FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Hard to get to know?
Hard to get to know?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You may have many friends or be an extrovert but are you hard to get to know?
I feel I am. I'm extremely open but also quite frosty and shit at small talk.
So how about you? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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You're not frosty or shit at small talk, I'd say you're actually shy, very open and a bit of an overthinker. You're not hard to get to know in the slightest. 
I think I am. Far too private and I find it hard to trust people beyond my usual kind of superficial level. I find it a lot easier and tend to know far more about others than they know about me. And that's not something or a way I'm proud of being. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m terrible at small talk in person, part of the reason I really struggle in groups and some social situations.
All of my meaningful friendships, even my marriage, began at distance. This has been a theme through my adulthood. |
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I’d say yes I am.
I’m friendly and can do small talk, talk generally about various subjects, but I don’t open up easily on anything personal.
I choose what I share and when, if someone starts asking probing questions, I will change the subject. I don’t ask probing questions of others either, both should feel comfortable and just let the conversation naturally flow.
There are those I trust and they can ask me anything. However, they also know me well enough if I don’t want to talk about it, don’t probe. |
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"I’d say yes I am.
I’m friendly and can do small talk, talk generally about various subjects, but I don’t open up easily on anything personal.
I choose what I share and when, if someone starts asking probing questions, I will change the subject. I don’t ask probing questions of others either, both should feel comfortable and just let the conversation naturally flow.
There are those I trust and they can ask me anything. However, they also know me well enough if I don’t want to talk about it, don’t probe. "
Exactly this! Which is probably why we’re such good friends  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You're not frosty or shit at small talk, I'd say you're actually shy, very open and a bit of an overthinker. You're not hard to get to know in the slightest.
I think I am. Far too private and I find it hard to trust people beyond my usual kind of superficial level. I find it a lot easier and tend to know far more about others than they know about me. And that's not something or a way I'm proud of being."
Don't you go giving away all my secrets haha
It isnt good being an open person, I wish I was more closed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m pretty open. Don’t know if I’m easy to talk to but I think people can get to know me quickly if they want. I prefer finding out about others, asking questions and stuff but don’t want to be too intense so try and balance it.
I’m sure you’re wonderful OP  |
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"You may have many friends or be an extrovert but are you hard to get to know?
I feel I am. I'm extremely open but also quite frosty and shit at small talk.
So how about you? "
You did fine when you got in touch with me. Don’t overthink things. You will do fine.
I think I can talk to most people about most subjects even though I can be more nervous face to face |
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Interesting one!
I am quite comfortable being open about many things.
This can sometimes lead people to think I am confident and have everything totally sorted. Which is not true.
Sooo... I don't know?
Mrs TMN x |
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"I’d say yes I am.
I’m friendly and can do small talk, talk generally about various subjects, but I don’t open up easily on anything personal.
I choose what I share and when, if someone starts asking probing questions, I will change the subject. I don’t ask probing questions of others either, both should feel comfortable and just let the conversation naturally flow.
There are those I trust and they can ask me anything. However, they also know me well enough if I don’t want to talk about it, don’t probe.
Exactly this! Which is probably why we’re such good friends "
Aye it probably is, we are eerily similar, except you got all the height |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"You're not frosty or shit at small talk, I'd say you're actually shy, very open and a bit of an overthinker. You're not hard to get to know in the slightest.
I think I am. Far too private and I find it hard to trust people beyond my usual kind of superficial level. I find it a lot easier and tend to know far more about others than they know about me. And that's not something or a way I'm proud of being.
Don't you go giving away all my secrets haha
It isnt good being an open person, I wish I was more closed. "
Nooo! You wouldn't be you then. Look, we all have our follies but at the end of the day you're a good 'un. Being open is you and that should never change. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im very guarded on personal things as i choose not to get too close now with people bit of flirting is fine but im way past letting people truly know me now only 1 person will ever have that privilege everyone else just gets highlights |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One on one, I am an open book, there's very little I am loathed to share
I can chew the cud for hours tete a tete, however, put me in a group situation and watch me merge with the wallpaper
The anxiety I get from being in groups is off the scale |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In everyday life I’m fairly open and friendly.
