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What is an unspoken universal rule all males know
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Public toilets should be left immaculate. Sadly, the rule is both known and ignored. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You must wipe it on the curtains before you leave, like marking your territory  |
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"  "
Don’t fuck your mother-in-law.
And don’t make wild promises about running through the streets naked if man United don’t win the league, unless you have the balls to go through with it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You don't need to read the instructions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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More than 3 shakes is a criminal offence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke "
If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One pint does not mean one pint. |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
If a sign says "don't touch something...", you have to touch it |
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"
Don’t fuck your mother-in-law.
And don’t make wild promises about running through the streets naked if man United don’t win the league, unless you have the balls to go through with it! "
Who said that  |
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke
If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later. "
Or go into a cubicle for a slash, leaving the door open so people don’t think you’re having a shit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke
If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later.
Or go into a cubicle for a slash, leaving the door open so people don’t think you’re having a shit "
But if you do this when all urinals are free it’s universally accepted that you have a small penis. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never put ot in the wrong hole with out ask first |
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If she says I’m gonna cum he must immediately cum and spoil it for her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she says I’m gonna cum he must immediately cum and spoil it for her. "
Your logics flawed what if he's one of those very elusive legendary multiple cummers .you know the type they can fill a bucket and still be pumping it out |
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"One pint does not mean one pint."
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If a woman says she’s fine then she’s not fine .. |
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If she tells you to do what you like, definitely do not do it |
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"If a woman says she’s fine then she’s not fine .."
It’s alright though. If she says she’s fine then you’re in the clear. |
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If she says honestly I don’t want any presents. - she definitely does |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she says “I was thinking….” be prepared to be bankrupt. |
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By *yronMan
over a year ago
grangemouth |
"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke
If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later. "
Or use the cubicle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she says “I was thinking….” be prepared to be bankrupt."
Or very sore from the diy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she says “I was thinking….” be prepared to be bankrupt.
Or very sore from the diy"
It usually means we’re getting new carpets or sofas  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke
If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later.
Or go into a cubicle for a slash, leaving the door open so people don’t think you’re having a shit
But if you do this when all urinals are free it’s universally accepted that you have a small penis."
And no talking at the urinals. It's just weird. |
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke
If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later.
Or go into a cubicle for a slash, leaving the door open so people don’t think you’re having a shit
But if you do this when all urinals are free it’s universally accepted that you have a small penis.
And no talking at the urinals. It's just weird."
And no dawdling. Even if that means risking a dribble |
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If the only free urinal is next to somebody, stare directly in front of you, do not deviate your gaze!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The butter knife, is a universal tool! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never say what time you will be back. |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
(Gate crashes thread  )
Speed limit signs are advisory  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"(Gate crashes thread )
Speed limit signs are advisory "
Indicators? What are those? |
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They have to point out every building they have worked in. "I tiled that" "I laid that floor" |
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By *yronMan
over a year ago
grangemouth |
Shopping on your own should take no more than 3 hours. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shopping on your own should take no more than 3 hours."
Minutes*** |
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"Shopping on your own should take no more than 3 hours."
When clothes shopping with a woman, the dress she rejected in the first shop WILL be the dress she buys after dragging you around 10 other shops. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She’s right. Even when she’s wrong she’s right |
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"If she tells you to do what you like, definitely do not do it "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she asks for toast when she’s pregnant so not try and be a nice husband and bring cheese on toast  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she asks for toast when she’s pregnant so not try and be a nice husband and bring cheese on toast "
Do not** |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"She’s right. Even when she’s wrong she’s right "
*sighs* Oh, the holy grail  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When she doesn’t know what she wants to eat and asks you to pick something she will want the exact opposite of whatever you pick. |
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"When she doesn’t know what she wants to eat and asks you to pick something she will want the exact opposite of whatever you pick."
That's why you suggest the opposite of what you really want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Treat women with respect, incl. sluts... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When she doesn’t know what she wants to eat and asks you to pick something she will want the exact opposite of whatever you pick.
That's why you suggest the opposite of what you really want "
That’s next level boyfriend/husband stuff |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If a woman says do what you like, it really means for god sake don't, or you're dead meat. |
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"If she says I’m gonna cum he must immediately cum and spoil it for her. "
Or when she says don't come.
Sadly true. |
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"Lefty loosey
Righty tighty"
You called? |
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I know the one they ALL do not know.
The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know the one they ALL do not know.
