FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Jokes please
Jokes please
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Cheer me up with your best (worst) dad jokes please. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Scientists are studying the effect of
cannabis on sea birds.
They've left no tern unstoned. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar.
I'm completely dismayed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yesterday a clown held a door open for me.
I thought it was a nice jester. |
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I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She said she was a masochist.
I told her that I was a sadist.
She said, "Hurt me."
I said, "NO." |
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Do you ever get that when you’re half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, ‘I’m not as hungry as I thought I was? |
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By *ev257Man
over a year ago
cardiff |
Viagra, it may not make you James Bond, but it will make you Roger Moore.
Boom boom |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So I went in to the bank to meet the new bank manager yesterday, she told me her name was Rebecca but everyone calls me becks,
I said my names Andy but you can all me dick,
She replied how do you get dick from Andy I said you ask nicely |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Viagra, it may not make you James Bond, but it will make you Roger Moore.
Boom boom"
My grandfather is addicted to viagra, no one is taking it harder then my grandmother. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Viagra, it may not make you James Bond, but it will make you Roger Moore.
Boom boom
My grandfather is addicted to viagra, no one is taking it harder then my grandmother."
I just learned the medical name for Viagra.
Mycoxaflopin. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball."
Not all guys play golf lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a movie coming out soon about hillbillies.
I can't wait to see the trailer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees ?
Because they’re so good at it
Where are average things made?
In a satis-factory |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My dad was born a conjoined twin, but separated at birth
So I have an uncle, once removed. |
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What did Yoda say when he saw Luke struggling to eat noodles? Use the forks Luke!
What did Yoda said to Princess Lea after separating with Han Solo...
May the divorce be with you....
This whole time yoda has never revealed his last name. but I just found out
Layheehoo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What did Yoda say when he saw Luke struggling to eat noodles? Use the forks Luke!
What did Yoda said to Princess Lea after separating with Han Solo...
May the divorce be with you....
This whole time yoda has never revealed his last name. but I just found out
Layheehoo"
What did yoda say when he saw star wars broadcast in 4K for the first time ?
HDMI |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Bigfoot is sometimes confused with
Sasquatch.
Yeti never complains. |
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What has six legs. Six pockets and 15 red balls and if it fell out of a tree could kill you..
A snooker table. |
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
I stumble and Eiffel over in Paris  |
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By *ev257Man
over a year ago
cardiff |
How does Bob Marley like his donuts???
With jamming
Boom boom |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stevie Wonder’s daughter is gorgeous, have you seen her?
Neither has he. |
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Marti Pellow has been diagnosed with arthritis.
He told reporters ‘I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes’  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Marti Pellow has been diagnosed with arthritis.
He told reporters ‘I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes’ "
Have you been saving that since ‘94? |
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"Marti Pellow has been diagnosed with arthritis.
He told reporters ‘I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes’
Have you been saving that since ‘94?"
Probably even earlier  |
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What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep???
A woolly jumper!!
Boom boom |
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Man asks his wife "Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time"
Wife says "out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis"
Winston
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Somebody said my dad's gay.
And I'm now trying to work out which one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Viagra, it may not make you James Bond, but it will make you Roger Moore.
Boom boom
My grandfather is addicted to viagra, no one is taking it harder then my grandmother.
I just learned the medical name for Viagra.
Mycoxaflopin."
Though it was Stopsmycoxaflopin? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How do you know if an elephant's been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter. |
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Q: What do you get if you cross the films “My Left Foot” and “Free Willy”?
A: “My Free Foot Willy” |
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He sometimes struggles finding golf balls too  |
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought it have fun taking up whipping, necrophilia and bestiality, but to be honest I'm just flogging a dead horse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Red Indian Brave says to his Squaw "Whats wrong Deep cave" Deep Cave replies. " Oh Nothing Little Arrow " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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“Did you hear about the girl that attracts all the squirrels” said Dave,George Replies”Yes shes nuts” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two Midgets wanted a baby. They went to their doctor. Who said they could have one. And would they like a baby boy or a girl. The midgets replied , they didnt mind as long as it fitted inside a cannon. |
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In an argument with my wife she accused me of hating all her family..
I said that’s simply not true , in fact I like your mother in law a lot better than I like mine. |
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How did Fats Domino die?
He collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member who collapsed onto another family member.......
Winston |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My favourite childhood memory is building sand castles with my grandfather
Until my mother took the urn from me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What's black and plastic and sails the seven seas????....bin bag the sailor. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My wife is super upset at our neighbour who happens to enjoy suntanning in her backyard naked.
Personally though, I'm on the fence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife is super upset at our neighbour who happens to enjoy suntanning in her backyard naked.
Personally though, I'm on the fence."
