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Men, do you mentally compartmentalise
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say you meet a girl, you fancy her but she might have a reputation or maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick  |
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Sadly yes.
Is it mean? Yes. Is it unfair? Yes
But I don’t have time in this tiny short window of existence to figure people out multiple times. Once I’ve got an impression of you, it sticks.
It sucks but that’s life. It’s different if we have a prior relationship like friends, family etc
But if I meet someone and deem they are an “X”, they are gonna be X in my mind forever |
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I do compartmentalise. But not in this way. I'm not looking for long term. But not because women here are open about sex.
I truly think most relationships would be better if people could be more liberated about having sex with others. So that wouldn't be a sticking point. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sadly yes.
Is it mean? Yes. Is it unfair? Yes
But I don’t have time in this tiny short window of existence to figure people out multiple times. Once I’ve got an impression of you, it sticks.
It sucks but that’s life. It’s different if we have a prior relationship like friends, family etc
But if I meet someone and deem they are an “X”, they are gonna be X in my mind forever "
Fair, so in your mind, once you put them in that box, there’s nothing that will make you think “oh actually, maybe just maybe”
Cos it’s like there’s a stain that remains? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What we seek from a wife will vary by man
So don't see yourself as always being 'the other woman' (unless it suits you to at any given time) "
I can imagine, but I have this general idea that a lot seek a certain type of woman and not another type of woman.
But maybe I’m completely wrong
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"Sadly yes.
Is it mean? Yes. Is it unfair? Yes
But I don’t have time in this tiny short window of existence to figure people out multiple times. Once I’ve got an impression of you, it sticks.
It sucks but that’s life. It’s different if we have a prior relationship like friends, family etc
But if I meet someone and deem they are an “X”, they are gonna be X in my mind forever
Fair, so in your mind, once you put them in that box, there’s nothing that will make you think “oh actually, maybe just maybe”
Cos it’s like there’s a stain that remains? "
Yeah. And it’s not a nasty thing. It’s not “your an X and I don’t like X so your an X forever!!!”
It’s just like, you show me your an X, I don’t want that, I’m not gonna investigate further. You showed me your hand, there’s 7 billion other hands out there. I’ll go find one that isn’t an X
Whatever your X might be that you do/don’t want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the words of Queen Dolly...
Now a man will take a good girl
And he'll ruin her reputation
But when he wants to marry
Well, that's a different situation
He'll just walk off and leave her
To do the best she can
While he looks for an angel
To wear his wedding band
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I do compartmentalise. But not in this way. I'm not looking for long term. But not because women here are open about sex.
I truly think most relationships would be better if people could be more liberated about having sex with others. So that wouldn't be a sticking point. "
What way do you compartmentalise if you don't mind me asking? I find this kind of topic really interesting, thanks for asking it Kylie.  |
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Yes, I do compartmentalise, and there are definitely women who will always be in the "friend zone", even if I find them attractive, but that's not based on their "reputation" or anything like that - that wouldn't be a factor for me personally if I really liked someone and wanted to take it further... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In the words of Queen Dolly...
Now a man will take a good girl
And he'll ruin her reputation
But when he wants to marry
Well, that's a different situation
He'll just walk off and leave her
To do the best she can
While he looks for an angel
To wear his wedding band
"
That’s what I kind of mean tho, are some men into this idea of
“She’s an Angel so she’s marriage worthy”
Cos I haven’t seen a total wild side on the sexual front (that maybe she used to be promiscuous)
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"I do compartmentalise. But not in this way. I'm not looking for long term. But not because women here are open about sex.
I truly think most relationships would be better if people could be more liberated about having sex with others. So that wouldn't be a sticking point.
What way do you compartmentalise if you don't mind me asking? I find this kind of topic really interesting, thanks for asking it Kylie. "
Me too. She asks some good questions does our Kylie
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I do yes. I know it sounds wrong to compartmentalise as it's like you're instantly judging them on something. It's probably more a defence mechanism to avoid any potential future hurt. "
But then this sort of reinforces the fact that some women are cut out to be wives and actual “good girls” and others not so much , for a reason or another?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I do compartmentalise. But not in this way. I'm not looking for long term. But not because women here are open about sex.
I truly think most relationships would be better if people could be more liberated about having sex with others. So that wouldn't be a sticking point.
What way do you compartmentalise if you don't mind me asking? I find this kind of topic really interesting, thanks for asking it Kylie.
Me too. She asks some good questions does our Kylie
"
*hair flicks* she got a point  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I won't connect with anyone properly again so most anyone ever is is someone friendly if you let people in close in the end you lose you either lose touch they abandon you or they die iv spent the last couple years building a fort and nobody is invited as there is no drawbridge  |
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"Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say you meet a girl, you fancy her but she might have a reputation or maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick "
I think I have a more open perspective on modern relationships. I think that if you love and respect someone, then you'll set them free.
I'll be honest though. I don't think too hard on possible future outcomes when I meet people. Life is fleeting and our time with others even more so. I wouldn't say I compartmentalise anyone on first impressions unless they're particularly obnoxious and arrogant.
Relationships with people change as you grow. Sometimes lovers end up as just friends and just friends as lovers. It's a strange old world and I think it's important to let yourself ebb and flow with the tide. |
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"I do yes. I know it sounds wrong to compartmentalise as it's like you're instantly judging them on something. It's probably more a defence mechanism to avoid any potential future hurt.
