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Single/lone parenting
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a single parent with two kids by different dad's. First kids dad a drop out and glad I did it on my own, 2nd kids dad died when she was coming up for 2. Yes it is hard work at times but totally worth it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm use to it.
I've been doing it for over four years. It's never been easy. "
No, but in a way it's all I've ever known.
You just kinda get on with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fellow solo parent here... Dad not involved because of DA.
Practically done it on my own since she was born. It's hard and lonely sometimes but wouldn't change it for the world. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Single parent to 4 here been on my own for 10yrs, although pretty much did it all by myself when I was married.
Oldest 2 no longer at home and fully functioning adults who I am super proud of. Younger 2 are also ace so I do feel very lucky.
The loneliness can be awful at times but just got to get on with it and try and be the best Mum I can.
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The only time I find it hard is if I’m not well, but you’ve just got to get on with it.
I much prefer being a single parent rather than parenting with the other. That’s just someone he sees every other weekend, no parenting unfortunately but that is his choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One day they'll grow up enough for you to get your you time back
The trick is to get to that point and not be too knackered to enjoy it"
Well that's me fucked. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes me and I have been for a very long time.
I’m so used to it now but it can be pretty isolating and lonely but most of the times I wouldn’t have it any other way "
It's terribly isolating isn't it? I don't miss my ex, but I miss sharing the worries and the chores and the decisions. |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"Yes
But I’d rather do this, than do it with him"
Snap, three years on my own without any help from him financially or time wise apart from the odd school holiday, he lives the wonderful single life while I do all the hard work keeping a full time job and home.
It's hard work for sure but my girls are growing up as pretty strong individuals so I wouldn't change it for the world and I'm fortunate I have a good family network here to support me when I need it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes
But I’d rather do this, than do it with him
Snap, three years on my own without any help from him financially or time wise apart from the odd school holiday, he lives the wonderful single life while I do all the hard work keeping a full time job and home.
It's hard work for sure but my girls are growing up as pretty strong individuals so I wouldn't change it for the world and I'm fortunate I have a good family network here to support me when I need it."
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"Single parent to 4 here been on my own for 10yrs, although pretty much did it all by myself when I was married.
Oldest 2 no longer at home and fully functioning adults who I am super proud of. Younger 2 are also ace so I do feel very lucky.
The loneliness can be awful at times but just got to get on with it and try and be the best Mum I can.
"
You deserve a medal after conversations we've had about your kids xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hope it's acceptable for me as a male to join this chat. I have a young son 12 with challenges, he lives with his mum, separated near 6 years. Very involved in his life, great friends with his mum....just sometimes it's difficult for me..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a single parent with two kids by different dad's. First kids dad a drop out and glad I did it on my own, 2nd kids dad died when she was coming up for 2. Yes it is hard work at times but totally worth it "
That does sound very tough  . My kids' dad at least is in the picture and pays maintenance. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm use to it.
I've been doing it for over four years. It's never been easy.
No, but in a way it's all I've ever known.
You just kinda get on with it. "
I am getting on with it. But feeling as though I am totally rubbish at it most days. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have four kids. All four on the autistic spectrum. Maybe that's the hardest bit, I don't know. But for anyone else who has kids with extra needs - I know how much it takes out of you. Exhausting! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm use to it.
I've been doing it for over four years. It's never been easy.
No, but in a way it's all I've ever known.
You just kinda get on with it.
I am getting on with it. But feeling as though I am totally rubbish at it most days. "
Hell no!!
It's hard, it's bloody hard but all single parents do an amazing job.
Are the kids alive?
Fed?
You're doing an amazing job!! |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I'm use to it.
I've been doing it for over four years. It's never been easy.
No, but in a way it's all I've ever known.
You just kinda get on with it.
I am getting on with it. But feeling as though I am totally rubbish at it most days.
Hell no!!
It's hard, it's bloody hard but all single parents do an amazing job.
Are the kids alive?
Fed?
You're doing an amazing job!!"
Exactly.
You are still there and in their life, doing the best you can with what you have.
You may feel you are rubbish some times, but I bet thats not the case  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have four kids. All four on the autistic spectrum. Maybe that's the hardest bit, I don't know. But for anyone else who has kids with extra needs - I know how much it takes out of you. Exhausting!"
I feel for you and totally understand.... |
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I’m a single mama but I’m lucky enough to be surrounded with a support network.
