FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Friendship or simply just sex
Friendship or simply just sex
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Morning, I completely understand and respect we are all here for different reasons and looking for different things in and from potential meets, for me personally the friendship part is really important I’m not saying I could never have something spontaneous as I do see the excitement and appeal in that however as a preference I’d really like to have conversations and build that connection and spark over time and things progress naturally even if a sexual connection didn’t happen I’d be happy gaining friendships, is this unrealistic ? Did you have a similar outlook and things changed so now you have a different approach ? I’d really appreciate thoughts on this. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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It's not unrealistic in the slightest.
I have a similar outlook - I'm now at the point/age where I'd happily drop the sexual side of things/not be fussed if there wasn't one because the friendship to me is far more important.
Having that connection to someone on a friendship level means a lot. I'm genuinely interested and fascinated by people, take great joy in talking to friends, spending time with them. Sharing and learning about another and enjoying all that comes with it.
I don't think I could have sex now without that spark and connection. And I'm happy being just friends with people the sluttier, younger me might have bounced on because I value friendship more than getting my vagina wet for a couple of hours.
I've been thinking about it last night and working out a few things in my head, it's quite an interesting subject. |
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We definitely fancy the connections and friendships, which can be a challenge here to be honest. Over the years I have become much better at doing casual sex but still enjoy wholesome contact more. He is not into or interested in the more casual aspect of sex at all, and never will be. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I really appreciate you taking time to share that, in my short time here I have been a little surprised at how much of a rush some seem to be and to want to jump into bed I’m not criticising them for that it’s completely up to each of us how we approach this I’m just saying it surprised me. It’s certainly refreshing hearing that others have a approach to me and I’m not being unrealistic x |
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That’s how fab has always worked for me to be honest. It’s always been friendship first. Most have just remained friendships and some turned into something more. I’ve never done ONS/spontaneous/random meets personally. One thing I never expected is to have made lifelong friends over the years which are now way beyond anything fab x |
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In all my time on this site, I have always taken the time to get to know someone. I never have an never will be a "wham, bam type" of woman.
The close friendships that I've formed have led to some amazing experiences and in some cases, the trust I've built up has led me to push some of my boundaries x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can have a great sexual connection with someone with whom I have little in common, and who can even bore me in their attempts at conversation, I can have a great mental connection with someone I feel no attraction for.
For me, a combination of personality click and physical attraction is very, very rare,tbh,we'd probably never meet if I waited for that. 
C |
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"That’s how fab has always worked for me to be honest. It’s always been friendship first. Most have just remained friendships and some turned into something more. I’ve never done ONS/spontaneous/random meets personally. One thing I never expected is to have made lifelong friends over the years which are now way beyond anything fab x"
I was going to post but Nora sums it up perfectly, so yes , this ^  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We definitely fancy the connections and friendships, which can be a challenge here to be honest. Over the years I have become much better at doing casual sex but still enjoy wholesome contact more. He is not into or interested in the more casual aspect of sex at all, and never will be."
Regarding couples I think it’s even more important that a friendship is present between all 3, again personally it would be really important that I could have a conversation with Mr and we got on, having a bit of banter and a non pushy approach. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me, I need a connection both mentally and physically. One offs have never really done it for me. I like to meet people I feel comfortable with, can have a laugh with as well as enjoying the intimate side with.
It’s not easy to find but always worth the effort, in my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me, I need a connection both mentally and physically. One offs have never really done it for me. I like to meet people I feel comfortable with, can have a laugh with as well as enjoying the intimate side with.
It’s not easy to find but always worth the effort, in my opinion."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not at all unrealistic though maybe a little optimistic (for this site at least). I’ve found it quite challenging to find - ok I’m not making it easier for myself I get that. But I’d rather find that easy going blend of friendship and sex than just relent and pursue thoughtless hook ups. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Friendship first. Sex for me is much better with connection. I've done the spontaneous thing and it didn't really work for me, I need more than just the physical side. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Friendship first. Sex for me is much better with connection. I've done the spontaneous thing and it didn't really work for me, I need more than just the physical side. "
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We’ve made lots of friendships through swinging and over the years. Some are still in the scene and some not anymore. But we still meet to just socialise and others we combine both social and sex. It’s great!
