FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > “Men can’t talk to women”
“Men can’t talk to women”
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"It's more the lack of conversation. Where you don't go beyond polite conversation you'd have with someone in the supermarket queue. Nobody likes a one sided conversation where it becomes work to get it flowing. " Hmm, so more to do with conversational skills, being interested, moving things along than being a jerk, so to speak. | |||
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"It's more the lack of conversation. Where you don't go beyond polite conversation you'd have with someone in the supermarket queue. Nobody likes a one sided conversation where it becomes work to get it flowing. Hmm, so more to do with conversational skills, being interested, moving things along than being a jerk, so to speak. " I wouldn't reply to someone that was being a jerk or too crude in an opening message. And as a poster above has said, many men start the conversation but don't want to put any effort into maintaining it. | |||
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"How do you talk to your friends and colleagues? Are none of them women? How about family members, sisters, aunts, mother's etc. There's no secret to talking to women, we're the same species as you, there's no mystery to us we have similar hopes, fears, dreams. "Yes, I get that. And actually I have no female friends and no family so, yeah, I would not have had the practice! Very few female colleagues either as it happens. | |||
"First forum thread so be gentle! (gulp) I’ve seen, “men don’t know how to talk to women”, or similar such phrases come up a few times in forum posts and wonder what it means? For context, I’ve always struggled with talking to women (put it down to an introvert personality, a certain shyness and lack of confidence) so I, and maybe others too, would perhaps benefit from getting an idea from the good ladies of Fab. Is it a general crass attitude/lack of social skills, or is it something more specific like a lack of charm or a disarming quality/nature? Is it both (I guess they’d go hand in hand)? Has social media and ‘hook up’ apps made things worse? Is it partly (and I hesitate to ask cos these is mirky waters) because some men are threatened by ‘strong’ women? One for the ladies for sure, but the more erudite guys might like to chip in too?" I think it varies. It's definitely not all men. It's not just a case of men not being able to talk to women. They sometimes don't seem able to hold a sensible converstaion with other men or couples. By 'conversation' I'm talking more about messages on site but we've experienced similar in clubs and at socials. There seems to sometimes be an inability to continue a basic conversation beyond an initial introduction, as if just because you're on a swingers site you speak a different language! Chat either rapidly descends into graphic sex chat, or grinds to a halt with an apparent lack of anything to say. Sure . this is a site where people want to get naked and fuck others. Likewise in a club most are there for the same physical interactions. But there's generally an expectancy that you'll be able to hold a conversation, express yourself clearly and communicate in more than text speak/sex chat during discussions, whether face to face or online. A | |||
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"It's generally the crass attitude/ lack of social skills that annoys me. Can't blame the men for immediately going into sex talk though. The site is full of pics of cum dripping pussies, erect sticky cocks, sex menus, sex reviews ("give her a try guys, she suck and fucks great!!") Etc. Some people are here just for sex hook ups. Immediate sex chat works for them. Some are here for different things. Do what works for you...." 
I think those that are successful in holding conversations and getting their messages read (both men and women) can probably read their audience better, and establish whether graphic chat from the outset will work and be accepted well or whether casual banter, humour and a slower approach is the way to go.
Everyone is different. People move at different speeds.
It's important to try and work out the required style and pace early on, else you could just piss off someone that may have otherwise been very interested quite quickly.
A | |||
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"It's generally the crass attitude/ lack of social skills that annoys me. Can't blame the men for immediately going into sex talk though. The site is full of pics of cum dripping pussies, erect sticky cocks, sex menus, sex reviews ("give her a try guys, she suck and fucks great!!") Etc. Some people are here just for sex hook ups. Immediate sex chat works for them. Some are here for different things. Do what works for you....
I think those that are successful in holding conversations and getting their messages read (both men and women) can probably read their audience better, and establish whether graphic chat from the outset will work and be accepted well or whether casual banter, humour and a slower approach is the way to go.
Everyone is different. People move at different speeds.
It's important to try and work out the required style and pace early on, else you could just piss off someone that may have otherwise been very interested quite quickly.
A"I was actually thinking more of face-to-face as opposed to messaging, but I understand these things apply in both contexts. Certainly I would struggle far more with the face-to-face interactions; messaging/'chat' is easier for me. | |||
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"It's hard. I don't envy men. Some men I just click with and the conversation just flows. Others it's like pulling teeth on both sides. It's just one of those things. Good post OP. " Cheers | |||
"It's generally the crass attitude/ lack of social skills that annoys me. Can't blame the men for immediately going into sex talk though. The site is full of pics of cum dripping pussies, erect sticky cocks, sex menus, sex reviews ("give her a try guys, she suck and fucks great!!") Etc. Some people are here just for sex hook ups. Immediate sex chat works for them. Some are here for different things. Do what works for you....
I think those that are successful in holding conversations and getting their messages read (both men and women) can probably read their audience better, and establish whether graphic chat from the outset will work and be accepted well or whether casual banter, humour and a slower approach is the way to go.
Everyone is different. People move at different speeds.
It's important to try and work out the required style and pace early on, else you could just piss off someone that may have otherwise been very interested quite quickly.
A
I was actually thinking more of face-to-face as opposed to messaging, but I understand these things apply in both contexts. Certainly I would struggle far more with the face-to-face interactions; messaging/'chat' is easier for me. "Apologies, this may sound like a stupid question. Do you struggle with speaking to men you don't know? Or with women who you're not attracted to (and don't necessarily see as sexual beings)? I'm not inferring that you see all women as sexual beings! X | |||
"It's generally the crass attitude/ lack of social skills that annoys me. Can't blame the men for immediately going into sex talk though. The site is full of pics of cum dripping pussies, erect sticky cocks, sex menus, sex reviews ("give her a try guys, she suck and fucks great!!") Etc. Some people are here just for sex hook ups. Immediate sex chat works for them. Some are here for different things. Do what works for you....
I think those that are successful in holding conversations and getting their messages read (both men and women) can probably read their audience better, and establish whether graphic chat from the outset will work and be accepted well or whether casual banter, humour and a slower approach is the way to go.
Everyone is different. People move at different speeds.
It's important to try and work out the required style and pace early on, else you could just piss off someone that may have otherwise been very interested quite quickly.
A
I was actually thinking more of face-to-face as opposed to messaging, but I understand these things apply in both contexts. Certainly I would struggle far more with the face-to-face interactions; messaging/'chat' is easier for me.
Apologies, this may sound like a stupid question.
Do you struggle with speaking to men you don't know? Or with women who you're not attracted to (and don't necessarily see as sexual beings)?
