FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Kink shaming
Kink shaming
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think some of it is that they don’t understand the kink, and some people will educate themselves and understand it, and some won’t.
Some people are triggered by certain kinks too.
No one has to like someone else’s kink, but it would be nice if they just moved along rather than making other people feel shitty.
I’ve enjoyed being open about my kinks, and an always happy to talk to people about aspects of it, and if it allows others to be open about it, and feel more accepted, well, fuck the haters  |
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"Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree, it can really make you feel self-conscious and feel as if something is wrong with you for liking a certain things that a majority will actively say is gross. Definitely takes a thcik skin and a strong personality to admit to liking anything on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think some people on here cannot not comment. It's almost like thread appearances are their kink.
This site is incredibly vanilla on the whole anyway. The amount of photos I get rejected is phenomenal and they are very tame compared to the ones I have on THAT other site. I know I'm wired a little differently and I do filter alot of my opinions as a lot of formites won't get me or my humour.
I tend to forget that not everyone is from London or big cities so can be very Conservative in their opinions and may not be exposed to alot of things seen on a daily basis in my neck of the woods. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by"
Technically impact play is illegal, so spanking, etc, is covered in that.
I agree with you about kink shaming though. Often it’s based in ignorance and education is helpful in that but some seem to enjoy their judgement and ignorance.
*gallic shrug*
In some ways it makes it easier, those types of people aren’t for me and I definitely won’t be for them |
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"Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by"
What!
And take away their means of conveying their moral superiority , pft, can’t see that catching on  |
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"I agree, it can really make you feel self-conscious and feel as if something is wrong with you for liking a certain things that a majority will actively say is gross. Definitely takes a thcik skin and a strong personality to admit to liking anything on here."
Or also disliking something.. Or having an opinion, or disagreeing with the popular ones, Sometimes the judgement is strong. |
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Some people will find things "gross or whatever" which they are well within their right too....does that really mean they are kink shaming though????
Tame example: I find people picking their nose and eating it gross but it may be a kink to others...does that mean I'm kink shaming?
Or is it deemed not if I were to say: Someone picking their nose and eating it is not for me....
How things are worded and interpretated on this site is a major factor. |
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What if someone's kink is kink shaming  
To be fair though people do often call it out when it happens. I do feel there is sometimes an element of someone taking someone's objection to it as shaming them when they are simply saying no thank you. |
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"I agree, it can really make you feel self-conscious and feel as if something is wrong with you for liking a certain things that a majority will actively say is gross. Definitely takes a thcik skin and a strong personality to admit to liking anything on here."
Absolutely. I got slaughtered when I first joined. Its not quite as bad on here now but I agree you do need a thick skin. Sometimes as a woman though I get a bit of sick satisfaction out of admitting to enjoying a kink when there's men in there who have been flirty with me saying things like that only freaks and sickos enjoy that thing then seeing if they continue to flirt with me after  . |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by
Technically impact play is illegal, so spanking, etc, is covered in that.
I agree with you about kink shaming though. Often it’s based in ignorance and education is helpful in that but some seem to enjoy their judgement and ignorance.
*gallic shrug*
In some ways it makes it easier, those types of people aren’t for me and I definitely won’t be for them "
Sorry to make an important clarification but I believe impact play is legal. Impact play causing actual bodily harm (or the modern crimimal equivalent) is not legal due to the Spanner case, in most situations.
There are cases where BDSM has been accepted as a defence to physical harm, usually in a domestic setting and most wrongly decided in my non legal view. |
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I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time. "
This |
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time. "
I tried that second option once and I got annihilated for "trying to police who could comment" and still ended up with a post of 175 mostly negative comments . |
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Can't say I've seen a lot of it in here. Yes certain individuals will make comments and some will do it deliberately because they get a kick from the blowback.
In general though it's more often than not down to interpretation and people being triggered by poorly expressed opinions rather than blatant shaming. |
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time.
I tried that second option once and I got annihilated for "trying to police who could comment" and still ended up with a post of 175 mostly negative comments . "
. Not surprising  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will find things "gross or whatever" which they are well within their right too....does that really mean they are kink shaming though????
Tame example: I find people picking their nose and eating it gross but it may be a kink to others...does that mean I'm kink shaming?
Or is it deemed not if I were to say: Someone picking their nose and eating it is not for me....
How things are worded and interpretated on this site is a major factor."
