FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Being desired…
Being desired…
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
How important is it to you to feel desired??
Does it depend on the other person or do you like to be desired in general???
Does being desired by people you don’t want to be intimate not bother you or do you embrace it?
Is all desire positive to you?
I find it fascinating talking to people about how the words and opinions of others makes them feel.
I simply don’t feel anything unless I desire that person so it’s not something I seek at all. Yet I see how nice words of desirability can make people all warm and fuzzy…
So what does it do for you??
Tell me what I’m missing!!!
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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago
Northampton |
It is massively essential for me to even take an interest in anyone... Unfortunately I have been ghosted by men that have told me they feel that way about me, too many times in a row, now, that I just don't believe anyone that I find attractive, when they tell me they fancy me. And I hadn't even had sex with them, only had socials, which makes me feel worse than if they had seen me naked  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not feeling like you are desired in a relationship can be soul destroying.
When you make all the effort with compliments, flowers, making plans for romantic getaways, always being the one who instigates sex or any intimacy and get nothing back, it's a relationship killer. |
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It’s nice to be told I’m liked,or I make a difference in peoples lives,but I don’t need to feel desired. As long as I’m there for my friends and I make them safe and happy then all is good. Looks wise I don’t think I’ve ever been desirable but I’m totally ok with that.
I can always use my humour 
I’m not sure if I went off topic or not then saff so apologies if I did! |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"It’s essential - I need reassurance from my husband that he adores me! I don’t need that from strangers but it’s nice to be told, without a doubt "
This. 
From a partner is essential.
From a potential swinging meet it's desirable.
From joe public that you don't know/couldn't care less about....... not important at all.
If people need to be desired by the masses rather than a specific individual then they have ego issues IMHO. There's a difference between wanting to be appreciated, respected and treated decently and a need to be lusted after or desired. The former is healthy, the latter definitely isn't.
A |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Honestly, to feel wanted and desired again...was the reason I joined this site. It's extremely important to me!"
Your photos are clearly popular, and with reason, but do you feel fab attention has filled that gap? |
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Depends on which kind of desired we're talking about. Sexually as long as M sees me as sexually desirable I'm good. But I do want to be desired as a friend, which is something I've learnt recently about myself. And it hurts more than it should when I desire to be friends with someone and that isn't mutual. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"It’s essential - I need reassurance from my husband that he adores me! I don’t need that from strangers but it’s nice to be told, without a doubt "
I love the way that many couples here are clearly madly in love and the desire of others almost enhances that.. it’s a fascinating dynamic |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"Honestly, to feel wanted and desired again...was the reason I joined this site. It's extremely important to me!
I have a feeling you won't have a problem finding willing admirers! "
There's a difference between people liking my pictures or my profile and someone making me feel wanted and desired...
But I appreciate the "pick me up"  |
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
Same. I don’t understand why people chase general popularity if they aren’t interested… "
External validation perhaps?
I think for plenty it'll be in healthy measures, but for some I firmly believe it's deflection coz they hate themselves and by getting validation from other people it means they ain't gotta face the truth. Temporary plaster kinda thing. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"It is massively essential for me to even take an interest in anyone... Unfortunately I have been ghosted by men that have told me they feel that way about me, too many times in a row, now, that I just don't believe anyone that I find attractive, when they tell me they fancy me. And I hadn't even had sex with them, only had socials, which makes me feel worse than if they had seen me naked "
The downside of desire for sure.. that’s down to them and their inability to communicate and be open I guess.. still crappy |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"Honestly, to feel wanted and desired again...was the reason I joined this site. It's extremely important to me!
Your photos are clearly popular, and with reason, but do you feel fab attention has filled that gap?"
Not that much, no |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"It's important to me to make the man I'm with feel desirable and vice versa. Desire from strangers does nothing for me. "
Do flirty comments expressing desire get your attention or do you find them uncomfortable? |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"It’s nice to be told I’m liked,or I make a difference in peoples lives,but I don’t need to feel desired. As long as I’m there for my friends and I make them safe and happy then all is good. Looks wise I don’t think I’ve ever been desirable but I’m totally ok with that.
