FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Warm, Sunny Days

Warm, Sunny Days

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Apparently these are meant to perk everyone up. The days are getting longer, people are bustling about, enjoying drinks in the sun.

But does anyone else feel lonely, knowing that people are out there making the most out of life while you have no one to share it with, feeling at a loose end with what do and just feeling a bit miserable as you stay inside hoping something good is on TV?

I've felt like this most weekends recently, and it's got to the point where I prefer the weekdays as I know I have a structure in place rather than feeling like I have nothing to do on the weekends other than chores and food shopping and the gym to distract myself from the fact I have no social life.

This isn't a feel sorry for me thread or please pity me thread, but it's something I felt I needed to get off my chest because it's been weighing on me for a while now

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you no friends to go out with ? Socialise with?

Sending love and hugs

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By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Are you ready to go and find a social life though?

Social media keeps me in contact with lots and lots of people and I have things to do out out socially pretty much every weekend up till my summer break. But I had to get off my arse and join in, once you make friends then the invites flow

It's making that first step that's the hardest x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Have you no friends to go out with ? Socialise with?

Sending love and hugs

I have formate work mate whoni chat to and meet up with occasionally but always feel like they have other stuff of their own to do

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Are you ready to go and find a social life though?

It's making that first step that's the hardest x"

I'm not really on any social media, but I do agree with you that it can be about making the first step, I guess I just find it tough going places on my own.

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By *imi_RougeWoman over a year ago

Portsmouth

Yep. Totally get that. During the week is ok, I see my mum, I spend time with my friend who's daughter is at school. We do errands, go for coffee etc... But weekends are really hard! Family time for a lot of people.

I think it's worse today as the weather is rubbish, I don't mind when it's nice cos at least I can take myself for a walk down to the beach or something.

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By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"Are you ready to go and find a social life though?

It's making that first step that's the hardest x

I'm not really on any social media, but I do agree with you that it can be about making the first step, I guess I just find it tough going places on my own."

You know you are always welcome to come down to see us all in London x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Have you no friends to go out with ? Socialise with?

Sending love and hugs

I have formate work mate whoni chat to and meet up with occasionally but always feel like they have other stuff of their own to do"

Sometimes, our minds are our own worst enemies x

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

It's a weird one for me. I work most weekends so it doesn't bother me. Weekends I do get off are generally months apart and ones I've booked as holiday.

But, I totally understand where you're at. If work is unexpectedly quiet or theres a technical issue where we need to close I may get notified not to come in.

It's then that I find myself thumb twiddling coz I know a huge majority of the rest of the population are off work and it makes me wonder if I'm a shit mate for not asking people over when I've got the time, or if I'm a shit human for not having the funds to be able to take myself out for the day/night. Then I have the "well they've probably already made plans and I don't wanna disturb anyone or have them feel guilty for saying no when they know weekends off are rare for me" thoughts so I do a bit of pottering round the house and plenty of thumb twiddling.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

I find weekends hard because they often amplify what I can't do or can only do with help (which I abhor). Things are not set up for families where there's a disabled person (child or adult) and so I find myself spectating while Mr KC does the cool stuff. E.g kids birthday parties at soft play or trampoline parks. I end up sat in the cafe on my own.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you would like to start having a social life I recommend the app Meetup.

There's stacks a groups. Walking, hiking, book clubs, dining out, philosophy. It's a great way to make new friends

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By *iaisonseekerMan over a year ago

Liverpool

Weekend loneliness is a genuine phenomenon - I've read articles in the media and it got a very good fictionalised treatment in the novel, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine.

Of course, what breaks the cycle is usually the very thing that people in that situation find so difficult, which is to break out of your shell and let people in, whether that's through work, volunteering, hobbies etc.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yep. Totally get that. During the week is ok, I see my mum, I spend time with my friend who's daughter is at school. We do errands, go for coffee etc... But weekends are really hard! Family time for a lot of people.

I think it's worse today as the weather is rubbish, I don't mind when it's nice cos at least I can take myself for a walk down to the beach or something."

Ahhh that's interesting, I actually prefer the rubbish weather as it feels I have justification for only staying inside

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Are you ready to go and find a social life though?

It's making that first step that's the hardest x

I'm not really on any social media, but I do agree with you that it can be about making the first step, I guess I just find it tough going places on my own.

You know you are always welcome to come down to see us all in London x"

I occasionally look at the socials going on and should make an effort to attend some of them. A weekend away would be great

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Have you no friends to go out with ? Socialise with?

