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Dating advice
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Hi, I’m after a little dating advice if possible please.
I recently had a date 2 weeks ago that went really well and seemed promising. The communication continued in a positive manner but yet to tie a down a second date. Due to individual busyness.
However within the past week I received a message to say she didn’t realise how hard she’d find talking and getting to know someone new and would like to take things slow and be friends first. I respected her wishes but I’m kind of confused what brought this on. Also the messages seem to be shorter and non engaging like in earlier weeks.
I’m in 2 minds about the situation, either she’s lost interest or I’m over thinking it.
I would welcome your opinion on this as I would like to know where I stand.
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Probably loosing interest, but it is also super hard to get to know someone new. Give them some space and some time, if you hear back cool, if not then move on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to say this but it does sound like she’s lost interest but is too polite to say. Don’t beat yourself up about it though, it doesn’t necessarily mean you did anything wrong it just means that she doesn’t feel you’re right for her. I’ve had many experiences when I’ve been chatting to someone and getting on really well until they find out how small my cock is, either from me telling them or from seeing it, and it becomes clear that they’ve lost interest after that in the same way you’re seeing, short replies, slow to reply, generally very distant. |
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It sounds to me like for whatever reason she has thought she was ready to date and is now feeling that she actually isn't. Maybe she's still dealing with a previous break up. Personally I would tread carefully OP as people in this situation are often emotionally unavailable or blow hot and cold with you which can be very emotionally difficult to be on the receiving end of. It's up to you if you want to be friends and see if anything comes of it down the line between you two but it's also perfectly valid to walk away as it's someone you don't know very well. |
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By *al kalMan
over a year ago
london |
"Thanks for your help all. It’s reassuring.
compersion - what would you suggest asking her? "
It’s tempting too, but better to keep up your self respect. If someone doesn’t realise your worth it’s their loss. Don’t let anyone downgrade your self status by a slow fade…... It’s better to move on. And I have come from a similar situation recently… The right option will come your way again.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What are your feelings OP? Would you like to persist with it and keep talking to her while getting little back in the hope that her interest will pick up again or would you prefer to walk away and look for someone who appreciates you more? You should really just do what you feel is best for you and what you will regret the least. |
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Lacey red, that’s exactly what has happened. She did mention a previous bad relationship.
She she may not be fully recovered from it. I’m open to being friends etc and build from there if there is anything but it’s how to transition over. As I would still like to talk/ hang out as friends. |
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5inch, it’s a catch 22 situation. It’s for regular dating not a fab one.
I’d like to think there is something there to build upon as to trust someone you have to give it time and with any communication you are going to have your ups and downs.
But if it becomes a one way thing where there is a lack of effort then I’m prepared to walk away. |
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I’ve temporarily stopped messaging. Not in a way that I’m not responding but conversation died out and have not restarted it.
Would you say wait for her to contact me however long or message occasionally to keep conversation going? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be totally honest if someone wants to go slow that's fine, but if they're not following up on a second meet full stop I'd take it as a red flag. It sounds like she's got cold feet and with the best will in the world there's no point flogging a dead horse or you'll just look needy. |
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I’m ok with slow but how long would you wait for them to come back to you?
I did ask confidently whilst we met which she said yes and followed up by text as it seemed right at the time. Only thing I can think of was it could be to soon but I asked when she would be free rather than naming a time and place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly? To be blunt 3 days no contact and I'd say it's never going to happen. Even if someone is extremely busy they will reach out to make contact to keep you in the loop if they're interested |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry op it is a traditional slow fade . I’ve been on the receiving end so I recognise it.
Personally I wouldn’t message again but that’s your call.
I also wouldn’t ask why as I don’t think you’ll ever get a response that won’t make you feel a little bit worthless so pointless x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ahh! on day 2 haha
But appreciate the honesty.
Was going to give it till end of the week anyway and potentially send a message. If it’s a distant response I was going to leave it there.
"
Dating is shit ! I think I’ve given up  |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
Would you be ok if it only stayed as friends forever? Or would it hurt you to be in the friend zone and see her date other people?
When you know this you can decide if you ask her if there’s anything you can help with to help her feel comfortable in your company. Or if you want romance with her and you’d feel hurt watching her date, say goodbye and good luck but you aren’t on the same path and block her after that. Then you both have closure and can move on.
Good luck OP! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree lol.