I can always use my humour
I’m not sure if I went off topic or not then saff so apologies if I did! "
You always go off topic 
But yes I get that. I rely on my charm too 
Being liked as a human is way higher up my list than being desired. |
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"Respect adoration and desire and a sensual sexual connection and desire is everything
I think I’m broken"
I don't think you're broken Saff, I think you're simply blueghed out from all the bullshit etc. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Respect adoration and desire and a sensual sexual connection and desire is everything
I think I’m broken
I don't think you're broken Saff, I think you're simply blueghed out from all the bullshit etc."
I really cba… I don’t give a shit what someone thinks of my tits.. I want them to think I’m hilarious. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"It’s essential - I need reassurance from my husband that he adores me! I don’t need that from strangers but it’s nice to be told, without a doubt
This.
From a partner is essential.
From a potential swinging meet it's desirable.
From joe public that you don't know/couldn't care less about....... not important at all.
If people need to be desired by the masses rather than a specific individual then they have ego issues IMHO. There's a difference between wanting to be appreciated, respected and treated decently and a need to be lusted after or desired. The former is healthy, the latter definitely isn't.
A"
Totally… and there is every shade of it here. It’s total extremes. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Not feeling like you are desired in a relationship can be soul destroying.
When you make all the effort with compliments, flowers, making plans for romantic getaways, always being the one who instigates sex or any intimacy and get nothing back, it's a relationship killer."
100% on a one to one basis. That’s an absolute deal breaker for me. But it’s only important with one person at a time to me.. and I’d have to know that person to be affected either way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
"
This. If it's someone I find attractive, it's all good. But we have no control over who fancies us or not so no point worrying about it I suppose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Imagine having hunger beyond anything that casual sexy times could ever reach, and that someone tells me they don’t feel the same. That is heartbreak.
I don’t ‘need’ to be desired. But it is nice when you are, the level of how that feels depends on who it is. But I do need to feel wanted by those I want to get naked with, if I don’t feel it, it’s empty sex. I don’t like empty sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's important to me to make the man I'm with feel desirable and vice versa. Desire from strangers does nothing for me.
Do flirty comments expressing desire get your attention or do you find them uncomfortable?"
They make me uncomfortable at the start tbh. Whether from men I find attractive or not. If I fancy someone and we've got talking - it's fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not very anymore
I know i am but its not the same as i used to be
There are a few i enjoy a flirt with and fewer still id actually act upon the flirting with but i only really want to have a laugh and distract myself and pass the time away |
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"Not feeling like you are desired in a relationship can be soul destroying.
When you make all the effort with compliments, flowers, making plans for romantic getaways, always being the one who instigates sex or any intimacy and get nothing back, it's a relationship killer."
I completely agree |
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Feeling desired is really important to me.
I have learnt though that if you don’t feel it from the person you’re supposed to (a partner etc), feeling it from others doesn’t feel the void. It superficially patches over it. For me at least. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Imagine having hunger beyond anything that casual sexy times could ever reach, and that someone tells me they don’t feel the same. That is heartbreak.
I don’t ‘need’ to be desired. But it is nice when you are, the level of how that feels depends on who it is. But I do need to feel wanted by those I want to get naked with, if I don’t feel it, it’s empty sex. I don’t like empty sex. "
Ah Chuck
Yeah I agree it’s vital in a naked situation.. |
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I had a message out of the blue yesterday from someone I'm really attracted to saying how attracted she was to me by my latest photo, that made my day
As for compliments from people where there is no attraction I appreciate them but I guess they don't really have the same impact on me. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I had a message out of the blue yesterday from someone I'm really attracted to saying how attracted she was to me by my latest photo, that made my day
As for compliments from people where there is no attraction I appreciate them but I guess they don't really have the same impact on me."
