FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Orgasms
Orgasms
Jump to: Newest in thread
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? " Rest assured I’d never make you cum, ever ever - not from a lack of desire or effort - so there’s no pressure at all on either of us   | |||
"Totally, and I rarely orgasm on a first meet. It's mostly self-imposed pressure and first meet nerves." Thank the lord it isn't just me I feel like I'm abnormal! | |||
| |||
"No. If it doesn’t happen it doesn’t happen. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it though. " Exactly! The journey is so much fun | |||
| |||
"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? " I struggle to let myself go. I can be loving every second. I usually orgasm alone and with clit stim rather than sex. I'd still rather have sex | |||
| |||
"It is crazily easy to make me cum but different people get different types of orgasm depending on how turned on or tuned in to them I am. " I wish I had this  | |||
"Under pressure yes. But... I don't have sex now (meets again! Darn it) where I feel a bit pressured and am quite good at saying stop. I think sometimes people are so focused on the orgasm, like that's the holy grail you've got to reach and it can make you kind of freeze. Enjoying being with another person/or two/or three even, exploring the sensations you can create together is far sexier than trying to recreate Beginner's Guide to Orgasms 101. If it helps you OP, why not say you enjoy sex and like it no pressure for either party to come? It's a lot easier to switch off and relax into orgasm when it's not at the forefront of both minds." Thank-you, this is great advice x | |||
| |||
| |||
"I rarely cum on a meet but I can still enjoy them. If I do cum then it’s only ever once too. I feel self-conscious when I get messages form guys saying how many times they’ll make me cum etc. I usually just explain all of this to anyone I’m meeting so they don’t have expectations " God me too, it's like some men set out to make you orgasm regardless, which isn't fun  | |||
| |||
"Obviously I’m not a woman but because of anxiety meds I have had this conversation with people before getting down to the sex because I rarely cum these days. I just don’t want them to a) feel disappointed or b) make the sex a mission. " Do you find that your partner feels that they have somehow failed?? I have felt like that with a partner who struggled. I know that's ridiculous as I struggle and still have a great time | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care." I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care." Occasionally I've been with a man who makes it his number one mission to make me orgasm, even when I tell them at the beginning that I probably won't. It's really off-putting as it's all about them feeling like a champion and nothing to do with my pleasure. | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. " Yep. I don't meet those types. They can go fuck a woman who squirts multiple orgasms and screams the street down.. | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. Occasionally I've been with a man who makes it his number one mission to make me orgasm, even when I tell them at the beginning that I probably won't. It's really off-putting as it's all about them feeling like a champion and nothing to do with my pleasure. " Yep | |||
I feel so much better now x | |||
"Obviously I’m not a woman but because of anxiety meds I have had this conversation with people before getting down to the sex because I rarely cum these days. I just don’t want them to a) feel disappointed or b) make the sex a mission. Do you find that your partner feels that they have somehow failed?? I have felt like that with a partner who struggled. I know that's ridiculous as I struggle and still have a great time" I think women feel like that yeah because it’s like- men always cum. Usually when I explain that it’s because of medication they don’t seem to feel bad. But after I explain they often are way more attentive? ‘What can I do for you?’ ‘Are you enjoying this?’ And sex never used to be like that. I think it’s also just that we’ve accepted the idea in society that women not cumming is normal but it’s unheard of for men so maybe that’s why some women feel bad? I genuinely don’t know | |||
| |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. Occasionally I've been with a man who makes it his number one mission to make me orgasm, even when I tell them at the beginning that I probably won't. It's really off-putting as it's all about them feeling like a champion and nothing to do with my pleasure. Yep "Also feels a bit humiliating to me when they say ‘you’re not leaving until you cum’ and then have to give up  | |||
"Not gonna lie, I want the O. " Same! Yeah no pressure on each other blah blah but I rarely get it anyway so would love to actually cum! | |||
those who have the stamina, can make it a leg trembling experience; not that I’ve had many of those... | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. Occasionally I've been with a man who makes it his number one mission to make me orgasm, even when I tell them at the beginning that I probably won't. It's really off-putting as it's all about them feeling like a champion and nothing to do with my pleasure. Yep
