
A string relationship is built on communication, I can’t stress enough how people lose a friends by not talking about ‘stuff’. |
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Trust is the key to bypassing jealousy. Id agree with you OP in the idea that it stems from insecurity, more specifically, the feeling of not being enough. Acknowledge that a partner has chosen you, communicate fears and hesitations (without expectations) and give each other time to process reactions to events and you are on your way 
Best wishes,
Gun |
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I actually disagree that feelings of envy, jealousy and possessiveness all come from “feeling insecure or latent insecurities, that then often get pushed on to others”..
I think that attitude is rather outdated, ignorant and fundamentally flawed.
There are many reasons people feel these very valid emotions, to minimise those reasons and limit them to “insecurity” and then focus on the impact on others, serves no purpose but to invalidate, gaslight and negate very genuine feelings.
Perhaps the op should be open to learning the very varied reasons people have “feelings” rather than shove them into a predetermined box.
 |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Had this convo with a lovely forumite haha
Personally speaking, I was always the type of person who does feel some sort of jealousy, particularly when it comes to people I like!
Now, I learnt to try handle these emotions tho sometimes burying them can really suck and it’s a feeling that I don’t like.
But one thing is for sure, if I don’t feel any type of jealousy towards somebody, it means either I’m not into them or that I got over them and they no longer interest me.
"
So jealousy is a form of marker for you?
I’ve seen that a lot of monogamous relationships use jealousy as a way of marking a person as ‘theirs’ which is kind of contrary to sharing or swinging.
Ive always seen jealousy as contradictory to this lifestyle? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Trust is the key to bypassing jealousy. Id agree with you OP in the idea that it stems from insecurity, more specifically, the feeling of not being enough. Acknowledge that a partner has chosen you, communicate fears and hesitations (without expectations) and give each other time to process reactions to events and you are on your way
Best wishes,
Gun"
I think that this sounds very healthy |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
We’re all human, we can’t help who we click with and develop feelings for - when feelings are involved jealousy can creep in it’s how we handle the emotion.
Communication is always key to ironing out what makes you feel that way, being able to discuss triggers in an open and honest manner instead of manifesting the jealousy in your own head and making a potentially harmless thing into something far more complex.
I think it’s healthy to feel a pang of jealousy when you like someone sort of like nerves - if you want something and feel no emotion toward it it’s pretty pointless in my eyes.
It’s all about balance and understanding each others wants and needs - possessiveness I have no time for that’s jealousy on steroids x
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
"Possessiveness - no
I think a healthy jealousy is ok - it’s natural human emotion.
What do you class as healthy jealousy? "
Personally, I mean I'm jealous of my friends running London marathon, I'm jealous of my friends that went to Hellfest, I'm jealous of my friends that went to Glastonbury, it's things like that. I'm jealous they are doing something I'd like to do but am happy they are enjoying it, I certainly don't begrudge them nor does it effect my life negatively so I think that's healthy. Though maybe I've just described envy rather than jealousy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I used to never get jelous then went thru a jealous phase now i dont really let myself get close enough to bother i link it to my overly competitive nature 35 years of competitive sport can do that to someone i suppose it also makes losing hard too
So you see it as competitive?
In what way are you competing? "
il use sport as an example i want the ball i want to score if some one else is doing the scoring i can say well done but inside i wanted to score so im a tiny bit annoyed too im jealous they scored and not me same if im defending and want to make a big hit and they run away into someone else it annoys me cos someone else got to make the tackle |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I actually disagree that feelings of envy, jealousy and possessiveness all come from “feeling insecure or latent insecurities, that then often get pushed on to others”..
I think that attitude is rather outdated, ignorant and fundamentally flawed.
There are many reasons people feel these very valid emotions, to minimise those reasons and limit them to “insecurity” and then focus on the impact on others, serves no purpose but to invalidate, gaslight and negate very genuine feelings.
Perhaps the op should be open to learning the very varied reasons people have “feelings” rather than shove them into a predetermined box.
"
Rather than belittling and dismissing my OP, you should discuss your thoughts and beliefs?
My OP was a stance that is both my opinion based in experience, so I’m interested to hear how it’s outdated. I’m open to hearing your opinions.