Then others we've met that we haven’t hit it off with on a sexual level at all but still have met them again as they’re still people we want to spend time and have a laugh with.
We love the friends approach but do have occasional spontaneous fun too. |
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I (j) would prefer some regular guys that I'm comfortable with to meet weekly for drinks & fun but generally its just guys wanting 1 time hook ups, which is fine, I'd just be happier with the other. |
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"I (j) would prefer some regular guys that I'm comfortable with to meet weekly for drinks & fun but generally its just guys wanting 1 time hook ups, which is fine, I'd just be happier with the other."
I'm happy with either. One off sex is great fun, but regular meets lead to exploration and better fulfillment for both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In reply to the op. I’ve been on a roller coaster for a while, a long vanilla relationship had me longing for ‘something’. What that was and what I found in between them and now is a selection of lustful one offs and connections of similar wants.
Right now, I just want to spend time with people I who care about my well being as much as I care about them. Could I find that with a random encounter? Maybe, but I value a longer friendship with a woman o fancy the pants off than someone who wouldn’t need to know my first name. |
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It's a fine line to tread. We respect and value the people we meet, we want to like them on a superficial basis (I only use that word because my opinion is that you don't know someone properly after a couple of hours) and although we use the word casual to describe our encounters it doesn't mean they're any the less for it. I want to feel that the people we meet see me as a person rather than a body to use but I don't want them to expect more from me emotionally than I'm willing to give.
I think possibly that more single people seek intimacy and deeper connection than couples but I could be wrong. I also think that a lot of people claim to want the same as you but really don't. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
connection is key for me
I couldn’t possibly engage in something intimate with someone otherwise.
I adore finding out about people, what makes them tick, hearing them talk about something with passion but I can adore it on different levels - for example if it’s someone I’m not attracted too and would have in the friend category I will still enjoy listening to them but it doesn’t arouse me whereas if this is someone I’m attracted too there voice, smile, the way there eyes light up as they talk will excite me and turn me on.
I’m open to friendship only connections but not sex only ones x |
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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago
Northampton |
When I joined, I just wanted sex, wasn't bothered about anything outside of the bedroom... That soon started to change as I met more, lovely people and now I need that connection/friendship for anything more to be worth it. I have quite a few fab friends, some I have sex with, some I don't. I adore them all though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have enough friends, I don’t want more. I’m not here to get to know anyone or them to get to know me. That’s all a bit too deep for me.
I scratch the occasional itch and that’s all I require from here.
I definitely don’t want any “connections” *shudder |
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Casual sex can often be somewhat soulless, unless it comes about in a flash of passion.
Sex between friends has its own intensity. As a female friend once said: 'it's a different friendship once you have given a blowjob'.
I enjoy the openness that comes from sharing.
Q |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Friendship is always good, as you can talk about fab. I find it’s hard to really talk with friends as a lot of vanilla people seem to think it’s a very seedy lifestyle.I believe friendships are always good in anyway. |
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We would love nothing more than to find local friends who we can hang out with and then every now and again, enjoy fun with.
Trying to find that is hard work.
We had 2 local singles, girl and guy…thought it would be a good idea for them to meet so we could all play, which we did. They fell for each other and aren’t playing now  …FFS!
No, we are happy for them but it just shows that situations change too…
K |
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"It's a fine line to tread. We respect and value the people we meet, we want to like them on a superficial basis (I only use that word because my opinion is that you don't know someone properly after a couple of hours) and although we use the word casual to describe our encounters it doesn't mean they're any the less for it. I want to feel that the people we meet see me as a person rather than a body to use but I don't want them to expect more from me emotionally than I'm willing to give.
