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Friend label and boxes
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I was having this discussion with a friend (guy and yes just a friend) about labels and stuff, particularly when it comes to interpersonal relationships between people.
I admit I tend to put things into boxes or labels, so if I put someone in my JUST friend box, there’s no chance in hell I could fuck them, or cuddle with them. Or do anything of those things cos guess what, I don’t fuck my friends?!
He was very anti this idea, and said he could be friend with somebody (so have the definition of that + sex) and still fuck them. So chill
My brain just can’t, That’s why I refer to the guys I have something with, as either lovers (or bfs if we make it official), or just somebody I fucked if it was once. But yeah, I hate this friend definition. If you been inside , We ain’t frieeeendsss! 
And if you are my friend now, there’s no way you will be in me. EVER again
I don’t know if you are following me. Are you a compartmentaliser like me, or not really?
Boiling it all to: Do you fuck your friends? |
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"So I was having this discussion with a friend (guy and yes just a friend) about labels and stuff, particularly when it comes to interpersonal relationships between people.
I admit I tend to put things into boxes or labels, so if I put someone in my JUST friend box, there’s no chance in hell I could fuck them, or cuddle with them. Or do anything of those things cos guess what, I don’t fuck my friends?!
He was very anti this idea, and said he could be friend with somebody (so have the definition of that + sex) and still fuck them. So chill
My brain just can’t, That’s why I refer to the guys I have something with, as either lovers (or bfs if we make it official), or just somebody I fucked if it was once. But yeah, I hate this friend definition. If you been inside , We ain’t frieeeendsss!
And if you are my friend now, there’s no way you will be in me. EVER again
I don’t know if you are following me. Are you a compartmentaliser like me, or not really?
Boiling it all to: Do you fuck your friends? "
In simple terms, yes. We both fuck some of our freinds. Tend to be ones we've met on fab or other swinging/kink environments.
But very happy to cuddle and hug freinds that we've met in other circumstances. Even if we'd never want to fuck them.
Guess we're just both tactile people! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So I was having this discussion with a friend (guy and yes just a friend) about labels and stuff, particularly when it comes to interpersonal relationships between people.
I admit I tend to put things into boxes or labels, so if I put someone in my JUST friend box, there’s no chance in hell I could fuck them, or cuddle with them. Or do anything of those things cos guess what, I don’t fuck my friends?!
He was very anti this idea, and said he could be friend with somebody (so have the definition of that + sex) and still fuck them. So chill
My brain just can’t, That’s why I refer to the guys I have something with, as either lovers (or bfs if we make it official), or just somebody I fucked if it was once. But yeah, I hate this friend definition. If you been inside , We ain’t frieeeendsss!
And if you are my friend now, there’s no way you will be in me. EVER again
I don’t know if you are following me. Are you a compartmentaliser like me, or not really?
Boiling it all to: Do you fuck your friends?
In simple terms, yes. We both fuck some of our freinds. Tend to be ones we've met on fab or other swinging/kink environments.
But very happy to cuddle and hug freinds that we've met in other circumstances. Even if we'd never want to fuck them.
Guess we're just both tactile people!"
Haha!
Id say I’m tactile but only with people I allow to, otherwise I’m very like “pls don’t touch me”
Id say maybe it could be that my mum was never a hugger, so as much as I crave it from the right guy. I find it super awkward to be cuddled if I don’t feel anything for him or if it’s just a friend  |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
I wouldn't want to fuck my enemies....!
I think my compartments are more fluid. I have neighbours, acquiantenances, work colleagues, friends, and random people off the internet - and anyone can go from any group to any other group, potentially. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I hate the term ‘friends’ that people use as a coverall definition for anyone that they’ve either had sex with or waved at across a car park.
I’d rather people be specific about the definition than use vague niceties to cover the situation.
‘Friend’ to me is non sexual, if I’ve had sex with them, then they might be friendly but they’re not just a friend! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hate the term ‘friends’ that people use as a coverall definition for anyone that they’ve either had sex with or waved at across a car park.
I’d rather people be specific about the definition than use vague niceties to cover the situation.
‘Friend’ to me is non sexual, if I’ve had sex with them, then they might be friendly but they’re not just a friend! "
Omg thank you very much for understanding!
Personally the term friend is so specific to me, while some people use it for someone they barely even know.
I hate that
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"I hate the term friends with benefits with a passion cos guess what. We ain’t fucking friends! "
I wouldn't call someone I simply have sex with a lover...I know what love is and I wouldn't dilute the meaning of the word in such a way. I hate the term "lover" with a passion, cus guess what, if it's just sex, there's no love there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hate the term friends with benefits with a passion cos guess what. We ain’t fucking friends!