Shame for me as it’s the only way to interact with women haha. "
I’m the same, time and experience has taught me that online dating always means access to too many other potentials . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Totally. Too many options. And not trying to put myself down I think others have more to offer. "
It’s tough but sounds to me as though you’ve been “friend zoned”, not a zone you’re likely to move out of, so if you want another friend then go with it but if you’re looking for more then you need to move on and find someone who is right for you.
It’s not necessarily about you so try not to let it get to you (easier said than done sometimes I appreciate). At the end of the day there is someone else somewhere who you will be better matched to. All the best OP. L x |
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
Like many have said mate, when you trying to date and she mentions 'let's be friends or let's take it slow suddenly!  To me it means she's exploring her other options to see if she can do better 
Comes down to few choices:
1) Say yes, be friends taking it slow & see how it goes
2) Be friends whilst exploring your other options too
3) Fuck this friends BS  cut your loses and move on
Choose wisely  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi, I’m after a little dating advice if possible please.
I recently had a date 2 weeks ago that went really well and seemed promising. The communication continued in a positive manner but yet to tie a down a second date. Due to individual busyness.
However within the past week I received a message to say she didn’t realise how hard she’d find talking and getting to know someone new and would like to take things slow and be friends first. I respected her wishes but I’m kind of confused what brought this on. Also the messages seem to be shorter and non engaging like in earlier weeks.
I’m in 2 minds about the situation, either she’s lost interest or I’m over thinking it.
I would welcome your opinion on this as I would like to know where I stand.
Thanks "
Sorry to state the obvious
Ask her !
You never know till you do  |
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"Hi, I’m after a little dating advice if possible please.
I recently had a date 2 weeks ago that went really well and seemed promising. The communication continued in a positive manner but yet to tie a down a second date. Due to individual busyness.
However within the past week I received a message to say she didn’t realise how hard she’d find talking and getting to know someone new and would like to take things slow and be friends first. I respected her wishes but I’m kind of confused what brought this on. Also the messages seem to be shorter and non engaging like in earlier weeks.
I’m in 2 minds about the situation, either she’s lost interest or I’m over thinking it.
I would welcome your opinion on this as I would like to know where I stand.
Thanks "
You dated once two weeks ago and neither of you has found time for date two. She's lost interest in dating (always a risk of you leave it too long) but wants to be your friend. Because of this the tone of her messages has changed as your relationship has shifted from exploring the potential for a second date to being friends. She's made that clear in my opinion.
You can either accept that or contact her and ask what caused her to change her mind. |
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"Thanks for the honesty nice couple.
I asked for second date twice but never came back with any day/times.
I may reach out and ask that question if the no contact doesn’t work.
"
If you've asked for a second date twice and she hasn't responded I'm sorry to say that she isn't interested in dating you.
Also if you click on reply+quote under the post you're replying to we will know who you're answering |
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"Thanks for the honesty nice couple.
I asked for second date twice but never came back with any day/times.
I may reach out and ask that question if the no contact doesn’t work.
If you've asked for a second date twice and she hasn't responded I'm sorry to say that she isn't interested in dating you.
Also if you click on reply+quote under the post you're replying to we will know who you're answering "
Ahh I didn’t know that. Thanks
And I agree we should have the second date by now.
Based on the help from everyone I’ve accepted that it’s not going to happen but is it worth drawing a line under it and sending a message to let her know or not bother
I like to be courteous to avoid and confusion |
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"Thanks for the honesty nice couple.
I asked for second date twice but never came back with any day/times.
I may reach out and ask that question if the no contact doesn’t work.
If you've asked for a second date twice and she hasn't responded I'm sorry to say that she isn't interested in dating you.
Also if you click on reply+quote under the post you're replying to we will know who you're answering
Ahh I didn’t know that. Thanks
And I agree we should have the second date by now.
Based on the help from everyone I’ve accepted that it’s not going to happen but is it worth drawing a line under it and sending a message to let her know or not bother
I like to be courteous to avoid and confusion "
If I were you I'd send her a message saying something like you understand her position and if she'd like to meet for a coffee sometime to let you know. Then draw a line under it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the honesty nice couple.
I asked for second date twice but never came back with any day/times.
I may reach out and ask that question if the no contact doesn’t work.
If you've asked for a second date twice and she hasn't responded I'm sorry to say that she isn't interested in dating you.
Also if you click on reply+quote under the post you're replying to we will know who you're answering
Ahh I didn’t know that. Thanks
And I agree we should have the second date by now.
