FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is it doomed?
Is it doomed?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You meet a guy, go on 4 or 5 dates before hitting the bedroom. You really like him by this point. He’s gorgeous and funny etc.
When you go to bed, it all goes pear shaped.
He’s of a smaller than average size so penetration doesn’t do the trick, his skills are not good and you’ve tried to teach him what you like but he just isn’t getting it. You go to bed with him another few times as you like him so much but it just isn’t working in the bedroom department. He isn’t into sharing so you can’t bring another man in. He’s put off by toys as they make him feel bad about his size.
But you really like him in all other areas.
Do you accept that your sex life will be unfulfilling to have the otherwise great guy or miss out on the great guy because sex is important?
FYI this obviously isn’t about me, I can’t be arsed to leave my house these days  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom"
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I made that mistake in the past, thinking I could forego my sexual needs cos I liked him and we clicked.
Let me just say, it lead me to carry on a relationship and cheat. Cos I wasn’t fulfilled in the bedroom but I liked the rest of him.
If sex is important to you, then I’d say definitely don’t go there and quit now. If sex isn’t important (for some it isnt) then carry on and just enjoy the rest of him.
It all depends on where sex is in your own scale of importance!
X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I made that mistake in the past, thinking I could forego my sexual needs cos I liked him and we clicked.
Let me just say, it lead me to carry on a relationship and cheat. Cos I wasn’t fulfilled in the bedroom but I liked the rest of him.
If sex is important to you, then I’d say definitely don’t go there and quit now. If sex isn’t important (for some it isnt) then carry on and just enjoy the rest of him.
It all depends on where sex is in your own scale of importance!
X"
On her scale - very important. What a shame though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is precisely why waiting for marriage to have sex doesn’t work! I remember my mum trying to push this on me as a teenager.
"
Omg yes! Imagine! We said the exact same thing! She waited too long as it happens and already liked him a lot by the time she went to bed with him. |
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"This is precisely why waiting for marriage to have sex doesn’t work! I remember my mum trying to push this on me as a teenager.
"
Meant to say, sexual compatibility is as important as everything else in a relationship |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you can live life without a decent sized guy and the other things more than make up for it then he is a keeper. If not, then he isn’t."
It wasn’t just the size, it was his general overall performance |
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"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas. "
When you say she's tried teaching him what she likes but he's not getting it, is it because they both like different things sexually? That's no more his fault than hers.
Without any knowledge of either person thereby making my opinion worthless, I'd say if she's asking advice from friends this early on in a relationship it's definitely doomed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I made that mistake in the past, thinking I could forego my sexual needs cos I liked him and we clicked.
Let me just say, it lead me to carry on a relationship and cheat. Cos I wasn’t fulfilled in the bedroom but I liked the rest of him.
If sex is important to you, then I’d say definitely don’t go there and quit now. If sex isn’t important (for some it isnt) then carry on and just enjoy the rest of him.
It all depends on where sex is in your own scale of importance!
X
On her scale - very important. What a shame though "
Then no, she’s either gonna break his heart at some point or maybe resorting to other ways to fulfill that need with other people |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas.
When you say she's tried teaching him what she likes but he's not getting it, is it because they both like different things sexually? That's no more his fault than hers.
Without any knowledge of either person thereby making my opinion worthless, I'd say if she's asking advice from friends this early on in a relationship it's definitely doomed. "
No, more like “touch me here, use this pressure, try this position” etc etc. she’s vanilla, so is he. Just general technique. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I made that mistake in the past, thinking I could forego my sexual needs cos I liked him and we clicked.
Let me just say, it lead me to carry on a relationship and cheat. Cos I wasn’t fulfilled in the bedroom but I liked the rest of him.
If sex is important to you, then I’d say definitely don’t go there and quit now. If sex isn’t important (for some it isnt) then carry on and just enjoy the rest of him.
It all depends on where sex is in your own scale of importance!
X
On her scale - very important. What a shame though
Then no, she’s either gonna break his heart at some point or maybe resorting to other ways to fulfill that need with other people "
Agree  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas.
When you say she's tried teaching him what she likes but he's not getting it, is it because they both like different things sexually? That's no more his fault than hers.
Without any knowledge of either person thereby making my opinion worthless, I'd say if she's asking advice from friends this early on in a relationship it's definitely doomed.
No, more like “touch me here, use this pressure, try this position” etc etc. she’s vanilla, so is he. Just general technique. "
Haha I see what u mean … also why do people think that vanilla is boring?
The most amazing and intense and satisfying sex was considered vanilla! Like it’s just good sex without being kinky crazy … nothing beats actually good “normal” sex 
GAAAD |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas.
When you say she's tried teaching him what she likes but he's not getting it, is it because they both like different things sexually? That's no more his fault than hers.
Without any knowledge of either person thereby making my opinion worthless, I'd say if she's asking advice from friends this early on in a relationship it's definitely doomed.
No, more like “touch me here, use this pressure, try this position” etc etc. she’s vanilla, so is he. Just general technique.
Haha I see what u mean … also why do people think that vanilla is boring?
