FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Emotional attachment
Emotional attachment
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi folks,
How many of you have developed emotional attachments from NSA meets?
I only ask as I’ve been surprised by how common it is.
The whole point of me joining this site was to avoid hurting people, but I’m finding it less than straightforward.
Have you got close to a meet and/or has it impacted on your other bonds?
Curious to hear your thoughts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks,
How many of you have developed emotional attachments from NSA meets?
I only ask as I’ve been surprised by how common it is.
The whole point of me joining this site was to avoid hurting people, but I’m finding it less than straightforward.
Have you got close to a meet and/or has it impacted on your other bonds?
Curious to hear your thoughts. "
I’ve got close to a few guys
Fiona xx |
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Yes, I have. I guess it’s because I can’t just have sex, I need at least a little bit of connection. Unfortunately, it’s a vicious cycle and makes the whole presence on this website very difficult for me when it happens. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, I have. I guess it’s because I can’t just have sex, I need at least a little bit of connection. Unfortunately, it’s a vicious cycle and makes the whole presence on this website very difficult for me when it happens."
I’m exactly the same. I have to have a connection and my boyfriend loves when I get attached to a guy xx |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
It’s difficult to not have an attachment at times. I met a guy a few years ago and within minutes knew we’d get on. I don’t think it was even a conscious decision, more of a butterflies in stomach moment. We saw each other regularly for about a year.
Not chatted in a while but even after we’d stopped seeing each other we were still really good friends. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Interesting replies. Thanks.
It can be a minefield, but it’s also sweet to hear.
I totally get the connection, but I try to detach out of respect for the partner. We are both going into something for uncomplicated pleasure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a good one
I try to say from the start just fun play but we are Human beings so we connect only one time I dis really like someone I seen over two years he was not from my area so made it easier when we did not see each other anymore but I do think some people do Fall in love on this site
End of the day it's a play site not a date site  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have and we did end up being in a relationship just under a year but it didn't work out.
It's easily done tbh, especially if you find you get on really well because you tend to build a friendship type connections as well as a sexual one which can lead to feelings of wanting more because if you think about it that is exactly how we build up relationships, (sex and spending time with each other, getting to know each other)
I think if you don't want to get involved with those kind of feelings it's best to keep things to a minimum imo
And for the guy who said it only happens to women this is un true cause I've met to younger guys on here and both of them fell for me and it didn't end well cause I didn't feel the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, one meet got regular, we got close Which lead to emotional ties, it didn’t work out long term, I suppose some people just click and fall for each other "
Same here...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes it's the sex your connecting with, not the person. It's easy to confuse the two when your invested sexually. If people struggle to detatch sex and relationships, NSAs aren't for them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends how you define attachment I suppose. I find that I click and connect with people really easily and form an emotional connection with someone in almost minuets which I really like about myself because it really helps me in my line of work, but more importantly I think it’s my way of saying I trust you, do you trust me?
Obviously it’s backfired on more than one occasion but I look at the connections I have in my life now, both plutonic and sex wise and couldn’t really ask for more. |
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Yes. With my fwb. When I first realised I was a bit too feely with them I decided to stop seeing them. Then I realised that actually, it’s ok to have feelings and a connection with someone without anything changing. We both know we could never be anything more than we are now so I just embrace it.
That’s not for everyone though, some wouldn’t be able to manage not having ‘more’ and would end up getting hurt. |
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By *unner6969Man
over a year ago
Bucks/London/Oxford |
"Yes, I have. I guess it’s because I can’t just have sex, I need at least a little bit of connection. Unfortunately, it’s a vicious cycle and makes the whole presence on this website very difficult for me when it happens."
Generally, I agree. A level of emotional attachment is vital/inevitable. I’ve rarely had one-night stands - while the excitement of spontaneous lust can be great, the build-up and excitement of seeing a regular partner is hard to beat; especially as the sexual relationship develops too.
And let’s face it, good conversation and laughter is an essential part too. Great to have a connection. Even using this site, I’ve usually developed ‘relationships’ and seen the partner(s) more than once. Probably about 90% repeat meets, I’d guess - and I look forward to each one. Relocating all over the country with my work tends to be the only limiting factor. |
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"Yes. With my fwb. When I first realised I was a bit too feely with them I decided to stop seeing them. Then I realised that actually, it’s ok to have feelings and a connection with someone without anything changing. We both know we could never be anything more than we are now so I just embrace it.
