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Questions, Questions, Questions
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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago
outskirts |
Last weekend I went to meet a guy i've recently been seeing. We have met on and off since before Christmas. Just for sex. Last weekend he invited me over for dinner and movie. All went well, as the evening went on and we were on his bed watching a film he leant over and we started making out. We remive most of our clothes. Within about ten minutes he said "I'm sorry, I can't get it up"
I said that it didn't matter and it was fine. Not to worry about it. I went to the bathroom as i needed a wee, but thought also it would give him a couple of minutes to potentially sort himself out. Get his head straight.
When I got back he had put his underwear back on. We kissed a little more and he cuddled into me and then went to sleep. The following morning I made a hood effort abd acted like nothing had happened the night before.
When I got home the next day I text him and thanked him for the meal he cooked, he apologised for what happened, I said it didn't matter and that I would like to see him again. He didn't reply so I left it till the next day and sent another message. Still no reply from him. We would usually send a couple of messages every day so this is unusual for him.
I guess I'm wondering did I do something wrong? Does he not find me attractive? Should I leave it and see if he replies, or send him another message?
Can't tell if he's not interested or just embarrassed.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s likely that he’s just mortified by it all, and highly embarrassed, but you did all the right things and he probably just needs time because you can be sure he’s probably more scared about it happening again (and again) than worried about is happening once.
Or, and harsh as it seems (but you did bring it up), he might just not have been feeling it, and may not really be interested any more. I know that the only time I had a similar thing, it was when I really didn’t want to be there any more (and surely enough I never was again, and it never happened again) |
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"Ask him."
This, it's good to talk .. really ... when he's ready to of course
There can be many reasons why these things happen to men .. things going on in life etc ... don't over think it ... just ... be there as you have been ... don't act as if something has changed ... if that makes sense |
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It's a bit of a head fuck. Could be many reasons. Unless you can read minds you'll never know unless you can get him to open up (even if the reason is something you may not like). Of course you can't make him open up and as by the sounds of it because it's to some extent a casual relationship he may not feel like you have that level closeness (no offence, I dont know how close or compatmentalised you both are). But if it's a good enough thing you have going to try saving, my only advise would be (if he does ever reply) to create an environment/opportunity for open disclosure. Not a guaranteed you'll get that or truth, granted But I think a better option for long term results than sweeping it under carpet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Last weekend I went to meet a guy i've recently been seeing. We have met on and off since before Christmas. Just for sex. Last weekend he invited me over for dinner and movie. All went well, as the evening went on and we were on his bed watching a film he leant over and we started making out. We remive most of our clothes. Within about ten minutes he said "I'm sorry, I can't get it up"
I said that it didn't matter and it was fine. Not to worry about it. I went to the bathroom as i needed a wee, but thought also it would give him a couple of minutes to potentially sort himself out. Get his head straight.
When I got back he had put his underwear back on. We kissed a little more and he cuddled into me and then went to sleep. The following morning I made a hood effort abd acted like nothing had happened the night before.
When I got home the next day I text him and thanked him for the meal he cooked, he apologised for what happened, I said it didn't matter and that I would like to see him again. He didn't reply so I left it till the next day and sent another message. Still no reply from him. We would usually send a couple of messages every day so this is unusual for him.
I guess I'm wondering did I do something wrong? Does he not find me attractive? Should I leave it and see if he replies, or send him another message?
Can't tell if he's not interested or just embarrassed.
"
speaking as a man. Im guessing his confidence was knocked, and thought you would be disappointed. And he probably doesn't want it happening again, his ego might be getting in the way of messaging you |
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"He needs a friend, if the lady would mail me then we could discuss making him jealous."
That's an awful idea.
Poor fella is probably feeling quite low already due to lack of performance and suggesting that you and the lady attempt to "make him jealous" is completely appalling. |
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He's embarrassed. He needs to understand that it happens to most of us at some point.
It really isn't a big deal and the more he worries about it the more pressure he'll put himself under next time. |
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He's embarrassed. He needs to understand that it happens to most of us at some point.
It really isn't a big deal and the more he worries about it the more pressure he'll put himself under next time. |
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Embarrassed, and it will get worse if he doesn’t deal with it.