The kid is almost 16 and pretty self reliant. It’s the never ending cost that floors me!
I work with charities and Gingerbread is an amazing resource with support groups for single parent families.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Am a single parent for almost 14 years on my own...has its moments especially when my child is ill and she's also disabled and special needs too! But she's a wee gem! So can't complain ?? xx "
You're allowed to complain!  I'm sure you're doing an amazing job with her. |
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I 100% parent on my own due to DV, have been on my own 6 years now.
My 10yr old has additional needs also which makes it so the more difficult.
I have my Mum over the road if I need some me time but her health is fading so it’s not as easy as it was 6 months ago.
My own health issues are causing problems at the moment too and I’ll be having surgery soon which is always a worry!
I often feel like I’m a shit mum but I know he’s fed, clothed, warm and gets to school.
I actually don’t have other friends in my situation, their exes are all involved somewhere along the lines so it’s really hard to offload and explain why i’m so tired, fed up etc
Pixie |
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We're both lone parents, it's hard. Before we met and still with different challenges now we are a couple. When you have young children and are alone it is lonely and isolating world. That's partly why I found this site to find company and attend to my desires. It's nice to remember what it's like to feel desired even on a no strings basis. But now in a relationship it's not lonely anymore but still hard. Because we want to be together all the time but the distance and lack of freedom due to our family and household responsibilities means we still spend a lot of our time apart and it sucks.
Mr |
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I class myself as a double parent.
For the last nine years since my husband died.
Navigating through grief while trying to raise the kids has been beyond tough.
I do my best but you’re right it’s hard and it’s beyond lonely.
I’ve found as the years go by, the kids birthdays, when they do well at school, special age milestones or proud moments, always have that tinge of sadness that they don’t have their dad there proudly watching on too, and I feel heartbroken he can’t see it all either.
Life just really sucks eggs at times.
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"I'm use to it.
I've been doing it for over four years. It's never been easy.
No, but in a way it's all I've ever known.
You just kinda get on with it.
I am getting on with it. But feeling as though I am totally rubbish at it most days. "
Why? |
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"Anyone else? It's such hard work and feels very lonely too. "
done it for over 16 years... now got my granddaughter full time... and its hard work but not as hard work as a relationship and being a parent
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone else? It's such hard work and feels very lonely too. "
I raised my eldest on my own and now she has her own life I feel the hard work is done, but the lonely moments never end |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I class myself as a double parent.
For the last nine years since my husband died.
Navigating through grief while trying to raise the kids has been beyond tough.
I do my best but you’re right it’s hard and it’s beyond lonely.
I’ve found as the years go by, the kids birthdays, when they do well at school, special age milestones or proud moments, always have that tinge of sadness that they don’t have their dad there proudly watching on too, and I feel heartbroken he can’t see it all either.
Life just really sucks eggs at times.
"
Sending love |
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"I class myself as a double parent.
For the last nine years since my husband died.
Navigating through grief while trying to raise the kids has been beyond tough.
I do my best but you’re right it’s hard and it’s beyond lonely.
I’ve found as the years go by, the kids birthdays, when they do well at school, special age milestones or proud moments, always have that tinge of sadness that they don’t have their dad there proudly watching on too, and I feel heartbroken he can’t see it all either.
Life just really sucks eggs at times.
"
That must be awful for you and I feel your pain but all so different stories you've done an amazing job going through that all alone...big hugs your an inspiration xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I class myself as a double parent.
For the last nine years since my husband died.
Navigating through grief while trying to raise the kids has been beyond tough.
I do my best but you’re right it’s hard and it’s beyond lonely.
I’ve found as the years go by, the kids birthdays, when they do well at school, special age milestones or proud moments, always have that tinge of sadness that they don’t have their dad there proudly watching on too, and I feel heartbroken he can’t see it all either.
Life just really sucks eggs at times.
"
NBVN x |
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"Hope it's acceptable for me as a male to join this chat. I have a young son 12 with challenges, he lives with his mum, separated near 6 years. Very involved in his life, great friends with his mum....just sometimes it's difficult for me..... "
Of course it's acceptable for guys to join the conversation. A single parent can be any type of parent. Gender irrelevant. |
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"I class myself as a double parent.
For the last nine years since my husband died.
Navigating through grief while trying to raise the kids has been beyond tough.
I do my best but you’re right it’s hard and it’s beyond lonely.
