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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Hey y’all! It’s been ages since I actually posted (or feels like it has?) How’s everybody been?
So I’ve been having a bit of a rough time the past month or so, and I’ve seem to have noticed a bit of a shift mentally in myself. As I used to love being casual with guys, and be the “fun girl”
Now, not sure if it’s because I’ve got no testosterone in my body so my libido is like 0 or whatever.
Mind u, I can still really really enjoy sex (tho lately it has been with connection and not just .. mindless sex) and love it in the moment, but the before… like when I’m alone. I just can’t seem to crave it.
Can anybody relate?
Also For some personal reasons, I had to sort of recover and isolate myself for the past 10 days at home after going to the hospital, so I’m Not sure if I’m going though a bit of a low grade depression phase or whatever..
But either way, I feel so disassociated with my older self (and I’m sort of badly judging myself for it) and it’s freaking me out! 
Anyway, sending big kisses to all of you  |
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"Hey y’all! It’s been ages since I actually posted (or feels like it has?) How’s everybody been?
So I’ve been having a bit of a rough time the past month or so, and I’ve seem to have noticed a bit of a shift mentally in myself. As I used to love being casual with guys, and be the “fun girl”
Now, not sure if it’s because I’ve got no testosterone in my body so my libido is like 0 or whatever.
Mind u, I can still really really enjoy sex (tho lately it has been with connection and not just .. mindless sex) and love it in the moment, but the before… like when I’m alone. I just can’t seem to crave it.
Can anybody relate?
Also For some personal reasons, I had to sort of recover and isolate myself for the past 10 days at home after going to the hospital, so I’m Not sure if I’m going though a bit of a low grade depression phase or whatever..
But either way, I feel so disassociated with my older self (and I’m sort of badly judging myself for it) and it’s freaking me out!
Anyway, sending big kisses to all of you "
Welcome back, you have been missed.
Do but don't judge yourself, if that makes sense. Look back, reflect, improve if you want to. |
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You're re-evaluating your life which everyone does from time to time. Judging yourself for past actions is pointless, learning from them and deciding how you want things to be in the future is preferable.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hey y’all! It’s been ages since I actually posted (or feels like it has?) How’s everybody been?
So I’ve been having a bit of a rough time the past month or so, and I’ve seem to have noticed a bit of a shift mentally in myself. As I used to love being casual with guys, and be the “fun girl”
Now, not sure if it’s because I’ve got no testosterone in my body so my libido is like 0 or whatever.
Mind u, I can still really really enjoy sex (tho lately it has been with connection and not just .. mindless sex) and love it in the moment, but the before… like when I’m alone. I just can’t seem to crave it.
Can anybody relate?
Also For some personal reasons, I had to sort of recover and isolate myself for the past 10 days at home after going to the hospital, so I’m Not sure if I’m going though a bit of a low grade depression phase or whatever..
But either way, I feel so disassociated with my older self (and I’m sort of badly judging myself for it) and it’s freaking me out!
Anyway, sending big kisses to all of you
Welcome back, you have been missed.
Do but don't judge yourself, if that makes sense. Look back, reflect, improve if you want to."
Aww thanks! X
And yes I don’t know why my mind automatically goes there and thinks that way.
I don’t regret it, it just feels so strange if I sit down with it.
Particularly when I had my crazy binge year like more than a year ago. |
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My sex drive can be very up and down, I had a Mirena coil fitted that played havoc with my moods and I was very low and lost it for months. It’s gone now and I’m slowly getting back to normal but low mood and hormones are definitely linked to sex drive.
It sounds like you’ve got a bit of internal conflict going on between different versions of your self, I hope you can manage to be kind to yourself and accept them all so you can find some peace in it all. You say you’re judging yourself but at the top of your post you used the word ‘fun’ for yourself, which is quite a positive word so I wonder what the conflict is that you’ve got going on there?
Priorities change in life and that’s ok.
Sending love x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yay your back!
I think mst of us have down moments, I go off sex for months!!
Don't over think it or force something that isn't there, just be you. 
"
Yay trying to pop back here and there
I’m glad tho I’m not alone feeling like this and that it happens a lot, and that it can be just a spell/phase
I’m still having some good sex, but it’s just with one individual (tho we agreed no feelings from start) and I don’t seem to need it elsewhere. But even if I didn’t have it, I don’t think I’d want it |
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Hi and great to see you back.
An old fb of mine has really been through the mill mentally, judging herself on how she had sex with so many guys whilst in the moment of casual meets.
She was meeting a guy or two a week and living it at the time but then had a time out and developed the hibbie jibbies about it. I said to her you enjoyed what you was doing back then so just treat it as a past experience, don’t dwell on the past because at the time it was harmless fun.
Must be awful to let the mind play it’s tricks...stay strong, life’s to short to dwell on.
J |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My sex drive can be very up and down, I had a Mirena coil fitted that played havoc with my moods and I was very low and lost it for months. It’s gone now and I’m slowly getting back to normal but low mood and hormones are definitely linked to sex drive.
