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What a dickhead!
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You'll like this.
This morning I did my usual work routine. Shower, hair, make up and all that bollocks. Last things I do are iron my uniform, get dressed and brush my teeth.
In the "dressing room" (ha! Spare room with all the laundry and ironing board) I plug the iron in to iron my apron amd shirt.
Ain't walking all the way round the ironing board, fuck that, step over the cord like I do every time innit.
But I didn’t.
The cunting thing went in between my 3rd and 4th toe! I'm flailing my leg whilst falling to try to get free from the now hot iron that's holding me hostage. Cunt falls off the ironing board which releases the tension allowing me to splat on the floor like a falling tree.
Ain't normal wire on an iron is it, so now I've got fucking rope burn between my toes.
And to add insult to injury (literally) I did a 12 hour shift today (just got home) which totalled 9 n half cunting miles walking round n round the sodding restaurant 
What a fucking dickhead 
What totally avoidable injuries have you sustained lately folks? I can't be the only absolute spanner who apparently walks with her toes spread eagled and ready to lock onto all which comes her way! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh PP, this shouldn't have made me laugh but it did.
I probably shouldn't say this but I have avoided injury for some time now. About the most embarrassing thing is dropping my phone on my face
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ouch! Hope you're okay!
I rowed til my legs went numb tonight and then fell over the cunting rowing machine when trying to get off. Scraped my entire leg against the metal, which made the burpees that followed even less fun than normal  |
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Geez hope you’re not in too much pain! I once dropped a frying pan as I was taking it off the hob, did I do the sensible thing and let it fall? Nope I tried to catch the bastard hot oil surface right on palm!
Stung like a bitch for over a week!!! |
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"Would you like me to kiss your toes better, Peach?"
You off yer tits Jethro?
They're like little chipolatas with trenchfoot. I'm scared to take my sock off I can't deny it. Hurts all the way up to my foot bend. Ankle. That's him
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a paper cut. Little finger and I use that one a lot. No plasters so I rushed outside, waved down a passing ambulance. Some lazy bastard was having a lie down in the back so while I was trying to get him out so I could find a waterproof plaster I banged my knee in the trolley. Nightmare. |
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"Oh PP, this shouldn't have made me laugh but it did.
I probably shouldn't say this but I have avoided injury for some time now. About the most embarrassing thing is dropping my phone on my face
Mr"
I'd have pissed myself if I'd have seen it, laughing is fair game!
Cor, the phone face catches ya right off guard doesn't it.
Fingers crossed your first aid kit remains sealed for the foreseeable |
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Nothing to recent but about 3 years ago I stopped down backwards of a plastic stool in my kitchen and straight on to the sharp edge of a plastic pasting table and sliced all the side of my foot open and had to have 8 stitches. |
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"Ouch! Hope you're okay!
I rowed til my legs went numb tonight and then fell over the cunting rowing machine when trying to get off. Scraped my entire leg against the metal, which made the burpees that followed even less fun than normal "
Fuck that on all counts. Ouch |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
Walked into the end of a tree branch in the garden.
I'd bent down, but not quite far enough enough and effectively dragged the pruned end of the branch across my head. There was much swearing when it happened. |
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"Geez hope you’re not in too much pain! I once dropped a frying pan as I was taking it off the hob, did I do the sensible thing and let it fall? Nope I tried to catch the bastard hot oil surface right on palm!
Stung like a bitch for over a week!!!"
Natural bloody reaction ain't it. Your brain is going "nooooooo" but your body goes into autopilot
|
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"My iron related unjuries, usually involve burns from a hot iron. Either reaching over it, or tryibg to grab it as it falls and burn my arm or hand."
Same with me and hair straighteners. Wanker things |
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"I had a paper cut. Little finger and I use that one a lot. No plasters so I rushed outside, waved down a passing ambulance. Some lazy bastard was having a lie down in the back so while I was trying to get him out so I could find a waterproof plaster I banged my knee in the trolley. Nightmare. "
How rude of him.
I hope you sued
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"Nothing to recent but about 3 years ago I stopped down backwards of a plastic stool in my kitchen and straight on to the sharp edge of a plastic pasting table and sliced all the side of my foot open and had to have 8 stitches."
If my foot could have shrunk up inside my body like man balls do, it would have reading that. Fuuuuuuuuck that. |
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"Walked into the end of a tree branch in the garden.
