FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Kink vs life
Kink vs life
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have often heard that men/women who are submissive on bed behave the opposite in real life. People who have lot of power let out their desire to give up control on bed.
It's not the case for me. I am submissive on the kink spectrum. Even in real life, I tend to say yes to whatever a woman says with a strong voice  I prefer staying away from job roles which involve me leading other people.
Do you think the theory of people having opposite character within bedroom and outside has some truth in it? If you are a dom/sub, does that behaviour correlate somehow with your real life? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me it's more the idea of giving up control that's a turn on. I wish I could be totally submissive to someone but it's just not my personality. I like to control everything in normal life so I struggle to give it to someone else in the bedroom. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Do you think the theory of people having opposite character within bedroom and outside has some truth in it? If you are a dom/sub, does that behaviour correlate somehow with your real life?"
Like everything it depends.
Most Dominants I know are not in opposite roles in their job. But they also aren’t dicks needing to “prove” themselves by barking orders everywhere. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's definitely true for some. High powered job men being sub in the bedroom. Loving a woman being in charge.  "
Yeah. I have heard about a lot many of them from dominant women. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For me it's more the idea of giving up control that's a turn on. I wish I could be totally submissive to someone but it's just not my personality. I like to control everything in normal life so I struggle to give it to someone else in the bedroom."
Makes sense. Straight opposite to me though. I prefer someone else taking control both in and out of the bedroom. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you think the theory of people having opposite character within bedroom and outside has some truth in it? If you are a dom/sub, does that behaviour correlate somehow with your real life?
Like everything it depends.
Most Dominants I know are not in opposite roles in their job. But they also aren’t dicks needing to “prove” themselves by barking orders everywhere."
Agreed. Being a leader in real life doesn't mean they have to be a dick. Unfortunately, some are. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In the bedroom I'm sub but when I'm out of it I'm in control. People at always calling me the boss "
So there is some truth to the theory definitely |
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It has some truth to it for me. I am very strong and independent in real life but submissive in the bedroom. Giving up all the power to someone and still being in control of the situation in a sense is what turns me on. |
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Another example of living out your fantasies in the swinging world which you can’t in t her real world. For those who keep them separate anyway.
Definitely agree though, particularly if your looked to as a leader and decision maker it’s escapism and exciting to give total control to someone else in that setting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think the theory of people having opposite character within bedroom and outside has some truth in it? If you are a dom/sub, does that behaviour correlate somehow with your real life?
Like everything it depends.
Most Dominants I know are not in opposite roles in their job. But they also aren’t dicks needing to “prove” themselves by barking orders everywhere."
 |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I think it is a stereotype put about by erotic writers as it creates dramatic tension, and by a few of those that see themselves as dominant because it creates an interesting story.
Behind every stereotype there may be some form of truth, so that some powerful people are submissive in a kink sense, however some powerful people are dominant and there probably far more that are not into kink. That is not forgetting those that switch.
It is the standard answer to most Fab questions: "Some do, some don't, and it depends" |
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Some truth for me. Work has always involved a lot of responsibility albeit in different ways. Decision making, being in control etc.
I’m not into extremes, but I enjoy letting go of that control in the bedroom. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had a lot of leadership time, but I don't think it translates to my sex life. I am sensitive to what a woman wants from sex and happy to let her lead to achieve that, but I have desires too, which I will pursue.. |
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I very much agree with _ensual that it is a stereotype. And even if someone is successful and driven doesn't mean they haven't got submissive tendancies in work. I believe it far more nuanced than I'm kick arse all the time outside of the dynamic and a pussy cat inside it. As always I think it's a broad spectrum |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
Although I believe in the importance of personal experience,and shared testimony. In dealing wth those it is still important to scrutise them, to avoid the the situation in the parable of the blind men describing an elephant. Each of blind mens' subjective personal experience was right but also incomplete.
There is nearly always context, situation, definition and the bigger picture.