It sounds like you’ve got a bit of internal conflict going on between different versions of your self, I hope you can manage to be kind to yourself and accept them all so you can find some peace in it all. You say you’re judging yourself but at the top of your post you used the word ‘fun’ for yourself, which is quite a positive word so I wonder what the conflict is that you’ve got going on there?
Priorities change in life and that’s ok.
Sending love x"
I guess maybe I’m going through a bit of an internal conflict and it’s freaking me out a bit at the thought process I’m having in my own head?
I did have fun, back then.. cos it was fun. Would I particularly find it appealing now? Mmm maybe not.
But I wonder if it’s the sex drive being so low making me think this way.
I’ve certainly came to the realisation, that the sex I’ve been having lately was more of a meaning for me to connect with the guy, rather than the actual need of having sex. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi and great to see you back.
An old fb of mine has really been through the mill mentally, judging herself on how she had sex with so many guys whilst in the moment of casual meets.
She was meeting a guy or two a week and living it at the time but then had a time out and developed the hibbie jibbies about it. I said to her you enjoyed what you was doing back then so just treat it as a past experience, don’t dwell on the past because at the time it was harmless fun.
Must be awful to let the mind play it’s tricks...stay strong, life’s to short to dwell on.
J "
Thanks for the welcome back!
That’s how I’m feeling too. I swear it’s very similar to that story.
|
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"Hi and great to see you back.
An old fb of mine has really been through the mill mentally, judging herself on how she had sex with so many guys whilst in the moment of casual meets.
She was meeting a guy or two a week and living it at the time but then had a time out and developed the hibbie jibbies about it. I said to her you enjoyed what you was doing back then so just treat it as a past experience, don’t dwell on the past because at the time it was harmless fun.
Must be awful to let the mind play it’s tricks...stay strong, life’s to short to dwell on.
J
Thanks for the welcome back!
That’s how I’m feeling too. I swear it’s very similar to that story.
"
The meets were fun and what happens back in the moment is how you were feeling at that time.
If your views have changed then so be it, draw a line under that particular period and enjoy who you are and how your enjoying your sex lifestyle now.
Please don’t let the mind get carried away....just shout out FUCK IT and laugh when the demons come  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Welcome back Kylie.
Life is an ongoing drive with many turns , don’t over think it but make sure to keep the topped up from time to time so you keep going and don’t stall x  "
Thanks lovely! X
Definitely trying to keeping it up x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Welcome back!
Maybe you were looking for something during that particular time, like excitement or fulfilling a need?
Maybe now that need has been satisfied you've settled down a bit...just some thoughts
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
It's just 'life'.
I've never known anyone that's permanently happy, content, on a constant buzz and always feeling positive - I'd worry if someone was.
It's totally natural to have ebbs and flows when it comes to sex and any craving or desire for it.
Bodies need a break both physically and mentally every now and then. It's perfectly healthy to have downtime and take a break, and to change your perspective as and when you choose. Nothing wrong with wanting something different either temporarily or permanently.
And definitely nothing wrong with taking a break from here. Jeez - the longest I've had was years!
A |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's just 'life'.
I've never known anyone that's permanently happy, content, on a constant buzz and always feeling positive - I'd worry if someone was.
It's totally natural to have ebbs and flows when it comes to sex and any craving or desire for it.
Bodies need a break both physically and mentally every now and then. It's perfectly healthy to have downtime and take a break, and to change your perspective as and when you choose. Nothing wrong with wanting something different either temporarily or permanently.
And definitely nothing wrong with taking a break from here. Jeez - the longest I've had was years!
A"
Yes I totally understand life is full of ups and downs , but personally speaking without going much into details, this year is very positive as I’ve had a lot of good things happen to me. I guess it’s just been emotionally tough |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"It's just 'life'.
I've never known anyone that's permanently happy, content, on a constant buzz and always feeling positive - I'd worry if someone was.
It's totally natural to have ebbs and flows when it comes to sex and any craving or desire for it.
Bodies need a break both physically and mentally every now and then. It's perfectly healthy to have downtime and take a break, and to change your perspective as and when you choose. Nothing wrong with wanting something different either temporarily or permanently.
And definitely nothing wrong with taking a break from here. Jeez - the longest I've had was years!
A
Yes I totally understand life is full of ups and downs , but personally speaking without going much into details, this year is very positive as I’ve had a lot of good things happen to me. I guess it’s just been emotionally tough "
The really good times can often lead to bigger issues when you feel the slightest bit down. It's a case of going from one extreme state to another, a bit like sub drop or a huge hangover after a cracking night out.
Things can also build up without realising even when things seem great and the smallest trigger can bring all of the negatives out at once.
Nice to see you back but don't ever feel bad for taking 'you time' and prioritising yourself over anything and anyone else. 
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's just 'life'.
I've never known anyone that's permanently happy, content, on a constant buzz and always feeling positive - I'd worry if someone was.
It's totally natural to have ebbs and flows when it comes to sex and any craving or desire for it.
Bodies need a break both physically and mentally every now and then. It's perfectly healthy to have downtime and take a break, and to change your perspective as and when you choose. Nothing wrong with wanting something different either temporarily or permanently.