I think possibly that more single people seek intimacy and deeper connection than couples but I could be wrong. I also think that a lot of people claim to want the same as you but really don't. "
Ooooh that's very interesting. I'm a solo-poly and when looking to meet with my partner the need for intimacy with others isn't as important. However if I'm meeting a woman/couple by myself I'm much more invested in finding out if we have a spark that would make us want us to meet a 3rd,4th 5th time etc |
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By *omRachCouple
over a year ago
Wirral |
We like to build some kind of connection with the guys we meet. We never do sex on 1st meet as its important Rach feels something other than wet panties.
She likes to chat/text away from the bedroom too which I have no issue with whatsoever as it helps build up ab understanding which in turn helps to lead to better sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find sex with someone I know and enjoy the company of to be a lot more fun. That being said there is something naughty about meeting someone just to fuck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Joining fab taught me that I'm demisexual, after some unsatisfactory meets when I first joined. The friendship aspect has to be present or I won't enjoy it. |
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By *urora1912Woman
over a year ago
Norfolk East anglia |
In the beginign it was all about sex and experiences for me.
But now since meeting my fwb the sex has become even better as we've got to know each other and have great connection in and out of the bedroom |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have changed my mind set since first joining here. Originally, I wanted to connect on another level rather than just sexually as it made the whole experience more comfortable and enjoyable. But I've invested my time into people that have let me down and eventually it's turned into nothing.
I'm more of an in person person (  ) now as you can vibe straight away without endless chatting. Friendships do exist on here but not to the level as they would do in real life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great post OP
Originally, it was just sex and that's what my understanding of the site was. Being here for a while has completely changed my perception. I now understand it's more a community than a 'hook up' site (although I know casual encounters are still an avenue which can be explored).
As a result I feel like I've come through the naivety and now I look more to friendship/having a connection with people. If that materialises into sex or something further then, for me, having a connection at the start of it enhances the whole experience.
I'm not saying I wouldn't have a quick one off (sometimes you just need a release and if you're both on the same nsa page then that's great) but my outlook has certainly changed in my time here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We’re ok with the spontaneous 1-off meets, but finding a few people for long term friendship would be our ideal "
I’d certainly be more than happy to have a conversation and just see how things progress no pressure or expectations.
Jack |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Great post OP
Originally, it was just sex and that's what my understanding of the site was. Being here for a while has completely changed my perception. I now understand it's more a community than a 'hook up' site (although I know casual encounters are still an avenue which can be explored).
As a result I feel like I've come through the naivety and now I look more to friendship/having a connection with people. If that materialises into sex or something further then, for me, having a connection at the start of it enhances the whole experience.
I'm not saying I wouldn't have a quick one off (sometimes you just need a release and if you're both on the same nsa page then that's great) but my outlook has certainly changed in my time here."
My experience is very similar, I’m much more enjoying sex that comes from friendships these days but like that fab works for just sex too , whereas dating sites it’s often a given that sex takes time. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
Bar one or two where I've followed my cock or they've convinced me they were fab af, I've largely only ever met people where we've chatted and been able to talk nonsense from the off. Location, age, shape hasn't mattered much as you can't be relaxed and have fun with someone (outside of sex), if you are not at ease with them, and them you.
Stunted conversation means awkward sex, if you're both relaxed the sex flows, friendships grow as a result whether the sex is there or not, that is if you want them to - after all, we log in here because we are sexually interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I definately need the friendship first I love chatting and finding out about people and generally having a laugh. I’ve done the casual meets but I always felt a bit empty after x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I quickly realised that I needed my principles to be in line with my lust in order to get a better experience of fab. Consequently, I first seek a ‘friendship’ before seeking a pussy to fill in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Friendship for me. Sex is just sex, no connection, and a bit empty if I'm honest."
