FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What? You don't have Children....?

What? You don't have Children....?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Obviously today is Mother's Day, & yesterday as I work in retail during conversations Mother's Day cropped up & I was asked if I was been treated or getting anything nice...when I said I didn't have children the response was of surprise (Obviously they were only making conversation

)

It's also cropped up whilst out socialising... also with some guys I talk to on Fab with the same reaction more so as obviously due to my age Grand children too.

I don't mind explaining it was my choice, but some seem to find it weird..

Do any of you have similar experiences? or had any strange reactions?..the strangest one I had was that I was "selfish " for not having had any

I replied it would be more selfish to have them when I didn't want them.

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By *avie65Man over a year ago

In the west.

You made a decision that is right for you OP, so **** those that make comments like these to you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Id understand the surprised bit but calling someone selfish in an overpopulated world is beyond strange not to mention they dont know your life someones kid may have died or been taken or any number of things its a good job your patient i know many who would have gone full bricktop nemesis mode

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a relative who has no intention of having kids. She’s happily married and is happy to just look after her nieces and nephews every now and again.

Her reason is that she is too selfish to have kids. She likes to put herself first and have complete freedom so maybe that’s what the person meant by saying your were selfish.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In a time of diversity you'd think people would stop frowning upon each other. Definitely not selfish for choosing not to have them, especially if you didn't want them. It would never be said to a guy!!

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By *ancer36Woman over a year ago

Stirling

All the time…I’ve had several ‘you just haven’t met the right person’ ‘you will change your mind’ comments over the years and frankly it’s patronising at the very least, I choose not to have children because I don’t desire them, the responsibility they bring or the challenges. Whilst I adore kids there not on my agenda and just because I am woman that doesn’t warrant the need for them to be, everyone has the freedom of choice and people would do well to remember that x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Obviously today is Mother's Day, & yesterday as I work in retail during conversations Mother's Day cropped up & I was asked if I was been treated or getting anything nice...when I said I didn't have children the response was of surprise (Obviously they were only making conversation

)

It's also cropped up whilst out socialising... also with some guys I talk to on Fab with the same reaction more so as obviously due to my age Grand children too.

I don't mind explaining it was my choice, but some seem to find it weird..

Do any of you have similar experiences? or had any strange reactions?..the strangest one I had was that I was "selfish " for not having had any

I replied it would be more selfish to have them when I didn't want them."

People are idiots aren't they and I guess it's seen as a societal norm because we are conditioned as we grow to study, get a job, settle have kids.

You do life your way, stuff people.

My Daughter in law has Ehlers Danlos and Dr's have told her getting pregnant isn't an issue but carrying and giving birth would be so her and my son decided no, the comments people make are awful then she gets upset

As for me, yes being a Grandma would be amazing but not at the cost of her health for sure, she comes first

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hopefully those old fashioned views are disappearing. Hey, it's a positive isn't it. Spend your money on yourself and not be poor, no responsibility or ties as such. What isn't there to love .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tell them you had 16 miscarriages. That should shut them up.

People can be such knobs. I don't know why anyone would feel the need to explain their private life.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

I've had a lot of shitty comments about not wanting to. I agree it would be selfish to have them when I'm not feeling the desire to. I can't afford it and my chronic pain condition can make it hard to look after myself, nevermind another human. I grew up with an emotionally distant mum and its been really painful. As much as if I was to become a mum I would do everything I could not to be like that to my own, I still fear that my lack of maternal instinct would leave them feeling they were missing something and I would hate that.

I also think people should be far more sensitive around the topic as some people can't have children. My great aunt couldn’t and honestly it breaks my heart to think of her being asked these sorts of questions around mother's day.

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By *houldersSquareMan over a year ago

Manchester

Not exactly the same thing, but I've the snip. If it comes up in conversation, the first thing they ask is almost always "can you get it reversed?" As if regret is inevitable.

I mean, not once has someone said "Oooh I've never tasted spermless cum, can I try some?" Pretty rude if you ask me.

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"All the time…I’ve had several ‘you just haven’t met the right person’ ‘you will change your mind’ comments over the years and frankly it’s patronising at the very least, I choose not to have children because I don’t desire them, the responsibility they bring or the challenges. Whilst I adore kids there not on my agenda and just because I am woman that doesn’t warrant the need for them to be, everyone has the freedom of choice and people would do well to remember that x"

It's not as if there is a lack of people having kids and the future of the human race is at risk.

People should just accept that you're allowed to decide for yourself.

Cal

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

)

It's also cropped up whilst out socialising... also with some guys I talk to on Fab with the same reaction more so as obviously due to my age Grand children too.

I don't mind explaining it was my choice, but some seem to find it weird..

Do any of you have similar experiences? or had any strange reactions?..the strangest one I had was that I was "selfish " for not having had any

I replied it would be more selfish to have them when I didn't want them."

