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Sex and communication
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We all know that effective communication is essential to make sure you get what you want (and don’t get what you don’t want) during sex.
How good at communicating your needs are you and what do you do if you struggle with it? Have you always been good at it or is it something you’ve had to learn and develop or even force yourself to do?
I just can’t do it, it’s a mixture of shyness and not wanting to offend, but I tend to put up with stuff I don’t particularly enjoy and go without what I do want. I know this isn’t healthy and people here will frown on it but I just can’t find a way to do it that I’m comfortable with.
I’d love to hear other people’s experiences x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I discuss what they like and want. If we're not compatible I don't meet them. No point wasting time discussing what I want. I won't do things I don't like, unless it's something small.
For fantasy stuff it gets discussed because we all need to be in agreement and happy. But I tread carefully because often people will say they like X just to get a fuck.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dont take this the wrong way, I dont mean to be insulting, but it sounds like you're only getting half the deal because your lover, or lovers, are not considerate enough.
Post sex conversations about what you like, dont like, would like to try are delightful.
If you have someone you trust, even a friend you're not involved with that way, write a few things down and then share it with them. As they ask the questions ("well what do you mean by slapped?") you'll start to explore it yourself as you try to explain it, then maybe get more comfortable with it over time?
Maybe read literotica and then share the story or even just explain what you liked about the story or theme to someone? |
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"Dont take this the wrong way, I dont mean to be insulting, but it sounds like you're only getting half the deal because your lover, or lovers, are not considerate enough.
Post sex conversations about what you like, dont like, would like to try are delightful.
If you have someone you trust, even a friend you're not involved with that way, write a few things down and then share it with them. As they ask the questions ("well what do you mean by slapped?") you'll start to explore it yourself as you try to explain it, then maybe get more comfortable with it over time?
Maybe read literotica and then share the story or even just explain what you liked about the story or theme to someone?"
Thank you for your thoughts - I wasn’t really asking for advice because I know this is just how I am, I don’t think there are any ways around it, it’s just how I am. If somebody started a conversation with me about sex I’d be horribly
uncomfortable and clam up (excuse the pun). It’s not a case of not knowing what I like or want, I just don’t want to talk about it! There’s clearly some reason but I haven’t reflected enough to work out why I’m like this. I’m guessing it’s to do with not wanting people to think they’re doing things wrong or wanting to put them off. Idk |
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As someone who didn't have sex at all until my mid 20s and followed that up with 15 years of extremely intermittent sexual experience before slipping into a 10 year period of zero sexual contact, I'm certainly no expert in communication.
Just before turning 50 I discovered that not only was it ok to like certain things but that despite my lack of experience I actually knew what I was doing and did it instinctually.
Most of my communication is outside the bedroom but I'm well passed enduring anything when I know there are options.
That's also why I state clearly on my profile that is not just about exploring my own needs but equally important that the other person is comfortable and trusts me enough to have no fears about exploring theirs.
That's why I take the time to chat and get to know the mind before getting to know the body.
It makes communication so much easier. |
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"I discuss what they like and want. If we're not compatible I don't meet them. No point wasting time discussing what I want. I won't do things I don't like, unless it's something small.
For fantasy stuff it gets discussed because we all need to be in agreement and happy. But I tread carefully because often people will say they like X just to get a fuck.
"
I think I used to do more of this, not sure when or why that changed. Off to Google now  |
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its very tricky as a bloke finding out what a woman really wants to do.. its called treading on egg shells. if as you say you wont waste time discussing how do i find out what you want? i have a wide palette of things i like to do. It depends on the lady and the chemistry . i like sensual sex, but i also enjoy hard sex with a bit of bdsm. On some days i like role playing, some days i like to use a hot wife for hubbys cuckolding. Some days i like fuck and go in silence. Never black and white is it.  |
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If not comfortable talking about it, then take control during. It could be a slight wiggle to get them just where you want them, or a guiding hand or picking the position you want.