I cold that “ cold sex “ . Is boring . Is like chips with no salt . Eatable but not fully achieved…
I like sexy friendship , chemistry , connection …
Even NSA I like treat a lady with love . And happines respect . Or else u turn out more boring then a miserable couple who don’t talk after 30 years of marriage x x
If listening a lady moan of pleasure is good , have that as you have her smiles going out , giggles and laughs is just another level .
But that’s for me . I like sweetness and I’m single …
For attached or married swingers maybe the fuck n go hook ups suits them better .
Is not my ideal .
I prefer a sexy friendship . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Friendship needs to go both ways. It's no good thinking they are then they let down.
They say they want FWB but they mean FB on their terms."
I never liked the term FWB . Sounds like Universal credit . JSA . Like u need favours .
I prefer call it NSA or sexy friendship ^^ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Friendship needs to go both ways. It's no good thinking they are then they let down.
They say they want FWB but they mean FB on their terms.
I never liked the term FWB . Sounds like Universal credit . JSA . Like u need favours .
I prefer call it NSA or sexy friendship ^^ "
I think of 'NSA' as fuck and go type meets.
Everyone is different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Friendship needs to go both ways. It's no good thinking they are then they let down.
They say they want FWB but they mean FB on their terms.
I never liked the term FWB . Sounds like Universal credit . JSA . Like u need favours .
I prefer call it NSA or sexy friendship ^^
I think of 'NSA' as fuck and go type meets.
Everyone is different. "
That would be a hook up No ?
Is that what it sounds like ?
No strings is a relation . Like sexy friendship .
You have a friend and have sex , but no attachments like a girlfriend ..
U love her but like a friend .. not like a girlfriend .
Is a honest thing to do I think . Doing at and both in same page with no deep heart emotions , just lovely sexy friends .
At list looks better then be shagging a girlfriend u don’t love and just carry on pretending so u have somewhere to go or to do
. ( I hate this language , only use it to describe how ugly it feels to me ) I can’t do that. Pretend .
I don’t know . I had a lovely NSA from here on fabs a couple of years ago … lovely girl , and was never fuck n go … no a single one …
Was always social, hang out ,always giggling n laughing with good sense of humour … A meal , movies , sexy fun , sleep overs , full weekends sometimes . Always treat each other with love n respect , no pressure ever … … yeah … was lux … but no strings attached or commitments .
That’s what I call a NSA . |
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"I really appreciate you taking time to share that, in my short time here I have been a little surprised at how much of a rush some seem to be and to want to jump into bed I’m not criticising them for that it’s completely up to each of us how we approach this I’m just saying it surprised me. It’s certainly refreshing hearing that others have a approach to me and I’m not being unrealistic x"
Is it because many men on here don't want to pay for it and looking for something better than their hand? Hence they don't want to invest, do the business then go. |
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Relationships and friendship is very emotional journey and some people can't cope with it. I been through it myself where I just wanted fun sex for the sake of what sex can benefit you physical health wize. Where as relationships and friendships can cause emotional stress. |
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Bit of both tbh! Nice to have a f buddy fwb type thing going on but occasionally the one offs obvs with atraction but not necessarily friendship! Then there is the experiences group sex etc! Which don't include friendship as such x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Friendship has always been very important to me as well.
For me forming a close bond seems to enhance sexual pleasure.
I have to genuinely like the people I enjoy sex with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a newbie here I might be wrong, but I think I lot of people and I mean men on here, just think it’s about sex. Now I know that plays a large part on it, but what they miss is that this is really a community of like mind individuals who enjoy sex and that’s a big difference. For me the friendship and connection is the most important thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In all my time on this site, I have always taken the time to get to know someone. I never have an never will be a "wham, bam type" of woman.
The close friendships that I've formed have led to some amazing experiences and in some cases, the trust I've built up has led me to push some of my boundaries x"
that sounds like an ideal situation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I look for friendships on here. But if my time on here has taught me anything, I am so socially awkward, therefore I haven't made any
Oi. "
Don't oi me! Where have you been????  |
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