Based on the help from everyone I’ve accepted that it’s not going to happen but is it worth drawing a line under it and sending a message to let her know or not bother
I like to be courteous to avoid and confusion "
I think you should message her and put it all out there, tell her that you like her and want to see her again, that you’re willing to take it slowly but you’re looking for something that will eventually be more than just friends. Make sure you let her know that there’s no pressure and you’ll accept whatever she says but ask her to be up front with you and tell you exactly how she feels and what she’s looking for. Tell her you’d rather be told the truth, even if it isn’t what you want to hear, than be left wondering. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the best thing would be to put the ball firmly in her court and then just assume its not gonna happen until you hear otherwise. "Feel free to message if you ever want to meet up again"
You can be both compassionate and set your boundaries down. You are allowed to change your mind about what your boundaries are if you arent comfortable about what you said before. If you arent happy about being "friends" or want some more clarity about what that means, its perfectly OK to ask/say that.
After (non-fab) dates when I decide not to meet someone again, they often ask if we can be friends. I know its just a way to make each other feel ok, but I dont like it because its unclear. I always use the line "Thanks! I already have a lot of friends so thats not something Im looking for right now. Ive really enjoyed hanging out though and I wish you all the best for the future..." If you dont wanna be friends with this person, maybe you could say something similar?
Good luck! |
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"Thanks for the honesty nice couple.
I asked for second date twice but never came back with any day/times.
I may reach out and ask that question if the no contact doesn’t work.
If you've asked for a second date twice and she hasn't responded I'm sorry to say that she isn't interested in dating you.
Also if you click on reply+quote under the post you're replying to we will know who you're answering
Ahh I didn’t know that. Thanks
And I agree we should have the second date by now.
Based on the help from everyone I’ve accepted that it’s not going to happen but is it worth drawing a line under it and sending a message to let her know or not bother
I like to be courteous to avoid and confusion
If I were you I'd send her a message saying something like you understand her position and if she'd like to meet for a coffee sometime to let you know. Then draw a line under it.
"
Thanks, I don’t think asking to meet up is on the cards? Can you message someone after a few days/weeks asking to meet up? I’m no good with this lol |
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"I think the best thing would be to put the ball firmly in her court and then just assume its not gonna happen until you hear otherwise. "Feel free to message if you ever want to meet up again"
You can be both compassionate and set your boundaries down. You are allowed to change your mind about what your boundaries are if you arent comfortable about what you said before. If you arent happy about being "friends" or want some more clarity about what that means, its perfectly OK to ask/say that.
After (non-fab) dates when I decide not to meet someone again, they often ask if we can be friends. I know its just a way to make each other feel ok, but I dont like it because its unclear. I always use the line "Thanks! I already have a lot of friends so thats not something Im looking for right now. Ive really enjoyed hanging out though and I wish you all the best for the future..." If you dont wanna be friends with this person, maybe you could say something similar?
Good luck! "
Thanks! Tbh I’ve been drafting a message which is exactly what you suggest. Being drawing the line and putting the ball in her court. I can’t message you directly so feel free to message if you would like to read it id appreciate your opinion.
Thanks again.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the best thing would be to put the ball firmly in her court and then just assume its not gonna happen until you hear otherwise. "Feel free to message if you ever want to meet up again"
You can be both compassionate and set your boundaries down. You are allowed to change your mind about what your boundaries are if you arent comfortable about what you said before. If you arent happy about being "friends" or want some more clarity about what that means, its perfectly OK to ask/say that.
After (non-fab) dates when I decide not to meet someone again, they often ask if we can be friends. I know its just a way to make each other feel ok, but I dont like it because its unclear. I always use the line "Thanks! I already have a lot of friends so thats not something Im looking for right now. Ive really enjoyed hanging out though and I wish you all the best for the future..." If you dont wanna be friends with this person, maybe you could say something similar?
Good luck!
Thanks! Tbh I’ve been drafting a message which is exactly what you suggest. Being drawing the line and putting the ball in her court. I can’t message you directly so feel free to message if you would like to read it id appreciate your opinion.
Thanks again.
"
Good luck!!!!!!!! |
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"Think she’s being polite so as not to give you hope. I would move on. I don’t even foresee a friendship developing tbh  "
Thanks. Already have tbh lol.
I like closure and not leave things up in the air. |
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"I think the best thing would be to put the ball firmly in her court and then just assume its not gonna happen until you hear otherwise. "Feel free to message if you ever want to meet up again"
You can be both compassionate and set your boundaries down. You are allowed to change your mind about what your boundaries are if you arent comfortable about what you said before. If you arent happy about being "friends" or want some more clarity about what that means, its perfectly OK to ask/say that.