The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies "
What about when she asks if her bum looks big in this? |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
If it doesn't move and it should wack it one, if it moves and it shouldn't tape it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 07/05/22 19:52:13] |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Never get involved when two women are in an argument |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dont have a chat about the guy next to yous cock in the pissing troffs also dont give it a rating |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke
If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later. "
Exactly. Same on treadmills |
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"
And no talking at the urinals. It's just weird."
Reminds me of an old French joke:
de Gaulle and Pompidou went to the toilet in the interval during a theatrical play.
Pompidou started the conversation "C'est une drôle de pièce"
"Devant toi!" Replied De Gaulle. |
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"I know the one they ALL do not know.
The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies
What about when she asks if her bum looks big in this?"
just reply, no,it doesn't look big,it is big |
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We don't need instructions or directions.
Winston |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't talk about fight club |
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
We don't use the urinal next to another man if there are others available |
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Don’t fuck your mother-in-law.
And don’t make wild promises about running through the streets naked if man United don’t win the league, unless you have the balls to go through with it! Who said that "
I wasn’t aware of the mother in law rule.  |
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If she says “Oh, forget worrying about my birthday this year.
WORRY!!!! |
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Don't make eye contact when eating a banana! |
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"You never read a manual "
What’s a manual? Is it Spanish? |
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"Shopping on your own should take no more than 3 hours.
When clothes shopping with a woman, the dress she rejected in the first shop WILL be the dress she buys after dragging you around 10 other shops."
It’s like the movie Sliding doors, eternal ongoing changes....... |
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"When she doesn’t know what she wants to eat and asks you to pick something she will want the exact opposite of whatever you pick.
That's why you suggest the opposite of what you really want "
And the game you can’t win begins..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thst the washing basket is for dirty clothes....
But apparently it gets ignored |
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"Treat women with respect, incl. sluts... "
I always do. Honest mam! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Impact engineering is always the first option. |
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You never shoot a guy in the dick. |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
A screwdriver or a hammer will serve the purpose |
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"You never shoot a guy in the dick."
Would you rather be shot in the dick or the face |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"You never shoot a guy in the dick.
Would you rather be shot in the dick or the face "
If they're accurate enough to be able to give me a choice, I'll choose a glancing blow to the cheek. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never give a time.
Never say I am going for a quick pint.
Turn your phone to mute or off if you have failed at the first two. One row instead of two.
If asked about who was there, never mention girls names even when platonic. |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"
If asked about who was there, never mention girls names even when platonic. "
"Chris and Ashley" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If asked about who was there, never mention girls names even when platonic.
"Chris and Ashley" "
Ahh! Too late! |
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By *al kalMan
over a year ago
london |
If she asks “do I look good in their outfit?”, it’s an automatic yes wonderful without even a teeny tiny split second to consider (even if it means you don’t have time to register eye contact)….
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There was meant to be spare screws and bits left after building anything flatpack |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always know where your tools are and don't keep them in the packaging.
If your mate notices something DIY wrong and you haven't got a clue what he's on about. Its ok to respond "I'll have a look later". Its been acknowledged, man to man! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Remember what ever happens, when it doesn't go right or well, it's your fault. You may not of even know what is going on, it is still your fault |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don’t scratch, we pinch and roll an itch ball.
We do scratch our balls, but for similar enjoyment women get from a shiatsu massage haha |
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No should mean no and not maybe or let’s try and see! |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
Don't get married!....
So many rule breakers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never try to pee with an erection and expect to get it in the toilet
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When the only tool you own is a hammer it's amazing how every problem starts to look like a great big nail. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't put aftershave on your balls. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Women have a juxtaposition trait.
“Is there a problem?”
“Why should they be?”
“Can I help you?”
“Do I look helpless?”
“Is you period due?”
“Fuck off”
Don’t they know it helps us get out of loading the dishwasher.
“Can I load it for you?”
*^%#!!! |
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When a woman says she's FINE!!!
We all know that means she ain't fucking fine |
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We don’t scratch our balls…. We pinch and twist. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you pretend not to know how to do something properly, your mrs will do it herself. |
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It is imperative that first anniversaries are "forgotten", even if you actually do remember them.
Yes, you will get grief. But next year when you remember the gratitude and joy will be enormous.
If you remember the first one you are contractually obliged to remember them all.
You are a man. So you will not remember them all.
Follow me for more top tips.
Fuck knows why I remained single for so long.