That’s not for everyone though, some wouldn’t be able to manage not having ‘more’ and would end up getting hurt."
Love this. Emotional Intelligence is so important  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like a connection at some level. And an emotional attachment isn’t out of the spectrum for me. I want to like the person I get naked and share something as wonderful as sex.
A friend will have a lot of emotional value to me. And I will avoid hurting any of my friends the best I can.
But you sound like your talking about falling for someone, and that’s a whole different ball game. You can try and avoid this all you like, it’s how you deal with it that stops all the hurt. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I think the majority of us are able to realise if we've grown fond of the good fucking or the person.
Personally, it takes me a long time to form an emotional attachment because I can be quite closed off. When I do though? I embrace the feelings. They're not bad things in the slightest, it's how they're handled that can be. I love the feelings I have for someone who, shock horror, isn't my fiancé.
The wonderful thing about this site is you don't have to have a particular type of sexual dynamic, as long as you're compatible with the other person(s) that's fantastic - if you want NSA, great, so do others. If you want something with feelings, brilliant. So do others. It's about finding those you have common ground with.
I think with any dynamic you *should* be having open and very honest discussions about things, whether that's sexual health if you're fucking, discussing openly where things are, if you're feeling uncomfortable. Encourage an environment that you're able to nip things in the bud if they aren't working. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes now its gone and taken my humanity with it i will not allow emotion of any kind now makes life so much less but at least i dont care that lifes much less any more |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had feelings and close bonds with people I've had sex with from here but I wasn't looking for NSA at the time, I wanted that connection. I prefer getting to know someone over time and building up on the friendship,it's why I look for FWB's and not just one offs.
Px |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes. With my fwb. When I first realised I was a bit too feely with them I decided to stop seeing them. Then I realised that actually, it’s ok to have feelings and a connection with someone without anything changing. We both know we could never be anything more than we are now so I just embrace it.
That’s not for everyone though, some wouldn’t be able to manage not having ‘more’ and would end up getting hurt."
I think its only normal to develop feelings to someone you meet regularly and spend a lot of time together 
Enjoy it while you can 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex when there's feelings involved is so much better, at least it is for me anyway. Otherwise sex can be a bit mechanical, that's why I don't do NSA.
Doesn't mean there has to be any kind of commitment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yup, a FWB and I became very close and soon developed feelings. We began playing very regularly, sometimes 4 to 5 times a week over 18 months. I guess it was going to happen with being so regular but we knew eachother before hand too. |
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"Sex when there's feelings involved is so much better, at least it is for me anyway. Otherwise sex can be a bit mechanical, that's why I don't do NSA.
Doesn't mean there has to be any kind of commitment. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I won’t have sex with anyone without whom I have a good emotional and intellectual connection. I believe it’s vital - at least for me - it is.
There isn’t a hard line between “having emotional involvement” or “not having emotional involvement”. It seems to me that you’re not being honest with yourself about what best feeds your mind and if you open up to the idea of actually nurturing an emotional connection with someone, albeit within the boundaries of what is unconventional a relationship, maybe you’ll feel massively rewarded. Perhaps you’re fighting this?
I am always at a loss to understand why people feel that having a good emotional connection is the reserve of only those wanting a conventional vanilla/monogamous relationship.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had FWBs I've become very fond off for years then ended the time with amicably, and 1 I ended up married to.
I'd say it was successful where we were intimate & friendly but never cuddly, loving or romantic, socialising out & about was there, but limited as the focus was kinky nights, plus the vibe was more matey with fun sex.
My husband was an exception, we ended up on a clearly defined date, then started dating/ behaving differently.
Boundaries help keep it fond without the grey area. If you act like your dating, you get on & have good sex... Its gonna go that way. But keeping it light & communicating honestly & having your actions back up your words (mates not dates out of bed) then its more organic, and everyone knows where they stand. And sadly if one person develops the feels, its maybe time for some space. Or go with it, and see what happens |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I won’t have sex with anyone without whom I have a good emotional and intellectual connection. I believe it’s vital - at least for me - it is.
