FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Gatekeeping
Gatekeeping
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Not sure whether this is just my experience but I’m very curious on what other people have to say. I’ve been on this site for a while and occasionally post on forums but more often than not I get a sarcastic response from much older people.
I’m not sure whether my inexperience in swinging makes me stick out like a sore thumb but when asking genuine questions about the lifestyle I get almost ridiculed for not knowing all the ins and outs.
Have young single males got such a bad reputation on here? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure whether this is just my experience but I’m very curious on what other people have to say. I’ve been on this site for a while and occasionally post on forums but more often than not I get a sarcastic response from much older people.
I’m not sure whether my inexperience in swinging makes me stick out like a sore thumb but when asking genuine questions about the lifestyle I get almost ridiculed for not knowing all the ins and outs.
Have young single males got such a bad reputation on here?"
I wouldn't worry about it. Some people just can't help themselves
Stick around and post away, we're not all like that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure whether this is just my experience but I’m very curious on what other people have to say. I’ve been on this site for a while and occasionally post on forums but more often than not I get a sarcastic response from much older people.
I’m not sure whether my inexperience in swinging makes me stick out like a sore thumb but when asking genuine questions about the lifestyle I get almost ridiculed for not knowing all the ins and outs.
Have young single males got such a bad reputation on here?"
Regardless of age, gender and experience, people should be respectful.
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There are a lot older people on the forum who tend to talk to each other for often than not. But I noticed the other day when a younger person started a post it filled up with young people...
Maybe having the courage either to start more threads, or to somehow aim them at "people around my age group", or your peers etc, or just build it into your post somehow - the example above was about studying though I think, but it doesn't have to be that niche or that obvious. Cultural signals maybe. Anyone being rude to anything like that would be told pretty quick I think.
If any thread or post you make is NOT really age-related though, and people are just being rude because of your age or language or whatver, that really isn't good. It's probably because they just aren't getting anything but older I'm afraid. Feel free to tell then that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure whether this is just my experience but I’m very curious on what other people have to say. I’ve been on this site for a while and occasionally post on forums but more often than not I get a sarcastic response from much older people.
I’m not sure whether my inexperience in swinging makes me stick out like a sore thumb but when asking genuine questions about the lifestyle I get almost ridiculed for not knowing all the ins and outs.
Have young single males got such a bad reputation on here?
Regardless of age, gender and experience, people should be respectful.
"
There’s a lot of grandstanders …. I probably did that in the past to be fair.
Ignore and carry on  |
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"I did wonder if some of it was jealousy lol
Didn’t want to generalise but it seemed to be more older men with not a great deal going for them. Might just be bitter "
And you were doing so well up to that point  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think it comes down to
Younger guys are still in they bragging fase off life
Now people don’t mind that if it’s 200 odd mile away but most
Will not want it around they door step
I one’s had a bunch off younger guys try it and give it the old I am not like that
Was useing a long winded copy and pasted
Turn down messages put it this way you wouldn’t have been able to tell or in less you had see it before
Turned 3 off them down
Send it to the 4th and his reply was yip seen that 3 times in the group chat all ready
Boom right there new I had made the right choice |
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Hi OP, I think like with ‘normal’ life things said through text talk doesn’t translate the way people mean it sometimes.
Stay and have fun, I was around your age when we started out, I felt judged then and I probably wasn’t x |
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By *inx.x3Woman
over a year ago
Bath |
"There are some here who just wreck other people posts and will try to make any post about them or their silly friends"
It’s basically this ^
It’s nothing personal to you. They just can’t help themselves. |
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"There are some here who just wreck other people posts and will try to make any post about them or their silly friends
It’s basically this ^
It’s nothing personal to you. They just can’t help themselves. "
---People have to post past this though, otherwise the thread can just become a tangential in-joke for the few involved.
The odd silly comment can easily be ignored I think (I'm determined to not feel guilty in this thread!!)  --- |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Which threads OP?
There’s on I posted a week ago regarding the OpenHouse tv show and I just got a sarcastic response and then a few much older threads "
ah, okay. I went back a few to try and get a feel and didn't see anything.