I get this all the time

I get asked if there something wrong with me

I get told I need to hurry up because I don't have much time left

I get told that I'll regret it when I'm older

Why I worked in my old department I used to constantly be expected to work Mother's days as everyone else had kids and it was seen as being difficult if I said I wouldn't

Blah blah blah

Nice to know it will only get worse as I get older

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wow. Kids are horrible. Most people wouldn't choose their own kids. They make noise, mess take all your money. The only people that say kids are the best thing in the world are people that got stuck with them. Bitter parents who's kids will never meet up to their expectations. Yes I have kids and love them but they still not an easy life. Plenty of my friends not got them and enjoy life a lot more.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And they ruin your hole so stay kid free and tight as a wistle.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wow. Kids are horrible. Most people wouldn't choose their own kids. They make noise, mess take all your money. The only people that say kids are the best thing in the world are people that got stuck with them. Bitter parents who's kids will never meet up to their expectations. Yes I have kids and love them but they still not an easy life. Plenty of my friends not got them and enjoy life a lot more. "

Wow

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And they ruin your hole so stay kid free and tight as a wistle. "

Good point. My female friends all make flapping noises when they move around because their vaginas are so loose from having kids.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And they ruin your hole so stay kid free and tight as a wistle. "

Double wow. 40 odd years old and still doesn’t know how a vagina works.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And they ruin your hole so stay kid free and tight as a wistle. "

errrrrrr wrong ! It’s sometimes the opposite !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My kids have exceeded my expectations....And my kids were a joy to raise.

Children are like sponges, what you put in they absorb and put back out.

Self fulfilling prophecy....Always getting told you won't amount to much may lead you to believe that....And you might not

I Hope your children don't pick up your resentment

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And they ruin your hole so stay kid free and tight as a wistle.

Double wow. 40 odd years old and still doesn’t know how a vagina works. "
some folks still say the earth is flat so are you really surprised

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And they ruin your hole so stay kid free and tight as a wistle.

Double wow. 40 odd years old and still doesn’t know how a vagina works. some folks still say the earth is flat so are you really surprised

Some people should have been a wank.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman over a year ago

Reading

Having kids is hard so if you are not 100% in you shouldn't have them. It is becoming more and more common of a choice to not have them so the reaction you are getting is odd.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Not exactly the same thing, but I've the snip. If it comes up in conversation, the first thing they ask is almost always "can you get it reversed?" As if regret is inevitable.

I mean, not once has someone said "Oooh I've never tasted spermless cum, can I try some?" Pretty rude if you ask me. "

Great to get a mans viewpoint.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And they ruin your hole so stay kid free and tight as a wistle.

Double wow. 40 odd years old and still doesn’t know how a vagina works. some folks still say the earth is flat so are you really surprised

Some people should have been a wank."

harsh

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By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

"And they ruin your hole so stay kid free and tight as a wistle.

Double wow. 40 odd years old and still doesn’t know how a vagina works. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve not got kids, plenty nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews and great great nieces and nephews. Why would I want to add to them?

I’ve always know I didn’t want children. Plus I’d make a rubbish mum.

If it’s a woman’s choice to have children surely it’s our choice not too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Totally agree! I think it’s totally okay not to want them, I have this discussion with a few friends of mine, who are around my age and don’t seem

To desire them particularly. and I think that’s okay

I thought about it loads, and I understand the total commitment it takes to raise a child, and I believe in giving him/her the best start in life . And meaning they become the first priority in your life.

And I’m just fair to admit that I am too selfish to have a kid and that’s okay. Also I can make a choice, and I’m okay with being the step mother if it’s meant to be x

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By *iss SJWoman over a year ago

Hull

Wether you don’t want them or can’t have them it’s no fuckers business and you don’t have to explain either way. I’ve been so pissed off with this constant question since my mid twenties usually from super smug earth mother types. More recently had one in the office who kept pushing me to consider fostering. You can’t tell someone you need to work with to fuck off and mind their beeswax so I just avoided her at all times. I’ve never heard anyone asking the men without children the same questions though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think people should be less judgemental and let people be who they want to be, without prejudice. Step out of themselves every now and again.

Good on you OP for being who you want to be. Sod the rest of them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There are literally thousands of excellent reasons not to bring a child unwillingly into this messed up world!

Perceptions are changing, but way too slowly.

Don't let the nay sayers bring you down... they are just jealous!

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By *eroLondonMan over a year ago

Mayfair

As someone who has gone through the emotionally draining and spectre of IVF/fertility treatment, I have learned not to pry, question or judge those who don't have children.

It's a topic which is difficult to broach.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"Tell them you had 16 miscarriages. That should shut them up.

People can be such knobs. I don't know why anyone would feel the need to explain their private life."

Why should someone have to use miscarriage to shut people up? I would never claim to be infertile or have miscarriages to explain away why i don't have children. I feel that's massively disrespectful to those who have gone through such traumatic events.

Mine isn't by choose though, just can't find anyone to stick around long enough to get me up the duff

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By *ed VoluptaWoman over a year ago

Wirral.

I only really ever got this type of comment when I was in my 20's, and it was my own mother who said I was selfish, "think of all the women who can't have children". I'm sorry OP that you are experiencing this.