Sending love and hugs

I have formate work mate whoni chat to and meet up with occasionally but always feel like they have other stuff of their own to do

Sometimes, our minds are our own worst enemies x"

Ok, I have know idea what happened with those first few words

but you're right, it can be easy to get stuck in a rut.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It's a weird one for me. I work most weekends so it doesn't bother me. Weekends I do get off are generally months apart and ones I've booked as holiday.

But, I totally understand where you're at. If work is unexpectedly quiet or theres a technical issue where we need to close I may get notified not to come in.

That's exactly it for me! I always feel like I shouldn't get in touch as they probably already have plans and if they say they can't do anything, it just makes me retreat a bit more.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I find weekends hard because they often amplify what I can't do or can only do with help (which I abhor). Things are not set up for families where there's a disabled person (child or adult) and so I find myself spectating while Mr KC does the cool stuff. E.g kids birthday parties at soft play or trampoline parks. I end up sat in the cafe on my own. "

I'm sorry to hear that, even though you say it's fine, I bet there's always a part of you that would love to join in and it can't be fun just being on your own. Especially in a social setting

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"If you would like to start having a social life I recommend the app Meetup.

There's stacks a groups. Walking, hiking, book clubs, dining out, philosophy. It's a great way to make new friends

Thank you, I'll have a look into that! I'm sure something can come up that will be on common interest to other people

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Weekend loneliness is a genuine phenomenon - I've read articles in the media and it got a very good fictionalised treatment in the novel, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine.

I tried to break the cycle a few weeks ago by going to a local cafe by myself for coffee and cake. Although I made conversation with a few people, it still felt very weird being there on my own when everyone seemed to be there with other people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you would like to start having a social life I recommend the app Meetup.

There's stacks a groups. Walking, hiking, book clubs, dining out, philosophy. It's a great way to make new friends

Thank you, I'll have a look into that! I'm sure something can come up that will be on common interest to other people

It's a brilliant app. I've a member of various groups since 2016.

The first couple of times can be a bit daunting, joining a group by yourself, but I've found people to be warm and welcoming as all were new at some point. Good luck!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

I'm sorry to hear that, even though you say it's fine, I bet there's always a part of you that would love to join in and it can't be fun just being on your own. Especially in a social setting

I take my laptop with me and do some work, quite often. Or read a book. It's not the point of being out and about, but it occupies my brain *shrug*

I go to cafés on my own quite often, I like people watching and just being around other people, even if I'm not interacting. I'll often go and work from a local café for a few hours, rather than stay working on my own at home. I like the busyness of it.

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By *luebell888Woman over a year ago

Glasgowish

I enjoy my own company but lucky to have a dog to share my adventures with. I would recommend you join a running, walking or climbing group so as not to be alone.

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By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I really want to give you a hug FH...

This is kind of how I feel. Except without the structure to my life that a Mon-Fri job would bring.

I can't think about it else I'll just sink into the pit again, but yes. I get it. Many of us do, as shown by the replies here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Totally know what you mean! There's loads of pressure to be having a fun time. Sometimes I just want to lie on the sofa in my pants. I struggle in the heat and don't want to spend much time sitting in the sun.

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

Most of the time I relish weekends on my own as I've got time to relax after a hectic week...time to properly sit and snuggle with pooch and watch crappy TV or read.

Occasionally I do feel a bit meh about it though, but I think it's more of a fear of missing out rather than wanting to do anything in particular, especially if one of my friends is doing something interesting with their partner/family.

I have joined a walking group on the book of face where everyone is really friendly, but I haven't gone on a hike with them yet (completely my fault, overthinking the fact that I'm not the fittest I've ever been and don't want to be the sweaty straggler struggling to breathe while everyone waits for me to catch up

In the past I've had socials with people from here, with the sole intention of it being purely a social so no need to worry about anybody fancying anyone else, just a chance to have a cuppa and meet someone who's (hopefully

) interesting. I'm sure there are plenty of people in the same boat who would love a coffee and a chinwag

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm exactly the same, I have work during the week again so the weekend now feels normal, if that makes any sense. When I wasn't working the days just felt the same. I don't do anything at the weekend so just get any shopping I need and it's straight back home. I really don't go anywhere x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lots of love bro. I’ve been there.

I guess doing things on your own or reaching out to friends you may have made on social media or on here and just getting together for a museum or gallery or a walk or picnic helps. It’s hard to make that first move but things come together when you do.