I'm not inferring that you see all women as sexual beings! X"Yes, part of my introvert personalty I guess. | |||
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"From my experience, men are very good at initiating the conversation but expect women to carry it afterwards. It takes two to have a conversation and get a vibe of a person. The best things always need a little effort put it beforehand." My experience is actually the complete reverse of this. I haven't sent a first contact message on here since the beginning of 2020 so every conversation in the last 2+ years has been initiated by women. Some are guilty of all the things guys are accused of with messages consisting of "hi" "hru?" "Nice pics" and some take it to the next level and skip all the above and go straight to "facepic and phone number now please". For those that make an effort to have a conversation it often becomes a one sided conversation where even though I'm expected to carry it or do the chasing they lose interest if I don't. I've had well verified fabbers contact me out of the blue to say how much they are looking forward to meeting me at an upcoming social and then completely blank me on the night and not even acknowledge I was there simply because I didn't chase after them. How do you talk to a woman? Just like you would have any other conversation where 2 people are on the same level. The moment pedestals are involved or the other party has particular expectations I walk away. | |||
"From my experience, men are very good at initiating the conversation but expect women to carry it afterwards. It takes two to have a conversation and get a vibe of a person. The best things always need a little effort put it beforehand. My experience is actually the complete reverse of this. I haven't sent a first contact message on here since the beginning of 2020 so every conversation in the last 2+ years has been initiated by women. Some are guilty of all the things guys are accused of with messages consisting of "hi" "hru?" "Nice pics" and some take it to the next level and skip all the above and go straight to "facepic and phone number now please". For those that make an effort to have a conversation it often becomes a one sided conversation where even though I'm expected to carry it or do the chasing they lose interest if I don't. I've had well verified fabbers contact me out of the blue to say how much they are looking forward to meeting me at an upcoming social and then completely blank me on the night and not even acknowledge I was there simply because I didn't chase after them. How do you talk to a woman? Just like you would have any other conversation where 2 people are on the same level. The moment pedestals are involved or the other party has particular expectations I walk away. " Interesting that it can (and apparently does) work both ways. Hornet's nest new thread anyone! | |||
"Just chatting about random crap seems to work while talking to fellas women dogs cats parrots offspring chatting shit is chatting shit" Yep. I talk about all sorts with lots of people. I've had some of the best chats here with men. I do judge men who send the crass opening messages "nice tits" but I don't think that men can't talk to women. I just talk to interesting people. | |||
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"I think "some" men think just because of the nature of this site they can be as crass/vulgar or whatever they choose and don't feel the need to have a "normal" conversation. It often makes me wonder if they would say half the stuff they do out in the RW..." | |||
'Some men' are dogs is different to 'men' are dogs! See what I did there | |||
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Viv | |||
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"It's generally the crass attitude/ lack of social skills that annoys me. Can't blame the men for immediately going into sex talk though. The site is full of pics of cum dripping pussies, erect sticky cocks, sex menus, sex reviews ("give her a try guys, she suck and fucks great!!") Etc. Some people are here just for sex hook ups. Immediate sex chat works for them. Some are here for different things. Do what works for you....
I think those that are successful in holding conversations and getting their messages read (both men and women) can probably read their audience better, and establish whether graphic chat from the outset will work and be accepted well or whether casual banter, humour and a slower approach is the way to go.
Everyone is different. People move at different speeds.
It's important to try and work out the required style and pace early on, else you could just piss off someone that may have otherwise been very interested quite quickly.
A
I was actually thinking more of face-to-face as opposed to messaging, but I understand these things apply in both contexts. Certainly I would struggle far more with the face-to-face interactions; messaging/'chat' is easier for me.
Apologies, this may sound like a stupid question.
Do you struggle with speaking to men you don't know? Or with women who you're not attracted to (and don't necessarily see as sexual beings)?
I'm not inferring that you see all women as sexual beings! X
Yes, part of my introvert personalty I guess. "I'd suggest working on your social skills as a whole. Put yourself in a suitable social situation with strangers. Chat to them. If they don't chat back, move on to the next one. Observe how other people chat. Maybe like in a pub or a party. The beauty of them being strangers is, you have nothing to lose. Even if they think you're a knob, you will never see them again!
The more you do this the easier it gets.
My friend has a brilliant skill of putting people at ease. He chats to them the same way he'd chat to an old friend who you haven't seen in a while.
Think about how you interact with people you already know when you bump into them out and about. Do that. | |||
"I will go gentle as requested OP but also be honest. Whenever I read posts from guys saying they’re shy, have no confidence and have no idea how to talk to women I always wonder why on earth they’ve joined a site like Fab. If they can’t cope in the real world how do they expect it to be any different on here?
Viv"I wonder this too. I suppose it's the thought that Swinger women are up for a fuck 24/7. All you have to do is ask. | |||
"I wonder this too. I suppose it's the thought that Swinger women are up for a fuck 24/7. All you have to do is ask. " Please Miss, can I have a shag? | |||
"I wonder this too. I suppose it's the thought that Swinger women are up for a fuck 24/7. All you have to do is ask. Please Miss, can I have a shag?" *legs open* | |||
"First forum thread so be gentle! (gulp) I’ve seen, “men don’t know how to talk to women”, or similar such phrases come up a few times in forum posts and wonder what it means? For context, I’ve always struggled with talking to women (put it down to an introvert personality, a certain shyness and lack of confidence) so I, and maybe others too, would perhaps benefit from getting an idea from the good ladies of Fab. Is it a general crass attitude/lack of social skills, or is it something more specific like a lack of charm or a disarming quality/nature? Is it both (I guess they’d go hand in hand)? Has social media and ‘hook up’ apps made things worse? Is it partly (and I hesitate to ask cos these is mirky waters) because some men are threatened by ‘strong’ women? One for the ladies for sure, but the more erudite guys might like to chip in too?" Tricky question treacle I was brought up with 7 uncles, I'm not to lady like at all, I swear like a trooper, drink like a fish, and only wear dresses when the occasion calls for one. My own opinion is be who you are, apperantly people can smell fake a mile off. Why try and be something that everyone wants it soon gets boring. And also some women don't know how to talk to women/men swings and roundabouts. | |||
"I will go gentle as requested OP but also be honest. Whenever I read posts from guys saying they’re shy, have no confidence and have no idea how to talk to women I always wonder why on earth they’ve joined a site like Fab. If they can’t cope in the real world how do they expect it to be any different on here?
Viv"So does this mean because I suffer with a stammer which causes me to struggle during a conversation I shouldn't be on FAB? It would make no difference to how my speach comes out weather I am talking to someone in the pub or on FAB! | |||
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"I wonder this too. I suppose it's the thought that Swinger women are up for a fuck 24/7. All you have to do is ask. Please Miss, can I have a shag? *legs open*"  | |||
"I will go gentle as requested OP but also be honest. Whenever I read posts from guys saying they’re shy, have no confidence and have no idea how to talk to women I always wonder why on earth they’ve joined a site like Fab. If they can’t cope in the real world how do they expect it to be any different on here?