I knew from an early age I didn't want them & have never regretted my decision. Especially when friends with kids do nothing but complain about them

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

It’s their issue not yours OP. They just assume! Never assume!

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By *ife NinjaMan over a year ago

Dunfermline

Wow"

Don't take the bait.....the faceless one is trying to get a rise out of you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh i had such pressure through my 20s + 30s, but i knew from an early age i never wanted to have children. Even as i approached 50 i was told its not too late

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

I have stepchildren and have to over explain the fact I’m very close but not been with their dad for years. But I’ve known for a long time I couldn’t have children of my own. It’s not something I really want to go into with people I don’t know and I think it’s mega rude for people to bring it up so flippantly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always tell my daughter, you don't have to kids if you don't want.

I wouldn't be without my daughter, I daresay if I didn't have her I'd probably die of liver poisoning going out all the time.

I tell her life choices are very different in modern times do what makes you happy. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As someone who has gone through the emotionally draining and spectre of IVF/fertility treatment, I have learned not to pry, question or judge those who don't have children.

It's a topic which is difficult to broach."

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By *rincessPuddleDuck22Woman over a year ago

.•°°

I get told too often i should be thinking about having kids and asked why I dont plan on having any. The simple answer is because i don't want kids... but that's not a good enough reason apparently.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman over a year ago

ashford

One of my daughters was adamant from young age she never wanted any! And I know she will never change her mind about that she is 30 this year! I admire her for it as she says there are far to many people on this planet allready! X

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By *arry monk40Man over a year ago

Telford

My only regret at not having children is not being able to participate in the national pastime of taking them to a supermarket to constantly shout at them until they scream continually oh and getting time off work because of "child care issues" but it's OK those who don't have them can take up the slack and work every half term all summer and every Christmas

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By *uliette500Woman over a year ago

Hull

You made your own choice OP and nobody else's option matters.

I don't understand why people think they have a right to make judgements on others life choices.

I only have one child. (due to personal and medical reasons) but I've been called selfish for not giving my child a sibling.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Tell them you had 16 miscarriages. That should shut them up.

People can be such knobs. I don't know why anyone would feel the need to explain their private life.

Mine isn't by choose though, just can't find anyone to stick around long enough to get me up the duff

If it shut the person up and made them *think* then it would be worth it.

They are the disrespectful person.

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By *elvet RopeMan over a year ago

by the big field

Tell them you'll just have to cry in to your pillow each morning, as you have an undisturbed lie in while planning how to spend all your free time that week and pondering which luxury, child free holiday destination you should visit next

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By *issYeuxBleusWoman over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

Yes all the time!

In fact, just last week I had a hospital appointment because I’m having loads of problems with my ovaries and cervix etc, my last surgeon referred me to have them removed. The new doctor gave me a lecture and told me why she is trying to consider other ways to keep them so I can still have children. (Long term medication, fuck that!)

She even wrote me a letter expressing her concern and the first line was “you are a 37 year old woman who has had no pregnancies”

Yeah I’m fully aware

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By *ife NinjaMan over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Yes all the time!

She even wrote me a letter expressing her concern and the first line was “you are a 37 year old woman who has had no pregnancies”

Yeah I’m fully aware

I feel uncomfortable for you just reading that

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple over a year ago

Lincoln

"Yes all the time!

She even wrote me a letter expressing her concern and the first line was “you are a 37 year old woman who has had no pregnancies”

Yeah I’m fully aware

Punch her in the tit.

LvM

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"Yes all the time!

She even wrote me a letter expressing her concern and the first line was “you are a 37 year old woman who has had no pregnancies”

Yeah I’m fully aware

I feel you. I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 21. I was lucky to have a diagnosis so early but it doesn't really help me as they basically refuse to do anything more than hormones and painkillers because of "protecting my fertility". Even though untreated endometriosis fucks your fertility anyway

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to get it often I didn't have my 1st until I was 34, prior I always found people ask why I didn't have kids, I found it a little rude to be honest, I wouldn't ask people why they didn't work, or didn't have a car or weren't married.

Mrs

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By *issmorganWoman over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I used to get this all the time,

Some made me feel I had something wrong with me for not having or wanting kids .

If I had a quid for Everytime someone told me I'd change my mind , I'd have a good stash.I never changed it as I know my own mind.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Mostly from doctors tbh. I think people are calming down in general. And my family have learned to stop asking.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes all the time!

She even wrote me a letter expressing her concern and the first line was “you are a 37 year old woman who has had no pregnancies”

Yeah I’m fully aware

. "
I was going to the G.P for 6yrs before they finally referred me to my gynaecologist, then I was diagnosed with endometriosis which is the reason I don’t have children, I have been through IVF which is very stressful and I wouldn’t go through it again. There could be a small chance I could get pregnant so my gynaecologist tells me but my mind set has changed and personally I don’t want children I’m happy without them, but I would not judge anyone who doesn’t want them. Woman that annoy me are the ones that have kids and neglect them because they never wanted them in the first place and blame the poor kids for there behaviour

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By *ife NinjaMan over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Yes all the time!