Winston
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It wasnt me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke "
Hahaha one of hubby’s favourite games is heading straight to the urinal next to somebody and making conversation.
He says you can literally see the eyes crossing as it’s like they’re seeing something that doesn’t actually exist |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Remember what ever happens, when it doesn't go right or well, it's your fault. You may not of even know what is going on, it is still your fault"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When she asks "what are you thinking" nothing isn't an answer. |
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By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
Always use/buy the biggest/most powerful tool available for the job |
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke
If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later.
Or go into a cubicle for a slash, leaving the door open so people don’t think you’re having a shit
But if you do this when all urinals are free it’s universally accepted that you have a small penis.
And no talking at the urinals. It's just weird.
And no dawdling. Even if that means risking a dribble "
DON’T try and take a sneaky look at the next blokes cock! |
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By *trideMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
Compete
Kill
Think logically
Whistle
Swing
Pee standing up
Right leg over
Bra fastenings can’t be undone without looking.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never flush the toilet when still seated. No man wants the dreaded witches kiss |
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"I know the one they ALL do not know.
The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies
What about when she asks if her bum looks big in this?"
If it does then say yes. Gives her the option to change the outfit.
I have a serious aversion to lies of any kind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Obvious one but don’t agree to anything to do with your relationship during sex |
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A kept tongue leads to a quiet life |
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By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
"Obvious one but don’t agree to anything to do with your relationship during sex"
Or at anytime alcohol is involved.
I have seen many sad, miserable, hungover men being dragged around IKEA on a Sunday morning |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know the one they ALL do not know.
The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies
What about when she asks if her bum looks big in this?
If it does then say yes. Gives her the option to change the outfit.
I have a serious aversion to lies of any kind "
To be honest if my wife asks that question the correct answer is always yes. She is proud of her booty |
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"When she doesn’t know what she wants to eat and asks you to pick something she will want the exact opposite of whatever you pick."
Your first suggestion will be a good one, something she usually likes, but she will say no, saying she doesn’t feel like having that |
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"If she asks “do I look good in their outfit?”, it’s an automatic yes wonderful without even a teeny tiny split second to consider (even if it means you don’t have time to register eye contact)….
"
No, can’t be too hasty or it will be obvious they you are just saying yes to get out the door. Have a proper look and then say it look fantastic. |
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"I know the one they ALL do not know.
The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies
What about when she asks if her bum looks big in this?
If it does then say yes. Gives her the option to change the outfit.
I have a serious aversion to lies of any kind "
What if her arse looks nice in every outfit, because her arse is, in fact, massive?
Would it save time to just say that when presented with the first option? Does arse look big? Well yes but it’s not going to look smaller in any other outfits is it? |
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"Obvious one but don’t agree to anything to do with your relationship during sex
Or at anytime alcohol is involved.
I have seen many sad, miserable, hungover men being dragged around IKEA on a Sunday morning"
That is usually punishment rather than something he has agreed to.
I was having a punishment shopping outing inflicted on me once in Harvey nicks in London, and while she was off trying something on, the assistants ran over to me and said right, looks like you have been brought here as a punishment, what did you do. So they broke their arses laughing at the explanation and brought me a cup of tea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stare straight ahead at the urinals, occasionally checking to make sure you're not pissing down your leg, obviously.  |
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Never ever pass any comment at all about a woman’s driving... just sit there terrified and silently pray to whatever god you may believe in... |
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The middle aisle of Lidl and Aldi are essentially a man crèche |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"The middle aisle of Lidl and Aldi are essentially a man crèche "
... not a ball pit then?! |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"The middle aisle of Lidl and Aldi are essentially a man crèche
... not a ball pit then?! "
... or the pub??!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never fuck the sister in law. |
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When a woman says "I'm FINE" in that certain tone, you really know she isn't fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't put your dick in crazy |
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Never put your dick anywhere that you wouldn’t put your finger…
The reverse is also true |
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By *nimal007Couple
over a year ago
Manchester |
[Removed by poster at 10/05/22 12:20:00] |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
Wash your ass as good as your cock when go on date. Use new matching socks whenever possible for the same situation as above |
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By *nimal007Couple
over a year ago
Manchester |
"If she says “I was thinking….” be prepared to be bankrupt."