On Fab I’m cautious and guarded. I do most of the messaging, I’m like a bouncer, very tough to get past before you can get to us!
Viv |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What is small talk really?
Nice weather mmmm lovely
Chat about Soaps
Describing your ingrowing toenail
 "
I see you feel my pain. I listen to people talking about nothing and don't know how to join in.
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I hate small talk, I personally find it dull and doesn't hold my attention.So I find it difficult to focus and tend of drift off so I can appear rude. I don't mean to but I'll end up thinking about a problem in work or something else that needs sorting.
But I will and do talk about anything and everything as long as I find it interesting. Openness I am that, I did the only tell a select few. That in the past gave others power to manipulate me, so I favour the if everyone knows about it nobody can use it against me.
And I'm painfully shy and awkward. It's who I am and I'm good with that
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is small talk really?
Nice weather mmmm lovely
Chat about Soaps
Describing your ingrowing toenail
I see you feel my pain. I listen to people talking about nothing and don't know how to join in.
"
I do speed chatting at socials. 3 minutes then I move on when they stick a fork in their hand to stay awake.
People love a listener. Ask them about themselves. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I think I can be, some people get a pre conceived idea of what you will be like based on a selection of images on here - if you have a face pic and your not smiling from ear to ear they think you have resting bitch face, if you post graphic imagery your too forward, if you post regularly your an attention seeker etc etc - all of this is derived by images not actual conversations so I think some people are guilty of judging you before attempting to get to know you
This can be just as obvious in real life, can be anything from the way you dress, style your hair, they way you carry yourself, your confidence all of them can come under scrutiny too. I think we have lost the art of talking to humans face to face everything is teams calls with cameras off, txt, social media etc it’s quite sad really.
Underneath my exhibitionist side I’m a nice lass with a kind heart I just don’t give it to those who have made there mind up about me with little effort xx |
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
I don’t know that anyone ever really knows someone else, you might know facts about them, you might think you know a lot about how they may react in certain circumstances, or what opinion they will express on a certain matter, what they say they enjoy, or dislike, but never the root of the person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I can be, some people get a pre conceived idea of what you will be like based on a selection of images on here - if you have a face pic and your not smiling from ear to ear they think you have resting bitch face, if you post graphic imagery your too forward, if you post regularly your an attention seeker etc etc - all of this is derived by images not actual conversations so I think some people are guilty of judging you before attempting to get to know you
This can be just as obvious in real life, can be anything from the way you dress, style your hair, they way you carry yourself, your confidence all of them can come under scrutiny too. I think we have lost the art of talking to humans face to face everything is teams calls with cameras off, txt, social media etc it’s quite sad really.
Underneath my exhibitionist side I’m a nice lass with a kind heart I just don’t give it to those who have made there mind up about me with little effort xx"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a naturally very open person. Very chatty, social and good at small talk. But I am no longer easy to get to know because I am so wary now. "
You’re lovely.
Why so wary? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a naturally very open person. Very chatty, social and good at small talk. But I am no longer easy to get to know because I am so wary now.
You’re lovely.
Why so wary?"
Usual reasons people are wary I guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a naturally very open person. Very chatty, social and good at small talk. But I am no longer easy to get to know because I am so wary now.
You’re lovely.
Why so wary?
Usual reasons people are wary I guess"
Bless you. I get it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im very guarded on personal things as i choose not to get too close now with people bit of flirting is fine but im way past letting people truly know me now only 1 person will ever have that privilege everyone else just gets highlights "
but i am open about being guarded too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally, if someone doesn’t like me then that’s all good.
People I converse with or meet and they actually get to know me think differently (most of the time)
So many look and judge what’s on the outside, creating a profile of someone before even learning what that person’s all about.
So those that want to get to know me then I’m fine with doing so.
But I’ll never judge anyone, that’s not my place to do so.
