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Acceptance unconditionally x
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Was talking to a friend/neibour early on I knew her grandson was transgender, but what she told me made me sad for him her daughter(his mum) doesn't accept him being her son! I thought every parent would accept and support their child no matter what? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why should a mother accept there daughter is there son?,The mother gave birth to a daughter what ever that daughter chooses to do with her life doesn't change the fact that the mother gave birth to a girl not a boy, so it's up to the mother and only the mother to decide what she chooses to accept, must be very hard on everyone in these situations but I think parents are quite often presumed to have to accept when it's probably just as hard mentaly on the parents as it is on the son or daughter. |
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I have a friend who's son has transitioned to a woman and lives a happy life (forgive me if that's the wrong term) unfortunately her grandfather will no longer recognise her as even being human and has said some horrendous things about her.  |
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I can totally understand why it would be hard for a parent at first ,I remember a friend once telling me it felt like she was grieving for her only daughter.She also told me tho that all her sadness had to be done quietly as she had to be their to support and love her child unconditionally.
I can’t understand tho those parents that cut their children out of their life’s . |
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"I can understand why it might be very difficult for a parent to accept that their daughter is now their son or vice versa
Yes at first it is for sure as it's like a whole new person! X"
I'm a parent of a young teen in the process of transitioning.
They are most definitely not a whole new person! It just means that they have a different path ahead of them to a more "traditional" person...different issues and problems to a cis heterosexual teen...I can understand it's difficult to embrace as a parent but I have absolutely no understanding for any parent to not be supportive, loving and caring - regardless of gender identity, disability, political opinion etc. THAT is what love and parenting is about - it's unconditional! |
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Yes family are loved unconditionally. Would have absolutely no issue if any of my kids became trans whatsoever. All I care about is their happiness and I would be there every step of their difficult journey. |
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"I can totally understand why it would be hard for a parent at first ,I remember a friend once telling me it felt like she was grieving for her only daughter.She also told me tho that all her sadness had to be done quietly as she had to be their to support and love her child unconditionally.
I can’t understand tho those parents that cut their children out of their life’s ."
As mentioned, I am such a parent. And I can't actually understand that grief. What are parents grieving for? The loss of a certain gender? Or the loss of the path that a parent believes a child will take, that more traditional path of having an opposite sex partner and children down the line?
I had no wish or expectations of what gender children I gave birth to, I was happy knowing they were healthy. I also don't have expectations of the life my children choose to live, never have - I just want them to be happy with who they are and the path they choose, whatever that may look like for them.
And I do wonder is it the expectation of parents that they have of their children that causes this grief.
Obviously I am sad at the trials and tribulations my teen faces, the fact he utterly hates his body, the discrimination he's sure to be subjected to...all I can do as a parent is support, love and open my heart and mind to help them be strong, to help them know that they are worth every bit as much as the next person, and for them to grow with an open mind and heart to social differences so that others don't suffer the same discrimination in the future. |
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"Why should a mother accept there daughter is there son?,The mother gave birth to a daughter what ever that daughter chooses to do with her life doesn't change the fact that the mother gave birth to a girl not a boy, so it's up to the mother and only the mother to decide what she chooses to accept, must be very hard on everyone in these situations but I think parents are quite often presumed to have to accept when it's probably just as hard mentaly on the parents as it is on the son or daughter. "
Doubt very much its as difficult for the parent at all in fact no way is it ! And personally I think we shd accept whatever makes our children the full person they are! And yes they birth to the opposite gender but obvs wrong gender x |
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"I have a friend who's son has transitioned to a woman and lives a happy life (forgive me if that's the wrong term) unfortunately her grandfather will no longer recognise her as even being human and has said some horrendous things about her. "
Aww that's very sad for her! X |
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"Why should a mother accept there daughter is there son?,The mother gave birth to a daughter what ever that daughter chooses to do with her life doesn't change the fact that the mother gave birth to a girl not a boy, so it's up to the mother and only the mother to decide what she chooses to accept, must be very hard on everyone in these situations but I think parents are quite often presumed to have to accept when it's probably just as hard mentaly on the parents as it is on the son or daughter. "
Any parent has a responsibility for the child the minute you decide to be a parent - with that responsibility comes raising that child with love, care and attention until they are able to look after themselves at the very least, regardless of how they choose to identify. |
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"Why should a mother accept there daughter is there son?,The mother gave birth to a daughter what ever that daughter chooses to do with her life doesn't change the fact that the mother gave birth to a girl not a boy, so it's up to the mother and only the mother to decide what she chooses to accept, must be very hard on everyone in these situations but I think parents are quite often presumed to have to accept when it's probably just as hard mentaly on the parents as it is on the son or daughter. "
. A very good point
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"I can totally understand why it would be hard for a parent at first ,I remember a friend once telling me it felt like she was grieving for her only daughter.She also told me tho that all her sadness had to be done quietly as she had to be their to support and love her child unconditionally.
