FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > More filters
More filters
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Inspired by another thread I had some thoughts this morning. Not intending to offend or start an argument so let’s please keep it civil  .
How would people feel about being able to filter based on race? I used to think ew no way but speaking to people, and reading some other Black people talk about how useful it was for them I wonder if it would be good for a site like fab.
•If this is a bad idea I accept that  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is an interesting thought. Obviously first thought is that there should be no discrimination but we all have different preferences to who we want to meet. Hand size to give an extreme example, though smaller hands do make my penis look bigger 
I guess if it can be done in a way that isn’t racist or derogatory then is there really going to be an issue? I think if it was a search preference rather than being able to block them automatically would work |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don’t search and wouldn’t search on any appearance. I know some do “only want gym fit vwe etc.”. But it’s not for me.
A woman’s skin colour does not make her more desirable just as much as a woman’s boobs size doesn’t. Face. Eyes. Personality all draw me in.
And they are not a search criteria either.
I can see how some would use it if it was available. It’s a good conversation op.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Inspired by another thread I had some thoughts this morning. Not intending to offend or start an argument so let’s please keep it civil .
How would people feel about being able to filter based on race? I used to think ew no way but speaking to people, and reading some other Black people talk about how useful it was for them I wonder if it would be good for a site like fab.
•If this is a bad idea I accept that "
I’d prefer it. Some people want black guys only. I’m not that. I wanna filter those people out |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I used to think ew no way but speaking to people, and reading some other Black people talk about how useful it was for them I wonder if it would be good for a site like fab."
From your experience, how do black people find it useful for them? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I used to think ew no way but speaking to people, and reading some other Black people talk about how useful it was for them I wonder if it would be good for a site like fab.
From your experience, how do black people find it useful for them?"
That was going to be my exact question.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There are two things: the filter (who can message you) and the feed (who you see).
What Fabs needs is some friction to sending messages to new people. Fet has a message request system, for example. And/or a limit to how many messages can be sent. The current system is broken and adding features to a broken system just makes it broken with more features.
I'm wary of adding ethnicity to feed filters, because it provides an easy check-box to include/exclude people based on ethnicity. I understand why e.g. a black person, who gets 95% white people in their feed, might want to see another black person in their feed more often (or, meet more black people). Meeting people with shared experiences is nice, and it's something white people take for granted. But the flip-side is that lots of people will "bubble away" black people. We could quickly land up with a situation where black people could be "erased" from swinging, concentrated more and more into the feeds of people that fetishise black people (mainly, black men) and otherwise sidelined - just at a click.
And you might say "well I don't want to see people who would bubble me away anyway". And, fair enough. But between people that avoid certain ethnicities and people who fetishise them are most people, who don't want to avoid certain ethnicities but also haven't really thought about it. So you give them a lever, and they go "well I'm white so I like white people, and I haven't particularly gone for anyone else before so I won't select those people". Except some people, who go "I really fetishise Asian people". And suddenly you have a highly segregated Fabs, without most people really meaning to do that. Minorities even more disproportionately get attention from people who fetishise them as objects rather than people who fancy them as people, and the majority just kinda have everyone else.. erased.
There are more creative solutions, which would dovetail well with other problems on the site. As an example, as a couple we're interested in single men - but we don't have that on our feed because it would be 90% single men (and 40% sphincter pics ). We'd love a feed that better balances the diversity on display on Fabs - and that could be engineered to balance based on ethnicity too.
There are other solutions, and ideas nobody has thought of yet. But if there's something we've learned from social media (and Fabs is social media!) it's that you can give people the smallest lever and they'll do the worst things with it. Algorithms magnify intentions, including prejudice. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I used to think ew no way but speaking to people, and reading some other Black people talk about how useful it was for them I wonder if it would be good for a site like fab.
From your experience, how do black people find it useful for them?"
From what I’ve heard it’s mostly in areas where Black people find it hard to find other Black People and have said they find it pointless going through hundreds of accounts they’re not interested in to find one that they are. (Talking swipe apps). And I think other stuff people that would be useful on sites like this would be to do with messages receiving messages fetishising or racist ones.