I’ve found as the years go by, the kids birthdays, when they do well at school, special age milestones or proud moments, always have that tinge of sadness that they don’t have their dad there proudly watching on too, and I feel heartbroken he can’t see it all either.
Life just really sucks eggs at times.
"
I understand the sadness and heartbreak of watching your children's landmarks. Watching my children get married, grandchildren etc makes me cry. What should be a happy time is always marked by sadness that she's not standing beside me to see what's happening and share in it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find that due to my children staying with me for four nights every two weeks that my life is tidying up after they’ve gone and prepping for the next visit. But it’s always a joy. |
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"I class myself as a double parent.
For the last nine years since my husband died.
Navigating through grief while trying to raise the kids has been beyond tough.
I do my best but you’re right it’s hard and it’s beyond lonely.
I’ve found as the years go by, the kids birthdays, when they do well at school, special age milestones or proud moments, always have that tinge of sadness that they don’t have their dad there proudly watching on too, and I feel heartbroken he can’t see it all either.
Life just really sucks eggs at times.
I understand the sadness and heartbreak of watching your children's landmarks. Watching my children get married, grandchildren etc makes me cry. What should be a happy time is always marked by sadness that she's not standing beside me to see what's happening and share in it"
Just read your comment further up. Raising 9 kids alone, huge admiration for you.
I agree. When my daughter left primary school, her first day of secondary, communion etc.
My son is getting into football now and I go out and play with him which is fun, but I know my husband would’ve loved this time with him |
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"I class myself as a double parent.
For the last nine years since my husband died.
Navigating through grief while trying to raise the kids has been beyond tough.
I do my best but you’re right it’s hard and it’s beyond lonely.
I’ve found as the years go by, the kids birthdays, when they do well at school, special age milestones or proud moments, always have that tinge of sadness that they don’t have their dad there proudly watching on too, and I feel heartbroken he can’t see it all either.
Life just really sucks eggs at times.
I understand the sadness and heartbreak of watching your children's landmarks. Watching my children get married, grandchildren etc makes me cry. What should be a happy time is always marked by sadness that she's not standing beside me to see what's happening and share in it
Just read your comment further up. Raising 9 kids alone, huge admiration for you.
I agree. When my daughter left primary school, her first day of secondary, communion etc.
My son is getting into football now and I go out and play with him which is fun, but I know my husband would’ve loved this time with him "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Single parent to 4 here been on my own for 10yrs, although pretty much did it all by myself when I was married.
Oldest 2 no longer at home and fully functioning adults who I am super proud of. Younger 2 are also ace so I do feel very lucky.
The loneliness can be awful at times but just got to get on with it and try and be the best Mum I can.
You deserve a medal after conversations we've had about your kids xx"
Aww that’s a lovely thing to say thank you! I think each & everyone of us deserves a medal. I guess we all try to do the best we can in whatever the circumstances & hope we get it right most of the time. Xxx |
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"I class myself as a double parent.
For the last nine years since my husband died.
Navigating through grief while trying to raise the kids has been beyond tough.
I do my best but you’re right it’s hard and it’s beyond lonely.
I’ve found as the years go by, the kids birthdays, when they do well at school, special age milestones or proud moments, always have that tinge of sadness that they don’t have their dad there proudly watching on too, and I feel heartbroken he can’t see it all either.
Life just really sucks eggs at times.
I understand the sadness and heartbreak of watching your children's landmarks. Watching my children get married, grandchildren etc makes me cry. What should be a happy time is always marked by sadness that she's not standing beside me to see what's happening and share in it"
Yes me 2 our youngest was 11 when he died the sadest thing she has ever said is who will walk me down the Isle? Tinged with slight bitterness for me as he took his own life! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My son and daughter are 5 and 1 I have them
4-5 nights a week as well as a highly stressful job. Hard work, impossible to date and near impossible to have a social life. But being a parent comes first doesn’t it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How incredibly difficult to lose a partner and have that grief on top of the new responsibility. My ex-partner isn't much but he is around. Full of admiration for what that must take |
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Some amazing posts here. Well done all of you for being so open both about the joys and the challenges and particularly those that come with children with additional needs. I feel very humbled when I hear people talk like this and the amazing effort they put into raising their children despite all the challeges. You are awesome. Stay strong. |
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"I class myself as a double parent.
For the last nine years since my husband died.
Navigating through grief while trying to raise the kids has been beyond tough.
