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Disowning family
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By *dalisqueWoman
over a year ago
land of make believe |
I have not seen most of my family for nearly 30 years and I occasionally regret it,then I remind myself what they are like.
I have a family of choice which is so much better,they choose to love me and have me in my life.
The hardest thing is my son is an adult with children of his own and he visits some of them even though he knows what they have done.
Noone deserves anything from you just because you are related.
If they make you feel bad about yourself you don't have to put up with it.
I hope you make the decision that is right for you xxx |
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There was trouble between my siblings and I when my mother died. It is now 4 years since either I or my father spoke to my brother or sister, or to any of their children. The very last contact I had with any of them was to send them the small bequests that they were left in my mothers will. |
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By *akie32Man
over a year ago
winchester |
i fell out with my parents as a teen. but as i grew up i began to see things more from thier point of view, and in my early 30s made up with them, and im glad i did, its very differend being two adults rather than an adult and a kid. and iam pleased i did, my dad sadly passed a couple of years ago, but im pleased to have got to know him again, and we both saw each other differently, my mum is still alive and we are very close, i helped her when dad died, in many ways. so yes i fell out but pleased i got to know them later, im not sure i could have coped knowing my dad died without us reconciling, it was the best thing i ever did |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I did for 3 years
Wasn’t my choice I was told to pick me or your family I chose them
Found my self homeless 3 years later
Live on the streets showing at work
Took me a while to get back talking to them
Looking back on it I regret it so much
Should have shown the person the door when they told me that one |
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I was the black sheep, always in trouble always getting a hiding for being naughty.
They didn't want to know and were glad I never darkened their doorstep.
I only remember the beatings til the day I left home.
When I remember my dad, it's the beatings I remember.
I guess everyone else thought I deserved it but it was beaten into me not out of me. Trust and anger issues. |
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By *eisty LadyWoman
over a year ago
Count Your Blessings Cottage, Gratitude Grove |
I disowned a sibling over 10 years ago, I got sick of spoken to like I was shit. I’m not being the whipping boy for any bitch with bad attitude
Best thing I’ve done, I see my other siblings, parents, extended family but do not go to family events - I don’t like them anyway I’m a quiet person so don’t feel like I am missing anything.
I never see my nephew/nieces - though the sibling sees mine at my parents - but I can’t miss what I’ve never had
Ultimately I’m happier without the sibling in my life and some of the things said & done to me are unforgivable
Their loss - not mine!
I would rather nurture genuine friendships with other people than have someone negative in my life just because they’re family
You just have to do what is right for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was the black sheep, always in trouble always getting a hiding for being naughty.
They didn't want to know and were glad I never darkened their doorstep.
I only remember the beatings til the day I left home.
When I remember my dad, it's the beatings I remember.
I guess everyone else thought I deserved it but it was beaten into me not out of me. Trust and anger issues. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have disowned my family, there are far too many reasons and so much negativity associated that I do not wish to recount the details but what I will say is I found it very easy to walk away and I will never return.
NBVN x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep, I have disowned my brother and his wife, she is toxic....I was 11 when she started dating my brother and bullied me and continued to be a bitch through adulthood. I need peace so had to withdraw and now have nothing to do with them |
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Yes, except for funerals, not seen them in way over 20 years. Apparently, I shouldn't have married my ex, so told them all to take a running jump. Even though I'm not with the ex anymore, it's never felt more right.
You can choose your friends but not your family.... I'm a better person for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tried several times to disown my brother. Sadly my family keep on taking him back no matter how many fuck ups and so I can never really cut all contact as I'm still very close with them.
When my folks are no longer here though, I'd live quite happily never seeing him again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion it's a mistake. And you normally will regret it. Remember...you can't get time back"
See, I look at it this way. Time is precious, you don't get it back. So why waste it on a person who has only brought pain and anxiety into my life in the last 20yrs? Why not focus that time and energy on my partner and kids? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion it's a mistake. And you normally will regret it. Remember...you can't get time back
See, I look at it this way. Time is precious, you don't get it back. So why waste it on a person who has only brought pain and anxiety into my life in the last 20yrs? Why not focus that time and energy on my partner and kids?"
Absolutely my way of thinking  |
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"In my opinion it's a mistake. And you normally will regret it. Remember...you can't get time back
See, I look at it this way. Time is precious, you don't get it back. So why waste it on a person who has only brought pain and anxiety into my life in the last 20yrs? Why not focus that time and energy on my partner and kids?"