From Wikipedia
The parable of the blind men and an elephant originated in the ancient Indian subcontinent, from where it has been widely diffused. It is a story of a group of blind men who have never come across an elephant before and who learn and imagine what the elephant is like by touching it. Each blind man feels a different part of the elephant's body, but only one part, such as the side or the tusk. They then describe the elephant based on their limited experience and their descriptions of the elephant are different from each other. In some versions, they come to suspect that the other person is dishonest and they come to blows. The moral of the parable is that humans have a tendency to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experience as they ignore other people's limited, subjective experiences which may be equally true.
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise "
Agree wholly |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"My issue is that people often have little to zero idea on subjects they’re talking about . And it’s quite obvious when that’s the case.
"
Indeed…
But how does someone Educate themselves if they are not allowed to discuss subjects to which they have no practical experience? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My issue is that people often have little to zero idea on subjects they’re talking about . And it’s quite obvious when that’s the case.
Indeed…
But how does someone Educate themselves if they are not allowed to discuss subjects to which they have no practical experience?"
One shouldn’t behave as knowledgable but consider asking open questions. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
There are three issues here.
The first is providing education so that people can spot those who have no knowledge that pretend they do or those that think they have the knowledge but don't. So in the rope world more rope bottoms take lessons on tying to know how it is done safely. It is not quite so easy with psychological kinks. Because people enter into kink to follow their own fantasy the reality is not the main consideration. If a person has no experience it is difficult to spot the fake.
Second is the difficulty of finding/providing education to those that want to learn.
Third, people don't always realise they need education usually subs entering the scene or those who claim to be naturally dominant.
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise "
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise "
But it's experience which allows people to see whether others have experience or are just full of bluster. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself "
This is a forum with the medium of using words. Conveying one’s experiences doesn’t make anyone a fool. Only trying to fool or force ones I’ll informed information is foolish and the opposite of education. |
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
This is a forum with the medium of using words. Conveying one’s experiences doesn’t make anyone a fool. Only trying to fool or force ones I’ll informed information is foolish and the opposite of education. "
I am allowed to have a laugh with my mate, which is allowed on the forum I believe. I don't need to prove anything to them, they are fully aware of my experience in the lifestyle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
This is a forum with the medium of using words. Conveying one’s experiences doesn’t make anyone a fool. Only trying to fool or force ones I’ll informed information is foolish and the opposite of education.
I am allowed to have a laugh with my mate, which is allowed on the forum I believe. I don't need to prove anything to them, they are fully aware of my experience in the lifestyle "
I think it's not just Fetcpl who'd want photographic evidence, Frida |
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
This is a forum with the medium of using words. Conveying one’s experiences doesn’t make anyone a fool. Only trying to fool or force ones I’ll informed information is foolish and the opposite of education.
I am allowed to have a laugh with my mate, which is allowed on the forum I believe. I don't need to prove anything to them, they are fully aware of my experience in the lifestyle
I think it's not just Fetcpl who'd want photographic evidence, Frida "
Haha, that's true but I wouldn't want to subject people to my naked arse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
This is a forum with the medium of using words. Conveying one’s experiences doesn’t make anyone a fool. Only trying to fool or force ones I’ll informed information is foolish and the opposite of education.
I am allowed to have a laugh with my mate, which is allowed on the forum I believe. I don't need to prove anything to them, they are fully aware of my experience in the lifestyle
I think it's not just Fetcpl who'd want photographic evidence, Frida
Haha, that's true but I wouldn't want to subject people to my naked arse "
Some of it might be obscured by a paddle? |
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
This is a forum with the medium of using words. Conveying one’s experiences doesn’t make anyone a fool. Only trying to fool or force ones I’ll informed information is foolish and the opposite of education.
I am allowed to have a laugh with my mate, which is allowed on the forum I believe. I don't need to prove anything to them, they are fully aware of my experience in the lifestyle
I think it's not just Fetcpl who'd want photographic evidence, Frida
Haha, that's true but I wouldn't want to subject people to my naked arse
Some of it might be obscured by a paddle? "
We don't actually have a paddle anymore, we broke it. We did however replace it with a mini cricket bat  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
This is a forum with the medium of using words. Conveying one’s experiences doesn’t make anyone a fool. Only trying to fool or force ones I’ll informed information is foolish and the opposite of education.
