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Limerick (poetry)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

What's your favourite limerick (the 5 lined poem)?

As a kid I found this one the funniest, not sure why.

There was a young man from Leeds,

Who swallowed a packet of seeds,

In under an hour,

His dick was a flower,

And his balls were a packet of seeds.

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple over a year ago

Lincoln

Surely rhyming seeds with seeds is a huge cop out

Switch it out for "bundle of s" and I'm sold

LvM

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Surely rhyming seeds with seeds is a huge cop out

Switch it out for "bundle of s" and I'm sold

LvM"

Doh!!

The last line should've read

And his balls were a bunch of s.

I knew I messed up, just couldn't remember how it went. Sorry.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Oh, can't say that word on here. Can I delete this thread?

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple over a year ago

Lincoln

"Oh, can't say that word on here. Can I delete this thread?

I wonder... does that mean I can't type this word eihter: t

LvM

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

Mary had a little lamb,

It played beneath a pylon.

10,000 volts shut up its bum, and turned its wool to nylon.

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By *erverseintentionsMan over a year ago

Liverpool

Mary Mary quite contrary

How does your garden grow ?

I live in a flat you stupid twat

So how the fuck should I know ..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a young woman from Ealing

Got put in prison for stealing

She lay on her back

Opened her crack

And pissed all over the ceiling

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By *erverseintentionsMan over a year ago

Liverpool

Jack an Jill went up the hill

so jack could lick Jill's fanny

But jack ran away

Bcoz he wasn't gay

When he found out Jill was a tranny.

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By *orders CoupleCouple over a year ago

Kelso

There was a young lady from Morton

Who had a long tit and a short un

To make up for the loss

She had a great hairy doss

And farted like an eight fifty Norton

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

One chap from this island I know

Said Limerick was the town, I must go

But another, "Whitehouse"

And another, "Stay South!"

Fuck it Dublin - I’ll go with the flow

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By *erverseintentionsMan over a year ago

Liverpool

There once was a lad called Mikey

Who stole women's hearts like a pikey

His cock was long ...his arms were strong

And his t shirt was designed by Nike

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By *erverseintentionsMan over a year ago

Liverpool

There once was a lad on fabswingers

He kept coming out with bazingas

His poems were genius

He's got a glorious penis

And the kid is a wizard with his fingers.

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

"There once was a lad called Mikey

Who stole women's hearts like a pikey

His cock was long ...his arms were strong

And his t shirt was designed by Nike

Brilliant work...

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By *rAitchMan over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

In Grangemouth there's a refinery

A port, a canal and a winery

And to thrill you to bits

The girls have ten tits

That is if you count them in binary

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a young man from east Kent

Who’s Tirol was amazingly bent

To save time and trouble

He stuck it in double

And instead of cumming he went

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

There was a young sailor named Bates

Who danced the fandango on skates.

But a fall on his cutlass

Has rendered him nutless,

And practically useless on dates.

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By *rAitchMan over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

There once was a feller from Crewe

Who gave his big sister a screw

He said with aplomb

"You're better than mom"

Said she: "That's what dad told me, too"

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By *erverseintentionsMan over a year ago

Liverpool

There once was a girl where I train

She used to come sunshine or rain

I left it too late

Too ask for a date

Now I probably won't see her again

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb,

She took it to a wedding,

Tied it to a washing pole and kicked it’s little head in

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By *ife NinjaMan over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Mary had a little lamb,

She took it to a wedding,

Tied it to a washing pole and kicked it’s little head in

Mary was from Consett, I see

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Mary had a little lamb,

She took it to a wedding,

Tied it to a washing pole and kicked it’s little head in

Mary was from Consett, I see"

She’s a dick

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By *erry bull1Man over a year ago

doncaster

I knew a lass called Mary

Who’s fanny was big and hairy

I I fucked her standing fucked her bending also fucked her lying

But now she’s dead and forgotten

So I dug her up and fucked her rotten

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

Mary had a little sheep

And with that sheep she went to sleep

The sheep turned out to be a ram

Mary had a little lamb

Darn, that's only 4 lines

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By *erverseintentionsMan over a year ago

Liverpool

There once was a cunt on the Wirral

was home to a fat little squirrel

He stored all his seeds

In the place where she pees

Now the woman can nut when she piddles.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a young women from France

Who got on a bus in a trance,

6 passengers fucked her, as did the conductor,

And the driver shot twice in his pants.

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By *rAitchMan over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

There once was a woman from Bude

Who went for a swim in a lake

A bloke in a punt

Stuck his pole up her nose

And said "you can't swim here, it's private."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Here's mine...

I know a man called scotty.... who's went on holiday in lansaroti ... He was eating a bun in the sun.... and his bum went all potty!

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By *iaisonseekerMan over a year ago

Liverpool

Somtimes I will post in the forum

Mostly intending to bore 'em

But once in a while

I make someone smile

And invite them to explore my foreskin

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Somtimes I will post in the forum

Mostly intending to bore 'em

But once in a while

I make someone smile

And invite them to explore my foreskin

Ha ha ha ha!!

