FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Fab and Self Esteem
Fab and Self Esteem
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm intrigued to see how people feel their self esteem waxes and wanes in conjunction with fab.
I find it can both build me up and smash me down savagely. I tend to have flurries of activity and then my esteem completely collapses and fab itself just seems like something beyond me (to be fair this is not just fab its a general life thing for me).
How do you find fab impacts your self esteem, do the fabs and messages buoy you up or does every deleted message just knock you down? How do you cope with it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m a simple soul, fab doesn’t really do anything to my self esteem. I don’t find myself doing a happy dance if someone says yes, nor do I find myself descending into the doldrums if someone says no. I came here with no expectations, and a realistic view of how people will perceive me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I’m down, Fab escalates the problem, but it never causes it. But sure, when I’m already in a fug about something and I come on here to see all the threads like ‘bring back the bush’ and and ‘anyone else like big tits?’ or ‘who has the best ass on Fab?’ I have a moment of self reflection and ask myself wtf I am doing |
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"I've got to an age where, by and large, I don't give a sh*t what others think of me.
Fab is not real life so it's impact on my self esteem is minimal."
This, and I would go as far as to say I've never cared what other people think of me so Fab is never going to have any effect.  |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"I've got to an age where, by and large, I don't give a sh*t what others think of me.
Fab is not real life so it's impact on my self esteem is minimal.
This, and I would go as far as to say I've never cared what other people think of me so Fab is never going to have any effect. "
An excellent place to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whilst I don't go out of my way to piss people off, I have never really cared what most people think about me. The thought that I might care about what a bunch of strangers on the internet, that I will never meet, might think about me is simply bizarre!.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I’m down, Fab escalates the problem, but it never causes it. But sure, when I’m already in a fug about something and I come on here to see all the threads like ‘bring back the bush’ and and ‘anyone else like big tits?’ or ‘who has the best ass on Fab?’ I have a moment of self reflection and ask myself wtf I am doing "
Yeah I sympathise here, I get this feeling a lot. For every great convo I have, there are several that just make me wonder why. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doesn’t affect my self esteem, though there are times I come in here and see/read something just makes me think it’s time I went to live on an island.
What’s been interesting is seeing up close his guys really think/behave and that’s a bit depressing |
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Nah coz this isn’t real life
Women on here reject men that message them, but if they same guy said hi to them at the pub they’d absolutely melt
It’s just not real life. Inflated standards and egos. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well so far in my short lived experience here it’s been good for my self confidence, I’ve connected with some nice people and I’m making friends so I’m in a good place currently  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I suppose I focused more on fab affecting self esteem in my OP, but I suppose what about the other way? I suppose its probably obvious that when we're feeling good we'll hit fab with more gusto. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nah coz this isn’t real life
Women on here reject men that message them, but if they same guy said hi to them at the pub they’d absolutely melt
It’s just not real life. Inflated standards and egos. "
Fab is not real life?
I have just paid £5 for an illusionary journey into the world of recreational sex?
Fab has no effect on my mood as I get laid 3 or 4 times a day. Did I say illusionary? |
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I don't think I've ever allowed fab to affect my self esteem either way.
I didn't have any at all for many years and only discovered it for the first time just before turning 50.
By the time I joined here 2 years later there was very little that could put a dent in it.
There has been a lot of negativity on my fab journey but it has mostly been positive so I keep moving forward. |
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I don't think fab does much to affect my self esteem, but I have to admit it's helped in body confidence building, I've never been the most confident or liked photos being taken, however since joining here and the Mr getting into his photography I actually enjoy the pics and the fabs I really didn't think I would.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds like a you problem op. Try mindful thinking "
I know its a me problem, that's why I'm asking others for their opinions in order to try understand my own. Thanks for the comment though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont let it only 1 person alive (i assume) has the power to get under my defences and shes not been here in a long long time you would need to throw a nuke at me to demage me these days |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My attitude went from "I've got something to offer" to
"I'm a mundane sweet at the bottom of a pick and mix."
What hope does a Rhubarb and Custard have against Macademia Nut Surprise? None! ;-P |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"Nah coz this isn’t real life
Women on here reject men that message them, but if they same guy said hi to them at the pub they’d absolutely melt
It’s just not real life. Inflated standards and egos.