Viv"Off topic. | |||
" Off topic." How so? | |||
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" So does this mean because I suffer with a stammer which causes me to struggle during a conversation I shouldn't be on FAB? It would make no difference to how my speach comes out weather I am talking to someone in the pub or on FAB!" Absolutely not. My post was entirely directed at those who say they are shy and lack confidence. I’m unsure as to how you reached your conclusion. Viv | |||
" So does this mean because I suffer with a stammer which causes me to struggle during a conversation I shouldn't be on FAB? It would make no difference to how my speach comes out weather I am talking to someone in the pub or on FAB! Absolutely not. My post was entirely directed at those who say they are shy and lack confidence. I’m unsure as to how you reached your conclusion. Viv" In addition, having just read your profile nothing suggests that you lack confidence in talking to women. | |||
"I will go gentle as requested OP but also be honest. Whenever I read posts from guys saying they’re shy, have no confidence and have no idea how to talk to women I always wonder why on earth they’ve joined a site like Fab. If they can’t cope in the real world how do they expect it to be any different on here?
Viv
Off topic."Not in the slightest. The OP himself stated he was shy in the very first post. The fact is that if you struggle to make conversation in the real world it'll be twice as hard on here. Fab is a tough crowd that has no obligation to respond at all, let alone in a gentle, patient manner. If you can't make a good first impression you've generally missed the boat. A | |||
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" Off topic. Not in the slightest. The OP himself stated he was shy in the very first post. The fact is that if you struggle to make conversation in the real world it'll be twice as hard on here. Fab is a tough crowd that has no obligation to respond at all, let alone in a gentle, patient manner. If you can't make a good first impression you've generally missed the boat. A" Thank you x | |||
" Whenever I read posts from guys saying they’re shy, have no confidence and have no idea how to talk to women I always wonder why on earth they’ve joined a site like Fab. If they can’t cope in the real world how do they expect it to be any different on here?
Viv
I wonder this too. I suppose it's the thought that Swinger women are up for a fuck 24/7. All you have to do is ask.
"I have a lot of empathy with the op. I'm autistic and a little hard of hearing. Social situations can be terrifying. Most of us have had introduce ourselves to a room full of strangers at a training course, some people enjoy the exposure others are paralysed by adrenaline. It doesn't mean they can't communicate and hold conversations, very competently, on a range of topics. Just that that initial ice breaker is a real challenge. I find many people like to chat about trivia, small talk, or celeb. drama or banter, for example, and I have a really hard time staying with it. Sometimes someone dives in with something truly engaging right off the bat. If I stick with though I can find my feet, get calm, the fog recedes and I can get on with most and find those connections which I think we're all seeking. I will say I have read, and participated in some really good conversations on fab and met some captivating personalities. | |||
"From my experience, men are very good at initiating the conversation but expect women to carry it afterwards. It takes two to have a conversation and get a vibe of a person. The best things always need a little effort put it beforehand. My experience is actually the complete reverse of this. I haven't sent a first contact message on here since the beginning of 2020 so every conversation in the last 2+ years has been initiated by women. Some are guilty of all the things guys are accused of with messages consisting of "hi" "hru?" "Nice pics" and some take it to the next level and skip all the above and go straight to "facepic and phone number now please". For those that make an effort to have a conversation it often becomes a one sided conversation where even though I'm expected to carry it or do the chasing they lose interest if I don't. I've had well verified fabbers contact me out of the blue to say how much they are looking forward to meeting me at an upcoming social and then completely blank me on the night and not even acknowledge I was there simply because I didn't chase after them. How do you talk to a woman? Just like you would have any other conversation where 2 people are on the same level. The moment pedestals are involved or the other party has particular expectations I walk away. " This ...just this! | |||
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Imagine you’re trying to make a good impression. Which, of course, you should be!
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"If you feel like you need to make an effort then you clearly aren't that compatible. Conversation shouldn't be effort, male or female. " | |||
"Some people give the impression that women are a different species and as such there is a specific blueprint for speaking to them. If I was a woman I would expect men to see me as a person first, a woman second and to talk as equals. If I was a woman I would put the smoke blowers and sychophants in the same basket as the knuckle draggers. How you talk to a woman also depends on the woman. Having met someone through fab who rather than saying hello when we met for the first time asked instead if I was nervous about meeting her I'm well aware that some people like to be spoken up to. Just to put all this into perspective I'm coming at this from someone who had zero self esteem or confidence until shortly before turning 50 so any success I've had in talking to women has been by not treating them as a different species. " As a woman I'd certainly agree with what you've said. I just want to be talked to like a person. I don't want sycophantic messages. I don't need grandiose compliments. Just ordinary chat. | |||
"Some people give the impression that women are a different species and as such there is a specific blueprint for speaking to them. If I was a woman I would expect men to see me as a person first, a woman second and to talk as equals. If I was a woman I would put the smoke blowers and sychophants in the same basket as the knuckle draggers. How you talk to a woman also depends on the woman. Having met someone through fab who rather than saying hello when we met for the first time asked instead if I was nervous about meeting her I'm well aware that some people like to be spoken up to. Just to put all this into perspective I'm coming at this from someone who had zero self esteem or confidence until shortly before turning 50 so any success I've had in talking to women has been by not treating them as a different species. As a woman I'd certainly agree with what you've said. I just want to be talked to like a person. I don't want sycophantic messages. I don't need grandiose compliments. Just ordinary chat. " Grandiose compliments from someone I've never met, who's just seen pics on here, is a massive NO. How on earth can I be the most gorgeous/sexy/whatever blah blah, if you've only seen a few snapshots of bits of me and haven't a clue about my personality? I agree - just chat. | |||
"First forum thread so be gentle! (gulp) I’ve seen, “men don’t know how to talk to women”, or similar such phrases come up a few times in forum posts and wonder what it means? For context, I’ve always struggled with talking to women (put it down to an introvert personality, a certain shyness and lack of confidence) so I, and maybe others too, would perhaps benefit from getting an idea from the good ladies of Fab. Is it a general crass attitude/lack of social skills, or is it something more specific like a lack of charm or a disarming quality/nature? Is it both (I guess they’d go hand in hand)? Has social media and ‘hook up’ apps made things worse? Is it partly (and I hesitate to ask cos these is mirky waters) because some men are threatened by ‘strong’ women? One for the ladies for sure, but the more erudite guys might like to chip in too?" you communicate with women by keeping your mouth shut and listening to what they are saying. | |||
" Whenever I read posts from guys saying they’re shy, have no confidence and have no idea how to talk to women I always wonder why on earth they’ve joined a site like Fab. If they can’t cope in the real world how do they expect it to be any different on here?
Viv
I wonder this too. I suppose it's the thought that Swinger women are up for a fuck 24/7. All you have to do is ask.