I'd bent down, but not quite far enough enough and effectively dragged the pruned end of the branch across my head. There was much swearing when it happened. "
Man, I do that shit at work but with the backs of chairs. Don't give myself enough clearance and crack, nut the fucker coz I'm focusing on whatever it is I'm bending down to pick up. |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"Walked into the end of a tree branch in the garden.
I'd bent down, but not quite far enough enough and effectively dragged the pruned end of the branch across my head. There was much swearing when it happened.
Man, I do that shit at work but with the backs of chairs. Don't give myself enough clearance and crack, nut the fucker coz I'm focusing on whatever it is I'm bending down to pick up."
I blame the leaves. The branch hid behind them. |
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"Walked into the end of a tree branch in the garden.
I'd bent down, but not quite far enough enough and effectively dragged the pruned end of the branch across my head. There was much swearing when it happened.
Man, I do that shit at work but with the backs of chairs. Don't give myself enough clearance and crack, nut the fucker coz I'm focusing on whatever it is I'm bending down to pick up.
I blame the leaves. The branch hid behind them."
Kill it, kill it with fire
|
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"A bollocks, two fucks and three cunts.
Impressive!"
I think you'll find two were cuntings. Subtle differences 
PP, does injuring myself falling out of my wheelchair while doing something stupid, like descending mega steep hills, count?!  |
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So, let me preface this by saying that I'm not normally accident prone... but in the last 5 days I have smashed my head into a door frame, sliced my finger cleaning up a broken bowl, poured most of a boiling kettle down my leg and today I have opened up my knee on a flight case catch (a sticky outy, hooky shaped but of sharp metal) and its been bleeding everywhere all day 
Like I say though, I'm not normally accident prone...
This isn't counting the bastard horsefly bites either |
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"A bollocks, two fucks and three cunts.
Impressive!
I think you'll find two were cuntings. Subtle differences
PP, does injuring myself falling out of my wheelchair while doing something stupid, like descending mega steep hills, count?! "
Only if you weren't wearing a parachute. *nods convincingly* |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"Walked into the end of a tree branch in the garden.
I'd bent down, but not quite far enough enough and effectively dragged the pruned end of the branch across my head. There was much swearing when it happened.
Man, I do that shit at work but with the backs of chairs. Don't give myself enough clearance and crack, nut the fucker coz I'm focusing on whatever it is I'm bending down to pick up.
I blame the leaves. The branch hid behind them.
Kill it, kill it with fire
"
I would but it's a pear tree and I'll use the pears to make cider.  |
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"So, let me preface this by saying that I'm not normally accident prone... but in the last 5 days I have smashed my head into a door frame, sliced my finger cleaning up a broken bowl, poured most of a boiling kettle down my leg and today I have opened up my knee on a flight case catch (a sticky outy, hooky shaped but of sharp metal) and its been bleeding everywhere all day
Like I say though, I'm not normally accident prone...
This isn't counting the bastard horsefly bites either"
5 days. Yep, that's quite something. Have you considered a carer or whether your inanimate objects have some hocus pocus going on? |
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"A bollocks, two fucks and three cunts.
Impressive!
I think you'll find two were cuntings. Subtle differences
PP, does injuring myself falling out of my wheelchair while doing something stupid, like descending mega steep hills, count?!
Only if you weren't wearing a parachute. *nods convincingly*"
I'd left my parachute in the wash pile  |
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"A bollocks, two fucks and three cunts.
Impressive!
I think you'll find two were cuntings. Subtle differences
PP, does injuring myself falling out of my wheelchair while doing something stupid, like descending mega steep hills, count?!
Only if you weren't wearing a parachute. *nods convincingly*
I'd left my parachute in the wash pile "
What a fucking dickhead!  |
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I had an engine hanging on a chain in the garage. Something pissed me off and I went storming into the garage straight into that engine with my forehead.
Of course that skins thin and it split bleeding like attilia the cunt.
I come out I'm staggering around talking shit and everyone thinks of been bloody attacked. Wasn't til about ten minutes later the bells stopped ringing as able to tell them.
Laughed so hard the uncaring bastards, they made my sore head even more painful. |
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"I had an engine hanging on a chain in the garage. Something pissed me off and I went storming into the garage straight into that engine with my forehead.