This is my thought too, people are quick to accuse others of kink shaming when they are just expressing an opinion as why it's not for them, absolutely right that it's the language used in how it's expressed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will find things "gross or whatever" which they are well within their right too....does that really mean they are kink shaming though???? "
It’s perfectly normal not to like or agree with something, not everyone likes the same things. It is how you choose to express it.
There are ways to say you don’t like something, without making someone else feel like if they do then they are gross for doing so.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by"
You ask a question, expect an answer, never always going to be what you want the replies to be though so expect that.
Ask for an opinion , you will get good and bad ones.
Put people down, they will come at you like a ton of bricks.
Ask for views on a subject, you will get them.
Make a random statement thats fair enough but not everyone will agree with you.
Tell people this site isn't for them, you have no right to do so , so they will come back at you for that.
It's a forum, everyone has the right to comment.
As for laid back, a good 80% of the people on here are
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get it all the time when young men post threads about older woman in younger guys. 99% of replies are from women saying they wouldn't play with men under 30 as they have sons in that age range and would find it icky. Then when I message these women asking for their sons numbers I'm the wierdo?!!!!!
(Just a joke btw) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time. "
Unfortunately, a lot don't take your view and feel the need to comment on such threads just to be negative and let everyone else know they disagree with the kink/ subject.
Pxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by
Technically impact play is illegal, so spanking, etc, is covered in that.
I agree with you about kink shaming though. Often it’s based in ignorance and education is helpful in that but some seem to enjoy their judgement and ignorance.
*gallic shrug*
In some ways it makes it easier, those types of people aren’t for me and I definitely won’t be for them
Sorry to make an important clarification but I believe impact play is legal. Impact play causing actual bodily harm (or the modern crimimal equivalent) is not legal due to the Spanner case, in most situations.
There are cases where BDSM has been accepted as a defence to physical harm, usually in a domestic setting and most wrongly decided in my non legal view."
Actual bodily harm is the 'moder term' and in no way is impact play or ABH, legal. Consent cannot be taken as a defence for the prosecuted.
(This is the UK, I'm not aware of the current laws elsewhere)
Pxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by
Technically impact play is illegal, so spanking, etc, is covered in that.
I agree with you about kink shaming though. Often it’s based in ignorance and education is helpful in that but some seem to enjoy their judgement and ignorance.
*gallic shrug*
In some ways it makes it easier, those types of people aren’t for me and I definitely won’t be for them
Sorry to make an important clarification but I believe impact play is legal. Impact play causing actual bodily harm (or the modern crimimal equivalent) is not legal due to the Spanner case, in most situations.
There are cases where BDSM has been accepted as a defence to physical harm, usually in a domestic setting and most wrongly decided in my non legal view."
Beat me to it on the legality point. Some may find the following link to the government website helpful: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-abuse-bill-2020-factsheets/consent-to-serious-harm-for-sexual-gratification-not-a-defence#
(See second section, first bullet point)
IS
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get it all the time when young men post threads about older woman in younger guys. 99% of replies are from women saying they wouldn't play with men under 30 as they have sons in that age range and would find it icky. Then when I message these women asking for their sons numbers I'm the wierdo?!!!!!
(Just a joke btw) "
If then have daughters same age maybe they could play Cupid no? Only joking this is a sex site |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven’t actually seen that much of it recently.
I agree I have seen it quite a few times but I don’t think the forum is full of it on the whole."
Certain kinks always get a reaction but I really haven’t seen any real kink shaming for months. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get it all the time when young men post threads about older woman in younger guys. 99% of replies are from women saying they wouldn't play with men under 30 as they have sons in that age range and would find it icky. Then when I message these women asking for their sons numbers I'm the wierdo?!!!!!
(Just a joke btw)
If then have daughters same age maybe they could play Cupid no? Only joking this is a sex site "
I think one "love island" is enough |
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"Some people will find things "gross or whatever" which they are well within their right too....does that really mean they are kink shaming though????
It’s perfectly normal not to like or agree with something, not everyone likes the same things. It is how you choose to express it.
There are ways to say you don’t like something, without making someone else feel like if they do then they are gross for doing so.
"
This. It's often the comments about people who do like it that get me more than the comments about the kink itself. Like making comments about your mental health or calling my partners nonces. |
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"Some people will find things "gross or whatever" which they are well within their right too....does that really mean they are kink shaming though????
It’s perfectly normal not to like or agree with something, not everyone likes the same things. It is how you choose to express it.
There are ways to say you don’t like something, without making someone else feel like if they do then they are gross for doing so.