But I’ll decide if me and that person are on the same level and can continue to converse or anything else after that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find I'm hard to get to know my walls are pretty high as most only end up sh*ting on you anyway shit in you from height "
no because I don't give anyone the chance to I'm just a passing ship & if I did bump into you it would mean absolutely jack shit |
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"I am fairly reserved, what I like about the fora is you can find like minded people by reading what they post
I love when people call it the fora "
Anything to bring a little more happiness to the world |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am fairly reserved, what I like about the fora is you can find like minded people by reading what they post
I love when people call it the fora
Anything to bring a little more happiness to the world "
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I am fairly reserved, what I like about the fora is you can find like minded people by reading what they post
I love when people call it the fora
Anything to bring a little more happiness to the world
"
Seconding the love for fora, long may it reign. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am fairly reserved, what I like about the fora is you can find like minded people by reading what they post
I love when people call it the fora
Anything to bring a little more happiness to the world
Seconding the love for fora, long may it reign. "
Stand aside please - the fora herd are coming through. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
So here we go - my profile sums me up in terms of swinging background and interests. Not everything is on there but most items are.
In terms of socially what I am in to. I am open to my first move of football, which most people know. I am a geek as well so known to love marvel and video games and what not
So I am straight (I have to say this because had recently few people assume I am bi, or not straight enough pmsl). I am not an alpha male for sure.
I can be hard to read at times, so people may misread me or my intentions. Sometimes I can be to open.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m impossible for new people to get to know. I have zero interest in knowing anyone new or them knowing me. Walls as high as the clouds. you come across like that too "
Don’t think that’s necessary |
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By *LiamMan
over a year ago
Midlands |
"I’m impossible for new people to get to know. I have zero interest in knowing anyone new or them knowing me. Walls as high as the clouds. you come across like that too
Don’t think that’s necessary "
you said it and I agreed?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m impossible for new people to get to know. I have zero interest in knowing anyone new or them knowing me. Walls as high as the clouds. you come across like that too
Don’t think that’s necessary you said it and I agreed? "
Firstly, you don’t know me so not sure how you could agree. Secondly, it came across as arsey on your part and I don’t think it was necessary. |
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By *LiamMan
over a year ago
Midlands |
"I’m impossible for new people to get to know. I have zero interest in knowing anyone new or them knowing me. Walls as high as the clouds. you come across like that too
Don’t think that’s necessary you said it and I agreed?
Firstly, you don’t know me so not sure how you could agree. Secondly, it came across as arsey on your part and I don’t think it was necessary. "
OK you're right everything else is wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm pretty easy to a point.. Then I'm like a slab of concrete... There's stuff i don't even tell to myself
Soz to my friends and regular fellow chatters |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m impossible for new people to get to know. I have zero interest in knowing anyone new or them knowing me. Walls as high as the clouds. you come across like that too
Don’t think that’s necessary you said it and I agreed?
Firstly, you don’t know me so not sure how you could agree. Secondly, it came across as arsey on your part and I don’t think it was necessary. OK you're right everything else is wrong "
About myself? Erm, yeah haha I think I know me better than anyone else. Not sure how you’d know more about my personal feelings than me but crack on haha
Enjoy your day babes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm pretty easy to a point.. Then I'm like a slab of concrete... There's stuff i don't even tell to myself
Soz to my friends and regular fellow chatters "
Same
My close friends know everything but due to a scary stalking situation, I don’t allow anyone new in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You may have many friends or be an extrovert but are you hard to get to know?
I feel I am. I'm extremely open but also quite frosty and shit at small talk.
So how about you? "
Same god awful at small talk and moving a conversation forward,Sort of luck into it half the time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep, ask anyone who messages me! It’s like trying to open a box with a rusty hinge. Hard work!
Offt I'd like to oil your box.. Wait wrong thread  "
WD40 anyone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im hard to get to know as i only answer the qustion i was asked "
I thought that I was the only one to do that! I struggle between being polite (so answering them) and the fear of leading someone on! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well considering I've been told I look angry and sound ruthless, I feel like that may play a factor
Though I do like to think of myself as funny and cool  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well considering I've been told I look angry and sound ruthless, I feel like that may play a factor
Though I do like to think of myself as funny and cool "
Isn’t everyone from Liverpool funny and cool? I thought it was a given  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well considering I've been told I look angry and sound ruthless, I feel like that may play a factor
Though I do like to think of myself as funny and cool
Isn’t everyone from Liverpool funny and cool? I thought it was a given "
I'm Slavic, so a fake scouser  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well considering I've been told I look angry and sound ruthless, I feel like that may play a factor
Though I do like to think of myself as funny and cool
Isn’t everyone from Liverpool funny and cool? I thought it was a given
I'm Slavic, so a fake scouser "
Ah, but you live here so it must be rubbing off on you  |
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By *arrisonMan
over a year ago
Woolacombe |
"You may have many friends or be an extrovert but are you hard to get to know?