Of course that skins thin and it split bleeding like attilia the cunt.
I come out I'm staggering around talking shit and everyone thinks of been bloody attacked. Wasn't til about ten minutes later the bells stopped ringing as able to tell them.
Laughed so hard the uncaring bastards, they made my sore head even more painful. "
Ooooft that's a corker.
Although all I can hear in my ears imagination is the engine giving it "See you Jimmy" before it nutted ya.
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"I have removed my sock to peep at the black n blue trotter on the roof of my foot. Yes I'm calling it the roof.
It's not black n blue at all. I feel robbed. "
Put some black and blue makeup on it and pretend. |
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"I have removed my sock to peep at the black n blue trotter on the roof of my foot. Yes I'm calling it the roof.
It's not black n blue at all. I feel robbed.
Put some black and blue makeup on it and pretend. "
I'm no Amber Heard wannabe! Pffffft. I'll have to settle for the swelling and just not wash it. That way it'll go green one way or another, either mould or bruisey. |
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"Geez hope you’re not in too much pain! I once dropped a frying pan as I was taking it off the hob, did I do the sensible thing and let it fall? Nope I tried to catch the bastard hot oil surface right on palm!
Stung like a bitch for over a week!!!
Natural bloody reaction ain't it. Your brain is going "nooooooo" but your body goes into autopilot
"
Totally auto response my body is Fucking stupid at times that’s not even close to the worst things I’ve done total bloody klutz n getting worse!!
Most of my scars are from sheer bloody idiocy inc a dented skull - I shit not |
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I’d say the usual stubbed toe but the most recent one, I was bollock naked heading to the shower and was left on my back gripping my foot with my own testicles a little too close to my face thinking “if this is how I go I feel sorry for the paramedics” |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I’ve managed to remove the skin from the end of my big toe. Walking back to our room at Chams on Monday night I tripped up a step and deftly skinned myself leaving a trail of my DNA everywhere.
I guess it makes a change from the usual head injuries |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was trying to help a friend out, by lending them my jump leads, only the jump leads were caught on my bike on a wall hanger. Released the jump leads, but also released the bike......straight down onto my wrist. Bloody painful and couldn't swear because 9 year old was 'helping' me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I stripped the outer layer from some electrical carline with a kitchen knife. I also stripped the outer layer of skin from my finger. Was definitely worth not losing the time and money to find the cable stripper tho...
|
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"
What totally avoidable injuries have you sustained lately folks? I can't be the only absolute spanner who apparently walks with her toes spread eagled and ready to lock onto all which comes her way!"
Many of my most stupid were years ago, but the one most similar to yours was when i got out of the shower as a kid, started getting dried off and dropped my towel- without thinking i bent down to pick it back up...totally forgetting about the red hot towel rail behind me, perfectly positioned to wrap either ass cheek round the shiny chrome upright furnace. It all happened in an instant but the pain from the burn lasted a hell of a lot longer |
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In the days I had child gates I decided to be lazy and climb over it instead of just opening it. Well big mistake that was as I go to put my first leg over I catch it on the gate and lose my balance. The whole gate moves and I fall forward and smash my face into a metal bed frame. |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"Geez hope you’re not in too much pain! I once dropped a frying pan as I was taking it off the hob, did I do the sensible thing and let it fall? Nope I tried to catch the bastard hot oil surface right on palm!
Stung like a bitch for over a week!!!"
I do this a lot as well. I took something straight out of the oven the other week with my hands... That was something...
C |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"Walked into the end of a tree branch in the garden.
I'd bent down, but not quite far enough enough and effectively dragged the pruned end of the branch across my head. There was much swearing when it happened.
Man, I do that shit at work but with the backs of chairs. Don't give myself enough clearance and crack, nut the fucker coz I'm focusing on whatever it is I'm bending down to pick up.
I blame the leaves. The branch hid behind them.
Kill it, kill it with fire
"
I noticed today that I have a lovely scratch above my left temple - almost looks like I've had brain surgery  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had a go at chopping my left hands thumb off with a rather sharp mini axe whilst creating kindling. I'd have been a bit more accepting of my fate had it been one of the numerous times I've been under the influence whilst wielding a sharp and heavy implement but no - stoney and cold sober.
The claret art was quite impressive - who knew that skin was so good at keeping blood in? |
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