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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was attempting to briefly explain my situation but but christ did I go on. So I'll just ask 2 questions
Can an individual, whom could be described as a gaslighter, look within themselves and recognise that they are?
And
Is it common for said individual to accuse their target of being a gaslighter? |
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"I was attempting to briefly explain my situation but but christ did I go on. So I'll just ask 2 questions
Can an individual, whom could be described as a gaslighter, look within themselves and recognise that they are?
And
Is it common for said individual to accuse their target of being a gaslighter?"
No and yes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dunno. I think it is possible for someone to reflect and think they may have been gaslighting.
It doesn't have to be that someone sets out to do it and makes a plan. |
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"I works agree with the others who said no and yes, but I think very rarely people can change that kind of behaviour "
Yes, I agree they can change but only because someone has told them what they are doing, it won't be completely off their own back |
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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago
A world all of his own |
"I was attempting to briefly explain my situation but but christ did I go on. So I'll just ask 2 questions
Can an individual, whom could be described as a gaslighter, look within themselves and recognise that they are?
And
Is it common for said individual to accuse their target of being a gaslighter?"
Potentially, but unlikely and yes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That's what I was thinking, no and yes. My problem is I can't cut her out of my life because of children. I didn't even know what it was until she accused me of being one, which is also a problem because I concluded, after looking into it (I was horrified of the possibility), that I wouldn't see it in myself anyway. She keeps accusing me of it when I close down a conversation because she's attacking me. How the hell do you deal with them? |
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"That's what I was thinking, no and yes. My problem is I can't cut her out of my life because of children. I didn't even know what it was until she accused me of being one, which is also a problem because I concluded, after looking into it (I was horrified of the possibility), that I wouldn't see it in myself anyway. She keeps accusing me of it when I close down a conversation because she's attacking me. How the hell do you deal with them?"
I had no idea what one was until the ex called me one.
I did the same, had a Google. I don't see me as one, I've got non of those traits.
My ex is a self centred narcissist and didn't like that I left her so she tried to twist things around and blame me. Her coping mechanism I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That's what I was thinking, no and yes. My problem is I can't cut her out of my life because of children. I didn't even know what it was until she accused me of being one, which is also a problem because I concluded, after looking into it (I was horrified of the possibility), that I wouldn't see it in myself anyway. She keeps accusing me of it when I close down a conversation because she's attacking me. How the hell do you deal with them?
I had no idea what one was until the ex called me one.
I did the same, had a Google. I don't see me as one, I've got non of those traits.
My ex is a self centred narcissist and didn't like that I left her so she tried to twist things around and blame me. Her coping mechanism I guess."
She changed the narrative of our split from me leaving to us deciding. I don’t say anything because, like you said, it's part of her coping mechanisms. |
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I definitely think they know they're doing it. Whether they recognise it specifically as gaslighting or not probably depends but I believe its absolutely a deliberate behaviour. I don't think recognising it is necessarily useful though as it is with other people who recognise harmful behaviour in themselves. They find ways to justify why they do it.
For the second question though it's definitely common for abusive people to acuse the person they abuse of the behaviour and traits that they exhibit themselves. Sometimes it's further gaslighting so you question whether you yourself are the toxic one. Sometimes it's projection as a coping mechanism. Sometimes it's a form of self hatred. They project their own negative traits onto another and abuse them for it because they really hate those things about themselves. |
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Is this a relatively new term or has it been around for years? I know I am getting on a bit (an old bastard) but we appear to be generating all sorts of new terms for behaviour that has been round since year dot. What the fuck is gas lighting? |
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"Is this a relatively new term or has it been around for years? I know I am getting on a bit (an old bastard) but we appear to be generating all sorts of new terms for behaviour that has been round since year dot. What the fuck is gas lighting?"
It is a relatively new term, or at least I believe it is.
It's coercive control, making people question things, denying things happened or completely changing the way things have happened. |
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"Is this a relatively new term or has it been around for years? I know I am getting on a bit (an old bastard) but we appear to be generating all sorts of new terms for behaviour that has been round since year dot. What the fuck is gas lighting?"
It's quite an old term. I think it's from a film in the 40s.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where someone makes a person question their own judgement or perception of reality. For example by being annoyed at you for "forgetting" something they never actually told you, convincing someone that others don't like them, convincing someone's friends and family that they're mentally unstable when they aren't, always insisting that your reactions to their behaviour is unreasonable or an overreaction, etc. |
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