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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wrote out “I’d rather not know than know and it hurt me”, but I’ve changed my mind. I’d rather know and it hurt me then I can move on/cut whatever I was doing if that makes sense.
I’d rather make my own choice and deal with it also
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Tell me ..let me make my own decisions .. or withhold it from me and don't hold me responsible for my actions when it's discovered . Lies are never good . Never . "
What if it was withheld to protect you? |
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Depends totally on the situation, is there potential to learn, grow or move on with the information?
My kids do not know their father sexually assaulted me, and neither will they as it stands at the moment. I can not see any benefit to them knowing why we split up.
There are many things I wish I didn't know, because they haven't given me any closure just a bigger can of worms to deal with. None of which can ever be resolved, just my own acceptance of the situation. And that is a complex situation someone else decided to put me in, giving a sense of lack of control. |
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"Tell me ..let me make my own decisions .. or withhold it from me and don't hold me responsible for my actions when it's discovered . Lies are never good . Never .
What if it was withheld to protect you?"
.I want the power to shape and control my own destiny .to do that I'd need all the information . Witholding that information under the pretext of " protecting me " would never work for me ... I'd hate you for not informing me . Even if you'd cheated . Tell me . I'll make my own decision |
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It depends why it was withheld from you…
Was it a lie….
Was it a misunderstanding…
Was it to protect you….
Was it because the person hiding it knows what the reaction of reveal would create….
Was it because the person withholding is being controlled…
There could be any number of reasons and solutions
Doesn’t this sort of thing often revolve around insecurity? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve always said I’d rather know, but I had an ex call me 15+ years after our break up to confess he’d been unfaithful while we were together - that was definitely something I didn’t need to know after all that time!  |
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Depends on the situation.
If not knowing is making me look ridiculous (e.g. the boyfriend I'm all over Facebook calling the best guy ever, my soulmate and the love of my life is fucking everything in a 20 mile radius) then I'd rather know and deal with it - if I find out further down the line I'll have to deal with the original pain and the humiliation of how ridiculous I've looked.
If it's something where not knowing doesn't have that humiliation element (e.g. great great aunty gert who I've not seen in years after a family falling-out has died and now I'll never be able to make my peace with her) then I'd rather not know. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It depends why it was withheld from you…
Was it a lie….
Was it a misunderstanding…
Was it to protect you….
Was it because the person hiding it knows what the reaction of reveal would create….
Was it because the person withholding is being controlled…
There could be any number of reasons and solutions
Doesn’t this sort of thing often revolve around insecurity? "
Insecurities from which side? |
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