FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Whats wrong with me?
Whats wrong with me?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I met someone recently, someone i really, really like, its an attraction that goes beyond the physical and we connected on so many levels, so we planned to meet up. When i mentioned that i had pre-made plans with another person i hadnt met before either, she was surprised and upset that i had said i wasnt going to wear a condom with them. I told her i dont use them. I completely disregarded her health and that was a huge mistake. It really fucked things up between us and she decided that we werent going to have sex when we met up.
I dont know what the fuck i was thinking, i was obviously being very stupid and selfish. And now after having met this woman i wouldnt have wanted to meet the other person i had previously made plans with. I really screwed up big, because i was really hoping for something special with this woman but my ignorance and stupidity ruined that for both of us. And it turns out that the person i had already made plans with is most likely a catfish.
Im having serious trouble with understanding why the hell i would even do something like this. Im distraught over the fact i was going to put someones health at risk, and simultaneously ruined a great connection i had made with someone. I really need help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You were honest, that's something to be proud of.  If you had lied about using a condom that wouldn't be good.
I wouldn't tell a new person who else I'm meeting because it's none if their business. Until maybe we were seeing each other more often and our relationship rules required honesty on that front.
Don't beat yourself up. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definitely. Think with head not dick next time. You fucked up just don't do it with the next one. Can't stand men who won't use protection, its very selfish."
Why is it selfish? The other person can choose not to fuck them if they don't like it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well really at the end of the day you were honest…
I’m not sure why you told her the details but at least you didn’t lie about it. It would have been worse if you said yeah I only play safe when you don’t… |
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Guys so often let thir dick do the thinking, my husband done it on a meet this morning
We so often get caught in the moment, sometimes it's best to try and take a step back, think of things from an outsiders perspective easier said than done though I know |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hopefully you've learnt a valuable lesson."
I have, really i have, it shouldnt have happened in the first place but it wont be a mistake ill be making again |
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You're already down, acknowledged your serious 'faux pas', feeling rotten and therefore no need for any one of us to rhetorically kick you any further.
Next time just exercise discretion and sensitivity when you have concurrent social meets planned. Some people don't like to feel second best or feel that they're an interloper.
Safe sex/unprotected/being mindful of health: I think you already know.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well really at the end of the day you were honest…
I’m not sure why you told her the details but at least you didn’t lie about it. It would have been worse if you said yeah I only play safe when you don’t…"
The simple truth is i was honest to a fault and over shared, she didnt even ask. Stupid i know. She only asked about safe sex after i had over shared |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You were honest, that's something to be proud of. If you had lied about using a condom that wouldn't be good.
I wouldn't tell a new person who else I'm meeting because it's none if their business. Until maybe we were seeing each other more often and our relationship rules required honesty on that front.
Don't beat yourself up. X"
I wouldnt have lied, ever. But i was too honest and over shared something that she didnt ask me about. Though i wouldve felt i was being dishonest had i not said that i had plans to meet someone |
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How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in. |
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"Definitely. Think with head not dick next time. You fucked up just don't do it with the next one. Can't stand men who won't use protection, its very selfish.
Because he pushed her into a corner saying it's the only way he wanted sex. Selfish. Oh course, tge woman did the right thing and got the hell out of there. There should of been a discussion beforehand about this as it's unusual for a man to not want to wear a condom on the first meeting.
Why is it selfish? The other person can choose not to fuck them if they don't like it. "
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I don't think you overshared at all. You gave her enough information for her to decide not to meet you again and stop things there.
It's true that who we may meet isn't anyone else's business but this does prove that it does impact things. You both probably feel shit now, but it's better than feeling even more shit down the line by her finding out after the event. That makes you feel stupid and dirty.
Keep wearing your heart on your sleeve and being honest. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You're already down, acknowledged your serious 'faux pas', feeling rotten and therefore no need for any one of us to rhetorically kick you any further.
Next time just exercise discretion and sensitivity when you have concurrent social meets planned. Some people don't like to feel second best or feel that they're an interloper.