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By *erverseintentionsMan over a year ago

Liverpool

"There once was a woman from Bude

Who went for a swim in a lake

A bloke in a punt

Stuck his pole up her nose

And said "you can't swim here, it's private.""

creased me this one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There once was a forum on fab

Where you could have fun and a gab

But then came the crazies

Talk of men having babies

Tories, Brexit, and woes of the jab.

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By *erverseintentionsMan over a year ago

Liverpool

There once was a forum post rhyme

Where folks wrote jokes in a line

But what a pity, as Some were quite shitty

And none where as witty as mine

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

Tis due to pigeons

That alight

On nelsons hat

That makes it white

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a woman from Madrid,

Who swore she'd never be rid ,

Along came an Italian ,

With balls like a stallion ,

And rode her like Billy the kid.

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By *irtydevil666Man over a year ago

bristol

There once was a man from Devizes Whose balls were of differing sizes One was so small you couldn't see it at all The other so big it won prizes.

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By *irtydevil666Man over a year ago

bristol

There was a young lady from Brighton Who had an incredibly tight 'un "Heavens Above! It fits like a glove" "Oh! you ain't put it in the right 'un!

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By *rAitchMan over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

There once was a girl from Madras

Who rolled with a monk on the grass

She lifted his smock

And tickled his cock

'Till it foamed like a bottle of Bass

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By *irtydevil666Man over a year ago

bristol

There once was a man from sprocket Who went for a ride in a rocket The rocket went bang His balls went clang And he found his dick in his pocket!

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By *irtydevil666Man over a year ago

bristol

There once was a woman named Jill Who swallowed an exploding pill They found her vagina In North Carolina And her tits in a tree in Brazil.

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By *irtydevil666Man over a year ago

bristol

There once was a man from Bel Air Who was doing his wife on the stair But the banister broke So he doubled his stroke And finished her off in mid-air.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

there once was a man from Nantucket with a dick so long he could suck it he said with a grin as he licked off his chin "if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it."

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By *nselfishpleaserMan over a year ago

kent

Alone upon a bridge I sat

My legs were all aquiver

I gave a cough

My balls dropped off

And floated down the river

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By *uke OzadeMan over a year ago

Ho Chi Minge City

Mary had a little lamb

She kept it in a bucket

Every time the lamb got out

The bulldog used to fuck it

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By *inkyfun2013Couple over a year ago

lewisham

There was a young girl from Cape Cod

Who thought babies were coming from God

But wasn't th'Almighty

who lifted her nightie

Twas Roger, the lodger, the sod

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By *oeofsussexMan over a year ago

Eastbourne

There was a young lady from Flunt

Who loved to go out for a punt

She would shock all onlookers

Outshining the hookers

By stripping and stroking her cunt!

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By *oeofsussexMan over a year ago

Eastbourne

There was a young fellow from China

Whose girlfriend I hear was a whiner,

Such was her tight twat

that his cock was too fat

So he gave her a long 69er!

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan over a year ago

Willenhall

A man from Birmingham,

Fell off the back of a tram.

As he lay in the gutter,

All he could stutter

Was d-d-d-d-d-damn.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/04/22 05:39:36]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's your favourite limerick (the 5 lined poem)?

As a kid I found this one the funniest, not sure why.

There was a young man from Leeds,

Who swallowed a packet of seeds,

In under an hour,

His dick was a flower,

And his balls were a packet of seeds."

Limericks only work if the first, second and fifth lines rhyme and are 3 different words at the end

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By *he MuffinmanMan over a year ago

West Gloucestershire

"There once was a lad on fabswingers

He kept coming out with bazingas

His poems were genius

He's got a glorious penis

And the kid is a wizard with his fingers."

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By *he MuffinmanMan over a year ago

West Gloucestershire

The boy stood on the burning deck

His feet all covered in bisters

He didn’t have any trousers to put on

So he put on his big sisters

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb

It's fleece was very red

The reason for this was you see

It had a pick axe through it's head!!

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By *erverseintentionsMan over a year ago

Liverpool

Their was a young lad who was pissed

His headphone was dreadfully missed

Its gone and I know it

But I am a poet

So I'll just sing poetic shit

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By *inkyfun2013Couple over a year ago

lewisham

There was a young girl of Kilkenny

Whose usual charge was a penny

For half of that sum

You could finger her bum

A source of amusement for many

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's your favourite limerick (the 5 lined poem)?

As a kid I found this one the funniest, not sure why.

There was a young man from Leeds,

Who swallowed a packet of seeds,

In under an hour,

His dick was a flower,

And his balls were a packet of seeds."

Lol maybe because it short and sweet and has potential to grow ha

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

There was a young man from Leeds,

Who swallowed a packet of seeds,

In under an hour,

His dick was a flower,

And his balls were a packet of seeds.

Limericks only work if the first, second and fifth lines rhyme and are 3 different words at the end"

And his balls were covered with w e e d s

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