I am allowed to have a laugh with my mate, which is allowed on the forum I believe. I don't need to prove anything to them, they are fully aware of my experience in the lifestyle
I think it's not just Fetcpl who'd want photographic evidence, Frida
Haha, that's true but I wouldn't want to subject people to my naked arse
Some of it might be obscured by a paddle?
We don't actually have a paddle anymore, we broke it. We did however replace it with a mini cricket bat "
That sounds..nice. 
I don't have a paddle anymore. It was under my mattress when I moved house. I don't like to think about who saw it and where it could be.  |
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
This is a forum with the medium of using words. Conveying one’s experiences doesn’t make anyone a fool. Only trying to fool or force ones I’ll informed information is foolish and the opposite of education.
I am allowed to have a laugh with my mate, which is allowed on the forum I believe. I don't need to prove anything to them, they are fully aware of my experience in the lifestyle
I think it's not just Fetcpl who'd want photographic evidence, Frida
Haha, that's true but I wouldn't want to subject people to my naked arse
Some of it might be obscured by a paddle?
We don't actually have a paddle anymore, we broke it. We did however replace it with a mini cricket bat
That sounds..nice.
I don't have a paddle anymore. It was under my mattress when I moved house. I don't like to think about who saw it and where it could be. "
Waaa, oh no way! Oh well at least it probably gave someone a surprise.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
This is a forum with the medium of using words. Conveying one’s experiences doesn’t make anyone a fool. Only trying to fool or force ones I’ll informed information is foolish and the opposite of education.
I am allowed to have a laugh with my mate, which is allowed on the forum I believe. I don't need to prove anything to them, they are fully aware of my experience in the lifestyle
I think it's not just Fetcpl who'd want photographic evidence, Frida
Haha, that's true but I wouldn't want to subject people to my naked arse
Some of it might be obscured by a paddle?
We don't actually have a paddle anymore, we broke it. We did however replace it with a mini cricket bat
That sounds..nice.
I don't have a paddle anymore. It was under my mattress when I moved house. I don't like to think about who saw it and where it could be.
Waaa, oh no way! Oh well at least it probably gave someone a surprise. "
One of my children? |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself "
You know I’m more than happy to see evidence of what you get up to - for purely scientific purposes obviously
I may scribble in red pen over them “is that all you got!” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
You know I’m more than happy to see evidence of what you get up to - for purely scientific purposes obviously
I may scribble in red pen over them “is that all you got!” "
You’ve sadly taken a very defensive stance. |
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
You know I’m more than happy to see evidence of what you get up to - for purely scientific purposes obviously
I may scribble in red pen over them “is that all you got!” "
You know I love my science, yellow or white coat? |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
You know I’m more than happy to see evidence of what you get up to - for purely scientific purposes obviously
I may scribble in red pen over them “is that all you got!”
You know I love my science, yellow or white coat? "
White. It shows up the claret a lot more |
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"Limiting conversation to personal experience is difficult as how do you prove or evidence their experience?
There are plenty of people who have no practical experience but are curious about a subject so base their comments on what they have seen, heard or read.
There are also people who through their own actions and words show that they have little to no experience despite claiming otherwise
Oh what I was going to submit photographic evidence to you, to prove myself to you. Because that's obviously important, before I can discuss anything on here. Man I'm glad I read this before I made a fool of myself
You know I’m more than happy to see evidence of what you get up to - for purely scientific purposes obviously
I may scribble in red pen over them “is that all you got!”
You know I love my science, yellow or white coat?
White. It shows up the claret a lot more "
Good choice |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"You know I’m more than happy to see evidence of what you get up to - for purely scientific purposes obviously
I may scribble in red pen over them “is that all you got!”
You’ve sadly taken a very defensive stance. "
Not sure I follow?
Defensive in asking Freda for nudes? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In answer to the OP, there's no particular switch with me. I may be seen as bossy on the forum, but I'm not a dominant or controlling person. I'm sub in the bedroom just because I am. I do not like being pushed around outside of the bedroom one bit.
