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By *riel13 OP Woman
over a year ago
Northampton |
Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in!  |
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"Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in! "
I think you look very nice, I like the dinosaur dress. I think it's quite common to feel that way my ex always did when she was in a downer. But it'll pass try and take your mind off it by doing something you enjoy. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Are your downers triggered by the same thing, or do you feel that way about anything that gets you down?
Could it be linked to how you have been treated in the past, with people calling you ugly when they were being nasty? |
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"Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in! "
You know where I am when you’re on a downer
#i’llputasmileonyoureface   |
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By *riel13 OP Woman
over a year ago
Northampton |
Sorry, I didn't want this to be a look at me/sympathy thread... It just pisses me off that it's always my perception of my attractiveness or lack there of that is affected, nothing else... We are taught some horrible things to torture ourselves with as adults  ... Thing is, I might be fine again in a bloody hour... You're all lovely though, thank you  |
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By *riel13 OP Woman
over a year ago
Northampton |
No trigger at all mostly, I get it when I am hormonal but thats too early and it's "everything is terrible" then lol but I understand that... I'll be ok, it just bugs me that it's howbI look, over anything else, that I feel (I don't give a shit, too much, usually) ... Thanks guys! (really needs a kissy face emoji on here) much love to you |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
"Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in! "
Nah, you're definitely are not ugly that's for sure  |
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By *riel13 OP Woman
over a year ago
Northampton |
"I think we all sabotage ourselves when we are low op
You're not ugly at all and seem sound on the forum's .
Keep smiling and hopefully it will pass !x"
I'm trying... Like I said, I might be fine in an hour or a minute, ya know... It's fucked up... Ne'mind |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
Feel very much the same as you. Wouldn't mind but I definitely value so many things more than my looks, but that is where I get hit.
"Because we're made to believe we have to be beautiful to be liked, loved, successful etc.
"
This hits the nail on the head. Many hugs for your down days and hoping they pass by swiftly
P |
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By *riel13 OP Woman
over a year ago
Northampton |
"Feel very much the same as you. Wouldn't mind but I definitely value so many things more than my looks, but that is where I get hit.
Because we're made to believe we have to be beautiful to be liked, loved, successful etc.
This hits the nail on the head. Many hugs for your down days and hoping they pass by swiftly
P"
Thanks n right back at ya! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's a good question. Reading some of the answers I wonder if this affects more women than men? I don't think women are more likely to be concerned about their looks but from a very young age looks are used way more as a way of praising girls and could perhaps then result in them being used to self sabotage?
Trying to think what ways I judge myself. Weight is one, particularly when the scales are telling me it's true, looks a little but not especially so, I'm fairly happy with my ok, slightly below average self assessment and this doesn't really change. Being boring/weird/different are probably the most likely to bother me.
Mr |
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"Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in! "
Know that feeling well, OP. And I think most of my female friends do too. It's bloody weird isn't? Judging our worth by our looks? And we judge ourself far too harshly.
You are so pretty, with lovely hair.
Feel better soon. If I was nearer, I'd let you have some of my cake...xx |
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"Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in! "
I hear ya! It's exactly where my brain goes too when I'm having a bad moment x
Tg x |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in! "
I get this and Fab doesn't help. It's all about P and I am discarded. Absolute no help for men on here.
Maybe I should grow tits.
C |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"Because we're made to believe we have to be beautiful to be liked, loved, successful etc.
"
I like you due to your initial peomise of banana bread. Never seen you but that initial flippant remark is key.
C |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"I’m sorry you’re feeling low, I know plenty of people who had tattoos and now regret them. Have you considered getting them removed?"
Fuck no. We should show people who they are and love them for that.
C |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Because as women we're taught our entire lives that it's the most important thing for us to be pretty.
I'm sorry you're feeling down OP. "
Exactly this. We place so much emphasis on being pretty or not, whether that's from internal or external forces, we can rationalise and say we're x, y and z but when it comes to our looks it's far more linked to our self worth than we might care to admit.
I do the same. Awful hangover Sunday, convinced myself I was ugly and you know... all the hideous stuff. Undesirable because I'm soooooo ugly. But now I'm in a better place and I don't think that.