Safe sex/unprotected/being mindful of health: I think you already know. "
Youre exactly right, i feel horrible for what ive done. It is a lesson learned and i appreciate that i dont need any further judgement, ive already judged myself harshly for my actions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I met someone recently, someone i really, really like, its an attraction that goes beyond the physical and we connected on so many levels, so we planned to meet up. When i mentioned that i had pre-made plans with another person i hadnt met before either, she was surprised and upset that i had said i wasnt going to wear a condom with them. I told her i dont use them. I completely disregarded her health and that was a huge mistake. It really fucked things up between us and she decided that we werent going to have sex when we met up.
I dont know what the fuck i was thinking, i was obviously being very stupid and selfish. And now after having met this woman i wouldnt have wanted to meet the other person i had previously made plans with. I really screwed up big, because i was really hoping for something special with this woman but my ignorance and stupidity ruined that for both of us. And it turns out that the person i had already made plans with is most likely a catfish.
Im having serious trouble with understanding why the hell i would even do something like this. Im distraught over the fact i was going to put someones health at risk, and simultaneously ruined a great connection i had made with someone. I really need help."
You were honest.
My own homespun philosophy;
Dont beat yourself up from your honesty, but from the lies you tell yourself and the ones you love.
A hurt from honesty is never forgotten. A hurt from a lie is never forgiven.
Winston |
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"I met someone recently, someone i really, really like, its an attraction that goes beyond the physical and we connected on so many levels, so we planned to meet up. When i mentioned that i had pre-made plans with another person i hadnt met before either, she was surprised and upset that i had said i wasnt going to wear a condom with them. I told her i dont use them. I completely disregarded her health and that was a huge mistake. It really fucked things up between us and she decided that we werent going to have sex when we met up.
I dont know what the fuck i was thinking, i was obviously being very stupid and selfish. And now after having met this woman i wouldnt have wanted to meet the other person i had previously made plans with. I really screwed up big, because i was really hoping for something special with this woman but my ignorance and stupidity ruined that for both of us. And it turns out that the person i had already made plans with is most likely a catfish.
Im having serious trouble with understanding why the hell i would even do something like this. Im distraught over the fact i was going to put someones health at risk, and simultaneously ruined a great connection i had made with someone. I really need help.
You were honest.
My own homespun philosophy;
Dont beat yourself up from your honesty, but from the lies you tell yourself and the ones you love.
A hurt from honesty is never forgotten. A hurt from a lie is never forgiven.
Winston"
I love that.
Delving deeper, forgiving ourselves for believing lies were told can also be a huge fucking struggle and hurdle. Maybe one day I'll get there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Learn from it buddy but also the big factor was around health 'please think of yours too !"
Youre right, i shouldve thought about my health too, its really bothering me that i didnt think about that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I met someone recently, someone i really, really like, its an attraction that goes beyond the physical and we connected on so many levels, so we planned to meet up. When i mentioned that i had pre-made plans with another person i hadnt met before either, she was surprised and upset that i had said i wasnt going to wear a condom with them. I told her i dont use them. I completely disregarded her health and that was a huge mistake. It really fucked things up between us and she decided that we werent going to have sex when we met up.
I dont know what the fuck i was thinking, i was obviously being very stupid and selfish. And now after having met this woman i wouldnt have wanted to meet the other person i had previously made plans with. I really screwed up big, because i was really hoping for something special with this woman but my ignorance and stupidity ruined that for both of us. And it turns out that the person i had already made plans with is most likely a catfish.
Im having serious trouble with understanding why the hell i would even do something like this. Im distraught over the fact i was going to put someones health at risk, and simultaneously ruined a great connection i had made with someone. I really need help.
You were honest.
My own homespun philosophy;
Dont beat yourself up from your honesty, but from the lies you tell yourself and the ones you love.
A hurt from honesty is never forgotten. A hurt from a lie is never forgiven.
Winston
I love that.
Delving deeper, forgiving ourselves for believing lies were told can also be a huge fucking struggle and hurdle. Maybe one day I'll get there."
