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Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Forgive me Father for I have sinned... I have been known to have sex with men who's names I don't know and I lost count many months ago at how many men I'd had sex with...
How many Hail Mary's for that or will a Bloody Mary suffice!? |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"... to save you trapsing down to church today, Father Ben has set up my confession box and will now hear your sins.
Please form an orderly queue.
"
already been.... its like I have a season ticket for the confession box.... 
There are only so many people I can bribe with doughnuts... I have become a Krispy Kreme Pusher...... 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Forgive me Father for I have sinned... I have been known to have sex with men who's names I don't know and I lost count many months ago at how many men I'd had sex with...
How many Hail Mary's for that or will a Bloody Mary suffice!?"
3 hail Marys
2 Bloody Marys
and buy a decent diary, the Lord keeps tracks on your deviances and so should you  |
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I used to knock one out over Lady Di when I was a kid. Well photo's of her, I loved her to bits.
I could of chosen, Pammy Anderson, Kylie, Cat Deely but chose a Royal.
This was over 20 years ago and stopped as soon as she died in that terrible accident |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"... to save you trapsing down to church today, Father Ben has set up my confession box and will now hear your sins.
Please form an orderly queue.
"
Given the population on here - I suspect it would be more of a 'disorderly queue', with a spot of car park fun going on round the back, people getting tired of waiting for certain fabsters (who shall remain nameless!) to remember all their bad deeds from last night (let alone the last year)and buggering off to the pub - and the local hotels getting booked out as those earwigging confessions discover new friends with similar kinks and decide to pop somewhere more comfy to compare notes!
So what time do we start! |
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I devoured my daughters last Easter egg in a chocolate urge and said that the dog had ate it 
in my defence, my ex should never have got her an Thorntons eggs! if it was kitkat egg it would of been safe, as i would of just had the chucky kitkat instead |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"... to save you trapsing down to church today, Father Ben has set up my confession box and will now hear your sins.
Please form an orderly queue.
Given the population on here - I suspect it would be more of a 'disorderly queue', with a spot of car park fun going on round the back, people getting tired of waiting for certain fabsters (who shall remain nameless!) to remember all their bad deeds from last night (let alone the last year)and buggering off to the pub - and the local hotels getting booked out as those earwigging confessions discover new friends with similar kinks and decide to pop somewhere more comfy to compare notes!
So what time do we start! "
and where  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"... to save you trapsing down to church today, Father Ben has set up my confession box and will now hear your sins.
Please form an orderly queue.
already been.... its like I have a season ticket for the confession box....
There are only so many people I can bribe with doughnuts... I have become a Krispy Kreme Pusher......
"
Ah krispy Kremes, the Lords food indeed, St Peter has asked for one near the Pearly Gates |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I used to knock one out over Lady Di when I was a kid. Well photo's of her, I loved her to bits.
I could of chosen, Pammy Anderson, Kylie, Cat Deely but chose a Royal.
This was over 20 years ago and stopped as soon as she died in that terrible accident"
You dont need divine intervention, you need SpecSavers my son |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Forgive me Father for I have sinned... I have been known to have sex with men who's names I don't know and I lost count many months ago at how many men I'd had sex with...
How many Hail Mary's for that or will a Bloody Mary suffice!?"
Same here (with women) but I lost count long before I got into swinging! |
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"I used to knock one out over Lady Di when I was a kid. Well photo's of her, I loved her to bits.
I could of chosen, Pammy Anderson, Kylie, Cat Deely but chose a Royal.
This was over 20 years ago and stopped as soon as she died in that terrible accident
You dont need divine intervention, you need SpecSavers my son"
Not my fault, she was in every paper and every glossy mag going at the time. No one told me at the time it would damage ya eye sight. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I devoured my daughters last Easter egg in a chocolate urge and said that the dog had ate it
in my defence, my ex should never have got her an Thorntons eggs! if it was kitkat egg it would of been safe, as i would of just had the chucky kitkat instead"
Easter Eggs are paganistic ritual. I suggest you wear a hair shirt for the rest of the day until you find God |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I nicked, I mean I borrowed a couple of No Parking cones on my way home a couple of night ago  "
Why am I thinking that at some point you put them over your chest and pretended to be Madonna? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"... to save you trapsing down to church today, Father Ben has set up my confession box and will now hear your sins.
Please form an orderly queue.