Totally agree that quote. X |
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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
I was always very close to my parents, Sadly both passed away many years ago but still in my thoughts, always think about my mother when baking cakes for it was her who encouraged me to get involved. My dad always took an interest in my motor sport activities and a recent visit to Silverstone Museum brought back many happy memories of our first visit to the circuit way back in 1956.
I have one sibling, a younger sister and we get on really well, always have done.
I have never had any nephews or nieces sadly, but that is compensated for by having three great grandkids.
I think, looking back, Family wise I have been a lucky guy. |
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"In my opinion it's a mistake. And you normally will regret it. Remember...you can't get time back
Would you remain friends with a toxic person?"
No I understand that totally. It's jus really sad when families fall out. Haven't seen mine for over 10 years and I am starting to regret it.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion it's a mistake. And you normally will regret it. Remember...you can't get time back
Would you remain friends with a toxic person?
No I understand that totally. It's jus really sad when families fall out. Haven't seen mine for over 10 years and I am starting to regret it.x"
Well, every situation is different. If you are feeling a void in your life and thinking it might be due to this then possibly worth trying to contact them and build bridges? I felt nothing but relief when I admitted to myself that I owe my brother nothing and he brings nothing positive into my life. I don't miss him or think about him. If I did then I'd reconsider my actions. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for your insights! I've quietly veered say from certain family members for periods of time over the years without ever causing a scene, but getting close to the final straw with someone who hasn't changed their behaviour for 35+ years, so they aren't going to are they. You hope they will grow up/out of it, have kids and mellow, etc, and when they don't...well, can't say they didn't have chances and opportunities. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hey all, get in touch I'm feeling naughty tonight...don't be shy
Is this working for you hun?
He has posted this on at least 10 threads this morning, so I guess the answer is no  "
I'm disowning him... |
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I haven't deliberately disowned anyone, but I suspect that with some parts of my family - it might have come to a head if we lived closer. I've just quietly neglected relationships with people I consider toxic. (I don't particularly cherish being lectured for hours on end about why I'm stupid and why they're right, and I gather second hand that the last couple of years have turned this habit from profoundly irritating to actively hateful)
I may never see some of them again, and I've sort of made peace with it. But it's not been a deliberate act. |
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I do get this as someone who has very minimal contact with my family. It seems so sad but in my case i know I am different (autism) and they just can't accept it so realise it's probably for the best. |
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By *dalisqueWoman
over a year ago
land of make believe |
"In my opinion it's a mistake. And you normally will regret it. Remember...you can't get time back
See, I look at it this way. Time is precious, you don't get it back. So why waste it on a person who has only brought pain and anxiety into my life in the last 20yrs? Why not focus that time and energy on my partner and kids?"
Exactly, so true.
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My Canadian cousins are racist bigots... ironic that they’re both emigrants. I have no choice but to cut them out of everything - my wife is mixed race, my sister in law is Indian. One of the cousins tries desperately to involve herself in my life and I’ve had to remind her why she isn’t welcome regularly. The ‘But we’re blood, family’, crap doesn’t cut the mustard. She’s thicker than water that’s for sure. |
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Disowned my father in 1996 and tried to reconnect 20 years later but he wasn't interested. I am happy, he might be happy, he might be dead (i don't care).
I did the same to my uncle a decade ago after he insulted my wife. Only just reconnected with his wife recently. Thankfully he is no longer with us.
You can't choose your family, but you also don't have to put up with their shit. Life is too short. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion it's a mistake. And you normally will regret it. Remember...you can't get time back
Would you remain friends with a toxic person?
No I understand that totally. It's jus really sad when families fall out. Haven't seen mine for over 10 years and I am starting to regret it.x"
Can you contact them and try to sort a meet up?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't call it disowning, I call it removing toxicity from your life. From my experience, blood means nothing when it comes to abusers.. best thing I ever did cutting certain people out of my life. As you get older you tolerate people less and prioritise your happiness more. |
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"Hey all, get in touch I'm feeling naughty tonight...don't be shy
Is this working for you hun?