But then this sort of reinforces the fact that some women are cut out to be wives and actual “good girls” and others not so much , for a reason or another?
"
I guess that can also depend on whether you're purely looking at it from a fab perspective or not as it may just not be the whole sexual partners thing. Do you compartmentalise men on here sometimes too? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In the words of Queen Dolly...
Now a man will take a good girl
And he'll ruin her reputation
But when he wants to marry
Well, that's a different situation
He'll just walk off and leave her
To do the best she can
While he looks for an angel
To wear his wedding band
That’s what I kind of mean tho, are some men into this idea of
“She’s an Angel so she’s marriage worthy”
Cos I haven’t seen a total wild side on the sexual front (that maybe she used to be promiscuous)
"
Honestly, I don't ever see myself as being capable of monogamy
I gave it a fkin good try for many years and was successful in doing so
That said, when I was free to set my stall out again, I did so with the intention of being honest with future partners about any coupling being flexible
So, against that background, why would I expect (or even want) an angel?
I want someone who can express themselves sexually and do so without fear of rocking a relationship
Sex is just one facet of a relationship and if I have that emotional bond and trust, I don't expect nor need sexual fidelity
I guess what I'm saying Kylie is people change, their priorities change, their wants and needs change
You're still a young un to me and move in circles with others around your age
I was in my mid 30's when I stopped trying to fit into boxes and settled into what works for me
You will find your own guy that thinks like that too, that embraces you for you, that completes you and you him
Your time isn't running out, it's only just kicking off x |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
"Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say you meet a girl, you fancy her but she might have a reputation or maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick "
I am not looking for any kind of ltr now but I might be at that state at some point. And when I am there I’ll be looking for experienced very openminded lady so that will be a plus and a bonus not a stigma.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I do yes. I know it sounds wrong to compartmentalise as it's like you're instantly judging them on something. It's probably more a defence mechanism to avoid any potential future hurt.
But then this sort of reinforces the fact that some women are cut out to be wives and actual “good girls” and others not so much , for a reason or another?
I guess that can also depend on whether you're purely looking at it from a fab perspective or not as it may just not be the whole sexual partners thing. Do you compartmentalise men on here sometimes too? "
No I don’t ever compartmentalise men, I guess some I may refer to as fuck boys because of their behaviours. But I’ve had ex bfs who were total fuck boys so …
Obviously maybe if I’m seeing a guy who was promiscuous, maybe it’d be the back of my head if he’d be able to be faithful? But it wouldn’t make me think.. oh u aren’t bf material then
I don’t know maybe my brain works weird |
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"I do yes. I know it sounds wrong to compartmentalise as it's like you're instantly judging them on something. It's probably more a defence mechanism to avoid any potential future hurt.
But then this sort of reinforces the fact that some women are cut out to be wives and actual “good girls” and others not so much , for a reason or another?
I guess that can also depend on whether you're purely looking at it from a fab perspective or not as it may just not be the whole sexual partners thing. Do you compartmentalise men on here sometimes too?
No I don’t ever compartmentalise men, I guess some I may refer to as fuck boys because of their behaviours. But I’ve had ex bfs who were total fuck boys so …
Obviously maybe if I’m seeing a guy who was promiscuous, maybe it’d be the back of my head if he’d be able to be faithful? But it wouldn’t make me think.. oh u aren’t bf material then
I don’t know maybe my brain works weird "
Nope, you're brain is wired fine. Some of It probably stems from previous relationships people have had, which has made them a bit more wary.
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"I do compartmentalise. But not in this way. I'm not looking for long term. But not because women here are open about sex.
I truly think most relationships would be better if people could be more liberated about having sex with others. So that wouldn't be a sticking point.
What way do you compartmentalise if you don't mind me asking? I find this kind of topic really interesting, thanks for asking it Kylie.
Me too. She asks some good questions does our Kylie
*hair flicks* she got a point "
With everything really. When I'm not in work, I don't think about work. It's in its compartment. If something bad happens, I don't think about it until it needs to be dealt with, a funeral for instance. I don't fret and worry about things because I stick them in a mental box until I'm ready or have to deal with them. |
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"Sadly yes.
Is it mean? Yes. Is it unfair? Yes
But I don’t have time in this tiny short window of existence to figure people out multiple times. Once I’ve got an impression of you, it sticks.
It sucks but that’s life. It’s different if we have a prior relationship like friends, family etc
But if I meet someone and deem they are an “X”, they are gonna be X in my mind forever "
This |
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"Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say you meet a girl, you fancy her but she might have a reputation or maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick "
I don’t think “reputation” is the issue, more that innate sling of whether you will gel together in emirs of your wants and needs.
The other thing is you get what you look for, and to some extent perhaps you have to decide you want to be a “wife” rather than promiscuous, which to an extent is always a bit self serving, whereas marriage, in whatever guise, has to involve compromise.
Perhaps the extent to which you are always the other woman is down to putting yourself in that position and prioritising where you get sex over where and how you are loved. Maybe the thing is to work out who you are long before working out men from a variety of generalisations or asking on a forum? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say you meet a girl, you fancy her but she might have a reputation or maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick "
well it’s a hookup for sex site isn’t it ? Free hookers in shit |
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By *ornagainchristianMan
over a year ago
Preston, Glasgow, Cheltenham, Leeds, Birmingham and Leicester (but travel all over the UK |
"Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say you meet a girl, you fancy her but she might have a reputation or maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick "
Not as much as the amount of women who compartmentalise men. Honestly I’ve heard women say they are breaking off with someone they are dating because he talked about how much he loved his mum. Like, what?? Is that bad now?? I’ve also been turned away for being “too much of a nice guy”, whatever that’s supposed to mean.