I wouldn't call someone I simply have sex with a lover...I know what love is and I wouldn't dilute the meaning of the word in such a way. I hate the term "lover" with a passion, cus guess what, if it's just sex, there's no love there."
If it’s someone I only have sex with, then he gets the “just a guy a bang label”
Or “a guy I’m seeing for sex”
Lover is the step before the bf label. Obviously it’s from my own perception, maybe he won’t feel the same about my label and that’s fine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Friends with Benefit does not mean friend in true sense I guess. FWB sounds a bit better than Fuck Buddy. Lol. Same as how the word socialism is used to mean Communism. Just a better sounding word to deal with our misplaced sense of self-righteousnes. Haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Different labels mean different things to different people but by default (as you demonstrate so well) they have a tendency to be restrictive.
Personally, I simply avoid the label, I have no reason or need to give a label to every relationship in my life - nor desire to. A person may, at various times, be a colleague a boss, a customer, a friend or simply an acquaintance. If someone asks me how I know another person or what my relationship is to them, depending on who is asking and why, I may reply with a basic label of what they are to me right there and then or a better description of what labels they've had over the time I've known them but none of these labels are fixed. Life is about change and I've found you get far more from it of you embrace that change rather than get to police it.
Do you think that your stance is possibly hampering/has hampered your ability to find the best partner for you? Becoming good friends then lovers is often a successful way to start a fantastic relationship.
Mr |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"I hate the term friends with benefits with a passion cos guess what. We ain’t fucking friends!
I wouldn't call someone I simply have sex with a lover...I know what love is and I wouldn't dilute the meaning of the word in such a way. I hate the term "lover" with a passion, cus guess what, if it's just sex, there's no love there.
If it’s someone I only have sex with, then he gets the “just a guy a bang label”
Or “a guy I’m seeing for sex”
Lover is the step before the bf label. Obviously it’s from my own perception, maybe he won’t feel the same about my label and that’s fine "
Personally I would prefer a woman (that I am intimit with) introduces me as a friend rather than "just a guy I bang"...than again I am someone that wants a connection rather then "just sex". I think there are multiple layers to friendship...I think there is a friendship element between people that are in a serious relationship or marriage as well (many see their partner as their best friend) and it allows for a much deeper connection.
It's a complex thought process ...especially if we try to put labels on everything, but if it helps you navigate your life better, than I can understand.
Would you be OK if one of these "guys you bang" labels you as "just a booty call" ? It is technically the same thing isn't it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I hate the term friends with benefits with a passion cos guess what. We ain’t fucking friends!
I wouldn't call someone I simply have sex with a lover...I know what love is and I wouldn't dilute the meaning of the word in such a way. I hate the term "lover" with a passion, cus guess what, if it's just sex, there's no love there.
If it’s someone I only have sex with, then he gets the “just a guy a bang label”
Or “a guy I’m seeing for sex”
Lover is the step before the bf label. Obviously it’s from my own perception, maybe he won’t feel the same about my label and that’s fine
Personally I would prefer a woman (that I am intimit with) introduces me as a friend rather than "just a guy I bang"...than again I am someone that wants a connection rather then "just sex". I think there are multiple layers to friendship...I think there is a friendship element between people that are in a serious relationship or marriage as well (many see their partner as their best friend) and it allows for a much deeper connection.
It's a complex thought process ...especially if we try to put labels on everything, but if it helps you navigate your life better, than I can understand.
Would you be OK if one of these "guys you bang" labels you as "just a booty call" ? It is technically the same thing isn't it? "
I mean of course there’s some sort of friendship even in marriage and relationship. But it’s never just friends.
Just friends is so specific and has a non sexual connotation in my books. But for me to call someone a friend, also has quite a meaning.
Otherwise they’d get acquaintance or someone I know.
I mean if he feels I’m just a booty call, that’s fine. Then we wouldn’t be on same page but yeah
Id prefer booty call than just a friend at least booty call has sown sort of attraction |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I hate the term ‘friends’ that people use as a coverall definition for anyone that they’ve either had sex with or waved at across a car park.
I’d rather people be specific about the definition than use vague niceties to cover the situation.
‘Friend’ to me is non sexual, if I’ve had sex with them, then they might be friendly but they’re not just a friend!
Omg thank you very much for understanding!
Personally the term friend is so specific to me, while some people use it for someone they barely even know.
I hate that
"
It can be used quite deceptively too.
For saying that we’re meant to be open minded, sex positive people, we certainly have an issue with saying what we actually mean! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Different labels mean different things to different people but by default (as you demonstrate so well) they have a tendency to be restrictive.
