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Text affairs...
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
ok, this has been done before with a variety of slants but I am curious about the following.
A friend of mine told me that she found that her partner was having contact with another woman (none of the involved are off this site or even in the scene) via texts. When she confronted her husband he admitted to the texts (they had been explicit at times) but maintained he had never met the woman.
I am not debating the rights and wrongs of having full blown affairs... but I am interested to hear if people consider a so-called "text affair" as cheating. Hope my question makes sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As strange as it may sound, I would find that more of a betrayal than actually going out there and making it physical.
It shows deliberate intent, even if there was no conversion into the physical.
I think many physical affairs do not start off with intent. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Interesting comments. As I said I am not discussing whether there are justifiable reasons why people have affairs... just curious about whether a purely "cyber" thing would constitute cheating and betrayal. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Ok, so most people think it is betrayal then because he did not tell her - would you say the same if they were in different countries.. I mean there no realistic chance they would ever take things further? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting comments. As I said I am not discussing whether there are justifiable reasons why people have affairs... just curious about whether a purely "cyber" thing would constitute cheating and betrayal."
I know someone who had the same thing done to them. She said she felt worse about it than if he had gone and had a normal sexually based affair. Why? Because, to her, it was as if he had carried on the text affair on a completely separate 'plane of existence' from which she was completely excluded - almost like another World. To her, she had lost a %age of his life, and if he wasn't hers 100% then part of him was betraying her.
Took me a while to get my head around it... (and a fair bit of JD too I might add...... )  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, so most people think it is betrayal then because he did not tell her - would you say the same if they were in different countries.. I mean there no realistic chance they would ever take things further?"
Yup !
Either have a wank or man up and discuss what is going on in ur head.
Sooner or later if the intent is there the discussion will happen, but it is better if it happens before there is any collateral damage in its wake.
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i found my e was on a fetish website while we were together. he said that it was just a site he used to talk to people he had known before he met me and he just used it to talk to them.
If that was the case why didnt he ever tell me about that site? why did he hide it from me, never using it when i was home?
If its all just innocent flirting then why didnt he just tell her? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Depends on how far it went were there pics swapped and were they arranging to meet x"
So is this cyber stuff a bit of a grey area until people make moves towards a meet in real life?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on how far it went were there pics swapped and were they arranging to meet xSo is this cyber stuff a bit of a grey area until people make moves towards a meet in real life? "
I think so if its just a bit of harmless flirting then fair enough but then the lady in question may worry what is missing in her relationship I dont know. Its like a guy ringing one of those sex phone chat line thingys I think they just need to talk and communicate and maybe put the vavavoom back in to the relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm with those who say yes cheating...pure physical is an instant thing...usually spontaneous...to txt flirt is being fully up for it and searching for someeone so cheating in one context...being kept secret is the decietful bit... |
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By *adz35Man
over a year ago
leeds |
Well i have recently split with a woman that openly admitted she was still texting past fuck buddys, which i found out of order and i was called controlling for asking her not to do it!!correct me if im wrong but is this acceptable ? Lol |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Well i have recently split with a woman that openly admitted she was still texting past fuck buddys, which i found out of order and i was called controlling for asking her not to do it!!correct me if im wrong but is this acceptable ? Lol"
I can see where you are coming from...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i have recently split with a woman that openly admitted she was still texting past fuck buddys, which i found out of order and i was called controlling for asking her not to do it!!correct me if im wrong but is this acceptable ? Lol"
Depends on how long you was seeing her and how serious it was. She was'nt lying to you and she was open about it. Was she keeping her options open. |
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By *adz35Man
over a year ago
leeds |
I had being seeing her 6 weeks but was quite full on...she was on her phone alot which is fair enough but then she got a text at 1 in morning and i asked who it was etc etc she got shirty and said nothing to do with me...and it turned out to be a ex fb and she said she was still in contact and would continue to do so...which i wouldnt do the same as i would consider it underhand suppose just my opinion ... |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I had being seeing her 6 weeks but was quite full on...she was on her phone alot which is fair enough but then she got a text at 1 in morning and i asked who it was etc etc she got shirty and said nothing to do with me...and it turned out to be a ex fb and she said she was still in contact and would continue to do so...which i wouldnt do the same as i would consider it underhand suppose just my opinion ..."
It sounds to me based on what you have said so far that there may have been different ideas of the boundaries of the relationship and also that perhaps she was not being as seriously involved as you believed or were led to believe. Either way it does sound like this one was not meant to be?