Hope the weekends get better pal

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By *ou only live onceMan over a year ago

London

Hey OP, first of all, don't put any pressure on yourself. There is no "right" way to spend a weekend! I suspect there will be a time soon in your life when you will really miss the quiet weekends, but I do know what you mean!

I don't know your situation, but are you still near any school/uni friends? Work colleagues were my best mates at your age - I know you said you sometimes feel like they won't want to be bothered, but have you asked?? What's the worst that could happen if you suggested grabbing a beer over the weekend??

Sports always gave me structure. Join a football team or something? I know you love the gym, so what about some classes or joining a club? Or a book group?

Sorry if any of this sounds patronising - it's not meant to..and I know you weren't looking for fixes, so I'll also just say that lots of people feel the same way and it's completely normal so don't be hard on yourself!

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By *iaisonseekerMan over a year ago

Liverpool

And don't forget to keep perspective, internalising a negative view of quiet weekends doesn't improve anyone else's weekends and is actively corrosive to your own self-esteem.

After all, you could be spending warm, summer days indoors writing frightening verse to a buck-toothed girl from Luxembourg.*

*Credit to Morrisey for that scenario

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"If you would like to start having a social life I recommend the app Meetup.

There's stacks a groups. Walking, hiking, book clubs, dining out, philosophy. It's a great way to make new friends

Thank you, I'll have a look into that! I'm sure something can come up that will be on common interest to other people

It's a brilliant app. I've a member of various groups since 2016.

The first couple of times can be a bit daunting, joining a group by yourself, but I've found people to be warm and welcoming as all were new at some point. Good luck!"

Thank you, I've looked into a few of the events already and I'm sure some of them will take my fancy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm sorry to hear that, even though you say it's fine, I bet there's always a part of you that would love to join in and it can't be fun just being on your own. Especially in a social setting

I take my laptop with me and do some work, quite often. Or read a book. It's not the point of being out and about, but it occupies my brain *shrug*

That's great if it works for you and breaks up the routine a bit. Maybe I could give that a go just to get me out

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I enjoy my own company but lucky to have a dog to share my adventures with. I would recommend you join a running, walking or climbing group so as not to be alone."

I have been looking into rock climbing but it's just been a passing thought. But those are great ideas and glad you have your dog keeping you lots of company

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

I'm sorry to hear that, even though you say it's fine, I bet there's always a part of you that would love to join in and it can't be fun just being on your own. Especially in a social setting

I take my laptop with me and do some work, quite often. Or read a book. It's not the point of being out and about, but it occupies my brain *shrug*

That's great if it works for you and breaks up the routine a bit. Maybe I could give that a go just to get me out

On Friday, I was out at a meeting on a campus just about a mile from our usual workplace. The meeting finished at about 16:15 and everyone else went back to the office for the last hour. I sat outside Cafe Nero on the campus and got just over an hour's worth of work done, in the sunshine, with a coffee and a bun. It was jolly nice actually! Give it a go, if your job facilitates it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I really want to give you a hug FH...

This is kind of how I feel. Except without the structure to my life that a Mon-Fri job would bring.

I can't think about it else I'll just sink into the pit again, but yes. I get it. Many of us do, as shown by the replies here.

I'm really sorry to hear that. You seem genuinely lovely and I'm surprised many people can feel like that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry FH. Wish I was a bit nearer and you could educate me on coffee! I hope you find some good peeps to befriend soon.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Totally know what you mean! There's loads of pressure to be having a fun time. Sometimes I just want to lie on the sofa in my pants. I struggle in the heat and don't want to spend much time sitting in the sun. "

I completely get that, I thought the same way where I thought I was completely fine being by myself but I'm not sure what's changed that recently

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No we do not feel like this at all.

Now you have it off your chest perhaps you will go and get that social life. Join a society or two. Take up a new hobby, something you never thought of doing before or something you've never heard of. Go to a few socials. There are so many good ways to develop a social life.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Most of the time I relish weekends on my own as I've got time to relax after a hectic week...time to properly sit and snuggle with pooch and watch crappy TV or read.

) interesting. I'm sure there are plenty of people in the same boat who would love a coffee and a chinwag

I think you summed it up perfectly about fear of missing out. I'd love to find someone to have a social with locally but just kinda assumed no one would be interested if I put a meet up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm exactly the same, I have work during the week again so the weekend now feels normal, if that makes any sense. When I wasn't working the days just felt the same. I don't do anything at the weekend so just get any shopping I need and it's straight back home. I really don't go anywhere x"

I used to be like that, but I think working from home really affected that so my social meter isn't drained by the weekend

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Apparently these are meant to perk everyone up. The days are getting longer, people are bustling about, enjoying drinks in the sun.