I do my best but you’re right it’s hard and it’s beyond lonely.
I’ve found as the years go by, the kids birthdays, when they do well at school, special age milestones or proud moments, always have that tinge of sadness that they don’t have their dad there proudly watching on too, and I feel heartbroken he can’t see it all either.
Life just really sucks eggs at times.
I understand the sadness and heartbreak of watching your children's landmarks. Watching my children get married, grandchildren etc makes me cry. What should be a happy time is always marked by sadness that she's not standing beside me to see what's happening and share in it
Yes me 2 our youngest was 11 when he died the sadest thing she has ever said is who will walk me down the Isle? Tinged with slight bitterness for me as he took his own life! X"
I can understand why your bitter. One of my daughters went to my wife's grave in her wedding dress and a replica of her bouquet and laid it on her grave before going to the church. My tears were overflowing |
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"Anyone else? It's such hard work and feels very lonely too. "
I’ve been a single parent for almost 10 years now op. It was bloody hard at first but my ex had the kids every other weekend - which helped. He’s drifted out of their life more over the years though - which means I’m now effectively mother and father to them.
My son’s 18 now and my daughter’s nearly 17. Along with their sister who’s 30 they’re my favourite humans and I bloody adore them. I think being a single parent has made the bond between my kids and I stronger - and I’m good with that.
The only negative side is that until recently I was only able to work part time and didn’t have the wherewithal to contribute to a pension - so I’ll be skint when I’m old. Hey ho!
I think society makes it harder for single dads than single mums tbh. The support network seems to be more geared towards single mums than single dads. For instance - many nappy changing facilities seem to be in ladies toilets - and most baby and toddler groups seem to be mother and baby focussed. |
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"Yup. But I have to say in a way it's so much easier.
Biggest plus. No one to undermine my parenting."
This is definitely a plus. They can't play you off with anyone else, one set of rules, no having to debate on what's best. I made all the important decisions about school, health etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I co parent I believe they call it, apparently it's 50/50 but the reality is slightly different with me having them most weekends and during the week. It is lonely, especially as my friends are all back down south, so when the kids aren't with me, that's when it feels very lonely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Silent battles for single parents it appears from reading the threads. I won’t commend you for your work as it is necessary and your responsibility, but I admire the pragmatism displayed in getting on with it. No one should have to do it alone but sometimes fate is cruel by taking one of the parents far too early . And of course, there are occasions the other half didn’t quite measure up and shirked their share of the workload.
My dad brought me up as a lone parent for 5 years whilst working as a Plumber, I appreciate his efforts now, I didn’t realise at the time. I hope your kids reward you by leading good lives as they get older. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yup. But I have to say in a way it's so much easier.
Biggest plus. No one to undermine my parenting.
This is definitely a plus. They can't play you off with anyone else, one set of rules, no having to debate on what's best. I made all the important decisions about school, health etc."
Exactly this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I co parent I believe they call it, apparently it's 50/50 but the reality is slightly different with me having them most weekends and during the week. It is lonely, especially as my friends are all back down south, so when the kids aren't with me, that's when it feels very lonely."
I am with you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone! "
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything! |
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"Anyone else? It's such hard work and feels very lonely too. "
Yeah I am… most folks don’t believe me as I’m a man not a woman, but I took him on the say so of social services may 20 after he disclosed his mother was abusing him. I know have custody of him 24/7. He will not see his mum.
Yes it’s hard and yes sometimes lonely. Easier as he’s growing up but still can’t leave him to pop of to a club so interacting in that respect is very hard.
Luckily have good friends and his hobbies were my hobbies so we have lots in common.
Hope you find someone or something  to cure your loneliness. |
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"2nd kids dad died when she was coming up for 2. Yes it is hard work at times but totally worth it "
Omg I’m really sorry to read this. That must have been horrible for all of you.
Keep up the good work I’m sure your kids appreciate what you do for them.
Good luck on fab too hope you get what you desire. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!"
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first. |
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"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!"
This is the worst thing... It's not the sex, it's not having someone else in the house, it's the affection from someone, the touch... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone else? It's such hard work and feels very lonely too.
Yeah I am… most folks don’t believe me as I’m a man not a woman, but I took him on the say so of social services may 20 after he disclosed his mother was abusing him. I know have custody of him 24/7. He will not see his mum.