I would be too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My favourite childhood memory is building sand castles with my grandfather
Until my mother took the urn from me"
OMG I feel bad laughing at that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My favourite childhood memory is building sand castles with my grandfather
Until my mother took the urn from me
OMG I feel bad laughing at that "
Me too
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By *educedWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
Did you know, that if you shake imaginary salt from an imaginary salt shaker on your tongue, you can actually taste salt? |
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[Removed by poster at 20/03/22 08:49:12] |
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"Did you know, that if you shake imaginary salt from an imaginary salt shaker on your tongue, you can actually taste salt? "
I wonder how many are trying that now! |
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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe |
My favourite sex position is called "WOW".
It's where I flip your mom over. |
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What do you call a Malaysian dwarf?
A Kuala oompah Lumpur
(No racism or sizeism intended) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you get if you cross a sex toy with a south American rodent?
An Armadildo |
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They call me Jigsaw.
Because you've got to be bored to do me......
Winston |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you've got a massive green ball in one hand and another massive green ball in the other - what have you got? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't fuck with a stupid dwarf
It ain't big and it ain't clever |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you've got a massive green ball in one hand and another massive green ball in the other - what have you got?"
The undivided attention of the jolly green giant 
Even less funny when you have to quote yourself to do the punchline  |
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A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it.
Winston |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you've got a massive green ball in one hand and another massive green ball in the other - what have you got?
The undivided attention of the jolly green giant
Even less funny when you have to quote yourself to do the punchline "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you've got a massive green ball in one hand and another massive green ball in the other - what have you got?
The undivided attention of the jolly green giant
Even less funny when you have to quote yourself to do the punchline
"
That comment was funnier than the joke |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you've got a massive green ball in one hand and another massive green ball in the other - what have you got?
The undivided attention of the jolly green giant
Even less funny when you have to quote yourself to do the punchline
That comment was funnier than the joke "
Which isn't really all that difficult as its a really sh!t joke |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 10 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend?
Meet Patty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it.
Winston"
Yeah you say that, but I've got a rubbish thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, but it's also terrible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?
Patient: I can’t say I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s one of them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?
Patient: I can’t say I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s one of them."
Haha! I just saw that one too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?
Patient: I can’t say I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s one of them.
Haha! I just saw that one too "
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I keep randomly shouting cauliflower and broccoli.
I think I've got florets.
Winston |
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I cried when my dad cut onions up, .. Onions was a good dog |
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By *ryan...Man
over a year ago
1950's Original |
I got a letter today amazingly meant for Vladimir Putin....
well, it was addressed to
" the occupier" |
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By *arkietwoCouple
over a year ago
Travel All Over |
My lesbian neighbours just brought round a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch
Mike |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I cried when my dad cut onions up, .. Onions was a good dog "
I feel really bad for laughing |
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Doctor Doctor I think I'm a pair of curtains.
Pull yourself together man. |
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What does ‘idk’ stand for?
I’ve asked lots of people but no one seems to know! |
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What’s the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why didn't the lifeguard save rhe drowning hippy?
Because they were too far out man |
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Guy goes on holiday to Bali..after a couples of days texted his mate back home saying...weather here is just like your mam...40 and hot
Mate texted back weather here just like your sister 18 and wet |
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By *andC84Couple
over a year ago
Preston |
I’ve been told camouflaged is sexy….
I just don’t see it. |
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By *andC84Couple
over a year ago
Preston |
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick….
She still isn’t talking to me. |
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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe |
I got a dishwasher for the ex.
It was a fair swap! |
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What's the difference between a dog and a fox ?
About 5 pints. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Man takes his laptop back to the shop
"Everytime i start it up it starts singing"
"What do you expect sir, it's a dell" |
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Did you hear about the man who drowned in his muesli?
He was pulled under by a strong currant. |
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My big fat parrot died yesterday
It a weight of my shoulder |
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If he doesn't appreciate your fruit jokes then you need to let the mango |
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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago
A world all of his own |
Have you heard the news about the explosion in the French cheese factory? There's de brie everywhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The man who invented auto correct has died. His funfair will be next monkey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hurt my leg the other day tripping over a new born cow...don't worry though, it was just a small calf injury |
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Why did the condom run away ?
It was pissed off. |
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By *rSmith9Man
over a year ago
Norwich/London |
Two aerials were getting married, the ceremony was ok but the reception was excellent! |
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Don't make jokes about suicide .. you'll get too much (Caroline) Flak for it . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The man who invented auto correct has died. His funfair will be next monkey"
Hope he burns in hello |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My teacher told me I would never be good at poetry because of my dyslexia.
But so far I’ve made 3 vases and a jug. |
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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a Licksalotopus |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What kind.of cheese do you use to hide a small horse
Mascarpone
What kind of cheese do you use to entice a grizzly out of hibernation
Camembert
Did you hear the rumour that a new IVF is now beleieved to be 100% successful for all couples.