The most amazing and intense and satisfying sex was considered vanilla! Like it’s just good sex without being kinky crazy … nothing beats actually good “normal” sex
GAAAD "
I don’t think it’s boring at all, I’m was very vanilla when I was sexually active. |
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"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas.
When you say she's tried teaching him what she likes but he's not getting it, is it because they both like different things sexually? That's no more his fault than hers.
Without any knowledge of either person thereby making my opinion worthless, I'd say if she's asking advice from friends this early on in a relationship it's definitely doomed.
No, more like “touch me here, use this pressure, try this position” etc etc. she’s vanilla, so is he. Just general technique. "
Well as I said if she's concerned this early on it doesn't bode well, especially if she's concerned enough to talk to friends about him. Has she spoken to him about it outside of the bedroom? |
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"If you can live life without a decent sized guy and the other things more than make up for it then he is a keeper. If not, then he isn’t.
It wasn’t just the size, it was his general overall performance "
Point still stands IMHO - if the sex is not good enough and she is worried about it then that is not a good sign.
The obvious outcome, going by other (typically male threads) is that her needs are not being met and she will stray. Male or female you cannot deny the sexual needs. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Compatibility has already been covered, but if he wants things to work then he would accept toys might be the answer and swallow his dumb pride."
That’s about go, he has put his foot down over that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas.
When you say she's tried teaching him what she likes but he's not getting it, is it because they both like different things sexually? That's no more his fault than hers.
Without any knowledge of either person thereby making my opinion worthless, I'd say if she's asking advice from friends this early on in a relationship it's definitely doomed.
No, more like “touch me here, use this pressure, try this position” etc etc. she’s vanilla, so is he. Just general technique.
Well as I said if she's concerned this early on it doesn't bode well, especially if she's concerned enough to talk to friends about him. Has she spoken to him about it outside of the bedroom? "
She’s said that it’s not working for her in the bedroom and he says he’ll take on board her advice but it hasn’t improved since she spoke to him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas.
When you say she's tried teaching him what she likes but he's not getting it, is it because they both like different things sexually? That's no more his fault than hers.
Without any knowledge of either person thereby making my opinion worthless, I'd say if she's asking advice from friends this early on in a relationship it's definitely doomed.
No, more like “touch me here, use this pressure, try this position” etc etc. she’s vanilla, so is he. Just general technique.
Haha I see what u mean … also why do people think that vanilla is boring?
The most amazing and intense and satisfying sex was considered vanilla! Like it’s just good sex without being kinky crazy … nothing beats actually good “normal” sex
GAAAD
I don’t think it’s boring at all, I’m was very vanilla when I was sexually active. "
No i know, it was just to say. Also seems like the guy basically doesn’t know the basics of sex. Or is just bad at it
Pity |
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That's purely a matter of your priorities and must haves in a relationship. Often Mr or Mrs nearly right comes alone to muddy the waters. I've been lucky enough to be with some great women in my time. But ultimately they have been Mrs nearly rights. Its hard to let go of a nearly right because they're nearly right and you wonder if your foolishly letting go of a good thing. But I have on a few occasions and I can confirm when you meet Mr or Mrs right (for you) you taste the difference. I've found that difference in My wonderful Girl and glad I'd make a choice to hang around and tick all my boxes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas.
When you say she's tried teaching him what she likes but he's not getting it, is it because they both like different things sexually? That's no more his fault than hers.
Without any knowledge of either person thereby making my opinion worthless, I'd say if she's asking advice from friends this early on in a relationship it's definitely doomed.
No, more like “touch me here, use this pressure, try this position” etc etc. she’s vanilla, so is he. Just general technique.
Haha I see what u mean … also why do people think that vanilla is boring?
The most amazing and intense and satisfying sex was considered vanilla! Like it’s just good sex without being kinky crazy … nothing beats actually good “normal” sex
GAAAD
I don’t think it’s boring at all, I’m was very vanilla when I was sexually active.
No i know, it was just to say. Also seems like the guy basically doesn’t know the basics of sex. Or is just bad at it
Pity"
Such a shame isn’t it. It’s rare to find someone who you really like  |
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"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas.
When you say she's tried teaching him what she likes but he's not getting it, is it because they both like different things sexually? That's no more his fault than hers.
Without any knowledge of either person thereby making my opinion worthless, I'd say if she's asking advice from friends this early on in a relationship it's definitely doomed.
No, more like “touch me here, use this pressure, try this position” etc etc. she’s vanilla, so is he. Just general technique.
Well as I said if she's concerned this early on it doesn't bode well, especially if she's concerned enough to talk to friends about him. Has she spoken to him about it outside of the bedroom?