"
That is what the rest of my post said! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will find things "gross or whatever" which they are well within their right too....does that really mean they are kink shaming though????
It’s perfectly normal not to like or agree with something, not everyone likes the same things. It is how you choose to express it.
There are ways to say you don’t like something, without making someone else feel like if they do then they are gross for doing so.
This. It's often the comments about people who do like it that get me more than the comments about the kink itself. Like making comments about your mental health or calling my partners nonces. "
Yeah it’s exactly that! I think gets a lot of people too myself included. |
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I think the difference between shaming and giving an opinion is in the way it is said. Saying that a kink is not your cup of tea, or doesn't interest you is fine. Saying that the same kink is gross or disgusting or makes you feel sick is shaming, and therefore not ok.
MJ x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This thread isn’t for me. I still posted, because I can.
And that’s what some people do on, it’s a public forum. They can say what they want within the rules. |
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I don't think it's necessarily kink shaming all the time that it's called that to be honest. But I think those people are often abrasive on purpose.
To me if there was a redhead thread (as an example because I am one) and people posted I prefer blondes. Cool fair enough I support your choices. Come on the thread and say oh those gingers give me the creeps especially those with the Uber pale skin can see their blue veins. It's just not nice and in my opinion unnecessary.
But people will be people it's up to them how they want to be viewed by others. |
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By *entDomMan
over a year ago
Paddock Wood, Kent |
Agreed although because someone has a fetish or kink that you don't get then that doesn't give you the right to shame them nor them you.
I think it's right to challenge For instance flashing where it is non consensual and might therefore be illegal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will find things "gross or whatever" which they are well within their right too....does that really mean they are kink shaming though????
It’s perfectly normal not to like or agree with something, not everyone likes the same things. It is how you choose to express it.
There are ways to say you don’t like something, without making someone else feel like if they do then they are gross for doing so.
That is what the rest of my post said! "
-
I answered the first part of your quote because you asked a question.
The second part of what you said was your example. Then you ended it with your opinion “How things are worded and interpretated on this site is a major factor.”
Which I don’t fully agree with, because it’s not really about how it’s interpreted. If you said someone’s kink was gross, then how else is that person who reads it going to interpret that, other than thinking what they do is gross? - So I just answered the first part…
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by
Technically impact play is illegal, so spanking, etc, is covered in that.
I agree with you about kink shaming though. Often it’s based in ignorance and education is helpful in that but some seem to enjoy their judgement and ignorance.
*gallic shrug*
In some ways it makes it easier, those types of people aren’t for me and I definitely won’t be for them
Sorry to make an important clarification but I believe impact play is legal. Impact play causing actual bodily harm (or the modern crimimal equivalent) is not legal due to the Spanner case, in most situations.
There are cases where BDSM has been accepted as a defence to physical harm, usually in a domestic setting and most wrongly decided in my non legal view.
Actual bodily harm is the 'moder term' and in no way is impact play or ABH, legal. Consent cannot be taken as a defence for the prosecuted.
(This is the UK, I'm not aware of the current laws elsewhere)
Pxx"
Only if you define impact play as requiring ABH, I would suggest that people can do impact play without marking or ABH. xx |
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People can’t separate fantasy from real life
A common one is the breeding one. So many people get upset about that. It’s a fetish for bareback sex where you finish inside the woman. Maybe with some other light elements added on
But people on here think it literally means “getting her pregnant and running away and forcing her to have the baby”.
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There is a degree of shaming in fab and it isn’t always about kink either but as that is what we are discussing let’s go with that.
Fab is a swinging site which in itself can be described as a kink as it’s not widely accepted in society.
This site is made up from different people looking for different things. The main examples for me are:
People looking for sex one to one and any thought adding a third person isn’t for them
Others are looking for partner swaps
Even meeting others how are in to the same things as they are as fab is a place you should be able to be open about what gets you off. Which is very different for different people.
As already said on this thread language is important and how those words can impact others mentally who maybe are just starting out and have become brave enough to start to embrace who they are but have suppressed it for many years.
It isn’t often I discuss my kinks, not for fear of being shamed but because they don’t define who I am and I know with the right person they will rise to the surface.
The most important thing to remember is that if you can’t comment without judgement, curiosity or even just wanting to have a discussion about it then maybe the thread isn’t for you. Especially when you end up attacking the individual for their sexual choices not the actually act itself.
Marc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People can’t separate fantasy from real life
A common one is the breeding one. So many people get upset about that. It’s a fetish for bareback sex where you finish inside the woman. Maybe with some other light elements added on
But people on here think it literally means “getting her pregnant and running away and forcing her to have the baby”.
