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By *igTee OP Man
over a year ago
Bradford |
Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten pound's and the thick ones went for twenty pound's."
Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife : "Those they gave away."
Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went
for a thousand pound's, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husband : "That's where they held the auction." |
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By *igTee OP Man
over a year ago
Bradford |
My neighbour knocked on my door today and said,
"I've just come back from holiday and everything in my bedside drawer has disappeared.
There's no sign of a break in and you're the only person with a spare key."
"So you automatically think it was me?" I asked.
"Yes." she replied, "I know it was you."
"And what makes you so sure?"
"You're holding my fucking dildo!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten pound's and the thick ones went for twenty pound's."
Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife : "Those they gave away."
Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went
for a thousand pound's, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husband : "That's where they held the auction.""
It gets a 6/10. Here's one - Dracula walks into a bar and asks for hot water. On handing him a cup, Dracula pulls out a tampon and dunks it in. Shocked the barman asks what he's doing? To which Dracula responds, "making tea!"... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What's brown and sticky?
A stick! 
Sorry, it always tickles me
Lol the simple ones are the best lol x"
They are indeed!
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea ! Never fails to amuse me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Two women talking together, one says to the other, "Does your cunt sweat after sex?" the other says, "No he usually turns over and goes to sleep."
Wolf
"
LMFAO!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My wife being the romantic sort, just sent me a text.............
If you are sleeping ......send me your dreams
If you are laughing .....send me your smile
If you are eating ..........send me a bite
If you are drinking ......send me a sip
If you are crying ...........send me your tears
I love you x
I replied........I am having a shit.What should I do? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two cows in a field one said "mooo"....the other said u fucker that's what I was about to say...
Why can't miss piggy count to 100?
Everytime she getss to 69 she gets a frog in her throat..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten pound's and the thick ones went for twenty pound's."
Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife : "Those they gave away."
Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went
for a thousand pound's, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husband : "That's where they held the auction.""
A bear was taking a shit in the woods just when a rabbit was hopping by. "Hey, do you have the problem of shit sticking to your fur?" asks the bear. "No" replies the rabbit, so the bear grabs him and wipes his ass! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What's brown and sticky?
A stick!
Sorry, it always tickles me
Lol the simple ones are the best lol x
They are indeed!
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea ! Never fails to amuse me "
What lies at the bottom of the sea and trembles......
A nervous wreck..... |
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By *igTee OP Man
over a year ago
Bradford |
I saw a homeless man sleeping inside a big cardboard box outside the train station this morning.
Not wanting to disturb him, I crept over and put a Starbucks coffee cup on top of his box.
He immediately woke up and said, "Thank you."
"No problem." I smiled.
He looked at me again and said, "It's empty."
I said, "I know, it's meant to be a chimney." |
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