She’s said that it’s not working for her in the bedroom and he says he’ll take on board her advice but it hasn’t improved since she spoke to him. "
To me as a very distant onlooker with zero knowledge of either person (this has never stopped me giving my opinion before  ) I'd say she should wind it up now. She's less than ten dates in with a guy she's not compatible with sexually, she likes him but neither of them owe anything to each other, it's not love and they're not hugely invested in the relationship. Time to move on to "just good friends" I'd say. It's no good flogging a dead horse |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"That's purely a matter of your priorities and must haves in a relationship. Often Mr or Mrs nearly right comes alone to muddy the waters. I've been lucky enough to be with some great women in my time. But ultimately they have been Mrs nearly rights. Its hard to let go of a nearly right because they're nearly right and you wonder if your foolishly letting go of a good thing. But I have on a few occasions and I can confirm when you meet Mr or Mrs right (for you) you taste the difference. I've found that difference in My wonderful Girl and glad I'd make a choice to hang around and tick all my boxes. "
That’s great |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
It’s a tough one.
My marriage is a bit like that. He’s really well endowed, but he never showed real interest in sex… or at least sex with me, lol.
The other parts of the marriage have been good. He is an amazing father- seriously, couldn’t have hoped for a better father for my kids! He is a good husband but the lover isn’t there. Never has been but I was in denial for many years.
So my first instinct would be to say don’t settle for a crap sex life. But what if the sex life is amazing and everything else is crap? I know someone in a situation like that. Her husband drinks, gambles, doesn’t work, but according to her he is her dream man and the sex is out of this world. 
So…. don’t know! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have him as a friend possibly. If you're not sexually compatible you're looking at a looooong life of boredom
I told her that I wouldn’t really mind, I’d enjoy doing other things with him like walking or going on bike rides.
She laughed, she likes a very active sex life but it’s such a shame as I can tell she’s really excited by him in all other areas.
When you say she's tried teaching him what she likes but he's not getting it, is it because they both like different things sexually? That's no more his fault than hers.
Without any knowledge of either person thereby making my opinion worthless, I'd say if she's asking advice from friends this early on in a relationship it's definitely doomed.
No, more like “touch me here, use this pressure, try this position” etc etc. she’s vanilla, so is he. Just general technique.
Well as I said if she's concerned this early on it doesn't bode well, especially if she's concerned enough to talk to friends about him. Has she spoken to him about it outside of the bedroom?
She’s said that it’s not working for her in the bedroom and he says he’ll take on board her advice but it hasn’t improved since she spoke to him.
To me as a very distant onlooker with zero knowledge of either person (this has never stopped me giving my opinion before ) I'd say she should wind it up now. She's less than ten dates in with a guy she's not compatible with sexually, she likes him but neither of them owe anything to each other, it's not love and they're not hugely invested in the relationship. Time to move on to "just good friends" I'd say. It's no good flogging a dead horse"
I agree. She was hoping it would get better, it’s not and it won’t |
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If the person is unwilling to learn / improve within the setting then why waste precious time on incompatible things .
I would be blunt and say the relationship is I. Jeopardy if things can’t improve In this department , if the physical sex aspect was super important to me within in the relationship.
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If he was not wanting to learn how to pleasure me as much as I was wanting to learn how to pleasure him then no. We are incompatible and I'd walk away.
Friendzone may be an option if he didn't have any bitterness. |
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"I feel I’ve just listened in to a private conversation between a group of women in a cafe.
I really worry for myself now if I date a girl. 
"
We don't all do that. My women friends and I have waaay more important things to talk about  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's never a dead end with no hope. Cock sleeve for extra size and you can learn to be more confident in bed, at any age, it just takes time and communication. Finding a guy that has everything else is much harder. I would get them to crank up the communication and be totally honest with him about it, she has nothing to lose and everything to gain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if it depends if they are willing to learn and vice versa
We all like different things and have done things a certain way for a certain amount of time. If they like it done differently to how you do it or you like it differently then tell them.
Oral sex as an example can be done in different ways. Some concentrate on some parts of the anatomy and some on others.
I had to show someone once now to stimulate my clitoris the way I liked it. Once that was shown it became great and they enjoyed it more as I did.
When it comes down to actual physical sizes it seems to be far more acceptable to say a certain size dick is what you want. Imagine implying you’ll meet someone on boob size or vagina tightness. I imagine this would be far more scorned upon.
But here’s the difference to swinging and a relationship.
If I meet someone for swinging then it’s purely about sex and maybe a coffee after. Normally a one off so yes there’s things I want
If I want a relationship then dick size isn’t really such an issue. I want someone who can offer me and let me offer them so much more |
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Sex is one of the most important factors in a relationship…it can make or break relationships.
When you’re sexually compatible, your relationship will be better too…you’ll feel closer to each other and in being closer you share more.
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex is one of the most important factors in a relationship…it can make or break relationships.
When you’re sexually compatible, your relationship will be better too…you’ll feel closer to each other and in being closer you share more.
K"
Sorry I disagree in someways. There are people who can’t have sex. Maybe something medical happened to them.
They still have hugely close relationships
There is a difference between penetrative sex and other things that can be done.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Run run run run run run run.
I always thought good sex can be built on a good relationship, but it's just not true. You're not entitled to sex with anyone, even if you're in a relationship and this frustration will just turn to dislike. |
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"This is precisely why waiting for marriage to have sex doesn’t work! I remember my mum trying to push this on me as a teenager.
