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Oh how badly our parents fuck us up
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"When you keep criticising your kids they don't stop loving you..... they stop loving themselves. " So true! OP you are an intelligent and lovely woman. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend. | |||
"Remember being really young and my dad telling me and my sisters how expensive we are and how much he wished he hadn’t had us so he could afford nice stuff. Not in a mean way either, just very matter of fact And they’re shocked when I say I don’t think I ever want kids " Yep. I remember feeling a burden because of my "cost" | |||
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NBVN x | |||
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Thankfully, I realised that she was wrong & just overly bloody fussy !! | |||
"I can 100% relate to this… My parents rarely did positive praise.. and on the odd occasion they did it was always followed up with a negative.. Got a b on a test.. always just imagine what you could have got if you tried harder. You look totally amazing New job… great.. followed up by don’t fuck it up etc… Never said they loved me or that I looked great but happy to comment if I’d put on weight! The need to please and get approval has been a huge thing in my adult life. However I have slowly learnt to celebrate myself and my achievements.. and I try not to let them get to me. I have made a concerted effort to parent v differently and v much in a positive way and my god when they try that shit on with my kids they get a mouthful from me & they are starting to listen!" | |||
My dad doesn’t engage his brain before he speaks. Few weeks back he told me I’d put on weight. Always great to be told 
Mum said something to him and he said well she has!
Ended up in tears on the way home | |||
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"When you keep criticising your kids they don't stop loving you..... they stop loving themselves. " This is so true and so, so sad. | |||
"An unsupportive parent is an unfit parent not worthy of the title. Timber: from everything I have seen in the forums you are amazing, this prolly wont sink in from me, but hopefully it will collect with other snowdrops and eventually cause that avalanche 3" Thank you | |||
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"With some of the comments just from people on here I'm not surprised overweight people have issues. I don't give a fuck myself; I've been slim, average, curvy, voluptuous, overweight and now obese, and I don't care what people think of me. Wear what makes you comfortable and pretend there's no one else in the gym. You need to develop an "I'm better than anyone who judges me for my weight" attitude. " The thing is I know no one at my gym judges me. At my old gym they did (I heard some people comment) but this place is so supportive and great and everyone treats me as one of the pack. They never even assume I won't be able to do a certain exercise unless I specifically ask them to scale down. It's my own head that's been warped into thinking it's not okay. | |||
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"OP there's so much I can relate to in what you have shared. I almost wrote a long account about my own upbringing but I hope you don't mind that I deleted it all because I didn't want to relive those memories. Instead I wanted to let you know that I understand...I truly understand. So next time you go training wear whichever top you want to wear, your curves are there and it's your body to own. But next time smile for yourself as much as you do for others
NBVN x"Thank you so much, honestly I just appreciate that you took the time to post anything xx | |||
"With some of the comments just from people on here I'm not surprised overweight people have issues. I don't give a fuck myself; I've been slim, average, curvy, voluptuous, overweight and now obese, and I don't care what people think of me. Wear what makes you comfortable and pretend there's no one else in the gym. You need to develop an "I'm better than anyone who judges me for my weight" attitude. The thing is I know no one at my gym judges me. At my old gym they did (I heard some people comment) but this place is so supportive and great and everyone treats me as one of the pack. They never even assume I won't be able to do a certain exercise unless I specifically ask them to scale down. It's my own head that's been warped into thinking it's not okay. " That is the thing, our anxieties are not rational. I have found accepting that is a good step towards fighting them! | |||
"After my last training session I made a mental note to myself that I should start wearing smaller tops. My baggy t-shirt kept getting caught under the seat of the rower so I felt it was time to put aesthetics aside in favour of safety. Tonight I chose a smaller top, one that I would usually wear with jeans when I'm not doing lifts and exercises that require lifting my arms so there's no danger of riding up and exposing my belly. I didn't even make it out of my room before going back to my old top, and comfort. Then I got to thinking that that's actually really sad. It's not as if people don't know I'm fat. Like, they have eyes. I'm there to try and fix that problem. I see plenty of other ladies there who wear clothing that sits tight on their beautiful curves, and I've never given that a second thought so why do I feel like people will for me? Then I started thinking back to my childhood on my drive over. Countless times of trying to leave the house in clothes that my mother berated me for until I changed. Not because