I can’t understand tho those parents that cut their children out of their life’s ."
Yes this exactly! I cried in private not because I was disappointed but because essentially I had lost one child to b replaced with another! But so so much happier! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why should a mother accept there daughter is there son?,The mother gave birth to a daughter what ever that daughter chooses to do with her life doesn't change the fact that the mother gave birth to a girl not a boy, so it's up to the mother and only the mother to decide what she chooses to accept, must be very hard on everyone in these situations but I think parents are quite often presumed to have to accept when it's probably just as hard mentaly on the parents as it is on the son or daughter. "
And transphobic as well?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was talking to a friend/neibour early on I knew her grandson was transgender, but what she told me made me sad for him her daughter(his mum) doesn't accept him being her son! I thought every parent would accept and support their child no matter what? X"
Lots of people are like this
I have gay friends who's parents have cut them off because they're gay
Not everyone is fit to become parent but there no legislation that says you can't have kids of you're anti-LGBTQ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why should a mother accept there daughter is there son?,The mother gave birth to a daughter what ever that daughter chooses to do with her life doesn't change the fact that the mother gave birth to a girl not a boy, so it's up to the mother and only the mother to decide what she chooses to accept, must be very hard on everyone in these situations but I think parents are quite often presumed to have to accept when it's probably just as hard mentaly on the parents as it is on the son or daughter.
And transphobic as well? "
why is what I said transphobic????? No where have I said anything negative or in the slightest transphobic I have just looked at it from the parents point of view. |
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"Why should a mother accept there daughter is there son?,The mother gave birth to a daughter what ever that daughter chooses to do with her life doesn't change the fact that the mother gave birth to a girl not a boy, so it's up to the mother and only the mother to decide what she chooses to accept, must be very hard on everyone in these situations but I think parents are quite often presumed to have to accept when it's probably just as hard mentaly on the parents as it is on the son or daughter. "
They gave birth to a person, a human. Wether it was a boy or a girl is not a choice they consciously or unconsciously made.
Yes that person was assigned a gender at birth based on the sexual organs but they would have loved it the same wether the shouted 'its a boy' or 'its a girl' after delivery.
Of course it is a lot for them to take in and there needs to be counselling provision but surely all most parents want(there are a few horrible examples out there) is for their child to be happy? |
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"I can understand why it might be very difficult for a parent to accept that their daughter is now their son or vice versa
Yes at first it is for sure as it's like a whole new person! X
I'm a parent of a young teen in the process of transitioning.
They are most definitely not a whole new person! It just means that they have a different path ahead of them to a more "traditional" person...different issues and problems to a cis heterosexual teen...I can understand it's difficult to embrace as a parent but I have absolutely no understanding for any parent to not be supportive, loving and caring - regardless of gender identity, disability, political opinion etc. THAT is what love and parenting is about - it's unconditional!"