I have a lot of empathy with the op. I'm autistic and a little hard of hearing. Social situations can be terrifying. Most of us have had introduce ourselves to a room full of strangers at a training course, some people enjoy the exposure others are paralysed by adrenaline.
It doesn't mean they can't communicate and hold conversations, very competently, on a range of topics. Just that that initial ice breaker is a real challenge.
I find many people like to chat about trivia, small talk, or celeb. drama or banter, for example, and I have a really hard time staying with it**. Sometimes someone dives in with something truly engaging right off the bat.
If I stick with though I can find my feet, get calm, the fog recedes and I can get on with most and find those connections which I think we're all seeking.
I will say I have read, and participated in some really good conversations on fab and met some captivating personalities.
"My comment (that you replied to) wasn't aimed at the OP, apologies if it seemed that way. It was a general point. I think many people struggle at least sometimes with the ice breaker. **What do you mean you have a hard time staying with it? Like you lose track of what they're saying? | |||
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".... Disclaimer...... I haven't read everything ..... cos I have to go for a bath ..... Men CAN talk to women. Ask their teachers ask their mums , their sisters , their grans. What some men have a problem with is ........ NOT being able to say 'FAF' and they have to drop a few crumbs or do a courtship dance or buy the drinks..... Anyman can talk to anywoman he doesn't want a fuck from. Thank you Granny Confucksious " This for me too. Being shy and awkward is one thing but a lot of the time the "inability" is more just not treating us like a human being. We're either objectified as a source of what they want (sex/a relationship) or placed on some weird pedestal of being some sort of unobtainable, magical creature. | |||
"It's generally the crass attitude/ lack of social skills that annoys me. Can't blame the men for immediately going into sex talk though. The site is full of pics of cum dripping pussies, erect sticky cocks, sex menus, sex reviews ("give her a try guys, she suck and fucks great!!") Etc. Some people are here just for sex hook ups. Immediate sex chat works for them. Some are here for different things. Do what works for you....
I think those that are successful in holding conversations and getting their messages read (both men and women) can probably read their audience better, and establish whether graphic chat from the outset will work and be accepted well or whether casual banter, humour and a slower approach is the way to go.
Everyone is different. People move at different speeds.
It's important to try and work out the required style and pace early on, else you could just piss off someone that may have otherwise been very interested quite quickly.
A"No need for me to read any further in this thread, this sums it up exactly. It's do or die in the first few messages as Obi said. Exactly the same face to face I think in a club too. Recognise your audience and adjust your chat accordingly. | |||
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".... Disclaimer...... I haven't read everything ..... cos I have to go for a bath ..... Men CAN talk to women. Ask their teachers ask their mums , their sisters , their grans. What some men have a problem with is ........ NOT being able to say 'FAF' and they have to drop a few crumbs or do a courtship dance or buy the drinks..... Anyman can talk to anywoman he doesn't want a fuck from. Thank you Granny Confucksious This for me too. Being shy and awkward is one thing but a lot of the time the "inability" is more just not treating us like a human being. We're either objectified as a source of what they want (sex/a relationship) or placed on some weird pedestal of being some sort of unobtainable, magical creature. " Latter probably because most if not all attempts at vying attention are for naught so simply getting an acknowledgment is an unexpected surprise, no offence but you only have to be a decent looking woman and you will get attention with minimal effort. | |||
".... Disclaimer...... I haven't read everything ..... cos I have to go for a bath ..... Men CAN talk to women. Ask their teachers ask their mums , their sisters , their grans. What some men have a problem with is ........ NOT being able to say 'FAF' and they have to drop a few crumbs or do a courtship dance or buy the drinks..... Anyman can talk to anywoman he doesn't want a fuck from. Thank you Granny Confucksious This for me too. Being shy and awkward is one thing but a lot of the time the "inability" is more just not treating us like a human being. We're either objectified as a source of what they want (sex/a relationship) or placed on some weird pedestal of being some sort of unobtainable, magical creature. Latter probably because most if not all attempts at vying attention are for naught so simply getting an acknowledgment is an unexpected surprise, no offence but you only have to be a decent looking woman and you will get attention with minimal effort." And this sort of concept makes the "decent looking" women feel so much better about themselves, presumably? That they're getting a shag because they're the lowest threshold deemed "suitable"?! Golly. | |||
"How do you talk to your friends and colleagues? Are none of them women? How about family members, sisters, aunts, mother's etc. There's no secret to talking to women, we're the same species as you, there's no mystery to us we have similar hopes, fears, dreams.
Yes, I get that. And actually I have no female friends and no family so, yeah, I would not have had the practice! Very few female colleagues either as it happens. "“Mr” here. But I did run this past Jenny and she mostly agreed with it so I assume the advice has some Merit. I assume you are talking in person (since you raise the shyness issue) - incidentally I think chatting in person vs this day and age of social Media and apps requires a slightly differences approach due to the absence of body language and eye contact and the greater opportunity for misinterpretation through “text only” chatting. If you struggle or lack experience talking with women then you’re going to be at a disadvantage ok social media apps and text type chatting through forums like those too. However: Work on confidence . Being shy/quiet does not help the flow of a conversation, as people get bored or think you might not like them enough to make an effort. but being too forward and cocky can also be off putting for some (though oddly there are some who like it. To work in this consider joining a amateur dramatic company, voluntary group or some such social group where you can practise these skills in a non sexual environment. Empathy: there’s a good video about closing a deal and it states that whilst knowledge and talent will help you seal the deal - it is empathy that gets you in the door. Same is true if any relationship in the early stages whether you are ‘ selling’ yourself or anything else. Show more interest in them than yourself. Eye contact: again linked to confidence issues most likely - but talking to the floor, side, table or even worse her chest is not going to help. Make eye contact regularly and be engaged a smile or frown when appropriate can relax people. These subtleties should be natural of course, but can also be learnt if they are not entirely natural characteristics. Topics: make sure you’ve got something to say worth listening too. Not everyone has a keen interest in what we ourselves might be obsessed with so it is vital to be well read and aware of the general current affairs in the wider world. Play the centre ground. We all have difference opinions and views, but it is best to refrain from these especially in the rarely days. So avoiding the topics that tend to polarise discussion and attitudes is just as important as showing interest and having enough flow of chit chat to avoid awkward pauses. ALWAYS be polite, never crass or hint at naughty innuendo. That will put off more than it will appeal to. It will come in time - but in general - and this is of course a sweeping statement but it comes from a LOT of experience - most women don’t like dirty text talk to the extent that men do. So it will not always go down well. Always better to react subtly and follow than to lead in this area. It they like you then they’ll be sure to let you know if they need you to “do More” in that dept. Hope some of this waffle is of some use. All the best and good luck! | |||
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"First forum thread so be gentle! (gulp) I’ve seen, “men don’t know how to talk to women”, or similar such phrases come up a few times in forum posts and wonder what it means? For context, I’ve always struggled with talking to women (put it down to an introvert personality, a certain shyness and lack of confidence) so I, and maybe others too, would perhaps benefit from getting an idea from the good ladies of Fab. Is it a general crass attitude/lack of social skills, or is it something more specific like a lack of charm or a disarming quality/nature? Is it both (I guess they’d go hand in hand)? Has social media and ‘hook up’ apps made things worse? Is it partly (and I hesitate to ask cos these is mirky waters) because some men are threatened by ‘strong’ women? One for the ladies for sure, but the more erudite guys might like to chip in too?" If the conversation stutters or gets a long silence then one if not both have not " clicked " , people will only get along if they have something in common , well I think anyway . | |||