"
I had an exchange on here with a guy who was into that. It said for him it was the thrill of the risk in getting someone pregnant that turned him on so much, he described it as a naughtiness thrill. And then he said if actually got someone pregnant he'd crap himself. I don't it is just about being bareback and cumming inside a woman for some.
I guess that's a good example of how I try and understand people's kinks or even try to find what the turn on factor is in it even if I don't want to participate myself. Because Im one of those people that has a fascination with what makes people tick etc. I may not understand or be able to see it but I always know I have my kinks and I can't always explain why I get off on certain things so much maybe others can't either.
PW |
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By *ister CMan
over a year ago
liverpool |
"Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by"
In my years on here and despite what people profess to be its one of the most cliquey and easily triggered groups of peeps ive experienced |
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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
"Why are the forums full of kink shaming? You would expect this place to be abit more laid back...unless its illegal then give it a rest...if you get offended by someone's kink then maybe this site isn't for you,if the kink isn't for you then pass the thread by
In my years on here and despite what people profess to be its one of the most cliquey and easily triggered groups of peeps ive experienced "
Your a happy chap lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I haven’t found kink shaming to be much of a problem on here. Shaming something and having a strong opinion on it aren’t the same thing. Rosie and I like things other people don’t. Can’t say we’ve ever experienced exclusion or negative engagement because of that. Just because it’s a swinging site doesn’t mean everyone is going to just like or accept the same things. Live and let live |
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time.
I tried that second option once and I got annihilated for "trying to police who could comment" and still ended up with a post of 175 mostly negative comments . "
Sadly there are some on here who think they are legends in their own lunchtimes and have to be involved with every discussion topic, even when they have very little to say! |
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time.
I tried that second option once and I got annihilated for "trying to police who could comment" and still ended up with a post of 175 mostly negative comments .
Sadly there are some on here who think they are legends in their own lunchtimes and have to be involved with every discussion topic, even when they have very little to say!"
Ain't that the truth! X |
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time.
I tried that second option once and I got annihilated for "trying to police who could comment" and still ended up with a post of 175 mostly negative comments .
Sadly there are some on here who think they are legends in their own lunchtimes and have to be involved with every discussion topic, even when they have very little to say!"
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time.
I tried that second option once and I got annihilated for "trying to police who could comment" and still ended up with a post of 175 mostly negative comments .
Sadly there are some on here who think they are legends in their own lunchtimes and have to be involved with every discussion topic, even when they have very little to say!"
When you have a niche kink, you're aware that most people aren't going to share it but it's frustrating when you post trying to find others who do but it closes with 175 comments from those who don't before anyone who does even has the opportunity to comment. I don't really bother anymore for that reason. |
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time. "
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We must of been lucky so far ! Everyone we've spoke too have asked about our kinks and fantasies and not one person has shamed or shot us lol, infact the opposite we seem to bring everyone's inner kinks/fantasies out lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbh people need to grow a spine and stop being so bloody sensitive kink shaming in the grand scheme of things i dont think it would score high on the list of bad things thats happened to someone |
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They are not. Just full of people with differing opinions on a variety of topics, we just seem to pick up on the negative. There are some really good informative threads on kink which have been healthy debates
Oh and yes pineapple does belong on pizza... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They are not. Just full of people with differing opinions on a variety of topics, we just seem to pick up on the negative. There are some really good informative threads on kink which have been healthy debates
Oh and yes pineapple does belong on pizza..."
try before you deny duuuuuude |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the difference between shaming and giving an opinion is in the way it is said. Saying that a kink is not your cup of tea, or doesn't interest you is fine. Saying that the same kink is gross or disgusting or makes you feel sick is shaming, and therefore not ok.
MJ x"
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time. "
I agree with Nora.
There's lots of kinksi just really don't understand and can't get my head round why people would enjoy that, but I have my own that people would say the same. Each to their own at the end of the day, as long as it's consenting.
I don't think there's much shaming that goes on. |
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"I think a lot is classed as kink shaming when it actually isn’t. If someone posts a thread saying, for instance, I love being called daddy - anyone else? Thoughts? Opinions? Then people are being asked to post their opinions and reasons why they don’t like it, as I probably would.
If someone posts a thread saying I love being called daddy - this thread is for others into this kink then I wouldn’t comment and I don’t see why anyone who isn’t into that would feel the need to comment.
If you ask for thoughts and opinions on something you can’t expect people to have the same ones as you all the time.