Generally though, there are two competing sides of our brains, one wants an absolute slut and the other wants a devoted partner, both sides end up conflicting so I suppose it’s whichever you appeal better too |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
I don't have a type at all, personalities win every time but I'm such a slow mover is astonishing. To run with what others have posted, several women have asked or suggested they'd marry me and it's either not been a consideration for me or there's been something I've thought more important at the time. There's been nothing strictly wrong with them, just marriage hasn't been one of my life goals. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As I’m in a hierarchical non monogamous set up I don’t see anyone as a potential wifey. However I’m looking for partners to date not just to hookup with and I wouldn’t see anyone as not capable of being a romantic partner but capable of being a sexual partner unless it was because they didn’t want the commitment of being a partner or they lived too far away for us to see one another regularly. Generally I think these days, if I want to sleep with someone, it should be someone I’d want to have some kind of relationship with.
I know because of being poly my answer isn’t what you are maybe looking for but enjoy this different perspective anyway  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex husband excels at compartmentalising. He’s a highly intelligent and successful man, but not very emotionally astute.
So for example, our children haven’t bonded with his partner, and they have been together for several years now. He is able to put one foot in the partner’s camp, and another in the children’s. Effectively, it is all kept separate.
This situation wouldn’t be acceptable to me. I’d expect a partner to gel with my kids to a degree, and it would all have to flow together. Otherwise I’d be better off on my own with the kids. I do most of the parenting, so there is a practical element to this of course!
Neither ex nor I had ideal upbringings. However his had trauma in his (not that it would be recognised as such back then!). I am convinced therefore that the ability to compartmentalise is linked to the need for survival. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
A GP I was seeing said I could never be his girlfriend because as soon as the sex gets good with a woman he can't see her as a girlfriend or wife.
He told me the sex he has with girlfriends is boring and nothing like he gets off on.
So, I was wanted by him because I tied him up and put things in his arse, but not for anything serious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was seeking 'wife material' then the fab days would need to be left behind, at least for a while until things potentially required spicing up and a couples agreement was made. Swinging comes naturally to some couples but in all honesty, I think I would struggle quite a lot for fear of losing said partner. That's just me and my worrying nature though  |
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Probably not just men though either Kylie. I think it’s pretty easy to work out the ones who just hope fab people will do the things their wives/girlfriends won’t do. If I was looking for a relationship it would unlikely be anyone from fab either. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Probably not just men though either Kylie. I think it’s pretty easy to work out the ones who just hope fab people will do the things their wives/girlfriends won’t do. If I was looking for a relationship it would unlikely be anyone from fab either. "
Ditto. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably not just men though either Kylie. I think it’s pretty easy to work out the ones who just hope fab people will do the things their wives/girlfriends won’t do. If I was looking for a relationship it would unlikely be anyone from fab either. "
I’ve never felt that I’ll meet my better half on Fab. |
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Interesting question.
My two penn'orth, for what it's worth, is that this is a person thing rather than a man thing, and I think we all do it to varying degrees. I think MrHotNotts was closest to my view on it, in that people want different qualities in people for different roles within their life. Some people fit into one role and not necessarily another, and both people's "compartments" that they have put the other in need to align. I was recently asked to my face what was so special about me that my partner wants to be in a relationship with me but only wanted NSA with her! Passive aggressive bitchiness aside, there is no clear answer to that...how does anyone explain who they click with and move into a relationship with? It's very multi-faceted.
For a relationship I personally feel that there needs to be a lot more "life" compatibility than for an NSA sexual partner...things like values, life stages, disposable income levels etc need to be more in line. |
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I think it depends on your age or maturity. My maturity I mean what you’ve experienced and how much meaningful insight that provided you.
When I was younger I compartmentalised as there was more social pressure too and friends and family influence you more. My potential wife had to fit into a premade social stencil that had been handed to me through years of social engineering.
Now that I'm older I am more relaxed and less bothered by these social pressures. If I like someone I couldn’t give a monkeys about the opinion of the next person because all I’m focused on is making myself happy.
I'd say my ideas about relationship, expectations and aspirations changed at around 35.
If a girl has a known reputation then this would be off putting for me. I wouldn’t care if she was a swinger, had multiple partners or something else. However knowing that others knew would be a deal breaker. And I don’t mean people participate in the alternative lifestyle (from the scene). I mean if people knew that weren't from the scene.
" So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies? "
Yes we do. This is neither good nor bad, it's just human nature and women do it too.
" Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material?"
I wouldn’t like a girlfriend that put her private escapades out in the public domain. I can’t imagine a situation where I’d be comfortable socially knowing all my friends and their partners were aware that I was dating the village bike. I know some men might get a thrill. It’s just not for me.
"So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”"
If she revealed herself in private then I’d promote her sexual preferences. If it was public knowledge then I wouldn’t start dating in the first place so there would be nothing to discard.
"Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?"
Yes, because this is how we are socially engineered. Women have the ideal guy that they perceive would make the best husband, the best father, best homemaker etc. However, assuming you don’t fit the “proper” label doesn’t mean that you’re not a decent, honest, trustworthy person or any less wife material.