Couldn't tell you if it's bad luck, something about your age or something about your posts.
I would suggest to plough on. The more ppl see you on the forum, the more you will be taken seriously.
So a belated welcome  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to post sarcastic replies and make jokes quite often but it isn’t anything personal.
I was literally ignored my first few weeks/months on the forums until people started to see me posting more regularly and started to understand my sense of humour. Basically what I’m saying is don’t stop posting, keep asking questions and eventually you’ll get the responses you hope for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
 Ah |
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah"
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it |
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it"
And yet you keep digging |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There’s a phenomenon that I’ve noticed on many social media sites whereby a “herd” will jump on a particular response to a post or comment.
Be it sarcasm or ridicule there’s a distinct turn of events sometimes that triggers this response.
Undoubtedly the best course of action in this situation is to just say fuck em! They’re just being sheep doing what sheep do. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it"
Erm... that's possibly not the way forward OP...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it"
I've got pants older than you so pipe down short stuff and I'm far from 'past it'  |
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By *age500Woman
over a year ago
ashton-under-lyne |
"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it"
Isn’t this post about you having a problem with people discriminating because of age?
Pot, kettle springs to mind with this comment… |
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it
I don’t think I’ve put my point across very well. It was just questioning people that were putting younger people down as if we’re not allowed to be part of the swinging culture then what sort of person is it designed for
Isn’t this post about you having a problem with people discriminating because of age?
Pot, kettle springs to mind with this comment…"
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"What does "Gatekeeping" mean in this context please?
Experienced people making it difficult for new people to get involved in swinging "
Ahhh. Thank you for that
How can experienced people make things difficult for non experienced people? |
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"What does "Gatekeeping" mean in this context please?
Experienced people making it difficult for new people to get involved in swinging
Ahhh. Thank you for that
How can experienced people make things difficult for non experienced people? "
I was just speaking from my own experience. Had been trying to get advice on the forums and was just met with sarcasm and insults |
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"I like to post sarcastic replies and make jokes quite often but it isn’t anything personal.
I was literally ignored my first few weeks/months on the forums until people started to see me posting more regularly and started to understand my sense of humour. Basically what I’m saying is don’t stop posting, keep asking questions and eventually you’ll get the responses you hope for."
I can very much relate to this. I still feel very much an 'outsider' as there are so many established connections within the forums. But i enjoy reading and occasionally commenting, so will continue as i was |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I for what it's worth think forums, are like a new workplace, it going to take a while for people to see and get to know you,
Not experienced and negative attitudes so far |
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"I was just speaking from my own experience. Had been trying to get advice on the forums and was just met with sarcasm and insults"
So how has that made it difficult for you to get into swinging?
Behaviour breeds behaviour. The fault may well be in one's own back yard.
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it
Isn’t this post about you having a problem with people discriminating because of age?
Pot, kettle springs to mind with this comment…"
I read OPs comment as meaning people being past being happy in love with a partner as was mentioned in the post above his response rather than meaning folks who are older than him are past it
Funny how exactly what the OP is mentioning is happening - being met with insults and sarcasm rather than clarifying what he actually means considering there are a number of interpretations possible - and this from a number of posters already
OP - ignore, move on and have fun |
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"What does "Gatekeeping" mean in this context please?
Experienced people making it difficult for new people to get involved in swinging
Ahhh. Thank you for that
How can experienced people make things difficult for non experienced people?
I was just speaking from my own experience. Had been trying to get advice on the forums and was just met with sarcasm and insults"
I just talk nonsense. You'll be fine x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it
Isn’t this post about you having a problem with people discriminating because of age?
Pot, kettle springs to mind with this comment…
I read OPs comment as meaning people being past being happy in love with a partner as was mentioned in the post above his response rather than meaning folks who are older than him are past it
Funny how exactly what the OP is mentioning is happening - being met with insults and sarcasm rather than clarifying what he actually means considering there are a number of interpretations possible - and this from a number of posters already
OP - ignore, move on and have fun "
past being happy in love ?
I'm not sure what that means. Can you elaborate? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hate to say it OP just there are some that like to pull others down thinking it just elevates themselves.