they were too revealing on the legs or bosom. Because you could see my fat. The outlines of my rolls. My gross thighs. If I had skinny thighs and a flat stomach she would have had no problem with me going out in a bra and a miniskirt, I swear. My response? Eating a fucking multipack of KitKats alone in my room. Then as an adult, being told no one would ever want me by my parents (to be fair, they were right). Still being bodyshamed on my clothing choices, and being made fun of "not caring about their opinions", as if I'm just a stubborn little kid. But I do care. Which is why I hide my body away. If I truly didn't care, I would wear what I've actually always wanted to wear. I wouldn't burst into tears in my birthday dress because my mum gasped and shook her head when she saw my knees. Even today, when modeling a new pair of heels for her, her first comment was "ooh they're so nice, they make your feet look way slimmer". As if that's the only thing that should matter. And the sickest part is I'm still asking for her opinion. Still trying to get the approval that I will probably never get. And I'll most likely never give up, even if it means I might get stuck in a rowing machine. PSA: Be nice to your kids. " This reminds me of my favourite Poem by Philip Larkin. This be the Verse They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself | |||
"When you keep criticising your kids they don't stop loving you..... they stop loving themselves. " This is very true and the reason why I stayed in a very bad relationship. I didn't want to admit that things were bad as didn't want to cause them further disappointment. | |||
If you are sharing your own experience: I also see you, and I hope talking about it helps you in some way | |||
"After my last training session I made a mental note to myself that I should start wearing smaller tops. My baggy t-shirt kept getting caught under the seat of the rower so I felt it was time to put aesthetics aside in favour of safety. Tonight I chose a smaller top, one that I would usually wear with jeans when I'm not doing lifts and exercises that require lifting my arms so there's no danger of riding up and exposing my belly. I didn't even make it out of my room before going back to my old top, and comfort. Then I got to thinking that that's actually really sad. It's not as if people don't know I'm fat. Like, they have eyes. I'm there to try and fix that problem. I see plenty of other ladies there who wear clothing that sits tight on their beautiful curves, and I've never given that a second thought so why do I feel like people will for me? Then I started thinking back to my childhood on my drive over. Countless times of trying to leave the house in clothes that my mother berated me for until I changed. Not because they were too revealing on the legs or bosom. Because you could see my fat. The outlines of my rolls. My gross thighs. If I had skinny thighs and a flat stomach she would have had no problem with me going out in a bra and a miniskirt, I swear. My response? Eating a fucking multipack of KitKats alone in my room. Then as an adult, being told no one would ever want me by my parents (to be fair, they were right). Still being bodyshamed on my clothing choices, and being made fun of "not caring about their opinions", as if I'm just a stubborn little kid. But I do care. Which is why I hide my body away. If I truly didn't care, I would wear what I've actually always wanted to wear. I wouldn't burst into tears in my birthday dress because my mum gasped and shook her head when she saw my knees. Even today, when modeling a new pair of heels for her, her first comment was "ooh they're so nice, they make your feet look way slimmer". As if that's the only thing that should matter. And the sickest part is I'm still asking for her opinion. Still trying to get the approval that I will probably never get. And I'll most likely never give up, even if it means I might get stuck in a rowing machine. PSA: Be nice to your kids. This reminds me of my favourite Poem by Philip Larkin. This be the Verse They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself" Ohh that's what the poster above meant lol Great poem  | |||
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"I can 100% relate to this… My parents rarely did positive praise.. and on the odd occasion they did it was always followed up with a negative.. Got a b on a test.. always just imagine what you could have got if you tried harder. New job… great.. followed up by don’t fuck it up etc… Never said they loved me or that I looked great but happy to comment if I’d put on weight! The need to please and get approval has been a huge thing in my adult life. However I have slowly learnt to celebrate myself and my achievements.. and I try not to let them get to me. I have made a concerted effort to parent v differently and v much in a positive way and my god when they try that shit on with my kids they get a mouthful from me & they are starting to listen!" I have sat and listened to my mother rank my nieces - her granddaughters, aged 1 to 4 - in order of looks. Sadly I've learned that no amount of mouthfuls will ever make her realise that's not okay. Whenever I have blown up at her before she acts contrite for a few days and then it's back to usual | |||