He has posted this on at least 10 threads this morning, so I guess the answer is no "
I know he has that’s why I had to ask (tongue in cheek) 
Ms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know that my mum and her sister fell out with their brother years ago over their mother's will. They didn't speak to him for years but then my mum saw him one day and although it was awkward at first, they started talking again. It wasn't really the same even though they're still in touch to this day but my aunt passed away though. She never truly forgave him and my mother is still very bitter. Family is just nothing but trouble and I've always said that when my dad goes, I'll walk away from my mother as it's just draining having that in your life x |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
Not entirely disowned but I have as little to do with my sister as possible. My parents are beginning to get to the same point. She is toxic, and exhausting to be around. She has had issues with drugs and alcohol since she was a teen, and if it wasn't for her kids my parents would have washed their hands of her years ago. |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"I have not seen most of my family for nearly 30 years and I occasionally regret it,then I remind myself what they are like.
I have a family of choice which is so much better,they choose to love me and have me in my life.
The hardest thing is my son is an adult with children of his own and he visits some of them even though he knows what they have done.
Noone deserves anything from you just because you are related.
If they make you feel bad about yourself you don't have to put up with it.
I hope you make the decision that is right for you xxx"
It is a bitter truth that life has taught me in my 37 years. Family are the people who choose you and you choose them to love and protect, warts and all. Not the people who--by stroke of luck--have the same DNA with you. The prickliest and most poisonous thorns on our side are the ones we have grown up with.... |
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This is an interesting read. I've always had a difficult relationship with my mum but I've always felt that you suck it up for family. My mum has recently refused to come to my 30th birthday because she doesn't agree with my relationships. I can't imagine ever completely cutting contact but unless she eventually comes round, I can't see it not having a dramatic impact on our relationship and I don't think she understands that at this point. It's going to be a difficult road ahead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep. My Dad.
Haven't spoken to him in over 13 years and don't plan to. Am much happier with him out of my life.
He was a very toxic person and had more than enough chances.
No regrets whatsoever. x |
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Yes I did disown my father. This resulted in the whole of his side doing to same to me. Maintained it for approximately 5, decided not to after my grandfather's cancer diagnosis. I now have limited contact for an easier life. |
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(Mr)…I was kicked out at 17, my parents never liked my girlfriend at the time who I did marry and was with for 23 years before we divorced, my now wife did try to get in touch but nothing came of it, found out my mom died 5 years ago from a friend, felt indifferent to it to be honest I hadn’t seen either of them for near enough 25 years….I’ve 4 children and my parents had never met 2 of them. No regrets though… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My dad and his side of the family, totally cut contact when I moved out at 16. Never spoke to him again for many varied justifiable reasons. Kept in touch with my mom but didn’t actually see her for nearly 20 years as he was still alive, once he passed away I started to slowly and cautiously build bridges with my family again but my oldest brother and me have not spoken in 28 years because of it, we probably never will, but I was much happier out of the situation I was in and it made me a much better person and father as I would never treat my kids how I was treated as a child
Phew and breathe  |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
I wouldn't say I disowned my brother I just didn't see him much because of his lifestyle, he was a raging alcoholic. He used to rile me something rotten because of his lifstyle, but I would also see him in town and we would chat for ages.
I fell out with him one day when he called me and I thought fuck him, he can piss off and drink himself to death.
I called him the next day but I didn't get an answer and I thought that's it this time. But he called me back later on from hospital, he collapsed in some way. It turned out he had 2 masses on the brain and he was riddled with cancer.
We spoke on the phone everyday for a month, as it was at the start of Lockdown, but we spoke for hours and realise blood is thicker than water, until I got that phone call one Sunday morning and I got 3 hours with him.
Our parents and brother were already dead and it was me who shared his last moments with and I will always treasure that. |
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"Hey all, get in touch I'm feeling naughty tonight...don't be shy
Is this working for you hun?
He has posted this on at least 10 threads this morning, so I guess the answer is no
I know he has that’s why I had to ask (tongue in cheek)
Ms "
I felt like making a similar comment |
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I packed my 10 bin bags when I was 18, called a taxi and left. 32 years ago. I Have not had contact, and don't intend to start now. I don't speak to either parent and one of my brothers. My twin texts and moans about his ptsd on our birthday and Christmas. I found out he'd re married, after his facebook profile pic was updated.
In my daughters collage class, their was a chap with my maiden surname. She commented to him about it. The penny dropped and they realised they we're cusions, who had never met, or known about each other.
- fem. |
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I have no contact with my father or my siblings, the relationships I had with them were toxic and contributed alot to my lack of self esteem and declining mental health so I cut ties.
It still makes me sad,mostly that I will never be worth anything to them and also because I was never lucky enough to have a loving family. |
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By *yronMan
over a year ago
grangemouth |
Not exactly disowned, but my brother and I aren't as close as when we were children.