I’m only throwing it out as an idea because I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it. It’s certainly challenged some of my thoughts. Especially considering the nuances of the reasons minoritised groups date within their race for example. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I really like BindtheHeroine's response but don't want to do a thumb to it.
On a personal level, I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. For one, I'd be a nightmare to categorise (unless we fall back to some awful racial profiling that shouldn't exist). There are a few mixed race folk on Fab, would we just be plonked into black? Erasure of racial identity, the lack of clear cut distinctions, increase in fetishizing would all lead to it being a no for me BUT... my experience is different from others. Others may benefit it from. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There are two things: the filter (who can message you) and the feed (who you see).
What Fabs needs is some friction to sending messages to new people. Fet has a message request system, for example. And/or a limit to how many messages can be sent. The current system is broken and adding features to a broken system just makes it broken with more features.
I'm wary of adding ethnicity to feed filters, because it provides an easy check-box to include/exclude people based on ethnicity. I understand why e.g. a black person, who gets 95% white people in their feed, might want to see another black person in their feed more often (or, meet more black people). Meeting people with shared experiences is nice, and it's something white people take for granted. But the flip-side is that lots of people will "bubble away" black people. We could quickly land up with a situation where black people could be "erased" from swinging, concentrated more and more into the feeds of people that fetishise black people (mainly, black men) and otherwise sidelined - just at a click.
And you might say "well I don't want to see people who would bubble me away anyway". And, fair enough. But between people that avoid certain ethnicities and people who fetishise them are most people, who don't want to avoid certain ethnicities but also haven't really thought about it. So you give them a lever, and they go "well I'm white so I like white people, and I haven't particularly gone for anyone else before so I won't select those people". Except some people, who go "I really fetishise Asian people". And suddenly you have a highly segregated Fabs, without most people really meaning to do that. Minorities even more disproportionately get attention from people who fetishise them as objects rather than people who fancy them as people, and the majority just kinda have everyone else.. erased.
There are more creative solutions, which would dovetail well with other problems on the site. As an example, as a couple we're interested in single men - but we don't have that on our feed because it would be 90% single men (and 40% sphincter pics ). We'd love a feed that better balances the diversity on display on Fabs - and that could be engineered to balance based on ethnicity too.
There are other solutions, and ideas nobody has thought of yet. But if there's something we've learned from social media (and Fabs is social media!) it's that you can give people the smallest lever and they'll do the worst things with it. Algorithms magnify intentions, including prejudice."
I think this is a lot of the worries I would have. Although I don’t think there’s risk of Black people getting more messages of fetishisation necessarily than before because it’s also dependent on who they filter out too. In terms of segregating fab, I don’t know. I think the forum should stay the same so that’s good for mixing? And I feel as though I’ve reached a point where in my own opinion, based on experiences on dating apps and on here, I completely understand why some people (particularly Black or Asian) decide that they would rather date within their race after some of their experiences. And I do think for those that wish to do that, what’s the harm in letting them. I think I still have my feelings on race preferences and interrogating them and where they’re coming from and how we apply things to entire races but equally, I don’t care any more about convincing people that not all black people are ugly for example. They can do them. And I’ve seen points from lots of people that reached that point who have said that these filters would be easier in that sense. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Inspired by another thread I had some thoughts this morning. Not intending to offend or start an argument so let’s please keep it civil .
How would people feel about being able to filter based on race? I used to think ew no way but speaking to people, and reading some other Black people talk about how useful it was for them I wonder if it would be good for a site like fab.
•If this is a bad idea I accept that "
I think you can already can’t you ??  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are two things: the filter (who can message you) and the feed (who you see).
What Fabs needs is some friction to sending messages to new people. Fet has a message request system, for example. And/or a limit to how many messages can be sent. The current system is broken and adding features to a broken system just makes it broken with more features.