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"After my last training session I made a mental note to myself that I should start wearing smaller tops. My baggy t-shirt kept getting caught under the seat of the rower so I felt it was time to put aesthetics aside in favour of safety. Tonight I chose a smaller top, one that I would usually wear with jeans when I'm not doing lifts and exercises that require lifting my arms so there's no danger of riding up and exposing my belly. I didn't even make it out of my room before going back to my old top, and comfort. Then I got to thinking that that's actually really sad. It's not as if people don't know I'm fat. Like, they have eyes. I'm there to try and fix that problem. I see plenty of other ladies there who wear clothing that sits tight on their beautiful curves, and I've never given that a second thought so why do I feel like people will for me? Then I started thinking back to my childhood on my drive over. Countless times of trying to leave the house in clothes that my mother berated me for until I changed. Not because they were too revealing on the legs or bosom. Because you could see my fat. The outlines of my rolls. My gross thighs. If I had skinny thighs and a flat stomach she would have had no problem with me going out in a bra and a miniskirt, I swear. My response? Eating a fucking multipack of KitKats alone in my room. Then as an adult, being told no one would ever want me by my parents (to be fair, they were right). Still being bodyshamed on my clothing choices, and being made fun of "not caring about their opinions", as if I'm just a stubborn little kid. But I do care. Which is why I hide my body away. If I truly didn't care, I would wear what I've actually always wanted to wear. I wouldn't burst into tears in my birthday dress because my mum gasped and shook her head when she saw my knees. Even today, when modeling a new pair of heels for her, her first comment was "ooh they're so nice, they make your feet look way slimmer". As if that's the only thing that should matter. And the sickest part is I'm still asking for her opinion. Still trying to get the approval that I will probably never get. And I'll most likely never give up, even if it means I might get stuck in a rowing machine. PSA: Be nice to your kids. This reminds me of my favourite Poem by Philip Larkin. This be the Verse They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself Ohh that's what the poster above meant lol Great poem "Be you, that's it
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"I can 100% relate to this… My parents rarely did positive praise.. and on the odd occasion they did it was always followed up with a negative.. Got a b on a test.. always just imagine what you could have got if you tried harder. New job… great.. followed up by don’t fuck it up etc… Never said they loved me or that I looked great but happy to comment if I’d put on weight! The need to please and get approval has been a huge thing in my adult life. However I have slowly learnt to celebrate myself and my achievements.. and I try not to let them get to me. I have made a concerted effort to parent v differently and v much in a positive way and my god when they try that shit on with my kids they get a mouthful from me & they are starting to listen! I have sat and listened to my mother rank my nieces - her granddaughters, aged 1 to 4 - in order of looks. Sadly I've learned that no amount of mouthfuls will ever make her realise that's not okay. Whenever I have blown up at her before she acts contrite for a few days and then it's back to usual "Oh god.. ranking grandchildren! But sadly some people don’t learn. I still have my issues & have learnt to talk frankly with my parents now… not always easy and they don’t always listen but I do think I’m chipping away at them. But they still deflect & do the can’t understand why you are still talking about this stuff, we can’t change the past etc just deal with it! But they are of the post war generation life’s not fair get over it philosophy. Btw op you look fantastic.. curves in all the right places.. celebrate you & who you are! | |||
"And the sickest part is I'm still asking for her opinion. Still trying to get the approval that I will probably never get. And I'll most likely never give up, even if it means I might get stuck in a rowing machine. PSA: Be nice to your kids. " Recognising this is your first step to letting go of that hope of approval from your mum. Your next step is to begin to approve of yourself. That is something, in time you can truly achieve. | |||
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But I reiterate moving out was the best choice I made. | |||
"I got told I was a mistake. When my dad thought he was going to die, he begged me to give my mum a grandchild. When I told them I was pregnant I was told I was a "silly girl" and asked what I was going to do about "this baby". I'm very careful about what I say to my son, because these things stay with us. " My Mum told me that when I was a baby she was pushing me on a swing one day (pregnant with my bro) and that her & my Dad had a discussion that they wouldn’t let us kids rule their lives! Numerous intercontinental moves for my Dads job at awful times for me proved they stuck to their word. The irony was when I was in a v very unhappy marriage my parents told me I had to stay in it & put the kids first!  | |||
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"Cue Philip Larkin .........." Larkin actually worked as a librarian at Queen's University in Belfast, in the 1960s I think, and there is a plaque on the former library; without any reference to his perceptive poem, of course! | |||
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP | |||
"My mum always introduced me and my sister as "this is the pretty one" (my sister) and "this is the clever one" (me). Spent my whole life with her fixated on my weight by telling me how much weight she had lost or what size clothes she's in now. Basically I'm the fat ugly one of the family but luckily, I'm clever.