This isn't a feel sorry for me thread or please pity me thread, but it's something I felt I needed to get off my chest because it's been weighing on me for a while now

I can relate to this OP, you certainly are not alone. I hope you manage to find a resolution

I am my own worst enemy I think, I get invited out to places but I never think it's because they want to spend time with me, I think they feel obliged to and I don't want to inflict myself on people who don't really want me lol it's a weird thing and I know it's not true....crazy how the brain works.

Sometimes it's easier to do stuff alone although I do love my nights out with my sons.

That said I am a shit friend anyway, never make the first move and can go weeks without messaging them

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Lots of love bro. I’ve been there.

Hope the weekends get better pal

Thank you for the support mate and those seem like really good ideas. You are right, I do need to try and make the first move and see where it goes from there

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hey OP, first of all, don't put any pressure on yourself. There is no "right" way to spend a weekend! I suspect there will be a time soon in your life when you will really miss the quiet weekends, but I do know what you mean!

Sports always gave me structure. Join a football team or something? I know you love the gym, so what about some classes or joining a club? Or a book group?

Suggestions always help and you're not sounding patronizing at all! Clubs might be the way to go as I used to play cricket but stopped as other things got in the way. May need to try and see if I can replace that

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"And don't forget to keep perspective, internalising a negative view of quiet weekends doesn't improve anyone else's weekends and is actively corrosive to your own self-esteem.

After all, you could be spending warm, summer days indoors writing frightening verse to a buck-toothed girl from Luxembourg.*

*Credit to Morrisey for that scenario"

Absolutely! I didn't mean for this thread to make anyone else feel bad about their own weekends or how they spend them. This is a really new feeling for me as I used to very enjoy my own company with being inside

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman over a year ago

all loved up

"Have you no friends to go out with ? Socialise with?

Sending love and hugs

I have formate work mate whoni chat to and meet up with occasionally but always feel like they have other stuff of their own to do"
just go out somewhere you like.

Yes it's nice to share things with people but just go and do something for yourself and you will bump into like minded people.

Like for me.. I go pretty much every where by myself, yet when I'm away on holiday etc almost always find myself connecting with people and making new friends.

Also the best way to find something is to not look...

I am currently very isolated as have had to take a massive step away from most things I enjoy... so I plan me time dates...

This weekend coming if I'm testing negative again by then, it's a weekend of motorsport.

Don't let life be something you are always watching others participate in.... grab it and live it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm sorry to hear that, even though you say it's fine, I bet there's always a part of you that would love to join in and it can't be fun just being on your own. Especially in a social setting

I take my laptop with me and do some work, quite often. Or read a book. It's not the point of being out and about, but it occupies my brain *shrug*

That's great if it works for you and breaks up the routine a bit. Maybe I could give that a go just to get me out

That sounds like a great idea! I'm working from home and do find I have very quiet periods. I guess there's no reason for me not to take my laptop and go to a local cafe to get away for a bit

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

Oh, and I've made some new friends by going to do Parkrun on a Saturday morning. I now have a post-push buddy and we have coffee and a teacake in the pavilion after. We met on the start line about six weeks ago, when a man fell on top of me and she helped me straighten myself out

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Sorry FH. Wish I was a bit nearer and you could educate me on coffee! I hope you find some good peeps to befriend soon.

Haha thank you, I'm sure it's just a phase but I'm looking through things to see what I can find to do

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"No we do not feel like this at all.

Good luck."

No disrespect intended, but do you think that could be because you always have each other? Thank you for the suggestions for new hobbies, I think that's a great place to start!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Apparently these are meant to perk everyone up. The days are getting longer, people are bustling about, enjoying drinks in the sun.

This isn't a feel sorry for me thread or please pity me thread, but it's something I felt I needed to get off my chest because it's been weighing on me for a while now

I can relate to this OP, you certainly are not alone. I hope you manage to find a resolution

Sometimes it's easier to do stuff alone although I do love my nights out with my sons.

That said I am a shit friend anyway, never make the first move and can go weeks without messaging them

To ba fair, I've been guilty of this in the past. It's something I'm trying to get better at in terms of messaging friends but full understand the feeling of not wanting to burden them

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Have you no friends to go out with ? Socialise with?