or be prepared to learn a new DIY skill that trade professionals get paid a fortune for!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Listen to what's not being said aswell as the words being spoken.... |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
If there's 3 urinals and you go in to the toilet you never take the middle one ...use an edge one so that if another bloke comes in he uses the oposite end |
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By *nimal007Couple
over a year ago
Manchester |
if there is a little bit of poo on the side of the toilet bowl when you go for a wee you must attempt to "shoot" it of with said wee and if you don't complete it before to stream runs out your a looser. this is also known as "Cleaning the Toilet" when asked when the last time you did it was by the OH... |
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Always send dick pics with 1st message |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
If you happen to have sex on the first date and girl has matching bra and nickers - it’s not you who decided you have sex today |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"If you happen to have sex on the first date and girl has matching bra and nickers - it’s not you who decided you have sex today "
Erm... could have been just in case got run over by a bus?! |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"If you happen to have sex on the first date and girl has matching bra and nickers - it’s not you who decided you have sex today
Erm... could have been just in case got run over by a bus?! "
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How many of the urinal sub thread posters have bothered to read the existing thread from the beginning before chipping in with their own ground breaking two penises worth? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s classed as a wank if you shake your cock more than 3 times after a piss. |
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A weekly supermarket shop should take between 15 and 30 minutes. |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
Always wear black/navy trousers to avoid the "dot of shame!"  |
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By *ay10Man
over a year ago
cambridge |
You don't ever need to ask for directions or need a map....EVER!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
" If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that"
Well if it's ALWAYS itching... seek help
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"Lefty loosey
Righty tighty"
Unless it's a fuel gas in which case it's lefty tightly |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"Lefty loosey
Righty tighty
Unless it's a fuel gas in which case it's lefty tightly "
If in doubt change the rules, eh
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"(Gate crashes thread )
Speed limit signs are advisory "
What's a speed limit? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that
Well if it's ALWAYS itching... seek help
"
Clearly you don’t see guys out in public doing that? |
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When in a hurry to exit the supermarket ... Never checkout behind a woman. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
" If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that
Well if it's ALWAYS itching... seek help
Clearly you don’t see guys out in public doing that?"
...maybe the question should then be why do some guys not care that they do that in public? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am in shape. Round IS a shape! |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"(Gate crashes thread )
Speed limit signs are advisory
What's a speed limit? "
Rough estimates allowed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she says I’m gonna cum he must immediately cum and spoil it for her. "
Jesus...have we met before? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both. if you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself. |
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"You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both. if you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself."
How do you get away with that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't patronise women. I find birds hate it when you do that.
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"if there is a little bit of poo on the side of the toilet bowl when you go for a wee you must attempt to "shoot" it of with said wee and if you don't complete it before to stream runs out your a looser. this is also known as "Cleaning the Toilet" when asked when the last time you did it was by the OH... "
How times change. This used to be chasing fag butts in the pin loo |
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"if there is a little bit of poo on the side of the toilet bowl when you go for a wee you must attempt to "shoot" it of with said wee and if you don't complete it before to stream runs out your a looser. this is also known as "Cleaning the Toilet" when asked when the last time you did it was by the OH...
How times change. This used to be chasing fag butts in the pin loo "
… pub loo |
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"Always send dick pics with 1st message"
… unless submitting a job allocation |
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"Never fuck the sister in law."
The ryan gigs rule |
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" If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that
Well if it's ALWAYS itching... seek help
Clearly you don’t see guys out in public doing that?
...maybe the question should then be why do some guys not care that they do that in public? "
Because it feels good |
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If a man says he will do something, he will do it. And he doesn’t need to be nagged every 6 months about it. |
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Discuss everything with your partner but let her make the decisions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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that in an argument, the women ALWAYS has the last word. If the man says something after that, its the start of another argument |
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Women have two strength settings.
One is weak and feeble, needing assistance with the carrying of the lightest of objects.
The other is freakishly strong, particularly when in a rage.
The can flip from not being able to carry a bag of shopping to lifting a washing machine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That when you use public toilets, you wash your hands after.
Sadly not all men do. |
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When travelling, the cunt in front of you will somehow take 20 minutes at the checkin desk. Your checkin will take about 1 minute. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That when you use public toilets, you wash your hands after.
Sadly not all men do."
Sadly the same can be said for women too - gives me the ick! |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Never fuck the sister in law.
The ryan gigs rule "
Yes… and no looking at your best mates missus!
Otherwise known as the John terry law!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If a man says he will do something, he will do it. And he doesn’t need to be nagged every 6 months about it. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That when you use public toilets, you wash your hands after.
Sadly not all men do.
Sadly the same can be said for women too - gives me the ick! "
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