She even wrote me a letter expressing her concern and the first line was “you are a 37 year old woman who has had no pregnancies”

Yeah I’m fully aware

. I was going to the G.P for 6yrs before they finally referred me to my gynaecologist, then I was diagnosed with endometriosis which is the reason I don’t have children, I have been through IVF which is very stressful and I wouldn’t go through it again. There could be a small chance I could get pregnant so my gynaecologist tells me but my mind set has changed and personally I don’t want children I’m happy without them, but I would not judge anyone who doesn’t want them. Woman that annoy me are the ones that have kids and neglect them because they never wanted them in the first place and blame the poor kids for there behaviour "

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"Yes all the time!

She even wrote me a letter expressing her concern and the first line was “you are a 37 year old woman who has had no pregnancies”

Yeah I’m fully aware

I was just really lucky that I saw a GP who had previously trained in O&G and later retrained as a GP.

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

Typical questions I get asked as well

Have you ever smoked/tried drûgs/got married/had kids/changed nappie shad a tatoo/been to a football match?

Really?

Yes

What's wrong with you?

Nothing: I just don't like them

Well, how do yu know if you've never tried?

Because I have learnt from hindsight, not soley from my own experiences

Some people just don't understand how I haven't succumbed to peer pressure. Free thinking is alien to these sheeple.

This sort of numpty logic is filling empty heads and needs to stop.

I have made up my mind from a very early age about some of these things, say about 5 years old.

You ain't gonna change my mind, ever!

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Typical questions I get asked as well

Have you ever smoked/tried drûgs/got married/had kids/changed nappie shad a tatoo/been to a football match?

Really?

Yes

What's wrong with you?

Nothing: I just don't like them

Well, how do yu know if you've never tried?

Because I have learnt from hindsight, not soley from my own experiences

Some people just don't understand how I haven't succumbed to peer pressure. Free thinking is alien to these sheeple.

This sort of numpty logic is filling empty heads and needs to stop.

I have made up my mind from a very early age about some of these things, say about 5 years old.

You ain't gonna change my mind, ever!

Several years ago, when I was having a query gynae emergency, the gynaecologist asked how many pregnancies, miscarriages and births I'd had. 0/0/0.

"How? Are you a virgin?"

There are so many things I wish I'd thought of if I hadn't been in agony

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

If it wasn't for us childless people who are so selfish, who would cover your time off over the school holidays?

No one has mentioned that being childless is the most greenest thing that you can ever do for the planet.

Pop that one in your pipe!

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"Typical questions I get asked as well

Have you ever smoked/tried drûgs/got married/had kids/changed nappie shad a tatoo/been to a football match?

Really?

Yes

What's wrong with you?

Nothing: I just don't like them

Well, how do yu know if you've never tried?

Because I have learnt from hindsight, not soley from my own experiences

Some people just don't understand how I haven't succumbed to peer pressure. Free thinking is alien to these sheeple.

This sort of numpty logic is filling empty heads and needs to stop.

I have made up my mind from a very early age about some of these things, say about 5 years old.

You ain't gonna change my mind, ever!

Several years ago, when I was having a query gynae emergency, the gynaecologist asked how many pregnancies, miscarriages and births I'd had. 0/0/0.

"How? Are you a virgin?"

There are so many things I wish I'd thought of if I hadn't been in agony

In French:

single=simple: when it comes to things like ice cream

single+celebataire/celibate: when it comes to relationships.

False logic at it's most crass. Blame the church for the second one.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Typical questions I get asked as well

Have you ever smoked/tried drûgs/got married/had kids/changed nappie shad a tatoo/been to a football match?

Really?

Yes

What's wrong with you?

Nothing: I just don't like them

Well, how do yu know if you've never tried?

Because I have learnt from hindsight, not soley from my own experiences

Some people just don't understand how I haven't succumbed to peer pressure. Free thinking is alien to these sheeple.

This sort of numpty logic is filling empty heads and needs to stop.

I have made up my mind from a very early age about some of these things, say about 5 years old.

You ain't gonna change my mind, ever!

Several years ago, when I was having a query gynae emergency, the gynaecologist asked how many pregnancies, miscarriages and births I'd had. 0/0/0.

"How? Are you a virgin?"

There are so many things I wish I'd thought of if I hadn't been in agony

In French:

single=simple: when it comes to things like ice cream

single+celebataire/celibate: when it comes to relationships.

False logic at it's most crass. Blame the church for the second one."

The response I most wish I'd said was "you taught me how to use birth control, and I listened"

Unfortunately, agony, so I just let him think whatever he wanted. (Side note - gynaecologists are the absolute worst for this kind of shit. In my unfortunately not limited experience)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You sound a bitter parent because you've had kids. Although everyone's entitled to their opinion i don't agree with yours.I value my kids and appreciate the fact I was fortunate enough to have them, not everyone gets that choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Another not having them here. My reasons are medical & personal. My choices are no one's business, deeply personal to me.

