"I was in my local Tesco yesterday getting ingredients for a Risotto. I was very impressed by the choice of so many different mushrooms.
Excellent in fact. Poor selection of celery though."
celery
To the ancient Greeks it was associated with the cult of death. Augustine of Hippo referred to it as the Devil's Fingers. Matthew Hopkins, the 17thc. Witchfinder General, regarded possession of it as proof positive of being in communion with the Diabolical One.
All of which may seem fanciful to us now. But surely no benign and loving God would have created such a monstrosity?
Ask yourself this: have you ever bought celery with anything other than a heavy heart? You may well be whistling a merry tune as you skip gaily down the supermarket aisle towards the aubergines, courgettes, broccoli and tomatoes; but a quick glance at your shopping list and there it is - celery. Standing before the vile things you're racked with indecision. A whole head or a pack of prepared sticks? There's less of it in the pack, but the whole head is cheaper. Your morning is ruined.
The reason for all this torment is fiendishly simple and has nothing to do with the taste: celery is not fit for purpose. There's too fucking much of it. Almost any other vegetable or fruit is just the size it should be. A large potato is of exactly the right dimensions that you want for a baked potato. A banana has just the right amount of flesh that you want to consume in one go. Other vegetables and fruit are conveniently small enough to make up whatever quantity you need at the time. One of the few exceptions to this is pumpkin and when is that mainly used? HALLOWEEN. Oh yes. If God had created celery, it would only have two stalks, because that's the most that almost any recipe ever calls for.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in my local Tesco yesterday getting ingredients for a Risotto. I was very impressed by the choice of so many different mushrooms.
Excellent in fact. Poor selection of celery though.
celery
To the ancient Greeks it was associated with the cult of death. Augustine of Hippo referred to it as the Devil's Fingers. Matthew Hopkins, the 17thc. Witchfinder General, regarded possession of it as proof positive of being in communion with the Diabolical One.
All of which may seem fanciful to us now. But surely no benign and loving God would have created such a monstrosity?
Ask yourself this: have you ever bought celery with anything other than a heavy heart? You may well be whistling a merry tune as you skip gaily down the supermarket aisle towards the aubergines, courgettes, broccoli and tomatoes; but a quick glance at your shopping list and there it is - celery. Standing before the vile things you're racked with indecision. A whole head or a pack of prepared sticks? There's less of it in the pack, but the whole head is cheaper. Your morning is ruined.
The reason for all this torment is fiendishly simple and has nothing to do with the taste: celery is not fit for purpose. There's too fucking much of it. Almost any other vegetable or fruit is just the size it should be. A large potato is of exactly the right dimensions that you want for a baked potato. A banana has just the right amount of flesh that you want to consume in one go. Other vegetables and fruit are conveniently small enough to make up whatever quantity you need at the time. One of the few exceptions to this is pumpkin and when is that mainly used? HALLOWEEN. Oh yes. If God had created celery, it would only have two stalks, because that's the most that almost any recipe ever calls for.
"
If there is an award for contributions to the forums this gets it.  |
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"I find the selection of aubergines very disappointing...
If you've seen 1, have you seen them all? Who knows"
Food for thought (pun intended)
I will check them out at Tesco and report my findings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was in my local Tesco yesterday getting ingredients for a Risotto. I was very impressed by the choice of so many different mushrooms.
Excellent in fact. Poor selection of celery though.
celery
To the ancient Greeks it was associated with the cult of death. Augustine of Hippo referred to it as the Devil's Fingers. Matthew Hopkins, the 17thc. Witchfinder General, regarded possession of it as proof positive of being in communion with the Diabolical One.
All of which may seem fanciful to us now. But surely no benign and loving God would have created such a monstrosity?
Ask yourself this: have you ever bought celery with anything other than a heavy heart? You may well be whistling a merry tune as you skip gaily down the supermarket aisle towards the aubergines, courgettes, broccoli and tomatoes; but a quick glance at your shopping list and there it is - celery. Standing before the vile things you're racked with indecision. A whole head or a pack of prepared sticks? There's less of it in the pack, but the whole head is cheaper. Your morning is ruined.
