FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > 1st impressions normally right, right?
1st impressions normally right, right?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How many times do you meet someone and know pretty damn quickly if you will get on or not? With exceptions, I think it’s rare that I change my mind over someone I don’t get on with.
I read a study that it’s a fine line where if you don’t connect within a certain time, it’s tone and your mind is made up.
What about you, are you a good judge of character?
*online is difficult I know, this was more about real life. |
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I always try to give the benefit of a doubt that people might me shy or nervous. But I’ve definitely been on a few socials / dates where I knew I should have just stood up and left within the first 3 minutes |
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I think I'm a good judge of character.
I've met a few people who have let the mask slip and changed my initial opinion but I've never yet changed my mind on anyone I knew wasn't going to be my type of person from the off. |
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It's very rare that my first impressions are wrong, but there has been times where maybe circumstance at that particular moment isn't right and I've not given it a chance. I think first impressions also are relative to how one feels in themselves at that particular moment.
Cherry x
Coffee Woody? It's a bit early...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can usually tell quite early on whether I will like them or not. Sometimes you can know just by observing how they interact with others and their behaviour in general. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I take people at face value and it's rare that I have issues with people because I know who's my kinda person and who isn't. My gut instinct is never wrong and if I feel like somethings off, it usually is. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m a very good judge of character, and my first impression is rarely wrong.
I know if I’m attracted to someone straight away. "
I’m still upset about this fact
*crying emoji’s
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can usually tell quite early on whether I will like them or not. Sometimes you can know just by observing how they interact with others and their behaviour in general."
Very.
Do you find you clash more often. As in, they are not really dicks, but you personalities are just too similar or too different to get along. They clash! ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Iv found im good at reading people both in real life and online had lots of practice it makes me better at the sex and my job "
I need to be a better judge.
Better judge = better sex
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My default setting is to like someone so when I get a bad first impression this tends to stay with me until they prove me wrong - however, I’m often too pigheaded to see past my own initial judgements.
First impressions do matter sadly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I change my mind about them as I get to know them/ more information.
People can have shit days. They may be nervous at first. I may misunderstand something they said.
People are living breathing thinking beings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First impressions ….. I’m usually quite good at knowing if I’ll get on with someone. Initial attraction is a must for the jiggly jiggly…. but I have been known to like a person, then as time goes on they in fact annoy the hell out of me |
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"I change my mind about them as I get to know them/ more information.
People can have shit days. They may be nervous at first. I may misunderstand something they said.
People are living breathing thinking beings. "
This  |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I always considered myself a shrewd judge of character until fairly recently.
There’s a general duality in people making up their minds about others very quickly but anticipating that others will give them the benefit of the doubt and give them second chances.
I try not to judge on first impressions, people have bad days and you never know what they’re going through |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I change my mind about them as I get to know them/ more information.
People can have shit days. They may be nervous at first. I may misunderstand something they said.
People are living breathing thinking beings. "
Very much this. My opinions fluctuate and change, people change. Everyone is flawed in one way or another, I try and keep a relatively open mind. So no, I'm not a good judge of character but I do know those who I'd be more compatible with over time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In real life? - in my actual job it's a hard call! I generally meet folk for the first time face-to-face who either know the 'craic' so to speak? Or are highly distressed (freaked out). Sooo zero judgement call from me either way. I just roll with the punches. Generally there's a decent outcome for all |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I always considered myself a shrewd judge of character until fairly recently.
…….
….
I try not to judge on first impressions, people have bad days and you never know what they’re going through "
Someone said the same above you, I think that’s really good for us to try to remember that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In real life? - in my actual job it's a hard call! I generally meet folk for the first time face-to-face who either know the 'craic' so to speak? Or are highly distressed (freaked out). Sooo zero judgement call from me either way. I just roll with the punches. Generally there's a decent outcome for all "
Fab wise... Yeah, I know in the first 5mins |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In real life? - in my actual job it's a hard call! I generally meet folk for the first time face-to-face who either know the 'craic' so to speak? Or are highly distressed (freaked out). Sooo zero judgement call from me either way. I just roll with the punches. Generally there's a decent outcome for all
Fab wise... Yeah, I know in the first 5mins "
5mins? Does that include foreplay?