Its a misconception |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.
Your vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years. |
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What has 5 toes and is not your foot.
My foot |
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Bought my wife a fridge for her birthday.
Cant wait to see her face light up when she opens it. |
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"What kind.of cheese do you use to hide a small horse
Mascarpone
What kind of cheese do you use to entice a grizzly out of hibernation
Camembert
Did you hear the rumour that a new IVF is now beleieved to be 100% successful for all couples.
Its a misconception"
Did you hear about the explosion in the French cheese factory that destroyed it?
No one was hurt, but de Brie was everywhere |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bought my wife a fridge for her birthday.
Cant wait to see her face light up when she opens it."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick.
She still isn’t talking to me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My teacher told me I would never be good at poetry because of my dyslexia.
But so far I’ve made 3 vases and a jug."
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What’s the difference between pink and purple?
The grip |
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By *UFSWoman
over a year ago
belfast |
The mother-in-law, comes home and finds her son-in-law furious and packing his
suitcase.
"What happened?"
"What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife saying
that I was coming home from my trip today.
"I got home and guess what I found? My wife, yes, my Rachel, with a naked guy
in our marital bed! This is the end of our marriage, I will leave forever!"
"Calm down!" says mother-in-law. "There is something odd about this story.
Rachel would never do such a thing! Wait a minute while I check what happened."
Moments later, mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "You see, I said there
must be a simple explanation ... Rachel didn't receive your Email." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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97% of people are stupid.
Thank God I'm in the other 5%. |
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There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those that understand binary, and those that don't. |
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"What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball."
Guy ca n find golf ball bt not g spot |
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By *for2Man
over a year ago
Bristol |
A father booking in to a hotel with his family tells the receptionist "I want the porn to be disabled". The receptionist says: "It's just normal porn you pervert". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What’s the difference between pink and purple?
The grip"
What's the difference between purple and blue?
Remembering the safe word. |
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By *trideMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
The blond said to her doctor “My pussy hurts when I go out in the rain”.
He examined her and found nothing wrong. “Come back when it’s raining.” He said.
So she did, and he cut two inches off the tops of her wellington boots.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I went to an REM concert back in '92. They're my favourite band so I wanted my photo taken with them.
That's me in the corner. |
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By *trideMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
Her face was really wrinkled until I took her bra off! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why do ghosts like taking the elevator?
Because it lifts their spirits |
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A ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying blue paint. Both crews are said to be marooned. |
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If I ever meet the bloke who invented the USB I'm going to punch him in the face.
Then turn my fist over and punch him again.
Winston |
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A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a pint and a mop. |
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Why should you never wear nuclear underwear?
Chernobyl fall out
What did the Big Boy Atomic Bomb say to the Nuclear Bomb when they met?
Nuke, I am your father. |
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I'm sick of the antagonising from this russian dictator
It's time he got Putin his place . |
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By *akie32Man
over a year ago
winchester |
"If I ever meet the bloke who invented the USB I'm going to punch him in the face.
Then turn my fist over and punch him again.
Winston"
this diserves a repost |
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By *UFSWoman
over a year ago
belfast |
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their Daughter's' date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be
when he grows older?"
The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our future son-in-law." |
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By *omer47Man
over a year ago
leigh |
Little boy says to his mum "I know where god lives ",do you she replied, yes mum he lives next door because I always hear mrs Jones at night shouting oh god oh god yes yes. |
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"Don't make jokes about suicide .. you'll get too much (Caroline) Flak for it . "
I like a joke but this is just wrong. |
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By *innocentMan
over a year ago
Littlehampton |
Went to the opticians and was diagnosed with colour blindness.
Feeling very sad now ,that news come straight out of the purple  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What does a woman do with her asshole before sex?
Drops him off at the golf club. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't make jokes about suicide .. you'll get too much (Caroline) Flak for it .
I like a joke but this is just wrong. "
 |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
What is all the fuss about wasting electricity?
I’ve got plenty of it coming out of every socket in my house, and despite using as much as I can I have never run out.
In fact, with so much of it about I really don’t know how they can justify the prices they charge.
My bill is always sky high!
(thanks to VIZ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you call a bloke with a seagull on his head?………..Cliff |
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A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a pint and a mop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you call a dog with no ears ?
Anything you like he's still not going to come |
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Just found 2 lumps on my car battery. Had them both tested. One came back positive. I hope its not terminal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bloke comes home from a night out, in the morning his wife goes ballistic.
"why's there lipstick on your shirt?"
"cos i wiped my cock clean with it" |
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What would you get if you poured boiling water into a rabbit hole at Easter....
.
.
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A hot, cross bunny |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself.
"This doesn't sound like wasps.