Thank you.
You will.
Winston |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Health before kink
I know what I mean when I say that too.
I haven’t had unprotected sex for over 10 years. If a man professed to like me more than ‘normal’ on here, and then proceeded to have unprotected sex with others …. Well ….
Would I love to meet someone I trusted enough to do that with ?? Yes
I can see and understand why she felt the way she did, and I also say to you that your honesty is refreshing.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in."
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in.
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot"
I understand her concerns |
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in.
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot
I understand her concerns"
Im curious to know, as you say when you told her you dont wear them she got upset, can only think that must be the first time she found that out? Had that not been talked about at all when messaging? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok, youre getting a lot of judgement here, which I dont really think is fair. A lot of people dont practice safe sex (and im not just talking condoms, which is only a part of safe sex).
Its a subject people feel uncomfortable talking about mostly because noone has ever had the "safe-sex" conversation with them, so they dont know how to do it. They know they should practice safe sex, but they arent sure when, or how, or what... so they just let sex happen and dont think about it.
In my experience, people are flustered and awkward when I bring it up, then they relax and start asking questions when they realise Im not judging them for not having thought about it before. 10 minutes later, they have a postal sti test ordered, and are much clearer about what the risks of different activities are and what is going to suit them.
You arent the first person to have not thought about safe sex. You dont have to feel like you are an awful person. Do some research, start thinking about it and start talking with potential partners about what safe sex practices you are taking/expect before you start playing.
If (and thats a very very big if) you think the person you met might be open to it, maybe contact her and let her know that your conversation has made you think a lot about safe sex and you are trying to figure out a better way to manage your sexual health.
If she has said or implied that she doesnt want to have any more contact from you, absolutely do not message her (obviously...)
Good luck!
Fay x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in."
totally agree with this each and everyone of us are responsible for our selves and unless in a good relationship trust no one my outlook for guys is they all play bare so im responible for my own self .... its not safe sex by the way its safer sex and do you get tested ? many dont they just think the condom is all they need ...wrong seen many safe sex folk get sti when i do my voluntary work for a safe sex charity people who have regular sex with others should stop being lazy and test |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You were honest, that's something to be proud of. If you had lied about using a condom that wouldn't be good.
I wouldn't tell a new person who else I'm meeting because it's none if their business. Until maybe we were seeing each other more often and our relationship rules required honesty on that front.
Don't beat yourself up. X
I wouldnt have lied, ever. But i was too honest and over shared something that she didnt ask me about. Though i wouldve felt i was being dishonest had i not said that i had plans to meet someone"
That’s sometimes the problem, you sort of need to fine tune it a bit as too much honesty can cause the other person to feel second best or whatever
I think you did the right thing to disclose the fact that you didn’t use a condom but u should have kept it short and simple maybe |
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You don't need to understand. You just need to show yourself some compassion and to move on.
Plus, I'd not be discussing potential meets with someone else, that I'd not even met yet. There's no guarantee with any meet that there's compatibility, turning up, any sex on the cards, etc.
Stick with the here and now, that's real. Keep discussions about other relationships on a need to know basis, where informing others of your interests and dating status, can be kept at a high level, without miniscule detail |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"You were honest, don't beat yourself up.
Sounds like you need a hug x
•
We had a 'grouphug' earlier ^ and then Winston started making tea. Where were you?  "
Moving house.
I always miss the fun bits |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in.
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot
I understand her concerns
Im curious to know, as you say when you told her you dont wear them she got upset, can only think that must be the first time she found that out? Had that not been talked about at all when messaging? "
it was a spontaneous decision to meet up the topic of safe sex came up right after we decided to meet. i said i had plans with someone else, she said 'sure okay of course you do. we're on a swingers site. amd by the way I always play safe with everyone I meet, please tell me you do too' at which point I told her that no I don't always use condoms. I have a good sense of people and who I can trust and I know when someone is clean. She was horrified. She asked if I was planning to use a condom with her if something happend, I said I wouldn't be sure I would be able to get / stay hard. Then she said that maybe we could still meet as friends but that she would not want to have sex with me. I offered to get tested before meeting her. She asked me if I would start using condoms in the mean time. I told her that I would not. |
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in.