For me its how i see her tbh as 2 different people !7 years on I don't think of her as formaly being a boy at all now! I do get a bit panicky if I can't visualise her as how she was if that makes sense because that person was my child to ! I wish u and your child the very best! |
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Some parents are very religious or conservative and wouldn’t accept their child being gay or living with another outside of wedlock. My Father tried to beat the ‘crossdressing thing’ out of me as a teenager. Spoiler alert, he failed 
Parents are for life, even the bad ones. I’m a parent and would prefer my Boys to be nothing like me. I’ve always wanted them to be better than me.
That parent has made a decision they’ll have to live with I disagree with them, but I don’t have to live with it, they do. In their case I hope the child moves on and becomes the person they want to be, like all of us tend to eventually become.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why should a mother accept there daughter is there son?,The mother gave birth to a daughter what ever that daughter chooses to do with her life doesn't change the fact that the mother gave birth to a girl not a boy, so it's up to the mother and only the mother to decide what she chooses to accept, must be very hard on everyone in these situations but I think parents are quite often presumed to have to accept when it's probably just as hard mentaly on the parents as it is on the son or daughter.
They gave birth to a person, a human. Wether it was a boy or a girl is not a choice they consciously or unconsciously made.
Yes that person was assigned a gender at birth based on the sexual organs but they would have loved it the same wether the shouted 'its a boy' or 'its a girl' after delivery.
Of course it is a lot for them to take in and there needs to be counselling provision but surely all most parents want(there are a few horrible examples out there) is for their child to be happy?"
|
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"Why should a mother accept there daughter is there son?,The mother gave birth to a daughter what ever that daughter chooses to do with her life doesn't change the fact that the mother gave birth to a girl not a boy, so it's up to the mother and only the mother to decide what she chooses to accept, must be very hard on everyone in these situations but I think parents are quite often presumed to have to accept when it's probably just as hard mentaly on the parents as it is on the son or daughter.
They gave birth to a person, a human. Wether it was a boy or a girl is not a choice they consciously or unconsciously made.
Yes that person was assigned a gender at birth based on the sexual organs but they would have loved it the same wether the shouted 'its a boy' or 'its a girl' after delivery.
Of course it is a lot for them to take in and there needs to be counselling provision but surely all most parents want(there are a few horrible examples out there) is for their child to be happy?"
They do but I think it's important to acknowledge that some people might find it difficult to come to terms with it. As parents we naturally accept our children for who and what they are but it might take time to cope with a shift in that. Parental love is unconditional but that doesn't mean that you don't need time to adjust to things or that you stop loving them while you do. |
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"I can totally understand why it would be hard for a parent at first ,I remember a friend once telling me it felt like she was grieving for her only daughter.She also told me tho that all her sadness had to be done quietly as she had to be their to support and love her child unconditionally.
I can’t understand tho those parents that cut their children out of their life’s .
As mentioned, I am such a parent. And I can't actually understand that grief. What are parents grieving for? The loss of a certain gender? Or the loss of the path that a parent believes a child will take, that more traditional path of having an opposite sex partner and children down the line?
I had no wish or expectations of what gender children I gave birth to, I was happy knowing they were healthy. I also don't have expectations of the life my children choose to live, never have - I just want them to be happy with who they are and the path they choose, whatever that may look like for them.
And I do wonder is it the expectation of parents that they have of their children that causes this grief.
Obviously I am sad at the trials and tribulations my teen faces, the fact he utterly hates his body, the discrimination he's sure to be subjected to...all I can do as a parent is support, love and open my heart and mind to help them be strong, to help them know that they are worth every bit as much as the next person, and for them to grow with an open mind and heart to social differences so that others don't suffer the same discrimination in the future. "
It wasent expectations that I was grieving at all I'm very proud of who she is now! I did feel very bad that I didn't know as she was growing up the turmoil she wrnt through she used to cut her arms! But she is a totally new person now completely different shes like a new person to me a happy contented young lady best way I can explain it x |
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By *imkev76Couple
over a year ago
GOSPORT |
I can understand how difficult it can be, could take some getting used to but time may help! I have bi-sexual Daughters and love them unconditionally- one is now married to a man and one very single and I love her when she brings home a girlfriend or a boyfriend - I actually feel honoured they are comfortable enough to be open with me! X |
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"I can understand why it might be very difficult for a parent to accept that their daughter is now their son or vice versa
Yes at first it is for sure as it's like a whole new person! X
I'm a parent of a young teen in the process of transitioning.