After (non-fab) dates when I decide not to meet someone again, they often ask if we can be friends. I know its just a way to make each other feel ok, but I dont like it because its unclear. I always use the line "Thanks! I already have a lot of friends so thats not something Im looking for right now. Ive really enjoyed hanging out though and I wish you all the best for the future..." If you dont wanna be friends with this person, maybe you could say something similar?
Good luck!
Thanks! Tbh I’ve been drafting a message which is exactly what you suggest. Being drawing the line and putting the ball in her court. I can’t message you directly so feel free to message if you would like to read it id appreciate your opinion.
Thanks again.
Good luck!!!!!!!! "
Thanks, when do you suggest sending this message?
Only been a few days on no contact but it’s been coming over a week.
I’m thinking end of the week? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the honesty nice couple.
I asked for second date twice but never came back with any day/times.
I may reach out and ask that question if the no contact doesn’t work.
If you've asked for a second date twice and she hasn't responded I'm sorry to say that she isn't interested in dating you.
Also if you click on reply+quote under the post you're replying to we will know who you're answering
Ahh I didn’t know that. Thanks
And I agree we should have the second date by now.
Based on the help from everyone I’ve accepted that it’s not going to happen but is it worth drawing a line under it and sending a message to let her know or not bother
I like to be courteous to avoid and confusion
If I were you I'd send her a message saying something like you understand her position and if she'd like to meet for a coffee sometime to let you know. Then draw a line under it.
Thanks, I don’t think asking to meet up is on the cards? Can you message someone after a few days/weeks asking to meet up? I’m no good with this lol "
You’ve already met up with her once haven’t you? That’s what you said in your opening post, so why can’t you ask to meet up again? I’m a bit confused by your question as you must have already asked her to meet up but you’re asking us if it’s ok to ask to meet up….. |
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"Thanks for the honesty nice couple.
I asked for second date twice but never came back with any day/times.
I may reach out and ask that question if the no contact doesn’t work.
If you've asked for a second date twice and she hasn't responded I'm sorry to say that she isn't interested in dating you.
Also if you click on reply+quote under the post you're replying to we will know who you're answering
Ahh I didn’t know that. Thanks
And I agree we should have the second date by now.
Based on the help from everyone I’ve accepted that it’s not going to happen but is it worth drawing a line under it and sending a message to let her know or not bother
I like to be courteous to avoid and confusion
If I were you I'd send her a message saying something like you understand her position and if she'd like to meet for a coffee sometime to let you know. Then draw a line under it.
Thanks, I don’t think asking to meet up is on the cards? Can you message someone after a few days/weeks asking to meet up? I’m no good with this lol
You’ve already met up with her once haven’t you? That’s what you said in your opening post, so why can’t you ask to meet up again? I’m a bit confused by your question as you must have already asked her to meet up but you’re asking us if it’s ok to ask to meet up….."
I’ve met up yes and also asked to meet again twice. So I don’t see her saying yes if I ask her again. Hope that makes sense |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Maybe you were coming on to strong towards her hence her wanting to slow things down a touch then gradually see how well you both have a connection.like you've mentioned the busyness as well.most relationships start of as friends so I'd Go with this option and take things steady |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like she is/has lost interest! In all fairness at least she had the decency to let you know. As apposed to ghosting you!
Pick your self up, dust your self down and move on.  |
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"Thanks for the honesty nice couple.
I asked for second date twice but never came back with any day/times.
I may reach out and ask that question if the no contact doesn’t work.
If you've asked for a second date twice and she hasn't responded I'm sorry to say that she isn't interested in dating you.
Also if you click on reply+quote under the post you're replying to we will know who you're answering
Ahh I didn’t know that. Thanks
And I agree we should have the second date by now.
Based on the help from everyone I’ve accepted that it’s not going to happen but is it worth drawing a line under it and sending a message to let her know or not bother
I like to be courteous to avoid and confusion
If I were you I'd send her a message saying something like you understand her position and if she'd like to meet for a coffee sometime to let you know. Then draw a line under it.
Thanks, I don’t think asking to meet up is on the cards? Can you message someone after a few days/weeks asking to meet up? I’m no good with this lol "
I think you're massively over thinking this.