There isn’t a hard line between “having emotional involvement” or “not having emotional involvement”. It seems to me that you’re not being honest with yourself about what best feeds your mind and if you open up to the idea of actually nurturing an emotional connection with someone, albeit within the boundaries of what is unconventional a relationship, maybe you’ll feel massively rewarded. Perhaps you’re fighting this?
I am always at a loss to understand why people feel that having a good emotional connection is the reserve of only those wanting a conventional vanilla/monogamous relationship.
"
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Can't exactly say no because to me things don't fall into neat boxes, yes/no, A or B, etc. I see love and freindship as a spectrum full of different kinds of love, freindship and arrangements. Sometimes it's been clearly NSA or a great encounter at a club or ONS. But often there's been freindship and connection and a form of love. Just to clarify love to me isn't just romantic love, there's different and genuine love like that you have for your family or your freinds for example. So for me it's perfectly natural to have loving freindships with women were sex is an element of that freindship or to form some kind of a bond over sex. Sex not motivated over traditional romance but over exceptance of each other, sharing intimacy and just because it's fun and feel lovely. Naturally with any kind of connection or freindship you form some kind of a bond or attachment. And that's ok. It's ok to have different levels of attachments and relationships and not be scared of that. It's very important though to be honest with the nature of how you see it and that the other person is so back.
However all that said I also realise that no everyone works in a big spectrum and for a lot of people it is a case of this box or that box. And thus genuine care, tenderness and spending time outside of the bedroom can be seen as crossing the devide into the romantic box for them, where I see it in that middle ground that may not exist for them. I understand that and I understand that sometimes that has lead to a woman wanting more from me than I want to give to her. It ok, its perfectly human, we don't always want the same thing from each other or see the world the same. I think the key is communicate loads and be open and honest. This clearly helps if you chose people in the first place that are open, honest and good at articulating them self. Quality's that are very attractive to me and make things so much easier.
And then there is My Girl. We meet looking just for sex. Sparked on the first meet (despite a slow start) and left hand in hand. And it wasn't too long after that it was officially the big L and a wedding on the cards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My fwbs have been guys I have got close to. If I didn't then I couldn't have sex with them and when I do they stay as friends. I still meet my first ever Fab meet for coffee and have a fwb relationship that has lasted 10 years. So if you get me you're in it for the long haul  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I have …..
Both times, things naturally progressed into a kind of relationship. I don’t like naming them with acronyms and never have.
First time was 12 years ago, I’d just got divorced and during it I found the emotions tricky - he was fabulous though. It ended naturally.
The other I walked away from due to something really silly - I still speak to him and we’re good friends.
Emotional maturity grew for me ( thankfully) and I know that because of what life has thrown at me and the person I am now, I don’t want a fully committed relationship anymore. However, a friend said recently not to count it out !!
Where I am now, I can do emotions when meeting - I need them, I’m human and not just a machine. I can’t just fuck and go !! I just know I can walk away thinking ‘ that was fucking lovely’
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Yes, I have. It was too easy as I've never had luck with guys and he was very caring and made me feel good about myself.
He didn't feel the same way though and told me he's not looking for anything serious so we will never have the type of relationship I want....fast forward we're getting married in two months time
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, I have. It was too easy as I've never had luck with guys and he was very caring and made me feel good about myself.
He didn't feel the same way though and told me he's not looking for anything serious so we will never have the type of relationship I want....fast forward we're getting married in two months time
K"
Ahhh  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Endorphins are released into the body during sexual activity , Oxytocin known as the love drug is released into the brain from the peneal gland during orgasm making us feel great. add in the fact we actually like the personality of the person who is doing the acts that are releasing these feel good chemicals into our brains and it a inevitable fact that you will develope a emotional attachment to that person .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, I have. It was too easy as I've never had luck with guys and he was very caring and made me feel good about myself.
He didn't feel the same way though and told me he's not looking for anything serious so we will never have the type of relationship I want....fast forward we're getting married in two months time
K"
His loss. |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
It's only natural as human beings...sex is a catalyst of emotions and feelings in itself and once it becomes regular and you add the friendship element to it, where you go out for drinks, movies and you do fun activities outside the bedroom, it's very much just a step away from an actual relationship...however it is what you promise eachother from the beginning and how honest you are with eachother throughout that friendship (with benefits)... if I tell you from the start I do not want us to develop deeper feelings than friendship and in time I remind you or prove to you through my actions that I still hold on to that promise...than I expect you to respect and honour that. If at any point any of my fwb would develop deeper feelings I would want them to be honest and expect them to end it straight away.