They are most definitely not a whole new person! It just means that they have a different path ahead of them to a more "traditional" person...different issues and problems to a cis heterosexual teen...I can understand it's difficult to embrace as a parent but I have absolutely no understanding for any parent to not be supportive, loving and caring - regardless of gender identity, disability, political opinion etc. THAT is what love and parenting is about - it's unconditional!
For me its how i see her tbh as 2 different people !7 years on I don't think of her as formaly being a boy at all now! I do get a bit panicky if I can't visualise her as how she was if that makes sense because that person was my child to ! I wish u and your child the very best! "
I can understand that everybody processes differently. That's ok.
What I fail to understand is a parent to withdraw love and support. That's not ok - in my opinion.
Thank you - we'll muddle our way through. I hope you will too  |
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"I can understand how difficult it can be, could take some getting used to but time may help! I have bi-sexual Daughters and love them unconditionally- one is now married to a man and one very single and I love her when she brings home a girlfriend or a boyfriend - I actually feel honoured they are comfortable enough to be open with me! X"
But they are still your daughters and all of the memories and experiences attached to that are still intact .
If they were to become your sons, then what? |
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"I can understand why it might be very difficult for a parent to accept that their daughter is now their son or vice versa
Yes at first it is for sure as it's like a whole new person! X
I'm a parent of a young teen in the process of transitioning.
They are most definitely not a whole new person! It just means that they have a different path ahead of them to a more "traditional" person...different issues and problems to a cis heterosexual teen...I can understand it's difficult to embrace as a parent but I have absolutely no understanding for any parent to not be supportive, loving and caring - regardless of gender identity, disability, political opinion etc. THAT is what love and parenting is about - it's unconditional!
For me its how i see her tbh as 2 different people !7 years on I don't think of her as formaly being a boy at all now! I do get a bit panicky if I can't visualise her as how she was if that makes sense because that person was my child to ! I wish u and your child the very best!
I can understand that everybody processes differently. That's ok.
What I fail to understand is a parent to withdraw love and support. That's not ok - in my opinion.
Thank you - we'll muddle our way through. I hope you will too "
As long as they are happy is all that matters and all any of us want for our children x |
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"I can understand why it might be very difficult for a parent to accept that their daughter is now their son or vice versa
Yes at first it is for sure as it's like a whole new person! X
I'm a parent of a young teen in the process of transitioning.
They are most definitely not a whole new person! It just means that they have a different path ahead of them to a more "traditional" person...different issues and problems to a cis heterosexual teen...I can understand it's difficult to embrace as a parent but I have absolutely no understanding for any parent to not be supportive, loving and caring - regardless of gender identity, disability, political opinion etc. THAT is what love and parenting is about - it's unconditional!
For me its how i see her tbh as 2 different people !7 years on I don't think of her as formaly being a boy at all now! I do get a bit panicky if I can't visualise her as how she was if that makes sense because that person was my child to ! I wish u and your child the very best!
I can understand that everybody processes differently. That's ok.
What I fail to understand is a parent to withdraw love and support. That's not ok - in my opinion.
Thank you - we'll muddle our way through. I hope you will too "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was talking to a friend/neibour early on I knew her grandson was transgender, but what she told me made me sad for him her daughter(his mum) doesn't accept him being her son! I thought every parent would accept and support their child no matter what? X"
You’d hope they would. Sadly for trans people, this isn’t the case. |
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"I can totally understand why it would be hard for a parent at first ,I remember a friend once telling me it felt like she was grieving for her only daughter.She also told me tho that all her sadness had to be done quietly as she had to be their to support and love her child unconditionally.