Fab is not real life?
I have just paid £5 for an illusionary journey into the world of recreational sex?
Fab has no effect on my mood as I get laid 3 or 4 times a day. Did I say illusionary?"
Don't forget you can pay £10, £15, £20 to go to the cinema for an illusionary experience, and that only lasts a few hours. |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"My attitude went from "I've got something to offer" to
"I'm a mundane sweet at the bottom of a pick and mix."
What hope does a Rhubarb and Custard have against Macademia Nut Surprise? None! ;-P"
I'd rather have the rhubarb and custard than macadamia nut surprise. |
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"I've got to an age where, by and large, I don't give a sh*t what others think of me.
Fab is not real life so it's impact on my self esteem is minimal."
I'm with Glyn, minus the age aspect. Fab isn't worth having your self esteem knocked about for. |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"I've got to an age where, by and large, I don't give a sh*t what others think of me.
Fab is not real life so it's impact on my self esteem is minimal.
I'm with Glyn, minus the age aspect. Fab isn't worth having your self esteem knocked about for."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With the greatest respect OP if your saying your mental well-being and self esteem is linked to messaged not been read on a swinger site where men out number couples and single females over 100 - 1 then you really need to assess if this site is safe for you to be using buddy.
Rhino skin is important on here as rejection is absolutely par the course for all of us including single women and couples when swinging.
The fact you have a meet verification after been on just 5 months already shows your more successful than 70%+ of the "single" men on here.
KJ
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No, if my divorce didn’t knock my self esteem this place won’t either.
I can understand why single guys would feel differently. Especially those who have good profiles and ensured they have visibility on the site but still don’t get any meets.  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Doesn’t do anything for me, I meet some great people , I sometimes wonder if I’m good enough for them, for about a minute ! , I get turned down or ignored occasionally, and and hour later I can’t remember their name |
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It mostly doesn't effect me either way but as some others have said, if I'm having a wobble, fab can exacerbate that. I guess if you're feeling down about yourself anyway then you end up looking for things to affirm those ideas. In those times I take a break or just hide my profile and dick about in light hearted forum posts. However, I do find that going to clubs is good for my self esteem. It isn't even about how "successful" I am or are not as even just attending socially helps. I think being surrounded by sexually liberated people and a wide variety of beauty and sexiness is good for my wellbeing. |
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Definitely effects it. I'd like to say it doesn't and I try not to let it but some days if I'm feeling down about myself already it's just the nail in the coffin really. My self-esteem and self-confidence are pretty low anyway so it doesn't cause a massive drop off, just cements feelings of inadequacy. I get the people saying don't take it personally and it's just strangers on a swinging site you'll never meet, but surely the reason most people join this site is to get meets, so if you don't get them seems like you're failing and confirms negative thoughts you have about yourself |
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"Doesn’t affect my self esteem, though there are times I come in here and see/read something just makes me think it’s time I went to live on an island.
What’s been interesting is seeing up close his guys really think/behave and that’s a bit depressing "
I concur, that's how I am too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I'm feeling crap all I need to do is have a close up cleavage pic, no text and some other shite on my profile and umpteen men will beg to fuck me. Great.  |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"
How do you find fab impacts your self esteem, do the fabs and messages buoy you up or does every deleted message just knock you down? How do you cope with it?"
It doesn't affect mine in any way, shape or form.
I really couldn't care less about the views and opinions of me made by random strangers on the internet, particularly those on a swinging/sex/hook up site.
If you let Fab activity get to you, cause you to feel angst or unhappiness then log off, take a break and do something in the big old real world instead. The problem with online interactions is that many people you'll encounter aren't going to be kind, gracious, considerate or give two figs as to whether they cause distress or upset. To them it's just words on a screen shared with a random stranger.
Treat everything seen and read with a pinch of salt, care little for any messages that contain negative content (they are actually just words on a screen) and have faith in yourself.
Self esteem is just that - your own opinion of yourself.
Not the opinion of anyone else.
A |
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"
How do you find fab impacts your self esteem, do the fabs and messages buoy you up or does every deleted message just knock you down? How do you cope with it?
It doesn't affect mine in any way, shape or form.
I really couldn't care less about the views and opinions of me made by random strangers on the internet, particularly those on a swinging/sex/hook up site.