Yes it’s hard and yes sometimes lonely. Easier as he’s growing up but still can’t leave him to pop of to a club so interacting in that respect is very hard.
Luckily have good friends and his hobbies were my hobbies so we have lots in common.
Hope you find someone or something to cure your loneliness. "
God your poor son He's lucky you stepped up for him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m not a parent but I’ve got such respect for any single parent. Incredibly challenging for some, particularly those who are isolated or lacking true support from the other parent or family. Loneliness and a lack of ‘me’ time must be challenging for some but even a conversation is helpful. Stay positive and proud where you can be |
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"Anyone else? It's such hard work and feels very lonely too.
Yeah I am… most folks don’t believe me as I’m a man not a woman, but I took him on the say so of social services may 20 after he disclosed his mother was abusing him. I know have custody of him 24/7. He will not see his mum.
Yes it’s hard and yes sometimes lonely. Easier as he’s growing up but still can’t leave him to pop of to a club so interacting in that respect is very hard.
Luckily have good friends and his hobbies were my hobbies so we have lots in common.
Hope you find someone or something to cure your loneliness.
God your poor son He's lucky you stepped up for him. "
Thank you
It also cost £65k in legal fees and nearly 2 years of a court case. That money could have been my sons future or a deposit on a house as I left mine to her so they both had a roof over their heads. You live and learn but life goes on and children need protecting.
We should do a fab single parent day at the coast, all with the kids lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first. "
Kids completely come first & rightly so but I’m not going lie about the resentment I feel towards my ex who only has them 4 nights a month. Has bought a house with his gf, has plenty of kid free time (and privacy) & date night opportunities & can go on holiday (outside of term time) whenever he wants.
I know many men do step up & share parenting responsibilities but in my experience it still feels inequitable. Stability for the kids is important but more often than not it’s the women who bear that responsibility. |
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It's hard, but it's easier without a waste of space head in the picture. I couldn't do it without my family helping out and having them overnight once a fortnight so I can have some time for myself. I don't find it lonely though, I have a lot of friends who I see very regularly. Most of the time I feel really positive about my situation. |
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"It's hard, but it's easier without a waste of space head in the picture. I couldn't do it without my family helping out and having them overnight once a fortnight so I can have some time for myself. I don't find it lonely though, I have a lot of friends who I see very regularly. Most of the time I feel really positive about my situation."
I'm so lucky to have great family, especially my Mum. Without her I wouldn't be able to keep in the employment that keeps a roof over our heads and provides a good life for us (try finding a babysitter who can start at 4am). My ex has the kids every other weekend and part of the school holidays which does help too. Unfortunately I'm normally working antisocial hours over the weekends the kids are away, so still made any form of social life, meeting or dating difficult. Luckily my support network allowed for having an espace from the kids occasionally, including the day my Mum did the school runs and watched the kids so I could go out on my first meet with Mrs Misfit (a day that changed my life). Now this support network allows us time to be together kid free.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good morning definitely agree thankfully the ex is supportive when needed so grateful there, found very hard this last few months with teenage hormones female conflict and decision made a week timeout needed so away next weekend to recharge going alone this scares me but everyone supportive so let’s see hope works |
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I got custody of my children when I split from my ex wife they where 12 10 & twins that where 3 at the time it was difficult at the beginning it was a completely different life for me having to give up working adjusting to being in the house. Don't even ask how many clothes were ruined learning to work the washing machine properly not so much washing machine more the tumble dryer I thought everything could be put in the dryer lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first.
Kids completely come first & rightly so but I’m not going lie about the resentment I feel towards my ex who only has them 4 nights a month. Has bought a house with his gf, has plenty of kid free time (and privacy) & date night opportunities & can go on holiday (outside of term time) whenever he wants.
I know many men do step up & share parenting responsibilities but in my experience it still feels inequitable. Stability for the kids is important but more often than not it’s the women who bear that responsibility."
I do get that resentment. Absolutely. And it is inequitable. But also incredibly sad that so many kids must feel ignored and rejected by their father seeing them so little. Or not at all. I recognise and appreciate present fathers so much now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Been a single parent now for 7 years, two with disabilities and special needs. It’s very isolating and hard to find time to myself. I get very lonely, and worry that I won’t be able to have a full relationship anymore x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first.
Kids completely come first & rightly so but I’m not going lie about the resentment I feel towards my ex who only has them 4 nights a month. Has bought a house with his gf, has plenty of kid free time (and privacy) & date night opportunities & can go on holiday (outside of term time) whenever he wants.