I can’t understand tho those parents that cut their children out of their life’s .
As mentioned, I am such a parent. And I can't actually understand that grief. What are parents grieving for? The loss of a certain gender? Or the loss of the path that a parent believes a child will take, that more traditional path of having an opposite sex partner and children down the line?
I had no wish or expectations of what gender children I gave birth to, I was happy knowing they were healthy. I also don't have expectations of the life my children choose to live, never have - I just want them to be happy with who they are and the path they choose, whatever that may look like for them.
And I do wonder is it the expectation of parents that they have of their children that causes this grief.
Obviously I am sad at the trials and tribulations my teen faces, the fact he utterly hates his body, the discrimination he's sure to be subjected to...all I can do as a parent is support, love and open my heart and mind to help them be strong, to help them know that they are worth every bit as much as the next person, and for them to grow with an open mind and heart to social differences so that others don't suffer the same discrimination in the future.
It wasent expectations that I was grieving at all I'm very proud of who she is now! I did feel very bad that I didn't know as she was growing up the turmoil she wrnt through she used to cut her arms! But she is a totally new person now completely different shes like a new person to me a happy contented young lady best way I can explain it x"
So she has made her way and found her path to contentment - which is all that we can hope for those we love and cherish. It sounds like you feel you weren't there for her while she was going through an obviously very tough time! That kind of support can make a huge difference for anyone with troubles growing up. I always think "what doesn't k&ll us makes us stronger". It sounds true for your young lady. And I believe it's the hardships that form us - the tough times will stand to her. She's a better person for it! And you are still a supportive part of her life  |
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"Was talking to a friend/neibour early on I knew her grandson was transgender, but what she told me made me sad for him her daughter(his mum) doesn't accept him being her son! I thought every parent would accept and support their child no matter what? X
You’d hope they would. Sadly for trans people, this isn’t the case. "
Perhaps acceptance is a transition too |
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"I can totally understand why it would be hard for a parent at first ,I remember a friend once telling me it felt like she was grieving for her only daughter.She also told me tho that all her sadness had to be done quietly as she had to be their to support and love her child unconditionally.
I can’t understand tho those parents that cut their children out of their life’s .
As mentioned, I am such a parent. And I can't actually understand that grief. What are parents grieving for? The loss of a certain gender? Or the loss of the path that a parent believes a child will take, that more traditional path of having an opposite sex partner and children down the line?
I had no wish or expectations of what gender children I gave birth to, I was happy knowing they were healthy. I also don't have expectations of the life my children choose to live, never have - I just want them to be happy with who they are and the path they choose, whatever that may look like for them.
And I do wonder is it the expectation of parents that they have of their children that causes this grief.
Obviously I am sad at the trials and tribulations my teen faces, the fact he utterly hates his body, the discrimination he's sure to be subjected to...all I can do as a parent is support, love and open my heart and mind to help them be strong, to help them know that they are worth every bit as much as the next person, and for them to grow with an open mind and heart to social differences so that others don't suffer the same discrimination in the future.
It wasent expectations that I was grieving at all I'm very proud of who she is now! I did feel very bad that I didn't know as she was growing up the turmoil she wrnt through she used to cut her arms! But she is a totally new person now completely different shes like a new person to me a happy contented young lady best way I can explain it x
So she has made her way and found her path to contentment - which is all that we can hope for those we love and cherish. It sounds like you feel you weren't there for her while she was going through an obviously very tough time! That kind of support can make a huge difference for anyone with troubles growing up. I always think "what doesn't k&ll us makes us stronger". It sounds true for your young lady. And I believe it's the hardships that form us - the tough times will stand to her. She's a better person for it! And you are still a supportive part of her life "
Yes that is true! But I do feel guilty for not knowing feel I should have known she is very complex as has aspergers as well but as u say she's happy now that's all that matters ! She told me she contemplated suicide at one point and I had no idea! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately people are far less tolerating and accepting of change in reality than they are in theory a lot of the time. They can also be surprisingly open to accepting others, but unfortunately the opposite is true too. Hope he doesn't end up with issues from her not accepting him, and that she maybe ends up accepting him for who he is some day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was talking to a friend/neibour early on I knew her grandson was transgender, but what she told me made me sad for him her daughter(his mum) doesn't accept him being her son! I thought every parent would accept and support their child no matter what? X
You’d hope they would. Sadly for trans people, this isn’t the case.
