FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I’m very quick to offer
I’m very quick to offer
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Help to people …
I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.
Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
All to often in the past I’ve casually said in conversation, ‘well I can give you a hand with that when you get round to it’ then later wonder why on Earth I said that and kinda hope they decide not to do whatever the thing was or just forget I offered |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All to often in the past I’ve casually said in conversation, ‘well I can give you a hand with that when you get round to it’ then later wonder why on Earth I said that and kinda hope they decide not to do whatever the thing was or just forget I offered"
I know what you mean. We will have to stop being so nice  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All to often in the past I’ve casually said in conversation, ‘well I can give you a hand with that when you get round to it’ then later wonder why on Earth I said that and kinda hope they decide not to do whatever the thing was or just forget I offered"
How do you get out of it ??  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too"
I need to be slower |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"Help to people …
I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.
Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.
"
I am the same way. Now though, people encounter a visual wall that stops them asking.
I am crap at saying I have changed my mind though even if I have...
C |
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"I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too
I need to be slower "
I learned that the hard way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Help to people …
I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.
Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.
I am the same way. Now though, people encounter a visual wall that stops them asking.
I am crap at saying I have changed my mind though even if I have...
C"
Crap !! Ok  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too
I need to be slower
I learned that the hard way. "
Haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Help to people …
I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.
Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.
"
Just be honest, with those who you initially offered it to. Can’t be unfair if you’re being honest, even if they need your support or help. Things do change. |
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"I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too
I need to be slower
I learned that the hard way.
Haha"
One too many times people took me up on my offer and I found myself doing something I hated or driving somebody somewhere I really didn't want to go. Now I either say nothing or offer help later when I've thought it over. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I love to help and will frequently offer as long as I have the time to spare
Alternatively apart from my inner circle, I never ask for help "
This is someone on my street …. I don’t really know them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Help to people …
I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.
Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.
Just be honest, with those who you initially offered it to. Can’t be unfair if you’re being honest, even if they need your support or help. Things do change."
Yes! Indeed |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too
I need to be slower
I learned that the hard way.
Haha
One too many times people took me up on my offer and I found myself doing something I hated or driving somebody somewhere I really didn't want to go. Now I either say nothing or offer help later when I've thought it over. "
Lesson learnt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only help those i care about usually unless its an emergency
I don’t really know this person … just a person on my street "
in that case id say no help to give |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I only help those i care about usually unless its an emergency
I don’t really know this person … just a person on my street in that case id say no help to give"
 |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
Yes I used to offer help without a second thought, most of the time I would still go through with it even if I changed my mind.
These days I tend not to offer at all and fewer people seem to ask me, even though I would have been happy to help. Wonder if that's a sign of my incompetence? Either way I doubt I could back out if I had changed my mind still.
P |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes I used to offer help without a second thought, most of the time I would still go through with it even if I changed my mind.
These days I tend not to offer at all and fewer people seem to ask me, even though I would have been happy to help. Wonder if that's a sign of my incompetence? Either way I doubt I could back out if I had changed my mind still.
P"
I just tend to say yes, when someone’s struggling |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Help to people …
I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.
Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.
"
In short you should feel fine to tell your friend that you have regrettably changed your mind. And you don’t need to provide a reason. A good friend will not make you feel bad.
Here’s my take on a wonderful book by Prof. Robert Caildini from his book: Influence : science and practice.
Our human conditioning states we must follow through on promises and that we value consistency. It’s how we have evolved in society. However these traits can be used by those to exploit us.
Typically good sales people will get you verbally cornered and we are compelled to obey because it seems like the right thing , but filled with regret and possibly feeling conned afterwards.
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I’m a sucker for people in distress. Strangers or people that I know.
I’ve driven a guy 10 miles back to his car when he’d run out of fuel. Stopped to change the tyre for two young girls. Helped people find their friends at a festival.
Hopefully each of those people appreciated what I did and will pay it forward. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Help to people …
I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.
Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.
In short you should feel fine to tell your friend that you have regrettably changed your mind. And you don’t need to provide a reason. A good friend will not make you feel bad.
Here’s my take on a wonderful book by Prof. Robert Caildini from his book: Influence : science and practice.
Our human conditioning states we must follow through on promises and that we value consistency. It’s how we have evolved in society. However these traits can be used by those to exploit us.
Typically good sales people will get you verbally cornered and we are compelled to obey because it seems like the right thing , but filled with regret and possibly feeling conned afterwards.
"
She’s not even a good friend … I just felt sorry for her |
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"I love to help and will frequently offer as long as I have the time to spare
Alternatively apart from my inner circle, I never ask for help
This is someone on my street …. I don’t really know them"
Then it would be purely whether I was actually able/capable to help |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"I love to help and will frequently offer as long as I have the time to spare
Alternatively apart from my inner circle, I never ask for help "
I never ask for help. I find it impossible to ask
C |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm quick to offer when it is something minor and have the usual grumbles if taken up at an inconvenient time 
When its something major i extend genuine offers, but they take a huge toll on me (ie, letting a recovering homeless alcoholic move in.. What the hell was i thinking)
I have resisted offering my spare room to a Refugee because i also work from home so have the sense to know it would not work for either of us (plus my house is freezing and they would, rightly, want the heating on! ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Help to people …
I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.
Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.
"
I'm exactly the same, but if I've promised to do something I will go through with it. |
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Once you get involved in helping it can become difficult to step back. A couple of times I've had to say it's getting a bit ridiculous, probably a while after it did get ridiculous and I should have said it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Once you get involved in helping it can become difficult to step back. A couple of times I've had to say it's getting a bit ridiculous, probably a while after it did get ridiculous and I should have said it."
I see diplomacy and tact is your strong point. Haha |
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