'Selfish' can be applied to both sides of the debate, but is totally unconstructive. Equally, the trauma cycle is a thing, rarely considered. Traumatized people with good intentions, project their unhealed issues onto their children during development, causing a new generation of dysfunction.

It is so insensitive to comment, especially around Mothers day, could be super triggering to some (luckily not me, though can still hurt a little) & the sad part is its usually other women who do the questioning as they can't see past their own experiences.

I'm really hoping, as others have said, its an issue that is fading out. Sadly not soon enough!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If it wasn't for us childless people who are so selfish, who would cover your time off over the school holidays?

No one has mentioned that being childless is the most greenest thing that you can ever do for the planet.

Pop that one in your pipe!"
haha well said

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

I was heard a nurse say on telly many moons ago, about bing on a children's ward. "Lend them your shoulders to cry own, never give them your heart, as the buggers will run away with it and never return". It might have be a drama of some sort...I'm not sure. Good advice though.

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"If it wasn't for us childless people who are so selfish, who would cover your time off over the school holidays?

No one has mentioned that being childless is the most greenest thing that you can ever do for the planet.

Pop that one in your pipe! haha well said

Not read through the thread yet but yes if everyone stayed childless just think how climate change would stop in a generation...

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

" (Side note - gynaecologists are the absolute worst for this kind of shit. In my unfortunately not limited experience)"

"Think Gyno: think twats!"

I can see the Catherine Tate memes just now.

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"If it wasn't for us childless people who are so selfish, who would cover your time off over the school holidays?

No one has mentioned that being childless is the most greenest thing that you can ever do for the planet.

Pop that one in your pipe! haha well said

Not read through the thread yet but yes if everyone stayed childless just think how climate change would stop in a generation... "

China tried to do that, by force. It didn't work. People want carrots (don't like 'em personally) not stick.

Imagine being told "If you don't have kids you can can work and never pay income tax".

There's already been married tax allowances and CT credits, so it's not that ridiculous.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

" (Side note - gynaecologists are the absolute worst for this kind of shit. In my unfortunately not limited experience)

"Think Gyno: think twats!"

I can see the Catherine Tate memes just now."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

An alternative way to look at it is, its just as selfish to want kids as it is to not want kids.

It's selfish to want children, because you're doing it for yourself, not for the children because they don't exist yet.

I realise this is not the normal viewpoint.

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"You made a decision that is right for you OP, so **** those that make comments like these to you.

Yeah, bet these numpties would never ever say that to a nun...yet some of them are mothers.

On Fathers' Day, just copy and paste all of this thread.

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

" (Side note - gynaecologists are the absolute worst for this kind of shit. In my unfortunately not limited experience)

"Think Gyno: think twats!"

I can see the Catherine Tate memes just now.

Can you picture the speculums being pulled out of the freezer too?

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By *6travellerMan over a year ago

Tayside, Midlands and Chester

We all have or had a mother and father, whether or not they were the ones we wanted is another matter but we would not be here without them. However, whether or not one wants to become a parent is another thing and is of no one else's business. Personally I think my birthday is the day I quietly remember my parents and my life since birth. I don't need a commercially inspired mothers day / fathers day and all the stuff that goes with it. I would rather my children spend their earnings on themselves and their children as I know we all care about each other 365 days of the year and that is more than enough for me.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

" (Side note - gynaecologists are the absolute worst for this kind of shit. In my unfortunately not limited experience)

"Think Gyno: think twats!"

I can see the Catherine Tate memes just now.

Can you picture the speculums being pulled out of the freezer too?"

I'd rather not

Although for me it's the pinching rather than the temperature that gets me

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"(Side note - gynaecologists are the absolute worst for this kind of shit. In my unfortunately not limited experience)"

I think part of the problem is obstetrics and gynaecology being combined into one profession. Of course you get Consultants who specialise in more the gynaecology side of things but when they're junior doctors and choose to specialise it's both and I feel many go into it more for the glory of obstetrics. Its like that "this is going to hurt" programme. It was all about labour ward and the parts where he had to go to the gynae ward or do gynae consults in A&E were seen as begrudging or almost like a punishment to be assigned those tasks by the Consultant. I know the programme wasn't totally accurate to the book and I haven't read it so I really hope that wasn't the actual attitudes held.

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I was never in a steady enough relationship to want to have kids with anyone even my longest relationship of 8 years I knew deep down he would cut and run at some stage. I never wanted to be a single mum and over time realised I wouldn't have kids especially once I turned 40.I don't regret it though and I never felt that massive yearning that some women feel to have children at a certain point in their lives.

When I was younger I always thought I would have children and I know if I did I would have loved unconditionally but sometimes life doesn't turn out they way you think it will. And there is no point in living in the past and thinking what if.

I've had people make comments to me over the years as to why I don't have children and I've been called strange along with other names because of it. Some have even said that I'll regret it when I am old and have no one to look after me but I know if I did have children I would not expect them to do that anyhow .