"
This is why* I married the man I met as a teenager (actually MET earlier than that)
*Not really, I married him because he's intelligent, supportive, sexy, gorgeous and an absolutely amazing Dad (stepdad at the time of marriage  ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like the female in question is bending over backwards to try and make the situation work. I don't see that from the male half and he seems to be set in his ways.
If you can't communicate and take on board what your other half is saying then, it is probably doomed to failure. Sometimes ultimatums are the only choice although not ideal, I see no option here. |
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By *nimal007Couple
over a year ago
Manchester |
lot of replies so didn't read them all. so sry if im repeating what has already been said....
Be honest. tell him how you feel. if he gives a shit he will try harder accept that toys are needed....convincing someone who isnt in to the life style to accept it may be a stretch but you never know. Honesty is the way forward. and 5 date s(i assume thats 5 times sleeping together) is not enough time to teach someone how to get you there if they have zero skills!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You meet a guy, go on 4 or 5 dates before hitting the bedroom. You really like him by this point. He’s gorgeous and funny etc.
When you go to bed, it all goes pear shaped.
He’s of a smaller than average size so penetration doesn’t do the trick, his skills are not good and you’ve tried to teach him what you like but he just isn’t getting it. You go to bed with him another few times as you like him so much but it just isn’t working in the bedroom department. He isn’t into sharing so you can’t bring another man in. He’s put off by toys as they make him feel bad about his size.
But you really like him in all other areas.
Do you accept that your sex life will be unfulfilling to have the otherwise great guy or miss out on the great guy because sex is important?
FYI this obviously isn’t about me, I can’t be arsed to leave my house these days "
As we would say in my country "that making any sense" lol but on a real, unless if you're planning to cheat on him, one should end things sooner rather than later. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"lot of replies so didn't read them all. so sry if im repeating what has already been said....
Be honest. tell him how you feel. if he gives a shit he will try harder accept that toys are needed....convincing someone who isnt in to the life style to accept it may be a stretch but you never know. Honesty is the way forward. and 5 date s(i assume thats 5 times sleeping together) is not enough time to teach someone how to get you there if they have zero skills!! "
5 dates isn't enough??? I mean if he has no skills perhaps but I still don't get why guys don't try to make an effort in the bedroom at times tbh with you |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"You meet a guy, go on 4 or 5 dates before hitting the bedroom. You really like him by this point. He’s gorgeous and funny etc.
When you go to bed, it all goes pear shaped.
He’s of a smaller than average size so penetration doesn’t do the trick, his skills are not good and you’ve tried to teach him what you like but he just isn’t getting it. You go to bed with him another few times as you like him so much but it just isn’t working in the bedroom department. He isn’t into sharing so you can’t bring another man in. He’s put off by toys as they make him feel bad about his size.
But you really like him in all other areas.
Do you accept that your sex life will be unfulfilling to have the otherwise great guy or miss out on the great guy because sex is important?
FYI this obviously isn’t about me, I can’t be arsed to leave my house these days "
Ultimately people need to understand that you can't change someone or "mold" them into the person you want them to be... A person will change when they are ready to change. You can talk to them and try to explain things, you can offer advice when they ask for it, and you can lead by example...but you should never force something on them.
You can say this guy is selfish (like some of the comments suggest) , or you can say he doesn't care enough to make an effort (like some other comments suggest ), however he seems very comfortable in his own skin...I personally think he just hasn't reached the necessary maturity to understand the complexity of sex. Maybe 5 years from now....10 years from now, he will be the perfect partner (on all levels) for someone...but it won't be the woman in question (probably) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You meet a guy, go on 4 or 5 dates before hitting the bedroom. You really like him by this point. He’s gorgeous and funny etc.
When you go to bed, it all goes pear shaped.
He’s of a smaller than average size so penetration doesn’t do the trick, his skills are not good and you’ve tried to teach him what you like but he just isn’t getting it. You go to bed with him another few times as you like him so much but it just isn’t working in the bedroom department. He isn’t into sharing so you can’t bring another man in. He’s put off by toys as they make him feel bad about his size.
But you really like him in all other areas.
Do you accept that your sex life will be unfulfilling to have the otherwise great guy or miss out on the great guy because sex is important?
FYI this obviously isn’t about me, I can’t be arsed to leave my house these days
Ultimately people need to understand that you can't change someone or "mold" them into the person you want them to be... A person will change when they are ready to change. You can talk to them and try to explain things, you can offer advice when they ask for it, and you can lead by example...but you should never force something on them.
You can say this guy is selfish (like some of the comments suggest) , or you can say he doesn't care enough to make an effort (like some other comments suggest ), however he seems very comfortable in his own skin...I personally think he just hasn't reached the necessary maturity to understand the complexity of sex. Maybe 5 years from now....10 years from now, he will be the perfect partner (on all levels) for someone...but it won't be the woman in question (probably)"
I have to agree. It’s such a shame as connections are rare (in my experience) and it’s kinda sad |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I genuinely can't recall a time where I've dated a guy for a bit, but gone off him because of the sex.
I find it a bit of an odd concept "
She hasn’t gone off him, she’s really into him but not enjoying the sex aspect. |
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"You meet a guy, go on 4 or 5 dates before hitting the bedroom. You really like him by this point. He’s gorgeous and funny etc.