Rather than being dismissive, how about you try discussing? |
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I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun |
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"I actually disagree that feelings of envy, jealousy and possessiveness all come from “feeling insecure or latent insecurities, that then often get pushed on to others”..
I think that attitude is rather outdated, ignorant and fundamentally flawed.
There are many reasons people feel these very valid emotions, to minimise those reasons and limit them to “insecurity” and then focus on the impact on others, serves no purpose but to invalidate, gaslight and negate very genuine feelings.
Perhaps the op should be open to learning the very varied reasons people have “feelings” rather than shove them into a predetermined box.
Rather than belittling and dismissing my OP, you should discuss your thoughts and beliefs?
My OP was a stance that is both my opinion based in experience, so I’m interested to hear how it’s outdated. I’m open to hearing your opinions.
Rather than being dismissive, how about you try discussing? "
I haven’t belittled nor dismissed. “There are many reasons….” I’ve simply disagreed with what you have stated and suggested that rather than basing it on predetermined beliefs, you could broaden your understanding. By the passive aggressive tone of response I’m guessing that is unlikely to be the case. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun"
Surely you just have to observe a toddler in a rage because their new baby sibling has arrived to know that jealousy is natural. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Had this convo with a lovely forumite haha
Personally speaking, I was always the type of person who does feel some sort of jealousy, particularly when it comes to people I like!
Now, I learnt to try handle these emotions tho sometimes burying them can really suck and it’s a feeling that I don’t like.
But one thing is for sure, if I don’t feel any type of jealousy towards somebody, it means either I’m not into them or that I got over them and they no longer interest me.
So jealousy is a form of marker for you?
I’ve seen that a lot of monogamous relationships use jealousy as a way of marking a person as ‘theirs’ which is kind of contrary to sharing or swinging.
Ive always seen jealousy as contradictory to this lifestyle? "
It is a sort of marker to say that I feel something for the person and it’s somebody that I have interest romantically.
As I am not a swinger and don’t like sharing, I think that’s more who I am. I am trying not to be possessive tho, as I can tell the difference between feeling jealousy and acting crazy because of it.
As said, if I feel nothing towards it, then in my eyes, the guy isn’t worth
I think jealousy is a very human feeling, some experience it more intensely than others
And goes with envy and all the other emotions |
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"I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun
Surely you just have to observe a toddler in a rage because their new baby sibling has arrived to know that jealousy is natural. "
I think you'll find that is envy.
Gun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun"
It’s human to me
I looked inside me
It’s still human |
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"I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun
It’s human to me
I looked inside me
It’s still human"
Are you saying I'm not human, because I don't experience jealousy? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun
Surely you just have to observe a toddler in a rage because their new baby sibling has arrived to know that jealousy is natural.
I think you'll find that is envy.
Gun"
I think not. Jealousy is the fear of losing something that is already yours. Envy is wanting something someone else has. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I …..
Gun
Surely you just have to observe a toddler in a rage because their new baby sibling has arrived to know that jealousy is natural. "
 I like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I …..
Gun
Surely you just have to observe a toddler in a rage because their new baby sibling has arrived to know that jealousy is natural.
I like that. "
I don’t mean I like watching that baby screaming. I don’t sit there sipping coffee with joy.  I meant I like what you said. |
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"I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun
Surely you just have to observe a toddler in a rage because their new baby sibling has arrived to know that jealousy is natural.
I think you'll find that is envy.
Gun
I think not. Jealousy is the fear of losing something that is already yours. Envy is wanting something someone else has."
I would say jealousy is a feeling more to do with suspicion and inferiority. "What have they got that I don't have" a toddler wouldn't feel suspicious of the newborn, nor (unless the situation develops negatively) would they feel inferior... they just want the attention which is what they were recieving. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun
Surely you just have to observe a toddler in a rage because their new baby sibling has arrived to know that jealousy is natural.
I think you'll find that is envy.
Gun"
Mmmm I think it’s still jealousy. Envy is wanting something others have that you don’t and probably will never have
Very green monster
Jealousy is the feeling we get when it’s something we deem is ours and don’t want others to have it
More like Scarlett red/purple kind of emotion
Very similar but different |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I don’t really feel those emotions but if I’m with someone I really like, I take quite an active interest in who else she meets and would he distraught if she met a guy I thought wasn’t good enough |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun
Surely you just have to observe a toddler in a rage because their new baby sibling has arrived to know that jealousy is natural.