Now I'm happy with my horses and dogs and have plenty of friends who have children who I can spoil and hand back at the end of the day when they get grouchy and tired so it's not all bad

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We all have or had a mother and father, whether or not they were the ones we wanted is another matter but we would not be here without them. However, whether or not one wants to become a parent is another thing and is of no one else's business. Personally I think my birthday is the day I quietly remember my parents and my life since birth. I don't need a commercially inspired mothers day / fathers day and all the stuff that goes with it. I would rather my children spend their earnings on themselves and their children as I know we all care about each other 365 days of the year and that is more than enough for me."

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"(Side note - gynaecologists are the absolute worst for this kind of shit. In my unfortunately not limited experience)

Oh it's absolutely the issue. I'm sorry that my reproductive organs are trying to murder me (twice) in circumstances where I'm not trying to procreate, but I'd like some help and not a lecture, please and thank you

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By *atnip make me purrWoman over a year ago

Reading

"Wether you don’t want them or can’t have them it’s no fuckers business and you don’t have to explain either way. I’ve been so pissed off with this constant question since my mid twenties usually from super smug earth mother types. More recently had one in the office who kept pushing me to consider fostering. You can’t tell someone you need to work with to fuck off and mind their beeswax so I just avoided her at all times. I’ve never heard anyone asking the men without children the same questions though. "

That's just so rude. I love being a mother but I totally and utterly get that it isn't for everyone.

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By *2000ManMan over a year ago

Worthing

Yes it's been queried with me also. My response is that I am close to nieces and nephews which has been enough for me. Also looked after them from when they were little. Never met anyone where I could have made that life choice.

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"Yes it's been queried with me also. My response is that I am close to nieces and nephews which has been enough for me. Also looked after them from when they were little. Never met anyone where I could have made that life choice."

Beter to be a brilliant Uncle than a shitty dad.

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By *arolandnigelMan over a year ago

Huddersfield

Its tour own choice-we dont have children simply because we are not very parental.prefer animals to be honest.I(male half) made sure at 22 that i couldnt reproduce and had the snip at a private clinic.beer,football,sex,and just a good life rather than shitty nappies,screaming kids etc

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"An alternative way to look at it is, its just as selfish to want kids as it is to not want kids.

It's selfish to want children, because you're doing it for yourself, not for the children because they don't exist yet.

I realise this is not the normal viewpoint.

That's a great viewpoint in my opinion

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"If it wasn't for us childless people who are so selfish, who would cover your time off over the school holidays?

No one has mentioned that being childless is the most greenest thing that you can ever do for the planet.

Pop that one in your pipe! haha well said

Not read through the thread yet but yes if everyone stayed childless just think how climate change would stop in a generation...

China tried to do that, by force. It didn't work. People want carrots (don't like 'em personally) not stick.

Imagine being told "If you don't have kids you can can work and never pay income tax".

There's already been married tax allowances and CT credits, so it's not that ridiculous.

Sure.. I was being tongue in cheek. If everyone stopped mating the population would clearly reduce to 0. Which would in theory make the planet very green indeed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If it wasn't for us childless people who are so selfish, who would cover your time off over the school holidays?

No one has mentioned that being childless is the most greenest thing that you can ever do for the planet.

Pop that one in your pipe!"

Bit of a judgement there. I don't take time off at Christmas. My ex has her as he has shut down. If we were together I'd probably try to get a day.

I book my holidays at beginning of year as we all have equal rights to the rota and I'm in a 18 person team.

I heard one mother scream once that people should have priority for Christmas. I said no, that's a life choice and sometimes not, there are people who can't have kids, why would they or anyone else be penalised for someone else's life choices.

Not all ppl are the same. Or so my rose tintedness would hope.

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

I used to get it a lot more when I was younger...I think most people just think I'm a lonely old spinster now, soon to be a cat lady

It's never bothered me because not having children was a personal choice. My usual response is that children are okay for doing fiddly jobs, but they're not much use for heavy labour! That usually shuts people up, especially if you say it with a serious face.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I want kids. Can’t.

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By *elsh_naturist_coupleCouple over a year ago

Newport

It's bizarre. If a man never has children nothing is said, yet people are surprised and negative towards women not wanting them. Even other women!

Makes no sense. Other than those people being stereo typical and thinking all women must want children!

Besides dogs and puppies are so much better than kids!

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"If it wasn't for us childless people who are so selfish, who would cover your time off over the school holidays?

No one has mentioned that being childless is the most greenest thing that you can ever do for the planet.

Pop that one in your pipe!

Bit of a judgement there. I don't take time off at Christmas. My ex has her as he has shut down. If we were together I'd probably try to get a day.

I book my holidays at beginning of year as we all have equal rights to the rota and I'm in a 18 person team.

Not all ppl are the same. Or so my rose tintedness would hope.

My partner's work alternates their rota so they do Christmas Eve and Boxing Day or new year's eve and new year's day every other year then it's up to individuals to swap if they want. Seems a fair way to me.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I want kids. Can’t.

I'm sorry

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I want kids. Can’t.

I'm sorry"

It’s ok I have four little angels and their dna will stay with me forever so I’m still a mum. My arms are empty but heart isn’t xx

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By *acystaceyWoman over a year ago

Ceredigion

I wanted kids but for various reasons it didn't happen for me.