When you go to bed, it all goes pear shaped.
He’s of a smaller than average size so penetration doesn’t do the trick, his skills are not good and you’ve tried to teach him what you like but he just isn’t getting it. You go to bed with him another few times as you like him so much but it just isn’t working in the bedroom department. He isn’t into sharing so you can’t bring another man in. He’s put off by toys as they make him feel bad about his size.
But you really like him in all other areas.
Do you accept that your sex life will be unfulfilling to have the otherwise great guy or miss out on the great guy because sex is important?
FYI this obviously isn’t about me, I can’t be arsed to leave my house these days "
It’s over. Don’t settle for less than you want
If you want an unfulfilled sex life then fine. But personally I’d run |
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By *nimal007Couple
over a year ago
Manchester |
"lot of replies so didn't read them all. so sry if im repeating what has already been said....
Be honest. tell him how you feel. if he gives a shit he will try harder accept that toys are needed....convincing someone who isnt in to the life style to accept it may be a stretch but you never know. Honesty is the way forward. and 5 date s(i assume thats 5 times sleeping together) is not enough time to teach someone how to get you there if they have zero skills!!
5 dates isn't enough??? I mean if he has no skills perhaps but I still don't get why guys don't try to make an effort in the bedroom at times tbh with you "
Yeah my point was with no skills. i dont know why they dont either....personally i find my own pleasure intensifies if the woman gets where she is going!! |
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"I genuinely can't recall a time where I've dated a guy for a bit, but gone off him because of the sex.
I find it a bit of an odd concept
She hasn’t gone off him, she’s really into him but not enjoying the sex aspect. "
You don't make it sound that she's that into him at all |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I genuinely can't recall a time where I've dated a guy for a bit, but gone off him because of the sex.
I find it a bit of an odd concept
She hasn’t gone off him, she’s really into him but not enjoying the sex aspect.
You don't make it sound that she's that into him at all"
Really? I thought I said that age really liked him in all other aspects?
Well let me reiterate, she really likes him otherwise. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I genuinely can't recall a time where I've dated a guy for a bit, but gone off him because of the sex.
I find it a bit of an odd concept
She hasn’t gone off him, she’s really into him but not enjoying the sex aspect.
You don't make it sound that she's that into him at all"
I did! In my op I said she really likes him, he’s funny and gorgeous etc, knew I did |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP what age is this chap? If he’s in his 20’s he could just be inexperienced. Not a reason to right someone off if that is all it is
41, she’s 40"
Has she tried telling him what she likes?
If he won't try new things he's not a bad person, they're just not compatible. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OP what age is this chap? If he’s in his 20’s he could just be inexperienced. Not a reason to right someone off if that is all it is
41, she’s 40
Has she tried telling him what she likes?
If he won't try new things he's not a bad person, they're just not compatible. "
She has, she’s shown him too. I agree to be honest |
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"OP what age is this chap? If he’s in his 20’s he could just be inexperienced. Not a reason to right someone off if that is all it is
41, she’s 40
Has she tried telling him what she likes?
If he won't try new things he's not a bad person, they're just not compatible.
She has, she’s shown him too. I agree to be honest "
Me too. Lack of compatibility isn't anyone's fault.
I'm not talking about your friend here but I have noticed that people sometimes try to make something fit and will stick with it when it's obvious it's never going to be right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? "
she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters |
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"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters "
I'm a bit puzzled by this.
She's only been on about 5 dates how can she love him? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters "
So she’s tried everything she can think of to make this work and nothing has so she should just accept that she’s not going to have a great sex life from the beginning or that makes her shallow?
How do you get sexual gratification from walking in the park holding hands? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters
I'm a bit puzzled by this.
She's only been on about 5 dates how can she love him? "
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters
I'm a bit puzzled by this.
She's only been on about 5 dates how can she love him? "
She likes him but it’s definitely not love |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
No absolutely not - sex is massively important to me and the connection that comes from it, that excitement and anticipation is something I thrive on, If that isn’t there I’m likely to become bored or I’d be suppressing a side of me for someone else and I’m not prepared to do that x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters
I'm a bit puzzled by this.
She's only been on about 5 dates how can she love him? "
I said Any Chance of Love |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters
So she’s tried everything she can think of to make this work and nothing has so she should just accept that she’s not going to have a great sex life from the beginning or that makes her shallow?
How do you get sexual gratification from walking in the park holding hands? "
Sex is a very important part of a relationship for me. I want everything. |
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"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters
I'm a bit puzzled by this.
She's only been on about 5 dates how can she love him? I said Any Chance of Love "
Ok I stand corrected, any chance of love but I still don't think you can know that after five dates especially if you're already so concerned about the relationship that you're asking friends what to do.
In a long term love match I think it's different |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters
I'm a bit puzzled by this.
She's only been on about 5 dates how can she love him? I said Any Chance of Love
Ok I stand corrected, any chance of love but I still don't think you can know that after five dates especially if you're already so concerned about the relationship that you're asking friends what to do.
