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Any office politic savy people ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok, firstly my background isn't in office work and getting on eith others in the office. I was in lorry driving snd warehouse work but due to age andvold injuries , now in the office.
Everything is ok except for a trsinee manager in her twenties.
In a nutshell she usually talks to mevin w condecending manner, mixed with fledgling phrases learnt from her manegerial course., Luckily shes not directly involved in my work.
Ive bee there 6 months and caught her standing and staring at me intensly, and not in a good way .
I know she's had a had an abusive childhood from comments ive heard from her so possibly leeching into her adulthod.
I don't take her attitude towards me as personal, though find it hard to acknowledge her ehen starting work invrhe morning...
Not wanting to escalate things furthrr i Keep out of her way eith minimal comtact snd dont want to mention anything to my own supervisor..
Is thst the best move on my part so far? Any officevpolitic ssvvy people hwve any thoughts?
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
No the best move is talk to her , understand the issue and resolve it.
But it’s going to be really hard, takes a lot of courage and strategic thinking & sounds like you are both too insecure and in defensive mode for it to work.
Maybe just try being nice to her instead and see if she changes, make her a coffee and ask her if she’s okay. Or just ignore it, if she’s really trouble, even offices have the odd cunt , you don’t have to like everyone, but don’t make things worse whatever you do |
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By *omRachCouple
over a year ago
Wirral |
For me personally I would be addressing it head on, I would ask for a one to one with the individual and during that one to one I would raise the matter, I would give examples of her intimidatory manner (even throw in dates and times if you have any) and tell her that it is affecting your work performance and also more importantly your mental wellbeing.
I would be asking what the problem is and how it can be resolved and that if it isn't resolved you will be raising a grievances in line with the company policy and complaints procedure. You'll probably find that their arse will fall out of their trousers at that point.
Workplace bullying and intimidation is abhorrent and no one should be accepting it in the 21st century.
Good Luck OP, I am an ex union rep so feel free to message me privately if I can help further. |
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By *telksyMan
over a year ago
London |
Every one that has to deal with a superior should know mirroring.
https://youtu.be/wIBc2T2RKSA
In terms of stares from the person just call it out by acknowledging the state, ie. Is there anything you want help with, or do you need me for something.
Non confrontational and acknowledging their position but leaving you in control of the situation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Firstly, when you work in an office environment or any, there will be people you don't like or get on with. It's the way you handle things that matter.
You can't call someone out on a personality trait unless it directly effects you. You are within your rights to address something that makes you uncomfortable or if you feel someone is talking to you inappropriately. Always have this conversation one to one and don't bitch to others in the office.
In terms of childhood experiences, that's not an excuse to treat people badly so it's kind of irrelevant in this situation. At work pick your battles.. let the small things go and address the big things. |
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By *JstarsoloWoman
over a year ago
Wombwell, Barnsley |
I think you should be polite and professional, say good morning, good afternoon, have a nice lunch or whatever.
In my experience avoidance is not the answer, but neither is confrontation. And her background has nothing to do with being respectful and courteous to people.
Maybe it's just a case of getting to know the office politics a little better. After all, I would expect she is just trying to do her job as you're trying to do yours.
You may be reading too much into it, but it makes you feel uncomfortable, try to open up the conversation about what worries you. |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"Ok, firstly my background isn't in office work and getting on eith others in the office. I was in lorry driving snd warehouse work but due to age andvold injuries , now in the office.
Everything is ok except for a trsinee manager in her twenties.
In a nutshell she usually talks to mevin w condecending manner, mixed with fledgling phrases learnt from her manegerial course., Luckily shes not directly involved in my work.
Ive bee there 6 months and caught her standing and staring at me intensly, and not in a good way .
I know she's had a had an abusive childhood from comments ive heard from her so possibly leeching into her adulthod.
I don't take her attitude towards me as personal, though find it hard to acknowledge her ehen starting work invrhe morning...
Not wanting to escalate things furthrr i Keep out of her way eith minimal comtact snd dont want to mention anything to my own supervisor..
Is thst the best move on my part so far? Any officevpolitic ssvvy people hwve any thoughts?
"
. You mention you have been there 6 months now.If you feel you are been picked on why not speak to your manager or a manager you get on with and get a sort of 2nd opinion if it continues then perhaps speak to your manager requesting a mediation meeting before getting unions involved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d ask her first of all, and see if she changes. She may not realise she does it.
But if that doesn’t work then the best move is to document everything she says that’s negative/condescending/bitchy and also make a note of the context around it.
Also note down the things she says about her abusive childhood. As unfortunate as her background is, she really shouldn’t be talking about those kinds of things in work and letting it impact her in the office, or using it as a way to control staff.
Then when you’ve documented enough then you take it to a senior leader or HR. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she isn't directly involved with you or isn't one of your managers then I wouldn't worry, be polite and courteous but that's it. Maybe when she stares again just ask her "are you ok? You look like you're miles away" try to get to know her, some people can be prickly when there are new faces at work |
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My advice would be to stay as detached as possible and act in a professional manner at all times. Be careful what you say, and even more careful what you write. Keep a diary of any incidents that cross the line. |
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Hi op. If I remember correctly you work in a challenging environment with quite a few problems like this.