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot
I understand her concerns
Im curious to know, as you say when you told her you dont wear them she got upset, can only think that must be the first time she found that out? Had that not been talked about at all when messaging?
it was a spontaneous decision to meet up the topic of safe sex came up right after we decided to meet. i said i had plans with someone else, she said 'sure okay of course you do. we're on a swingers site. amd by the way I always play safe with everyone I meet, please tell me you do too' at which point I told her that no I don't always use condoms. I have a good sense of people and who I can trust and I know when someone is clean. She was horrified. She asked if I was planning to use a condom with her if something happend, I said I wouldn't be sure I would be able to get / stay hard. Then she said that maybe we could still meet as friends but that she would not want to have sex with me. I offered to get tested before meeting her. She asked me if I would start using condoms in the mean time. I told her that I would not."
You don't know if someone has an STI or not. It isn't about trust as sometimes they may not know themselves. I know someone recently who had a syphilis scare as they had unprotected sex with a partner they split up with a few months prior because its his ex and he trusts her. 3 months later she finds out she has syphilis and doesn't know how long she has had it for. Syphilis also has a long incubation period like with HIV so isn't often detectable in tests until 3 months after infection so testing may not have caught it anyway. Thankfully he was negative. It's your body and its entirely up to you how you wish to approach safe sex but I completely understand her reservations, especially as you seem a little misinformed with some of the things you have said here. Women also have the risk of catching HPV which can have a high risk of causing cervical cancer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you decide the other lady was 'probably a catfish' before or after getting blown out?
My thoughts would be exactly the same and good for her for not compromising her morals
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in.
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot
I understand her concerns
Im curious to know, as you say when you told her you dont wear them she got upset, can only think that must be the first time she found that out? Had that not been talked about at all when messaging?
it was a spontaneous decision to meet up the topic of safe sex came up right after we decided to meet. i said i had plans with someone else, she said 'sure okay of course you do. we're on a swingers site. amd by the way I always play safe with everyone I meet, please tell me you do too' at which point I told her that no I don't always use condoms. I have a good sense of people and who I can trust and I know when someone is clean. She was horrified. She asked if I was planning to use a condom with her if something happend, I said I wouldn't be sure I would be able to get / stay hard. Then she said that maybe we could still meet as friends but that she would not want to have sex with me. I offered to get tested before meeting her. She asked me if I would start using condoms in the mean time. I told her that I would not.
You don't know if someone has an STI or not. It isn't about trust as sometimes they may not know themselves. I know someone recently who had a syphilis scare as they had unprotected sex with a partner they split up with a few months prior because its his ex and he trusts her. 3 months later she finds out she has syphilis and doesn't know how long she has had it for. Syphilis also has a long incubation period like with HIV so isn't often detectable in tests until 3 months after infection so testing may not have caught it anyway. Thankfully he was negative. It's your body and its entirely up to you how you wish to approach safe sex but I completely understand her reservations, especially as you seem a little misinformed with some of the things you have said here. Women also have the risk of catching HPV which can have a high risk of causing cervical cancer. "
I was faithful for 11 years and found out after the relationship ended I had chlamydia. He still couldn't admit he cheated on me 
Had I not had any suspicions of him cheating I don't know if I'd have got tested when I did. That's what trust gets ya. |
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in.
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot
I understand her concerns
Im curious to know, as you say when you told her you dont wear them she got upset, can only think that must be the first time she found that out? Had that not been talked about at all when messaging?
it was a spontaneous decision to meet up the topic of safe sex came up right after we decided to meet. i said i had plans with someone else, she said 'sure okay of course you do. we're on a swingers site. amd by the way I always play safe with everyone I meet, please tell me you do too' at which point I told her that no I don't always use condoms. I have a good sense of people and who I can trust and I know when someone is clean. She was horrified. She asked if I was planning to use a condom with her if something happend, I said I wouldn't be sure I would be able to get / stay hard. Then she said that maybe we could still meet as friends but that she would not want to have sex with me. I offered to get tested before meeting her. She asked me if I would start using condoms in the mean time. I told her that I would not."