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP"Lady! You have the most perfect hour glass figure.. your waist to delightful ass ratio is insane! Stop turning down those fit guys they would be lucky to have you! You’re gorgeous you just need to believe in you! | |||
"My mum always introduced me and my sister as "this is the pretty one" (my sister) and "this is the clever one" (me). Spent my whole life with her fixated on my weight by telling me how much weight she had lost or what size clothes she's in now. Basically I'm the fat ugly one of the family but luckily, I'm clever.
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP
Lady! You have the most perfect hour glass figure.. your waist to delightful ass ratio is insane! Stop turning down those fit guys they would be lucky to have you! You’re gorgeous you just need to believe in you!"Thank you x | |||
"My mum always introduced me and my sister as "this is the pretty one" (my sister) and "this is the clever one" (me). Spent my whole life with her fixated on my weight by telling me how much weight she had lost or what size clothes she's in now. Basically I'm the fat ugly one of the family but luckily, I'm clever.
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP
Lady! You have the most perfect hour glass figure.. your waist to delightful ass ratio is insane! Stop turning down those fit guys they would be lucky to have you! You’re gorgeous you just need to believe in you!
Thank you x"you are gorgeous just wow | |||
"After my last training session I made a mental note to myself that I should start wearing smaller tops. My baggy t-shirt kept getting caught under the seat of the rower so I felt it was time to put aesthetics aside in favour of safety. Tonight I chose a smaller top, one that I would usually wear with jeans when I'm not doing lifts and exercises that require lifting my arms so there's no danger of riding up and exposing my belly. I didn't even make it out of my room before going back to my old top, and comfort. Then I got to thinking that that's actually really sad. It's not as if people don't know I'm fat. Like, they have eyes. I'm there to try and fix that problem. I see plenty of other ladies there who wear clothing that sits tight on their beautiful curves, and I've never given that a second thought so why do I feel like people will for me? Then I started thinking back to my childhood on my drive over. Countless times of trying to leave the house in clothes that my mother berated me for until I changed. Not because they were too revealing on the legs or bosom. Because you could see my fat. The outlines of my rolls. My gross thighs. If I had skinny thighs and a flat stomach she would have had no problem with me going out in a bra and a miniskirt, I swear. My response? Eating a fucking multipack of KitKats alone in my room. Then as an adult, being told no one would ever want me by my parents (to be fair, they were right). Still being bodyshamed on my clothing choices, and being made fun of "not caring about their opinions", as if I'm just a stubborn little kid. But I do care. Which is why I hide my body away. If I truly didn't care, I would wear what I've actually always wanted to wear. I wouldn't burst into tears in my birthday dress because my mum gasped and shook her head when she saw my knees. Even today, when modeling a new pair of heels for her, her first comment was "ooh they're so nice, they make your feet look way slimmer". As if that's the only thing that should matter. And the sickest part is I'm still asking for her opinion. Still trying to get the approval that I will probably never get. And I'll most likely never give up, even if it means I might get stuck in a rowing machine. PSA: Be nice to your kids. " Firstly I’d like to commend you for your bravery and honesty to share your story in such a manner and on this platform, that takes a lot of courage. This will resonate with so many people for so many different reasons, and I can relate to the fact that our parents don’t always know best from their own limited knowledge. Not just that but as I reflect on my own parenting skills I realise that I fall short at times too. I think the fact that you’ve acknowledged this about your life is testament to your character and can give you a platform to make the necessary changes you need. | |||
"This made me so sad to read. Not sure what to say. There’s probably nothing I can say. I hope you overcome these feelings. " ditto Best wishes to OP - try pay no attention to negative comments (they are but mere words of no importance), you are in charge of your feelings...! | |||
"Hopefully you all know this is not my usual brand... I like to post lighthearted jokey-but-relatable threads, and I try to keep them inclusive and reply to every comment for as long as I can. Just getting all this down into a written medium and sharing it with others was really therapeutic for me, so I hope nobody minds if I take the spotlight off me and leave the floor open for others to share their experiences around this subject in the hopes of it also maybe helping them offload a little. If you have posted your support: I have seen it and I appreciate you taking the time to give me it
If you are sharing your own experience: I also see you, and I hope talking about it helps you in some way "OP your threads are always lovely to read, I don’t usually comment because what I have to say has usually already been said. But today regardless I couldn’t just read and not comment. This thread has made me both genuinely sad, but also made me reflect on my own situation. Be your best self, be proud of who you are and walk tall and confidently whether that be in the gym or anywhere in life. You come across as such a special person, never let anyone dim that sparkle. L x | |||
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"But they still deflect & do the can’t understand why you are still talking about this stuff, we can’t change the past etc just deal with it!" It makes me so mad when my mother does this. I have absolutely no self-esteem and a lot of things and situations make me anxious and uncomfortable because of the way my dad used to belittle me. I was struggling with depression a few years back and I mentioned to my mother that my mental health is fucked up because of my dad and she basically said the above. It's in the past, why are you still blaming him? I should add that they were divorced and not talking to each other so I'm not sure why she took his side, but I stopped telling her anything about my life from then on. K | |||
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"My mum always introduced me and my sister as "this is the pretty one" (my sister) and "this is the clever one" (me). Spent my whole life with her fixated on my weight by telling me how much weight she had lost or what size clothes she's in now. Basically I'm the fat ugly one of the family but luckily, I'm clever.