If you let Fab activity get to you, cause you to feel angst or unhappiness then log off, take a break and do something in the big old real world instead. The problem with online interactions is that many people you'll encounter aren't going to be kind, gracious, considerate or give two figs as to whether they cause distress or upset. To them it's just words on a screen shared with a random stranger.
Treat everything seen and read with a pinch of salt, care little for any messages that contain negative content (they are actually just words on a screen) and have faith in yourself.
Self esteem is just that - your own opinion of yourself.
Not the opinion of anyone else.
A"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A site like this does feel like one where you need to be thick skinned. The benefit however is there are loads of lovely people knocking. Even in rejections they’ve been very polite which you early get on Grindr
Something I learned a while ago. Never use a site like this or any other to raise your self esteem. You need to generate you’re own self worth. After that you won’t find these sorts of places impact your well-being. Which is most important x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"With the greatest respect OP if your saying your mental well-being and self esteem is linked to messaged not been read on a swinger site where men out number couples and single females over 100 - 1 then you really need to assess if this site is safe for you to be using buddy.
Rhino skin is important on here as rejection is absolutely par the course for all of us including single women and couples when swinging.
The fact you have a meet verification after been on just 5 months already shows your more successful than 70%+ of the "single" men on here.
KJ
"
Apologies, I think people are getting the wrong end of the stick here. I couldn’t care less about messages or fabs. Been online dating long enough for that not to bother me.
I’m just interested in the relationship between self esteem and fab. Do you use it more when you’re feeling good about yourself, or are you just turned off from the whole thing when you’re not? Do you use it to buoy your esteem when it’s low?
This post is not a cry for help, or me feeling sad that no one messages me. It was just a curious thought as I’ve not been on the site for a bit due to other things affecting my esteem. |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
Fab has only had positive effects on my self esteem so far. In my offline life no one ever looks at me (this is no exaggeration) but it's different here and I have been able to meet people.
There are other things that cause negative emotions but nothing that knocks my self esteem, I think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of the ladies in here are propped up by the disproportionate male attention but good luck to em.
Fab is fab it’s all Bollocks and if this place can build you up or knock you down then you’re probably too unstable to be here in the first place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fab gives me exposure to a lot of people that I would not have daily contact with in everyday life. Sometimes it is that reality check that "I'm not quite the same as everyone else" and I know there are a few of us on here that must feel that way. The kooks,the weirdos and the social misfits.
However, as im not looking for a serious relationship it helps me when seeking "stress relief" and I've been very lucky to meet some amazingly hot pretty playthings.
Yes I get down with the fakes, ghosters and no shows but the men that i have met have been awesome x |
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"I’m a simple soul, fab doesn’t really do anything to my self esteem. I don’t find myself doing a happy dance if someone says yes, nor do I find myself descending into the doldrums if someone says no. I came here with no expectations, and a realistic view of how people will perceive me. "
Pretty much this.
If fab gave me low self esteem there would be no point in staying, it's meant to be fun. |
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I'd not use fab if it impacted on my self-esteem. It's essential that we look after our mental health and well-being. Get off fab, if you feel yourself sinking, so that you can fully look after yourself. It will still be here, for when you're stronger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd not use fab if it impacted on my self-esteem. It's essential that we look after our mental health and well-being. Get off fab, if you feel yourself sinking, so that you can fully look after yourself. It will still be here, for when you're stronger. "
What Sophia Said
(Great title of a book!)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Doesn't affect my self esteem at all.
However it can severely try my patience 
That’s a good answer!  "
Which suggests it’s irritating? So why persevere with the web equivalent of Thrush?
Ladies moan their arses off but still stick around as they love the attention!
Am I wrong? |
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I know my value, I don’t require anyone’s approval and my self esteem is suitably intact
Fab doesn’t affect my self esteem - for the main it’s a virtual window and conversation of sorts with people I have never met (with the exception of a few)
I would suggest fab isn’t a place for those with low self esteem …. There will always be someone to virtually kick you in the nether region if your that way inclined |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think Fab is brutal for men. I wouldn't have lasted 24 hours here if I were male."
It’s far from brutal in fact it’s a bit of fun and anyone who takes it seriously needs to stop using the site.
It’s adults meeting for recreational sex in a safe environment without judgement. |
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