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By *adz35Man
over a year ago
leeds |
"I had being seeing her 6 weeks but was quite full on...she was on her phone alot which is fair enough but then she got a text at 1 in morning and i asked who it was etc etc she got shirty and said nothing to do with me...and it turned out to be a ex fb and she said she was still in contact and would continue to do so...which i wouldnt do the same as i would consider it underhand suppose just my opinion ...It sounds to me based on what you have said so far that there may have been different ideas of the boundaries of the relationship and also that perhaps she was not being as seriously involved as you believed or were led to believe. Either way it does sound like this one was not meant to be? "
Yes defo not meant to be and she claimed to be into me as much as i was her but if i was texting ex's i think it would have been a different story nut oh well ya live and learn  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had being seeing her 6 weeks but was quite full on...she was on her phone alot which is fair enough but then she got a text at 1 in morning and i asked who it was etc etc she got shirty and said nothing to do with me...and it turned out to be a ex fb and she said she was still in contact and would continue to do so...which i wouldnt do the same as i would consider it underhand suppose just my opinion ...It sounds to me based on what you have said so far that there may have been different ideas of the boundaries of the relationship and also that perhaps she was not being as seriously involved as you believed or were led to believe. Either way it does sound like this one was not meant to be? Yes defo not meant to be and she claimed to be into me as much as i was her but if i was texting ex's i think it would have been a different story nut oh well ya live and learn "
But she was only texting him she was not cheating she is allowed to talk to friends. Friends with benefits without the benefits are still friends. If she had said no to the other guy as she was seeing you that would have been a different story. |
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its an interesting question..
it could be that some may think if their OH is masturbating whilst looking at porn or reading a piece of crap about Mr Grey, then that would be cheating or betrayal to them..
and flirting is great fun, but there is 'that line' which if you cross be that through online or text or whatever..
then thats cheating..
and its not swinging either btw..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, so most people think it is betrayal then because he did not tell her - would you say the same if they were in different countries.. I mean there no realistic chance they would ever take things further?"
In response to your OP, yes I would say that is cheating.
In response to your quote above, yes I would still say it's cheating.
It's a betrayal of trust. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"its an interesting question..
it could be that some may think if their OH is masturbating whilst looking at porn or reading a piece of crap about Mr Grey, then that would be cheating or betrayal to them..
and flirting is great fun, but there is 'that line' which if you cross be that through online or text or whatever..
then thats cheating..
and its not swinging either btw..
"
See this is what I am thinking.. there is a greater complexity at work here. What is acceptable to some people clearly constitutes cheating for others. This makes me think that maybe this is more to do with the boundaries of the individual relationship, the implied understanding of what they expect of each other and often this is not really talked about until something happens that causes a rift? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Ok, so most people think it is betrayal then because he did not tell her - would you say the same if they were in different countries.. I mean there no realistic chance they would ever take things further?
In response to your OP, yes I would say that is cheating.
In response to your quote above, yes I would still say it's cheating.
It's a betrayal of trust. "
The issue is about trust rather than anything else, isnt it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its an interesting question..
it could be that some may think if their OH is masturbating whilst looking at porn or reading a piece of crap about Mr Grey, then that would be cheating or betrayal to them..
and flirting is great fun, but there is 'that line' which if you cross be that through online or text or whatever..
then thats cheating..
and its not swinging either btw..
See this is what I am thinking.. there is a greater complexity at work here. What is acceptable to some people clearly constitutes cheating for others. This makes me think that maybe this is more to do with the boundaries of the individual relationship, the implied understanding of what they expect of each other and often this is not really talked about until something happens that causes a rift?"
The thing is, is it fantasy or reality x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its an interesting question..
it could be that some may think if their OH is masturbating whilst looking at porn or reading a piece of crap about Mr Grey, then that would be cheating or betrayal to them..
"
You took the words right out of my mouth. I was going to mention men/women watching porn/on sex lines while the OH is out etc - thats not cheating, thats just getting a thrill from something and not being confident to tell the OH. I suppose sex-texting is similar to sex lines; the fantasy is there, but that line is very fine  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"its an interesting question..
it could be that some may think if their OH is masturbating whilst looking at porn or reading a piece of crap about Mr Grey, then that would be cheating or betrayal to them..
and flirting is great fun, but there is 'that line' which if you cross be that through online or text or whatever..
then thats cheating..
and its not swinging either btw..
See this is what I am thinking.. there is a greater complexity at work here. What is acceptable to some people clearly constitutes cheating for others. This makes me think that maybe this is more to do with the boundaries of the individual relationship, the implied understanding of what they expect of each other and often this is not really talked about until something happens that causes a rift?
The thing is, is it fantasy or reality x"
Absolutely.. and that is the fine line that makes one thing ok for some couples and not ok for others and another thing not ok for either.  |
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"its an interesting question..
it could be that some may think if their OH is masturbating whilst looking at porn or reading a piece of crap about Mr Grey, then that would be cheating or betrayal to them..
and flirting is great fun, but there is 'that line' which if you cross be that through online or text or whatever..
then thats cheating..
and its not swinging either btw..