Kudos to you there! You have done nothing wrong or to feel bad about. I especially like when she asked if you would start using condoms in the mean time and you said no. I always discuss it when a meets even mentioned so even though it wasn't the best way to find out each others feelings on the subject it's so much better its done now. That could of ended so much worse if on the night. It probably feels a shitter now as yoh think you messed up or lost out. If you never lied about it you didn't mess up and don't think you've lost out due to it as you not lost anything..just not gained anything either. As neither of you brought the subject up if anyone's yo blame its you both. When you did talk you were open and honest. I get from what you said, when asked if you would use one with her you saod not sure about getting/staying hard you were still honest. I only worry about what someone does with me and keeping myself safe so don't question what they done before to much. Of someone does gotta accept mah lot like the answer. If a guy did say something like " not sure I'd keep it hard wearing one " ..Well I'd see about that. Sounds almost a challenge
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in.
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot
I understand her concerns
Im curious to know, as you say when you told her you dont wear them she got upset, can only think that must be the first time she found that out? Had that not been talked about at all when messaging?
it was a spontaneous decision to meet up the topic of safe sex came up right after we decided to meet. i said i had plans with someone else, she said 'sure okay of course you do. we're on a swingers site. amd by the way I always play safe with everyone I meet, please tell me you do too' at which point I told her that no I don't always use condoms. I have a good sense of people and who I can trust and I know when someone is clean. She was horrified. She asked if I was planning to use a condom with her if something happend, I said I wouldn't be sure I would be able to get / stay hard. Then she said that maybe we could still meet as friends but that she would not want to have sex with me. I offered to get tested before meeting her. She asked me if I would start using condoms in the mean time. I told her that I would not.
You don't know if someone has an STI or not. It isn't about trust as sometimes they may not know themselves. I know someone recently who had a syphilis scare as they had unprotected sex with a partner they split up with a few months prior because its his ex and he trusts her. 3 months later she finds out she has syphilis and doesn't know how long she has had it for. Syphilis also has a long incubation period like with HIV so isn't often detectable in tests until 3 months after infection so testing may not have caught it anyway. Thankfully he was negative. It's your body and its entirely up to you how you wish to approach safe sex but I completely understand her reservations, especially as you seem a little misinformed with some of the things you have said here. Women also have the risk of catching HPV which can have a high risk of causing cervical cancer.
I was faithful for 11 years and found out after the relationship ended I had chlamydia. He still couldn't admit he cheated on me
Had I not had any suspicions of him cheating I don't know if I'd have got tested when I did. That's what trust gets ya."
I got It off the loo seat in Asda..said my old mate when he told his Mrs.. |
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in.
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot
I understand her concerns
Im curious to know, as you say when you told her you dont wear them she got upset, can only think that must be the first time she found that out? Had that not been talked about at all when messaging?
it was a spontaneous decision to meet up the topic of safe sex came up right after we decided to meet. i said i had plans with someone else, she said 'sure okay of course you do. we're on a swingers site. amd by the way I always play safe with everyone I meet, please tell me you do too' at which point I told her that no I don't always use condoms. I have a good sense of people and who I can trust and I know when someone is clean. She was horrified. She asked if I was planning to use a condom with her if something happend, I said I wouldn't be sure I would be able to get / stay hard. Then she said that maybe we could still meet as friends but that she would not want to have sex with me. I offered to get tested before meeting her. She asked me if I would start using condoms in the mean time. I told her that I would not.