I think you'll find that is envy.
Gun
I think not. Jealousy is the fear of losing something that is already yours. Envy is wanting something someone else has.
I would say jealousy is a feeling more to do with suspicion and inferiority. "What have they got that I don't have" a toddler wouldn't feel suspicious of the newborn, nor (unless the situation develops negatively) would they feel inferior... they just want the attention which is what they were recieving."
The child would be feeling that the attention is rightfully theirs and resent it being given to the baby. That's jealousy at the most basic level. What you're describing is the more complex layering of emotions that we adults can experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I never get jelious. As long as the person i think a lot of is being treated well then im ok. If i think she isnt then i get cross. But thats called careing. So i get more careing than jelious. |
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I think children displaying upset and fear over new siblings is more to do with “pack mentality” and the undeveloped cognitive ability to share, cause and effect, rather than envy/jealousy etc.
Young children’s brains have not developed the relevant neurological pathways to determine feelings of cause and effect, therefore adults and others can misinterpret behaviours and label them as selfishness/envy/jealousy etc, where in actual fact the brain has not actually developed to that ability as yet.
From the outside, that’s what it looks like, however, in actual fact, that’s not the motivator to the behaviour x
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We have never had an issue with jealousy and we put it down to having absolutely brutal honesty with each other. We both know exactly where we stand with each other and we only get stronger as a couple as the years go past and we have just celebrated 30 years together. When my wife drools over some guy with a much better physique than me or is younger or has a bigger dick it doesn’t bother me in the slightest because that’s just for fun, I’m the one she loves and always comes home to. |
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"I think children displaying upset and fear over new siblings is more to do with “pack mentality” and the undeveloped cognitive ability to share, cause and effect, rather than envy/jealousy etc.
Young children’s brains have not developed the relevant neurological pathways to determine feelings of cause and effect, therefore adults and others can misinterpret behaviours and label them as selfishness/envy/jealousy etc, where in actual fact the brain has not actually developed to that ability as yet.
From the outside, that’s what it looks like, however, in actual fact, that’s not the motivator to the behaviour x
"
How eloquently put was trying to find the right way of putting this!
Find this kind of discussion really engaging so for anyone who's participated thus far, just want to say thank you not trying to be argumentative, its interesting to see your perceptions on it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Neither of us do jealousy generally but occasionally the feeling creeps up if one is meeting someone else. We've always been open and honest about our feelings with eachother so if we feel a bit jealous, we talk about it. Lots of communication and trust seems to help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun
It’s human to me
I looked inside me
It’s still human
Are you saying I'm not human, because I don't experience jealousy? "
Nope … I don’t think I said that anywhere?
Have a beautiful day |
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"I must say I disagree with the idea of jealousy being natural. Society has devolved into a materialistic sesspit of competition and ego. The idea that one person is higher up in the hierarchy of attractiveness is purely down to mainstream media and impossible aspirations.
Unpopular but true opinion...If you are the type of person to buy into these advertising campaigns then you are likely to be the type to get jealous, because that is what has been designed.
"What can we make people buy..... okay and how do we do that... let's set unrealistic goals and make people feel as though that they themselves aren't enough"
I love everyone genuinely and unconditionally, you are all enough... but if you tell me that jealousy is natural then you are in denial, and I suggest looking inwards for your answers.
Gun
It’s human to me
I looked inside me
It’s still human
Are you saying I'm not human, because I don't experience jealousy?
Nope … I don’t think I said that anywhere?
Have a beautiful day "
So its possible for humans, to be jealous AND to not be jealous... I'd say it is learned then, and I know which side of the fence i want to stand |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don’t really feel those emotions but if I’m with someone I really like, I take quite an active interest in who else she meets and would he distraught if she met a guy I thought wasn’t good enough "
What do you define as good enough? Is that for you to decide? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I used to never get jelous then went thru a jealous phase now i dont really let myself get close enough to bother i link it to my overly competitive nature 35 years of competitive sport can do that to someone i suppose it also makes losing hard too
So you see it as competitive?