".... Disclaimer...... I haven't read everything ..... cos I have to go for a bath ..... Men CAN talk to women. Ask their teachers ask their mums , their sisters , their grans. What some men have a problem with is ........ NOT being able to say 'FAF' and they have to drop a few crumbs or do a courtship dance or buy the drinks..... Anyman can talk to anywoman he doesn't want a fuck from. Thank you Granny Confucksious This for me too. Being shy and awkward is one thing but a lot of the time the "inability" is more just not treating us like a human being. We're either objectified as a source of what they want (sex/a relationship) or placed on some weird pedestal of being some sort of unobtainable, magical creature. Latter probably because most if not all attempts at vying attention are for naught so simply getting an acknowledgment is an unexpected surprise, no offence but you only have to be a decent looking woman and you will get attention with minimal effort." Absolutely, we women go through life ignoring the existence of men at every turn. I only ever speak to other women, heck I only make eye contact with other women. It certainly makes sharing a bed with my boyfriend awkward at times though, not going to lie. | |||
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"Eh things are always misinterpreted through text, I was really talking about web based things like this although this seems a lot more genuine. Compare profiles of men and women on here for example, the men's ones are generally laid back and welcoming, the women's are either a default single sentence or a bullet point listed leave me alone unless you're literal perfection reading like a job listing, this is just what I've noticed and if it's how it works on here then so be it. Also you say you object to being viewed as a sexual object, but you're on a site like this with a pic of you in a sexually explicit position to attract attention?, sorry if i don't get it." It might help to use Reply+Quote if you want to address a particular reply | |||
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" Off topic. Not in the slightest. The OP himself stated he was shy in the very first post. The fact is that if you struggle to make conversation in the real world it'll be twice as hard on here. Fab is a tough crowd that has no obligation to respond at all, let alone in a gentle, patient manner. If you can't make a good first impression you've generally missed the boat. A Thank you x" But! The point of the post was missed. The difference is that on a forum someone can ask for help and advice which the OP did. Your premise may be correct - but it misses the point of the OP and adds no value to the request for advice. The question was not “should I feel entitled when I can’t make conversation. It was an admission and request for advice. So why kick someone who’s “down”? | |||
"Eh things are always misinterpreted through text, I was really talking about web based things like this although this seems a lot more genuine. Compare profiles of men and women on here for example, the men's ones are generally laid back and welcoming, the women's are either a default single sentence or a bullet point listed leave me alone unless you're literal perfection reading like a job listing, this is just what I've noticed and if it's how it works on here then so be it. Also you say you object to being viewed as a sexual object, but you're on a site like this with a pic of you in a sexually explicit position to attract attention?, sorry if i don't get it." "I see women on here as sexual objects, why won't they talk to me!?" Please tell me I've got this wrong? | |||
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"Eh things are always misinterpreted through text, I was really talking about web based things like this although this seems a lot more genuine. Compare profiles of men and women on here for example, the men's ones are generally laid back and welcoming, the women's are either a default single sentence or a bullet point listed leave me alone unless you're literal perfection reading like a job listing, this is just what I've noticed and if it's how it works on here then so be it. Also you say you object to being viewed as a sexual object, but you're on a site like this with a pic of you in a sexually explicit position to attract attention?, sorry if i don't get it. "I see women on here as sexual objects, why won't they talk to me!?" Please tell me I've got this wrong? "Every man and every woman sees each other as a sexual object this isn't a reflection or opinion of me or you it's human nature and this site is no different, or were your parents into hypergamy rather than being physically attracted to each other. On a separate note essentially the UK is a failed empire with a rigid class system and dopamine obsessed society as a coping mechanism for collapsing faster than rome, but what the hells the point going into this it's a swingers site. This is actually a difficult site for someone to join and prosper on especially men and maybe the OP and me shouldn't be on it, he wanted advice and my poundland advice is check in now and again take the whole thing with an iota of salt and get a dog. | |||
"Eh things are always misinterpreted through text, I was really talking about web based things like this although this seems a lot more genuine. Compare profiles of men and women on here for example, the men's ones are generally laid back and welcoming, the women's are either a default single sentence or a bullet point listed leave me alone unless you're literal perfection reading like a job listing, this is just what I've noticed and if it's how it works on here then so be it. Also you say you object to being viewed as a sexual object, but you're on a site like this with a pic of you in a sexually explicit position to attract attention?, sorry if i don't get it. "I see women on here as sexual objects, why won't they talk to me!?" Please tell me I've got this wrong?
Every man and every woman sees each other as a sexual object this isn't a reflection or opinion of me or you it's human nature and this site is no different, or were your parents into hypergamy rather than being physically attracted to each other.
On a separate note essentially the UK is a failed empire with a rigid class system and dopamine obsessed society as a coping mechanism for collapsing faster than rome, but what the hells the point going into this it's a swingers site.
This is actually a difficult site for someone to join and prosper on especially men and maybe the OP and me shouldn't be on it, he wanted advice and my poundland advice is check in now and again take the whole thing with an iota of salt and get a dog."If you think being attracted to someone means seeing them as an object rather than a human being then I'm very sorry for you. My parents 100% saw each other as people. | |||
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"Some good advice , and a lot of do this and that on there. You may be introvert, and a lot of people our. Just because Xxx can talk loudly, stand in a certain way that they are better than you. A lot of people want attention and are only interested in themselves/talk about things regarding themselves. A skill a lot of people seem to lack is the art of listening. Not just waiting for someone to finish to talk, but showing an interest in the other person and responding based on what they have said. Be yourself and someone will like your personality for you. So called extroverts probably won't, however who cares, the right person will be which is all that matters. "But if their isn't some kind of attraction makes no difference if they have skills but need to listen as in not interested as well | |||
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"When I was younger I was given a great bit of advice about talking to a lass I liked. Like you I was shy, would say stupid things that’d make no sense. I would get myself into a right old cafuffle. What he said to me was “Listen boy, when you like a girl and want to “chat her” up but you’re all nervous and don’t want to make an idiot of yourself just remember, she’ll grunt just the same as you when she has a big shit. They’re only human.” Since then I’ve never looked back! I’m no longer nervous, and so much more confident when talking to women. The only problem I get is they don’t like being asked if they grunt when having a big poo. " I was always told to treat a whore like a queen and a queen like a whore. | |||
"How do you talk to your friends and colleagues? Are none of them women? How about family members, sisters, aunts, mother's etc. There's no secret to talking to women, we're the same species as you, there's no mystery to us we have similar hopes, fears, dreams.