Seriously though, I can’t online. Text is so difficult to read a personality.
Example, if all I read was the humour post (and not the more serious topics) I would never see their intellect. Maybe they are too serious for me , or the other way around.
Online is difficult for me. In person it’s a lot quicker to gauge. Maybe, just thinking over a coffee. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I change my mind about them as I get to know them/ more information.
People can have shit days. They may be nervous at first. I may misunderstand something they said.
People are living breathing thinking beings.
Very much this. My opinions fluctuate and change, people change. Everyone is flawed in one way or another, I try and keep a relatively open mind. So no, I'm not a good judge of character but I do know those who I'd be more compatible with over time."
This is more me too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbh I think first impressions are subjective. Some can put up a front as nervous. I think judging someone just by first impressions can be okay in certain circumstances, however you haven't even got to know the person so how can you actually fully tell. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I'm usually a pretty good judge of character .It's very rare that people change my mind on them .It's only happened once in the last while and even then I realised a bit down the line that they had just fooled me with a fake facade and I should have stuck with my initial opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've changed my mind often so I try to stay open. There are people who just rub me up the wrong way and that's hard to come back from."
Yep. This is true. Feelings stick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got a very finely tuned bs detector but I need time to know a person before I can say much about their character. "
My career has taught me to do exactly the same. Most of the time I get it right but never make that 'instant' decision to swipe. |
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"I've got a very finely tuned bs detector but I need time to know a person before I can say much about their character.
My career has taught me to do exactly the same. Most of the time I get it right but never make that 'instant' decision to swipe."
I think you can tell if you're going to like someone or not pretty quickly but that (to me at least) isn't the same as being able to judge their character. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I change my mind about them as I get to know them/ more information.
People can have shit days. They may be nervous at first. I may misunderstand something they said.
People are living breathing thinking beings. "
This is me too. I don't ignore my gut reactions but I don't rush to judge people because I've been wrong before. And I find people attractive aside from their looks so it can grow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In real life? - in my actual job it's a hard call! I generally meet folk for the first time face-to-face who either know the 'craic' so to speak? Or are highly distressed (freaked out). Sooo zero judgement call from me either way. I just roll with the punches. Generally there's a decent outcome for all
Fab wise... Yeah, I know in the first 5mins
5mins? Does that include foreplay?
Seriously though, I can’t online. Text is so difficult to read a personality.
Example, if all I read was the humour post (and not the more serious topics) I would never see their intellect. Maybe they are too serious for me , or the other way around.
Online is difficult for me. In person it’s a lot quicker to gauge. Maybe, just thinking over a coffee. "
Coffee. It's much easier for them to tell I'm a fuckwit in person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can usually tell quite early on whether I will like them or not. Sometimes you can know just by observing how they interact with others and their behaviour in general.
Very.
Do you find you clash more often. As in, they are not really dicks, but you personalities are just too similar or too different to get along. They clash! ?"
Yeah a few times, usually within the first couple of minutes within speaking it's just yeah we aren't a match at all and I just move on |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Most of my meets (dates mostly away from fab) have been fine and we got on very well. However don't judge that the norm as a couple of times I was ghosted despite those dates being great!"
Ah ghosted.  it’s easy though isn’t it, I expect it as much as anything else now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's always good to read a thread like this then one asking questions about people's ex's.
Is amazing how many brilliant judges of character fall in love with and marry utter arseholes.
I'm shit at it, I *know* most people are cunts yet I still think they're nice from a superficial acquaintance.
I also wonder how much of our judgement is self fulfilling, again going back to ex partners, the same person can display traits that make us love them and others we despise. How much of our "judgement" is a choice which of these two sets of behaviors we want to acknowledge in a particular person?
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Plus, thinking you won't like someone within a few minutes of meeting, then confirming that over a number of years, simply means you're good at knowing what you like about other people and in no way reflects your ability to objectively judge their character.
Start a thread about pretty much any celebrity and you'll have people calling them everything from amazing to revolting.
It's one of our biggest conceits as humans that things we don't like are automatically bad or wrong.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's always good to read a thread like this then one asking questions about people's ex's.