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP"I grew up in the shadow of a perfect, beautiful sister too. When I was a teenager she unfortunately developed an eating disorder and lost a lot of weight. Within full earshot of me my mum would refer to us as "the daughter that eats too little and the daughter that eats too much". ironically she never realised that she was a massive reason as to why I ate so damn much.
I've heard her telling my brother and sister in law that their naturally very slim daughter is "the kind of child every parent wants because she'll never have weight issues". Sometimes I just really think she wishes I was born a completely different person.
I totally get how that upbringing would affect the way you feel on here, but you shouldn't let that make you write people off before they've had a chance to prove they like you. You're beautiful | |||
"Cue Philip Larkin .........." I wish I had more sex? | |||
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"My mum always introduced me and my sister as "this is the pretty one" (my sister) and "this is the clever one" (me). Spent my whole life with her fixated on my weight by telling me how much weight she had lost or what size clothes she's in now. Basically I'm the fat ugly one of the family but luckily, I'm clever.
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP
I grew up in the shadow of a perfect, beautiful sister too. When I was a teenager she unfortunately developed an eating disorder and lost a lot of weight. Within full earshot of me my mum would refer to us as "the daughter that eats too little and the daughter that eats too much". ironically she never realised that she was a massive reason as to why I ate so damn much.
I've heard her telling my brother and sister in law that their naturally very slim daughter is "the kind of child every parent wants because she'll never have weight issues". Sometimes I just really think she wishes I was born a completely different person.
I totally get how that upbringing would affect the way you feel on here, but you shouldn't let that make you write people off before they've had a chance to prove they like you. You're beautiful "Have you ever told your mum that's she's a cunt? Xx | |||
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"My mum always introduced me and my sister as "this is the pretty one" (my sister) and "this is the clever one" (me). Spent my whole life with her fixated on my weight by telling me how much weight she had lost or what size clothes she's in now. Basically I'm the fat ugly one of the family but luckily, I'm clever.
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP
I grew up in the shadow of a perfect, beautiful sister too. When I was a teenager she unfortunately developed an eating disorder and lost a lot of weight. Within full earshot of me my mum would refer to us as "the daughter that eats too little and the daughter that eats too much". ironically she never realised that she was a massive reason as to why I ate so damn much.
I've heard her telling my brother and sister in law that their naturally very slim daughter is "the kind of child every parent wants because she'll never have weight issues". Sometimes I just really think she wishes I was born a completely different person.
I totally get how that upbringing would affect the way you feel on here, but you shouldn't let that make you write people off before they've had a chance to prove they like you. You're beautiful
Have you ever told your mum that's she's a cunt? Xx"She's nice and loving in other ways and we have an otherwise okay relationship. I think she gets frustrated a lot because she doesn't understand why I get upset. She has also become incredibly sensitive in the past few years and cries at everything, including people being angry at her. A lot of it is definitely projection because she has never been happy with her own weight and looks, and has had to deal with a lot of criticism herself. As a result she's hyper-focused on people's looks. Even watching TV with her is a slog... "oh that person's not very attractive, that person's hair/eyebrows/makeup is terrible". Etc etc. My dad is the same. Comments on strangers walking past in the street in the vein of "god, women over size 16 really shouldn't be dressed like that". They're very much not from the "beauty is only skin deep" generation. | |||
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"My mum always introduced me and my sister as "this is the pretty one" (my sister) and "this is the clever one" (me). Spent my whole life with her fixated on my weight by telling me how much weight she had lost or what size clothes she's in now. Basically I'm the fat ugly one of the family but luckily, I'm clever.