I hope this helps with your considerations. Have a good day.
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I know I'm not a man but I do know that from personal experience, some do. I know there are men who are quite traditional and wouldn't date me because of my lifestyle. I've also experienced men who are threatened by my sexual experiences. They're not really the type of men I'm interested in though. It's not that I'm not wife/girlfriend material or that they're not boyfriend/husband material. We're just incompatible. We want different things in life and relationships. I've had casual things with these types of men because the fact we're not compatible in a relationship sense doesn't mean we can't enjoy a casual arrangement together. That's all it is. You need deeper compatibility for a relationship than a casual arrangement.
When it comes to relationships, I personally want someone who wants to share my adventures with me. I don't want someone who wants me to settle down with them in suburbia with two kids and a dog. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just not what I want. I'm lucky to have two partners who if anything probably wish I was more promiscuous than I am . They get excited by what I get up to. They enjoy me dressing raunchily and getting checked out. We share a love based on our connection and understanding of each other as people. They're probably not other people's "husband material" but they're mine. If I could marry two people that is . |
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"Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say
you meet a girl, you fancy her but
she might have a reputation or
maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick "
Interesting debate but its down to who you meet and how they see you .you may find a guy that see you as wife material and you him husband. No matter what either of you thought before you met . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I know I'm not a man but I do know that from personal experience, some do. I know there are men who are quite traditional and wouldn't date me because of my lifestyle. I've also experienced men who are threatened by my sexual experiences. They're not really the type of men I'm interested in though. It's not that I'm not wife/girlfriend material or that they're not boyfriend/husband material. We're just incompatible. We want different things in life and relationships. I've had casual things with these types of men because the fact we're not compatible in a relationship sense doesn't mean we can't enjoy a casual arrangement together. That's all it is. You need deeper compatibility for a relationship than a casual arrangement.
When it comes to relationships, I personally want someone who wants to share my adventures with me. I don't want someone who wants me to settle down with them in suburbia with two kids and a dog. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just not what I want. I'm lucky to have two partners who if anything probably wish I was more promiscuous than I am . They get excited by what I get up to. They enjoy me dressing raunchily and getting checked out. We share a love based on our connection and understanding of each other as people. They're probably not other people's "husband material" but they're mine. If I could marry two people that is . "
I love this answer Lacey, actually puts things into perspective and I think you are kind of so right x
But I wonder if the whole traditionalist situation, is like that for a vast amount of men
Also totally agree, they may not want me as a wife or gf but they certainly seem to want my body and my wild side. Go figure … |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A GP I was seeing said I could never be his girlfriend because as soon as the sex gets good with a woman he can't see her as a girlfriend or wife.
He told me the sex he has with girlfriends is boring and nothing like he gets off on.
So, I was wanted by him because I tied him up and put things in his arse, but not for anything serious. "
That’s really interesting.
Wonder why a person wouldn’t want to do boundary pushing with their partner but would with someone they’re just having sex with? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A GP I was seeing said I could never be his girlfriend because as soon as the sex gets good with a woman he can't see her as a girlfriend or wife.
He told me the sex he has with girlfriends is boring and nothing like he gets off on.
So, I was wanted by him because I tied him up and put things in his arse, but not for anything serious.
That’s really interesting.
Wonder why a person wouldn’t want to do boundary pushing with their partner but would with someone they’re just having sex with? "
I wonder if there’s this whole idea of pure and proper when it comes to wife material. Also not something wild that may end up straying so threatening the relationship.
It’s probably steaming from major insecurity I’d say x |
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"I know I'm not a man but I do know that from personal experience, some do. I know there are men who are quite traditional and wouldn't date me because of my lifestyle. I've also experienced men who are threatened by my sexual experiences. They're not really the type of men I'm interested in though. It's not that I'm not wife/girlfriend material or that they're not boyfriend/husband material. We're just incompatible. We want different things in life and relationships. I've had casual things with these types of men because the fact we're not compatible in a relationship sense doesn't mean we can't enjoy a casual arrangement together. That's all it is. You need deeper compatibility for a relationship than a casual arrangement.
When it comes to relationships, I personally want someone who wants to share my adventures with me. I don't want someone who wants me to settle down with them in suburbia with two kids and a dog. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just not what I want. I'm lucky to have two partners who if anything probably wish I was more promiscuous than I am . They get excited by what I get up to. They enjoy me dressing raunchily and getting checked out. We share a love based on our connection and understanding of each other as people. They're probably not other people's "husband material" but they're mine. If I could marry two people that is .
I love this answer Lacey, actually puts things into perspective and I think you are kind of so right x
But I wonder if the whole traditionalist situation, is like that for a vast amount of men
Also totally agree, they may not want me as a wife or gf but they certainly seem to want my body and my wild side. Go figure … "
They probably are. I'm not saying I make life easy for myself . The majority also religiously watch Love Island though and I couldn't date them either!
It's fine to have casual sex with people you wouldn't want a relationship with. I think a lot of people do it and I don't see anything wrong with that as long as everyone respects each other. I'm personally happy to sleep with someone for who I'm not what they want in a partner but if they feel I don't deserve to be treated respectfully or they treat me as somehow a lower class of woman because of their own relationship preferences then they can sod off.
Funnily enough now I think about it, when I was on OKCupid years ago I always found the answers to questions about their attitude to sex workers interesting. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but I'm definitely turned on by more feminist men who don't tie a woman's worth to her sexual "purity". |
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"A GP I was seeing said I could never be his girlfriend because as soon as the sex gets good with a woman he can't see her as a girlfriend or wife.