Ah that’s lovely see yes this is what I mean! With a match it’s lovely. With anyone else it’s just not the same.. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I think I’d be being disingenuous if I didn’t admit to enjoying the fact that somebody would desire me.
When it happens, I’ll let you know.  "
Give over fiddles I’ve no doubt that orange is desired. Face isn’t too shabby either |
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First thing this morning when I was doing my physio workout out my hair not brushed and looking a state my husband told me how beautiful I looked and how much he wanted me .
To feel desired by someone you love and desire back is extremely important .It’s nice to know someone else is attracted to you but it’s definitely not the same thing. |
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
"
This is so true , one thing life has shown . me is , no one wants to get chatted up by an umpa lumpa looking fuck wit |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"First thing this morning when I was doing my physio workout out my hair not brushed and looking a state my husband told me how beautiful I looked and how much he wanted me .
To feel desired by someone you love and desire back is extremely important .It’s nice to know someone else is attracted to you but it’s definitely not the same thing."
Ahhhh see that’s just perfection!! I love this! |
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"I think I’d be being disingenuous if I didn’t admit to enjoying the fact that somebody would desire me.
When it happens, I’ll let you know.
Give over fiddles I’ve no doubt that orange is desired. Face isn’t too shabby either "
Why thank you, and your face is always a pleasure to gaze upon. |
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"It’s nice to be told I’m liked,or I make a difference in peoples lives,but I don’t need to feel desired. As long as I’m there for my friends and I make them safe and happy then all is good. Looks wise I don’t think I’ve ever been desirable but I’m totally ok with that.
I can always use my humour
I’m not sure if I went off topic or not then saff so apologies if I did!
You always go off topic
But yes I get that. I rely on my charm too
Being liked as a human is way higher up my list than being desired. "
You do have a certain type of charm! 
And,well I like you anyway. Just a bit.
You’ve a heart of gold |
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I suppose it can be nice to be desired by someone you don't find desirable , but i would only take that more as a compliment then anything else, to feel desired by somebody you want to be desired by, now that's a whole different story, it can make the gloomiest day a hell of a lot brighter and add that spark you haven't fealt for time |
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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago
A world all of his own |
"Not feeling like you are desired in a relationship can be soul destroying.
When you make all the effort with compliments, flowers, making plans for romantic getaways, always being the one who instigates sex or any intimacy and get nothing back, it's a relationship killer."
I know that feeling all too well. |
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For me (Kay) I need to know that Jay desires me, wants me and sometimes needs me. Not just sexually either. To know that the person I love the most feels the same way is important to me. I hear people say they don't need that from their partner and that's great but that dynamic doesn't work for me. I need that reassurance, that mutual showing of affection and need. From a sexual point of view, the more he shows me he desires me, the sexier I feel and therefore the safer I feel to be sexy, kinky and all of that good stuff! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on which kind of desired we're talking about. Sexually as long as M sees me as sexually desirable I'm good. But I do want to be desired as a friend, which is something I've learnt recently about myself. And it hurts more than it should when I desire to be friends with someone and that isn't mutual. "
I agree with this. Wanting to know that someone wants you around and makes time for you is important to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
Same. I don’t understand why people chase general popularity if they aren’t interested…
External validation perhaps?
I think for plenty it'll be in healthy measures, but for some I firmly believe it's deflection coz they hate themselves and by getting validation from other people it means they ain't gotta face the truth. Temporary plaster kinda thing."
Not always external validation. Often it just a sense of belonging which is different |
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
Same. I don’t understand why people chase general popularity if they aren’t interested…
External validation perhaps?
I think for plenty it'll be in healthy measures, but for some I firmly believe it's deflection coz they hate themselves and by getting validation from other people it means they ain't gotta face the truth. Temporary plaster kinda thing.