I'm wary of adding ethnicity to feed filters, because it provides an easy check-box to include/exclude people based on ethnicity. I understand why e.g. a black person, who gets 95% white people in their feed, might want to see another black person in their feed more often (or, meet more black people). Meeting people with shared experiences is nice, and it's something white people take for granted. But the flip-side is that lots of people will "bubble away" black people. We could quickly land up with a situation where black people could be "erased" from swinging, concentrated more and more into the feeds of people that fetishise black people (mainly, black men) and otherwise sidelined - just at a click.
And you might say "well I don't want to see people who would bubble me away anyway". And, fair enough. But between people that avoid certain ethnicities and people who fetishise them are most people, who don't want to avoid certain ethnicities but also haven't really thought about it. So you give them a lever, and they go "well I'm white so I like white people, and I haven't particularly gone for anyone else before so I won't select those people". Except some people, who go "I really fetishise Asian people". And suddenly you have a highly segregated Fabs, without most people really meaning to do that. Minorities even more disproportionately get attention from people who fetishise them as objects rather than people who fancy them as people, and the majority just kinda have everyone else.. erased.
There are more creative solutions, which would dovetail well with other problems on the site. As an example, as a couple we're interested in single men - but we don't have that on our feed because it would be 90% single men (and 40% sphincter pics ). We'd love a feed that better balances the diversity on display on Fabs - and that could be engineered to balance based on ethnicity too.
There are other solutions, and ideas nobody has thought of yet. But if there's something we've learned from social media (and Fabs is social media!) it's that you can give people the smallest lever and they'll do the worst things with it. Algorithms magnify intentions, including prejudice."
Brilliant reply.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I really like BindtheHeroine's response but don't want to do a thumb to it.
On a personal level, I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. For one, I'd be a nightmare to categorise (unless we fall back to some awful racial profiling that shouldn't exist). There are a few mixed race folk on Fab, would we just be plonked into black? Erasure of racial identity, the lack of clear cut distinctions, increase in fetishizing would all lead to it being a no for me BUT... my experience is different from others. Others may benefit it from. "
This is really true. I think generally when we discuss race this is an issue. Especially because of the assumptions about mixed people (that they’re all have a white parent for example or a black parent). I don’t know I think you’re right. It’s complex and I understand why lots of apps took it away. But I also understand the frustration of those that benefitted. It’s easy for me to sit her as well and say these things against when I’m open to meeting people from all racial backgrounds, but for those that aren’t and for those that have problematic experiences as a result, do they just have to suck it up? Idk |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Inspired by another thread I had some thoughts this morning. Not intending to offend or start an argument so let’s please keep it civil .
How would people feel about being able to filter based on race? I used to think ew no way but speaking to people, and reading some other Black people talk about how useful it was for them I wonder if it would be good for a site like fab.
•If this is a bad idea I accept that
I think you can already can’t you ?? "
You can’t. I think you can only search for people of different races? You can’t actually filter them out from messaging you or appearing in your feeds etc. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don’t search and wouldn’t search on any appearance. I know some do “only want gym fit vwe etc.”. But it’s not for me.
A woman’s skin colour does not make her more desirable just as much as a woman’s boobs size doesn’t. Face. Eyes. Personality all draw me in.
And they are not a search criteria either.
I can see how some would use it if it was available. It’s a good conversation op. "
Yeah it’s a tough one I think.
I do think race is particular and different to some of the things people compare it to like weight or like height. But yeah. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are two things: the filter (who can message you) and the feed (who you see).
What Fabs needs is some friction to sending messages to new people. Fet has a message request system, for example. And/or a limit to how many messages can be sent. The current system is broken and adding features to a broken system just makes it broken with more features.
I'm wary of adding ethnicity to feed filters, because it provides an easy check-box to include/exclude people based on ethnicity. I understand why e.g. a black person, who gets 95% white people in their feed, might want to see another black person in their feed more often (or, meet more black people). Meeting people with shared experiences is nice, and it's something white people take for granted. But the flip-side is that lots of people will "bubble away" black people. We could quickly land up with a situation where black people could be "erased" from swinging, concentrated more and more into the feeds of people that fetishise black people (mainly, black men) and otherwise sidelined - just at a click.