Personally, I simply avoid the label, I have no reason or need to give a label to every relationship in my life - nor desire to. A person may, at various times, be a colleague a boss, a customer, a friend or simply an acquaintance. If someone asks me how I know another person or what my relationship is to them, depending on who is asking and why, I may reply with a basic label of what they are to me right there and then or a better description of what labels they've had over the time I've known them but none of these labels are fixed. Life is about change and I've found you get far more from it of you embrace that change rather than get to police it.
Do you think that your stance is possibly hampering/has hampered your ability to find the best partner for you? Becoming good friends then lovers is often a successful way to start a fantastic relationship.
Mr"
I don’t know , I guess it never happened that way where I was a good friends with somebody and then turned romantic. Because my brain just goes “nope, not going there”
And if there’s secret attraction, then I guess that’d be different but that’s the whole “could I truly be friend with that person” debate
Personally, probably not |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"I hate the term friends with benefits with a passion cos guess what. We ain’t fucking friends!
I wouldn't call someone I simply have sex with a lover...I know what love is and I wouldn't dilute the meaning of the word in such a way. I hate the term "lover" with a passion, cus guess what, if it's just sex, there's no love there.
If it’s someone I only have sex with, then he gets the “just a guy a bang label”
Or “a guy I’m seeing for sex”
Lover is the step before the bf label. Obviously it’s from my own perception, maybe he won’t feel the same about my label and that’s fine
Personally I would prefer a woman (that I am intimit with) introduces me as a friend rather than "just a guy I bang"...than again I am someone that wants a connection rather then "just sex". I think there are multiple layers to friendship...I think there is a friendship element between people that are in a serious relationship or marriage as well (many see their partner as their best friend) and it allows for a much deeper connection.
It's a complex thought process ...especially if we try to put labels on everything, but if it helps you navigate your life better, than I can understand.
Would you be OK if one of these "guys you bang" labels you as "just a booty call" ? It is technically the same thing isn't it?
I mean of course there’s some sort of friendship even in marriage and relationship. But it’s never just friends.
Just friends is so specific and has a non sexual connotation in my books. But for me to call someone a friend, also has quite a meaning.
Otherwise they’d get acquaintance or someone I know.
I mean if he feels I’m just a booty call, that’s fine. Then we wouldn’t be on same page but yeah
Id prefer booty call than just a friend at least booty call has sown sort of attraction "
You wouldn't be on the same page or you would be on the same page? If He is "just a guy you bang" for you and you are "just a booty call" for him...is that not the same thing?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I hate the term friends with benefits with a passion cos guess what. We ain’t fucking friends!
I wouldn't call someone I simply have sex with a lover...I know what love is and I wouldn't dilute the meaning of the word in such a way. I hate the term "lover" with a passion, cus guess what, if it's just sex, there's no love there.
If it’s someone I only have sex with, then he gets the “just a guy a bang label”
Or “a guy I’m seeing for sex”
Lover is the step before the bf label. Obviously it’s from my own perception, maybe he won’t feel the same about my label and that’s fine
Personally I would prefer a woman (that I am intimit with) introduces me as a friend rather than "just a guy I bang"...than again I am someone that wants a connection rather then "just sex". I think there are multiple layers to friendship...I think there is a friendship element between people that are in a serious relationship or marriage as well (many see their partner as their best friend) and it allows for a much deeper connection.
It's a complex thought process ...especially if we try to put labels on everything, but if it helps you navigate your life better, than I can understand.
Would you be OK if one of these "guys you bang" labels you as "just a booty call" ? It is technically the same thing isn't it?
I mean of course there’s some sort of friendship even in marriage and relationship. But it’s never just friends.
Just friends is so specific and has a non sexual connotation in my books. But for me to call someone a friend, also has quite a meaning.
Otherwise they’d get acquaintance or someone I know.
I mean if he feels I’m just a booty call, that’s fine. Then we wouldn’t be on same page but yeah
Id prefer booty call than just a friend at least booty call has sown sort of attraction
You wouldn't be on the same page or you would be on the same page? If He is "just a guy you bang" for you and you are "just a booty call" for him...is that not the same thing? "
Oh yes in that case, yes totally same page. It’s potato potaato kinda situation
But if he’s a guy I’m seeing for sex and he’s like.. she’s my friend
Id be well offended…  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I used to call someone who was a friend, that I also had sex with, a "special friend" lol he hated that!! "
A special friend Tho has that connotation of… ohhh I get what you mean  |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I don't like it when fuck buddies refer to us as friends.
Friends do things together that doesn't involve a penis in a vagina, and chat at times other than when they are horny.
Don't be elevating yourself into my friendzone mate  |
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