Also feels a bit humiliating to me when they say ‘you’re not leaving until you cum’ and then have to give up "Yes! Like.. can you stop cause it ain't happening | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. Occasionally I've been with a man who makes it his number one mission to make me orgasm, even when I tell them at the beginning that I probably won't. It's really off-putting as it's all about them feeling like a champion and nothing to do with my pleasure. Yep
Also feels a bit humiliating to me when they say ‘you’re not leaving until you cum’ and then have to give up "I kick them off way before that point. My libido is dead once they proclaim themselves to be THE FIRST MAN WHO MADE NELL CUM! | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. Occasionally I've been with a man who makes it his number one mission to make me orgasm, even when I tell them at the beginning that I probably won't. It's really off-putting as it's all about them feeling like a champion and nothing to do with my pleasure. Yep
Also feels a bit humiliating to me when they say ‘you’re not leaving until you cum’ and then have to give up
I kick them off way before that point. My libido is dead once they proclaim themselves to be THE FIRST MAN WHO MADE NELL CUM! "LOL preach | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I don't orgasm often with someone, when I do it's normally someone I've been having sex with a while. It's irritating when someone makes it a goal, I just want to enjoy the sex not make it all about the orgasm I'm not going to have. I do squirt most of the time though, but then hate when they make a big deal about it afterwards cos I can do that when I'm on top off a few pumps at the right angle so it's not like a massive achievement and doesn't mean the sex overall was great." Now this is interesting, by the sounds of it a lot of men think they are god after making you squirt. In my experience the men who are relentless with how much they want you to cum are the men who feel insecure | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
 let it go let it gooooo | |||
   | |||
"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? I struggle to let myself go. I can be loving every second. I usually orgasm alone and with clit stim rather than sex. I'd still rather have sex" So you have never had a g spot orgasm 
With a body like yours what a wasted opportunity. Tbf a lot of men don't know how to make a woman orgasm from the g spot, others are too selfish to think about the woman's pleasure. I definitely think you can do it, but you just need someone who knows what to do.
I'm constantly shocked how uptight us Brits still are about sex | |||
| |||
| |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care." Speaking as a man, I would say a lot don't care, men don't seem to have learned much about pleasuring their partners, it's more like a tick box exercise. The best sex for me is when you get to know someone over several encounters, you relax more with each other and understand each others likes/dislikes. | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. Occasionally I've been with a man who makes it his number one mission to make me orgasm, even when I tell them at the beginning that I probably won't. It's really off-putting as it's all about them feeling like a champion and nothing to do with my pleasure. Yep
Also feels a bit humiliating to me when they say ‘you’re not leaving until you cum’ and then have to give up "God that's a sure fire way for a woman not to relax. Clueless morons | |||
| |||
"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? I struggle to let myself go. I can be loving every second. I usually orgasm alone and with clit stim rather than sex. I'd still rather have sex So you have never had a g spot orgasm
With a body like yours what a wasted opportunity. Tbf a lot of men don't know how to make a woman orgasm from the g spot, others are too selfish to think about the woman's pleasure. I definitely think you can do it, but you just need someone who knows what to do.
I'm constantly shocked how uptight us Brits still are about sex"There's always one | |||
| |||
| |||
"Sure if the sex is shit , pressure not so much." I said sorry | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? I struggle to let myself go. I can be loving every second. I usually orgasm alone and with clit stim rather than sex. I'd still rather have sex So you have never had a g spot orgasm
With a body like yours what a wasted opportunity. Tbf a lot of men don't know how to make a woman orgasm from the g spot, others are too selfish to think about the woman's pleasure. I definitely think you can do it, but you just need someone who knows what to do.
I'm constantly shocked how uptight us Brits still are about sex"Oh hurrah! A man telling women how to orgasm. | |||
"It's a little frustrating that every time this topic comes up, there are multiple men on the thread saying saying we've chosen the wrong guys. The implication being that a "real man" could sort us out. Anytime I acknowledge to a potential partner that I struggle, the response is pretty much "you won't struggle with me". Just not getting it. Argh. " 
 | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. " Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. | |||
| |||
| |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum." But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. | |||
| |||
| |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. " That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr | |||
| |||
People seem to think men are robots. Play with their cock for a bit and the will cum. It's not true. Same as it's not easy for all women.