In a long term love match I think it's different"
He sounds like a guy she could fall for with lots of other talents I used to think that relationships were all about the physical side but I’m not so sure now maybe it’s an age thing |
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"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters
I'm a bit puzzled by this.
She's only been on about 5 dates how can she love him? I said Any Chance of Love
Ok I stand corrected, any chance of love but I still don't think you can know that after five dates especially if you're already so concerned about the relationship that you're asking friends what to do.
In a long term love match I think it's different He sounds like a guy she could fall for with lots of other talents I used to think that relationships were all about the physical side but I’m not so sure now maybe it’s an age thing "
Possibly. I'm 65 and if God forbid I was single, I would not waste my time with someone I had doubts about. I take the view that there's more behind me than in front and I don't have time to waste. That may make me shallow but I can live with that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Easy answer for the non shallow minded
Who is being shallow minded? she is if there was any chance of love then there’s an easy way to get sexual gratification if she loves him stick with it holding hands whilst walking in the park is Golden having sex with someone you love is key no matter what . Love is all that matters "
It's not shallow, sexual compatability is massive thing for most people. A fulfilling sex life is important to me, if I met someone and really liked them but sexually it just didn't work then there would be no future. If people think that's shallow then fine but I'm not going to commit to something I know isn't going to work from the beginning |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What about a penis extender "
He won’t use any toys in the bedroom as he says it de-masculinises him so I very much doubt he’d use one.
It wasn’t purely about size, it was the kissing technique, the oral technique, the general foreplay, the lot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific). |
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"I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific). "
She's already tried to find ways. He's not catching on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific).
She's already tried to find ways. He's not catching on. "
In 5 dates? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific). "
As I’ve said, multiple times above - it was not just penis size. In fact, that was just a small (pardon the pun) consideration in all of this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
That’s about go, he has put his foot down over that. "
There's your warning right there! If control after (somebody mooted 10 dates) is rearing it's ugly head, let the door slam on your way out...
Thank us later |
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By *lectrumMan
over a year ago
south shields |
"What about a penis extender
He won’t use any toys in the bedroom as he says it de-masculinises him so I very much doubt he’d use one.
It wasn’t purely about size, it was the kissing technique, the oral technique, the general foreplay, the lot "
Some blokes have either got it or they haven’t I suppose |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific).
As I’ve said, multiple times above - it was not just penis size. In fact, that was just a small (pardon the pun) consideration in all of this."
To me it sounds like she's looking for a reason to walk away. At the end of the day if she isn't feeling it for whatever reason then she's best to do that. She might not feel the same way about me that sex can get better if you like the person enough to find ways of making it work, and if sex is that important to her then yes, it's doomed and she should find someone else. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific).
As I’ve said, multiple times above - it was not just penis size. In fact, that was just a small (pardon the pun) consideration in all of this.
To me it sounds like she's looking for a reason to walk away. At the end of the day if she isn't feeling it for whatever reason then she's best to do that. She might not feel the same way about me that sex can get better if you like the person enough to find ways of making it work, and if sex is that important to her then yes, it's doomed and she should find someone else. "
If course sex is important to her, she’s in her prime!
They are clearly incompatible |
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"I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific).
She's already tried to find ways. He's not catching on.
In 5 dates?"
That's what it says in the op. Are you saying she should stick with it despite her doubts? In my opinion you work at relationships if you're *both* invested, she has expressed concerns and suggested solutions which he has rejected. What next? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific).
She's already tried to find ways. He's not catching on.
In 5 dates?
That's what it says in the op. Are you saying she should stick with it despite her doubts? In my opinion you work at relationships if you're *both* invested, she has expressed concerns and suggested solutions which he has rejected. What next?"
Well to be honest to me it seems really simple. They have two options as I see it:
1: If she likes the guy so much she's excited by him, then they can take time to get to know each other sexually, and if she wants a serious relationship that's the option I'd go for.
2: If sex is so much of a deal-breaker that she can't or won't take the time to work at it, then she should walk away and let him find someone who would be better suited for him.
That's it. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I would have been off the minute he said no to sex toys. Especially if it was no because he was insecure around them.
They are an added bonus and not a replacement and to me, any guy who can’t see that, is not for me because sexual compatibility is very important to me, i like and want a lot of knobbing.
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"I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific).
She's already tried to find ways. He's not catching on.
In 5 dates?
That's what it says in the op. Are you saying she should stick with it despite her doubts? In my opinion you work at relationships if you're *both* invested, she has expressed concerns and suggested solutions which he has rejected. What next?
Well to be honest to me it seems really simple. They have two options as I see it:
1: If she likes the guy so much she's excited by him, then they can take time to get to know each other sexually, and if she wants a serious relationship that's the option I'd go for.
2: If sex is so much of a deal-breaker that she can't or won't take the time to work at it, then she should walk away and let him find someone who would be better suited for him.
That's it. "
It isn't her who isn't willing to work on their sex life. It's him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific).
She's already tried to find ways. He's not catching on.
In 5 dates?