I agree with Nora.
There's lots of kinksi just really don't understand and can't get my head round why people would enjoy that, but I have my own that people would say the same. Each to their own at the end of the day, as long as it's consenting.
I don't think there's much shaming that goes on."
To say it's disgusting which does happen on the forums is kink shaming x |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
"I think some people on here cannot not comment. It's almost like thread appearances are their kink.
This site is incredibly vanilla on the whole anyway. The amount of photos I get rejected is phenomenal and they are very tame compared to the ones I have on THAT other site. I know I'm wired a little differently and I do filter alot of my opinions as a lot of formites won't get me or my humour.
I tend to forget that not everyone is from London or big cities so can be very Conservative in their opinions and may not be exposed to alot of things seen on a daily basis in my neck of the woods. "
THAT other site shocked me at first, until I continued down a rabbit hole and made a few discoveries.
I don't understand how folk can't just move on if they don't like a thing, without commenting on it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx |
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"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx"
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks? |
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"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?"
That's pretty much what I was trying to say earlier, only you said it better.
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"I’d someone message saying their kink was going through womens underwear drawers while they were working on their houses. That may well be a kink but I’ll shame who ever does that creepy "
Can it be classified as a kink if consent hasn't been obtained? |
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"I’d someone message saying their kink was going through womens underwear drawers while they were working on their houses. That may well be a kink but I’ll shame who ever does that creepy "
When bad behaviour is masqueraded as a kink, people will shame. |
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"I’d someone message saying their kink was going through womens underwear drawers while they were working on their houses. That may well be a kink but I’ll shame who ever does that creepy
Can it be classified as a kink if consent hasn't been obtained? "
That was my view. It shouldn’t happen if both parties are not consenting |
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"I’d someone message saying their kink was going through womens underwear drawers while they were working on their houses. That may well be a kink but I’ll shame who ever does that creepy
Can it be classified as a kink if consent hasn't been obtained?
That was my view. It shouldn’t happen if both parties are not consenting "
That's my view on things, minus consent is a totally different thing. |
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"I’d someone message saying their kink was going through womens underwear drawers while they were working on their houses. That may well be a kink but I’ll shame who ever does that creepy
Can it be classified as a kink if consent hasn't been obtained?
That was my view. It shouldn’t happen if both parties are not consenting
That's my view on things, minus consent is a totally different thing. "
The reply of “each to their own” from him made it worse too |
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"I’d someone message saying their kink was going through womens underwear drawers while they were working on their houses. That may well be a kink but I’ll shame who ever does that creepy
Can it be classified as a kink if consent hasn't been obtained?
That was my view. It shouldn’t happen if both parties are not consenting
That's my view on things, minus consent is a totally different thing.
The reply of “each to their own” from him made it worse too "
That's simply not on. Some people like being spanked or spanking others but you don't go around doing it to random people |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
Everything is kinky.
Everything is not kinky.
If you like it, then you like it.
If you don’t, then you don’t.
It’s really up to the person considering it to decide if it is a kink or not. And it’s as complicated an area for discussion as it is as simple. |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
"They are not. Just full of people with differing opinions on a variety of topics, we just seem to pick up on the negative. There are some really good informative threads on kink which have been healthy debates
Oh and yes pineapple does belong on pizza...try before you deny duuuuuude "
 for the quote |
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"I’d someone message saying their kink was going through womens underwear drawers while they were working on their houses. That may well be a kink but I’ll shame who ever does that creepy
Can it be classified as a kink if consent hasn't been obtained?
That was my view. It shouldn’t happen if both parties are not consenting
That's my view on things, minus consent is a totally different thing.
The reply of “each to their own” from him made it worse too
That's simply not on. Some people like being spanked or spanking others but you don't go around doing it to random people "
Yeah, would be like me going up to a random in the street, smacking their arse and saying it’s ok it’s my kink |
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"I’d someone message saying their kink was going through womens underwear drawers while they were working on their houses. That may well be a kink but I’ll shame who ever does that creepy
Can it be classified as a kink if consent hasn't been obtained?
That was my view. It shouldn’t happen if both parties are not consenting
That's my view on things, minus consent is a totally different thing. "
It really is.
I got accused of kink shaming a while back for saying on a thread about deliberately being caught naked by housekeeping staff in hotels that it was completely out of order.
