FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > A thread for the sick and twisted, donot open if easily offended...its just for sick people.
A thread for the sick and twisted, donot open if easily offended...its just for sick people.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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doh..heres mine.
My girlfriend is a filthy minx. When I come in her mouth she likes to blow bubbles, gargle it, let it dribble out of her mouth,down her chin and over her tits.
She may be paralysed, but deep down I know she loves it. |
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"Well I did warn you, so lets see who still whinges....lets have your sickest and most twisted jokes in here, im running out of them lol"
You have to believe there's a joke about Andrew Lloyd Webber, prostate cancer and a holiday in Libya that someone's just itching to tell  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well I did warn you, so lets see who still whinges....lets have your sickest and most twisted jokes in here, im running out of them lol
You have to believe there's a joke about Andrew Lloyd Webber, prostate cancer and a holiday in Libya that someone's just itching to tell "
oh do tell, your allowed in here, its only for the sick and twisted |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Whats the hardest part to eat of a cabbage???
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The wheel chair.
**runs quickly away**"
wahoo, its the girls with balls tonight |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I mentioned something in the colostomy thread... and that post vanished, you seriously think i'd risk it in the open air lol??? "
Just to clarify... For my own good!! And thank you.. you now who you are x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"doh..heres mine.
My girlfriend is a filthy minx. When I come in her mouth she likes to blow bubbles, gargle it, let it dribble out of her mouth,down her chin and over her tits.
She may be paralysed, but deep down I know she loves it."
hahahaha i love it, i am gonna think of my sickest joke now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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im sick n twisted i found them amusing in the context that they are jokes and there are jokes for everythin its how u react to it!!!!! but no doubt the soap boxes b gettin dug out...xx |
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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago
Notting |
"im sick n twisted i found them amusing in the context that they are jokes and there are jokes for everythin its how u react to it!!!!! but no doubt the soap boxes b gettin dug out...xx"
Can hear the scarping of em already across the laminate flooring, lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok..
Tame.. but funny!
A woman comes home to find her hubby in bed with another woman.. With superhuman strength, she grabs him drags him down the stairs, across the garden naked and into the shed.. She then slams his cock in a vice then snaps off the handle in rage, reaches up and grabs the big hacksaw.. The husband now terrified, looks her in the eye and pleads and screams, your not going to cut it off are you?? The wife with a vengful gleam in her eye.. says No, you are.. I'm setting fire to the shed..
see... Clean even lol.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ok..
Tame.. but funny!
A woman comes home to find her hubby in bed with another woman.. With superhuman strength, she grabs him drags him down the stairs, across the garden naked and into the shed.. She then slams his cock in a vice then snaps off the handle in rage, reaches up and grabs the big hacksaw.. The husband now terrified, looks her in the eye and pleads and screams, your not going to cut it off are you?? The wife with a vengful gleam in her eye.. says No, you are.. I'm setting fire to the shed..
see... Clean even lol.. "
shakes her head...oh the shame notts...such a cop out lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How come then when a woman gets pregant all her mates come over, rubs her tummy and says awwwwww congratulations and yet not one wants to rub yer cock and say well done!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each other, one pad said to the other,
"Should we say hi to those 2 tampons?"
The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Local MP visits the old folks home and see's the oldest lady who's 105.. he says have you ever been bed ridden, she replies.. sometimes but I prefer being shagged hard on the sofa... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Myra Hindley is walking through the Yorkshire Moors, hand-in-hand with a little boy.
"I'm scared," moaned the boy.
"You're scared!" she replied. "I have to come back alone." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Myra Hindley is walking through the Yorkshire Moors, hand-in-hand with a little boy.
"I'm scared," moaned the boy.
"You're scared!" she replied. "I have to come back alone.""
lmfao |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over?
A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die?
A: Because the koala landed on it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Paddy finds out his wife is having an affair and decides to kill her and himself... Ties her up in the kitchen.. holds the gun to his head and says not sure why your fuckin laughing bitch, your next!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sign in the shop window reads.. we would rather serve 500 taliban muslims than one single british soldier...
Who says the undertakers have no sense of humour |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
Have you seen the world's shortest books?:
Irish Wit and Wisdom.
Jewish Business Ethics.
Italian War Heroes.
Aboriginal Hygeine Hints.
Adolf Hitler's Kosher Recipes.
Muslim Pork Dishes.
The Amish Phone Book.
Things I Can`t Afford by Bill Gates.
Great Women Drivers of Today.
The Complete Guide to Catholic Sex.
The Book of Good Australian Beer.
Beauty Secrets by Cathy Freeman.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Local MP visits the old folks home and see's the oldest lady who's 105.. he says have you ever been bed ridden, she replies.. sometimes but I prefer being shagged hard on the sofa..."
... can't... breathe!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hate having to crush up my old grans pills and put them in her food.. It feels really sneaky... but i'd never forgive myself getting her pregnant "
oh fuckin hell, tena moment...cant breathe...;mfao |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Awwww........
