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What’s happening near you (local updates )
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Honestly some of the ridiculous updates make me laugh 
One profile
“I’m back but not meeting till September “
Is it just me that thinks ….
Wanna be celebrity or something
“Who the fuck cares  ”
You’re not a celebrity
Another one ….
“Anyone want my cock inside them ? “ 
Honestly does this actually work ? 
Tell me what shenanigans are your local nutters posting the funnier the better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Somebody wondering why there isn’t a dislike button for pics.
Like, how harsh would that be?!
Another talking about how sore his wife is after a visit to a club.
Lovely …  |
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"Somebody wondering why there isn’t a dislike button for pics.
Like, how harsh would that be?!
Another talking about how sore his wife is after a visit to a club.
Lovely … "
Does he not live with his wife ?
Or can’t he text her and ask her ?
Yes the dislike button would be awful might teach the poster of that status a few things about themselves though 
#hometruthhurt
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"'who wants fuck gf in front of me bring sniff'
Sadly missed this last night 
Is “sniff urban slang for vix vapour rub ?
Yes, I believe it extends to tiger balm as well. "
I’m down with the kids this hip hop urban language 
|
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"Absolutely duck all
BBC as usual
She obviously went black once
And she’s never looked back since
Probably in Essex though path of the coarse lol "
Is joey not out giving the ladies of Essex a reem time ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Absolutely duck all
BBC as usual
She obviously went black once
And she’s never looked back since
Probably in Essex though path of the coarse lol
Is joey not out giving the ladies of Essex a reem time ? "
Naaaa
Neither is Gemma Collins |
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"Absolutely duck all
BBC as usual
She obviously went black once
And she’s never looked back since
Probably in Essex though path of the coarse lol
Is joey not out giving the ladies of Essex a reem time ?
Naaaa
Neither is Gemma Collins "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Lots of men strangling their dicks, lots of guys updating us on their whereabouts and work patterns so that the ladies know where and when they can be available, some bum holes and spread cheeks and lots of complaining about “rude women who don’t reply” and “too many fakes” (aka ladies who don’t want to meet them). |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
Someone knows where the clowns are, using a parody of a song.
Another is looking for guys to go and strip for them. Oh fek no, not in that area of town. Sugar has been stolen out of cups of tea down there.
And believe it or not someone can't show their boaby as she is a woman. |
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"Lots of men strangling their dicks, lots of guys updating us on their whereabouts and work patterns so that the ladies know where and when they can be available, some bum holes and spread cheeks and lots of complaining about “rude women who don’t reply” and “too many fakes” (aka ladies who don’t want to meet them). "
How dare they not meet these charmers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"God guys can be so bitchy sometimes
I’ve just read your profile
“Don’t judge “
Sorry I’ve judged
I’ll not give you the verdict "
You certainly got triggered little man! |
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"For the message sent into my inbox - people seriously need to lighten up!!"
For telling me my reply was as you’d triggered something …
I was just politely telling you what I thought your wife deserves much better |
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"God guys can be so bitchy sometimes
I’ve just read your profile
“Don’t judge “
Sorry I’ve judged
I’ll not give you the verdict
You certainly got triggered little man!"
You have indeed big man
My frustration with being called a bitch
Have a cracking weekend |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
"Ooh I’ll just switch mine in and have a look…"
Oooh surprisingly only two penis pictures, a lot of face pictures and meet requests…99% of both are single guys.
Did someone send out a memo to single men to stop using dick pictures?! What a refreshing local up date list for a change  |
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There’s been an update someone’s wife hasn’t had another man’s cock for a while …so wants him to find one for her …
To apply you have to send a face and dick picture or you’ll be blocked
Put my application in without the pictures wonder how I’ll get on
I’ll keep my eyes crossed and hope for the best |
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"Funniest one I've seen for a while, a guy who says "if you've been jabbed I'm not interested". Does he think you can catch something from someone who has had a covid injection?
D"
Just doesn’t want to be with anyone that’s had a little prick |
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"Apparently a sugar daddy/pay pig who’s looking to spoil.
A few people who are out tonight.
Lots of people looking to meet and can accommodate now. "
Haha I thought you wrote sugar daddy pepper pig daddy pigs doing well for himself |
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"Some guys at the Bingo Hall waiting for cock if you're interested "
Gala bingo should have a fetish night
They’d make some right dollar selling penis shaped sappers it would also make bingo a lot more interesting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Today selection include...