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP
I grew up in the shadow of a perfect, beautiful sister too. When I was a teenager she unfortunately developed an eating disorder and lost a lot of weight. Within full earshot of me my mum would refer to us as "the daughter that eats too little and the daughter that eats too much". ironically she never realised that she was a massive reason as to why I ate so damn much.
I've heard her telling my brother and sister in law that their naturally very slim daughter is "the kind of child every parent wants because she'll never have weight issues". Sometimes I just really think she wishes I was born a completely different person.
I totally get how that upbringing would affect the way you feel on here, but you shouldn't let that make you write people off before they've had a chance to prove they like you. You're beautiful
Have you ever told your mum that's she's a cunt? Xx
She's nice and loving in other ways and we have an otherwise okay relationship. I think she gets frustrated a lot because she doesn't understand why I get upset. She has also become incredibly sensitive in the past few years and cries at everything, including people being angry at her.
A lot of it is definitely projection because she has never been happy with her own weight and looks, and has had to deal with a lot of criticism herself. As a result she's hyper-focused on people's looks. Even watching TV with her is a slog... "oh that person's not very attractive, that person's hair/eyebrows/makeup is terrible". Etc etc.
My dad is the same. Comments on strangers walking past in the street in the vein of "god, women over size 16 really shouldn't be dressed like that". They're very much not from the "beauty is only skin deep" generation. "My dads a bit like this but he doesn’t mean it in a nasty way. He’s very very fit and healthy and I honestly think that’s why. When I say I don’t have time etc he always says things like look after yourself you’d be no good to everyone else if you’re ill etc. I argue with him but I think deep down it’s because I know he’s right. I do need to get fit, I do need to lose weight and I think it annoys me more that I know that he’s right. In some cases I think they are probably trying to do their best for us but maybe going about it the wrong way. | |||
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"After my last training session I made a mental note to myself that I should start wearing smaller tops. My baggy t-shirt kept getting caught under the seat of the rower so I felt it was time to put aesthetics aside in favour of safety. Tonight I chose a smaller top, one that I would usually wear with jeans when I'm not doing lifts and exercises that require lifting my arms so there's no danger of riding up and exposing my belly. I didn't even make it out of my room before going back to my old top, and comfort. Then I got to thinking that that's actually really sad. It's not as if people don't know I'm fat. Like, they have eyes. I'm there to try and fix that problem. I see plenty of other ladies there who wear clothing that sits tight on their beautiful curves, and I've never given that a second thought so why do I feel like people will for me? Then I started thinking back to my childhood on my drive over. Countless times of trying to leave the house in clothes that my mother berated me for until I changed. Not because they were too revealing on the legs or bosom. Because you could see my fat. The outlines of my rolls. My gross thighs. If I had skinny thighs and a flat stomach she would have had no problem with me going out in a bra and a miniskirt, I swear. My response? Eating a fucking multipack of KitKats alone in my room. Then as an adult, being told no one would ever want me by my parents (to be fair, they were right). Still being bodyshamed on my clothing choices, and being made fun of "not caring about their opinions", as if I'm just a stubborn little kid. But I do care. Which is why I hide my body away. If I truly didn't care, I would wear what I've actually always wanted to wear. I wouldn't burst into tears in my birthday dress because my mum gasped and shook her head when she saw my knees. Even today, when modeling a new pair of heels for her, her first comment was "ooh they're so nice, they make your feet look way slimmer". As if that's the only thing that should matter. And the sickest part is I'm still asking for her opinion. Still trying to get the approval that I will probably never get. And I'll most likely never give up, even if it means I might get stuck in a rowing machine. PSA: Be nice to your kids. " Dear Timberswindler, I as a boy and latterly a man have gone through the very same. Short, fat, ugly, useless. All the adjectives designed to be hurtful. I have a little bit of frontage now but I am still mortified by it. Thanks to my parents I always will. I have realised that I am not fat, ugly and useless. I have a very successful career and a lovely loving family. Unfortunately I am still short but nothing I can do there. I do hope you can find the positives in yourself. You are very beautiful on the outside and I imagine the same is true on the inside. I for one would be very proud to be seen anywhere with you on my arm. Be strong. You are lovely and keep on being you. X | |||
"My mum always introduced me and my sister as "this is the pretty one" (my sister) and "this is the clever one" (me). Spent my whole life with her fixated on my weight by telling me how much weight she had lost or what size clothes she's in now. Basically I'm the fat ugly one of the family but luckily, I'm clever.