Kudos to you there! You have done nothing wrong or to feel bad about. I especially like when she asked if you would start using condoms in the mean time and you said no. I always discuss it when a meets even mentioned so even though it wasn't the best way to find out each others feelings on the subject it's so much better its done now. That could of ended so much worse if on the night. It probably feels a shitter now as yoh think you messed up or lost out. If you never lied about it you didn't mess up and don't think you've lost out due to it as you not lost anything..just not gained anything either. As neither of you brought the subject up if anyone's yo blame its you both. When you did talk you were open and honest. I get from what you said, when asked if you would use one with her you saod not sure about getting/staying hard you were still honest. I only worry about what someone does with me and keeping myself safe so don't question what they done before to much. Of someone does gotta accept mah lot like the answer. If a guy did say something like " not sure I'd keep it hard wearing one " ..Well I'd see about that. Sounds almost a challenge
"
Only thing I'd like you to realise is that is can lot possible know if someone is "clean " or not unless you sut right next to them from 5when they test to results back. It would be nice if we could trust what people say but we can't. Like you shouldn't just trust every girl who says " I'm on the pill such.. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I met someone recently, someone i really, really like, its an attraction that goes beyond the physical and we connected on so many levels, so we planned to meet up. When i mentioned that i had pre-made plans with another person i hadnt met before either, she was surprised and upset that i had said i wasnt going to wear a condom with them. I told her i dont use them. I completely disregarded her health and that was a huge mistake. It really fucked things up between us and she decided that we werent going to have sex when we met up.
I dont know what the fuck i was thinking, i was obviously being very stupid and selfish. And now after having met this woman i wouldnt have wanted to meet the other person i had previously made plans with. I really screwed up big, because i was really hoping for something special with this woman but my ignorance and stupidity ruined that for both of us. And it turns out that the person i had already made plans with is most likely a catfish.
Im having serious trouble with understanding why the hell i would even do something like this. Im distraught over the fact i was going to put someones health at risk, and simultaneously ruined a great connection i had made with someone. I really need help."
Sounds like you need a serious conversation with yourself and make some life changes.
Admitting you are putting others health at risk is like acknowledging you may likely have STI
You shouldn’t be wearing a condom to protect others health, you should be testing regularly for that and wearing them to ensure you stay STI free. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There’s guys who have bareback same sex anal behind their wives back then go and fuck them unprotected without their knowledge and they feel no guilt!
I think you are being far too hard on yourself! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t really see what you think you did wrong here OP unless I’m missing something. Whether you choose to play safe or not is your business. It sounds like you were open and up front about it which is awesome. It’s unfortunate that the other person has reacted badly to that but that’s completely out of your control, and on them. If your preferences for safe sex aren’t aligned that’s just circumstancial. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t stop being honest if that’s who you are  |
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"So was SHE going to be bareback with YOU? On the FIRST meet? But had a tantrum when you were doing it with others?
Have I got this right?
All sounds a bit hypocritical to me.
GG x"
From what I gather this was the first the subject came up. She asked if he was gonna use one with her when they meet amd he, honestly, said he wasn't sure he would get hard or keep it up with one on..
My first thought was same as you. That she was happy to BB with him but not him with another meet and double standards. At least the guys been honest, just would of been a shit thing to have dicovered about esch others feelings on condoms on the night. |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
I'm not too sure I understand what you are seeking help with or if it's wise to debate it here.
You are saying, that she is still willing to meet you. So that's great, isn't it? She must also feel a connection then.
Once you meet, you will know if either of you is willing to change your position or maybe you can find some sort of compromise. You say that you can understand why she feels your actions would have put her safety at risk, so as long as you have articulated that to her, she can probably forgive you considering that it came up before there was actual risk. |
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"So was SHE going to be bareback with YOU? On the FIRST meet? But had a tantrum when you were doing it with others?
Have I got this right?
All sounds a bit hypocritical to me.
GG x"
No, she said she always plays safe. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So was SHE going to be bareback with YOU? On the FIRST meet? But had a tantrum when you were doing it with others?
Have I got this right?
All sounds a bit hypocritical to me.
GG x"
No, you do not have this right. I’ve explained the story in other replies maybe read it before commenting. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in.