She said she wants to be just friends which is dating speak for "I don't want to be romantically involved"
I suggested you tell her you understand and to contact you if she fancies a coffee sometime. She probably won't but we could all use a friend and you haven't burned any bridges that way.
Then forget it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you must have really strong feelings for her considering you’ve been taking so much notice of all the advice given here and asking people for reassurance of what’s the best thing to do so that you don’t upset her or scare her off. You obviously really don’t want to do anything wrong by her and want to use as much of the experience here to guide you on what to do for the best. I think you should stick with it and take whatever messages and attention you can get as eventually it could lead to the serious relationship you crave. I’m sure you will focus on her as well rather than messaging other women here so that you don’t give people the impression you’re the type of man who chats to multiple women at the same time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do it whenever feels right. If its playing on your mind, then do it sooner rather than later.
The message youre planning to send isnt one that closes any potential relationship down. It simply lets her know that she can contact you if she ever wants to meet up. So that kind of message could be sent any time - either today, or in 3 months time!
Dont overthink it too much OP, just send her a message that gives you the closure you need.
Fay x |
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Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
"
Be your own man Mr Indianguy. If you've decided what to do stick with that |
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
"
Leave it
Let her instigate contact or you will seem desperate |
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
Be your own man Mr Indianguy. If you've decided what to do stick with that "
Haha thanks. Yeah I’ve decided but it’s always good to get a different perspective on things so thanks.
Just one last thing. Do I specify the meet up is as friends? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to say you were plan A
But a new plan A has came about
She’s pushed you to fall back plan B
Ie plan A dosent work out then fall back on plan b
Would probably just say yes we can be friends at the same time stop contact and leave it she’s not contact you anyway or in less plan A gose side ways
If she dose contact you months down the line just tell her your to busy with work |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It doesn't sound like an "or" situation.
You are over analysing the communication and essentially she isn't interested or has lost interest. You can never tell till you spend time with someone regarding the chemistry. She clearly doesn't want to tell you the reason why and asking is likely to get a BS response so just move along. Not everyone fancies everyone and that is the way it has always been. |
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
Be your own man Mr Indianguy. If you've decided what to do stick with that
Haha thanks. Yeah I’ve decided but it’s always good to get a different perspective on things so thanks.
Just one last thing. Do I specify the meet up is as friends? "
If you want to but I can see that you're the kind of person who likes to know exactly where you stand and this will leave you wondering if she's going to agree to meet you at some point. She will feel the need to be kind and will give an ambiguous answer which will leave you wondering again.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
Leave it
Let her instigate contact or you will seem desperate"
Totally agree! Nothing worse than trying really hard to compose a 'I'm not desperate' message, and then getting back a cold brush off  |
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
Be your own man Mr Indianguy. If you've decided what to do stick with that
Haha thanks. Yeah I’ve decided but it’s always good to get a different perspective on things so thanks.
Just one last thing. Do I specify the meet up is as friends?
If you want to but I can see that you're the kind of person who likes to know exactly where you stand and this will leave you wondering if she's going to agree to meet you at some point. She will feel the need to be kind and will give an ambiguous answer which will leave you wondering again.
"
Lol yeah I’m that kind of person. I’m expecting her to say no but thought it’s worth mentioning that as friends will make a difference for her to meet.
|
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
Leave it
Let her instigate contact or you will seem desperate
Totally agree! Nothing worse than trying really hard to compose a 'I'm not desperate' message, and then getting back a cold brush off "
Ahh really. So nothing at all? I’m Just going for general chit chat instead and swing it to so that it in her court. And draw the line without saying it.
|
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
Leave it
Let her instigate contact or you will seem desperate
Totally agree! Nothing worse than trying really hard to compose a 'I'm not desperate' message, and then getting back a cold brush off
Ahh really. So nothing at all? I’m Just going for general chit chat instead and swing it to so that it in her court. And draw the line without saying it.
"
Bro, don’t do this
In dating a women giving you the “just friends” line means no. It means leave her alone.
If she wants to be friends she’ll reach out. Otherwise your chit chat is just gonna make her feel awkward until she eventually stops responding
Just move on. Do you really need a friend from this? |
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
Leave it
Let her instigate contact or you will seem desperate
Totally agree! Nothing worse than trying really hard to compose a 'I'm not desperate' message, and then getting back a cold brush off
Ahh really. So nothing at all? I’m Just going for general chit chat instead and swing it to so that it in her court. And draw the line without saying it.
"
Why though? She's messaging less and more infrequently, she wants to stay "friends".