That's what it says in the op. Are you saying she should stick with it despite her doubts? In my opinion you work at relationships if you're *both* invested, she has expressed concerns and suggested solutions which he has rejected. What next?
Well to be honest to me it seems really simple. They have two options as I see it:
1: If she likes the guy so much she's excited by him, then they can take time to get to know each other sexually, and if she wants a serious relationship that's the option I'd go for.
2: If sex is so much of a deal-breaker that she can't or won't take the time to work at it, then she should walk away and let him find someone who would be better suited for him.
That's it.
It isn't her who isn't willing to work on their sex life. It's him."
Then she needs to work on him. The situation is the same. If she thinks he's worth the effort she should go for it. If not she should let him find someone who is better for him.
|
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"I've always found that if you really like someone, you can find ways to make the sex fulfilling. And if penis size is important enough that you'd end a potential relationship, then perhaps it's a little more shallow for you.
(You in general, not you specific).
She's already tried to find ways. He's not catching on.
In 5 dates?
That's what it says in the op. Are you saying she should stick with it despite her doubts? In my opinion you work at relationships if you're *both* invested, she has expressed concerns and suggested solutions which he has rejected. What next?
Well to be honest to me it seems really simple. They have two options as I see it:
1: If she likes the guy so much she's excited by him, then they can take time to get to know each other sexually, and if she wants a serious relationship that's the option I'd go for.
2: If sex is so much of a deal-breaker that she can't or won't take the time to work at it, then she should walk away and let him find someone who would be better suited for him.
That's it.
It isn't her who isn't willing to work on their sex life. It's him.
Then she needs to work on him. The situation is the same. If she thinks he's worth the effort she should go for it. If not she should let him find someone who is better for him.
"
I agree she needs to move on but I don't agree that she needs to work on him. Why in god's name can't he work on himself? She's given him the pointers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It depends....
Is sex important to this person. What's their drive like ?
Is an open relationship an option?
Just let the fella down gently!
(Now to read the thread to see if certain size focussed posters have joined) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
She doesn’t know his past sexual back ground he could have been abused for all she knows there’s usually a reason behind anyones problems and not everyone where it on there forehead |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
How does this sound. A Friend of mine has just met a beautiful, intelligent and attractive woman, they get on really well and have dated around 5 times recently he tried to explore the sexual side of there relationship but it failed dramatically as she was not really interested he is a very sexual person and asked her to try Anal his specialty she was not having that he then tried to show her how to give him oral sex but she vomited he ended up just wanking over her tits whilst she closed her eyes is the relationship doomed . If I had posted that what response would I get |
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To be honest sex is important as it is one of your ways of close bonding. Personally if i was not with john the next guy would have to up his game massively as far as i am concerned sex with my john is out of this world so id not want to experience lower quality as lets be honest quality counts when it comes to sex over quantity. Jo |
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"How does this sound. A Friend of mine has just met a beautiful, intelligent and attractive woman, they get on really well and have dated around 5 times recently he tried to explore the sexual side of there relationship but it failed dramatically as she was not really interested he is a very sexual person and asked her to try Anal his specialty she was not having that he then tried to show her how to give him oral sex but she vomited he ended up just wanking over her tits whilst she closed her eyes is the relationship doomed . If I had posted that what response would I get "
I would say exactly the same. I've had relationships end because of sex issues. Compatibility takes many shapes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How does this sound. A Friend of mine has just met a beautiful, intelligent and attractive woman, they get on really well and have dated around 5 times recently he tried to explore the sexual side of there relationship but it failed dramatically as she was not really interested he is a very sexual person and asked her to try Anal his specialty she was not having that he then tried to show her how to give him oral sex but she vomited he ended up just wanking over her tits whilst she closed her eyes is the relationship doomed . If I had posted that what response would I get "
She didn’t ask for anal. She didn’t ask him to do anything he didn’t want to do. He didn’t vomit.
I’m not sure why you’re taking this stance as it isn’t like this at all.
She likes him but it is very early days. She’s tried to show him how to touch her and what she likes, made suggestions like using toys etc. nothing extreme in my view. She’s really sad about it but is concerned as she enjoys sex.
I really don’t think she’s being out of order here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How does this sound. A Friend of mine has just met a beautiful, intelligent and attractive woman, they get on really well and have dated around 5 times recently he tried to explore the sexual side of there relationship but it failed dramatically as she was not really interested he is a very sexual person and asked her to try Anal his specialty she was not having that he then tried to show her how to give him oral sex but she vomited he ended up just wanking over her tits whilst she closed her eyes is the relationship doomed . If I had posted that what response would I get
She didn’t ask for anal. She didn’t ask him to do anything he didn’t want to do. He didn’t vomit.
I’m not sure why you’re taking this stance as it isn’t like this at all.
She likes him but it is very early days. She’s tried to show him how to touch her and what she likes, made suggestions like using toys etc. nothing extreme in my view. She’s really sad about it but is concerned as she enjoys sex.
I really don’t think she’s being out of order here."