And you might say "well I don't want to see people who would bubble me away anyway". And, fair enough. But between people that avoid certain ethnicities and people who fetishise them are most people, who don't want to avoid certain ethnicities but also haven't really thought about it. So you give them a lever, and they go "well I'm white so I like white people, and I haven't particularly gone for anyone else before so I won't select those people". Except some people, who go "I really fetishise Asian people". And suddenly you have a highly segregated Fabs, without most people really meaning to do that. Minorities even more disproportionately get attention from people who fetishise them as objects rather than people who fancy them as people, and the majority just kinda have everyone else.. erased.
There are more creative solutions, which would dovetail well with other problems on the site. As an example, as a couple we're interested in single men - but we don't have that on our feed because it would be 90% single men (and 40% sphincter pics ). We'd love a feed that better balances the diversity on display on Fabs - and that could be engineered to balance based on ethnicity too.
There are other solutions, and ideas nobody has thought of yet. But if there's something we've learned from social media (and Fabs is social media!) it's that you can give people the smallest lever and they'll do the worst things with it. Algorithms magnify intentions, including prejudice."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Inspired by another thread I had some thoughts this morning. Not intending to offend or start an argument so let’s please keep it civil .
How would people feel about being able to filter based on race? I used to think ew no way but speaking to people, and reading some other Black people talk about how useful it was for them I wonder if it would be good for a site like fab.
•If this is a bad idea I accept that
I’d prefer it. Some people want black guys only. I’m not that. I wanna filter those people out "
Yeah and tbf I feel the same about those not looking for black guys. As fab isn’ta swiping app I think it would be fairly useful in that specific sense at least. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are two things: the filter (who can message you) and the feed (who you see).
What Fabs needs is some friction to sending messages to new people. Fet has a message request system, for example. And/or a limit to how many messages can be sent. The current system is broken and adding features to a broken system just makes it broken with more features.
I'm wary of adding ethnicity to feed filters, because it provides an easy check-box to include/exclude people based on ethnicity. I understand why e.g. a black person, who gets 95% white people in their feed, might want to see another black person in their feed more often (or, meet more black people). Meeting people with shared experiences is nice, and it's something white people take for granted. But the flip-side is that lots of people will "bubble away" black people. We could quickly land up with a situation where black people could be "erased" from swinging, concentrated more and more into the feeds of people that fetishise black people (mainly, black men) and otherwise sidelined - just at a click.
And you might say "well I don't want to see people who would bubble me away anyway". And, fair enough. But between people that avoid certain ethnicities and people who fetishise them are most people, who don't want to avoid certain ethnicities but also haven't really thought about it. So you give them a lever, and they go "well I'm white so I like white people, and I haven't particularly gone for anyone else before so I won't select those people". Except some people, who go "I really fetishise Asian people". And suddenly you have a highly segregated Fabs, without most people really meaning to do that. Minorities even more disproportionately get attention from people who fetishise them as objects rather than people who fancy them as people, and the majority just kinda have everyone else.. erased.
There are more creative solutions, which would dovetail well with other problems on the site. As an example, as a couple we're interested in single men - but we don't have that on our feed because it would be 90% single men (and 40% sphincter pics ). We'd love a feed that better balances the diversity on display on Fabs - and that could be engineered to balance based on ethnicity too.
There are other solutions, and ideas nobody has thought of yet. But if there's something we've learned from social media (and Fabs is social media!) it's that you can give people the smallest lever and they'll do the worst things with it. Algorithms magnify intentions, including prejudice."
Absolutely love this reply and completely agree. I wish I was able to put my point across in such an insightful and eloquent way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Bear in mind that only a small subset of people participate on the forums - many don't know it's here, and of that many find it incomprehensible and too hard to engage in. It's also quite a nasty place in many regards, so you either need a thick skin or not be someone who needs a thick skin. Especially for people who are open and exploring their sexuality it can be intimidating, because by definition to do that you need to be open to new experiences.