Don’t settle because you are worried you might upset them. There are two people supposed to be enjoying the moment, if your not do something about it. They won’t change if they aren’t aware. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is my favourite question I've seen so far, because communication is absolutely to great sex and something I've learned over the years, communication isn't just verbal but physical, reading expression body movements even the breathing, who ever I am with its my role to ensure the person I'm with is OK and we are both enjoying it, her pleasure is my pleasure, verbal communication is about confidence and veing comfortable and being with the right person will help you feel those things, sorry for the long read haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've often found it doesn't matter what you speak about beforehand; the man "forgets" and it's all about him and his wants.
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Sorry to say you've not been with the right people, I promise we are all not like this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh, Im excellent. I communicate loads before, during, after...
I even make it a really horny thing to do. I will be lying there going "I love it when you suck my tits like that... please will you bite them a bit... a bit harder.... ooooooh yeeeeeeees! I like it! I like it so much..." and my tone of voice, my breath and my body language is communicating too.
Its so horny, and everyone loves it. And when other people do that for me, its such a turn on. You know that what you are doing is fun for them, so you can relax and stop trying to read their mind and just wnjoy it. Even the act of allowing myself to comunicate what I like through my words and body language helps to make it more erotic for me.
And it works when you are topping too "oh, I like seeing you there underneath me, its so hot when you squirm like that. I just run my fingers ever so gently down your neck and... yes! Its so sexy seeing you respond like that... I really really want to suck your tits... please can I?"
Communication is so so hot! I know it can feel weird to start with, but seriously, if you can get over that hurdle your partners will thank you for it!!   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never been good at it but fortunately the communication I have with my fwb is something I've never experienced before. She has no barrier when it comes to open discussion, no negative thoughts about whatever little fetishes I may/may not have and wants to help me embrace them if she feels comfortable with it herself. She also has a way of helping me find my own sexual boundaries. I have struck gold |
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"I've never been good at it but fortunately the communication I have with my fwb is something I've never experienced before. She has no barrier when it comes to open discussion, no negative thoughts about whatever little fetishes I may/may not have and wants to help me embrace them if she feels comfortable with it herself. She also has a way of helping me find my own sexual boundaries. I have struck gold "
I love this!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am getting better at communicating with partners. I also communicate a lot afterwards or before occasionally during.
Recently someone didn’t listen to me during which was really really awful. And I hate that shit. But I didn’t communicate the best. So I recognise j need to be better or more assertive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be open say your piece. Work with others,hear them out. If you dont ask you dont sometimes get.
I find shyness is sexy. But can land you at the back of the que.
If only people could or others could mind read!
We most assume things,expect things,or feel people should know what to do in certain situations,assumeing yet again. Many are introverted with all their thoughts feelings,desires,passions,lusts etc .
Time to break out. Be calibrated to express things abit more clearly,and be mindful of how you may sound or come across to others.
Some experiences,observations of help.
Peace. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A few years ago, yes this was me. I would literally be mute when we got our clothes off. I could say it all in messages but in person - ridiculously shy. I would open up and get more relaxed once things progressed. And I'd nearly always meet more than once, so I found it easier to say what I liked/didn't like as I trusted him more.
Over time, I did get a little resentful that I wasn't getting more of what I wanted and pissed off with myself for not saying something when he did something to me I didn't much like. And that was on me. So now, I give anyone new a heads up on what I can be like. And I give them "tips" on what works for me and how to get me talking more in bed. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
I think I’m a good communicator.
I make sure to understand what their wants and needs are, what their limits and boundaries are, what they like and don’t like.
Then I ignore it all and do what the fuck I want because I’m in charge |
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"I think I’m a good communicator.
I make sure to understand what their wants and needs are, what their limits and boundaries are, what they like and don’t like.
Then I ignore it all and do what the fuck I want because I’m in charge "
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