It's a sensitive issue and people should think twice before asking questions, commenting or judging.

For some people no kids is their choice. For others not always.

I find myself making the point I did want them when people mention it. And then kick myself afterwards. Why should I explain something so personal? Also why do I seem to care what people think?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn’t wanna bring a kid into this free Masonic bullshit world we all have to suffer

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

Bit of a judgement there.

Not all ppl are the same. Or so my rose tintedness would hope.

Of course there is judgement, just look at the title of this thread.: it';s the judging of those who judge them without kids.

Just look at the two words are how they mean the same thing on the surface, but are polar opposites in backstory and attitude.

Childless: Sad because they don't have kids or can't have them

Child free: Happy not to have them.

Perception counts for a lot.

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"I used to get it a lot more when I was younger...I think most people just think I'm a lonely old spinster now, soon to be a cat lady

Hahaha "If I had a dirty chimney, I'd borrow one of yours"

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By * Sophie xTV/TS over a year ago

Derby

I've had allsorts of things said to me for not having kids ranging from the usual 'you'd make a great dad' through being selfish and down to I'm destroying my family tree and ruining it's lineage.

So bloody what, my brothers have had enough kids to take up the slack for me not having any.

Oh and the backlash to replying in kind for me being selfish is epic.....try telling those who say this that you're paying for their kids upbringing and they go mental

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've never had any comments about being child free, I suppose I'm lucky in that respect.

I've never wanted them, don't have a maternal bone in my body. I don't enjoy the company of children and kinda dislike teenagers in general, sorry not sorry.

Yes I'm selfish because I want to live MY life, not spend it bringing up others in this quite frankly shit world we live in. There are too many unwanted and unloved children in this world, bless them, why would I bring more into it?

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Mine are without doubt the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes they’re hard work and expensive but life is so much richer with them. The version of me without kids would have been much more selfish, unfulfilled and hedonistic.

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

For people who are happy with their choices there seems to be a lot of aggression in the thread.

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By *rNaughtyNickMan over a year ago

Birmingham

Happens all too often tend to avoid certain family get togethers with the constant nagging etc....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't have children because I miscarried many years ago and couldn't get pregnant after that. It's one of those things. Not everyone has them for a variety of reasons and we shouldn't have to explain ourselves.

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

No child in their right mind would have me

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By *aughtynottsCouple over a year ago

Outside Nottingham

People react very strangely when you say you’ve chosen not to have kids it’s like you’ve got a strange disease

hahaha

I’ve just stopped telling people.

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By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

)

It's also cropped up whilst out socialising... also with some guys I talk to on Fab with the same reaction more so as obviously due to my age Grand children too.

I don't mind explaining it was my choice, but some seem to find it weird..

Do any of you have similar experiences? or had any strange reactions?..the strangest one I had was that I was "selfish " for not having had any

I replied it would be more selfish to have them when I didn't want them."

I have the utmost respect for people who choose not to have children.

Having children to confirm to societal norms or family expectations can be disastrous.

My ex had children because his family expected it of him (had I known this I obviously wouldn’t have wanted children with him). He welcomed our son but made it very clear that he didn’t want our daughter when she came along. After years of counselling and self harm she still struggles to except that she has a right to be here and to enjoy life.

He’s not a terrible person - he should just never have had children. Being a ‘good’ parent is incredibly difficult, expensive and often heartbreaking.

In my opinion, with today’s choices, nobody should have children unless they can’t imagine life without them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

)

It's also cropped up whilst out socialising... also with some guys I talk to on Fab with the same reaction more so as obviously due to my age Grand children too.

I don't mind explaining it was my choice, but some seem to find it weird..

Do any of you have similar experiences? or had any strange reactions?..the strangest one I had was that I was "selfish " for not having had any

I replied it would be more selfish to have them when I didn't want them.

I have the utmost respect for people who choose not to have children.

Having children to confirm to societal norms or family expectations can be disastrous.

He’s not a terrible person - he should just never have had children. Being a ‘good’ parent is incredibly difficult, expensive and often heartbreaking.

In my opinion, with today’s choices, nobody should have children unless they can’t imagine life without them. "

Awee that's so sad..

(((Hugs)))

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"For people who are happy with their choices there seems to be a lot of aggression in the thread. "

Some people really like to make your life miserable for not having kids. Or try to. I was once denied medical treatment - in an emergency - because of it.

I'm delighted with my choice. Roll on menopause so it's final. What's aggravating - and yes, can bring on an aggressive response - is being told I don't know what I want, I'm inferior, I don't understand love, I'm not a complete person, etc.