Apparently that’s kink shaming and judgemental - I’ll happily be openly judgemental about people who remove consent from anyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"They are not. Just full of people with differing opinions on a variety of topics, we just seem to pick up on the negative. There are some really good informative threads on kink which have been healthy debates
Oh and yes pineapple does belong on pizza...try before you deny duuuuuude
for the quote "
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"I’d someone message saying their kink was going through womens underwear drawers while they were working on their houses. That may well be a kink but I’ll shame who ever does that creepy
Can it be classified as a kink if consent hasn't been obtained? "
Kinks shouldn't be shamed but expressing or partaking in your kink in ways that harm other people should absolutely be criticised. So for example, people can have an exhibitionism kink and can practice that online on adult websites, at swingers events or at organised meets with people who want to and consent to watching but if they were to publicly engage in sexual activity in front of people who don't consent then they should absolutely be criticised. We all have a responsibility to explore our kinks in an ethical way. |
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"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?"
What if you changed that to "Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a body positivity one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all body types?"
People don't have to like what other people are into but they don't need to be a dick about it and make unsolicited nasty comments, just as they shouldn't about body types they're not into. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?
What if you changed that to "Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a body positivity one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all body types?"
People don't have to like what other people are into but they don't need to be a dick about it and make unsolicited nasty comments, just as they shouldn't about body types they're not into. "
Well said on both your comments above. Couldn’t agree more |
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If this is the case I’m completely shocked
You need to have an open mind and not be shocked by anything everyone is different what might not be a turn on for one might be for another
It’s very easy to say each to their own but it’s not for me
Instead of shaming bully tactics if you ask me |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?
What if you changed that to "Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a body positivity one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all body types?"
People don't have to like what other people are into but they don't need to be a dick about it and make unsolicited nasty comments, just as they shouldn't about body types they're not into. "
The truth of it is probably that not everyone here is fully self-confident, and ‘kink shaming’ allows them to feel superior in some way. To experience a warm glow, however transient it might be.
Additionally, to be open about some kinks here means you do need to be very self-confident to be so open in the face of the inevitable misunderstanding and criticism, which others will find threatening for the same reason. |
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"I’d someone message saying their kink was going through womens underwear drawers while they were working on their houses. That may well be a kink but I’ll shame who ever does that creepy "
I remember a thread in the very same subject. Plenty joined in and gave examples of times they'd rifled through drawers and dirty washing baskets. That thread alone is the reason I will no longer allow tradesmen in my home without me there to supervise where they go and don't deviate. |
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"I did say in opening post as long as its not illegal, I think going through someone's drawers without consent might be illegal "
I've no idea if it is or not, as they don't steal the items, just find them and have a good sniff. |
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"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?
What if you changed that to "Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a body positivity one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all body types?"
People don't have to like what other people are into but they don't need to be a dick about it and make unsolicited nasty comments, just as they shouldn't about body types they're not into.
The truth of it is probably that not everyone here is fully self-confident, and ‘kink shaming’ allows them to feel superior in some way. To experience a warm glow, however transient it might be.
Additionally, to be open about some kinks here means you do need to be very self-confident to be so open in the face of the inevitable misunderstanding and criticism, which others will find threatening for the same reason."
That's the approach I've taken to just let them make their comments and crack on. I've got to a point of getting amusement out of it at times if anything. It shouldn't have to be like that though and it always makes me sad when I do comment about stuff and I get people private messaging me to say they enjoy the same things but are too nervous to say so publicly because of the comments by others. |
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"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?
What if you changed that to "Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a body positivity one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all body types?"
People don't have to like what other people are into but they don't need to be a dick about it and make unsolicited nasty comments, just as they shouldn't about body types they're not into.
The truth of it is probably that not everyone here is fully self-confident, and ‘kink shaming’ allows them to feel superior in some way. To experience a warm glow, however transient it might be.
Additionally, to be open about some kinks here means you do need to be very self-confident to be so open in the face of the inevitable misunderstanding and criticism, which others will find threatening for the same reason.
That's the approach I've taken to just let them make their comments and crack on. I've got to a point of getting amusement out of it at times if anything. It shouldn't have to be like that though and it always makes me sad when I do comment about stuff and I get people private messaging me to say they enjoy the same things but are too nervous to say so publicly because of the comments by others. "
I was one of those people many moons ago |
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"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?
What if you changed that to "Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a body positivity one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all body types?"
People don't have to like what other people are into but they don't need to be a dick about it and make unsolicited nasty comments, just as they shouldn't about body types they're not into.
The truth of it is probably that not everyone here is fully self-confident, and ‘kink shaming’ allows them to feel superior in some way. To experience a warm glow, however transient it might be.