The reason for all this torment is fiendishly simple and has nothing to do with the taste: celery is not fit for purpose. There's too fucking much of it. Almost any other vegetable or fruit is just the size it should be. A large potato is of exactly the right dimensions that you want for a baked potato. A banana has just the right amount of flesh that you want to consume in one go. Other vegetables and fruit are conveniently small enough to make up whatever quantity you need at the time. One of the few exceptions to this is pumpkin and when is that mainly used? HALLOWEEN. Oh yes. If God had created celery, it would only have two stalks, because that's the most that almost any recipe ever calls for.
"
Can't make a good tomato sauce for pasta without it  |
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"I was in my local Tesco yesterday getting ingredients for a Risotto. I was very impressed by the choice of so many different mushrooms.
Excellent in fact. Poor selection of celery though.
celery
To the ancient Greeks it was associated with the cult of death. Augustine of Hippo referred to it as the Devil's Fingers. Matthew Hopkins, the 17thc. Witchfinder General, regarded possession of it as proof positive of being in communion with the Diabolical One.
All of which may seem fanciful to us now. But surely no benign and loving God would have created such a monstrosity?
Ask yourself this: have you ever bought celery with anything other than a heavy heart? You may well be whistling a merry tune as you skip gaily down the supermarket aisle towards the aubergines, courgettes, broccoli and tomatoes; but a quick glance at your shopping list and there it is - celery. Standing before the vile things you're racked with indecision. A whole head or a pack of prepared sticks? There's less of it in the pack, but the whole head is cheaper. Your morning is ruined.
The reason for all this torment is fiendishly simple and has nothing to do with the taste: celery is not fit for purpose. There's too fucking much of it. Almost any other vegetable or fruit is just the size it should be. A large potato is of exactly the right dimensions that you want for a baked potato. A banana has just the right amount of flesh that you want to consume in one go. Other vegetables and fruit are conveniently small enough to make up whatever quantity you need at the time. One of the few exceptions to this is pumpkin and when is that mainly used? HALLOWEEN. Oh yes. If God had created celery, it would only have two stalks, because that's the most that almost any recipe ever calls for.
"
Celery is awful stuff. Unless chopped into tiny tiny pieces, it ends up like stringy snot.
The best way to prepare celery is to remove the leaves, scorch it over an open flame, and then throw it in the bin. The scorching process exorcises demons |
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"I was in my local Tesco yesterday getting ingredients for a Risotto. I was very impressed by the choice of so many different mushrooms.
Excellent in fact. Poor selection of celery though.
celery
To the ancient Greeks it was associated with the cult of death. Augustine of Hippo referred to it as the Devil's Fingers. Matthew Hopkins, the 17thc. Witchfinder General, regarded possession of it as proof positive of being in communion with the Diabolical One.
All of which may seem fanciful to us now. But surely no benign and loving God would have created such a monstrosity?
Ask yourself this: have you ever bought celery with anything other than a heavy heart? You may well be whistling a merry tune as you skip gaily down the supermarket aisle towards the aubergines, courgettes, broccoli and tomatoes; but a quick glance at your shopping list and there it is - celery. Standing before the vile things you're racked with indecision. A whole head or a pack of prepared sticks? There's less of it in the pack, but the whole head is cheaper. Your morning is ruined.
The reason for all this torment is fiendishly simple and has nothing to do with the taste: celery is not fit for purpose. There's too fucking much of it. Almost any other vegetable or fruit is just the size it should be. A large potato is of exactly the right dimensions that you want for a baked potato. A banana has just the right amount of flesh that you want to consume in one go. Other vegetables and fruit are conveniently small enough to make up whatever quantity you need at the time. One of the few exceptions to this is pumpkin and when is that mainly used? HALLOWEEN. Oh yes. If God had created celery, it would only have two stalks, because that's the most that almost any recipe ever calls for.
"
You're not a fan of it then I take it.
I agree with most of this ( perhaps associating it with devil worship is too much ? , maybe , maybe not )
It's the bloody taste i hate . |
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