In my interactions with Doms (the twue ones ) they've sometimes been "in charge" in their daily life but just as often not. |
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I wouldn’t say I’m the opposite. In my everyday life I just have a lot of responsibilities at work and home. I’m someone who is the sensible one and I don’t really ever let go properly and I’m the one who looks after everyone else. I have to take charge sometimes to get things done.
So I guess being submissive is my opportunity to let go of all that and let someone else be in control.
Personality wise though I’m just the same.
Kx |
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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago
Serendipity |
OP - I’ve heard that theory too. I don’t think it’s correct though, I reckon there’s a sliding scale and you’ll be somewhere within that.
I switch so it very much depends on the dynamic of the person/s I’m with.
Having said that, when I’ve had a particularly taxing day, I really do enjoy being spanked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the theory relates sometimes but not 100%. If you're in a managerial role but still answer to a manager above you would they still be considered sub/dom or does it become a switch? xT"
Everybody has to answer to someone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it is a stereotype put about by erotic writers as it creates dramatic tension, and by a few of those that see themselves as dominant because it creates an interesting story.
Behind every stereotype there may be some form of truth, so that some powerful people are submissive in a kink sense, however some powerful people are dominant and there probably far more that are not into kink. That is not forgetting those that switch.
It is the standard answer to most Fab questions: "Some do, some don't, and it depends""
Didn't think about the erotic writers angle to it. That maybe one of the reasons for the stereotype. Another way I think about it is that people are either submissive or dominant. But a submissive being in a position of power really pushes them to act out their kinky fantasies unlike others. |
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"I think it is a stereotype put about by erotic writers as it creates dramatic tension, and by a few of those that see themselves as dominant because it creates an interesting story.
Behind every stereotype there may be some form of truth, so that some powerful people are submissive in a kink sense, however some powerful people are dominant and there probably far more that are not into kink. That is not forgetting those that switch.
It is the standard answer to most Fab questions: "Some do, some don't, and it depends"
Didn't think about the erotic writers angle to it. That maybe one of the reasons for the stereotype. Another way I think about it is that people are either submissive or dominant. But a submissive being in a position of power really pushes them to act out their kinky fantasies unlike others."
What about those who are switches though OP? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I very much agree with _ensual that it is a stereotype. And even if someone is successful and driven doesn't mean they haven't got submissive tendancies in work. I believe it far more nuanced than I'm kick arse all the time outside of the dynamic and a pussy cat inside it. As always I think it's a broad spectrum "
Ya. I have had submissive fantasies right from teenage years. So powerful position did not drive me to it. On the other hand, every once in awhile, I am put in a position to lead and take decisions for various reasons. Every time that happens, I have this irresistible urge to be dominated. Maybe it just increases the urge rather than being a root cause. Agree that there is a broad spectrum to it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP - I’ve heard that theory too. I don’t think it’s correct though, I reckon there’s a sliding scale and you’ll be somewhere within that.
I switch so it very much depends on the dynamic of the person/s I’m with.
Having said that, when I’ve had a particularly taxing day, I really do enjoy being spanked. "
There is no better feeling than falling asleep after a day which started with too much work and ended with lot of spanking  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it is a stereotype put about by erotic writers as it creates dramatic tension, and by a few of those that see themselves as dominant because it creates an interesting story.
Behind every stereotype there may be some form of truth, so that some powerful people are submissive in a kink sense, however some powerful people are dominant and there probably far more that are not into kink. That is not forgetting those that switch.
It is the standard answer to most Fab questions: "Some do, some don't, and it depends"
Didn't think about the erotic writers angle to it. That maybe one of the reasons for the stereotype. Another way I think about it is that people are either submissive or dominant. But a submissive being in a position of power really pushes them to act out their kinky fantasies unlike others.
What about those who are switches though OP? "
Switches have always made me curious. To be honest, I haven't met enough of them to reach a conclusion. I would love to know some aspects of switching. Do switches choose whether to sub or dom based on who they are playing with? Or is it just a matter of mood and they can dominate and submit to the same person depending on how they feel on a particular day? |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Switches have always made me curious. To be honest, I haven't met enough of them to reach a conclusion. I would love to know some aspects of switching. Do switches choose whether to sub or dom based on who they are playing with? Or is it just a matter of mood and they can dominate and submit to the same person depending on how they feel on a particular day?"