Additionally, to be open about some kinks here means you do need to be very self-confident to be so open in the face of the inevitable misunderstanding and criticism, which others will find threatening for the same reason.
That's the approach I've taken to just let them make their comments and crack on. I've got to a point of getting amusement out of it at times if anything. It shouldn't have to be like that though and it always makes me sad when I do comment about stuff and I get people private messaging me to say they enjoy the same things but are too nervous to say so publicly because of the comments by others.
I was one of those people many moons ago "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?
What if you changed that to "Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a body positivity one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all body types?"
People don't have to like what other people are into but they don't need to be a dick about it and make unsolicited nasty comments, just as they shouldn't about body types they're not into.
The truth of it is probably that not everyone here is fully self-confident, and ‘kink shaming’ allows them to feel superior in some way. To experience a warm glow, however transient it might be.
Additionally, to be open about some kinks here means you do need to be very self-confident to be so open in the face of the inevitable misunderstanding and criticism, which others will find threatening for the same reason.
That's the approach I've taken to just let them make their comments and crack on. I've got to a point of getting amusement out of it at times if anything. It shouldn't have to be like that though and it always makes me sad when I do comment about stuff and I get people private messaging me to say they enjoy the same things but are too nervous to say so publicly because of the comments by others. "
This is why I will always stand up to the shamers. I’m confident in my kinks, and I don’t care what people think, but I’ve had the same messages.
Talking openly about kinks has helped educate others, and that’s got to be a good thing. |
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"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?
What if you changed that to "Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a body positivity one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all body types?"
People don't have to like what other people are into but they don't need to be a dick about it and make unsolicited nasty comments, just as they shouldn't about body types they're not into.
The truth of it is probably that not everyone here is fully self-confident, and ‘kink shaming’ allows them to feel superior in some way. To experience a warm glow, however transient it might be.
Additionally, to be open about some kinks here means you do need to be very self-confident to be so open in the face of the inevitable misunderstanding and criticism, which others will find threatening for the same reason.
That's the approach I've taken to just let them make their comments and crack on. I've got to a point of getting amusement out of it at times if anything. It shouldn't have to be like that though and it always makes me sad when I do comment about stuff and I get people private messaging me to say they enjoy the same things but are too nervous to say so publicly because of the comments by others.
This is why I will always stand up to the shamers. I’m confident in my kinks, and I don’t care what people think, but I’ve had the same messages.
Talking openly about kinks has helped educate others, and that’s got to be a good thing."
Absolutely agree Hippy  |
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"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?
What if you changed that to "Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a body positivity one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all body types?"
People don't have to like what other people are into but they don't need to be a dick about it and make unsolicited nasty comments, just as they shouldn't about body types they're not into.
The truth of it is probably that not everyone here is fully self-confident, and ‘kink shaming’ allows them to feel superior in some way. To experience a warm glow, however transient it might be.
Additionally, to be open about some kinks here means you do need to be very self-confident to be so open in the face of the inevitable misunderstanding and criticism, which others will find threatening for the same reason.
That's the approach I've taken to just let them make their comments and crack on. I've got to a point of getting amusement out of it at times if anything. It shouldn't have to be like that though and it always makes me sad when I do comment about stuff and I get people private messaging me to say they enjoy the same things but are too nervous to say so publicly because of the comments by others.
This is why I will always stand up to the shamers. I’m confident in my kinks, and I don’t care what people think, but I’ve had the same messages.
Talking openly about kinks has helped educate others, and that’s got to be a good thing."
Same Hippy, it's amazing how your inbox can get flooded with messages after certain threads. So even if people are going to hate they don't really achieve much as far as I can see. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately there is a lot of kink shaming on this site. Most of the time it's done in the disguise of so called humour " its just a joke". Well it not a joke to some. I am not saying you can't have a laugh but not just because you don't like something. After all we are meant to be adults on a adults swing site. xx
Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a fetish one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all kinks?
What if you changed that to "Devils advocate.....it's a swinging site, not a body positivity one. Why would you assume just because some people enjoy sex they would be accepting of any and all body types?"
People don't have to like what other people are into but they don't need to be a dick about it and make unsolicited nasty comments, just as they shouldn't about body types they're not into.
The truth of it is probably that not everyone here is fully self-confident, and ‘kink shaming’ allows them to feel superior in some way. To experience a warm glow, however transient it might be.
Additionally, to be open about some kinks here means you do need to be very self-confident to be so open in the face of the inevitable misunderstanding and criticism, which others will find threatening for the same reason.