No matter how amazing a woman is and how compatible (sexually, emotionally, mentally ) we seem and how much I start to care about her...if I don't start a "journey " with a woman, with that emotional connection towards the idea of potentially becoming more than friends or friends with benefits...it will never happen for me. My loyalty towards my promises and word are simply more important than feelings ... |
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I have to like people on a superficial level but I can only become attached if I know someone very well, I don't think that's possible in a few hours. I also approach this with the mind set of a couple rather than as an individual which probably influences how I feel about people. |
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Feelings and emotions are complex and varied. Yes I have formed good friendships with people as building something is important to me. I want desire, passion and intimacy when I’m having sex. There is definitely a fondness there with some people. However these are not romantic feelings, I know where to draw the line and that these are only temporary feeling which will fade and we will both move on. I enjoy feeling that way about people though.
Kx |
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By *unner6969Man
over a year ago
Bucks/London/Oxford |
"Yes. With my fwb. When I first realised I was a bit too feely with them I decided to stop seeing them. Then I realised that actually, it’s ok to have feelings and a connection with someone without anything changing. We both know we could never be anything more than we are now so I just embrace it.
That’s not for everyone though, some wouldn’t be able to manage not having ‘more’ and would end up getting hurt."
Yes, this - exactly. It is possible to ‘love’ two people differently. The FwB has to understand and be content with the limits of the relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think lines are more easily blurred when actions and chat are not in sync.
For example, person A saying its only FWB/NSA then treating person B like a partner or someone they are dating. Person B could then interpret that as Person A not being honest/sure with themself, maybe wanting it be having a block holding them back, fear, baggage, etc. To prevent any mixed signals or uncertainty if they talk about it, agree what behaviour is acceptable for both & what they want/mean by a FWB/NSA relationship then everyone is clear on what it is, where its going or not going, what's OK and not OK.
People aren't robots, fondness and feelings develop but it doesn't have to be a big deal unless its messy and vague. Friendship also makes sex better, there's more trust which allows inhibitions to lower |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Feelings and emotions are complex and varied. Yes I have formed good friendships with people as building something is important to me. I want desire, passion and intimacy when I’m having sex. There is definitely a fondness there with some people. However these are not romantic feelings, I know where to draw the line and that these are only temporary feeling which will fade and we will both move on. I enjoy feeling that way about people though.
Kx"
Ah this was put much better!xo |
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I was regularly seeing a fully bi couple a few years ago. I was his first guy. We met every 3-6 weeks at theirs after a pint. She loved all the play & she could orgasm watching us guys play.
The new lingerie for each meet had to have my approval.
She often asked hubbies permission to hug me in his absence (ciggy or loo) & the hugs got stronger, deeper, she’d sneak in snogs & it got more passionate. I really liked her but I’d agreed on the boundaries.
We stopped playing as his new shifts got in the way. He then let me know they had divorced.
Personally, they were a lovely caring couple, I’ve great & loving warm memories of all our time together.
But yes, I’d date her tomorrow if I met her again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, it's just sex xx"
You can have sex with someone without emotional attachment coming into it. It's difficult at times as Mr PD needs the connection and I really don't. I don't seek it or want it for me it's just sex, I don't want another relationship. |
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"Think lines are more easily blurred when actions and chat are not in sync.
For example, person A saying its only FWB/NSA then treating person B like a partner or someone they are dating. Person B could then interpret that as Person A not being honest/sure with themself, maybe wanting it be having a block holding them back, fear, baggage, etc. To prevent any mixed signals or uncertainty if they talk about it, agree what behaviour is acceptable for both & what they want/mean by a FWB/NSA relationship then everyone is clear on what it is, where its going or not going, what's OK and not OK.
People aren't robots, fondness and feelings develop but it doesn't have to be a big deal unless its messy and vague. Friendship also makes sex better, there's more trust which allows inhibitions to lower "
This is where emotional maturity, openness, honesty and the ability to communicate is so important and save (as much as possible) hurt feelings. Not only from yourself but from the other person. That why these are traits I look for in others. I like cards to be out on the table. We can't all always want or feel the same thing. These things are a spectrum and sometimes personal life circumstances play a part too. But if we can be open and understand where each other is then there far better chances of better outcomes for everyone. I hate people playing games.