He told me the sex he has with girlfriends is boring and nothing like he gets off on.
So, I was wanted by him because I tied him up and put things in his arse, but not for anything serious.
That’s really interesting.
Wonder why a person wouldn’t want to do boundary pushing with their partner but would with someone they’re just having sex with?
I wonder if there’s this whole idea of pure and proper when it comes to wife material. Also not something wild that may end up straying so threatening the relationship.
It’s probably steaming from major insecurity I’d say x "
I think it’s just a preference
There’s plenty of “quality over quantity” and “I don’t want someone that’s slept through the whole site” on here. I think it’s the same when thinking about “wifey” material.
I even think it might have some caveman instincts built into it. The whole tribe sleeps with your girl, how can you be certain it’s your genes being passed on and not someone else’s? I think humans have some weird stuff seeded in our brains from millions of years of evolution that can’t just be boiled down to “your an insecure incel” |
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By *069Couple
over a year ago
derby |
"Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say you meet a girl, you fancy her but she might have a reputation or maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick "
I believe that we are all different in life. It’s all about respect, openness, loyalty between two people. If this is explained from the start you could well possibly find your king. No secrets is key |
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"A GP I was seeing said I could never be his girlfriend because as soon as the sex gets good with a woman he can't see her as a girlfriend or wife.
He told me the sex he has with girlfriends is boring and nothing like he gets off on.
So, I was wanted by him because I tied him up and put things in his arse, but not for anything serious.
That’s really interesting.
Wonder why a person wouldn’t want to do boundary pushing with their partner but would with someone they’re just having sex with?
I wonder if there’s this whole idea of pure and proper when it comes to wife material. Also not something wild that may end up straying so threatening the relationship.
It’s probably steaming from major insecurity I’d say x "
I agree there's an element of that for some. Women who don't really enjoy sex aren't likely to be sexually unfaithful. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say you meet a girl, you fancy her but she might have a reputation or maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick
I don’t think “reputation” is the issue, more that innate sling of whether you will gel together in emirs of your wants and needs.
The other thing is you get what you look for, and to some extent perhaps you have to decide you want to be a “wife” rather than promiscuous, which to an extent is always a bit self serving, whereas marriage, in whatever guise, has to involve compromise.
Perhaps the extent to which you are always the other woman is down to putting yourself in that position and prioritising where you get sex over where and how you are loved. Maybe the thing is to work out who you are long before working out men from a variety of generalisations or asking on a forum?"
Wow you hit me there x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
For me no I don’t
I couldn’t care whare I meet them fab date site club swingers club or anything it’s all the same to me
I couldn’t care how meny people they been with or who they been with or any off that bs
If I like them in that way I going to date them
This bs just because you meet them on fab or they sleep with xxx amount is so judgmental
So I put two real things to people who think this way
So you have woman one
Who on fab and gose to swingers clubs and such and has a so called “rep” you don’t think she’s wife material
Woman two is Katy from close by or something
Who dosent have a “rep”
But unknown to you
Katy party’s down south or up north 100-200 miles away
Katy’s been took home by different guys every weekend for the last 3 years
But just because she hasn’t got a rep around your places means she’s wife material
Sorry to tell you everything one who thinks so they both the same
STOP BEING JUGMENTAL people are free to do as they like
If they not locked off simple as
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
"
I mean, ouch Buss!
I did have a few lads who admitted were more than open or have no problems dating a trans woman (as in, made no difference), but we touched the subject on would you tell your parents …
And that’s where things got a bit complicated.. didn’t deter them to pursue a relationship but it certainly would add a layer of complication
|
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
"
If someone likes someone they'll settle down with them - cross eyed, educated or outdated opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
If someone likes someone they'll settle down with them - cross eyed, educated or outdated opinion. "
I’d like to think that if someone likes me enough, will forego all that , cos I’m nice and kind and caring girl and got hobbies (and I’ve been told pretty which helps) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
I mean, ouch Buss!
I did have a few lads who admitted were more than open or have no problems dating a trans woman (as in, made no difference), but we touched the subject on would you tell your parents …
And that’s where things got a bit complicated.. didn’t deter them to pursue a relationship but it certainly would add a layer of complication
"
Sorry Kyles
I didn't think I was adding anything you hadn't likely already considered yourself
I've had long term partners that my friends and family didn't even know existed - and I mean for years
The problem was all mine though
That must have been shit for them but I didn't care at the time, my 'secret' was more important than their being accepted
And I feel a cunt for that now
And I wouldn't ask anyone else to accept that compromise ever again
There are plenty of guys that will though
Would you be a guys 'secret' if it meant being his 'wife'?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
If someone likes someone they'll settle down with them - cross eyed, educated or outdated opinion. "
I disagree. |
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"Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say you meet a girl, you fancy her but she might have a reputation or maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick "
For my two penneth (sorry - not got a penis but been here 8 years so using my observations) - many do.
Once you’ve met them on fab - no matter how compatible you may be irl (ie the same interests outside of sex, similar age, similar political beliefs, similar moral code and soh etc - many will see you as incompatible for a relationship. This happened to me fairly recently after 5 months of seeing each other very regularly.
The irony is that the relationships they find in the vanilla world are often unsuccessful - and within 2 years they’ve either split up or are cheating - and end up back on fab.