Not always external validation. Often it just a sense of belonging which is different"
Absolutely, but you don't need to feel desired to feel like you belong. Surely respected, cared for, wanted around for who you are is more beneficial to the sense of belonging than being desired? |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Depends on which kind of desired we're talking about. Sexually as long as M sees me as sexually desirable I'm good. But I do want to be desired as a friend, which is something I've learnt recently about myself. And it hurts more than it should when I desire to be friends with someone and that isn't mutual. "
100% get that and I’m the same with friendship. I’m not bothered about being attracted but it’s important to be liked by those I like.
Being fancied is the opposite. It’s not something I want from anyone I don’t feel the same about. |
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
Same. I don’t understand why people chase general popularity if they aren’t interested…
External validation perhaps?
I think for plenty it'll be in healthy measures, but for some I firmly believe it's deflection coz they hate themselves and by getting validation from other people it means they ain't gotta face the truth. Temporary plaster kinda thing.
Not always external validation. Often it just a sense of belonging which is different
Absolutely, but you don't need to feel desired to feel like you belong. Surely respected, cared for, wanted around for who you are is more beneficial to the sense of belonging than being desired? "
I agree, desire can't be the 1 and only factor there needs to be alot more to make it work. We've been together aa very long time and worked out what works for us but desire is definitely in there. We have had times when neither had felt particularly desired by the other for various reasons over the years and it certainly makes a big difference to our intimacy and connection. So now we work as hard on this as we do everything else.works for us |
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I was invisible until I was almost 50 so being desired wasn't something I knew anything about.
Once I learned that not only was I visible but also desirable it was life changing and life affirming.
On here I take a lot of things with a pinch of salt and don't fall for the smoke blowing or sychophancy but seeing that desire in someone's eyes and feeling their reaction is amazing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being desired is a big deal for me. Part of the reason I come on fab is to post pictures and feel desired by others (I know it’s unhealthy I don’t need to hear that lmao). I also use apps like tinder to feel desired by others. Feeling attractive to, and wanted by, people is a big deal for me.
Not all desire is good obviously lol. I hate people that fetishise Black men. I hate people that only like you for the ‘contrast of your skin against theirs’ and all that shit  . And I hate people that only like Black men because of stereotypical images they have of us. (Not gonna get deep or ranty but you know where I stand on these things). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being desired is a big deal for me. Part of the reason I come on fab is to post pictures and feel desired by others (I know it’s unhealthy I don’t need to hear that lmao). I also use apps like tinder to feel desired by others. Feeling attractive to, and wanted by, people is a big deal for me.
Not all desire is good obviously lol. I hate people that fetishise Black men. I hate people that only like you for the ‘contrast of your skin against theirs’ and all that shit . And I hate people that only like Black men because of stereotypical images they have of us. (Not gonna get deep or ranty but you know where I stand on these things). "
In terms of what does it for me, well I don’t know. But I guess you know when someone is being genuine. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I like feeling desired by those I desire. No, not like it, love it. I'm a complete slut for desire. Relish it. Bask in all its glory in a giddy excitable state - that reciprocating is the best high possible for me. I'm rather transparent when I'm feeling very desired, I Tigger over the forums.
I can't say I do particularly want those I don't desire to desire me but...
Those words of desirability for people are important, you can see it in the popularity of the postie friend threads, the courting attention ones. You've taken part in some of those Saff, it's nice to not feel invisible I guess. Seen? Sexy. Everyone's a little bit needy in some form or other and how we satisfy that need is so different, I can't knock anyone for it. Sure, it might not always come from the healthiest place but maybe their desire to be desired is like mine to be seen as pseudo-intelligent. Both valid in some form. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
Same. I don’t understand why people chase general popularity if they aren’t interested… "
|
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
It’s not something important to me and can make me feel claustrophobic sometimes, especially if I’m not into them the same way , I’d rather just be liked as a person than desired sexually. But I desire people like that so I do get it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
Same. I don’t understand why people chase general popularity if they aren’t interested…
"
General popularity and being desired is absolutely two different things.