While most of the advice is to just ignore it you are then accepting that behaviour and saying it’s ok to be treated that way.
I’m not sure why men can’t support other men and think about the comments that they make before posting them.
Just because something has (joke) at the end doesn’t make it funny. If anyone feels the need to explain that it’s a joke then it’s not funny in the first place |
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it
Isn’t this post about you having a problem with people discriminating because of age?
Pot, kettle springs to mind with this comment…
I read OPs comment as meaning people being past being happy in love with a partner as was mentioned in the post above his response rather than meaning folks who are older than him are past it
Funny how exactly what the OP is mentioning is happening - being met with insults and sarcasm rather than clarifying what he actually means considering there are a number of interpretations possible - and this from a number of posters already
OP - ignore, move on and have fun "
Out of interest, the OP posted the following earlier, but deleted it. Someone else had already quoted it. Not sure how many different ways this could be interpreted?
"Didn’t want to generalise but it seemed to be more older men with not a great deal going for them. Might just be bitter"
It would perhaps be better not to pull down others in an attempt to get a leg up oneself. An observation. |
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I'm struggling to find the insults you are talking about op. Following the green arrow to your previous posts there are actually very few replies at all and those that have replied are certainly not aimed at you.
Your earlier comment on this thread about jealous and bitter old men with nothing going for them was then followed up by the past(passed) it comment which isn't helping your case much. |
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it
Isn’t this post about you having a problem with people discriminating because of age?
Pot, kettle springs to mind with this comment…
I read OPs comment as meaning people being past being happy in love with a partner as was mentioned in the post above his response rather than meaning folks who are older than him are past it
Funny how exactly what the OP is mentioning is happening - being met with insults and sarcasm rather than clarifying what he actually means considering there are a number of interpretations possible - and this from a number of posters already
OP - ignore, move on and have fun
past being happy in love ?
I'm not sure what that means. Can you elaborate?"
You'll need to ask the poster who posted that comment - I quote:
"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’ "
I interpreted it as meaning that some people believe that when you're in your early 20s you should be happy in love with an exclusive relationship as is "traditional" or certainly would have been how I grew up, rather than actively seeking to join the swinging community.
And I interpreted the OPs response as a confirmation of that bias he's being met with - as in he should be in a loving exclusive relationship having fun and not meddling on a swinger's site at his age.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Green arrow the OP.
Check out the profile.
No one else is making it difficult for him to get into actual swinging "
this is where I was. Couldn't find what he was referring to .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it
I've got pants older than you so pipe down short stuff and I'm far from 'past it' "
Your definitely not past it your wonderful and drop dead gorgeous  |
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"I'm struggling to find the insults you are talking about op. Following the green arrow to your previous posts there are actually very few replies at all and those that have replied are certainly not aimed at you.
Your earlier comment on this thread about jealous and bitter old men with nothing going for them was then followed up by the past(passed) it comment which isn't helping your case much. "
I didn't see that comment... |
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"I'm struggling to find the insults you are talking about op. Following the green arrow to your previous posts there are actually very few replies at all and those that have replied are certainly not aimed at you.
Your earlier comment on this thread about jealous and bitter old men with nothing going for them was then followed up by the past(passed) it comment which isn't helping your case much.
I didn't see that comment..."
The OP deleted the comment after it was challenged (and quoted by someone else). An unhelpful comment at best. |
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"I'm struggling to find the insults you are talking about op. Following the green arrow to your previous posts there are actually very few replies at all and those that have replied are certainly not aimed at you.
Your earlier comment on this thread about jealous and bitter old men with nothing going for them was then followed up by the past(passed) it comment which isn't helping your case much.
I didn't see that comment..."
It's there. Being 50, get the gun for me now, because I'm ancient  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it
I've got pants older than you so pipe down short stuff and I'm far from 'past it'
Your definitely not past it your wonderful and drop dead gorgeous "
Oh shush! You are far too kind  x |
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"I'm struggling to find the insults you are talking about op. Following the green arrow to your previous posts there are actually very few replies at all and those that have replied are certainly not aimed at you.
Your earlier comment on this thread about jealous and bitter old men with nothing going for them was then followed up by the past(passed) it comment which isn't helping your case much.