Thinking about it, the most obvious solution is to have "groups" that people can join. Then within that group you can have a feed, a forum and membership gatekeeping. It's not a perfect solution (whoever runs the group can still be an ass) but it means people can define a group and build a community around their interests. And it would still be something people need to go to without it becoming their whole experience. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Difficult one. Instinctively you want to say no, don't you, and I personally don't need that function, but I actually think it could/would be helpful.
If nothing else it would stop people having to express their preferences so negatively on their profiles (well within their right, but which can be wearying to read for those on the receiving end. This is also true for lots of other preferences expressed negatively), if they knew they had already blocked people from races they're not interested in from messaging them. And in terms of searches - yes, why not have a feature that brings up people you might be most attracted to, though I see that does nothing to address the fetishisation problem (which I'm not affected by), and could indeed make it worse... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think that would come across as a form of racism. Coloured or Asian isn’t for me, but I just politely say no thanks not my type. But that’s not to say I’ve never had a coloured BF before because I have.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I used to see this issue as really straightforward but I do think it’s more complex particularly from races that are minorities on this site. I completely get why they’d want to filter based on race from at least a protection stand point. And especially when I consider that though this is a swinging site, it’s used for Fwb situations and also for dating, I think race and shared experiences and understanding is important. I’m thinking for example about some things I read about partners and their support regarding racism etc. idk if I’m making points that others might not see as relevant but I think all these things factor in to whether these filters are useful anyway. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think that would come across as a form of racism. Coloured or Asian isn’t for me, but I just politely say no thanks not my type. But that’s not to say I’ve never had a coloured BF before because I have. "
Fair. I also wouldn’t say ‘coloured’ generally because some may find it offensive but I know what you meant. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Difficult one. Instinctively you want to say no, don't you, and I personally don't need that function, but I actually think it could/would be helpful.
If nothing else it would stop people having to express their preferences so negatively on their profiles (well within their right, but which can be wearying to read for those on the receiving end. This is also true for lots of other preferences expressed negatively), if they knew they had already blocked people from races they're not interested in from messaging them. And in terms of searches - yes, why not have a feature that brings up people you might be most attracted to, though I see that does nothing to address the fetishisation problem (which I'm not affected by), and could indeed make it worse..."
Yeah exactly. My initial thought was ew no but then thought about it and thought maybe it’s not as simple as I made out. Also I think I agree for message filters it’s useful and search filters it’s already an option on here. But I think to cut the fetishisation stuff it can work hand in hand if someone can block based on race and prevent those messages coming through. Even for a time like when women block men for a time because it’s exhausting and sometimes a bit shit to read. And also yes- stops the weird notices on profiles that sometimes read like something from the 50s/60s. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Bear in mind that only a small subset of people participate on the forums - many don't know it's here, and of that many find it incomprehensible and too hard to engage in. It's also quite a nasty place in many regards, so you either need a thick skin or not be someone who needs a thick skin. Especially for people who are open and exploring their sexuality it can be intimidating, because by definition to do that you need to be open to new experiences.
Thinking about it, the most obvious solution is to have "groups" that people can join. Then within that group you can have a feed, a forum and membership gatekeeping. It's not a perfect solution (whoever runs the group can still be an ass) but it means people can define a group and build a community around their interests. And it would still be something people need to go to without it becoming their whole experience."
I do hear your points and I agree with a lot of them. But I think this feature would be mostly beneficial to people of colour and if you have message filters along with search filters for example it just makes it a space that you can use safely (for some). And I think we don’t often consider the impact of those things on individuals when we have these conversations. And we (myself included) want to show how progressive we are by finding everyone attractive but ultimately, I do see that it could do more good than bad? Certainly listening to Black people’s experiences on apps like Grindr, many have said they much preferred the filter when it was there. And it got me to interrogate my own thoughts on it.
And to use my own experience for a moment, I do find on swiping apps and on fab, even living in London, it’s sometimes way more difficult than I find people of the same race as you without filters (again fine because I’m open to everyone but not fine for someone (particularly people of colour) looking for people of their own race. Idk it’s complex is where I think I land on it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Good luck with that.