Yes, I get that. And actually I have no female friends and no family so, yeah, I would not have had the practice! Very few female colleagues either as it happens. "Please tell me your adopted and worked for nuts or loaded otherwise with all the shy me shy that stuff i have to ask , what happened to them all? Where did they all go? And should anyone use the feedback form and along with asking for more filters and a proper app ask the owners to do a background check. | |||
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"Why talk? A picture speaks a thousand words. I send pictures of coffee. Jokes. Dick, I send dick." this is the way | |||
"When I was younger I was given a great bit of advice about talking to a lass I liked. Like you I was shy, would say stupid things that’d make no sense. I would get myself into a right old cafuffle. What he said to me was “Listen boy, when you like a girl and want to “chat her” up but you’re all nervous and don’t want to make an idiot of yourself just remember, she’ll grunt just the same as you when she has a big shit. They’re only human.” Since then I’ve never looked back! I’m no longer nervous, and so much more confident when talking to women. The only problem I get is they don’t like being asked if they grunt when having a big poo. I was always told to treat a whore like a queen and a queen like a whore. " Are those all women can be in your world view? Whores or queens?  | |||
"How do you talk to your friends and colleagues? Are none of them women? How about family members, sisters, aunts, mother's etc. There's no secret to talking to women, we're the same species as you, there's no mystery to us we have similar hopes, fears, dreams.
Yes, I get that. And actually I have no female friends and no family so, yeah, I would not have had the practice! Very few female colleagues either as it happens.
Please tell me your adopted and worked for nuts or loaded otherwise with all the shy me shy that stuff i have to ask , what happened to them all? Where did they all go? And should anyone use the feedback form and along with asking for more filters and a proper app ask the owners to do a background check."This actually made me laugh out loud! If it makes you feel better I have one sister and one cousin. The rest of my (small) family are dead. And no not loaded or adopted.  | |||
"Plenty waffle above but I think being shy is selfish. People assume I’m shy but I’m just a day dreamer" That's quite dismissive of some really helpful advice from people answering the OP's question. Why is being shy selfish? I'm not shy but I certainly don't judge shy people as being selfish. | |||
"Eh things are always misinterpreted through text, I was really talking about web based things like this although this seems a lot more genuine. Compare profiles of men and women on here for example, the men's ones are generally laid back and welcoming, the women's are either a default single sentence or a bullet point listed leave me alone unless you're literal perfection reading like a job listing, this is just what I've noticed and if it's how it works on here then so be it. Also you say you object to being viewed as a sexual object, but you're on a site like this with a pic of you in a sexually explicit position to attract attention?, sorry if i don't get it. "I see women on here as sexual objects, why won't they talk to me!?" Please tell me I've got this wrong?
Every man and every woman sees each other as a sexual object this isn't a reflection or opinion of me or you it's human nature and this site is no different, or were your parents into hypergamy rather than being physically attracted to each other.
On a separate note essentially the UK is a failed empire with a rigid class system and dopamine obsessed society as a coping mechanism for collapsing faster than rome, but what the hells the point going into this it's a swingers site.
This is actually a difficult site for someone to join and prosper on especially men and maybe the OP and me shouldn't be on it, he wanted advice and my poundland advice is check in now and again take the whole thing with an iota of salt and get a dog.
If you think being attracted to someone means seeing them as an object rather than a human being then I'm very sorry for you. My parents 100% saw each other as people. " | |||
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"Wow, some truly bizarre responses and tangents, but it’s the internet so comes with the territory. I wasn’t actually looking for ‘advice’ per se; certainly not to be a success on here. I was just curious about a certain phrase that got bandied around. Btw all of this will be reported to Sydney University for their never ending research "Maybe the thread would have gone more how you wanted had you need clearer about what it was you were trying to achieve. “so I, and maybe others too, would perhaps benefit from getting an idea from the good ladies of Fab. Is it a general crass attitude/lack of social skills, or is it something more specific like a lack of charm or a disarming quality/nature?” Certainly looked like an attempt to solicit advice or other words of wisdom | |||
"Wow, some truly bizarre responses and tangents, but it’s the internet so comes with the territory. I wasn’t actually looking for ‘advice’ per se; certainly not to be a success on here. I was just curious about a certain phrase that got bandied around. Btw all of this will be reported to Sydney University for their never ending research
Maybe the thread would have gone more how you wanted had you need clearer about what it was you were trying to achieve.
“so I, and maybe others too, would perhaps benefit from getting an idea from the good ladies of Fab.
Is it a general crass attitude/lack of social skills, or is it something more specific like a lack of charm or a disarming quality/nature?”
Certainly looked like an attempt to solicit advice or other words of wisdom "This | |||
"When I was younger I was given a great bit of advice about talking to a lass I liked. Like you I was shy, would say stupid things that’d make no sense. I would get myself into a right old cafuffle. What he said to me was “Listen boy, when you like a girl and want to “chat her” up but you’re all nervous and don’t want to make an idiot of yourself just remember, she’ll grunt just the same as you when she has a big shit. They’re only human.” Since then I’ve never looked back! I’m no longer nervous, and so much more confident when talking to women. The only problem I get is they don’t like being asked if they grunt when having a big poo. I was always told to treat a whore like a queen and a queen like a whore. Are those all women can be in your world view? Whores or queens? "Could go either way as i cant remember if the women that told me it was a queen or a whore.....or both. Whatever, its served me well | |||
"When I was younger I was given a great bit of advice about talking to a lass I liked. Like you I was shy, would say stupid things that’d make no sense. I would get myself into a right old cafuffle. What he said to me was “Listen boy, when you like a girl and want to “chat her” up but you’re all nervous and don’t want to make an idiot of yourself just remember, she’ll grunt just the same as you when she has a big shit. They’re only human.” Since then I’ve never looked back! I’m no longer nervous, and so much more confident when talking to women. The only problem I get is they don’t like being asked if they grunt when having a big poo. I was always told to treat a whore like a queen and a queen like a whore. Are those all women can be in your world view? Whores or queens?