I feel I am. I'm extremely open but also quite frosty and shit at small talk.
So how about you? "
I'm beginning to think that I am. I'd always thought that I'm what I term a 'supercommunicator' (for better or worse...) but my experience of a relationship recently ending has perhaps taken that from me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On here or in general?
The latter I’m easy to get to know as in I will give people the time of day, easy to chat to and am good at listening as well.
I wouldn’t say I’m a closed book but I generally think a lot of personal stuff is on a need to know basis and a lot of people just don’t need to know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well considering I've been told I look angry and sound ruthless, I feel like that may play a factor
Though I do like to think of myself as funny and cool
Isn’t everyone from Liverpool funny and cool? I thought it was a given
I'm Slavic, so a fake scouser
Ah, but you live here so it must be rubbing off on you "
I just wish the accent would rub off too so I can understand my colleges more often |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me and my wife are really bad for oversharing. People know our whole life stories after meeting us once or twice. It’s probably annoying but it’s who we are |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well considering I've been told I look angry and sound ruthless, I feel like that may play a factor
Though I do like to think of myself as funny and cool
Isn’t everyone from Liverpool funny and cool? I thought it was a given
I'm Slavic, so a fake scouser
Ah, but you live here so it must be rubbing off on you
I just wish the accent would rub off too so I can understand my colleges more often "
Understanding scousers can take years, I believe there’s a course you can take |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well considering I've been told I look angry and sound ruthless, I feel like that may play a factor
Though I do like to think of myself as funny and cool
Isn’t everyone from Liverpool funny and cool? I thought it was a given
I'm Slavic, so a fake scouser
Ah, but you live here so it must be rubbing off on you
I just wish the accent would rub off too so I can understand my colleges more often
Understanding scousers can take years, I believe there’s a course you can take "
You made me actually Google that |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"Well considering I've been told I look angry and sound ruthless, I feel like that may play a factor
Though I do like to think of myself as funny and cool
Isn’t everyone from Liverpool funny and cool? I thought it was a given
I'm Slavic, so a fake scouser
Ah, but you live here so it must be rubbing off on you
I just wish the accent would rub off too so I can understand my colleges more often
Understanding scousers can take years, I believe there’s a course you can take "
If I am in Cupids and 2 scousers are talking I am like wtf I struggle to understand anything. I just nod and smile |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well considering I've been told I look angry and sound ruthless, I feel like that may play a factor
Though I do like to think of myself as funny and cool
Isn’t everyone from Liverpool funny and cool? I thought it was a given
I'm Slavic, so a fake scouser
Ah, but you live here so it must be rubbing off on you
I just wish the accent would rub off too so I can understand my colleges more often
Understanding scousers can take years, I believe there’s a course you can take
You made me actually Google that "
Haha I’m surprised there isn’t one to be honest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well considering I've been told I look angry and sound ruthless, I feel like that may play a factor
Though I do like to think of myself as funny and cool
Isn’t everyone from Liverpool funny and cool? I thought it was a given
I'm Slavic, so a fake scouser
Ah, but you live here so it must be rubbing off on you
I just wish the accent would rub off too so I can understand my colleges more often
Understanding scousers can take years, I believe there’s a course you can take
If I am in Cupids and 2 scousers are talking I am like wtf I struggle to understand anything. I just nod and smile "
Probably for the best |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As an autistic, pretty much all my small-talk is scripted.
Get me on a “special interest” and I’m away.
Most of my closest friends are, it turns out, autistic too.
"
Now I need to know what your special interest is? |
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"As an autistic, pretty much all my small-talk is scripted.
Get me on a “special interest” and I’m away.
Most of my closest friends are, it turns out, autistic too.
Now I need to know what your special interest is? "
Pretty much anything mechanical. Particularly if it’s old and oily, is broken and needs fixing.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As an autistic, pretty much all my small-talk is scripted.