Theres been numerous attempts over the years to get BDSM stuff categorised as more than SM- always falls on deaf ears"
Oh that would be nice, wouldn't it? Although I suspect there would still be abuse aimed at individuals. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bear in mind that only a small subset of people participate on the forums - many don't know it's here, and of that many find it incomprehensible and too hard to engage in. It's also quite a nasty place in many regards, so you either need a thick skin or not be someone who needs a thick skin. Especially for people who are open and exploring their sexuality it can be intimidating, because by definition to do that you need to be open to new experiences.
Thinking about it, the most obvious solution is to have "groups" that people can join. Then within that group you can have a feed, a forum and membership gatekeeping. It's not a perfect solution (whoever runs the group can still be an ass) but it means people can define a group and build a community around their interests. And it would still be something people need to go to without it becoming their whole experience.
I do hear your points and I agree with a lot of them. But I think this feature would be mostly beneficial to people of colour and if you have message filters along with search filters for example it just makes it a space that you can use safely (for some). And I think we don’t often consider the impact of those things on individuals when we have these conversations. And we (myself included) want to show how progressive we are by finding everyone attractive but ultimately, I do see that it could do more good than bad? Certainly listening to Black people’s experiences on apps like Grindr, many have said they much preferred the filter when it was there. And it got me to interrogate my own thoughts on it.
And to use my own experience for a moment, I do find on swiping apps and on fab, even living in London, it’s sometimes way more difficult than I find people of the same race as you without filters (again fine because I’m open to everyone but not fine for someone (particularly people of colour) looking for people of their own race. Idk it’s complex is where I think I land on it. "
I've never considered if from that perspective, Steve. I would never use those filters but if the options would be helpful for some people - by all means I'd support them. Unfortunately I don't think adding any new features to Fab is a priority here from what I've seen. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I do hear your points and I agree with a lot of them. But I think this feature would be mostly beneficial to people of colour and if you have message filters along with search filters for example it just makes it a space that you can use safely (for some). And I think we don’t often consider the impact of those things on individuals when we have these conversations. And we (myself included) want to show how progressive we are by finding everyone attractive but ultimately, I do see that it could do more good than bad? Certainly listening to Black people’s experiences on apps like Grindr, many have said they much preferred the filter when it was there. And it got me to interrogate my own thoughts on it.
And to use my own experience for a moment, I do find on swiping apps and on fab, even living in London, it’s sometimes way more difficult than I find people of the same race as you without filters (again fine because I’m open to everyone but not fine for someone (particularly people of colour) looking for people of their own race. Idk it’s complex is where I think I land on it. "
Well bear in mind that neither of us want to be found in any searches that classify us by ethnicity. Even amongst black people, attitudes differ - and as you work across different ethnicities and cultures you'll find that many people feel more comfortable being kept AWAY from the culture their ethnicity is traditionally associated with (doesn't take too much imagination to realise why someone wouldn't want to appear in a search for Arab women on a swingers site, for example).
It's a really complex topic, but it's not about pushing progressiveness. Tools have the capacity for help and harm. I'd imagine Grindr probably realised that being able to search for the intersection of two minorities in an area put those people in the path of some very significant harm. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I do hear your points and I agree with a lot of them. But I think this feature would be mostly beneficial to people of colour and if you have message filters along with search filters for example it just makes it a space that you can use safely (for some). And I think we don’t often consider the impact of those things on individuals when we have these conversations. And we (myself included) want to show how progressive we are by finding everyone attractive but ultimately, I do see that it could do more good than bad? Certainly listening to Black people’s experiences on apps like Grindr, many have said they much preferred the filter when it was there. And it got me to interrogate my own thoughts on it.
And to use my own experience for a moment, I do find on swiping apps and on fab, even living in London, it’s sometimes way more difficult than I find people of the same race as you without filters (again fine because I’m open to everyone but not fine for someone (particularly people of colour) looking for people of their own race. Idk it’s complex is where I think I land on it.
Well bear in mind that neither of us want to be found in any searches that classify us by ethnicity. Even amongst black people, attitudes differ - and as you work across different ethnicities and cultures you'll find that many people feel more comfortable being kept AWAY from the culture their ethnicity is traditionally associated with (doesn't take too much imagination to realise why someone wouldn't want to appear in a search for Arab women on a swingers site, for example).