Could go either way as i cant remember if the women that told me it was a queen or a whore.....or both. Whatever, its served me well"Best of luck here thinking that about women... | |||
" Off topic. Not in the slightest. The OP himself stated he was shy in the very first post. The fact is that if you struggle to make conversation in the real world it'll be twice as hard on here. Fab is a tough crowd that has no obligation to respond at all, let alone in a gentle, patient manner. If you can't make a good first impression you've generally missed the boat. A Thank you x But! The point of the post was missed. The difference is that on a forum someone can ask for help and advice which the OP did. Your premise may be correct - but it misses the point of the OP and adds no value to the request for advice. The question was not “should I feel entitled when I can’t make conversation. It was an admission and request for advice. So why kick someone who’s “down”? " The OP states himself that he was not looking for advice. So no one is kicking him when he’s down. He was questioning something he read frequently on the forums and people were giving their opinions. As you do on a forum. | |||
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"When I was younger I was given a great bit of advice about talking to a lass I liked. Like you I was shy, would say stupid things that’d make no sense. I would get myself into a right old cafuffle. What he said to me was “Listen boy, when you like a girl and want to “chat her” up but you’re all nervous and don’t want to make an idiot of yourself just remember, she’ll grunt just the same as you when she has a big shit. They’re only human.” Since then I’ve never looked back! I’m no longer nervous, and so much more confident when talking to women. The only problem I get is they don’t like being asked if they grunt when having a big poo. I was always told to treat a whore like a queen and a queen like a whore. Are those all women can be in your world view? Whores or queens?
Could go either way as i cant remember if the women that told me it was a queen or a whore.....or both. Whatever, its served me well
Best of luck here thinking that about women..."Didn't he just say it was a woman who told him that | |||
"When I was younger I was given a great bit of advice about talking to a lass I liked. Like you I was shy, would say stupid things that’d make no sense. I would get myself into a right old cafuffle. What he said to me was “Listen boy, when you like a girl and want to “chat her” up but you’re all nervous and don’t want to make an idiot of yourself just remember, she’ll grunt just the same as you when she has a big shit. They’re only human.” Since then I’ve never looked back! I’m no longer nervous, and so much more confident when talking to women. The only problem I get is they don’t like being asked if they grunt when having a big poo. I was always told to treat a whore like a queen and a queen like a whore. Are those all women can be in your world view? Whores or queens?
Could go either way as i cant remember if the women that told me it was a queen or a whore.....or both. Whatever, its served me well
Best of luck here thinking that about women...
Didn't he just say it was a woman who told him that "He can't remember. My point stands. If men see women as either sexual objects (whores) or queens (unapproachable, on a pedestal) that's pretty screwed up. IMO. | |||
" Off topic. Not in the slightest. The OP himself stated he was shy in the very first post. The fact is that if you struggle to make conversation in the real world it'll be twice as hard on here. Fab is a tough crowd that has no obligation to respond at all, let alone in a gentle, patient manner. If you can't make a good first impression you've generally missed the boat. A Thank you x But! The point of the post was missed. The difference is that on a forum someone can ask for help and advice which the OP did. Your premise may be correct - but it misses the point of the OP and adds no value to the request for advice. The question was not “should I feel entitled when I can’t make conversation. It was an admission and request for advice. So why kick someone who’s “down”? The OP states himself that he was not looking for advice. So no one is kicking him when he’s down. He was questioning something he read frequently on the forums and people were giving their opinions. As you do on a forum." Well despite the written evidence to the contrary seems you were correct in deciphering the cryptic meaning of the OP. World keeps turning. | |||
" Well despite the written evidence to the contrary seems you were correct in deciphering the cryptic meaning of the OP. World keeps turning. "Tbh I’m still not altogether sure I was. Indeed a cryptic thread! Viv | |||
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"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this isn't a gendered thing. I've encountered plenty of one word answers from women here and other places. None of them could carry a conversation. The ones that do make me laugh however are the ones that complain about one word answers and that's all they ever give themselves." Yep | |||
"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this isn't a gendered thing. I've encountered plenty of one word answers from women here and other places. None of them could carry a conversation. The ones that do make me laugh however are the ones that complain about one word answers and that's all they ever give themselves. Yep" | |||
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"Eh things are always misinterpreted through text, I was really talking about web based things like this although this seems a lot more genuine. Compare profiles of men and women on here for example, the men's ones are generally laid back and welcoming, the women's are either a default single sentence or a bullet point listed leave me alone unless you're literal perfection reading like a job listing, this is just what I've noticed and if it's how it works on here then so be it. Also you say you object to being viewed as a sexual object, but you're on a site like this with a pic of you in a sexually explicit position to attract attention?, sorry if i don't get it. "I see women on here as sexual objects, why won't they talk to me!?" Please tell me I've got this wrong?
Every man and every woman sees each other as a sexual object this isn't a reflection or opinion of me or you it's human nature and this site is no different, or were your parents into hypergamy rather than being physically attracted to each other.
On a separate note essentially the UK is a failed empire with a rigid class system and dopamine obsessed society as a coping mechanism for collapsing faster than rome, but what the hells the point going into this it's a swingers site.
This is actually a difficult site for someone to join and prosper on especially men and maybe the OP and me shouldn't be on it, he wanted advice and my poundland advice is check in now and again take the whole thing with an iota of salt and get a dog.
If you think being attracted to someone means seeing them as an object rather than a human being then I'm very sorry for you. My parents 100% saw each other as people. "People fancy each other through attraction foremost then the get to know them part settles it that's exactly what I meant and it's the truth is it not, but whatever going round in circles with this interpret it however you want. Why I went off on a rant about this country, it just has a groupthink mentality and everybody expresses their individuality through mass conformity because they don't want to be the awkward one who points out maybe the obvious truth, just look at covid. Why I'm typing all this on this place I don't know but OP got me thinking and his question resonates with a lot of men (including me) who find it difficult in this redefined modern world. | |||
"Eh things are always misinterpreted through text, I was really talking about web based things like this although this seems a lot more genuine. Compare profiles of men and women on here for example, the men's ones are generally laid back and welcoming, the women's are either a default single sentence or a bullet point listed leave me alone unless you're literal perfection reading like a job listing, this is just what I've noticed and if it's how it works on here then so be it. Also you say you object to being viewed as a sexual object, but you're on a site like this with a pic of you in a sexually explicit position to attract attention?, sorry if i don't get it. "I see women on here as sexual objects, why won't they talk to me!?" Please tell me I've got this wrong?
Every man and every woman sees each other as a sexual object this isn't a reflection or opinion of me or you it's human nature and this site is no different, or were your parents into hypergamy rather than being physically attracted to each other.
On a separate note essentially the UK is a failed empire with a rigid class system and dopamine obsessed society as a coping mechanism for collapsing faster than rome, but what the hells the point going into this it's a swingers site.
This is actually a difficult site for someone to join and prosper on especially men and maybe the OP and me shouldn't be on it, he wanted advice and my poundland advice is check in now and again take the whole thing with an iota of salt and get a dog.
If you think being attracted to someone means seeing them as an object rather than a human being then I'm very sorry for you. My parents 100% saw each other as people.
