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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The Fire Service were left nonplussed today after dousing a fire in a Belfast pub to find ten Irishmen standing at the counter with both arms outstretched. The men were dead and burnt to a crisp and it was only after a sharp-eyed fireman noticed the emergency exit sign that the riddle was solved. It read: In case of emergencies, push bar to open |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why did the chicken cross the road?
It's actually none of your business, I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned."
Why did the baby cross the road though?
Cos it was stapled to the chicken!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When you close the fridge door, how do you know for certain that the light has gone off. I mean for absolute certain.
And how does the road know where I'm going? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
Hubby went to the doctors suffering from premature ejaculation the Dr said "it must be very stressful for your wife " he said "to be perfectly honest it's getting on her tits " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why doesn't a woman need a wrist watch?
Because they're actually becoming generally obsolete with the advent of mobile phones."
Not many people have wrist watches these days either.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
I haven't got a twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times.
I've got three followers so far, but I think two are cops |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After 20 years of marriage a couple are lying in bed one evening, the missus feels her husband start to fondle her in ways he hadn't for quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at the back of her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just above her lower stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of get breast again, working down her side, gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping at the uppermost portion of her leg,
He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite arouse by the caressing she asked in a loving voice "That was wonderful, why did you stop?".
He replied: "I found the remote". |
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