I was right. I was playing the B-side. |
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By *MCMan
over a year ago
London/EA |
I sent my hearing aid for repair 2 weeks ago..
I haven’t heard anything since..
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My penis was in the Guinness book of Records till the librarian caught me |
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By *MCMan
over a year ago
London/EA |
A guy stopped me in the street the other day and asked why I was carrying a 9ft book..
I said ‘it’s a long story’. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself.
"This doesn't sound like wasps.
I was right. I was playing the B-side."
A husband and wife were shopping in Ancient Rome
The husband took a L toga and showed it to her wife.
The wife said , “I’m big, but I’m not that big! Get me a smaller size.
So the husband returned the L toga and grabbed the XL one.
The wife replied, “That’s better.” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Old Macdonald had a dolphin.
E-e-e-e-e |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My wife complains I don't buy her flowers.
To be honest, I didn't know she sold flowers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Where does napoleon keep his armies
Up his sleevies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Old Macdonald had a dolphin.
E-e-e-e-e"
Old Macdonald had tourettes
Ee I ee I cunt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Old Macdonald had a dolphin.
E-e-e-e-e
Old Macdonald had tourettes
Ee I ee I cunt"
Old Macdonald had dyslexia
I E I E F |
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If you watch any Godzilla movie backwards, they become heartwarming stories about giant monsters rebuilding towns and cities. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you call a bear with no paw?
Rupert The Bastard. |
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By *lappyMan
over a year ago
Manchester |
when I graduated from my comedy course at university, I thought I’d be laughing |
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By *lappyMan
over a year ago
Manchester |
I went past a sign that said bury crematorium the other day I thought make your mind up |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
man had a golf ball stuck up his bum , was up a fairway |
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By *lappyMan
over a year ago
Manchester |
the world’s laziest teacher has died and will be buried next week in an unmarked grave |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are driving through the desert.
The car breaks down, and they've got no cell reception, so they have to walk to get help.
The brunette says: "I'll grab the bottled water in case we get thirsty."
The redhead says: "I'll grab the snacks in case we get hungry."
The blonde rips the drivers side door off its hinges. "I'll take this door, so if we get hot, I can roll the window down." |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
Q: What's green, found in the garden and sings rock & roll?
A: Elvis Parsley |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
My mother told me that the only musicians more promiscuous than rock and roll artists were jazz musicians.
Because they were always having sax! |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Just found 2 lumps on my car battery. Had them both tested. One came back positive. I hope its not terminal. "
Throw him in the cell. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
The cleaned up version of Fairy Tale of New York, is called the Snowflake Edit.  |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"My mother told me that the only musicians more promiscuous than rock and roll artists were jazz musicians.
Because they were always having sax! "
Did you get that from a jazz mag? |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Just found 2 lumps on my car battery. Had them both tested. One came back positive. I hope its not terminal.
Throw him in the cell."
Then charge him! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant what kills Coronavirus?
she said ‘Ammonia Cleaner’
I said sorry, I thought you worked here. |
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By *ryan...Man
over a year ago
1950's Original |
A Swedish man walks into ABBA |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"A Swedish man walks into ABBA "
Dooby, dooby, do be more careful in future! |
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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago
Deepest darkest Peru |
Yesterday I saw a sheep wearing a swimsuit drive past in a car ……..
It was a Lamb bikini |
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By *ryan...Man
over a year ago
1950's Original |
"Man takes his laptop back to the shop
"Everytime i start it up it starts singing"
"What do you expect sir, it's a dell" "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is” |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is”"
funerals are cheaper than divorces. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes"
"Have you seen a doctor?"
" No, just the spots" |
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By *trideMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
Have you noticed that more and more women are having their navel’s pierced? That's because its a handy place to hang the air freshener. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I finally had the opperation on my neck , and i havent looked back since! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Siri , why do i keep messing things up with women ? This is alexa! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My wife and I had this long pointless
argument as to which vowel is the most
important.
I won. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just made a cake for everyone , because all of all the fights i been starting....... come on who wants some |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her.
I said maybe…
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow there is a small island just off the coast of italy, inhabited by 5 million sicillion people...... thats the biggest number ive ever heard |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 27/03/22 09:11:29] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This Couple were going to a fancy dress party and decided to go as Tarzan and Jane , so the wife sent off for the costumes and when they retuned Jane's one fitted perfectly but her husband's was on the small side as it didn't cover his manhood so she got the next size and same result so he went himself to the costume shop and explained his case to which the guy produced the only two next sizes he had in stock to which both were too small and the costume guy said to the man " you'd be better off throw it over your shoulder and go to the party as a petrol pump " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The misses says she,s leaving me cos im too competitive........ not if i leave her first!!! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
[Removed by poster at 27/03/22 12:31:17] |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe |
Masochist: Beat me, whip me, hurt me and make me feel cheap.
Sadist: No. |
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