I also think if you want to experience these great connections you also have to accept that often getting hurt or hurting someone to some extent is part of it. So you learn not to fear getting hurt so much. I think mutual decency and good communication can vastly reduce this risk and the level of hurt. And also its ok that somethings don't last forever, they have a shelf life. |
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I saw an interview with a guy years ago. He once ran the biggest swingers club in the UK, up north I believe.
When asked what he saw most of at his club. He answered “Divorce by a long way! People are basically giving their partners full freedom to find someone who they have more chemistry with.”
As I posted prior, I really liked a female at a regular meet. Passion may be unleashed during a meet but I’d never want to be emotionally between a happy couple.
I dont wish divorce or splits on anyone that embraces the swinging lifestyle & why I stick to the boundaries set before a meet.
I’m also a believer in parties too, everyone’s sharing a group of people. It’s fun not dating, as the lady said earlier.  |
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It can happen and has in the past, but you have to be honest with them & yourself, speak up and/or walk away.
The people I meet I tend to be friends with or a friendship develops, with that comes a level of emotion. I care about their wellbeing as I would any friend.
When I’m with them, they have my attention, time & any emotions 100% and for some looking in it may seem more than a friendship. However, when I walk out that door that time is done and the friendship continues as like any other person, until we meet again. |
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"I saw an interview with a guy years ago. He once ran the biggest swingers club in the UK, up north I believe.
When asked what he saw most of at his club. He answered “Divorce by a long way! People are basically giving their partners full freedom to find someone who they have more chemistry with.”
As I posted prior, I really liked a female at a regular meet. Passion may be unleashed during a meet but I’d never want to be emotionally between a happy couple.
I dont wish divorce or splits on anyone that embraces the swinging lifestyle & why I stick to the boundaries set before a meet.
I’m also a believer in parties too, everyone’s sharing a group of people. It’s fun not dating, as the lady said earlier. "
Are people mistaking "chemistry" (which I think is probably sexual attraction) for love? There was probably a problem in these relationships long before swinging entered the fray |
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"I saw an interview with a guy years ago. He once ran the biggest swingers club in the UK, up north I believe.
When asked what he saw most of at his club. He answered “Divorce by a long way! People are basically giving their partners full freedom to find someone who they have more chemistry with.”
As I posted prior, I really liked a female at a regular meet. Passion may be unleashed during a meet but I’d never want to be emotionally between a happy couple.
I dont wish divorce or splits on anyone that embraces the swinging lifestyle & why I stick to the boundaries set before a meet.
I’m also a believer in parties too, everyone’s sharing a group of people. It’s fun not dating, as the lady said earlier.
Are people mistaking "chemistry" (which I think is probably sexual attraction) for love? There was probably a problem in these relationships long before swinging entered the fray"
I agree as some people think that a relationship that’s not fun anymore can be fixed by adding other fun. It’s not always the way.
I’m always glad to see couples that are strong enough to swing & be happy for each other.
It’s a lovely thing to behold, |
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I've cared about all my FWB's. Apart from the amazing sex we've had, we have also built a great friendship which means we have socialised and done normal stuff instead of just having sex. I need/want that type of connection or there wouldn't be the benefits x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Think lines are more easily blurred when actions and chat are not in sync.
For example, person A saying its only FWB/NSA then treating person B like a partner or someone they are dating. Person B could then interpret that as Person A not being honest/sure with themself, maybe wanting it be having a block holding them back, fear, baggage, etc. To prevent any mixed signals or uncertainty if they talk about it, agree what behaviour is acceptable for both & what they want/mean by a FWB/NSA relationship then everyone is clear on what it is, where its going or not going, what's OK and not OK.
People aren't robots, fondness and feelings develop but it doesn't have to be a big deal unless its messy and vague. Friendship also makes sex better, there's more trust which allows inhibitions to lower "
I think this is the reason a lot of people struggle |
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Not from that kind of meet, the only person I'm really fond of and genuinely care about is the only I guy I see regularly. We knew each other from years ago, and found each other on here last year.
He's one of very few I feel completely comfortable with. I get to have the intimacy and closeness I need. |
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"I saw an interview with a guy years ago. He once ran the biggest swingers club in the UK, up north I believe.