Desired, she absolutely wants to get naked and share an intimate moment with me.
Generally popularity, she will talk to me and we may amuse each other.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
Same. I don’t understand why people chase general popularity if they aren’t interested…
External validation perhaps?
I think for plenty it'll be in healthy measures, but for some I firmly believe it's deflection coz they hate themselves and by getting validation from other people it means they ain't gotta face the truth. Temporary plaster kinda thing.
Not always external validation. Often it just a sense of belonging which is different
Absolutely, but you don't need to feel desired to feel like you belong. Surely respected, cared for, wanted around for who you are is more beneficial to the sense of belonging than being desired? "
Yes I agree with you I’m rl but isn’t the measurement of fab, desire? |
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
Same. I don’t understand why people chase general popularity if they aren’t interested…
External validation perhaps?
I think for plenty it'll be in healthy measures, but for some I firmly believe it's deflection coz they hate themselves and by getting validation from other people it means they ain't gotta face the truth. Temporary plaster kinda thing.
Not always external validation. Often it just a sense of belonging which is different
Absolutely, but you don't need to feel desired to feel like you belong. Surely respected, cared for, wanted around for who you are is more beneficial to the sense of belonging than being desired?
Yes I agree with you I’m rl but isn’t the measurement of fab, desire?"
That depends on what you prioritise.
I'd much rather have people respect my insight, honesty,
opinions, experience, friendship etc to people having a mucky wank over my pics, messaging me shit and feeding me waffle and blowing smoke up my arse because they desire me (well, my foof)
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
Same. I don’t understand why people chase general popularity if they aren’t interested…
External validation perhaps?
I think for plenty it'll be in healthy measures, but for some I firmly believe it's deflection coz they hate themselves and by getting validation from other people it means they ain't gotta face the truth. Temporary plaster kinda thing.
Not always external validation. Often it just a sense of belonging which is different
Absolutely, but you don't need to feel desired to feel like you belong. Surely respected, cared for, wanted around for who you are is more beneficial to the sense of belonging than being desired?
Yes I agree with you I’m rl but isn’t the measurement of fab, desire?
That depends on what you prioritise.
I'd much rather have people respect my insight, honesty,
opinions, experience, friendship etc to people having a mucky wank over my pics, messaging me shit and feeding me waffle and blowing smoke up my arse because they desire me (well, my foof)
"
Yes definitely |
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By *ammo89Man
over a year ago
Aberdeen |
"Honestly, to feel wanted and desired again...was the reason I joined this site. It's extremely important to me!"
You're a handsome and chiseled dude, and you've been regularly named on "hottest profile" threads. You're definitely desired .
Now go handle that busy inbox you have :D |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Only by those I desire.
Otherwise it can make me feel a little icky and uncomfortable.
Same. I don’t understand why people chase general popularity if they aren’t interested…
External validation perhaps?
I think for plenty it'll be in healthy measures, but for some I firmly believe it's deflection coz they hate themselves and by getting validation from other people it means they ain't gotta face the truth. Temporary plaster kinda thing.
Not always external validation. Often it just a sense of belonging which is different
Absolutely, but you don't need to feel desired to feel like you belong. Surely respected, cared for, wanted around for who you are is more beneficial to the sense of belonging than being desired?
Yes I agree with you I’m rl but isn’t the measurement of fab, desire?
That depends on what you prioritise.
I'd much rather have people respect my insight, honesty,
opinions, experience, friendship etc to people having a mucky wank over my pics, messaging me shit and feeding me waffle and blowing smoke up my arse because they desire me (well, my foof)
"
Exactly this… this is what I meant. Give me friendship anyday. |
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I agree, it’s so Interesting to hear other people opinions on these things! For me, the number one has to be feeling desired by Mr, I’m not sure how my head would react if I only heard him compliment other ladies? To be desired by another woman is also always gratefully received, I suppose it’s a confidence booster! Miss pc |
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