I applaud the guys who are realists and have loving relationships with someone they met on fab. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
I mean, ouch Buss!
I did have a few lads who admitted were more than open or have no problems dating a trans woman (as in, made no difference), but we touched the subject on would you tell your parents …
And that’s where things got a bit complicated.. didn’t deter them to pursue a relationship but it certainly would add a layer of complication
Sorry Kyles
I didn't think I was adding anything you hadn't likely already considered yourself
I've had long term partners that my friends and family didn't even know existed - and I mean for years
The problem was all mine though
That must have been shit for them but I didn't care at the time, my 'secret' was more important than their being accepted
And I feel a cunt for that now
And I wouldn't ask anyone else to accept that compromise ever again
There are plenty of guys that will though
Would you be a guys 'secret' if it meant being his 'wife'?
"
I don’t know, In the long run it’d really bother me that maybe I’m not enough
But considering how I am , if I fell head over heels for him, then I’d probably “put up” with it.
Could be because I don’t totally see my value , or else. I don’t know |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Guys, usual little research to enter in your brain and understand you more haha
So today, I wanna ask… do you guys mentally compartmentalise us ladies?
Let me go a bit into details, like say you meet a girl, you fancy her but she might have a reputation or maybe you met her from fab and you know she likes to have lots of sex with different partners.
Would that make you compartmentalise her, meaning once you got that imprint, you will never see her as potential girlfriend material/wife material? So you would discard her because she showed you a side that made you go “nah, not a potential wifey”
Do you think some of you see certain girls as wife material because of the perception you get from them, for being “proper”?
I sometimes do feel like I’m bound to be the other woman forever… I know I know, what do I expect from fab and for being a bit of a promiscuous girl (least I’m honest), but it makes me wonder if there are some that are seen as “wifeys” and others as “the other women”
Thoughts please! X
Particularly looking for an opinion from Thick
For my two penneth (sorry - not got a penis but been here 8 years so using my observations) - many do.
Once you’ve met them on fab - no matter how compatible you may be irl (ie the same interests outside of sex, similar age, similar political beliefs, similar moral code and soh etc - many will see you as incompatible for a relationship. This happened to me fairly recently after 5 months of seeing each other very regularly.
The irony is that the relationships they find in the vanilla world are often unsuccessful - and within 2 years they’ve either split up or are cheating - and end up back on fab.
I applaud the guys who are realists and have loving relationships with someone they met on fab. "
I think so too, I mean If he’s right and I fancy him and we get on, it wouldn’t put me off that we met from fab. So that’s why I don’t see why the write off just cos the met came about here and not via friends or from randomly chatting at the cafe or speed dating |
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"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
I mean, ouch Buss!
I did have a few lads who admitted were more than open or have no problems dating a trans woman (as in, made no difference), but we touched the subject on would you tell your parents …
And that’s where things got a bit complicated.. didn’t deter them to pursue a relationship but it certainly would add a layer of complication
"
I think the subject of telling someone's parents but backing out is a sign that they aren't comfortable in their own skin.
Things are definitely much better than when I was younger but there's still a lot of stigma around sexuality and sexual identity. It took me a while to admit to myself that I was bisexual, let alone anyone else. In fact by the time I came out to anyone I realised that I was actually pansexual (something that I experience a lot of negativity about).
In a world that's just starting to get its head around gender identity many people still have a lot of hang ups with themselves and how they think other people perceive them.
It's a shame. You're stunning and deserve more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
I mean, ouch Buss!
I did have a few lads who admitted were more than open or have no problems dating a trans woman (as in, made no difference), but we touched the subject on would you tell your parents …
And that’s where things got a bit complicated.. didn’t deter them to pursue a relationship but it certainly would add a layer of complication
Sorry Kyles
I didn't think I was adding anything you hadn't likely already considered yourself
I've had long term partners that my friends and family didn't even know existed - and I mean for years
The problem was all mine though
That must have been shit for them but I didn't care at the time, my 'secret' was more important than their being accepted
And I feel a cunt for that now
And I wouldn't ask anyone else to accept that compromise ever again
There are plenty of guys that will though
Would you be a guys 'secret' if it meant being his 'wife'?
I don’t know, In the long run it’d really bother me that maybe I’m not enough
But considering how I am , if I fell head over heels for him, then I’d probably “put up” with it.
Could be because I don’t totally see my value , or else. I don’t know "
Know your value Kylie
You've come too far for compromises x |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
Her actions/behaviour will shape my perception of her...not so much her reputation. However her reputation might correlate to her actions/behaviour. So are you serious about having a monogamous relationship...show me, as I will show you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
I mean, ouch Buss!
I did have a few lads who admitted were more than open or have no problems dating a trans woman (as in, made no difference), but we touched the subject on would you tell your parents …
And that’s where things got a bit complicated.. didn’t deter them to pursue a relationship but it certainly would add a layer of complication
I think the subject of telling someone's parents but backing out is a sign that they aren't comfortable in their own skin.
Things are definitely much better than when I was younger but there's still a lot of stigma around sexuality and sexual identity. It took me a while to admit to myself that I was bisexual, let alone anyone else. In fact by the time I came out to anyone I realised that I was actually pansexual (something that I experience a lot of negativity about).
In a world that's just starting to get its head around gender identity many people still have a lot of hang ups with themselves and how they think other people perceive them.
It's a shame. You're stunning and deserve more."