I was the awkward teenager who managed to make wrong comment each and every time. This pissed off his friends, so he chose them over me.
Now we only ever speak at Christmas. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I disowned mine years ago.
The stress that disappeared with doing so was absolutely blissful. I come from a large family too. I still to this day don't understand the behaviour of them and low they would go. There are way too many stories to tell on them.
The last time I spoke to any of them... Well I just don't have it in me to forgive any of them for what happened. It was the most awful thing at the time and not one bit of me wants to talk to them again. I don't regret my decision, I doubt I ever will to be honest.
If I went into detail I think you'd understand.
I have had contact with my mother in the last few years on occasion but after one conversation I knew nothing had changed.
One of my parents used my siblings against me and to carry out their abuse too. It was all fucked up from the start. I couldn't even try and make that work out well now.
PW |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't say I disowned my brother I just didn't see him much because of his lifestyle, he was a raging alcoholic. He used to rile me something rotten because of his lifstyle, but I would also see him in town and we would chat for ages.
I fell out with him one day when he called me and I thought fuck him, he can piss off and drink himself to death.
I called him the next day but I didn't get an answer and I thought that's it this time. But he called me back later on from hospital, he collapsed in some way. It turned out he had 2 masses on the brain and he was riddled with cancer.
We spoke on the phone everyday for a month, as it was at the start of Lockdown, but we spoke for hours and realise blood is thicker than water, until I got that phone call one Sunday morning and I got 3 hours with him.
Our parents and brother were already dead and it was me who shared his last moments with and I will always treasure that. "
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I stopped talking to my father when I was 14. He wasn't evil, but he clearly didn't like me, and never gave me anything but criticism. I had to live in the same house as him for 4 nore years until he unexpectedly left my mother. I've not spoken to him since, and haven't regretted it for a second.
I barely acknowledge my sister and, until recently, hadn't had any contact with her for 30 years. She's very manipulative and I found I just couldn't trust anything she said or did. I don't regret it.
I've not spoken to my brother for 10 years after we had a falling out. I worried about it for a few months at first, but slowly came to realise that I really didn't miss the tantrums, and the sarcasm, and the passive aggressive put downs. I was happier without him in my life.
Sadly my mum recently died, which meant that I had to talk to my brother and sister again. I found that I could be civil with my sister as long as we just discussed today's issues and nothing else. I found my brother was just as difficult as before. Hopefully we'll get the house sold soon and I'll never have to see them again.
On the other side, I have a half-brother that lived elsewhere when I was a kid. He's not the sort of person I would normally talk to if I met him at a social event, but having been forced to talk to him at family get togethers we've come to really appreciate each other. We keep in touch regularly and I'm flying out to visit him next week. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion it's a mistake. And you normally will regret it. Remember...you can't get time back"
I fell out with a family member for about 5 years... feel better we are back to talking
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reading these stories, I am struck by how many people who've been let down by those closest to them. As children, we should be at least be able to rely on the adults in our family to look out for us.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reading these stories, I am struck by how many people who've been let down by those closest to them. As children, we should be at least be able to rely on the adults in our family to look out for us. "
Completely agree, as a father now I often think how could someone do what they did to their own child. |
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By *andy2123Couple
over a year ago
Portsmouth |
"I have not seen most of my family for nearly 30 years and I occasionally regret it,then I remind myself what they are like.
I have a family of choice which is so much better,they choose to love me and have me in my life.
The hardest thing is my son is an adult with children of his own and he visits some of them even though he knows what they have done.
Noone deserves anything from you just because you are related.
If they make you feel bad about yourself you don't have to put up with it.
I hope you make the decision that is right for you xxx"
It's the same with us. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reading these stories, I am struck by how many people who've been let down by those closest to them. As children, we should be at least be able to rely on the adults in our family to look out for us.
Completely agree, as a father now I often think how could someone do what they did to their own child. "
Since becoming a Dad I hate my dad even more for how pathetic he was at it. Guess he just didn’t love me enough lmao  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reading these stories, I am struck by how many people who've been let down by those closest to them. As children, we should be at least be able to rely on the adults in our family to look out for us.
Completely agree, as a father now I often think how could someone do what they did to their own child.
Since becoming a Dad I hate my dad even more for how pathetic he was at it. Guess he just didn’t love me enough lmao "
My kids have gone low contact with theirs, it saddens me but I can understand why. I hope I can be enough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reading these stories, I am struck by how many people who've been let down by those closest to them. As children, we should be at least be able to rely on the adults in our family to look out for us.