Get me on a “special interest” and I’m away.
Most of my closest friends are, it turns out, autistic too.
Now I need to know what your special interest is?
Pretty much anything mechanical. Particularly if it’s old and oily, is broken and needs fixing.
"
One of the ladies above needs some oil for her rusty box
That’s cool though, I wish I had something to be passionate about. I break a lot of stuff but definitely can’t fix it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I should of said that I'm an incredibly sociable friendly and chatty person and will talk to anyone and make a real effort, but I am careful what I say to people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I should of said that I'm an incredibly sociable friendly and chatty person and will talk to anyone and make a real effort, but I am careful what I say to people."
I think i got your inside leg measurement at Manchester  |
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"I should of said that I'm an incredibly sociable friendly and chatty person and will talk to anyone and make a real effort, but I am careful what I say to people."
You are, and I enjoyed our chats x |
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"You may have many friends or be an extrovert but are you hard to get to know?
I feel I am. I'm extremely open but also quite frosty and shit at small talk.
So how about you? "
That’s definitely me!!! |
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"Nope I'm not hard to get to know at all, happy to chat and overshare
Will you know anything that can be used against me... No.
Apart from that one time in band camp…."
Oiiiiiii what happens in band camp. Stays in band camp |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m an introvert (ISTJ), hate small talk and very regimented and methodical. I think I’m pretty hard to know, but still waters run deep as the saying goes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I should of said that I'm an incredibly sociable friendly and chatty person and will talk to anyone and make a real effort, but I am careful what I say to people.
I think i got your inside leg measurement at Manchester "
Probably  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I should of said that I'm an incredibly sociable friendly and chatty person and will talk to anyone and make a real effort, but I am careful what I say to people.
You are, and I enjoyed our chats x"
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll chat to anyone about anything though no-one gets to know 'what makes me tick' so in that respect I guess I am a closed book x"
I can kind of confirm that, I've spoken to you numerous times over the last 3 years and still feel I haven't got past the 1st chapter |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll chat to anyone about anything though no-one gets to know 'what makes me tick' so in that respect I guess I am a closed book x"
I’m similar. Easy to get to know on a superficial level, but the deep stuff not so much.
An oversharer is the opposite of me! |
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"I'll chat to anyone about anything though no-one gets to know 'what makes me tick' so in that respect I guess I am a closed book x
I’m similar. Easy to get to know on a superficial level, but the deep stuff not so much.
An oversharer is the opposite of me!"
The eternal conundrum with fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m like a closed book and rarely give much away about myself. For the longest time I have learnt to build in silence but that has bled into all aspects of my life |
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"I'll chat to anyone about anything though no-one gets to know 'what makes me tick' so in that respect I guess I am a closed book x
I’m similar. Easy to get to know on a superficial level, but the deep stuff not so much.
An oversharer is the opposite of me!"
Me too x |
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"I'll chat to anyone about anything though no-one gets to know 'what makes me tick' so in that respect I guess I am a closed book x
I can kind of confirm that, I've spoken to you numerous times over the last 3 years and still feel I haven't got past the 1st chapter "
No way its been 3 years  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll chat to anyone about anything though no-one gets to know 'what makes me tick' so in that respect I guess I am a closed book x
I can kind of confirm that, I've spoken to you numerous times over the last 3 years and still feel I haven't got past the 1st chapter
No way its been 3 years "
It has, I've got a cake photo you sent me as proof |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You may have many friends or be an extrovert but are you hard to get to know?
I feel I am. I'm extremely open but also quite frosty and shit at small talk.
So how about you? "
apparently I am very offish, intimidating and give an heir of being agitated. Dunno why, I am a lovely person ,I just dislike most people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I'm easy going.
I like to chat and get to know people.
I've even been known to flirt and be a bit cheeky now and again.
"
You're definitely a flirt |
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I am great at small talk and can hold a conversation with anyone. Most of my acquaintances would think they know me fairly well and that I'm a relatively open book.
In real life I rarely open up about the deeper stuff though. I'm much more emotionally open online than I am in real life - very few people really get to know me. |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
I'm quite shy and reserved when I first meet anyone, but that does change over a period of time, a few hours, days or weeks.