See this is what I am thinking.. there is a greater complexity at work here. What is acceptable to some people clearly constitutes cheating for others. This makes me think that maybe this is more to do with the boundaries of the individual relationship, the implied understanding of what they expect of each other and often this is not really talked about until something happens that causes a rift?"
yes, communication is paramount.. |
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"its an interesting question..
it could be that some may think if their OH is masturbating whilst looking at porn or reading a piece of crap about Mr Grey, then that would be cheating or betrayal to them..
You took the words right out of my mouth. I was going to mention men/women watching porn/on sex lines while the OH is out etc - thats not cheating, thats just getting a thrill from something and not being confident to tell the OH. I suppose sex-texting is similar to sex lines; the fantasy is there, but that line is very fine "
the difference being that in all honesty we as individuals can fantasise and masturbate over a story, a video or even on a cam with someone who does that as a means of income etc..
and will never actually meet that person..
but if 2 people are 'sex texting' and for it to have gotten to that level of intimacy there will be other texts about how was your day etc, then that is a different kettle of fish..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i have recently split with a woman that openly admitted she was still texting past fuck buddys, which i found out of order and i was called controlling for asking her not to do it!!correct me if im wrong but is this acceptable ? Lol"
im sorry but i have to be honest i wouldnt accept anyone telling me who i could and couldnt text either
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Mmm tricky one, if it never went further than just saucy text messages then I would say harmless fun, having said that I think most partners would be a little upset if they happened to see those messages, and if they are close enough to actually meet at some point I think there is a very real possibility that sooner or latter they would meet up then I think a bit of bed action would be on the cards.
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"Well i have recently split with a woman that openly admitted she was still texting past fuck buddys, which i found out of order and i was called controlling for asking her not to do it!!correct me if im wrong but is this acceptable ? Lol
im sorry but i have to be honest i wouldnt accept anyone telling me who i could and couldnt text either
"
Got to agree with you here. Don't you think it could have been totally inocent? He may have just been asking how she was? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i have recently split with a woman that openly admitted she was still texting past fuck buddys, which i found out of order and i was called controlling for asking her not to do it!!correct me if im wrong but is this acceptable ? Lol
im sorry but i have to be honest i wouldnt accept anyone telling me who i could and couldnt text either
Got to agree with you here. Don't you think it could have been totally inocent? He may have just been asking how she was?"
no idea lol
thats just me tho, if i want to go out i will, if i want to text someone i will and im not having anyone else telling me i cant
i think thats why im single lol
theres not much give and take in my life, but to be fair im the same the other way round, when my ex used to ask if it was ok for him to go out on a certain night i'd say...what you asking me for? because to me he didn t need my consent hes an adult if he wanted to go out, go out, and i think because i feel like that i expect the same in return, problem is ive never found anyone who thinks like me so relationships dont work out |
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"Well i have recently split with a woman that openly admitted she was still texting past fuck buddys, which i found out of order and i was called controlling for asking her not to do it!!correct me if im wrong but is this acceptable ? Lol
im sorry but i have to be honest i wouldnt accept anyone telling me who i could and couldnt text either
Got to agree with you here. Don't you think it could have been totally inocent? He may have just been asking how she was?"
At 1am? No one just texts at 1am to ask how someone is unless they are d*unk or want a booty call! |
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Personally I don't see sexting as cheating as long as it stops there! I got involved with a guy about 18 months ago which started out as a bit of fun swapping messages getting a bit flirty with no intention of meeting but after a few months it ended up with a meet which carried on for over a year!! So even something that starts innocently can change over time! |
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I had a so called friend of my ex wife try and start sex texting me. I didn't want to know and showed my ex, all she said was she always wants what she can't have.
To me has sex in person is partly in mind, texting sex is a form of dishonesty almost as much as in person.
Ps if OPis into I'll give it a go  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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 I am fortunate to have lots of friends and some are felmales; and i have know several for well over 5/6 years(ie; when i was married still) whilst we are flirty at times; we have never ever met; i dont class that as having an affair - do you ?
Dont get me wrong im no  but having genuin chat buddies isint a bad thing is it ????? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok, this has been done before with a variety of slants but I am curious about the following.
A friend of mine told me that she found that her partner was having contact with another woman (none of the involved are off this site or even in the scene) via texts. When she confronted her husband he admitted to the texts (they had been explicit at times) but maintained he had never met the woman.
I am not debating the rights and wrongs of having full blown affairs... but I am interested to hear if people consider a so-called "text affair" as cheating. Hope my question makes sense? "
I would absolutely see it as cheating and a blatant disregard of trust.
There are obviously issues in their relationship that need addressing, it does not take a physical act to be unfaithful imo, and hiding things from your OH will only cause tears in the end.
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