And definitely nothing wrong with taking a break from here. Jeez - the longest I've had was years!
A
Yes I totally understand life is full of ups and downs , but personally speaking without going much into details, this year is very positive as I’ve had a lot of good things happen to me. I guess it’s just been emotionally tough
The really good times can often lead to bigger issues when you feel the slightest bit down. It's a case of going from one extreme state to another, a bit like sub drop or a huge hangover after a cracking night out.
Things can also build up without realising even when things seem great and the smallest trigger can bring all of the negatives out at once.
Nice to see you back but don't ever feel bad for taking 'you time' and prioritising yourself over anything and anyone else.
A"
This! The sub drop rollercoaster crash. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're perfectly normal "
Kylie don't beat yourself up. There will be ups again.
We can't appreciate the good stuff if there's no bad stuff. 
Get well soon. X |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
I cannot relate much to all the things you mentioned, other than the connection/intimacy aspect of sex. I know now more than ever before that if I am not comfortable going out for drinks/movie/or just chill with a woman without the expectation of sex (every single time), than I don't think I want to have sex with that woman. Especially when meeting someone from fab, there is always that expectation of SEX...but meaningless sex becomes boring very quick...we are human beings, at some point we just want a bit more, something more meaningful...an actual connection with another human being.
Hope you are well...and it's good to see you again |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I cannot relate much to all the things you mentioned, other than the connection/intimacy aspect of sex. I know now more than ever before that if I am not comfortable going out for drinks/movie/or just chill with a woman without the expectation of sex (every single time), than I don't think I want to have sex with that woman. Especially when meeting someone from fab, there is always that expectation of SEX...but meaningless sex becomes boring very quick...we are human beings, at some point we just want a bit more, something more meaningful...an actual connection with another human being.
Hope you are well...and it's good to see you again "
Hey M! I totally get where u are coming from, I guess as it’s fab there’s this huge expectation of sex and performing and being a certain way, maybe?
And yes meaningless sex becomes boring very quick. That’s why I think a good connection beats that, or at least that’s how I find myself at the moment.
Connecting and then sex (if it happens) will be amazing x |
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"Hey y’all! It’s been ages since I actually posted (or feels like it has?) How’s everybody been?
So I’ve been having a bit of a rough time the past month or so, and I’ve seem to have noticed a bit of a shift mentally in myself. As I used to love being casual with guys, and be the “fun girl”
Now, not sure if it’s because I’ve got no testosterone in my body so my libido is like 0 or whatever.
Mind u, I can still really really enjoy sex (tho lately it has been with connection and not just .. mindless sex) and love it in the moment, but the before… like when I’m alone. I just can’t seem to crave it.
Can anybody relate?
Also For some personal reasons, I had to sort of recover and isolate myself for the past 10 days at home after going to the hospital, so I’m Not sure if I’m going though a bit of a low grade depression phase or whatever..
But either way, I feel so disassociated with my older self (and I’m sort of badly judging myself for it) and it’s freaking me out!
Anyway, sending big kisses to all of you "
Welcome back, Kylie - you have been missed, as others have said.
Hope you're feeling ok. While tough, it also sounds perfectly "normal" and relatable to me - you may one day feel like you used to again or not, but either way it's all good. We're beings that evolve, and need/want different things at different times in our lives. No right or wrong path! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It happens Kylie, like others have said you're just resetting yourself. I went on holiday and missed my fwb a lot. Now I'm really nervous that she won't see me in the same way again next time we see each other  |
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Hey welcome back, great to see you posting! Sorry you’ve had to have some medical time out, wishing you a good recovery x
Regarding the thoughts and feelings about previous behaviours, if you were considering some other aspect of your life (to make it non emotive) like shoes or outfits or bars of chocolate or lipsticks, would you feel the same? If a friend approached you with similar concerns about their own actions, what would you say to them?
You can’t change the past and nor do you need to. You’re great as you are now and the past has contributed to that person. Regret nothing x |
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Dunno how much it can relayed since I have a lot of testosterone, but I’ll give it a shot
From the ages of 18-28ish, like most men I was a sex fiend. I’d go on nights out, I’d travel far for dates, I’d put in extra effort with women. Anything to pull.
I’m 31 now and every year that’s died down. I no longer want just mindless sex. I sometimes crave it. But the moment I get it I realise I’m not enjoying it. Suddenly I won’t travel very far for a girl. I don’t want a connection to be too far away. I won’t ignore or put up with the little red flags, they’ll become unbearable in a long term relationship. All things I would have looked past when I just wanted to get my end away
Maybe your reaching that same point. And it took me a while to realise that myself. I’d go out on dates and get confused about why I’m there. I’d get 2 minutes into sex and suddenly realise I wanted to go home. I’d self sabotage myself.
Lots of casual sex is great way to stroke your ego and make those bad feelings of wanting more go away for a while. It’s exciting in the moment. But like any drug, the effect eventually wears off and your faced with the ugly truth. No amount of random sex is going up fill that gaping hole you have in your soul for more. |
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