When asked what he saw most of at his club. He answered “Divorce by a long way! People are basically giving their partners full freedom to find someone who they have more chemistry with.”
As I posted prior, I really liked a female at a regular meet. Passion may be unleashed during a meet but I’d never want to be emotionally between a happy couple.
I dont wish divorce or splits on anyone that embraces the swinging lifestyle & why I stick to the boundaries set before a meet.
I’m also a believer in parties too, everyone’s sharing a group of people. It’s fun not dating, as the lady said earlier.
Are people mistaking "chemistry" (which I think is probably sexual attraction) for love? There was probably a problem in these relationships long before swinging entered the fray
I agree as some people think that a relationship that’s not fun anymore can be fixed by adding other fun. It’s not always the way.
I’m always glad to see couples that are strong enough to swing & be happy for each other.
It’s a lovely thing to behold, "
I reckon that for a lot of people sex is the most important thing in their relationship. If that is so they are going to leave if something better comes along or they have problems with their sex life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It can happen and has in the past, but you have to be honest with them & yourself, speak up and/or walk away.
The people I meet I tend to be friends with or a friendship develops, with that comes a level of emotion. I care about their wellbeing as I would any friend.
When I’m with them, they have my attention, time & any emotions 100% and for some looking in it may seem more than a friendship. However, when I walk out that door that time is done and the friendship continues as like any other person, until we meet again. "
This is very similar to how I feel about things. |
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"
This is where emotional maturity, openness, honesty and the ability to communicate is so important and save (as much as possible) hurt feelings. Not only from yourself but from the other person. That why these are traits I look for in others. I like cards to be out on the table. We can't all always want or feel the same thing. These things are a spectrum and sometimes personal life circumstances play a part too. But if we can be open and understand where each other is then there far better chances of better outcomes for everyone. I hate people playing games.
I also think if you want to experience these great connections you also have to accept that often getting hurt or hurting someone to some extent is part of it. So you learn not to fear getting hurt so much. I think mutual decency and good communication can vastly reduce this risk and the level of hurt. And also its ok that somethings don't last forever, they have a shelf life."
those big connections are amazing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've had FWBs I've become very fond off for years then ended the time with amicably, and 1 I ended up married to.
I'd say it was successful where we were intimate & friendly but never cuddly, loving or romantic, socialising out & about was there, but limited as the focus was kinky nights, plus the vibe was more matey with fun sex.
My husband was an exception, we ended up on a clearly defined date, then started dating/ behaving differently.
Boundaries help keep it fond without the grey area. If you act like your dating, you get on & have good sex... Its gonna go that way. But keeping it light & communicating honestly & having your actions back up your words (mates not dates out of bed) then its more organic, and everyone knows where they stand. And sadly if one person develops the feels, its maybe time for some space. Or go with it, and see what happens "
This 100%
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I’ll readily admit that I’ve changed a lot with regard to what I’m looking for on fab since I joined over 8 years ago.
Now all I’m really interested in are a few partners who I’m genuinely very fond of - and vice versa - that I have amazing sex with.
I’m definitely not looking for a relationship - but if a friendship develops into a relationship/love and I think we’d make each other happy then so be it.
What usually happens is that they don’t reciprocate my feelings and my guts get torn out though - which isn’t as much fun as you might think! However - it’s years since I last got ‘caught’ and I think I’m far more canny now. Also I have a pretty good life at the moment and don’t feel I need a relationship to complete it - certainly not a 24/7 monogamous one anyway. |
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I get close to people but I'm able to accept the limitations. They become good friends that I'm fond of but I don't want more.
It definitely can happen to both genders but I would guess it's more common in women to want more.
I don't get jealous though. |
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"No it's usually women this happens too"
I stopped meeting 121 due to men declaring feelings after a few meets. Made very few exceptions over the years. I'm close to people I am fwb but not romantically close
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I wouldn't want to meet a single guy who went to great pains to make it clear to me that even if we were to see each other regularly and not just for the sex, that there would be no room for emotion or progression of the relationship.
It seems very closed off to me and very much on his terms |
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"My loyalty towards my promises and word are simply more important than feelings ..."
I find reading that a little sad - that you could potentially miss out on an amazing lifelong relationship with someone merely because you started out as fb’s and therefore would be completely unwilling to allow things to develop.