Given the population on here - I suspect it would be more of a 'disorderly queue', with a spot of car park fun going on round the back, people getting tired of waiting for certain fabsters (who shall remain nameless!) to remember all their bad deeds from last night (let alone the last year)and buggering off to the pub - and the local hotels getting booked out as those earwigging confessions discover new friends with similar kinks and decide to pop somewhere more comfy to compare notes!
So what time do we start! "
Cynacism and humour are not allowed in this church, begone with you and come back when you feel the Lords light on your back  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I nicked, I mean I borrowed a couple of No Parking cones on my way home a couple of night ago "
there is another forumite who is experiencing parking problems in another thread. Conate these to them and your sins will be absolved |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I used to knock one out over Lady Di when I was a kid. Well photo's of her, I loved her to bits.
I could of chosen, Pammy Anderson, Kylie, Cat Deely but chose a Royal.
This was over 20 years ago and stopped as soon as she died in that terrible accident
You dont need divine intervention, you need SpecSavers my son
Not my fault, she was in every paper and every glossy mag going at the time. No one told me at the time it would damage ya eye sight."
If you fancied Diana prior to masturbating over the pictures, your eyesite was already, as the Holiness the Pope calls it, fucked!
St Peter came to me one night whilst I was praying and told me about when the Queen Mum came to heaven. Princess Diana was hovering near the Pearly Gates as she arrived. 'Diana, where do I get an Angels halo like yours my dear?' asked the Queen mum. ' You silly old cow, its a steering wheel' replied Diana.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am pagan so it's pointless me saying my sins in here plus far too many over the years. I just wait for them to come back and bite me on the bum. oh well never mind "
I have a Druid friend, who swears by paganistic bum biting |
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By *wencatWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"I am pagan so it's pointless me saying my sins in here plus far too many over the years. I just wait for them to come back and bite me on the bum. oh well never mind
I have a Druid friend, who swears by paganistic bum biting "
they say whatever u do in life comes back on u 10 fold. and I am so sorry but I cannot wait. I am ready to take my punishment. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Father, I have sinned and I don't care if you forgive me or not. Had a bloody good time doing it and intend doing it again and again and again! "
Pope Benedict? are you on here with a false profile again? The sinod has warned you about this in the past! |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"Father, I have sinned and I don't care if you forgive me or not. Had a bloody good time doing it and intend doing it again and again and again!
Pope Benedict? are you on here with a false profile again? The sinod has warned you about this in the past!"
I knew I should have gotten rid of that hat - I get confused with him so many times! |
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"I used to knock one out over Lady Di when I was a kid. Well photo's of her, I loved her to bits.
I could of chosen, Pammy Anderson, Kylie, Cat Deely but chose a Royal.
This was over 20 years ago and stopped as soon as she died in that terrible accident
You dont need divine intervention, you need SpecSavers my son
Not my fault, she was in every paper and every glossy mag going at the time. No one told me at the time it would damage ya eye sight.
If you fancied Diana prior to masturbating over the pictures, your eyesite was already, as the Holiness the Pope calls it, fucked!
St Peter came to me one night whilst I was praying and told me about when the Queen Mum came to heaven. Princess Diana was hovering near the Pearly Gates as she arrived. 'Diana, where do I get an Angels halo like yours my dear?' asked the Queen mum. ' You silly old cow, its a steering wheel' replied Diana.
"
My Tunnel Vision dosent help either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Father i have sinned many times , lots have been in a manner of revenge. One involved a toothbrush and a toilet. My most recent sin is having some terrible filthy thoughts about fellow forumites ... Actually that's not a sin is it, just my dirty mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"... to save you trapsing down to church today, Father Ben has set up my confession box and will now hear your sins.
Please form an orderly queue.
already been.... its like I have a season ticket for the confession box....
There are only so many people I can bribe with doughnuts... I have become a Krispy Kreme Pusher......
"
I'd forgive anything for a Krispy Kreme, shallow I know but hey its Krispy Kremes we are talking about lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oooo somewhere other than a church to confess churches give me migraine, always worry I will be struck down crossing the threshold thinking my daddy don't approve,
Not sure it's a sin to prey on hot young men anyway if its bad why does it feel so good lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.....  "
Hehe. Not in my case at the moment. I've hardly misbehaved in weeks.
Scraping the bottom of the barrel, I could confess masturbation and some impure thoughts. I've not even had any alcohol in weeks. No meets, no play. I may as well join a convent. |
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Hello from the dark side father.
As my name hints I bat for the other team so won't be availing myself of your confessional.
But if you wish to try yo save me you're welcome to try 
Just bear in mind that I will be returning the compliment in a very low cut outfit and some hellishly red lippy |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.....