Do you find more negativity about being pansexual than you got about being bisexual? |
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"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
I mean, ouch Buss!
I did have a few lads who admitted were more than open or have no problems dating a trans woman (as in, made no difference), but we touched the subject on would you tell your parents …
And that’s where things got a bit complicated.. didn’t deter them to pursue a relationship but it certainly would add a layer of complication
Sorry Kyles
I didn't think I was adding anything you hadn't likely already considered yourself
I've had long term partners that my friends and family didn't even know existed - and I mean for years
The problem was all mine though
That must have been shit for them but I didn't care at the time, my 'secret' was more important than their being accepted
And I feel a cunt for that now
And I wouldn't ask anyone else to accept that compromise ever again
There are plenty of guys that will though
Would you be a guys 'secret' if it meant being his 'wife'?
I don’t know, In the long run it’d really bother me that maybe I’m not enough
But considering how I am , if I fell head over heels for him, then I’d probably “put up” with it.
Could be because I don’t totally see my value , or else. I don’t know "
Kylie nooooooo!! You deserve a man who is loud and proud about having you by his side!! Love alone isn't enough if someone wants you to compromise yourself so much. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you find more negativity about being pansexual than you got about being bisexual?
Yeah, I do. It actually tends to be more from members of the LGBTQ+ community too."
Why does this not surprise me one bit …! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think in your position Kylie, you will be compartmentalised because you are seen as trans as opposed to a 'woman'
A lot of guys will fuck trans women
My guess is only a small % of those would 'settle down' with a trans woman
I don't think it's all down to how you portray yourself; 'trans' is still something a lot of people struggle with and, even if they themselves don't struggle, they opt for the safer option because it's easier
They don't see trans 'woman' they see a 'good' 'convincing' (eurgh, despise that phrase) transvestite, unable to separate the two things
For a fuck, they can get their head round it or can disguise it from friends and family
Longer term that isn't a realistic option, so they steer towards the conventional girlfriend
I mean, ouch Buss!
I did have a few lads who admitted were more than open or have no problems dating a trans woman (as in, made no difference), but we touched the subject on would you tell your parents …
And that’s where things got a bit complicated.. didn’t deter them to pursue a relationship but it certainly would add a layer of complication
Sorry Kyles
I didn't think I was adding anything you hadn't likely already considered yourself
I've had long term partners that my friends and family didn't even know existed - and I mean for years
The problem was all mine though
That must have been shit for them but I didn't care at the time, my 'secret' was more important than their being accepted
And I feel a cunt for that now
And I wouldn't ask anyone else to accept that compromise ever again
There are plenty of guys that will though
Would you be a guys 'secret' if it meant being his 'wife'?
I don’t know, In the long run it’d really bother me that maybe I’m not enough
But considering how I am , if I fell head over heels for him, then I’d probably “put up” with it.
Could be because I don’t totally see my value , or else. I don’t know
Kylie nooooooo!! You deserve a man who is loud and proud about having you by his side!! Love alone isn't enough if someone wants you to compromise yourself so much. "
 need to write this down and read it every time I don’t feel enough
Thanks lovely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes would say I compartmentalise we all do and obviously there are some woman I will favour more than others thats just my preference no negative judgement involved.Do regret that I do sometimes put people i to boxes though don’t think thats right.
Wouldn’t say I get a feeling of “proper” or even have a set in stone idea of what my wifey would be,There ate two exes I considered bringing to that stage snd they were do far apart from one another in every way.
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Interesting question. Does it work both ways round? What if you met the woman first and she appeared as whatever your “wifey material” looked like but then over time she developed or let out her naughtier side and it turned out she was more promiscuous than first thought and other stereotypically “non-wifey” characteristics mentioned above? Would that change your opinion of her and make her no longer wifey material? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting question. Does it work both ways round? What if you met the woman first and she appeared as whatever your “wifey material” looked like but then over time she developed or let out her naughtier side and it turned out she was more promiscuous than first thought and other stereotypically “non-wifey” characteristics mentioned above? Would that change your opinion of her and make her no longer wifey material? "
Depends on the circumstances one would have to say and how I judged her to be wifey material if its a complete uproot of her personality then yes if not probably just a pleasant surprise |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"A GP I was seeing said I could never be his girlfriend because as soon as the sex gets good with a woman he can't see her as a girlfriend or wife.
He told me the sex he has with girlfriends is boring and nothing like he gets off on.
So, I was wanted by him because I tied him up and put things in his arse, but not for anything serious.
That’s really interesting.
Wonder why a person wouldn’t want to do boundary pushing with their partner but would with someone they’re just having sex with? "
Possibly because in his mind I was not worthy of being someone he went to the theatre with and introduced to friends, because he knew I wasn't missionary only in bed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting thread Kylie. Threads like these tend to make me feel a bit sad inside (from some of the posts) but also informative and I like reading how a man’s mind works.
"
You can say my name you know
Don’t know where the mind working part comes from though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A GP I was seeing said I could never be his girlfriend because as soon as the sex gets good with a woman he can't see her as a girlfriend or wife.
He told me the sex he has with girlfriends is boring and nothing like he gets off on.
So, I was wanted by him because I tied him up and put things in his arse, but not for anything serious.
That’s really interesting.
Wonder why a person wouldn’t want to do boundary pushing with their partner but would with someone they’re just having sex with?