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP
I grew up in the shadow of a perfect, beautiful sister too. When I was a teenager she unfortunately developed an eating disorder and lost a lot of weight. Within full earshot of me my mum would refer to us as "the daughter that eats too little and the daughter that eats too much". ironically she never realised that she was a massive reason as to why I ate so damn much.
I've heard her telling my brother and sister in law that their naturally very slim daughter is "the kind of child every parent wants because she'll never have weight issues". Sometimes I just really think she wishes I was born a completely different person.
I totally get how that upbringing would affect the way you feel on here, but you shouldn't let that make you write people off before they've had a chance to prove they like you. You're beautiful
Have you ever told your mum that's she's a cunt? Xx
She's nice and loving in other ways and we have an otherwise okay relationship. I think she gets frustrated a lot because she doesn't understand why I get upset. She has also become incredibly sensitive in the past few years and cries at everything, including people being angry at her.
A lot of it is definitely projection because she has never been happy with her own weight and looks, and has had to deal with a lot of criticism herself. As a result she's hyper-focused on people's looks. Even watching TV with her is a slog... "oh that person's not very attractive, that person's hair/eyebrows/makeup is terrible". Etc etc.
My dad is the same. Comments on strangers walking past in the street in the vein of "god, women over size 16 really shouldn't be dressed like that". They're very much not from the "beauty is only skin deep" generation.
My dads a bit like this but he doesn’t mean it in a nasty way. He’s very very fit and healthy and I honestly think that’s why. When I say I don’t have time etc he always says things like look after yourself you’d be no good to everyone else if you’re ill etc. I argue with him but I think deep down it’s because I know he’s right. I do need to get fit, I do need to lose weight and I think it annoys me more that I know that he’s right. In some cases I think they are probably trying to do their best for us but maybe going about it the wrong way. "Fair point, maybe it's coming from love. | |||
"My mum always introduced me and my sister as "this is the pretty one" (my sister) and "this is the clever one" (me). Spent my whole life with her fixated on my weight by telling me how much weight she had lost or what size clothes she's in now. Basically I'm the fat ugly one of the family but luckily, I'm clever.
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP
I grew up in the shadow of a perfect, beautiful sister too. When I was a teenager she unfortunately developed an eating disorder and lost a lot of weight. Within full earshot of me my mum would refer to us as "the daughter that eats too little and the daughter that eats too much". ironically she never realised that she was a massive reason as to why I ate so damn much.
I've heard her telling my brother and sister in law that their naturally very slim daughter is "the kind of child every parent wants because she'll never have weight issues". Sometimes I just really think she wishes I was born a completely different person.
I totally get how that upbringing would affect the way you feel on here, but you shouldn't let that make you write people off before they've had a chance to prove they like you. You're beautiful
Have you ever told your mum that's she's a cunt? Xx
She's nice and loving in other ways and we have an otherwise okay relationship. I think she gets frustrated a lot because she doesn't understand why I get upset. She has also become incredibly sensitive in the past few years and cries at everything, including people being angry at her.
A lot of it is definitely projection because she has never been happy with her own weight and looks, and has had to deal with a lot of criticism herself. As a result she's hyper-focused on people's looks. Even watching TV with her is a slog... "oh that person's not very attractive, that person's hair/eyebrows/makeup is terrible". Etc etc.
My dad is the same. Comments on strangers walking past in the street in the vein of "god, women over size 16 really shouldn't be dressed like that". They're very much not from the "beauty is only skin deep" generation.