Everyone is different, and the fun should not be solely about the orgasm, it should be about the whole connection, learning each others bodies, and the pleasure we can bring each other. | |||
"Many men have that moto, gona make you cum, multiple orgasms, squirting… for me it’s not really about that. I enjoy the journey and if it happens it will be organically and not because someone thinks they have a magical formula or whatever. " Many women say the same about a blowjob. I've say I only have once, and I'm bombarded with comments saying I've only had shit blowjob then, and they have never failed. Anyone who claims any of these things is just trying to shoe off and get attention for themselves. It's about them, not the people they meet. | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr " I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. | |||
| |||
"I feel for you. Even though I get hard, I often fail to cum too. As a man I feel so much pressure too, especially as many women have outright said they would feel like failures if they didn't make the man cum, or seem to love cum. It's much harder for me to fake it too. I now tell people before a meet that I might not cum as I want them to know it's not their fault, but then I have even been rejected as it wouldn't be fun without cum
People seem to think men are robots. Play with their cock for a bit and the will cum. It's not true. Same as it's not easy for all women.
Everyone is different, and the fun should not be solely about the orgasm, it should be about the whole connection, learning each others bodies, and the pleasure we can bring each other. "I absolutely agree. I do think that the pressure is placed on a guy as well. Often a guy is expected to be reactive and read their partner but a woman talks about their ‘style of blow job’ as a one size fits all arrangement. Are we looking at our partners of any gender as complex organisms which we need to learn or as an individual body part to make orgasm? I’ve lost count of the number of partners that think that just playing with my cock will do the job but the expectation is for me to read their body in micro signals. Shouldn’t the expectation be balanced and we look at each other in the same way, not as a finishing line to cross? | |||
"I think that this thread is a great example of how attitudes affect interactions and dynamics. The mindset of ‘I’m going to make you cum’ can be seen as being a self involved and self esteem based process, it can be seen as a negative aspect. Is it worse than them having a ‘I want to cum’ attitude and not caring about your experience though? I absolutely understand that the pressure to orgasm can prevent that, I have that happen to me too and it’s frustrating at times. At other times I enjoy the journey. I think that pretty much everyone sees orgasms as the intent of sex, if we didn’t, then we wouldn’t masturbate. It’s about the attitude involved and how that’s perceived. I do wonder how much of this is down to the type of dynamics that we seek. If it’s a one off, do we feel comfortable communicating our needs? Are they reading us or following a rote plan because they don’t know us? I do think that the pressure to perform has a lot to do with this, sometimes on fab a person is expected to be great in bed, have stamina, have great skills, make you cum… because that’s what’s expected. Are we having these conversations with potential sexual partners? Are we owning our expectations and personal needs? I can absolutely understand that the pressure from outside is hard to manage because I feel it too but is the blame entirely on the other person for not being psychic to our needs? " | |||
"This whole thread is a great example of the classic Fab binary think. I think/feel this therefore all members of my biological sex think feel the same. Questions and statements like "do men think...?" "women just need to..." etc just make me roll my eyes. Why do we feel this need to generalise to a sex? Some people struggle to cum, some people take not being able to "make" their partner cum as meaning they failed, some people have massive confidence in their ability to give orgasms, others less so. There is no single behaviour discussed on this thread that is unique to either sex. The sooner we all stop thinking of others based on their sex the sooner we will achieve equality in our society. I am constantly puzzled by the fact the the most ardent feminists (of both sexes) don't see the massive cognitive dissonance they display every time they say something like "men/women do/think/feel..." etc. If we want to get gender equality we have to give it. All the time we think in gender stereotypes we cannot complain when others do the same. Mr"
Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'. | |||
"This whole thread is a great example of the classic Fab binary think. I think/feel this therefore all members of my biological sex think feel the same. Questions and statements like "do men think...?" "women just need to..." etc just make me roll my eyes. Why do we feel this need to generalise to a sex? Some people struggle to cum, some people take not being able to "make" their partner cum as meaning they failed, some people have massive confidence in their ability to give orgasms, others less so. There is no single behaviour discussed on this thread that is unique to either sex. The sooner we all stop thinking of others based on their sex the sooner we will achieve equality in our society. I am constantly puzzled by the fact the the most ardent feminists (of both sexes) don't see the massive cognitive dissonance they display every time they say something like "men/women do/think/feel..." etc. If we want to get gender equality we have to give it. All the time we think in gender stereotypes we cannot complain when others do the same. Mr
Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'."Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me. Ie : Women should have the right to choose whatever job they want unless I don’t think it’s right and i see it as degrading to women in which case I’ll campaign to have it banned therefore taking away those women’s rights to choose. | |||
"Obviously I’m not a woman but because of anxiety meds I have had this conversation with people before getting down to the sex because I rarely cum these days. I just don’t want them to a) feel disappointed or b) make the sex a mission. " My meds do the same to me, I rarely cum when playing. Would have been handy 20 odd years ago when I had the natural fitness of youth! | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. " "until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent" Mr | |||
"This whole thread is a great example of the classic Fab binary think. I think/feel this therefore all members of my biological sex think feel the same. Questions and statements like "do men think...?" "women just need to..." etc just make me roll my eyes. Why do we feel this need to generalise to a sex? Some people struggle to cum, some people take not being able to "make" their partner cum as meaning they failed, some people have massive confidence in their ability to give orgasms, others less so. There is no single behaviour discussed on this thread that is unique to either sex. The sooner we all stop thinking of others based on their sex the sooner we will achieve equality in our society. I am constantly puzzled by the fact the the most ardent feminists (of both sexes) don't see the massive cognitive dissonance they display every time they say something like "men/women do/think/feel..." etc. If we want to get gender equality we have to give it. All the time we think in gender stereotypes we cannot complain when others do the same. Mr
Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.
Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.
Ie : Women should have the right to choose whatever job they want unless I don’t think it’s right and i see it as degrading to women in which case I’ll campaign to have it banned therefore taking away those women’s rights to choose. " not all feminists or feminism is the same | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. "until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent" Mr" I believe you! I disagree though. I think any partner has the ability to make me come if we communicate. They just may not have the motivation. | |||
"This whole thread is a great example of the classic Fab binary think. I think/feel this therefore all members of my biological sex think feel the same. Questions and statements like "do men think...?" "women just need to..." etc just make me roll my eyes. Why do we feel this need to generalise to a sex? Some people struggle to cum, some people take not being able to "make" their partner cum as meaning they failed, some people have massive confidence in their ability to give orgasms, others less so. There is no single behaviour discussed on this thread that is unique to either sex. The sooner we all stop thinking of others based on their sex the sooner we will achieve equality in our society. I am constantly puzzled by the fact the the most ardent feminists (of both sexes) don't see the massive cognitive dissonance they display every time they say something like "men/women do/think/feel..." etc. If we want to get gender equality we have to give it. All the time we think in gender stereotypes we cannot complain when others do the same. Mr
Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.
Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.
Ie : Women should have the right to choose whatever job they want unless I don’t think it’s right and i see it as degrading to women in which case I’ll campaign to have it banned therefore taking away those women’s rights to choose. "Er what, Nora?  | |||
"This whole thread is a great example of the classic Fab binary think. I think/feel this therefore all members of my biological sex think feel the same. Questions and statements like "do men think...?" "women just need to..." etc just make me roll my eyes. Why do we feel this need to generalise to a sex? Some people struggle to cum, some people take not being able to "make" their partner cum as meaning they failed, some people have massive confidence in their ability to give orgasms, others less so. There is no single behaviour discussed on this thread that is unique to either sex. The sooner we all stop thinking of others based on their sex the sooner we will achieve equality in our society. I am constantly puzzled by the fact the the most ardent feminists (of both sexes) don't see the massive cognitive dissonance they display every time they say something like "men/women do/think/feel..." etc. If we want to get gender equality we have to give it. All the time we think in gender stereotypes we cannot complain when others do the same. Mr
Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.
Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.
Ie : Women should have the right to choose whatever job they want unless I don’t think it’s right and i see it as degrading to women in which case I’ll campaign to have it banned therefore taking away those women’s rights to choose.
not all feminists or feminism is the same "Absolutely. I see myself as a feminist. However, I hold all people to the same standards. If you wanted be be treated as a individual not as stereotypical representation of your gender, don't promote gender stereotypes. Quite simple really - well, it's simple to say, far far harder to do. Our brains love a stereotype. Mr | |||
| |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. "until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent" Mr I believe you! I disagree though. I think any partner has the ability to make me come if we communicate. They just may not have the motivation. "They're not my words Steve, I was quoting someone else in response to this- "I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though?" The bit I added was quoting a woman saying exactly that - if a partner doesn't have the "ability" it's a deal breaker, ie, it is his failure. Mr | |||
"I feel for you. Even though I get hard, I often fail to cum too. As a man I feel so much pressure too, especially as many women have outright said they would feel like failures if they didn't make the man cum, or seem to love cum. It's much harder for me to fake it too. I now tell people before a meet that I might not cum as I want them to know it's not their fault, but then I have even been rejected as it wouldn't be fun without cum
People seem to think men are robots. Play with their cock for a bit and the will cum. It's not true. Same as it's not easy for all women.
Everyone is different, and the fun should not be solely about the orgasm, it should be about the whole connection, learning each others bodies, and the pleasure we can bring each other.
I absolutely agree.
I do think that the pressure is placed on a guy as well.
Often a guy is expected to be reactive and read their partner but a woman talks about their ‘style of blow job’ as a one size fits all arrangement.
Are we looking at our partners of any gender as complex organisms which we need to learn or as an individual body part to make orgasm?
I’ve lost count of the number of partners that think that just playing with my cock will do the job but the expectation is for me to read their body in micro signals.
Shouldn’t the expectation be balanced and we look at each other in the same way, not as a finishing line to cross? "Hmm. It seems that most people will do the thing that they used on other people to make them come as a starting point. Wont they? If that's what you mean by "style of blowjob"? Wouldn't both sexes do the same? What's missing is that some of us make assumptions about orgasms - that everyone comes easily, that everyone comes from oral, that women come from PIV as easily as men, and of course that the same thing works for everyone. Even in this thread some have said they like fingers in their too and some have said fuck off with the fingers! | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. "until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent" Mr I believe you! I disagree though. I think any partner has the ability to make me come if we communicate. They just may not have the motivation.
They're not my words Steve, I was quoting someone else in response to this-
"I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though?"
The bit I added was quoting a woman saying exactly that - if a partner doesn't have the "ability" it's a deal breaker, ie, it is his failure.
Mr"That was me. Not reading every word of a thread. I will still disagree with that quote. I don't think anyone calling anyone a failure or at least acting/thinking as if they are is very conducive to the sex getting better. Should I have chucked all the men who didn't make me come out of bed? Even though I had a great time and was very turned on? | |||
"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? " Yes. Very much so. | |||
"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? " I will not orgasm during a meet - that is fact. It 100% will not happen. I don’t tell people this as it tends to make them see it as a challenge and I then have to fake it to make it all stop. | |||
| |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. Occasionally I've been with a man who makes it his number one mission to make me orgasm, even when I tell them at the beginning that I probably won't. It's really off-putting as it's all about them feeling like a champion and nothing to do with my pleasure. " Had this with someone recently. He said he couldn’t understand how I wasn’t cumming, that all the other women were driven mad by every stroke and that he never had to “work this hard.” I laughed, put my kit back on, and asked him if he’d ever considered the possibility that “all the other women” were faking it. So, that’s the extreme version of this attitude and yes, it is off-putting. | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Yep. I don't meet those types. They can go fuck a woman who squirts multiple orgasms and screams the street down.." Can you always spot them ahead of time? I’m impressed and wish I could do same. | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. "until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent" Mr I believe you! I disagree though. I think any partner has the ability to make me come if we communicate. They just may not have the motivation.