Perhaps acceptance is a transition too"
I mean I’m not saying it isn’t. I hope they get there in the end but the person that needs support in the situation is the person coming out as trans. And a response that in any way rejects them, even if only temporary, to me is not something I’m on board with. Loving your child to me is responding lovingly and acceptingly to them even if you haven’t got there yet. My daughter is only small but that’s how I plan to be and how I wish my family were. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can understand why it might be very difficult for a parent to accept that their daughter is now their son or vice versa "
It may take a bit to get your head around but acceptance would be immediate for me anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why should a mother accept there daughter is there son?,The mother gave birth to a daughter what ever that daughter chooses to do with her life doesn't change the fact that the mother gave birth to a girl not a boy, so it's up to the mother and only the mother to decide what she chooses to accept, must be very hard on everyone in these situations but I think parents are quite often presumed to have to accept when it's probably just as hard mentaly on the parents as it is on the son or daughter. "
Wow some people just shouldn't have kids |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can understand why it might be very difficult for a parent to accept that their daughter is now their son or vice versa
It may take a bit to get your head around but acceptance would be immediate for me anyway"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I'm a parent of a young teen in the process of transitioning.
They are most definitely not a whole new person! It just means that they have a different path ahead of them to a more "traditional" person...different issues and problems to a cis heterosexual teen...I can understand it's difficult to embrace as a parent but I have absolutely no understanding for any parent to not be supportive, loving and caring - regardless of gender identity, disability, political opinion etc. THAT is what love and parenting is about - it's unconditional!"
What a lovely reply. If only all parents be so understanding.
I wish your child every happiness in their future. It’s not an easy path but having such great support at home is invaluable.
Viv x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know of a couple of cases personally. To my (owl) way of thinking the parent(s) is(are) holding on to their own ideals and dreams and expect their offspring to have the same view. That is only an opinion though it is behaviour you can easily see when you look for it. It comes from the parent(s) failing to fulfill their own lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was talking to a friend/neibour early on I knew her grandson was transgender, but what she told me made me sad for him her daughter(his mum) doesn't accept him being her son! I thought every parent would accept and support their child no matter what? X"
It’s still their child/ flesh and blood that they gave birth to …..I’ll support / accept my children for whatever they are or want to be regardless they are my whole world |
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So she has made her way and found her path to contentment - which is all that we can hope for those we love and cherish. It sounds like you feel you weren't there for her while she was going through an obviously very tough time! That kind of support can make a huge difference for anyone with troubles growing up. I always think "what doesn't k&ll us makes us stronger". It sounds true for your young lady. And I believe it's the hardships that form us - the tough times will stand to her. She's a better person for it! And you are still a supportive part of her life
Yes that is true! But I do feel guilty for not knowing feel I should have known she is very complex as has aspergers as well but as u say she's happy now that's all that matters ! She told me she contemplated suicide at one point and I had no idea! X"
I can understand your feelings of guilt. It sounds like you would have been there for her had you known. Maybe it's time to forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up over it because you'll never be able to change the past. Hopefully that special lady knows and understands that too! A conversation with her might help so that you can bury that guilt?
My teen is also on the spectrum and has had suicidal thoughts in the past. All I can do is my best, with all available services, and hope for a happy outcome. I've plenty of moments of doubt in my parenting style and skills... hopefully one day he'll be able to tell me I did ok! |
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