A man using a woman's profile, and another using insta pics
A guy offering his wife's ass for fucking
And a casual insult apparently its no wonder that some of us don't add face pics since we look like 'chewed toffee..
Make of that what you will... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Today selection include...
A man using a woman's profile, and another using insta pics
A guy offering his wife's ass for fucking
And a casual insult apparently its no wonder that some of us don't add face pics since we look like 'chewed toffee..
Make of that what you will... "
Hahaha chewed toffee |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Guy offering to meet at the local woods so he can cum on her tots.
I had my shoes on ready to go, then I realised i made an error. I sadly didn’t have any tots.
Shame, he sounded lovely too"
Could you get some tots from Tesco? |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Guy offering to meet at the local woods so he can cum on her tots.
I had my shoes on ready to go, then I realised i made an error. I sadly didn’t have any tots.
Shame, he sounded lovely too
Could you get some tots from Tesco? "
Jelly tots? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Guy offering to meet at the local woods so he can cum on her tots.
I had my shoes on ready to go, then I realised i made an error. I sadly didn’t have any tots.
Shame, he sounded lovely too
Could you get some tots from Tesco?
Jelly tots?"
I love those |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Guy offering to meet at the local woods so he can cum on her tots.
I had my shoes on ready to go, then I realised i made an error. I sadly didn’t have any tots.
Shame, he sounded lovely too
Could you get some tots from Tesco?
Jelly tots?
I love those "
What about Tooty Frootys? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Guy offering to meet at the local woods so he can cum on her tots.
I had my shoes on ready to go, then I realised i made an error. I sadly didn’t have any tots.
Shame, he sounded lovely too
Could you get some tots from Tesco?
Jelly tots?
I love those
What about Tooty Frootys?"
Hmm. Not so much. I had some giant shrimps and bananas yesterdays. Yum. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Guy offering to meet at the local woods so he can cum on her tots.
I had my shoes on ready to go, then I realised i made an error. I sadly didn’t have any tots.
Shame, he sounded lovely too
Could you get some tots from Tesco?
Jelly tots?
I love those
What about Tooty Frootys?
Hmm. Not so much. I had some giant shrimps and bananas yesterdays. Yum."
Foam ones are ace. Always get them in the pick and mix |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Guy offering to meet at the local woods so he can cum on her tots.
I had my shoes on ready to go, then I realised i made an error. I sadly didn’t have any tots.
Shame, he sounded lovely too
Could you get some tots from Tesco?
Jelly tots?
I love those
What about Tooty Frootys?
Hmm. Not so much. I had some giant shrimps and bananas yesterdays. Yum.
Foam ones are ace. Always get them in the pick and mix"
I've loved foam bananas all my life!! |
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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago
Pleasuretown |
"Honestly some of the ridiculous updates make me laugh
One profile
“I’m back but not meeting till September “
Is it just me that thinks ….
Wanna be celebrity or something
“Who the fuck cares ”
You’re not a celebrity
Another one ….
“Anyone want my cock inside them ? “
Honestly does this actually work ?
Tell me what shenanigans are your local nutters posting the funnier the better "
I think they act as a good filter as to who not to meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Someone is going to take their RV out for a "drive". I wonder if it is a code for something else!
YES - dogging!!
But they didn't mention taking any pets with them.  "
No but they're after  |
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"Today selection include...
A man using a woman's profile, and another using insta pics
A guy offering his wife's ass for fucking
And a casual insult apparently its no wonder that some of us don't add face pics since we look like 'chewed toffee..
Make of that what you will... "
Chewed toffee
Is that all that bad
I’d say more like “ a bulldog chewing a wasp “ |
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"Lots of people with hangover horn today
My locals are all pissheads and have hangover horn also "
I once went for a night out in Barnsley ( I'm originally from Sheffield). We went in one pub, and a couple were shagging behind a curtain. All good, until the condom flew through the air and landed in my mates pint.
On same day invited by a woman back to her house in Athersley. When I enquired about the boyfriend sat beside her, she said he'd wait outside. I miss the 90s |
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"Lots of people with hangover horn today
My locals are all pissheads and have hangover horn also
I once went for a night out in Barnsley ( I'm originally from Sheffield). We went in one pub, and a couple were shagging behind a curtain. All good, until the condom flew through the air and landed in my mates pint.