Not every Flower can say I love you. But a rse can.. Not every Plant survives Thirst... but a cactus can.. Not every retard can read... but look at you having a go, bless!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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a woman with a clipboard just knocked on my door she asked me if we would have an ethopian child for christmas we normally have turkey but fuck it il try anythin once... |
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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago
Notting |
My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Aww.. the wife bless, just found out she was in fact adopted.. She was devistated, she has been weeping for days.. saying why didn;t they want me.. I took her in my arms and comforted her..
After a while, still sobing she turned and kissed me and asked me to make love to her.. In hindsight I suppose taking her from behind and shouting,... WHO'S YA DADDY WHO'S YA DADDY wasn't a great idea.... |
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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago
Notting |
"Aww.. the wife bless, just found out she was in fact adopted.. She was devistated, she has been weeping for days.. saying why didn;t they want me.. I took her in my arms and comforted her..
After a while, still sobing she turned and kissed me and asked me to make love to her.. In hindsight I suppose taking her from behind and shouting,... WHO'S YA DADDY WHO'S YA DADDY wasn't a great idea.... "
pmsl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wife ... I want a rape alarm
So next morning hubby punches her in the face, grabs her hair and has rough anal sex with her.
Hubby ... It's time to get up love. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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johnny bursts into his mum and dads bedroom only to see his dad giving his mum one
His dad just laughs and says "Off you go Johnny"
A little while later Johhnys dad heres a commotion coming from the wee mans bedroom
He bursts in and is totally shocked to see Johnny shagging his gran.
Johhny just looks up and says.. " Not so f*ckin funny when its your mum now is it dad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We had a major session yesterday mind... 15 mins hard shagging, 20.. then 30 or so... soon became clear to me neither was gonna come when she said.. whats up babe, can't you think of anyone either?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a kid, a mom and a dad.
They're having guests over.
The kid goes into the bathroom and see's his dad shaving.
The dad cut's himself and says "Sh=it!"
The kid asks the dad what "Sh=it!" means.
The dad replies, "It means to shave."
So the kid goes into the kitchen and see's the mom cutting the turkey.
The mom accidentally cut's her finger and she says, "Fu=ck!"
The kid ask's the mom what "Fu=ck!" means.
The mom replies "It means to cut."
The door bell starts to ring.
The kid goes and answers it.
The guests ask the kid where his parents are.
The kid replies, "Dads upstairs in the bathroom shi=tting and mom's in the kitchen fu=cking the turkey." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shag.. Its a funny old word eh.
To a smoker its a type of tobacco..
To an American its a dance..
To a bird watcher its a bird..
To you lot of ugly feckers it a remote possibility,,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oooerr... ok!!
A big fella walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm..and then says, this is the fucking sheep I have to shag when your not in the fuckin mood.. His wife says.. Err I think you'll find thats a sheep stupid.. He says, I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep.. Stupid!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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mr whippy was found d ead this mornin with a flake up his arse chocolate sauce on his cock and 100s n 1000s over his balls....polica say he topped himself! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fairy liquid adverts have been changed to reflect a more modern britain ....
Little girl ... mummy why are your hands so soft?
Mummy ... because I'm only 14 now shut the f**k up and eat your pot noodle .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thanks guys, been in hysterics reading this lot. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who loves sick jokes.
~
What red and squeals?
A freshly peeled baby.
~
Johnny sees mummy naked and looks at her pussy and says, "What's that mummy?"
She replies, "Oh, um, it's, er, where daddy hit me with an axe."
"Good shot," says Johnny, "right in the cunt.!" |
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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago
Notting |
My mate told me that if I was buying condoms at the supermarket, I should buy a couple of other things so that people didn't look at me funny.
With hindsight, lollies and a Barbie doll probably wasn't the best choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Old woman takes her deaf hubby to the docs... Tell the Doc.. My old man don't want sex and sleeps all the time..
The doc says we'll have to do some tests.. I will need a urine sperm and a stool sample..
The Old man says to his wife, what did he say luv?? She replies, he wants your underpants...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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a dog is truly mans best friend... if you don't believe me try this experiment.. Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.. then unlock the boot open it and see who fookin happy to see ya lol... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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DIY tip of the week...
A woman is on all fours.. cum spilling from her arse, her fanny and both corners of her mouth..
What does this tell you fellas??? Yep... the floor is level.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After 5 years together now the Mrs still gets the hump when I use her toothbrush...
If anyone has a better way of cleaning dog shit of their trainers i'm all ears .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I put on my profile that I have an athletic swimmers body,
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I didn't mention that it was in the boot of my car 
Yu let me out tho "
ANOTHER tick in the black book, ( note in margin to use better quality cable ties tho ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Statistics show the most common sexual position for married couples is the doggy style.... the husband sits and begs, the wife rolls over and plays dead... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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heaven is going to be very enjoyable this xmas 1 - stephen gathley is doing the singing 2- patrick swayze is doing the dancing 3- keith floyd is doing the cooking and micheal jackson has said he will play with all the kids |
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