Pretty much. It can depend upon who they are doing things with, the kind of activities they are doing or their mood.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Switches have always made me curious. To be honest, I haven't met enough of them to reach a conclusion. I would love to know some aspects of switching. Do switches choose whether to sub or dom based on who they are playing with? Or is it just a matter of mood and they can dominate and submit to the same person depending on how they feel on a particular day?
Pretty much. It can depend upon who they are doing things with, the kind of activities they are doing or their mood.
"
Ya. Now that I think about it, I have seen a couple of bi women profiles where they mentioned they are submissive to men but dominant to women. I have also seen the same person dominating and then turning submissive in the same event. I think it doesn't make sense to overanalyse things and just go with the flow. |
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"I think it is a stereotype put about by erotic writers as it creates dramatic tension, and by a few of those that see themselves as dominant because it creates an interesting story.
Behind every stereotype there may be some form of truth, so that some powerful people are submissive in a kink sense, however some powerful people are dominant and there probably far more that are not into kink. That is not forgetting those that switch.
It is the standard answer to most Fab questions: "Some do, some don't, and it depends"
Didn't think about the erotic writers angle to it. That maybe one of the reasons for the stereotype. Another way I think about it is that people are either submissive or dominant. But a submissive being in a position of power really pushes them to act out their kinky fantasies unlike others.
What about those who are switches though OP?
Switches have always made me curious. To be honest, I haven't met enough of them to reach a conclusion. I would love to know some aspects of switching. Do switches choose whether to sub or dom based on who they are playing with? Or is it just a matter of mood and they can dominate and submit to the same person depending on how they feel on a particular day?"
For me it isn't a choice it's just a feeling that you go with. I can't however, dominate my partner, I have tried out of curiosity, but I start out well, but he knows me too well spots a way in and he soon dominates me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it is a stereotype put about by erotic writers as it creates dramatic tension, and by a few of those that see themselves as dominant because it creates an interesting story.
Behind every stereotype there may be some form of truth, so that some powerful people are submissive in a kink sense, however some powerful people are dominant and there probably far more that are not into kink. That is not forgetting those that switch.
It is the standard answer to most Fab questions: "Some do, some don't, and it depends"
Didn't think about the erotic writers angle to it. That maybe one of the reasons for the stereotype. Another way I think about it is that people are either submissive or dominant. But a submissive being in a position of power really pushes them to act out their kinky fantasies unlike others.
What about those who are switches though OP?
Switches have always made me curious. To be honest, I haven't met enough of them to reach a conclusion. I would love to know some aspects of switching. Do switches choose whether to sub or dom based on who they are playing with? Or is it just a matter of mood and they can dominate and submit to the same person depending on how they feel on a particular day?"
I am a switch although I rarely get to explore my sub side, these days. So by merit of meeting sub ladies, I play off the role of Daddy, Master, Dom, Top or Disciplinarian.
My first kink experience , I ended up dating my GF who was a Domme. I would have play sessions of submissions but by the end of the evening, I would take the dominant position and fulfil my needs as a Dom.
I enjoy the gift of power , control and authority. (Gift Nazis, I care less if you don’t like that term lol)
These days, In my private wank moments I enjoy watching Hotwife, cuckold and Femdom porn. That’s a side that I’ve not explored greatly . I’ve not met the right Domme to submit to. |
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"Do you think the theory of people having opposite character within bedroom and outside has some truth in it?"
Maybe, anything done in the name of sex will be a different behaviour to how one behaves in public as it were |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think it is a stereotype put about by erotic writers as it creates dramatic tension, and by a few of those that see themselves as dominant because it creates an interesting story.
Behind every stereotype there may be some form of truth, so that some powerful people are submissive in a kink sense, however some powerful people are dominant and there probably far more that are not into kink. That is not forgetting those that switch.
It is the standard answer to most Fab questions: "Some do, some don't, and it depends"
Didn't think about the erotic writers angle to it. That maybe one of the reasons for the stereotype. Another way I think about it is that people are either submissive or dominant. But a submissive being in a position of power really pushes them to act out their kinky fantasies unlike others.