Is amazing how many brilliant judges of character fall in love with and marry utter arseholes.
I'm shit at it, I *know* most people are cunts yet I still think they're nice from a superficial acquaintance.
I also wonder how much of our judgement is self fulfilling, again going back to ex partners, the same person can display traits that make us love them and others we despise. How much of our "judgement" is a choice which of these two sets of behaviors we want to acknowledge in a particular person?
Mr"
Good point!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of character. But I’ve also found that it doesn’t matter how good I am, I can still sometimes drop the ball.
Sometimes that means judging unfairly. And sometimes that means being right. |
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If I dislike someone It's normally for a reason. I may not consciously know what the reason is, but over time it'll become clear.
Every time I've talked myself round from "she's a cow" to "no, I just judged too quickly" something happens further down the line to make me think "no, I was right first time, she's a cow".
I do tend to misjudge people positively though. I will look for the positive and sometimes overlook the negative and be shocked when they turn out to not be a nice person. |
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Yep, gut instinct is there for a reason - some suggest it's a primal reaction dating from our hunter/gatherer roots. Kinda of a sixth sense that tells us when there's a 'danger' to be alert to.
Personally I think it's more about having learned a lot about people's manners and behaviours over many years of dating and fabbing, but rarely are my spidey senses ever proven wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Plus, thinking you won't like someone within a few minutes of meeting, then confirming that over a number of years, simply means you're good at knowing what you like about other people and in no way reflects your ability to objectively judge their character.
Start a thread about pretty much any celebrity and you'll have people calling them everything from amazing to revolting.
It's one of our biggest conceits as humans that things we don't like are automatically bad or wrong.
Mr"
Conscious bias!! |
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Unless whoever we meet is a total blatant idiot then I (more than my husband)like to give the benefit of the doubt.
Some people myself included are shy so that sometimes can come across as a little aloof.Sometimes building a connection can take more than 1 social.Saying that tho my husband does say i like to see the good in people so maybe that’s why I give some people the benefit of the doubt . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think my first impressions of people are generally right, because it's just based on whether I think we would get on. If that happens to coincide with whether they're a good person or not, then that's a bonus, but once again, what you consider to be good person is open to interpretation, so who the fuck knows, really |
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When I meet someone- in any aspect of life, I always follow my gut instinct. It is rarely wrong.
If we are talking fab though, I chatted to a guy - a couple of years ago who I thought was a bit of a dick and timewaster. I ignored my gut and met him for a social. I couldn’t have been more wrong about him and still see him now. |
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Heck no, first impressions are just that impressions.
If I posted a thread asking people to describe me. Some would be correct, others partially and others completely wrong.
I think it's fallacy to assume you're always correct, especially on so little data. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Plus, thinking you won't like someone within a few minutes of meeting, then confirming that over a number of years, simply means you're good at knowing what you like about other people and in no way reflects your ability to objectively judge their character.
Start a thread about pretty much any celebrity and you'll have people calling them everything from amazing to revolting.
It's one of our biggest conceits as humans that things we don't like are automatically bad or wrong.
Mr"
I can't quite explain how much I love this response and wholeheartedly agree with it so here's some flattering words acknowledging that and not doing it quite justice. Perfect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm more likely to be able to tell if I'm not going to get on with someone in a short amount of time than if I will. If that makes sense?
I'm more of a slow burn approach, I'll happily take my time to get to know someone. |
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I think we all unconsciously recognise when things are right and by the same token when something is off and that applies to people too. There have been certain people I have immediately recognised I need to stay away from, that's probably down to tiny tells that I can't articulate. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think we all unconsciously recognise when things are right and by the same token when something is off and that applies to people too. There have been certain people I have immediately recognised I need to stay away from, that's probably down to tiny tells that I can't articulate. "
A gut feeling some people call it don’t they? |
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"I think we all unconsciously recognise when things are right and by the same token when something is off and that applies to people too. There have been certain people I have immediately recognised I need to stay away from, that's probably down to tiny tells that I can't articulate.
A gut feeling some people call it don’t they? "
Yep. This doesn't mean that I think I can know a person's character in an instant but sometimes it's possible to recognise a certain aspect of it that might cause problems between the two of you. |
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