Sending love and hugs

I have formate work mate whoni chat to and meet up with occasionally but always feel like they have other stuff of their own to do just go out somewhere you like.

Yes it's nice to share things with people but just go and do something for yourself and you will bump into like minded people.

Like for me.. I go pretty much every where by myself, yet when I'm away on holiday etc almost always find myself connecting with people and making new friends.

Also the best way to find something is to not look...

I am currently very isolated as have had to take a massive step away from most things I enjoy... so I plan me time dates...

This weekend coming if I'm testing negative again by then, it's a weekend of motorsport.

Don't let life be something you are always watching others participate in.... grab it and live it "

It's great you're able to do that, I think I've felt that if I go anywhere by myself, I'd stick out like a sore thumb. It might just be me getting inside my own head, but it is something I wish I was more comfortable with

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Oh, and I've made some new friends by going to do Parkrun on a Saturday morning. I now have a post-push buddy and we have coffee and a teacake in the pavilion after. We met on the start line about six weeks ago, when a man fell on top of me and she helped me straighten myself out

Haha that's great! I suppose in a way, friends can be made when you least expect it

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

"Most of the time I relish weekends on my own as I've got time to relax after a hectic week...time to properly sit and snuggle with pooch and watch crappy TV or read.

) interesting. I'm sure there are plenty of people in the same boat who would love a coffee and a chinwag

I think you summed it up perfectly about fear of missing out. I'd love to find someone to have a social with locally but just kinda assumed no one would be interested if I put a meet up. "

You never know unless you put a meet up and see...I'd happily join you for a social sometime as long as we can go somewhere that serves decent tea (and if you'd want to of course)

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman over a year ago

all loved up

Start small... not everyone can do it... I happily go in day trips, holidays and things like cinema trips by myself... and yet I have friends I can go with but more recently they have all become couples and I find that more difficult than going out by myself.

Find people into your interests or find something new...or volunteer for something that will have you doing something good, and the chance to meet new people .

Normally when not having to look after my youngest granddaughter, I volunteer as a marshal at racetracks all over and at a local museum. Both very different but have met some amazing people

Be brave..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to be like that, but I think working from home really affected that so my social meter isn't drained by the weekend

I'm working from home three days a week and I find it just as tiring as going into the office. By the time the weekend comes I'm shattered and that's why I don't do anything. Something's got to give x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Most of the time I relish weekends on my own as I've got time to relax after a hectic week...time to properly sit and snuggle with pooch and watch crappy TV or read.

) interesting. I'm sure there are plenty of people in the same boat who would love a coffee and a chinwag

I think you summed it up perfectly about fear of missing out. I'd love to find someone to have a social with locally but just kinda assumed no one would be interested if I put a meet up.

You never know unless you put a meet up and see...I'd happily join you for a social sometime as long as we can go somewhere that serves decent tea (and if you'd want to of course) "

That's true, I'd love to meet up for a social. I don't know much about what makes a decent tea, so I'll have to my research beforehand

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Find people into your interests or find something new...or volunteer for something that will have you doing something good, and the chance to meet new people .

Normally when not having to look after my youngest granddaughter, I volunteer as a marshal at racetracks all over and at a local museum. Both very different but have met some amazing people

Be brave.. "

Those are great ideas, especially the one about helping out and giving back a bit. I'll have a look what's around me for me to help. Hope you enjoy your motorsport weekend

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman over a year ago

all loved up

Find people into your interests or find something new...or volunteer for something that will have you doing something good, and the chance to meet new people .

Normally when not having to look after my youngest granddaughter, I volunteer as a marshal at racetracks all over and at a local museum. Both very different but have met some amazing people

Be brave..

Those are great ideas, especially the one about helping out and giving back a bit. I'll have a look what's around me for me to help. Hope you enjoy your motorsport weekend

"
its British Superbikes it will be great... as long as I can go ( currently recovering from covid)

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By *rMrsBrightsideCouple over a year ago

Newcastle

I think working from home doesn’t help. When I was doing it all the time I was sick of looking at the same 4 walls all the time. I’m much happier now I have the social interaction of being back in the office a few days a week.

Also, try not to think that everyone else is out having fun filled weekends all the time. It’s not always the case. Often our weekends are filled doing the mundane stuff that just needs doing or just being lazy. I think social media often makes us think that everyone is out there living their best lives but that isn’t the reality most of the time.

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