I hope you get to that place soon. xx |
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"Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in!
I hear ya! It's exactly where my brain goes too when I'm having a bad moment x
Tg x"
Same here. Some days I can't look in a mirror. It never manifests itself in the other ways you describe. Some days I can't pick 1 positive thing on my appearance to focus on. But as you say it goes as quickly as it comes.
Just need to straighten our crown and fake it til we make it!  |
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"Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in! "
Because it's very easy to judge your own self-worth by how you look and I challenge anyone not to find something visual/physical about themselves that they they are 100% happy with.
Therefore it's a guaranteed 100% outcome that the thing you find within yourself will make you feel unhappy.
So the question is therefore, knowing that it's easy to find things about ourselves that make us unhappy, why do we do it ?
It's my belief that it's an avoidance / defence mechanism.
And the real kicker is, whatever the real reasons are for our unhappiness, it'd be entirely possible we ignore it and substitute it for something else we can identify.
I'd recommend some therapy to talk through your feelings and life with a neutral counsellor and see what emerges.
Hope you feel better in mind, spirit and soul soon.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey op! I think you’re gorgeous. You’ve got incredibly sultry eyes, a warm genuine smile, your hair is awesome, love your tats and you have impeccable style! I also own a dinosaur dress but it’s no way near as cool as yours!!
Lots of love xxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m sorry you’re feeling low, I know plenty of people who had tattoos and now regret them. Have you considered getting them removed?"
Why have you said this? She hasn’t mentioned her tattoos? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op - there’s lots of good advice here, have you tried sitting with it/journaling to see what comes up for you, just write whatever comes into your head, and then read it back? |
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"Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in! "
Because society has taught you from a young age that your worth as a person is heavily dependent on how attractive you are. So you subconsciously focus on that |
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"Because as women we're taught our entire lives that it's the most important thing for us to be pretty.
I'm sorry you're feeling down OP.
Exactly this. We place so much emphasis on being pretty or not, whether that's from internal or external forces, we can rationalise and say we're x, y and z but when it comes to our looks it's far more linked to our self worth than we might care to admit.
I do the same. Awful hangover Sunday, convinced myself I was ugly and you know... all the hideous stuff. Undesirable because I'm soooooo ugly. But now I'm in a better place and I don't think that.
I hope you get to that place soon. xx"
Those days / episodes are awful .
I’ve been there .
We can have a thousand good qualities and bring love and positivity to those around us but only see ourselves as saggy , flawed , ugly etc .
It is the result social conditioning from birth .
Sometimes it’s hard to see yourself as desirable with your perceived flaws as we live in a society that values youth above all else
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why is it, whenever I am on a downer, I feel ugly... Never stupid, or like a terrible person or crap parent/sister/friend... Always fucking ugly, unfanciable, invisible... And fat(ok so I am actually fat but ya know)... Does my bloody head in! "
Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that a feeling is neither right nor wrong, it's just a feeling and more often than not, based upon emotions and not facts and it passes. We need to remind ourselves at times like these, that we look the same as we did a few weeks ago when we were strutting and smiling at the everyone and the world....same person. |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"Because as women we're taught our entire lives that it's the most important thing for us to be pretty.
I'm sorry you're feeling down OP.
Exactly this. We place so much emphasis on being pretty or not, whether that's from internal or external forces, we can rationalise and say we're x, y and z but when it comes to our looks it's far more linked to our self worth than we might care to admit.
I do the same. Awful hangover Sunday, convinced myself I was ugly and you know... all the hideous stuff. Undesirable because I'm soooooo ugly. But now I'm in a better place and I don't think that.
I hope you get to that place soon. xx"
Ciao Bella
C |
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By *riel13 OP Woman
over a year ago
Northampton |
Thank you for your support and advice, you wonderful people... Luckily, today seems to be a better day! It just gets on my nerves that I feel like that, even when I have just liked seeing myself in the mirror... People, make no bloody sense, I find, far too often
Nevermind, today is another day, much love to you all! (still no kissy face) |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
Our brains can really be our worst enemies can't they?
Whatever other see (which isn't ugly btw but I guess you figured that already from all the folk above ), our minds eye gets clouded sometimes.
Hope it clears up soon though  |
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