Hehe. Not in my case at the moment. I've hardly misbehaved in weeks.
Scraping the bottom of the barrel, I could confess masturbation and some impure thoughts. I've not even had any alcohol in weeks. No meets, no play. I may as well join a convent."
Did not know that you have to confess to impure thoughts as well? THought it was only action that needed reporting? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hello from the dark side father.
As my name hints I bat for the other team so won't be availing myself of your confessional.
But if you wish to try yo save me you're welcome to try
Just bear in mind that I will be returning the compliment in a very low cut outfit and some hellishly red lippy "
Dear Devil
I am up for the challenge, fallen or not, you are still an Angel. In His eyes, you will always remain loved, but just gone of the rails.
300 Hail Marys and sit on the naughty step for 300 years. In the meantime give Adolf and Saddam a kick in the knackers for me
Father Ben |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I haven't sinned for two weeks but here's hoping I have to sin tomorrow morning!!"
Premeditated sin is the worst type. I have had a word with the BiG Fella upstairs and he assures me no sin will be commmitted as they are time wasters |
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"Hello from the dark side father.
As my name hints I bat for the other team so won't be availing myself of your confessional.
But if you wish to try yo save me you're welcome to try
Just bear in mind that I will be returning the compliment in a very low cut outfit and some hellishly red lippy
Dear Devil
I am up for the challenge, fallen or not, you are still an Angel. In His eyes, you will always remain loved, but just gone of the rails.
300 Hail Marys and sit on the naughty step for 300 years. In the meantime give Adolf and Saddam a kick in the knackers for me
Father Ben "
Ahhhh sweetie! Bless.
As if I'd actually pray to the opposition for forgiveness!
I have done nothing wrong. In fact, I haven't been doing enough wrong recently. If I'm not careful I'll get hauled over the coals soon! 
Want to help me sort that out Father Ben? You can wear your cassock... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear father, I haven't been to the gym all week and I had a slice of lemon cheesecake today. My diet has gone off the rails. "
Gym's are the instruments of the Devil, you are absolved of all sin, just so long as you was the cheesecake down with Communion Wine
Father Ben |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Father i have sinned many times , lots have been in a manner of revenge. One involved a toothbrush and a toilet. My most recent sin is having some terrible filthy thoughts about fellow forumites ... Actually that's not a sin is it, just my dirty mind "
I have commited a few sins with a toothbrush myslef, His Holiness did not buy my story about wishing my inside to be as clean as my spiritual beliefs. He was also a little peeved about me doing it in the curch font.
He gave me 10 Hail Marys, I would dearly love to give you 1
Father Ben |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I was young I asked God for a bike, but I knew God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead....Boom'boom!!! "
The Lord knows of this sin and has made sure you ladder your tights in retribution
Father Ben |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hello from the dark side father.
As my name hints I bat for the other team so won't be availing myself of your confessional.
But if you wish to try yo save me you're welcome to try
Just bear in mind that I will be returning the compliment in a very low cut outfit and some hellishly red lippy
Dear Devil
I am up for the challenge, fallen or not, you are still an Angel. In His eyes, you will always remain loved, but just gone of the rails.
300 Hail Marys and sit on the naughty step for 300 years. In the meantime give Adolf and Saddam a kick in the knackers for me
Father Ben
Ahhhh sweetie! Bless.
As if I'd actually pray to the opposition for forgiveness!
I have done nothing wrong. In fact, I haven't been doing enough wrong recently. If I'm not careful I'll get hauled over the coals soon!
Want to help me sort that out Father Ben? You can wear your cassock... "
If it is for the greater God, I am compelled to rescue you my child. I will have to keep my collar on.
Father Ben
PS Rosary beads make great anal beads, as long as you dont pop the His cross inside |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry father but Im the kind of girl when I wake up in the morning and my feet hit the floor the devil says "Shes up"
No hope for me "
I would recommend carpet with a deeper pile to soften the acoustics |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear father, I haven't been to the gym all week and I had a slice of lemon cheesecake today. My diet has gone off the rails.
Gym's are the instruments of the Devil, you are absolved of all sin, just so long as you was the cheesecake down with Communion Wine
Father Ben "
Does it make a difference that I went back for a second slice? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
In the last week I have indulged in the sins of wrath, sloth, lust, envy and gluttony. I'd like to perfect my sloth and lust so cannot repent of these.
Licketysplits
p.s. the change in the weather os affecting my knees so can I do penance standing, sitting or better still, lying down? |
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