If that had come from a man you would call it abuse |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How does this sound. A Friend of mine has just met a beautiful, intelligent and attractive woman, they get on really well and have dated around 5 times recently he tried to explore the sexual side of there relationship but it failed dramatically as she was not really interested he is a very sexual person and asked her to try Anal his specialty she was not having that he then tried to show her how to give him oral sex but she vomited he ended up just wanking over her tits whilst she closed her eyes is the relationship doomed . If I had posted that what response would I get
She didn’t ask for anal. She didn’t ask him to do anything he didn’t want to do. He didn’t vomit.
I’m not sure why you’re taking this stance as it isn’t like this at all.
She likes him but it is very early days. She’s tried to show him how to touch her and what she likes, made suggestions like using toys etc. nothing extreme in my view. She’s really sad about it but is concerned as she enjoys sex.
I really don’t think she’s being out of order here. If that had come from a man you would call it abuse "
Behave. Stop looking for aggro where there isn’t any. It’s certainly not abusive, that’s ridiculous statement.
They just aren’t sexually compatible, simple as that.
Happens to millions I’m sure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How does this sound. A Friend of mine has just met a beautiful, intelligent and attractive woman, they get on really well and have dated around 5 times recently he tried to explore the sexual side of there relationship but it failed dramatically as she was not really interested he is a very sexual person and asked her to try Anal his specialty she was not having that he then tried to show her how to give him oral sex but she vomited he ended up just wanking over her tits whilst she closed her eyes is the relationship doomed . If I had posted that what response would I get
She didn’t ask for anal. She didn’t ask him to do anything he didn’t want to do. He didn’t vomit.
I’m not sure why you’re taking this stance as it isn’t like this at all.
She likes him but it is very early days. She’s tried to show him how to touch her and what she likes, made suggestions like using toys etc. nothing extreme in my view. She’s really sad about it but is concerned as she enjoys sex.
I really don’t think she’s being out of order here. If that had come from a man you would call it abuse
Behave. Stop looking for aggro where there isn’t any. It’s certainly not abusive, that’s ridiculous statement.
They just aren’t sexually compatible, simple as that.
Happens to millions I’m sure. "
. If you had asked this question to a different group of people then I think you would get a completely different answer Mine is stick with him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Confidence,a drink always helps.Im not the biggest boy on the block but im filthy dirty magic fingers and tongue nobody has complained well not to me.Sexually you have to be on the same wavelenght and comfortable with each other,there must be trust and dont be a selfish knob . |
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"How does this sound. A Friend of mine has just met a beautiful, intelligent and attractive woman, they get on really well and have dated around 5 times recently he tried to explore the sexual side of there relationship but it failed dramatically as she was not really interested he is a very sexual person and asked her to try Anal his specialty she was not having that he then tried to show her how to give him oral sex but she vomited he ended up just wanking over her tits whilst she closed her eyes is the relationship doomed . If I had posted that what response would I get
She didn’t ask for anal. She didn’t ask him to do anything he didn’t want to do. He didn’t vomit.
I’m not sure why you’re taking this stance as it isn’t like this at all.
She likes him but it is very early days. She’s tried to show him how to touch her and what she likes, made suggestions like using toys etc. nothing extreme in my view. She’s really sad about it but is concerned as she enjoys sex.
I really don’t think she’s being out of order here. If that had come from a man you would call it abuse
Behave. Stop looking for aggro where there isn’t any. It’s certainly not abusive, that’s ridiculous statement.
They just aren’t sexually compatible, simple as that.
Happens to millions I’m sure. . If you had asked this question to a different group of people then I think you would get a completely different answer Mine is stick with him"
Well seeing as how hard you have taken this I'm going to assume you've been dumped before for being a crap shag. |
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"You meet a guy, go on 4 or 5 dates before hitting the bedroom. You really like him by this point. He’s gorgeous and funny etc.
When you go to bed, it all goes pear shaped.
He’s of a smaller than average size so penetration doesn’t do the trick, his skills are not good and you’ve tried to teach him what you like but he just isn’t getting it. You go to bed with him another few times as you like him so much but it just isn’t working in the bedroom department. He isn’t into sharing so you can’t bring another man in. He’s put off by toys as they make him feel bad about his size.
But you really like him in all other areas.
Do you accept that your sex life will be unfulfilling to have the otherwise great guy or miss out on the great guy because sex is important?
FYI this obviously isn’t about me, I can’t be arsed to leave my house these days "
Why are you telling everyone I have a small cock and I’m crap in bed???? |
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By *JstarsoloWoman
over a year ago
Wombwell, Barnsley |
"No.
For me, sexual compatibility is very important. I’ve forgone my needs in the past and it crushed me over time.
A happy healthy and fulfilling relationship for me has sex at the heart of it"
I totally agree with this. I wonder how much the two people involved are talking about this openly. Communication is the key. Other than that, just be friends. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No.
For me, sexual compatibility is very important. I’ve forgone my needs in the past and it crushed me over time.
A happy healthy and fulfilling relationship for me has sex at the heart of it
I totally agree with this. I wonder how much the two people involved are talking about this openly. Communication is the key. Other than that, just be friends."
She’s talked really openly about her likes and dislikes. He hasn’t as far as I’m aware. He comes across as quite set in his ways |
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