Your loyalty towards your promises and word are likely to be poor company when you’re getting on in years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks,
How many of you have developed emotional attachments from NSA meets?
I only ask as I’ve been surprised by how common it is.
The whole point of me joining this site was to avoid hurting people, but I’m finding it less than straightforward.
Have you got close to a meet and/or has it impacted on your other bonds?
Curious to hear your thoughts. "
I have a few times, sometimes you just click with someone and then it's a little more than sex. Like other dating sites, this allows you to meet new people. However though it is supposed to be casual, how you interact with someone is your own prerogative so there is more than enough soil to allow emotional attachments to bloom if the season allows it. |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"My loyalty towards my promises and word are simply more important than feelings ...
I find reading that a little sad - that you could potentially miss out on an amazing lifelong relationship with someone merely because you started out as fb’s and therefore would be completely unwilling to allow things to develop.
Your loyalty towards your promises and word are likely to be poor company when you’re getting on in years. "
The last part of your comment was a bit of a low blow... I understand that I might loose on a potential good relationship having this principle, but I am also comfortable enough with that outcome. I don't believe in soul mates or that there is that perfect someone for everyone...I believe that many people have the potential to be a long lasting partner...and it's all about timing, wants and compatibility with two people.
So when I decide I want a relationship again, I will no longer have friends with benefits and I will start dating with the idea of getting to know someone and letting things progress naturally into a potential long-term relationship ( I will be emotionally connected to that idea - because for me that is important). Many people start a relationship with "let's just see what happens" and I personally think that is a childish approach to it (I'm not saying it doesn't work for some people), but for me to be clear about your intentions from the beginning is fundamental. |
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"My loyalty towards my promises and word are simply more important than feelings ...
I find reading that a little sad - that you could potentially miss out on an amazing lifelong relationship with someone merely because you started out as fb’s and therefore would be completely unwilling to allow things to develop.
Your loyalty towards your promises and word are likely to be poor company when you’re getting on in years.
The last part of your comment was a bit of a low blow... I understand that I might loose on a potential good relationship having this principle, but I am also comfortable enough with that outcome. I don't believe in soul mates or that there is that perfect someone for everyone...I believe that many people have the potential to be a long lasting partner...and it's all about timing, wants and compatibility with two people.
So when I decide I want a relationship again, I will no longer have friends with benefits and I will start dating with the idea of getting to know someone and letting things progress naturally into a potential long-term relationship ( I will be emotionally connected to that idea - because for me that is important). Many people start a relationship with "let's just see what happens" and I personally think that is a childish approach to it (I'm not saying it doesn't work for some people), but for me to be clear about your intentions from the beginning is fundamental."
Why do you think it's childish?
Could it not just be a straightforward way of approaching it if the people involved don't have specific must haves when it comes to relationships? |
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My hotwife had just explained, whilst the majority of men are just extra sex toys. Our stag n vixen lifestyle at the moment the whole idea is to find a regular bull she can just call on when needed. So some sort of connection has to be made. But there can not be jealousy by either bull or my wife if they or she has another bull to play with. My wife likes a lot of cock and enjoys multiple. But she knows BECAUSE of the connection when she sees him she's guaranteed a good time. More a friendship than emotional tie I think! |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"My loyalty towards my promises and word are simply more important than feelings ...
I find reading that a little sad - that you could potentially miss out on an amazing lifelong relationship with someone merely because you started out as fb’s and therefore would be completely unwilling to allow things to develop.
Your loyalty towards your promises and word are likely to be poor company when you’re getting on in years.
The last part of your comment was a bit of a low blow... I understand that I might loose on a potential good relationship having this principle, but I am also comfortable enough with that outcome. I don't believe in soul mates or that there is that perfect someone for everyone...I believe that many people have the potential to be a long lasting partner...and it's all about timing, wants and compatibility with two people.
So when I decide I want a relationship again, I will no longer have friends with benefits and I will start dating with the idea of getting to know someone and letting things progress naturally into a potential long-term relationship ( I will be emotionally connected to that idea - because for me that is important). Many people start a relationship with "let's just see what happens" and I personally think that is a childish approach to it (I'm not saying it doesn't work for some people), but for me to be clear about your intentions from the beginning is fundamental.
Why do you think it's childish?
Could it not just be a straightforward way of approaching it if the people involved don't have specific must haves when it comes to relationships?"