They're not my words Steve, I was quoting someone else in response to this-
"I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though?"
The bit I added was quoting a woman saying exactly that - if a partner doesn't have the "ability" it's a deal breaker, ie, it is his failure.
Mr
That was me. Not reading every word of a thread. I will still disagree with that quote. I don't think anyone calling anyone a failure or at least acting/thinking as if they are is very conducive to the sex getting better. Should I have chucked all the men who didn't make me come out of bed? Even though I had a great time and was very turned on? "Oh, I personally don't share the attitude expressed in that quote with the quote, nor do I think you should feel it or should chuck anyone out of bed. I was just disagreeing with you when you said "..have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them." and "I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though" Some do. Mr | |||
"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? I will not orgasm during a meet - that is fact. It 100% will not happen. I don’t tell people this as it tends to make them see it as a challenge and I then have to fake it to make it all stop. " Really? I tell them I am very very unlikely to and then their reaction helps me decide if I will meet them. | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. "until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent" Mr I believe you! I disagree though. I think any partner has the ability to make me come if we communicate. They just may not have the motivation.
They're not my words Steve, I was quoting someone else in response to this-
"I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though?"
The bit I added was quoting a woman saying exactly that - if a partner doesn't have the "ability" it's a deal breaker, ie, it is his failure.
Mr
That was me. Not reading every word of a thread. I will still disagree with that quote. I don't think anyone calling anyone a failure or at least acting/thinking as if they are is very conducive to the sex getting better. Should I have chucked all the men who didn't make me come out of bed? Even though I had a great time and was very turned on?
Oh, I personally don't share the attitude expressed in that quote with the quote, nor do I think you should feel it or should chuck anyone out of bed.
I was just disagreeing with you when you said
"..have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them."
and
"I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though"
Some do.
Mr"Yes. Not my view of sex but I don't think I fit with the mainstream here in lots of ways!! | |||
"This whole thread is a great example of the classic Fab binary think. I think/feel this therefore all members of my biological sex think feel the same. Questions and statements like "do men think...?" "women just need to..." etc just make me roll my eyes. Why do we feel this need to generalise to a sex? Some people struggle to cum, some people take not being able to "make" their partner cum as meaning they failed, some people have massive confidence in their ability to give orgasms, others less so. There is no single behaviour discussed on this thread that is unique to either sex. The sooner we all stop thinking of others based on their sex the sooner we will achieve equality in our society. I am constantly puzzled by the fact the the most ardent feminists (of both sexes) don't see the massive cognitive dissonance they display every time they say something like "men/women do/think/feel..." etc. If we want to get gender equality we have to give it. All the time we think in gender stereotypes we cannot complain when others do the same. Mr
Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.
Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.
Ie : Women should have the right to choose whatever job they want unless I don’t think it’s right and i see it as degrading to women in which case I’ll campaign to have it banned therefore taking away those women’s rights to choose. " | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Yep. I don't meet those types. They can go fuck a woman who squirts multiple orgasms and screams the street down.. Can you always spot them ahead of time? I’m impressed and wish I could do same." I tell them I don't have orgasms on meets. Their reaction is always clear. The types who say that I just haven't met the right man yet and they will make me cum 30 times... get binned... | |||
"This whole thread is a great example of the classic Fab binary think. I think/feel this therefore all members of my biological sex think feel the same. Questions and statements like "do men think...?" "women just need to..." etc just make me roll my eyes. Why do we feel this need to generalise to a sex? Some people struggle to cum, some people take not being able to "make" their partner cum as meaning they failed, some people have massive confidence in their ability to give orgasms, others less so. There is no single behaviour discussed on this thread that is unique to either sex. The sooner we all stop thinking of others based on their sex the sooner we will achieve equality in our society. I am constantly puzzled by the fact the the most ardent feminists (of both sexes) don't see the massive cognitive dissonance they display every time they say something like "men/women do/think/feel..." etc. If we want to get gender equality we have to give it. All the time we think in gender stereotypes we cannot complain when others do the same. Mr
Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.
Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.