Completely agree, as a father now I often think how could someone do what they did to their own child.
Since becoming a Dad I hate my dad even more for how pathetic he was at it. Guess he just didn’t love me enough lmao
My kids have gone low contact with theirs, it saddens me but I can understand why. I hope I can be enough. "
Dads are the worst. You are enough.
Good to see you in the forums today. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reading these stories, I am struck by how many people who've been let down by those closest to them. As children, we should be at least be able to rely on the adults in our family to look out for us.
Completely agree, as a father now I often think how could someone do what they did to their own child.
Since becoming a Dad I hate my dad even more for how pathetic he was at it. Guess he just didn’t love me enough lmao
My kids have gone low contact with theirs, it saddens me but I can understand why. I hope I can be enough.
Dads are the worst. You are enough.
Good to see you in the forums today. "
My dad is wonderful. I've been very lucky with my family. I think kids need their dad just as much.
Thank you, I didn't enjoy my...enforced holiday. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" My kids have gone low contact with theirs, it saddens me but I can understand why. I hope I can be enough.
Dads are the worst. You are enough.
Good to see you in the forums today.
My dad is wonderful. I've been very lucky with my family. I think kids need their dad just as much.
Thank you, I didn't enjoy my...enforced holiday. "
I’m glad he is. I know there are some great ones out there. Dads are important.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What a load of sad stories. I've had more problems with family that I ever had with friends, and it's a family tradition as both parents had similar problems with their respective families long before I was an adult. I've always said that family is who you choose to love, and not some technicality of birth. Blood is not thicker than water. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
My dad disowned me and my sister, he divorced my mum when we were 7 and 3, despite various attempts to reconcile the relationship in my teenage years and an olive branch from my sister prior to her wedding he has been a continuous disappointment. I gave up trying when I was around 18 and never looked back, the toxic nature of his empty promises just got too much to deal. He divorced my mother due to his affair with a woman who had kids the same age as myself and my sister, I will probably never understand why or how he could raise them instead of his own however I have a wonderful mother and have had a wonderful, love filled life, sometimes people just aren’t meant to be in yours and once you accept that you find you are far happier xx |
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"My dad disowned me and my sister, he divorced my mum when we were 7 and 3, despite various attempts to reconcile the relationship in my teenage years and an olive branch from my sister prior to her wedding he has been a continuous disappointment. I gave up trying when I was around 18 and never looked back, the toxic nature of his empty promises just got too much to deal. He divorced my mother due to his affair with a woman who had kids the same age as myself and my sister, I will probably never understand why or how he could raise them instead of his own however I have a wonderful mother and have had a wonderful, love filled life, sometimes people just aren’t meant to be in yours and once you accept that you find you are far happier xx"
I wouldn't be able to understand that.
I worked with a woman once who left her husband and 6 year old daughter for another man. She told me that life was easier with only seeing me daughter once a week, she felt less responsibility. I think some people are just missing something. |
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"My dad disowned me and my sister, he divorced my mum when we were 7 and 3, despite various attempts to reconcile the relationship in my teenage years and an olive branch from my sister prior to her wedding he has been a continuous disappointment. I gave up trying when I was around 18 and never looked back, the toxic nature of his empty promises just got too much to deal. He divorced my mother due to his affair with a woman who had kids the same age as myself and my sister, I will probably never understand why or how he could raise them instead of his own however I have a wonderful mother and have had a wonderful, love filled life, sometimes people just aren’t meant to be in yours and once you accept that you find you are far happier xx"
That must have been very difficult for u and your sister x |
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I dont talk to either of my parents. My mother is a complete narcissist who used me as a pawn in her bullshit and attempted to control every iota of my life. My father essentially abandoned my and my brothers, hooked up with someone else and went on to have kids with her and became father of the year to them. When i finally cut contact with my mother she poisoned my brothers against me. One got back in contact, the other i have not seen or spoken to in 10 years despite my reaching out on occasions, i was not invited to their wedding, i havent met my nephew and he has not met my children. I dont need that toxicity in my life so if people ask im an orphan with one brother |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didn't speak to any of my family for nearly 6 years
My life was no better or no worse with or without them in it
I'm not very close to them now
I haven't seen my mum in person for nearly 9 months and have only spoken on the phone a handful of times
I speak to them now to be civil
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