My dads a bit like this but he doesn’t mean it in a nasty way. He’s very very fit and healthy and I honestly think that’s why. When I say I don’t have time etc he always says things like look after yourself you’d be no good to everyone else if you’re ill etc. I argue with him but I think deep down it’s because I know he’s right. I do need to get fit, I do need to lose weight and I think it annoys me more that I know that he’s right. In some cases I think they are probably trying to do their best for us but maybe going about it the wrong way.
Fair point, maybe it's coming from love. "I’m not saying all the time as some of the things I’ve read here are heartbreaking and awful. Sometimes maybe it is. My dad’s answer to everything that may be wrong in life is “go for a walk you’ll feel better” . | |||
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" And the sickest part is I'm still asking for her opinion. Still trying to get the approval that I will probably never get. And I'll most likely never give up, even if it means I might get stuck in a rowing machine. This is the part that hit me the most though it's the dad for me, I spent my life seeking his approval and as you say not sure will ever get I try and temper it by saying he means well" Yes I did same! A few years before my mum died I actually asked her why she allways told me I was stupid and useless when I was growing up she replied because u are! I think I've worked out why she was so unkind to me I think she was jealous that my dad loved me bizarre as that sounds! She allways said she only wanted sons! I did love her very much x | |||
"My mum always introduced me and my sister as "this is the pretty one" (my sister) and "this is the clever one" (me). Spent my whole life with her fixated on my weight by telling me how much weight she had lost or what size clothes she's in now. Basically I'm the fat ugly one of the family but luckily, I'm clever.
Despite my photos on here, I have very little body confidence and tend to turn very good looking, fit guys who message me away, telling them they "don't need to scrape the barrel with me" when they have verifications from women half my age and half my size. I'm right there with you OP
I grew up in the shadow of a perfect, beautiful sister too. When I was a teenager she unfortunately developed an eating disorder and lost a lot of weight. Within full earshot of me my mum would refer to us as "the daughter that eats too little and the daughter that eats too much". ironically she never realised that she was a massive reason as to why I ate so damn much.
I've heard her telling my brother and sister in law that their naturally very slim daughter is "the kind of child every parent wants because she'll never have weight issues". Sometimes I just really think she wishes I was born a completely different person.
I totally get how that upbringing would affect the way you feel on here, but you shouldn't let that make you write people off before they've had a chance to prove they like you. You're beautiful
Have you ever told your mum that's she's a cunt? Xx
She's nice and loving in other ways and we have an otherwise okay relationship. I think she gets frustrated a lot because she doesn't understand why I get upset. She has also become incredibly sensitive in the past few years and cries at everything, including people being angry at her.
A lot of it is definitely projection because she has never been happy with her own weight and looks, and has had to deal with a lot of criticism herself. As a result she's hyper-focused on people's looks. Even watching TV with her is a slog... "oh that person's not very attractive, that person's hair/eyebrows/makeup is terrible". Etc etc.
My dad is the same. Comments on strangers walking past in the street in the vein of "god, women over size 16 really shouldn't be dressed like that". They're very much not from the "beauty is only skin deep" generation.
My dads a bit like this but he doesn’t mean it in a nasty way. He’s very very fit and healthy and I honestly think that’s why. When I say I don’t have time etc he always says things like look after yourself you’d be no good to everyone else if you’re ill etc. I argue with him but I think deep down it’s because I know he’s right. I do need to get fit, I do need to lose weight and I think it annoys me more that I know that he’s right. In some cases I think they are probably trying to do their best for us but maybe going about it the wrong way. "Yeah this sounds more like concern for your health than your looks. Your dad sounds like a good man | |||
"Maybe it's time to spend a bit less time in the company of your parents and shake off their influence on how you think " I'm trying... It's not easy on a single salary in London | |||
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"In case anyone is interested I am wearing a dress that comes slightly above the knee today (albeit with black tights but baby steps). I saw my mother do the "I really want to say something but I don't want the headache" look but I just pretended to be in a rush so I wouldn't have to be around the negativity. It's summer and I'm dressing for it " this! | |||
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"Maybe it's time to spend a bit less time in the company of your parents and shake off their influence on how you think I'm trying... It's not easy on a single salary in London " Everyone is in Manchester. Unfortunately I'm there too  | |||
"In case anyone is interested I am wearing a dress that comes slightly above the knee today (albeit with black tights but baby steps). I saw my mother do the "I really want to say something but I don't want the headache" look but I just pretended to be in a rush so I wouldn't have to be around the negativity. It's summer and I'm dressing for it " | |||
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