Ie : Women should have the right to choose whatever job they want unless I don’t think it’s right and i see it as degrading to women in which case I’ll campaign to have it banned therefore taking away those women’s rights to choose.
not all feminists or feminism is the same "The brand of feminism I know from some of my relatives is “What the fuck are any men doing on this planet at all! Get rid of the vermin!” | |||
| |||
| |||
"Obviously I’m not a woman but because of anxiety meds I have had this conversation with people before getting down to the sex because I rarely cum these days. I just don’t want them to a) feel disappointed or b) make the sex a mission. Do you find that your partner feels that they have somehow failed?? I have felt like that with a partner who struggled. I know that's ridiculous as I struggle and still have a great time I think women feel like that yeah because it’s like- men always cum. Usually when I explain that it’s because of medication they don’t seem to feel bad. But after I explain they often are way more attentive? ‘What can I do for you?’ ‘Are you enjoying this?’ And sex never used to be like that. I think it’s also just that we’ve accepted the idea in society that women not cumming is normal but it’s unheard of for men so maybe that’s why some women feel bad? I genuinely don’t know " When I started taking sertraline it made it really hard for me to ejaculate. BUT, and it is a but deserving of being big, I did experience all the endorphin release and actually had multiple climaxes even though I didn’t. After a while of being on the meds that stopped BOO! I’m off them now anyway | |||
| |||
| |||
"I feel for you. Even though I get hard, I often fail to cum too. As a man I feel so much pressure too, especially as many women have outright said they would feel like failures if they didn't make the man cum, or seem to love cum. It's much harder for me to fake it too. I now tell people before a meet that I might not cum as I want them to know it's not their fault, but then I have even been rejected as it wouldn't be fun without cum
People seem to think men are robots. Play with their cock for a bit and the will cum. It's not true. Same as it's not easy for all women.
Everyone is different, and the fun should not be solely about the orgasm, it should be about the whole connection, learning each others bodies, and the pleasure we can bring each other.
I absolutely agree.
I do think that the pressure is placed on a guy as well.
Often a guy is expected to be reactive and read their partner but a woman talks about their ‘style of blow job’ as a one size fits all arrangement.
Are we looking at our partners of any gender as complex organisms which we need to learn or as an individual body part to make orgasm?
I’ve lost count of the number of partners that think that just playing with my cock will do the job but the expectation is for me to read their body in micro signals.
Shouldn’t the expectation be balanced and we look at each other in the same way, not as a finishing line to cross?
Hmm. It seems that most people will do the thing that they used on other people to make them come as a starting point. Wont they? If that's what you mean by "style of blowjob"? Wouldn't both sexes do the same? What's missing is that some of us make assumptions about orgasms - that everyone comes easily, that everyone comes from oral, that women come from PIV as easily as men, and of course that the same thing works for everyone. Even in this thread some have said they like fingers in their too and some have said fuck off with the fingers! "Is it wrong that your talk of fingers reminded me of KitKat?  | |||
| |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. "until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent" Mr" Oh gosh I got quoted and now I feel I need to clarify No man is a failure, christ. That's not language I'd use, or a way I'd want to make someone feel. So genuinely sorry if I articulated my experience in that way. I thought "i" was difficult, and I have held a sense "I" was failing. And i have 100% had relationships where I have accepted that is just how my I am and have simply experienced a revelation through better conversation and connection that wasn't the case. And it is the absense of that conversation and connection that's the deal breaker, not the placement of your fingers. We all need time to learn a body, and spaces without pressure xx | |||
| |||
"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? " No I struggle to orgasm due to lack of sex! | |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. "until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent" Mr Oh gosh I got quoted and now I feel I need to clarify No man is a failure, christ. That's not language I'd use, or a way I'd want to make someone feel. So genuinely sorry if I articulated my experience in that way. I thought "i" was difficult, and I have held a sense "I" was failing. And i have 100% had relationships where I have accepted that is just how my I am and have simply experienced a revelation through better conversation and connection that wasn't the case. And it is the absense of that conversation and connection that's the deal breaker, not the placement of your fingers. We all need time to learn a body, and spaces without pressure xx " I didn't know they were your words, and now that I do I can't imagine you labelling men failures CW. And as always putting things so well! X | |||
"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? I struggle to let myself go. I can be loving every second. I usually orgasm alone and with clit stim rather than sex. I'd still rather have sex So you have never had a g spot orgasm
With a body like yours what a wasted opportunity. Tbf a lot of men don't know how to make a woman orgasm from the g spot, others are too selfish to think about the woman's pleasure. I definitely think you can do it, but you just need someone who knows what to do.