On same day invited by a woman back to her house in Athersley. When I enquired about the boyfriend sat beside her, she said he'd wait outside. I miss the 90s "
Hmm ok |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There’s a guy who writes the names of the guy’s he’s met on his cock
Bob
Rob
Tom
Tim ….
Or are there big names as well ?
Cornelius?
In marker pen? "
Yeah but not permanent |
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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago
Pleasuretown |
"There’s a guy who writes the names of the guy’s he’s met on his cock
Bob
Rob
Tom
Tim ….
Or are there big names as well ?
Cornelius?
In marker pen? "
Was trying to think of the longest name I could |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
People looking for dick.
People looking for vag.
Somebody offering a double BJ.
Somebody pole dancing.
Some moaning, some bragging, some attention seeking.
Pretty standard Sunday. |
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"People looking for dick.
People looking for vag.
Somebody offering a double BJ.
Somebody pole dancing.
Some moaning, some bragging, some attention seeking.
Pretty standard Sunday."
Same shit different day ey |
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"Latest
“ Would anybody be interested i fucking j in the car while I film it”
No pictures of j
Is j real "
Oh and “ Just to let people know mr******** have Gonorrhea and they are not letting people know
Get me outta heeeeeeerrrrrreeeeeeeeeee
Back to the studio |
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By *for2Man
over a year ago
Bristol |
"'who wants fuck gf in front of me bring sniff'
Sadly missed this last night
Is “sniff urban slang for vix vapour rub ?
Yes, I believe it extends to tiger balm as well. "
Love tiger balm, great cure for headaches. But geez I wouldn't suggest it for fucking his gf. Could bring whole new meaning to being a screamer |
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"'who wants fuck gf in front of me bring sniff'
Sadly missed this last night
Is “sniff urban slang for vix vapour rub ?
Yes, I believe it extends to tiger balm as well.
Love tiger balm, great cure for headaches. But geez I wouldn't suggest it for fucking his gf. Could bring whole new meaning to being a screamer "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
• Someone got a new toy in the post, I hope it’s a nerf gun
• Some gynaecology photos
• “You can always tell when someone is proud of their dick” I hope that’s about me
• Someone was reduced to a trembling orgasm, twice
• and most importantly, BOOBS! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not an update but I have just been approached by a man who joined a few hours ago, no pictures or anything else much, who wanted me to go meet him just so he could wank over me! Does this happen to anyone else?
I don't imagine that real women would find the idea terribly exciting either, although I suppose there will always be someone. Am I doing something wrong? I am all in favour of safe sex but watching long range masturbation seems pretty pointless! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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- Someone looks like they might be getting covered in cum later
- Someone already has their feet covered in cum. (Hopefully they’re not out shopping)
- Someone seems to want a meet, based on barely decipherable text abbreviations, with someone who has a cock and a face. I think.
It’s all go here |
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Mainly...Throbbing/Have a sack full/Ready to spurt/Anyone fancy some Ferry sex/ or I'm a panda and i don't know it types of updates !! and of course...Who wants a facefull ?? or going to the local car park ?? |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
There is someone sending out a kiss because they are going to work. FFS get a grip.
Someone looked at me, a female And a couple, who feels like the dogs bollocks now.
Then there is a lady and a gentleman who are looking to go out at the weekend. I think they must have a very advanced vehicle as they want to go to a place where cars can park but it is up in the sky. Some sort of custard is being mentioned. It must be something French as it seems to be a pie of sorts. But the person or persons involved my have rather large courgettes. |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
"There is a young lady trying out a new face moisturiser. She has just squeezed it out of a rather large winkie.
.....looks on Nivea bottle for ingredients "
It isn't just as brilliant white. |
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"There is a young lady trying out a new face moisturiser. She has just squeezed it out of a rather large winkie.
.....looks on Nivea bottle for ingredients
It isn't just as brilliant white. "
It's not something I'd considered |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They're all horny as fuck or delusional, but temporarily incapacitated owing to a power cut that even indirectly brought mobile internet to its knees. They must be climbing the walls ....
IS |
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I've noticed a distinct increase in the number of "Male half available to meet alone" statuses in the last few weeks.
My immediate suspicion is that people have broken up, and the bloke is continuing to use the couples account.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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• Some lad looking to change from couples profile to single since his wife is no longer interested
• someone looking for someone in town, not sure why, no other explain given
• someone giving out their P4yp4l… not sure why
• Bi couple in Arbroath saying they can’t accom
• “Pussy is juicy”
• and someone hungry for a proper fuck.. I didn’t know they were edible |
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