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot
I understand her concerns
Im curious to know, as you say when you told her you dont wear them she got upset, can only think that must be the first time she found that out? Had that not been talked about at all when messaging?
it was a spontaneous decision to meet up the topic of safe sex came up right after we decided to meet. i said i had plans with someone else, she said 'sure okay of course you do. we're on a swingers site. amd by the way I always play safe with everyone I meet, please tell me you do too' at which point I told her that no I don't always use condoms. I have a good sense of people and who I can trust and I know when someone is clean. She was horrified. She asked if I was planning to use a condom with her if something happend, I said I wouldn't be sure I would be able to get / stay hard. Then she said that maybe we could still meet as friends but that she would not want to have sex with me. I offered to get tested before meeting her. She asked me if I would start using condoms in the mean time. I told her that I would not.
Kudos to you there! You have done nothing wrong or to feel bad about. I especially like when she asked if you would start using condoms in the mean time and you said no. I always discuss it when a meets even mentioned so even though it wasn't the best way to find out each others feelings on the subject it's so much better its done now. That could of ended so much worse if on the night. It probably feels a shitter now as yoh think you messed up or lost out. If you never lied about it you didn't mess up and don't think you've lost out due to it as you not lost anything..just not gained anything either. As neither of you brought the subject up if anyone's yo blame its you both. When you did talk you were open and honest. I get from what you said, when asked if you would use one with her you saod not sure about getting/staying hard you were still honest. I only worry about what someone does with me and keeping myself safe so don't question what they done before to much. Of someone does gotta accept mah lot like the answer. If a guy did say something like " not sure I'd keep it hard wearing one " ..Well I'd see about that. Sounds almost a challenge
"
It’s hard for me to tell if you’re trolling me. |
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"How did you disregard her health.....she is responsible for her own, no-one else! So what if you were going to possibly fuck someone else, unless you had talked about being exclusive then what did she expect! This is why I always play safe unless it's with a trusted long term partner as you never know where things are being stuck in.
Its not about whether this woman had a problem or not or what she expects from people, its the fact that i wasnt going to wear a condom, and thats a serious problem. She doesnt have any issue with me swinging or seeing other people, saying that i dont play safe concerned her a lot
I understand her concerns
Im curious to know, as you say when you told her you dont wear them she got upset, can only think that must be the first time she found that out? Had that not been talked about at all when messaging?
it was a spontaneous decision to meet up the topic of safe sex came up right after we decided to meet. i said i had plans with someone else, she said 'sure okay of course you do. we're on a swingers site. amd by the way I always play safe with everyone I meet, please tell me you do too' at which point I told her that no I don't always use condoms. I have a good sense of people and who I can trust and I know when someone is clean. She was horrified. She asked if I was planning to use a condom with her if something happend, I said I wouldn't be sure I would be able to get / stay hard. Then she said that maybe we could still meet as friends but that she would not want to have sex with me. I offered to get tested before meeting her. She asked me if I would start using condoms in the mean time. I told her that I would not.
Kudos to you there! You have done nothing wrong or to feel bad about. I especially like when she asked if you would start using condoms in the mean time and you said no. I always discuss it when a meets even mentioned so even though it wasn't the best way to find out each others feelings on the subject it's so much better its done now. That could of ended so much worse if on the night. It probably feels a shitter now as yoh think you messed up or lost out. If you never lied about it you didn't mess up and don't think you've lost out due to it as you not lost anything..just not gained anything either. As neither of you brought the subject up if anyone's yo blame its you both. When you did talk you were open and honest. I get from what you said, when asked if you would use one with her you saod not sure about getting/staying hard you were still honest. I only worry about what someone does with me and keeping myself safe so don't question what they done before to much. Of someone does gotta accept mah lot like the answer. If a guy did say something like " not sure I'd keep it hard wearing one " ..Well I'd see about that. Sounds almost a challenge
It’s hard for me to tell if you’re trolling me."
Definitely not trolling you. Not sure why you think I was? |
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and let's have cake and tea. Winston, will you be 'mum'? 
Winston 