I'm constantly shocked how uptight us Brits still are about sex
There's always one "Lol. Always. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. "until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent" Mr Oh gosh I got quoted and now I feel I need to clarify No man is a failure, christ. That's not language I'd use, or a way I'd want to make someone feel. So genuinely sorry if I articulated my experience in that way. I thought "i" was difficult, and I have held a sense "I" was failing. And i have 100% had relationships where I have accepted that is just how my I am and have simply experienced a revelation through better conversation and connection that wasn't the case. And it is the absense of that conversation and connection that's the deal breaker, not the placement of your fingers. We all need time to learn a body, and spaces without pressure xx " The quote wasn't a form of criticism, it was merely to point out that some people do expect their partners to be able to bring them to orgasm - and there's nothing wrong with that. Whether it's being able to converse and connect that leads to you being able to orgasm or knowing which bits to poke, the point is you expect a partner to be able to help you achieve it and any that doesn't have the ability to do so is gone. I totally get that you can struggle with someone who isn't right for you, that the inability to bring you to orgasm may not be the main issue, but it is clearly an indication that the person isn't compatible. You may well shy away from calling someone a failure but to me the expression "deal breaker" is pretty binary and surely you can see that any potential partner reading your post is going to feel that he needs to be able bring you to orgasm if he wants to be kept around? Mr | |||
| |||
| |||
"Sure if the sex is shit , pressure not so much. I said sorry "Yes but not with cake. | |||
"I think people feel pressure when it's not necessary. The whole point of meeting someone new or having sex with someone new is to feel excitement and a bit of passion. People put too much pressure on it being this 10 hour long session where you all walk away chaffed and sore with more orgasms than you have money in the bank. Communicate any nerves or how you're feeling about the situation, ask what works and what doesn't and accept that sex can be amazing with or without orgasms/shooting. It's supposed to be fun!! " I like this | |||
| |||
"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up. I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care. I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum. But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come. That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone. Mr I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone. "until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent" Mr Oh gosh I got quoted and now I feel I need to clarify No man is a failure, christ. That's not language I'd use, or a way I'd want to make someone feel. So genuinely sorry if I articulated my experience in that way. I thought "i" was difficult, and I have held a sense "I" was failing. And i have 100% had relationships where I have accepted that is just how my I am and have simply experienced a revelation through better conversation and connection that wasn't the case. And it is the absense of that conversation and connection that's the deal breaker, not the placement of your fingers. We all need time to learn a body, and spaces without pressure xx The quote wasn't a form of criticism, it was merely to point out that some people do expect their partners to be able to bring them to orgasm - and there's nothing wrong with that. Whether it's being able to converse and connect that leads to you being able to orgasm or knowing which bits to poke, the point is you expect a partner to be able to help you achieve it and any that doesn't have the ability to do so is gone. I totally get that you can struggle with someone who isn't right for you, that the inability to bring you to orgasm may not be the main issue, but it is clearly an indication that the person isn't compatible. You may well shy away from calling someone a failure but to me the expression "deal breaker" is pretty binary and surely you can see that any potential partner reading your post is going to feel that he needs to be able bring you to orgasm if he wants to be kept around? Mr " Hey P, I think your observation is fair and it is food for thought in how I'm expressing my experience/wants. I def don't always orgasm on meets, but broadly speaking I am seeking mutual pleasure from them and a sense we have good sexual chemistry. That sense of performance pressure, anxiety, and getting in your head comes in many forms, sometimes yourself, sometimes the environment, sometimes the company... it is complex, and nuanced and definitely no one's fault. I am not going to apologies for wanting to minimise that experience for myself. And I'm sure that's what most people want. Easy, natural, pleasurable. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
