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Female opinion (male welcome too)
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By *cottt27 OP Man
over a year ago
Bothwell |
What’s the best way to raise the topic of swinging or at least experimentation with others, with a new partner?
I’d love my next relationship to be more adventurous, with someone open to it, but mentioned it to my last gf and she looked at me like I had crapped in her handbag.
Advice?
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People are either open to considering the idea or they're not. Some people won't be open to it until years into a relationship though. There's not a special way to mention it that won't cause offence to someone who finds it objectionable so you're probably best just saying how you'd like your relationship to be and save yourself and your prospective partner time.
I know that sounds pretty harsh but I think it's a good thing to start as you mean to go on. |
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I think the best thing to do is do a lot of swinging by yourself behind her back, to make sure you like it. Then hopefully she’ll catch you and be onboard with it. Might be a nice surprise for her |
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Patience and trust.
Maybe find a film to watch that has an element of swinging/swapping in it, use this as an ice breaker to discuss the subject.
Patience will be needed as some take a long time to accept it.
But understanding that some may never want to.
Then you have to decide what is most important.
Your relationship or solo swinging?
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I think it depends on the individual too. I am extremely slow on the uptake when people hint. I'd much rather meet a prospective partner somewhere comfortable, share a glass or two and some food and explain to each other exactly what we were hoping for in a relationship. No guessing, no assuming just straightforward saying what you want. Everything from do you want to live in a house or a flat to would you be happy swinging and all the stuff in between. But we don't do that. We allow ourselves to become emotionally invested in a person before we see if there's more than superficial common ground. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I'd be honest about it right from the start. If it's what you really want then make it known that's what you're looking for. When I was single and looking to meet people/ date, I made it known from the off that I was ENM. Helps as a filter.
Pxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Patience and trust.
Maybe find a film to watch that has an element of swinging/swapping in it, use this as an ice breaker to discuss the subject.
Patience will be needed as some take a long time to accept it.
But understanding that some may never want to.
Then you have to decide what is most important.
Your relationship or solo swinging?
"
This 
Claire |
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"What’s the best way to raise the topic of swinging or at least experimentation with others, with a new partner?
I’d love my next relationship to be more adventurous, with someone open to it, but mentioned it to my last gf and she looked at me like I had crapped in her handbag.
Advice?
"
Mr here. With everyone I’ve ever dated for more than a couple of months, we’ve had the “What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done?” sex conversation. Mine is ALWAYS dirtier than theirs 
I’ve always been honest about my times swinging with previous partners. Some women I’ve dated have gone “Oh hell no! I’m not fucking doing that! You can forget it!” (Even when I hadn’t actually asked!  )
Others, however, have been… let’s say more receptive 
At the end of the day, just be honest about what you’re into. That way you’re both not wasting time with someone who isn’t sexually compatible. |
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Maybe look in places where this lifestyle is generally more accepted, like here, Feeld etc etc. rather than the more vanilla dating sites.
The mindset can be quite different for singles as it is for couples, so it doesn't necessarily ring true that someone would want this if they found their ideal partner in you. It just means they'd have more of an understanding and awareness of what you desire.
Good luck
C x |
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I think you done the right thing last time
Some will be open to the idea others not
My husband and I spoke about last sexual experiences on our first date which for me included threesomes & lots of one nighters and for him included some swinging with his ex and orgies with friends and their partners
Each of us could easily have scared the other off but fortunately we didn't, I think the earlier you have the chat the better if it's important to you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've tried to with several partners over the years. The conversation usually starts after watching something on TV involving threesome or foursome etc. I'm careful (now) of any 'traps', where they get me to open up first only to be meet with derision. Two of them actually dumped me, because I had brought the subject up. Those of you who have partners who are open to this, should count yourselves extremely lucky that you have found them (obviously this is based on my own personal experiences) |
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Maybes ease in gently. Depending on the type of situation you want, drop a few things into conversation like ‘I love how much attention you get when we’re out together, knowing that they want you’ ‘it really turns me on seeing other men looking at you’ ‘What really turns you on? My fantasy is xyz’ and see what they say.
I think it’s important to give reassurance that it’s not about seeking something that they can’t give, but more just an added sexy element to your relationship, and could be fun for you both. Good luck! |
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If you are talking about new partners I disagree with the idea you should be all that gentle with it. Depending on how important being a swinger is to you.
If it's a passing fancy, something you might like but you aren't certain or steadfast then yeah, your position is soft so the discussion is soft.
But if you know you want a swinging relationship, and you go into a new dating situation with that idea in mind, bring it up directly, honestly and without apology.
Either she will be 100% into it, and you have yourself the best case scenario
Or 0% into it, in which case you know she isn't for you at this time and you part as friends.
Or somewhere in between in which case you have a discussion to explore what might be barriers for her, limits she may wish to impose etc.
For me and L, I think it was the third date. Granted we had been fucking since the first. I was clear that I have a chequered past with being faithful, and that I have found that I can be honest, or monogamous but not both. I said it in full expectations that she probably wouldn't be into it, that this may be a non-starter and she would stop seeing me. That didn't matter because I raised it early enough for us to walk away without hurt feelings.
As it was, she was in the "in between" camp at probably 80% intrigued, 20% concerned. And she respected the honesty and introspection that I wasn't going to bullshit her about myself. And that led to long discussions about what she wanted, what I wanted, what safeguards and comforts could be put in place, and the benefits that it would also bring.
Just my two cents. |
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