In what way are you competing? il use sport as an example i want the ball i want to score if some one else is doing the scoring i can say well done but inside i wanted to score so im a tiny bit annoyed too im jealous they scored and not me same if im defending and want to make a big hit and they run away into someone else it annoys me cos someone else got to make the tackle "
and same with orgasms i want em all all i tell you |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I think children displaying upset and fear over new siblings is more to do with “pack mentality” and the undeveloped cognitive ability to share, cause and effect, rather than envy/jealousy etc.
Young children’s brains have not developed the relevant neurological pathways to determine feelings of cause and effect, therefore adults and others can misinterpret behaviours and label them as selfishness/envy/jealousy etc, where in actual fact the brain has not actually developed to that ability as yet.
From the outside, that’s what it looks like, however, in actual fact, that’s not the motivator to the behaviour x
"
I’m interested to hear what I’m your opinion jealousy is and caused by. So far I’ve seen you saying a lot of what it isn’t? |
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"I think children displaying upset and fear over new siblings is more to do with “pack mentality” and the undeveloped cognitive ability to share, cause and effect, rather than envy/jealousy etc.
Young children’s brains have not developed the relevant neurological pathways to determine feelings of cause and effect, therefore adults and others can misinterpret behaviours and label them as selfishness/envy/jealousy etc, where in actual fact the brain has not actually developed to that ability as yet.
From the outside, that’s what it looks like, however, in actual fact, that’s not the motivator to the behaviour x
I’m interested to hear what I’m your opinion jealousy is and caused by. So far I’ve seen you saying a lot of what it isn’t? "
I’m simply saying that a young child’s brain isn’t developed to the extent that the neurological pathways to cognitive reasoning have developed. That’s a neurological fact. So to compare emotional and cognitive development in an adult to that of a child, is an unfair and unbalanced comparison.
As I’ve previous stated, there are a number of factors that attribute behaviours which could be attributed to jealousy. Are you asking for me to itemise these? I don’t believe it is as clear cut as you would like it to be.
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I can honestly say that I've never felt any feelings of jealousy with regards to swinging, que sera sera and all that.
What I do feel though, is put out if I feel that I'm not someone's priority, particularly with a partner/FWB or FB, but even in the past when casual acquaintances have given me the impression that I'm just one of many potential conquests. Some would see this as possessiveness, but I'm honestly happy to just cut ties and walk away from that kind of situation, so probably more of an inflated ego than possessiveness or jealousy.
I understand that people do feel jealousy, but I've personally never seen any positive results come from anyone acting on it, and it just seems like such a useless emotion to me. |
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It seems as though that the discussion I’m having, isn’t the discussion you would like, and isn’t following the route you would like. I’m simply pointing out facts which attribute to brain development and the stages of cognitive ability.
All adult behaviours are intrinsically based upon early childhood experiences when the neurological pathways are developing and growing. As those pathways grow and develop, the accompanying early year experiences format behaviours and subsequent feelings. Early years experiences are different for everyone, and the resulting resilience to those experiences varies greatly due to a variety of external factors, including but not limited to social, environment, family values etc, so to make a statement that ALL jealousy/envy etc is based on insecurity etc is wildly inaccurate.
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"I think children displaying upset and fear over new siblings is more to do with “pack mentality” and the undeveloped cognitive ability to share, cause and effect, rather than envy/jealousy etc.
Young children’s brains have not developed the relevant neurological pathways to determine feelings of cause and effect, therefore adults and others can misinterpret behaviours and label them as selfishness/envy/jealousy etc, where in actual fact the brain has not actually developed to that ability as yet.
From the outside, that’s what it looks like, however, in actual fact, that’s not the motivator to the behaviour x
I’m interested to hear what I’m your opinion jealousy is and caused by. So far I’ve seen you saying a lot of what it isn’t? "
and to specifically answer your question: I would have to speak to the person who was experiencing “jealousy” and ask them what they believed caused that feeling, then look at the triggers to that feeling and the motivator behind the feeling.
Behaviours and feelings are not as clear cut as some would like them to be.. welcome to the world of Behaviour Analysts, cognitive behaviour specialists, Psychologists, Sociologists, Behaviour Specialists, and a whole host of other professionals who work within the complex world of neurodevelopment. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I don’t really feel those emotions but if I’m with someone I really like, I take quite an active interest in who else she meets and would he distraught if she met a guy I thought wasn’t good enough
What do you define as good enough? Is that for you to decide? "
Yes of course ! I’m only human
Respectful, caring, honest etc it’s protective |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I think children displaying upset and fear over new siblings is more to do with “pack mentality” and the undeveloped cognitive ability to share, cause and effect, rather than envy/jealousy etc.