Men’s heads are annoyingly fragile for all sorts of reasons, and he needs to overcome this with your understanding and lack of pressure (for which I applaud you)
When you two are relaxed, and just chilling, things will be ok and he’ll realise it’s just a blip.
Almost every man will understand it. There’s sometimes a strange moment in our heads which says ‘Oh shit, it’s not playing tonight!’, and that’s the end of play. It’s nothing to blame the lady for, and the less attention drawn to it the better… because it’ll sort out when the pressure is off. The blue pill won’t help matters, either, in these circumstances.
I hope this makes sense.
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"He's embarrassed. He needs to understand that it happens to most of us at some point.
It really isn't a big deal and the more he worries about it the more pressure he'll put himself under next time."
Yeah, you said it more succinctly  |
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There's something on his mind lovely, give him some time and support where you can as you already are  Just remember if this is something he cannot come back from, please don't over think it. Closure is not always attainable x |
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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago
outskirts |
"It’s likely that he’s just mortified by it all, and highly embarrassed, but you did all the right things and he probably just needs time because you can be sure he’s probably more scared about it happening again (and again) than worried about is happening once.
Or, and harsh as it seems (but you did bring it up), he might just not have been feeling it, and may not really be interested any more. I know that the only time I had a similar thing, it was when I really didn’t want to be there any more (and surely enough I never was again, and it never happened again)"
Thanks. Really helpful answer and some good points. |
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He's embarrassed.
I've had similar when playing at clubs or parties on a couple of occasions to the point that I will not play at club's or parties anymore.
It's gotten into my head now and no matter how horny and turned on I am my man servant will not respond.
I'd say leave him alone.
He knows your ok with it but honestly the more you go on the worse it will get for him.
Also he may be on medication that is causing it.
Looking at your pictures I'd say it's almost definitely not you. |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
He may have freaked a little by the change in MO. If it has previously just been sex and last time felt like a date his mind may have been spinning towards "what ifs" for the direction of your relationship. Especially if he isn't ready for that kind of step.
Hopefully you can begin communicating to resolve things |
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By *unnerbenMan
over a year ago
Dublin / Cork |
He had probably done the aul “there’s something about Mary” trick and fired off the gun before your arrived so as not to blow too quick and then couldn’t re load quick enough . I’d say just embarrised in all reality though and I’m sure he is into women and you or else wouldn’t of met numerous times |
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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago
outskirts |
"Ask him.
This, it's good to talk .. really ... when he's ready to of course
There can be many reasons why these things happen to men .. things going on in life etc ... don't over think it ... just ... be there as you have been ... don't act as if something has changed ... if that makes sense"
I'm open to talking about it as soon as he is ready too. I tried to act as normal after it happened and the following morning. Even in my text messages. I guess I should just wait and see if he replies. |
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"He may have freaked a little by the change in MO. If it has previously just been sex and last time felt like a date his mind may have been spinning towards "what ifs" for the direction of your relationship. Especially if he isn't ready for that kind of step.
Hopefully you can begin communicating to resolve things "
I think it’s got too “involved” for him. There’s a good chance he’ll make his excuses and disappear.
Or just disappear. |
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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago
outskirts |
"He's embarrassed.
I've had similar when playing at clubs or parties on a couple of occasions to the point that I will not play at club's or parties anymore.
It's gotten into my head now and no matter how horny and turned on I am my man servant will not respond.
I'd say leave him alone.
He knows your ok with it but honestly the more you go on the worse it will get for him.
Also he may be on medication that is causing it.
Looking at your pictures I'd say it's almost definitely not you."
Thanks |
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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago
outskirts |
"He may have freaked a little by the change in MO. If it has previously just been sex and last time felt like a date his mind may have been spinning towards "what ifs" for the direction of your relationship. Especially if he isn't ready for that kind of step.
Hopefully you can begin communicating to resolve things
I think it’s got too “involved” for him. There’s a good chance he’ll make his excuses and disappear.
Or just disappear. "
You could be right. He had invited me to stay over and that would be the first time I stayed so maybe it got a little to real for him. |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"He may have freaked a little by the change in MO. If it has previously just been sex and last time felt like a date his mind may have been spinning towards "what ifs" for the direction of your relationship. Especially if he isn't ready for that kind of step.
Hopefully you can begin communicating to resolve things
I think it’s got too “involved” for him. There’s a good chance he’ll make his excuses and disappear.