That's the approach I've taken to just let them make their comments and crack on. I've got to a point of getting amusement out of it at times if anything. It shouldn't have to be like that though and it always makes me sad when I do comment about stuff and I get people private messaging me to say they enjoy the same things but are too nervous to say so publicly because of the comments by others.
This is why I will always stand up to the shamers. I’m confident in my kinks, and I don’t care what people think, but I’ve had the same messages.
Talking openly about kinks has helped educate others, and that’s got to be a good thing.
Same Hippy, it's amazing how your inbox can get flooded with messages after certain threads. So even if people are going to hate they don't really achieve much as far as I can see. "
They achieve making people feel shamed and bad about themselves (not me, I’m unashamedly a pervert), and that is unacceptable. |
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"Submissive’s are just indecisive people
Well yes, no, maybe 
Stop interrupting my kink shaming
What you going to do about it? Nothing
Shame you to kingdom come "
You can try I mean certainly you can. But it's not going to work, too far gone |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Submissive’s are just indecisive people
Well yes, no, maybe
Stop interrupting my kink shaming
What you going to do about it? Nothing
Shame you to kingdom come
You can try I mean certainly you can. But it's not going to work, too far gone "
I can draw you map if it will help you get back |
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"Submissive’s are just indecisive people
Well yes, no, maybe
Stop interrupting my kink shaming
What you going to do about it? Nothing
Shame you to kingdom come
You can try I mean certainly you can. But it's not going to work, too far gone
I can draw you map if it will help you get back "
Back to where exactly? |
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"We’ve received a fair bit of hate about our kink dynamic - always people who don’t understand or take the time to ask first "
It does unfortunately happen, especially in certain dynamics on here. Plenty though on here that are DDlg friendly though  |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Submissive’s are just indecisive people
Well yes, no, maybe
Stop interrupting my kink shaming
What you going to do about it? Nothing
Shame you to kingdom come
You can try I mean certainly you can. But it's not going to work, too far gone
I can draw you map if it will help you get back
Back to where exactly? "
The land of FUCK OFF GINGER |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We’ve received a fair bit of hate about our kink dynamic - always people who don’t understand or take the time to ask first
It does unfortunately happen, especially in certain dynamics on here. Plenty though on here that are DDlg friendly though "
Thanks guys |
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"Submissive’s are just indecisive people
Well yes, no, maybe
Stop interrupting my kink shaming
What you going to do about it? Nothing
Shame you to kingdom come
You can try I mean certainly you can. But it's not going to work, too far gone
I can draw you map if it will help you get back
Back to where exactly?
The land of FUCK OFF GINGER "
There's nothing more scary in the world than a pissed off ginger, you know that right? |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Submissive’s are just indecisive people
Well yes, no, maybe
Stop interrupting my kink shaming
What you going to do about it? Nothing
Shame you to kingdom come
You can try I mean certainly you can. But it's not going to work, too far gone
I can draw you map if it will help you get back
Back to where exactly?
The land of FUCK OFF GINGER
There's nothing more scary in the world than a pissed off ginger, you know that right? "
Yes there is.
A pissed of ginger with skin so pale you can see their veins. That just terrifying |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Submissive’s are just indecisive people
Well yes, no, maybe
Stop interrupting my kink shaming
What you going to do about it? Nothing
Shame you to kingdom come
You can try I mean certainly you can. But it's not going to work, too far gone
I can draw you map if it will help you get back
Back to where exactly?
The land of FUCK OFF GINGER
There's nothing more scary in the world than a pissed off ginger, you know that right?
Yes there is.
A pissed of ginger with skin so pale you can see their veins. That just terrifying "
Definitely creepy person, keep away |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"We’ve received a fair bit of hate about our kink dynamic - always people who don’t understand or take the time to ask first
It does unfortunately happen, especially in certain dynamics on here. Plenty though on here that are DDlg friendly though "
Unfortunately that is one kink that can be highly shamed *especially* if you're playing outside of the more 'acceptable' grounds of nurturing dynamic.
I play with SM/regression and sex with my kink and I get a lot of hate about it. |
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"What if someone's kink is kink shaming
To be fair though people do often call it out when it happens. I do feel there is sometimes an element of someone taking someone's objection to it as shaming them when they are simply saying no thank you. "
It is one thing to say no thank you or that’s not for me but I agree with the OP there are many where they cross the line into questioning why someone would do it and that’s not productive. |
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