Sometimes I don't let anyone in as I like to keep my deepest thoughts and dreams to myself.
I've found through experience that sharing to much isn't always a good thing.
I like it on here as I can say what I want, without being rude, and express some of my thoughts and dreams. |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"I think I'm easy going.
I like to chat and get to know people.
I've even been known to flirt and be a bit cheeky now and again.
You're definitely a flirt "
Fuck yeah. If you've got it, flaunt it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's an interesting question that I've often given thought to. If you don't open up, share a little of yourself - it's likely others won't open up or share a little of themselves. And I really like those connections with others. They're meaningful and powerful. And I've found over time that if I do share a little (for example I shared that I suffer from panic attacks) that other people reach out and feel enabled to talk about it.
The trouble is that some are malicious with their intentions - they want to use that information about you for their own gain. It's reaching a balance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's an interesting question that I've often given thought to. If you don't open up, share a little of yourself - it's likely others won't open up or share a little of themselves. And I really like those connections with others. They're meaningful and powerful. And I've found over time that if I do share a little (for example I shared that I suffer from panic attacks) that other people reach out and feel enabled to talk about it.
The trouble is that some are malicious with their intentions - they want to use that information about you for their own gain. It's reaching a balance. "
This is the issue that I have.
One you’ve been in a dangerous situation with someone, you do everything that you can to protect yourself in future. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's an interesting question that I've often given thought to. If you don't open up, share a little of yourself - it's likely others won't open up or share a little of themselves. And I really like those connections with others. They're meaningful and powerful. And I've found over time that if I do share a little (for example I shared that I suffer from panic attacks) that other people reach out and feel enabled to talk about it.
The trouble is that some are malicious with their intentions - they want to use that information about you for their own gain. It's reaching a balance.
This is the issue that I have.
One you’ve been in a dangerous situation with someone, you do everything that you can to protect yourself in future."
I know. I've been hurt several times because I am an open person. But being a closed off book is not who I am. It's completely opposite to my ethos in life. And I've been able to be myself for only a few years really since my LTR ended. So far I have licked my wounds and bounced back. I was just struck by how many people talked about being guarded and wondered if people always recognise that closed off means you miss out on good stuff too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's an interesting question that I've often given thought to. If you don't open up, share a little of yourself - it's likely others won't open up or share a little of themselves. And I really like those connections with others. They're meaningful and powerful. And I've found over time that if I do share a little (for example I shared that I suffer from panic attacks) that other people reach out and feel enabled to talk about it.
The trouble is that some are malicious with their intentions - they want to use that information about you for their own gain. It's reaching a balance.
This is the issue that I have.
One you’ve been in a dangerous situation with someone, you do everything that you can to protect yourself in future.
I know. I've been hurt several times because I am an open person. But being a closed off book is not who I am. It's completely opposite to my ethos in life. And I've been able to be myself for only a few years really since my LTR ended. So far I have licked my wounds and bounced back. I was just struck by how many people talked about being guarded and wondered if people always recognise that closed off means you miss out on good stuff too. "
Oh you definitely miss out. I was previously a really open person, would talk to anyone about anything and was really out there. Then I was stalked by an obsessive maniac and my whole life changed.
Now I’m a very closed book. It’s sad because that’s not who I am but it will be many many years until I trust people that I don’t already know again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's an interesting question that I've often given thought to. If you don't open up, share a little of yourself - it's likely others won't open up or share a little of themselves. And I really like those connections with others. They're meaningful and powerful. And I've found over time that if I do share a little (for example I shared that I suffer from panic attacks) that other people reach out and feel enabled to talk about it.
The trouble is that some are malicious with their intentions - they want to use that information about you for their own gain. It's reaching a balance.
This is the issue that I have.
One you’ve been in a dangerous situation with someone, you do everything that you can to protect yourself in future.
I know. I've been hurt several times because I am an open person. But being a closed off book is not who I am. It's completely opposite to my ethos in life. And I've been able to be myself for only a few years really since my LTR ended. So far I have licked my wounds and bounced back. I was just struck by how many people talked about being guarded and wondered if people always recognise that closed off means you miss out on good stuff too.