I worked in offices for the best part of forty years. I found that the best way to deal with any situation like this is to be polite to the person, avoid them as far as possible, don't listen to gossip about them (God knows why people are saying she had an abusive childhood, how do they even know?) and if you believe them to be acting inappropriately raise it with your superior with collaborating evidence. Did she stare at you more than once?
Bear in mind too that she's young, finding her feet and using phrases learned from her management course isn't a bad thing to do. I mean this in a friendly way but maybe check your attitude towards her too.
Good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi op. If I remember correctly you work in a challenging environment with quite a few problems like this.
I worked in offices for the best part of forty years. I found that the best way to deal with any situation like this is to be polite to the person, avoid them as far as possible, don't listen to gossip about them (God knows why people are saying she had an abusive childhood, how do they even know?) and if you believe them to be acting inappropriately raise it with your superior with collaborating evidence. Did she stare at you more than once?
Bear in mind too that she's young, finding her feet and using phrases learned from her management course isn't a bad thing to do. I mean this in a friendly way but maybe check your attitude towards her too.
Good luck "
One manager is arshole but can deal with him easy!
I was just thinking if shes got hidden mental health issues.
She openly told people about her childhood.
I haven't talked to anyone about it and never gossip.
I don't take her remarks personally,i just thought there's more to it when she's stood still and stared in a shock/horrified manner towards me as if she's trying to analyse me, is a bit weird.
I'll just leave it alone as i think i could make things worse and see how things go.
If I've noticed her behaviour then so will other people i think
Thanks for the advice everyone
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What kind of remarks is she making? "
One example..
mail came in and she wrote ”drainer" on the envelope. I asked what it meant and she shouted "drainer!!" in a sarcastic tone like a child would do. One of the lads in the office interupted and explained it was for the manager eho hired a gulley sucker lorry to clear a car park drain.
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"What kind of remarks is she making?
One example..
mail came in and she wrote ”drainer" on the envelope. I asked what it meant and she shouted "drainer!!" in a sarcastic tone like a child would do. One of the lads in the office interupted and explained it was for the manager eho hired a gulley sucker lorry to clear a car park drain.
"
That sounds to me as if she needs someone to have a word with her about the way she speaks to people. |
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"What kind of remarks is she making?
One example..
mail came in and she wrote ”drainer" on the envelope. I asked what it meant and she shouted "drainer!!" in a sarcastic tone like a child would do. One of the lads in the office interupted and explained it was for the manager eho hired a gulley sucker lorry to clear a car park drain.
That sounds to me as if she needs someone to have a word with her about the way she speaks to people. "
My reply would of been along the lines of child don’t speak to me that way and then told her a gulley sucker is not a drainer.   |
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Op this isn't really office politics. From what you've told us and without knowing the full story I'd say it's a case of a young person trying to assert her superior position but getting it badly wrong. That's poor management by her seniors and her lack of experience (being kind). The sooner she's made aware the easier her life and yours will be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What kind of remarks is she making?
One example..
mail came in and she wrote ”drainer" on the envelope. I asked what it meant and she shouted "drainer!!" in a sarcastic tone like a child would do. One of the lads in the office interupted and explained it was for the manager eho hired a gulley sucker lorry to clear a car park drain.
"
Seems like she has a lot to learn about management, including how to speak to people. Next time she does that call it out, be polite but assertive, don't lower yourself to her level.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What kind of remarks is she making?
One example..
mail came in and she wrote ”drainer" on the envelope. I asked what it meant and she shouted "drainer!!" in a sarcastic tone like a child would do. One of the lads in the office interupted and explained it was for the manager eho hired a gulley sucker lorry to clear a car park drain.
Seems like she has a lot to learn about management, including how to speak to people. Next time she does that call it out, be polite but assertive, don't lower yourself to her level.
"
thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've worked with management like that. At first I thought it was strange but he was really (really )enthusiastic about his work . Not many people understand the work I do as a result more disposal income for popcorn and cake |
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By *iss.ddWoman
over a year ago
Leeds + Newcastle |
"
Bear in mind too that she's young, finding her feet and using phrases learned from her management course isn't a bad thing to do. I mean this in a friendly way but maybe check your attitude towards her too.
Good luck "
This is what I came here to say.
Is the root issue that she's considerably younger than you, starting her career and is "above" you on the pecking chart?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Bear in mind too that she's young, finding her feet and using phrases learned from her management course isn't a bad thing to do. I mean this in a friendly way but maybe check your attitude towards her too.
Good luck
This is what I came here to say.
Is the root issue that she's considerably younger than you, starting her career and is "above" you on the pecking chart?
"
No i don't think so, i don't take how dhe talks to me personally, its just the way she is and take people s i find them.
Its the staring at me that's a bit weird/un nerving, her face even goes pale. Eyebrows down, mouth closed and fixed piercing on me standing perfectly still for 3 or 4 seconds from the corner of my eye then looks and walks away when i look at her.
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