People fancy each other through attraction foremost then the get to know them part settles it that's exactly what I meant and it's the truth is it not, but whatever going round in circles with this interpret it however you want.
Why I went off on a rant about this country, it just has a groupthink mentality and everybody expresses their individuality through mass conformity because they don't want to be the awkward one who points out maybe the obvious truth, just look at covid.
Why I'm typing all this on this place I don't know but OP got me thinking and his question resonates with a lot of men (including me) who find it difficult in this redefined modern world."That's not what you said. "Every man and every woman sees each other as a sexual object this isn't a reflection or opinion of me or you it's human nature" is what you said. | |||
"When I was younger I was given a great bit of advice about talking to a lass I liked. Like you I was shy, would say stupid things that’d make no sense. I would get myself into a right old cafuffle. What he said to me was “Listen boy, when you like a girl and want to “chat her” up but you’re all nervous and don’t want to make an idiot of yourself just remember, she’ll grunt just the same as you when she has a big shit. They’re only human.” Since then I’ve never looked back! I’m no longer nervous, and so much more confident when talking to women. The only problem I get is they don’t like being asked if they grunt when having a big poo. I was always told to treat a whore like a queen and a queen like a whore. Are those all women can be in your world view? Whores or queens?
Could go either way as i cant remember if the women that told me it was a queen or a whore.....or both. Whatever, its served me well
Best of luck here thinking that about women...
Didn't he just say it was a woman who told him that
He can't remember. My point stands. If men see women as either sexual objects (whores) or queens (unapproachable, on a pedestal) that's pretty screwed up. IMO. "Of course it's screwed up, if men thought that, hard to actually find one and rarer on here that admits to it | |||
"How do you talk to your friends and colleagues? Are none of them women? How about family members, sisters, aunts, mother's etc. There's no secret to talking to women, we're the same species as you, there's no mystery to us we have similar hopes, fears, dreams.
A little, top trumped me on
Yes, I get that. And actually I have no female friends and no family so, yeah, I would not have had the practice! Very few female colleagues either as it happens.
Please tell me your adopted and worked for nuts or loaded otherwise with all the shy me shy that stuff i have to ask , what happened to them all? Where did they all go? And should anyone use the feedback form and along with asking for more filters and a proper app ask the owners to do a background check.
This actually made me laugh out loud!
If it makes you feel better I have one sister and one cousin. The rest of my (small) family are dead. And no not loaded or adopted.
"A little yes thanks. Toptrumped me though overall. 1 sister alive, a niece and nephew I went ahead but both parents not dead though killed me | |||
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"Eh things are always misinterpreted through text, I was really talking about web based things like this although this seems a lot more genuine. Compare profiles of men and women on here for example, the men's ones are generally laid back and welcoming, the women's are either a default single sentence or a bullet point listed leave me alone unless you're literal perfection reading like a job listing, this is just what I've noticed and if it's how it works on here then so be it. Also you say you object to being viewed as a sexual object, but you're on a site like this with a pic of you in a sexually explicit position to attract attention?, sorry if i don't get it. "I see women on here as sexual objects, why won't they talk to me!?" Please tell me I've got this wrong?
Every man and every woman sees each other as a sexual object this isn't a reflection or opinion of me or you it's human nature and this site is no different, or were your parents into hypergamy rather than being physically attracted to each other.
On a separate note essentially the UK is a failed empire with a rigid class system and dopamine obsessed society as a coping mechanism for collapsing faster than rome, but what the hells the point going into this it's a swingers site.
This is actually a difficult site for someone to join and prosper on especially men and maybe the OP and me shouldn't be on it, he wanted advice and my poundland advice is check in now and again take the whole thing with an iota of salt and get a dog.
If you think being attracted to someone means seeing them as an object rather than a human being then I'm very sorry for you. My parents 100% saw each other as people.
People fancy each other through attraction foremost then the get to know them part settles it that's exactly what I meant and it's the truth is it not, but whatever going round in circles with this interpret it however you want.
Why I went off on a rant about this country, it just has a groupthink mentality and everybody expresses their individuality through mass conformity because they don't want to be the awkward one who points out maybe the obvious truth, just look at covid.
Why I'm typing all this on this place I don't know but OP got me thinking and his question resonates with a lot of men (including me) who find it difficult in this redefined modern world.
That's not what you said. "Every man and every woman sees each other as a sexual object this isn't a reflection or opinion of me or you it's human nature" is what you said. "Yeah I did fair enough I meant in the law of attraction it has to start physically right, obviously didn't word it entirely the right way, good example of OP point of how difficult it can be talking to people nowadays. | |||
"Wow, some truly bizarre responses and tangents, but it’s the internet so comes with the territory. I wasn’t actually looking for ‘advice’ per se; certainly not to be a success on here. I was just curious about a certain phrase that got bandied around. Btw all of this will be reported to Sydney University for their never ending research "Didn't want to give out any patronising advice if so was having a rant because this country ****** me off. Nearly all my relatives and other people I know live abroad and they plainly say despite adjustment issues and in no way a utopia in any way people and culture are simple, warm and captivating in a way it really isn't generally now in the west. Let's face it culture in this country consists of tv, work and shopping and everything is increasingly more difficult, expensive or forbidden, there is an unrelenting air of division and distrust perhaps surpassing the cold war and were about to enter weimar republic like conditions which some european countries are already in. That's not even mentioning the mostly dreary weather, work/life balance, ongoing lockdown impact, busyness, terrible service, mind numbing pandering/virtue signaling, social media orientated, signage everywhere, modern (mostly) awful architecture, it's just simply tedious and uninspiring and conversations typically revolve around topics like the weather football or manipulating someone to get what you want. I've found it easier talking to foreign women because they come from different cultures and we've both found each other exotic and they genuinely find you interesting that comes out of curiosity. Mentioned a dog because women (and most people?) love dogs shows you care about something and gives a topic of discussion (a lot easier being around than women too uh oh I'm in trouble now ) | |||
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" People fancy each other through attraction foremost then the get to know them part settles it that's exactly what I meant and it's the truth is it not, but whatever going round in circles with this interpret it however you want. Why I went off on a rant about this country, it just has a groupthink mentality and everybody expresses their individuality through mass conformity because they don't want to be the awkward one who points out maybe the obvious truth, just look at covid. Why I'm typing all this on this place I don't know but OP got me thinking and his question resonates with a lot of men (including me) who find it difficult in this redefined modern world. That's not what you said. "Every man and every woman sees each other as a sexual object this isn't a reflection or opinion of me or you it's human nature" is what you said. Yeah I did fair enough I meant in the law of attraction it has to start physically right, obviously didn't word it entirely the right way, good example of OP point of how difficult it can be talking to people nowadays." I imagine for most people on this site, it does start with a physical attraction. Not always though. I've been very attracted to men before I've seen their face. | |||