Young children’s brains have not developed the relevant neurological pathways to determine feelings of cause and effect, therefore adults and others can misinterpret behaviours and label them as selfishness/envy/jealousy etc, where in actual fact the brain has not actually developed to that ability as yet.
From the outside, that’s what it looks like, however, in actual fact, that’s not the motivator to the behaviour x
I’m interested to hear what I’m your opinion jealousy is and caused by. So far I’ve seen you saying a lot of what it isn’t? I’m simply saying that a young child’s brain isn’t developed to the extent that the neurological pathways to cognitive reasoning have developed. That’s a neurological fact. So to compare emotional and cognitive development in an adult to that of a child, is an unfair and unbalanced comparison.
As I’ve previous stated, there are a number of factors that attribute behaviours which could be attributed to jealousy. Are you asking for me to itemise these? I don’t believe it is as clear cut as you would like it to be.
"
I’m not implying that it’s clear cut, nothing with psychology ever is but I’m interested to see what you consider to be causal factors |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I think children displaying upset and fear over new siblings is more to do with “pack mentality” and the undeveloped cognitive ability to share, cause and effect, rather than envy/jealousy etc.
Young children’s brains have not developed the relevant neurological pathways to determine feelings of cause and effect, therefore adults and others can misinterpret behaviours and label them as selfishness/envy/jealousy etc, where in actual fact the brain has not actually developed to that ability as yet.
From the outside, that’s what it looks like, however, in actual fact, that’s not the motivator to the behaviour x
I’m interested to hear what I’m your opinion jealousy is and caused by. So far I’ve seen you saying a lot of what it isn’t? and to specifically answer your question: I would have to speak to the person who was experiencing “jealousy” and ask them what they believed caused that feeling, then look at the triggers to that feeling and the motivator behind the feeling.
Behaviours and feelings are not as clear cut as some would like them to be.. welcome to the world of Behaviour Analysts, cognitive behaviour specialists, Psychologists, Sociologists, Behaviour Specialists, and a whole host of other professionals who work within the complex world of neurodevelopment. "
So you’re saying that my opinion is just as valid, seeing as how it’s based on personal experiences and not based on ignorance as you first stated |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jealousy is a feeling, and I think it's healthy to feel that at times. We are human after all!
If we don't experience it at some point in our lives then we are unable to find any mechanism to deal with it.
Possessiveness is a different thing altogether, that is unhealthy, and no one should feel like a commodity that is controlled in anyway. |
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"I think children displaying upset and fear over new siblings is more to do with “pack mentality” and the undeveloped cognitive ability to share, cause and effect, rather than envy/jealousy etc.
Young children’s brains have not developed the relevant neurological pathways to determine feelings of cause and effect, therefore adults and others can misinterpret behaviours and label them as selfishness/envy/jealousy etc, where in actual fact the brain has not actually developed to that ability as yet.
From the outside, that’s what it looks like, however, in actual fact, that’s not the motivator to the behaviour x
I’m interested to hear what I’m your opinion jealousy is and caused by. So far I’ve seen you saying a lot of what it isn’t? and to specifically answer your question: I would have to speak to the person who was experiencing “jealousy” and ask them what they believed caused that feeling, then look at the triggers to that feeling and the motivator behind the feeling.
Behaviours and feelings are not as clear cut as some would like them to be.. welcome to the world of Behaviour Analysts, cognitive behaviour specialists, Psychologists, Sociologists, Behaviour Specialists, and a whole host of other professionals who work within the complex world of neurodevelopment.
So you’re saying that my opinion is just as valid, seeing as how it’s based on personal experiences and not based on ignorance as you first stated"
No, I’m still saying that I believe you to be incorrect. You statement (to paraphrase) that “feelings of jealousy, envy or possessiveness… come from the same source… insecure or latent insecurities, that then often get pushed on to others”, is incorrect. I have explained why in numerous posts above, through a limited explanation of how the brain works and develops cognitive thinking.
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