I know many men do step up & share parenting responsibilities but in my experience it still feels inequitable. Stability for the kids is important but more often than not it’s the women who bear that responsibility.
I do get that resentment. Absolutely. And it is inequitable. But also incredibly sad that so many kids must feel ignored and rejected by their father seeing them so little. Or not at all. I recognise and appreciate present fathers so much now. "
I feel sad that my kids have not got a particularly present Dad but I do everything I can to compensate for this and my own Dad has been a great male role model to them. I totally appreciate & celebrate the many present fathers out there! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes
But I’d rather do this, than do it with him
This , although even when he was here I may as well have been a lone parent"
I have to say I don't miss the frustration of trying to persuade someone to engage with their own kids. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Was a single dad for 4 years, youngest was 12 when the wife decided she would leave.
Genuinely hard time, but got thru it with support from friends (family where pretty shit TBH). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first.
Kids completely come first & rightly so but I’m not going lie about the resentment I feel towards my ex who only has them 4 nights a month. Has bought a house with his gf, has plenty of kid free time (and privacy) & date night opportunities & can go on holiday (outside of term time) whenever he wants.
I know many men do step up & share parenting responsibilities but in my experience it still feels inequitable. Stability for the kids is important but more often than not it’s the women who bear that responsibility.
I do get that resentment. Absolutely. And it is inequitable. But also incredibly sad that so many kids must feel ignored and rejected by their father seeing them so little. Or not at all. I recognise and appreciate present fathers so much now. "
Unfortunately my childrens mom is more interested to in how much child support money she can force me to pay than 50/50 parenting. The less time with dad the more money for her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes
But I’d rather do this, than do it with him
This , although even when he was here I may as well have been a lone parent
I have to say I don't miss the frustration of trying to persuade someone to engage with their own kids. "
Mine was more about refusing to back me up with rules for the kids, so he was good cop, I had to be bad cop. Now he’s just Disney dad |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Been a single parent now for 7 years, two with disabilities and special needs. It’s very isolating and hard to find time to myself. I get very lonely, and worry that I won’t be able to have a full relationship anymore x "
Ah, that's so tough. We put our all into our kids, but it's impossible not to want something for ourselves. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first.
Kids completely come first & rightly so but I’m not going lie about the resentment I feel towards my ex who only has them 4 nights a month. Has bought a house with his gf, has plenty of kid free time (and privacy) & date night opportunities & can go on holiday (outside of term time) whenever he wants.
I know many men do step up & share parenting responsibilities but in my experience it still feels inequitable. Stability for the kids is important but more often than not it’s the women who bear that responsibility.
I do get that resentment. Absolutely. And it is inequitable. But also incredibly sad that so many kids must feel ignored and rejected by their father seeing them so little. Or not at all. I recognise and appreciate present fathers so much now.
I feel sad that my kids have not got a particularly present Dad but I do everything I can to compensate for this and my own Dad has been a great male role model to them. I totally appreciate & celebrate the many present fathers out there!"
It makes me sad too. Three of my kids barely see him. His loss as they're great. I have a great male role model in the family too - really helps! |
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"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first. "
Same here. My kids never stay over at their Dad’s now - he decided the first lockdown was the perfect excuse to stop having them over - and never had since. If they’re lucky he takes them to Sunday lunch once in a blue moon.
My kids are amazing (as is the pooch) and I get the occasional hug - but it’s obviously not the same. X |
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I have to say I find it infuriating when I hear about a patent who doesn’t want to be around, doesn’t make an effort with their kids, or leaves it all to the other parent.
Do these people realise what a privilege it is to have kids?? Yes it’s bloody hard, yes it’s tiring - my son is going through ASD assessments and his behaviour can be really tough at times and I struggle a hell of a lot, but these kids are my absolute world!!
I feel so sorry for those kids who feel like the other parent has little or no time for them.
I’d move heaven and earth if I could to bring back the kids dad, they miss him beyond belief.
All he wanted was to watch the kids grow up after a shitty few years with chemo.
That chance was taken from him.
It makes me furious and so sad to know there’s some that just don’t care enough
Here come the tears |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Both of us are separated parents with difficult exes. Hers has major dependability issues and mine has major dependency issues on our kids that is developing in serious mental illness ways.
We both have our kid's a week about and she has hers sporadically more often.
