FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How to deal with guilt?
How to deal with guilt?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I recently met with a woman who made it clear she was married and asked me if I would be ok with it. When I was asked about it I thought I’d be ok but after meeting I found myself feeling really guilty. Is that normal? Has anyone else been in the same situation? And if so how did you deal with it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah, you just eventually learn to get over it. If it hadn't been you it would be someone else. "
That I would definitely say is true. Not just in this situation either. |
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I'm not sure you have anything to feel guilty about in that scenario, OP. It was her choice; her husband. But if it was not for you, at least you know not to meet married/attached people in future. |
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Unfortunately it's your guilt, there's no way that I or and else can tell you how to get over it.
I can tell you it will be easier over time though.
Chalk it up to experience, don't do it again and learn from it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Look at it as a learning experience. You have discovered that you are not comfortable doing something after trying it. Personally, I think the guilt is misplaced as it wasn't you who cheated on anyone. |
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"Look at it as a learning experience. You have discovered that you are not comfortable doing something after trying it. Personally, I think the guilt is misplaced as it wasn't you who cheated on anyone. "
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"Is this lifestyle really for you? Not everyone can deal with the ‘no strings’ meet ups.
Hopefully you’ll find a way to reconcile how you feel and move on. "
Why do you think the lifestyle wouldnt suit him, or he cant cope with no strings meets just because he felt guilty about meeting a married women whos here without her hubby knowing? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I originally felt I’d be ok with it but found that I felt guilty about her husband. I now know that I wouldn’t meet someone who is married again unless he was aware and consented it. I guess it’s just a learning experience for myself this time round. At the same time at least I know how how I feel morally about this kind of scenario |
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"Is this lifestyle really for you? Not everyone can deal with the ‘no strings’ meet ups.
Hopefully you’ll find a way to reconcile how you feel and move on.
Why do you think the lifestyle wouldnt suit him, or he cant cope with no strings meets just because he felt guilty about meeting a married women whos here without her hubby knowing? "
Why can't she ask that question? It's perfectly relevant.
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"Is this lifestyle really for you? Not everyone can deal with the ‘no strings’ meet ups.
Hopefully you’ll find a way to reconcile how you feel and move on.
Why do you think the lifestyle wouldnt suit him, or he cant cope with no strings meets just because he felt guilty about meeting a married women whos here without her hubby knowing?
Why can't she ask that question? It's perfectly relevant.
"
Where did I they couldn't or wasnt relevant? Just asking why she felt he maybe not suited to the lifestyle or no stings meets as he felt guilty meeting a married woman? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Look at it as a learning experience. You have discovered that you are not comfortable doing something after trying it. Personally, I think the guilt is misplaced as it wasn't you who cheated on anyone. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perhaps I have something broken in me but never had the guilt thing.
I've been married and has affairs/flings with married and single women.
I've been single and did the same.
Been in relationships and...you get the picture.
Am I immoral or just a shit? I don't know because as I said...never had the guilt thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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More than likely something is missing in her marriage that she's looking for on here and you've helped fill the void for her.
It's easy for people to judge where married / taken people playing away are concerned but it's never as simple as it seems. Could be a loveless or sexless relationship where the two are staying together for the sake of their kids etc.
We forget that we're animals at the end of the day. All with urges and desires that we can't simply suppress forever. Sometimes playing away is the only answer to satisfy sexual urges. I've been in a dead bedroom relationship before where nothing would help and it was in my eyes better to play away than try having sex with someone who has zero interest and would be annoyed at the suggestion. |
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"More than likely something is missing in her marriage that she's looking for on here and you've helped fill the void for her.
It's easy for people to judge where married / taken people playing away are concerned but it's never as simple as it seems. Could be a loveless or sexless relationship where the two are staying together for the sake of their kids etc.
We forget that we're animals at the end of the day. All with urges and desires that we can't simply suppress forever. Sometimes playing away is the only answer to satisfy sexual urges. I've been in a dead bedroom relationship before where nothing would help and it was in my eyes better to play away than try having sex with someone who has zero interest and would be annoyed at the suggestion."
Everyone’s different though. He’s obviously not comfortable with it. I meet married men and I’ve never felt guilty. I prefer it. Less hassle and unlikely to be wanting anything else. But each to their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First few times I played away I felt guilty as sin. It passed after I realised that I'm simply someone who needs sexual intimacy and I can't live the rest of my days without it. I beat myself up a lot initially, until I realised that love and sex can come from different places. |
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I have no time for anyone who meets a married person without the wife/husbands consent. There are plenty of other unattatched people out there...it can cause absolute devastation...and i find it incredibly selfish |
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"More than likely something is missing in her marriage that she's looking for on here and you've helped fill the void for her.
It's easy for people to judge where married / taken people playing away are concerned but it's never as simple as it seems. Could be a loveless or sexless relationship where the two are staying together for the sake of their kids etc.
We forget that we're animals at the end of the day. All with urges and desires that we can't simply suppress forever. Sometimes playing away is the only answer to satisfy sexual urges. I've been in a dead bedroom relationship before where nothing would help and it was in my eyes better to play away than try having sex with someone who has zero interest and would be annoyed at the suggestion.