I didn't see that comment...
It's there. Being 50, get the gun for me now, because I'm ancient "
You and me alike - though I'm a little younger so should be shot first  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm struggling to find the insults you are talking about op. Following the green arrow to your previous posts there are actually very few replies at all and those that have replied are certainly not aimed at you.
Your earlier comment on this thread about jealous and bitter old men with nothing going for them was then followed up by the past(passed) it comment which isn't helping your case much.
I didn't see that comment...
It's there. Being 50, get the gun for me now, because I'm ancient "
Literally a fossil, I'm nearly there |
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"I'm struggling to find the insults you are talking about op. Following the green arrow to your previous posts there are actually very few replies at all and those that have replied are certainly not aimed at you.
Your earlier comment on this thread about jealous and bitter old men with nothing going for them was then followed up by the past(passed) it comment which isn't helping your case much.
I didn't see that comment...
It's there. Being 50, get the gun for me now, because I'm ancient
Literally a fossil, I'm nearly there "
But what a fossil you are  x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm struggling to find the insults you are talking about op. Following the green arrow to your previous posts there are actually very few replies at all and those that have replied are certainly not aimed at you.
Your earlier comment on this thread about jealous and bitter old men with nothing going for them was then followed up by the past(passed) it comment which isn't helping your case much.
I didn't see that comment...
It's there. Being 50, get the gun for me now, because I'm ancient
Literally a fossil, I'm nearly there
But what a fossil you are x"
I'm a century from being oil...not long to go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being young on here can be so funny.
‘Why are you on a site like this at your age?’
‘You should be happy in love with your partner’
‘You should be enjoying yourself in your 20s’
Ah
Heard all of this before. Idk if they think this site is exclusively for people that are past it
I've got pants older than you so pipe down short stuff and I'm far from 'past it'
Your definitely not past it your wonderful and drop dead gorgeous
Oh shush! You are far too kind x"
Your welcome anytime x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure whether this is just my experience but I’m very curious on what other people have to say. I’ve been on this site for a while and occasionally post on forums but more often than not I get a sarcastic response from much older people.
I’m not sure whether my inexperience in swinging makes me stick out like a sore thumb but when asking genuine questions about the lifestyle I get almost ridiculed for not knowing all the ins and outs.
Have young single males got such a bad reputation on here?"
. There are truly some gatekeepers on here and I often challenge there sad existence and there nice little click |
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"I'm struggling to find the insults you are talking about op. Following the green arrow to your previous posts there are actually very few replies at all and those that have replied are certainly not aimed at you.
Your earlier comment on this thread about jealous and bitter old men with nothing going for them was then followed up by the past(passed) it comment which isn't helping your case much.
I didn't see that comment...
The OP deleted the comment after it was challenged (and quoted by someone else). An unhelpful comment at best. "
---I think I made that point originally and said to 'give it back' (obviously meaning if/when it actually happens). The thing is, the guy may not have much experience of this directly happening to him, but it's not hard to get the feeling of it on here, or to feel excluded for being younger (and esp if new). 'Swinging' (couples esp) was always more of a thing for 'older' people (ie beyond their 20s) but this site has developed into more than just a traditional swinging site that's the thing: it's a forum, a haven even, a cam and chatsite, a porn site of sorts, a kink directory for sure, a hookup joint for all kinds of people and unfortunately even a knocking shop for some people too (against the rules but hard to stop). It's a fair amount of things.---- |
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"I'm struggling to find the insults you are talking about op. Following the green arrow to your previous posts there are actually very few replies at all and those that have replied are certainly not aimed at you.
Your earlier comment on this thread about jealous and bitter old men with nothing going for them was then followed up by the past(passed) it comment which isn't helping your case much.
I didn't see that comment...
It's there. Being 50, get the gun for me now, because I'm ancient
Literally a fossil, I'm nearly there
But what a fossil you are x
I'm a century from being oil...not long to go "
I'll be diesel, you can be petrol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are truly some gatekeepers on here and I often challenge there sad existence and there nice little click
Noted "
He’s said this before in Newbies and Lurkers welcome thread. |
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You’re welcome 