What about those who are switches though OP?
Switches have always made me curious. To be honest, I haven't met enough of them to reach a conclusion. I would love to know some aspects of switching. Do switches choose whether to sub or dom based on who they are playing with? Or is it just a matter of mood and they can dominate and submit to the same person depending on how they feel on a particular day?
For me it isn't a choice it's just a feeling that you go with. I can't however, dominate my partner, I have tried out of curiosity, but I start out well, but he knows me too well spots a way in and he soon dominates me "
What you have in your brain is a roulette wheel that goes around and gives out a random number and you behave accordingly.
You and your partner have a sweet dynamic though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think it is a stereotype put about by erotic writers as it creates dramatic tension, and by a few of those that see themselves as dominant because it creates an interesting story.
Behind every stereotype there may be some form of truth, so that some powerful people are submissive in a kink sense, however some powerful people are dominant and there probably far more that are not into kink. That is not forgetting those that switch.
It is the standard answer to most Fab questions: "Some do, some don't, and it depends"
Didn't think about the erotic writers angle to it. That maybe one of the reasons for the stereotype. Another way I think about it is that people are either submissive or dominant. But a submissive being in a position of power really pushes them to act out their kinky fantasies unlike others.
What about those who are switches though OP?
Switches have always made me curious. To be honest, I haven't met enough of them to reach a conclusion. I would love to know some aspects of switching. Do switches choose whether to sub or dom based on who they are playing with? Or is it just a matter of mood and they can dominate and submit to the same person depending on how they feel on a particular day?
I am a switch although I rarely get to explore my sub side, these days. So by merit of meeting sub ladies, I play off the role of Daddy, Master, Dom, Top or Disciplinarian.
My first kink experience , I ended up dating my GF who was a Domme. I would have play sessions of submissions but by the end of the evening, I would take the dominant position and fulfil my needs as a Dom.
I enjoy the gift of power , control and authority. (Gift Nazis, I care less if you don’t like that term lol)
These days, In my private wank moments I enjoy watching Hotwife, cuckold and Femdom porn. That’s a side that I’ve not explored greatly . I’ve not met the right Domme to submit to."
It's interesting how many people can play switch to the same person. I was at a femdom party where a woman dominated me for sometime and suddenly ordered me to spank her. I was downright mortified and just couldn't do it. Luckily she understood and another female domme in the party took my place. But yes. Different people, different experiences. |
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"I think it is a stereotype put about by erotic writers as it creates dramatic tension, and by a few of those that see themselves as dominant because it creates an interesting story.
Behind every stereotype there may be some form of truth, so that some powerful people are submissive in a kink sense, however some powerful people are dominant and there probably far more that are not into kink. That is not forgetting those that switch.
It is the standard answer to most Fab questions: "Some do, some don't, and it depends"
Didn't think about the erotic writers angle to it. That maybe one of the reasons for the stereotype. Another way I think about it is that people are either submissive or dominant. But a submissive being in a position of power really pushes them to act out their kinky fantasies unlike others.
What about those who are switches though OP?
Switches have always made me curious. To be honest, I haven't met enough of them to reach a conclusion. I would love to know some aspects of switching. Do switches choose whether to sub or dom based on who they are playing with? Or is it just a matter of mood and they can dominate and submit to the same person depending on how they feel on a particular day?
For me it isn't a choice it's just a feeling that you go with. I can't however, dominate my partner, I have tried out of curiosity, but I start out well, but he knows me too well spots a way in and he soon dominates me
What you have in your brain is a roulette wheel that goes around and gives out a random number and you behave accordingly.
You and your partner have a sweet dynamic though "
We're very lucky to have each other and click on a BDSM level as well as everyday daily life |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do you think the theory of people having opposite character within bedroom and outside has some truth in it?