She's let you down gently. Leave her be |
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
Be your own man Mr Indianguy. If you've decided what to do stick with that
Haha thanks. Yeah I’ve decided but it’s always good to get a different perspective on things so thanks.
Just one last thing. Do I specify the meet up is as friends?
If you want to but I can see that you're the kind of person who likes to know exactly where you stand and this will leave you wondering if she's going to agree to meet you at some point. She will feel the need to be kind and will give an ambiguous answer which will leave you wondering again.
Lol yeah I’m that kind of person. I’m expecting her to say no but thought it’s worth mentioning that as friends will make a difference for her to meet.
"
Right if you think this will result in you endlessly wondering I think the best thing you can do is as I said last night. Tell her you understand and if she'd like to meet for a (friendly) coffee sometime to let you know. This unequivocally means (and you should accept that it does) that you know she doesn't want to date you, you've accepted that and you're offering coffee "sometime" is a face saver designed to allow you both the dignity of parting company on a friendly basis. You should then consign this to the past, no more wondering what she means or if you should say this or that or phrase a message a certain way. It's done
I am not being harsh I'm being realistic and hoping to save you many hours of wondering about something. |
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"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
Be your own man Mr Indianguy. If you've decided what to do stick with that
Haha thanks. Yeah I’ve decided but it’s always good to get a different perspective on things so thanks.
Just one last thing. Do I specify the meet up is as friends?
If you want to but I can see that you're the kind of person who likes to know exactly where you stand and this will leave you wondering if she's going to agree to meet you at some point. She will feel the need to be kind and will give an ambiguous answer which will leave you wondering again.
Lol yeah I’m that kind of person. I’m expecting her to say no but thought it’s worth mentioning that as friends will make a difference for her to meet.
Right if you think this will result in you endlessly wondering I think the best thing you can do is as I said last night. Tell her you understand and if she'd like to meet for a (friendly) coffee sometime to let you know. This unequivocally means (and you should accept that it does) that you know she doesn't want to date you, you've accepted that and you're offering coffee "sometime" is a face saver designed to allow you both the dignity of parting company on a friendly basis. You should then consign this to the past, no more wondering what she means or if you should say this or that or phrase a message a certain way. It's done
I am not being harsh I'm being realistic and hoping to save you many hours of wondering about something. "
Lol sorry you all must think no wonder I struggle with dating. But appreciate the brutal honesty.
But I’m not going to endlessly worry about it. I know where I stand with it all knowing nothing is going to happen. And I’m ok with it now.
Going to skip the chit chat as everyone suggested and send something as you suggested.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks Fay and nice couple
Yeah I think you’re both right that I’m overthinking it.
Had a nice sleep and feel differently about it now.
I’m going to message later on/ tomorrow, with general chit chat, how’s your week going and ask what she is up to the weekend. If she’s free I’ll ask if she wants to meet. If not, I’ll say I’d still like to meet but I’ll leave it with her. either way It’s fine with me and I’ll focus on myself.
Unless anyone opposes?
Be your own man Mr Indianguy. If you've decided what to do stick with that
Haha thanks. Yeah I’ve decided but it’s always good to get a different perspective on things so thanks.
Just one last thing. Do I specify the meet up is as friends?
If you want to but I can see that you're the kind of person who likes to know exactly where you stand and this will leave you wondering if she's going to agree to meet you at some point. She will feel the need to be kind and will give an ambiguous answer which will leave you wondering again.
Lol yeah I’m that kind of person. I’m expecting her to say no but thought it’s worth mentioning that as friends will make a difference for her to meet.
Right if you think this will result in you endlessly wondering I think the best thing you can do is as I said last night. Tell her you understand and if she'd like to meet for a (friendly) coffee sometime to let you know. This unequivocally means (and you should accept that it does) that you know she doesn't want to date you, you've accepted that and you're offering coffee "sometime" is a face saver designed to allow you both the dignity of parting company on a friendly basis. You should then consign this to the past, no more wondering what she means or if you should say this or that or phrase a message a certain way. It's done
I am not being harsh I'm being realistic and hoping to save you many hours of wondering about something.
Lol sorry you all must think no wonder I struggle with dating. But appreciate the brutal honesty.
But I’m not going to endlessly worry about it. I know where I stand with it all knowing nothing is going to happen. And I’m ok with it now.
Going to skip the chit chat as everyone suggested and send something as you suggested.
"
Send what? Have you not seen all the suggestions to let her be? |
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