You can say it's straightforward in a way, but from my perspective it still lacks intention...and it's this carefree attitude towards it that makes it a bit more childish from my pov (meh what ever happens happens)...I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, as it definitely works for some people. However that's not a way I would approach a relationship...and that's just my opinion, and no one here should be offended or make them feel "it's sad", because I am perfectly content with my choices
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This question comes up often.
I still maintain that many people confuse their feelings.
I believe many confuse their own neediness with LOVE and imagine that they have developed feelings for others when the feelings are , quite often, just the desire to be wanted, needed, to have company etc......
The need is for the self.
I do have attachments of various degrees to certain people I know , meet and enjoy sexual relationships with.
It's a love of the other. If anything happened to them I'd sense loss. I'd feel it emotionally. I care about them.
It's not chocolate box romantic possessive love..... it's more akin to agape ... it is 'Ai' rather than 'Koi' ...
They are great friends but I don't want to live with them or be exclusive to them .....
I knew what NSA meant when I took it as a life style and I am mature enough not to latch on to the first person that shows me affection or attention.
Old age or lonleiness are NEVER a reason to hook up with someone and live a miserable now for some promise that can't be guaranteed. |
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"This question comes up often.
I still maintain that many people confuse their feelings.
I believe many confuse their own neediness with LOVE and imagine that they have developed feelings for others when the feelings are , quite often, just the desire to be wanted, needed, to have company etc......
The need is for the self.
I do have attachments of various degrees to certain people I know , meet and enjoy sexual relationships with.
It's a love of the other. If anything happened to them I'd sense loss. I'd feel it emotionally. I care about them.
It's not chocolate box romantic possessive love..... it's more akin to agape ... it is 'Ai' rather than 'Koi' ...
They are great friends but I don't want to live with them or be exclusive to them .....
I knew what NSA meant when I took it as a life style and I am mature enough not to latch on to the first person that shows me affection or attention.
Old age or lonleiness are NEVER a reason to hook up with someone and live a miserable now for some promise that can't be guaranteed. "
I couldn’t have described it better myself - thanks Granny |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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All interesting takes. Thanks for all the replies.
I’ve had a few concerned messages on here so I’d like to point out I just thought it was an interesting topic. I haven’t fallen in love quite yet, but thanks for asking! xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When it comes down to it, there is no such thing as no strings attached with a fuck buddy of fwb.
If you want regular with one person, then emotions are going to get involved somewhere. They aren’t always love feels or attachment, sometimes it’s just good friendship that develops, which is fine, but if it’s love then it gets complicated.
People don’t communicate well either.
Regardless though, if you want NSA then don’t meet more than once. Otherwise strings get attached. It’s human nature. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think communication is key here. I have met only a couple ofladies here but we both made it plain from the outset that love can not happen. Difficult as for me, there needs to be a connection in the first place, I’m not gonna jump into bed with anyone!
Easier if it’s fun and games, role play etc etc Tom keep the two separate x |
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That's not strictly true.
It's an over simplified understanding of oxytocin that often leads to people thinking any good sex inevitably leads to emotional attachment.
Yet, multitudes of swingers will attest to the fact that it is not quite so inevitable.
"Endorphins are released into the body during sexual activity , Oxytocin known as the love drug is released into the brain from the peneal gland during orgasm making us feel great. add in the fact we actually like the personality of the person who is doing the acts that are releasing these feel good chemicals into our brains and it a inevitable fact that you will develope a emotional attachment to that person .
"
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"Hi folks,
How many of you have developed emotional attachments from NSA meets?
I only ask as I’ve been surprised by how common it is.
The whole point of me joining this site was to avoid hurting people, but I’m finding it less than straightforward.
Have you got close to a meet and/or has it impacted on your other bonds?
Curious to hear your thoughts. "
We hate cold/mechanical sex and prefer the more intimate encounters with lots of two way kissing, cuddling, caressing and foreplay with friends we meet on a regular, frequent basis. There will be an emotional attachment and we welcome it yet it will never match or exceed the one we have as a long term, devoted and very much in love couple. You can be emotionally attached to vanilla friends and upset if they leave, so why not sexual friends too !. Yes some can get overly attached, we've heard of this with other couples and it caused serious grief and jealousy but you have to manage this with strict, agreed boundaries... |
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