Maybe, anything done in the name of sex will be a different behaviour to how one behaves in public as it were "
That's 100% true. Once I accidentally caught a family member watching femdom porn on his laptop. That's the last person in my family who would come to my mind if someone said my family member was into kink. Of course, I had a theory that it runs in my family and tried to guess who it came from and who else could be like that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think it is a stereotype put about by erotic writers as it creates dramatic tension, and by a few of those that see themselves as dominant because it creates an interesting story.
Behind every stereotype there may be some form of truth, so that some powerful people are submissive in a kink sense, however some powerful people are dominant and there probably far more that are not into kink. That is not forgetting those that switch.
It is the standard answer to most Fab questions: "Some do, some don't, and it depends"
Didn't think about the erotic writers angle to it. That maybe one of the reasons for the stereotype. Another way I think about it is that people are either submissive or dominant. But a submissive being in a position of power really pushes them to act out their kinky fantasies unlike others.
What about those who are switches though OP?
Switches have always made me curious. To be honest, I haven't met enough of them to reach a conclusion. I would love to know some aspects of switching. Do switches choose whether to sub or dom based on who they are playing with? Or is it just a matter of mood and they can dominate and submit to the same person depending on how they feel on a particular day?
For me it isn't a choice it's just a feeling that you go with. I can't however, dominate my partner, I have tried out of curiosity, but I start out well, but he knows me too well spots a way in and he soon dominates me
What you have in your brain is a roulette wheel that goes around and gives out a random number and you behave accordingly.
You and your partner have a sweet dynamic though
We're very lucky to have each other and click on a BDSM level as well as everyday daily life "
Congrats on that
It's the kind of partnership most people in the scene find very hard to get. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you think the theory of people having opposite character within bedroom and outside has some truth in it?
Maybe, anything done in the name of sex will be a different behaviour to how one behaves in public as it were "
For me kink and dynamics is far more then sex. Plenty of dynamics I’ve had that wasn’t based on sex. But more about enrichment of experience , emotional needs to be shared or expressed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think some people end up being in charge in life where they did t necessarily plan to be or want to be. And vice versa.
For me I've ended up being the more dominant one in a relationship before and craved it the other way round, especially in the bedroom. After being the one to initiate and take the lead I got to a point where I wanted that the other way round. I love being submissive.
PW |
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"I think some people end up being in charge in life where they did t necessarily plan to be or want to be. And vice versa.
For me I've ended up being the more dominant one in a relationship before and craved it the other way round, especially in the bedroom. After being the one to initiate and take the lead I got to a point where I wanted that the other way round. I love being submissive.
PW "
I love the colour contrasts on your avatar  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think some people end up being in charge in life where they did t necessarily plan to be or want to be. And vice versa.
For me I've ended up being the more dominant one in a relationship before and craved it the other way round, especially in the bedroom. After being the one to initiate and take the lead I got to a point where I wanted that the other way round. I love being submissive.
PW "
Can really relate to that feeling, PW |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think some people end up being in charge in life where they did t necessarily plan to be or want to be. And vice versa.
For me I've ended up being the more dominant one in a relationship before and craved it the other way round, especially in the bedroom. After being the one to initiate and take the lead I got to a point where I wanted that the other way round. I love being submissive.
PW
I love the colour contrasts on your avatar "
Thank you. He certainly had me restrained!
PW |
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"I think some people end up being in charge in life where they did t necessarily plan to be or want to be. And vice versa.
For me I've ended up being the more dominant one in a relationship before and craved it the other way round, especially in the bedroom. After being the one to initiate and take the lead I got to a point where I wanted that the other way round. I love being submissive.
PW
I love the colour contrasts on your avatar
Thank you. He certainly had me restrained!
PW "
Can't say I noticed |
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By *omRachCouple
over a year ago
Wirral |
Hubby speaking here,
In normal everyday life I am very much a confident assertive type - I have trained in boxing gyms and am very much 'one of the lads' but I have a sexually submissive side to myself that I like to come out every once in a while, where a man comes into our sexual space and takes what's mine for a brief period before leaving us and returning to our normal everyday life.
I like that transfer of power feeling where I can escape the every day grind and - for a short while - follow the instructions of another. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s certainly the case with me. My job entails a certain amount of discipline and order. I’m totally different in the bedroom. So much so my colleagues would be so surprised x |
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