Or just disappear.
You could be right. He had invited me to stay over and that would be the first time I stayed so maybe it got a little to real for him."
If he gets back in touch it could be worth addressing. If you are happy with the "just sex" option then make that clear. If you liked the date thing too then say. Just making each other aware of where your comfort limits are is a good start.
Wish you well with this |
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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago
outskirts |
"It's a bit of a head fuck. Could be many reasons. Unless you can read minds you'll never know unless you can get him to open up (even if the reason is something you may not like). Of course you can't make him open up and as by the sounds of it because it's to some extent a casual relationship he may not feel like you have that level closeness (no offence, I dont know how close or compatmentalised you both are). But if it's a good enough thing you have going to try saving, my only advise would be (if he does ever reply) to create an environment/opportunity for open disclosure. Not a guaranteed you'll get that or truth, granted But I think a better option for long term results than sweeping it under carpet. "
Thanks. Some good advice  |
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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago
outskirts |
"He needs a friend, if the lady would mail me then we could discuss making him jealous.
That's an awful idea.
Poor fella is probably feeling quite low already due to lack of performance and suggesting that you and the lady attempt to "make him jealous" is completely appalling."
Have to agree. There's no way I could do that |
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It could be any number of reasons OP most of which have been mentioned above. However I will say this, a guy’s responsibility for getting an erection is his alone not yours. There are many reasons I guy may fail in that area but it is his responsibility to sort out not yours. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You say you only meet for sex with this guy, but then say you went over for dinner and a movie. Sry but that sounds more like dating, so I'm confused. More confused as if it's just sex and sex never took place why are you trying to establish why he never performed. Me thinks the plot has thickened and perhaps he doesn't want a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jumping in again , when I went through a very long cheating spell , many many years, I only had sex with someone for very short periods of time, then I got bored and used all sorts of excuses to end it , but never saying it, wife was onto us, not in the mood, changing jobs, blah de blah, he might just be married and it's time to bail, I know I done it various ways for years |
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"Hes likely embarrassed by it
That's what I am hoping "
So this guy has seen you before and I'm assuming you have had pretty amazing sex.
And now his real life brain is starting to take over from his Fab brain as he thinks, Wow, this could be a little bit more. So dinner, a movie, absolutely perfect......
But then he's trying so hard for everything to be perfect that the "other brain" fails!
Poor bloke went into that night dreaming of what could happen with a stunningly beautiful woman. Then his whole masterplan fell apart because he couldn't perform. He's mega embarrassed, really pissed off with himself and his pride and ego are crushed.
The more beautiful the woman, the more the desire to perform, the more pressure and the failure, so don't take it to heart and see what happens in time xx
And keep writing your amazing stories Fiona x |
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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago
outskirts |
"You say you only meet for sex with this guy, but then say you went over for dinner and a movie. Sry but that sounds more like dating, so I'm confused. More confused as if it's just sex and sex never took place why are you trying to establish why he never performed. Me thinks the plot has thickened and perhaps he doesn't want a relationship. "
Yah we both meet for sex when we can and both still see other people as agreed. That particular night was the first time I stayed and he was the one who invited me over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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100 percent he is ??, worst thing is to keep talking about it, if it was a one off, could have and probably has happened to most men be by drink,recreation drugs or steroids.
If it becomes a more frequent event then a chat to his gp ,but it's highly unlikely its you that's the issue. To be blunt ,men being men they get an errection seeing a hairy brush in a DIY shop.
But it will definitely matter, to him 100 percent
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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago
outskirts |
"Hes likely embarrassed by it
That's what I am hoping
So this guy has seen you before and I'm assuming you have had pretty amazing sex.
And now his real life brain is starting to take over from his Fab brain as he thinks, Wow, this could be a little bit more. So dinner, a movie, absolutely perfect......
But then he's trying so hard for everything to be perfect that the "other brain" fails!
Poor bloke went into that night dreaming of what could happen with a stunningly beautiful woman. Then his whole masterplan fell apart because he couldn't perform. He's mega embarrassed, really pissed off with himself and his pride and ego are crushed.
The more beautiful the woman, the more the desire to perform, the more pressure and the failure, so don't take it to heart and see what happens in time xx
And keep writing your amazing stories Fiona x"
Thanks  |
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