No one else gets a vote on my reproduction. And if they think they do, or can insult me into having children, then they're welcome to go jump

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By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

Couldn’t agree more. You have a lot of talents though. Being a mum is probably the only thing I’m really good at - but it’s the thing that matters most to me. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And they ruin your hole so stay kid free and tight as a wistle. "

Have they ruined yours?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't have kids but always wanted them. Unfortunately mother nature has taken the option away from me now

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman over a year ago

Thurrock

Yep I get the same

It drives me mad

I actually have tokophobia, although I don't think it is a fear or pregnancy more a fear of pregnant women, it makes me feel physically sick that there is something growing in their stomach, just typing this has made me go stone cold & prickly

I've lost so many friends because I have to avoid them once they start to show but it just makes me so uncomfortable I can not physically be around them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a daughter from a past relationship which I love to bits and wouldn't change it for the world however now i wouldn't have any more kids,I feel like bringing a kid into the world we live in today wouldn't be the best thing to do. It's more selfoish to have kids than not to. However everyones entitled to choose what they want to do.

Few days back I actually came across a facebook group titled 'I regret having kids' and the comments I seen were pretty disturbing. If you should not to have them then that's fine but if you do you need to step up and be a parent,it's just the way it works.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And they ruin your hole so stay kid free and tight as a wistle. "

What an unpleasant and untrue comment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Tell them you had 16 miscarriages. That should shut them up.

People can be such knobs. I don't know why anyone would feel the need to explain their private life.

Mine isn't by choose though, just can't find anyone to stick around long enough to get me up the duff

Totally agree with this and actually no explanation other than i don't have children is needed or should be asked for.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wow, are there still people like that out there!!!.

Choice it's your life and body if yo don't want children that's fine, there's enough unwanted and abused children out there as it is

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wow, are there still people like that out there!!!.

Choice it's your life and body if yo don't want children that's fine, there's enough unwanted and abused children out there as it is "

There are there are also people out there who feel the needs to tell others that they shouldn't have children. A Friend of mine is in her late forties and has a disability, She doesn't have children but when people ask the question several times random strangers have felt the need to say something along the lines of "oh yes probably best given your disability". A as I said above no explanation is ever needed when someone says they don't have children no further questions should be asked, I just don't understand why some people feel the need.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wow, are there still people like that out there!!!.

Choice it's your life and body if yo don't want children that's fine, there's enough unwanted and abused children out there as it is

People should mind there own business

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

)

It's also cropped up whilst out socialising... also with some guys I talk to on Fab with the same reaction more so as obviously due to my age Grand children too.

I don't mind explaining it was my choice, but some seem to find it weird..

Do any of you have similar experiences? or had any strange reactions?..the strangest one I had was that I was "selfish " for not having had any

I replied it would be more selfish to have them when I didn't want them."

It’s not compulsory to have children, and I do think that some people have children because they think it is expected of them, it’s what they’re supposed to do etc.

One of my neighbours has a load of kids and nags the shit out of them that she wants more and more grandchildren. I find that really odd, not letting her children decide for themselves.

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

"It's bizarre. If a man never has children nothing is said, yet people are surprised and negative towards women not wanting them. Even other women!

Makes no sense. Other than those people being stereo typical and thinking all women must want children!

Besides dogs and puppies are so much better than kids!"

Not true. As a man, I have been asked many times about not having kids.

I have one particular brother in law who has asked about a dozen times over the years. Last time I told him that if he asks one more then then he is no longer welcome in our house.

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By *hesblokeMan over a year ago

Derbyshire village

It's unusual I guess but I wouldn't make a big thing about it, and questioning someone else's choice about something like that is dodgy ground to say the least

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

I was at a dinner party where a few couples were banging on endlessly about their kids. At the end of the meal, one of the ladies came over to me to “apologise”, with lines like “you must have felt so embarrassed, as you don’t have children”.

No. Not really. I don’t feel like I’m some sort of failure because i don’t have kids.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This kinda conversation from family or strangers really twists my tits. “Oh you’ll want some eventually” nah give me 10 badly behaved dogs before I bring a child into what’s left of this world

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple over a year ago

chester

I struggle to ask people if they have children. I know very well that they don’t come easily & would hate to have to explain my situation. I do have one & am extremely lucky but never judge anyone or question if they don’t have any

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

"I struggle to ask people if they have children. I know very well that they don’t come easily & would hate to have to explain my situation. I do have one & am extremely lucky but never judge anyone or question if they don’t have any

I have been questioned, pitied, told I’m wrong, told I should have kids etc, and subjected to condescending sneers.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"I was at a dinner party where a few couples were banging on endlessly about their kids. At the end of the meal, one of the ladies came over to me to “apologise”, with lines like “you must have felt so embarrassed, as you don’t have children”.

No. Not really. I don’t feel like I’m some sort of failure because i don’t have kids. "

I've witnessed many friends becoming parents and they seem to go one way or the other. It either becomes everything they talk about and their entire identity or they stay who they always were plus being a parent. I've had some friendships drift apart because of having nothing in common anymore because I'm not a parent and they seem to have become nothing but a parent. I totally understand that your children are of course a massive part of your life and I'm more than happy to talk about them but there's often not a lot I can say in response. My best friend is a parent now and her little girl is lovely and of course she talks about her but she also talks about her husband, her dog, work, her friends, her family, all sorts of other subjects.

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