Loneliness is the hardest thing to deal with when we finally get quiet moments and aren't together. We are sooo lucky to have each other though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mum was one and I have lots of friends and cousins who are as well
Chances are you're doing a way better job than you think you are
It is hard so try not to beat yourself up about it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been single parenting almost a year and a half.
Wouldn’t change it for the world , but doing all the shitty chores myself plus working full time does my head in !
But I’m happier and my daughter is happier as a result .
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first.
Kids completely come first & rightly so but I’m not going lie about the resentment I feel towards my ex who only has them 4 nights a month. Has bought a house with his gf, has plenty of kid free time (and privacy) & date night opportunities & can go on holiday (outside of term time) whenever he wants.
I know many men do step up & share parenting responsibilities but in my experience it still feels inequitable. Stability for the kids is important but more often than not it’s the women who bear that responsibility.
I do get that resentment. Absolutely. And it is inequitable. But also incredibly sad that so many kids must feel ignored and rejected by their father seeing them so little. Or not at all. I recognise and appreciate present fathers so much now.
Unfortunately my childrens mom is more interested to in how much child support money she can force me to pay than 50/50 parenting. The less time with dad the more money for her."
That’s awful 
Mine is more interested in spending his money getting pissed than buying simple basics for a 12 year old girls room and then wonders why she doesn’t want to sleep there ( she only stays one night in 14 as it is as she is reluctant to do that )  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first.
Same here. My kids never stay over at their Dad’s now - he decided the first lockdown was the perfect excuse to stop having them over - and never had since. If they’re lucky he takes them to Sunday lunch once in a blue moon.
My kids are amazing (as is the pooch) and I get the occasional hug - but it’s obviously not the same. X"
No, it's not the same.
I cannot understand why a parent wouldn't want to spend time with their kids. My kids annoy me at times and they're demanding - I miss them if they're ever away for a night or two even now they're older. But we need human touch and connection. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first.
Same here. My kids never stay over at their Dad’s now - he decided the first lockdown was the perfect excuse to stop having them over - and never had since. If they’re lucky he takes them to Sunday lunch once in a blue moon.
My kids are amazing (as is the pooch) and I get the occasional hug - but it’s obviously not the same. X
No, it's not the same.
I cannot understand why a parent wouldn't want to spend time with their kids. My kids annoy me at times and they're demanding - I miss them if they're ever away for a night or two even now they're older. But we need human touch and connection. "
Mine have seen their dad for a whole 3 hours since Xmas.
Drinking and fucking other women it seems is more important.
I get the odd night alone and I miss them like crazy!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first.
Same here. My kids never stay over at their Dad’s now - he decided the first lockdown was the perfect excuse to stop having them over - and never had since. If they’re lucky he takes them to Sunday lunch once in a blue moon.
My kids are amazing (as is the pooch) and I get the occasional hug - but it’s obviously not the same. X
No, it's not the same.
I cannot understand why a parent wouldn't want to spend time with their kids. My kids annoy me at times and they're demanding - I miss them if they're ever away for a night or two even now they're older. But we need human touch and connection.
Mine have seen their dad for a whole 3 hours since Xmas.
Drinking and fucking other women it seems is more important.
I get the odd night alone and I miss them like crazy!!"
Mother's curse... |
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I feel lucky that I was only a single parent for about a year and a bit. I was 17 at the time. Mr KC and I have been together since my son was 18 months old so he's known no-one else. We've all lived together since my son was 3. However, my son's natural father regularly failed to visit or phone as agreed. He stopped communicating at all when he was 6 but suddenly parachuted himself back in when he was 14. His father has yet again abandoned him, as a 19yo, at a time in his life when our son was experiencing mental health problems and was incredibly vulnerable. I cannot understand either how a parent of any kind can think it's okay to just randomly pop in and out of their child's life, and that it's okay to just ignore them if things are a bit challenging.
My son and I are incredibly fortunate to have Mr KC, who took on his care as a 17yo youth and has never wavered. He remains a firm feature in my son's adult life and one of his first ports of call for advice etc. |
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I've spent 3 years rebuilding a life after divorce. It's supposed to be 50/50 with my ex wife but somehow I've ended up doing the lions share while she lives her super new life with somebody else's still husband.