Everyone’s different though. He’s obviously not comfortable with it. I meet married men and I’ve never felt guilty. I prefer it. Less hassle and unlikely to be wanting anything else. But each to their own. "
I hear you there. Met alot of married men. Not something I look for per se, but as said, less hassle and not wanting anything more or needy. I choose not to judge myself by the actions of someone else. |
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"Perhaps I have something broken in me but never had the guilt thing.
I've been married and has affairs/flings with married and single women.
I've been single and did the same.
Been in relationships and...you get the picture.
Am I immoral or just a shit? I don't know because as I said...never had the guilt thing. "
when you say you never had the guilt thing, do you mean relationship wise youve never felt guilty for whatnot..Or you dont feel guilt more in general?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I recently met with a woman who made it clear she was married and asked me if I would be ok with it. When I was asked about it I thought I’d be ok but after meeting I found myself feeling really guilty. Is that normal? Has anyone else been in the same situation? And if so how did you deal with it? "
Her husband might know but they roleplay cheating for kicks. Don't beat yourself up about it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion one can only feel guilty if one has done something to feel guilty about.
Feeling guilty because of something someone else did 'wrong' is a waste of one's brainpower."
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
I dealt with with it head on because like most know what it feels like to be cheated on so cut ties did I feel guilty after yes left me in a awkward position because I've had it done to myself...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You're not the one cheating. If it wasn't you it would be someone else.
I'd suggest meeting single people from now on though.
"
I’d still meet someone if they were in a relationship but not if it was a case of the hubby/bf not knowing and not consenting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didn’t and don’t have guilt.
When I do have guilt about something I talk about it with someone which makes me feel better. If it’s something that makes me feel better but the other person bad I keep this to myself and deal with my own guilt, for its done by myself and mine to carry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps I have something broken in me but never had the guilt thing.
I've been married and has affairs/flings with married and single women.
I've been single and did the same.
Been in relationships and...you get the picture.
Am I immoral or just a shit? I don't know because as I said...never had the guilt thing.
when you say you never had the guilt thing, do you mean relationship wise youve never felt guilty for whatnot..Or you dont feel guilt more in general?
"
Relationship wise, never felt guilt for seeing someone else when I'm with someone or for the other guys those someone's were with.
Does that make sense or am I rambling? |
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"Perhaps I have something broken in me but never had the guilt thing.
I've been married and has affairs/flings with married and single women.
I've been single and did the same.
Been in relationships and...you get the picture.
Am I immoral or just a shit? I don't know because as I said...never had the guilt thing.
when you say you never had the guilt thing, do you mean relationship wise youve never felt guilty for whatnot..Or you dont feel guilt more in general?
Relationship wise, never felt guilt for seeing someone else when I'm with someone or for the other guys those someone's were with.
Does that make sense or am I rambling? "
It makes sense. What if it was the other way round though? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He may be cheating, too. You have no idea. It’s a huge learning curve, isn’t it. I’ve done things I said I’d never do. You may feel differently again, in a years time. It’s alright. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this lifestyle really for you? Not everyone can deal with the ‘no strings’ meet ups.
Hopefully you’ll find a way to reconcile how you feel and move on.
Why do you think the lifestyle wouldnt suit him, or he cant cope with no strings meets just because he felt guilty about meeting a married women whos here without her hubby knowing? "
It's quite funny that you jumped to the conclusion that it was without consent! That wasnt mentioned in the op. It's only been mentioned since  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Well, if you feel guilty it’s because you know you’ve done something you believe is wrong. It’s like if put your hand on the hot plate, it’s meant to hurt ! Do it too often , you lose all feeling in it ! So don't do it again! |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I think that feeling something after meeting someone is normal. Guilt, possibly less so.
OP, sex if it makes you feel bad after isn't worth it. Don't beat yourself up about it, you tried it and it's not for you. You're not odd for feeling guilty.
Sticking to single, single women will probably be for the best.
Hopefully posting this thread has helped you work through those feelings. |
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"Is this lifestyle really for you? Not everyone can deal with the ‘no strings’ meet ups.
Hopefully you’ll find a way to reconcile how you feel and move on.
Why do you think the lifestyle wouldnt suit him, or he cant cope with no strings meets just because he felt guilty about meeting a married women whos here without her hubby knowing?
It's quite funny that you jumped to the conclusion that it was without consent! That wasnt mentioned in the op. It's only been mentioned since "
Then why would he feel guilty if he knew they were in a swing type/open relationship?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps I have something broken in me but never had the guilt thing.
I've been married and has affairs/flings with married and single women.
I've been single and did the same.
Been in relationships and...you get the picture.
Am I immoral or just a shit? I don't know because as I said...never had the guilt thing.
when you say you never had the guilt thing, do you mean relationship wise youve never felt guilty for whatnot..Or you dont feel guilt more in general?
Relationship wise, never felt guilt for seeing someone else when I'm with someone or for the other guys those someone's were with.
Does that make sense or am I rambling?
It makes sense. What if it was the other way round though? "
That's the million dollar question isn't it?
In a swinger scenario I've been with a partner as she's been with another guy. And the idea of a partner being with someone when I'm not there does turn me on.
Not sure if that makes me sound more of a shit because I'm not giving them that opportunity though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont feel any emotions as soon as i feel one emerge i stuff it deep down ignore and overide as for guilt if i dont know them i wouldnt care if i did i might for about 1 second |
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