Oh you definitely miss out. I was previously a really open person, would talk to anyone about anything and was really out there. Then I was stalked by an obsessive maniac and my whole life changed.
Now I’m a very closed book. It’s sad because that’s not who I am but it will be many many years until I trust people that I don’t already know again."
Oh my! Totally understandable why you'd feel that way. |
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I feel i'm quite chatty & easy to get to know but, need a similar personality to the other person in order to really gel.
I kinda like random small talk.
I'm not the life & soul of the party or an extrovert in public though.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's an interesting question that I've often given thought to. If you don't open up, share a little of yourself - it's likely others won't open up or share a little of themselves. And I really like those connections with others. They're meaningful and powerful. And I've found over time that if I do share a little (for example I shared that I suffer from panic attacks) that other people reach out and feel enabled to talk about it.
The trouble is that some are malicious with their intentions - they want to use that information about you for their own gain. It's reaching a balance.
This is the issue that I have.
One you’ve been in a dangerous situation with someone, you do everything that you can to protect yourself in future.
I know. I've been hurt several times because I am an open person. But being a closed off book is not who I am. It's completely opposite to my ethos in life. And I've been able to be myself for only a few years really since my LTR ended. So far I have licked my wounds and bounced back. I was just struck by how many people talked about being guarded and wondered if people always recognise that closed off means you miss out on good stuff too.
Oh you definitely miss out. I was previously a really open person, would talk to anyone about anything and was really out there. Then I was stalked by an obsessive maniac and my whole life changed.
Now I’m a very closed book. It’s sad because that’s not who I am but it will be many many years until I trust people that I don’t already know again.
Oh my! Totally understandable why you'd feel that way. "
Thank you
It’s really shit but such is life and I’m lucky to have the most amazing friends around me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm fairly guarded and superficial when it comes to online interactions.
In real life, I'm fairly easy to get to know if I'm spending time regularly with someone "
How does someone penetrate your walls? To get to know you? |
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"I'm fairly guarded and superficial when it comes to online interactions.
In real life, I'm fairly easy to get to know if I'm spending time regularly with someone
How does someone penetrate your walls? To get to know you? "
By spending time with me I guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm terrible at starting conversation topics but once it starts, I'm generally good at holding it and asking questions to keep it going.
My main worry is asking too many questions which might annoy them or try to tell them my own experiences which makes it sound like I'm talking about myself too much |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm fairly guarded and superficial when it comes to online interactions.
In real life, I'm fairly easy to get to know if I'm spending time regularly with someone
How does someone penetrate your walls? To get to know you?
By spending time with me I guess "
Lucky you- I’ve looked at flights and I’ll be with you around lunchtime |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You may have many friends or be an extrovert but are you hard to get to know?
I feel I am. I'm extremely open but also quite frosty and shit at small talk.
So how about you? "
Suppose people don't want drama in their lives , maybe it's an age thing , as you mature you don't take as much crap like you do in your 20's. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's an interesting question that I've often given thought to. If you don't open up, share a little of yourself - it's likely others won't open up or share a little of themselves. And I really like those connections with others. They're meaningful and powerful. And I've found over time that if I do share a little (for example I shared that I suffer from panic attacks) that other people reach out and feel enabled to talk about it.
The trouble is that some are malicious with their intentions - they want to use that information about you for their own gain. It's reaching a balance.
This is the issue that I have.
One you’ve been in a dangerous situation with someone, you do everything that you can to protect yourself in future.
I know. I've been hurt several times because I am an open person. But being a closed off book is not who I am. It's completely opposite to my ethos in life. And I've been able to be myself for only a few years really since my LTR ended. So far I have licked my wounds and bounced back. I was just struck by how many people talked about being guarded and wondered if people always recognise that closed off means you miss out on good stuff too.
Oh you definitely miss out. I was previously a really open person, would talk to anyone about anything and was really out there. Then I was stalked by an obsessive maniac and my whole life changed.
Now I’m a very closed book. It’s sad because that’s not who I am but it will be many many years until I trust people that I don’t already know again.
Oh my! Totally understandable why you'd feel that way.
Thank you
It’s really shit but such is life and I’m lucky to have the most amazing friends around me "
I'm glad you do x |
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