It's a really complex topic, but it's not about pushing progressiveness. Tools have the capacity for help and harm. I'd imagine Grindr probably realised that being able to search for the intersection of two minorities in an area put those people in the path of some very significant harm."
You speak a lot of sense. Not something I think very often on here. I’ve enjoyed reading some of your comments on different things lately |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Inspired by another thread I had some thoughts this morning. Not intending to offend or start an argument so let’s please keep it civil .
How would people feel about being able to filter based on race? I used to think ew no way but speaking to people, and reading some other Black people talk about how useful it was for them I wonder if it would be good for a site like fab.
•If this is a bad idea I accept that
I’d prefer it. Some people want black guys only. I’m not that. I wanna filter those people out "
amongst others too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Inspired by another thread I had some thoughts this morning. Not intending to offend or start an argument so let’s please keep it civil .
How would people feel about being able to filter based on race? I used to think ew no way but speaking to people, and reading some other Black people talk about how useful it was for them I wonder if it would be good for a site like fab.
•If this is a bad idea I accept that "
It's not something I'd used myself. But I can appreciate that I'm not from a minority group and therefore if it could be useful to black people looking to connect with others then yeah, why not. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think that would come across as a form of racism. Coloured or Asian isn’t for me, but I just politely say no thanks not my type. But that’s not to say I’ve never had a coloured BF before because I have.
Fair. I also wouldn’t say ‘coloured’ generally because some may find it offensive but I know what you meant. "
What would you prefer me to say? “Black” that’s deemed even more offensive than “coloured” jeez things are bad if you can’t say anything without worrying about offending someone! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think that would come across as a form of racism. Coloured or Asian isn’t for me, but I just politely say no thanks not my type. But that’s not to say I’ve never had a coloured BF before because I have.
Fair. I also wouldn’t say ‘coloured’ generally because some may find it offensive but I know what you meant.
What would you prefer me to say? “Black” that’s deemed even more offensive than “coloured” jeez things are bad if you can’t say anything without worrying about offending someone! "
Yes black. Coloured has been offensive for years. People are not coloured. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are two things: the filter (who can message you) and the feed (who you see).
What Fabs needs is some friction to sending messages to new people. Fet has a message request system, for example. And/or a limit to how many messages can be sent. The current system is broken and adding features to a broken system just makes it broken with more features.
I'm wary of adding ethnicity to feed filters, because it provides an easy check-box to include/exclude people based on ethnicity. I understand why e.g. a black person, who gets 95% white people in their feed, might want to see another black person in their feed more often (or, meet more black people). Meeting people with shared experiences is nice, and it's something white people take for granted. But the flip-side is that lots of people will "bubble away" black people. We could quickly land up with a situation where black people could be "erased" from swinging, concentrated more and more into the feeds of people that fetishise black people (mainly, black men) and otherwise sidelined - just at a click.
And you might say "well I don't want to see people who would bubble me away anyway". And, fair enough. But between people that avoid certain ethnicities and people who fetishise them are most people, who don't want to avoid certain ethnicities but also haven't really thought about it. So you give them a lever, and they go "well I'm white so I like white people, and I haven't particularly gone for anyone else before so I won't select those people". Except some people, who go "I really fetishise Asian people". And suddenly you have a highly segregated Fabs, without most people really meaning to do that. Minorities even more disproportionately get attention from people who fetishise them as objects rather than people who fancy them as people, and the majority just kinda have everyone else.. erased.
There are more creative solutions, which would dovetail well with other problems on the site. As an example, as a couple we're interested in single men - but we don't have that on our feed because it would be 90% single men (and 40% sphincter pics ). We'd love a feed that better balances the diversity on display on Fabs - and that could be engineered to balance based on ethnicity too.
There are other solutions, and ideas nobody has thought of yet. But if there's something we've learned from social media (and Fabs is social media!) it's that you can give people the smallest lever and they'll do the worst things with it. Algorithms magnify intentions, including prejudice."
