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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Couldn't face spending another night in alone so in a moment of madness I logged onto the bee app and found a pretty hot someone to smush things around with.
"But Timber, that sounds great, why are you complaining?"
Because I've also just remembered that I've spent all day eating shit to numb my feelings, so I'm feeling pretty fucking icky. Also the Amazon rainforest literally has nothing on my legs and bush right now, and it's gonna take a good hour at least to turn my face into something anyone would want near theirs.
Someone give me the energy to get out of bed and into the shower please. Literally praying I just get ghosted at this point 
NB before anyone calls me a timewaster I AM going to make the effort (if I don't get ghosted). I just wish I could snap my fingers and turn into a sex bomb instead of it taking 3 hours  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Last time I was meeting someone I inadvertently used out of date hair removal cream, as I was faffing about last minute... Funnily enough instead of being less effective, the end outcome was a red burning beacon of a fanny. Don't be a me OP! Get ready with plenty of time to spare  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OK I am loving this energy people, BUT there has been a development - turns out neither of us can accom and he has just offered up his car 
I have given him the appropriate response of "yikes, nope" - if he doesn't at LEAST suggest a hotel I am giving up and ordering pizza and wine  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK I am loving this energy people, BUT there has been a development - turns out neither of us can accom and he has just offered up his car
I have given him the appropriate response of "yikes, nope" - if he doesn't at LEAST suggest a hotel I am giving up and ordering pizza and wine "
If his first suggestion wasn’t a hotel then yip pizza movie and wine |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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To be fair what is all the effort even for?! 30 mins spent trying to perfect my eyeliner wings only for a guy to rub his balls all over my face and make me look like It's fuckable-in-the-right-light sister?  |
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"OK I am loving this energy people, BUT there has been a development - turns out neither of us can accom and he has just offered up his car
I have given him the appropriate response of "yikes, nope" - if he doesn't at LEAST suggest a hotel I am giving up and ordering pizza and wine "
Car. Classy  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"To be fair what is all the effort even for?! 30 mins spent trying to perfect my eyeliner wings only for a guy to rub his balls all over my face and make me look like It's fuckable-in-the-right-light sister? "
Timber, Timber, Timber, what are you complaining about? The post balls, face fucky smeary eyed make up look is hot, you've got to rock it. It's 30 minutes to help achieve that perfect look after it's smeared to fuck. |
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"To be fair what is all the effort even for?! 30 mins spent trying to perfect my eyeliner wings only for a guy to rub his balls all over my face and make me look like It's fuckable-in-the-right-light sister?
Timber, Timber, Timber, what are you complaining about? The post balls, face fucky smeary eyed make up look is hot, you've got to rock it. It's 30 minutes to help achieve that perfect look after it's smeared to fuck."
Absolutely this, it takes me hours to achieve this look because my balls won't reach my face.
Yet.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To be fair what is all the effort even for?! 30 mins spent trying to perfect my eyeliner wings only for a guy to rub his balls all over my face and make me look like It's fuckable-in-the-right-light sister?
Timber, Timber, Timber, what are you complaining about? The post balls, face fucky smeary eyed make up look is hot, you've got to rock it. It's 30 minutes to help achieve that perfect look after it's smeared to fuck."
Tbf this does sound like one of those haute couture glossy editiorials |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"OK, what's the bee app?.
Not sure if I'm allowed to say but the people on it are usually pretty humble 
The one where women actually message first  "
...with the same type of message they would get frustrated if a guy would to use :P ...."hey" ..."how's u?" ...."U OK?" ..."hi" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OK, what's the bee app?.
Not sure if I'm allowed to say but the people on it are usually pretty humble
The one where women actually message first
...with the same type of message they would get frustrated if a guy would to use :P ...."hey" ..."how's u?" ...."U OK?" ..."hi" "
I'm, er, starting to notice a common theme in your posts |
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I was going to suggest telling him you like it kinky, blindfold him at the door and getting him to do you doggy doggy.
But.....y'know....a car. FFS.
You're worth more than 2 litres of 4 star and a ride in a clapped out Cortina.
Winston
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"To be fair what is all the effort even for?! 30 mins spent trying to perfect my eyeliner wings only for a guy to rub his balls all over my face and make me look like It's fuckable-in-the-right-light sister?
Timber, Timber, Timber, what are you complaining about? The post balls, face fucky smeary eyed make up look is hot, you've got to rock it. It's 30 minutes to help achieve that perfect look after it's smeared to fuck.
Absolutely this, it takes me hours to achieve this look because my balls won't reach my face.
Yet.
"
Ahhhh I'm so damn happy to have CD comments back   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was going to suggest telling him you like it kinky, blindfold him at the door and getting him to do you doggy doggy.
But.....y'know....a car. FFS.
You're worth more than 2 litres of 4 star and a ride in a clapped out Cortina.
Winston
"
Yeah... The real kicker of this story is way worse tbh. The car thing is starting to look like the romance of the century at the moment. |
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"I was going to suggest telling him you like it kinky, blindfold him at the door and getting him to do you doggy doggy.
But.....y'know....a car. FFS.
You're worth more than 2 litres of 4 star and a ride in a clapped out Cortina.
Winston
"
I doubt there's many worth more than 2 ltr of 4 star at current prices. |
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"To be fair what is all the effort even for?! 30 mins spent trying to perfect my eyeliner wings only for a guy to rub his balls all over my face and make me look like It's fuckable-in-the-right-light sister?
Timber, Timber, Timber, what are you complaining about? The post balls, face fucky smeary eyed make up look is hot, you've got to rock it. It's 30 minutes to help achieve that perfect look after it's smeared to fuck."
Meli's just given me a boner......
Dirty talking hussy. 
Winston |
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