I've done OK considering where I started, dragging bank accounts back into the black & keeping them there. I can't cook as such but have fed us 3 on a budget without poisoning anyone so far lol. But lately I've been feeling rather lonely again, perhaps a sign I'm getting over the hurt at long last.
They eat like its going out of fashion, rising prices are a worry on one wage, but I'm managing so far. Hats off to anyone who brings up kids on their own. Yes it's mainly mums left to struggle by absent dads, but for me it's the opposite way round. They do see their mum for meals a couple of evenings & stay over one night a week but otherwise they're with me. Love them to bits but need some me time & an empty house for Gemma. But that empty house means I miss them lots too! I cannot fail here, I have to keep afloat & bring him & her up as best I can but it's exhausting holding down a full time job to pay the mortgage too.
I miss cuddles, someone to talk sense with, that reassurance when I'm uncertain of what to do. Sex I've learned to live without but I'd love to be close to a nice lady again. She just has to be able to deal with my er, slight problem lol.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The loneliness seems to be something that many of us find hard. And at the same time the logistics and cost of childcare make it harder to meet anyone!
I completely agree. The loneliness can be crippling at times. My two who are still at home are teens, so whilst I have more freedom & no need for childcare I now have zero privacy. I can’t have a guy over for dinner or to stay as my kids are up until late. I literally have 4 nights a month where I have a free house.
Because of this it’s hard to build up any kind of connection /relationship where I would be comfortable introducing them into my home with my kids being there. Yet atm I crave cuddles on the sofa more than anything!
No privacy at all. My house is a man-free zone! The last two guys I was seeing - entirely at their homes. It's frustrating isn't it but they come first.
Same here. My kids never stay over at their Dad’s now - he decided the first lockdown was the perfect excuse to stop having them over - and never had since. If they’re lucky he takes them to Sunday lunch once in a blue moon.
My kids are amazing (as is the pooch) and I get the occasional hug - but it’s obviously not the same. X
No, it's not the same.
I cannot understand why a parent wouldn't want to spend time with their kids. My kids annoy me at times and they're demanding - I miss them if they're ever away for a night or two even now they're older. But we need human touch and connection.
Mine have seen their dad for a whole 3 hours since Xmas.
Drinking and fucking other women it seems is more important.
I get the odd night alone and I miss them like crazy!!"
That's not parenting - seeing your kids for a few hours now and again. My kids don't want to spend time with their dad, but he created the situation to be fair. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My mum was one and I have lots of friends and cousins who are as well
Chances are you're doing a way better job than you think you are
It is hard so try not to beat yourself up about it "
I'm very hard on myself, I will acknowledge. I hope I'm doing an ok job. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have to say I find it infuriating when I hear about a patent who doesn’t want to be around, doesn’t make an effort with their kids, or leaves it all to the other parent.
Do these people realise what a privilege it is to have kids?? Yes it’s bloody hard, yes it’s tiring - my son is going through ASD assessments and his behaviour can be really tough at times and I struggle a hell of a lot, but these kids are my absolute world!!
I feel so sorry for those kids who feel like the other parent has little or no time for them.
I’d move heaven and earth if I could to bring back the kids dad, they miss him beyond belief.
All he wanted was to watch the kids grow up after a shitty few years with chemo.
That chance was taken from him.
It makes me furious and so sad to know there’s some that just don’t care enough
Here come the tears "
You and your kids have lost a great deal, I can imagine it's important to have a good cry now and again. The ASD admin is a lot of paperwork and stress too - wishing you all the best with the diagnosis |
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Hats off to all you single parents it’s hard enough doing it with two parents let alone one but it feels like on our own she does days and I do nights so there is always 1of is there but never see each other and only just making ends meet with all the price increases |
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I am, sole parent of 2.
I have full custody of my 2, it’s got easier as they’ve got older and we are happy. Just the loneliness and sadness at times that can be difficult. Always happy to chat to anyone in the same boat. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex is a single mum
I wanted my kids in my life more but she did all she could to prevent that
I always paid maintenance and it was quite a sum
Never missed
Gave them holiday cash, invited them on my holidays with my partner
Distance, three shift working and trying to live a life along with all that sh@@ made it very difficult
I know she criticises me but that’s the direction she took it
Just saying as not all guys want to drop single parenting on a partner they leave |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have and do find it difficult. My sons mother has made no effort to see him for almost a year now.
Saying that whilst it is difficult, infuriating and hard work I wouldn't have it any other way now |
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I may well take you up on that!