Truely qla very deep and complex matter at hand we have here.
Thinking away at many ways of inclusively engageing with many and all.
We await for some solitions. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"I think that would come across as a form of racism. Coloured or Asian isn’t for me, but I just politely say no thanks not my type. But that’s not to say I’ve never had a coloured BF before because I have.
Fair. I also wouldn’t say ‘coloured’ generally because some may find it offensive but I know what you meant.
What would you prefer me to say? “Black” that’s deemed even more offensive than “coloured” jeez things are bad if you can’t say anything without worrying about offending someone! "
Are you not open to learning? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Difficult one. Instinctively you want to say no, don't you, and I personally don't need that function, but I actually think it could/would be helpful.
If nothing else it would stop people having to express their preferences so negatively on their profiles (well within their right, but which can be wearying to read for those on the receiving end. This is also true for lots of other preferences expressed negatively), if they knew they had already blocked people from races they're not interested in from messaging them. And in terms of searches - yes, why not have a feature that brings up people you might be most attracted to, though I see that does nothing to address the fetishisation problem (which I'm not affected by), and could indeed make it worse...
Yeah exactly. My initial thought was ew no but then thought about it and thought maybe it’s not as simple as I made out. Also I think I agree for message filters it’s useful and search filters it’s already an option on here. But I think to cut the fetishisation stuff it can work hand in hand if someone can block based on race and prevent those messages coming through. Even for a time like when women block men for a time because it’s exhausting and sometimes a bit shit to read. And also yes- stops the weird notices on profiles that sometimes read like something from the 50s/60s. "
I'd forgotten it's already a search option (I don't really use that), so maybe I'm misunderstanding your filter point if you can already use that to find people of the same race? But I think it would be helpful if people could discreetly block messages from groups of people. It saves time, and those weird notices. Ultimately I think my answer is "I don't know", which is helpful. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think that would come across as a form of racism. Coloured or Asian isn’t for me, but I just politely say no thanks not my type. But that’s not to say I’ve never had a coloured BF before because I have.
Fair. I also wouldn’t say ‘coloured’ generally because some may find it
offensive but I know what you meant.
What would you prefer me to say? “Black” that’s deemed even more offensive than “coloured” jeez things are bad if you can’t say anything without worrying about offending someone!
Yes black. Coloured has been offensive for years. People are not coloured. "
Unless they're POC? This is just the euphemism treadmill at work.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don’t know about having a filter for races. I think swingers get enough bad press without people finding out they filter based on race.
I don’t mind people suggesting they don’t meet people of my race. It’s an easy filter for me and means I don’t waste my time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I really like BindtheHeroine's response but don't want to do a thumb to it.
On a personal level, I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. For one, I'd be a nightmare to categorise (unless we fall back to some awful racial profiling that shouldn't exist). There are a few mixed race folk on Fab, would we just be plonked into black? Erasure of racial identity, the lack of clear cut distinctions, increase in fetishizing would all lead to it being a no for me BUT... my experience is different from others. Others may benefit it from. "
I've categorised myself as mixed on here, although from my pics it's not that obvious.
I remember in my early days on here I got into an argument with someone because he really wouldn't believe I wasn't white. He said something sarcastic and disgusting along the lines of not seeing jars of cocoa butter in the background of any of my pics  apparently the only type of mixed you can be is black and white *shrug* |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Im white,I dont have a preference for colour and if I look at a profile that says black guys only ive only wasted 10 seconds looking before moving on....so no,I dont think this place needs it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Doesn't this feature already exist in advanced search? But I would rather have a button to filter out people who do not want to meet Asian men. I respect people's preferences. But having a filter like that would save a lot of time for everyone. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Sorry also yes I should’ve clarified- I meant a way of filtering messages from people. OR not appearing on searches of people who do not fit your preferences. So if someone searches for Black guys but I’m not looking for them, I don’t appear?
at the moment I can search for specific ethnicities (though I’m pretty sure this is used as a synonym for race which it isn’t) but can’t select ‘I’m what they’re looking for’ in that sense, for example. Idk. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