Possibly because in his mind I was not worthy of being someone he went to the theatre with and introduced to friends, because he knew I wasn't missionary only in bed. "
Maybe some people think willingness to do more in the bedroom is a slight on someone. Attitudes to sex are interesting to unpack |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Interesting thread Kylie. Threads like these tend to make me feel a bit sad inside (from some of the posts) but also informative and I like reading how a man’s mind works.
"
Glad you enjoyed this!! X I mean definitely interesting to pick brains on this x
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By *LiamMan
over a year ago
Midlands |
I won't spend my evening reading this whole thread so OP I'd say first impressions count.
Also if your aren't up for a swinging relationship and the women in question has had 100s of sexual partners then I'd definitely be worried that in the future that it would resort to either cheating or separation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if I don't ever want to get married 
Those you would share your icecream with and those you wouldn't? "
I don't discriminate. They're both in the, don't touch my ice cream camp |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I won't spend my evening reading this whole thread so OP I'd say first impressions count.
Also if your aren't up for a swinging relationship and the women in question has had 100s of sexual partners then I'd definitely be worried that in the future that it would resort to either cheating or separation "
Yeah that’s kind of what I was wondering and you sort of confirmed it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What if I don't ever want to get married
Those you would share your icecream with and those you wouldn't?
I don't discriminate. They're both in the, don't touch my ice cream camp "
Proper meanie |
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"What if I don't ever want to get married
Those you would share your icecream with and those you wouldn't?
I don't discriminate. They're both in the, don't touch my ice cream camp "
I should have known |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only compartmentalise feelings, emotions, trauma, memories, the healthy stuff.
If I like somebody I like them, regardless of what weird sex site I met them on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Way too complex a subject. All depends on your position.. as some maybe more lax about rules if they are in need of a wider friendship group.
People are more forgiving / naive when younger so allow second chances etc. as older we often stick with first impressions (ie compartmentalise & no chance of jumping boxes).
But a single man might have a different opinion than a married one. |
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"I won't spend my evening reading this whole thread so OP I'd say first impressions count.
Also if your aren't up for a swinging relationship and the women in question has had 100s of sexual partners then I'd definitely be worried that in the future that it would resort to either cheating or separation "
Hi Liam. I’d still dispute that. I’ve had a lot of meets on here - but pre fab I spent 20 years in 2 long term monogamous relationships - and with the ‘right’ man I’d be monogamous again if he didn’t want to swing. At the end of the day it’s about morality and trustworthiness - and that has very little to do with the number of previous partners. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I won't spend my evening reading this whole thread so OP I'd say first impressions count.
Also if your aren't up for a swinging relationship and the women in question has had 100s of sexual partners then I'd definitely be worried that in the future that it would resort to either cheating or separation
Hi Liam. I’d still dispute that. I’ve had a lot of meets on here - but pre fab I spent 20 years in 2 long term monogamous relationships - and with the ‘right’ man I’d be monogamous again if he didn’t want to swing. At the end of the day it’s about morality and trustworthiness - and that has very little to do with the number of previous partners. "
Agreed. It’s an old fashioned misconception that people with lots of sexual partners can’t be monogamous/trustworthy.
Vice versa, those with few can be dishonest cheaters.
|
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"I won't spend my evening reading this whole thread so OP I'd say first impressions count.
Also if your aren't up for a swinging relationship and the women in question has had 100s of sexual partners then I'd definitely be worried that in the future that it would resort to either cheating or separation
Hi Liam. I’d still dispute that. I’ve had a lot of meets on here - but pre fab I spent 20 years in 2 long term monogamous relationships - and with the ‘right’ man I’d be monogamous again if he didn’t want to swing. At the end of the day it’s about morality and trustworthiness - and that has very little to do with the number of previous partners.
Agreed. It’s an old fashioned misconception that people with lots of sexual partners can’t be monogamous/trustworthy.
Vice versa, those with few can be dishonest cheaters.
"
I agree too. Just because one has an account on Fab does not mean one would automatically cheat if they fell in love with someone. |
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"I won't spend my evening reading this whole thread so OP I'd say first impressions count.
Also if your aren't up for a swinging relationship and the women in question has had 100s of sexual partners then I'd definitely be worried that in the future that it would resort to either cheating or separation
Hi Liam. I’d still dispute that. I’ve had a lot of meets on here - but pre fab I spent 20 years in 2 long term monogamous relationships - and with the ‘right’ man I’d be monogamous again if he didn’t want to swing. At the end of the day it’s about morality and trustworthiness - and that has very little to do with the number of previous partners.
Agreed. It’s an old fashioned misconception that people with lots of sexual partners can’t be monogamous/trustworthy.
Vice versa, those with few can be dishonest cheaters.
"
This is true. The person who cheated on me, I was only his third sexual partner. |
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By *LiamMan
over a year ago
Midlands |
"I won't spend my evening reading this whole thread so OP I'd say first impressions count.
Also if your aren't up for a swinging relationship and the women in question has had 100s of sexual partners then I'd definitely be worried that in the future that it would resort to either cheating or separation
Hi Liam. I’d still dispute that. I’ve had a lot of meets on here - but pre fab I spent 20 years in 2 long term monogamous relationships - and with the ‘right’ man I’d be monogamous again if he didn’t want to swing. At the end of the day it’s about morality and trustworthiness - and that has very little to do with the number of previous partners.
Agreed. It’s an old fashioned misconception that people with lots of sexual partners can’t be monogamous/trustworthy.
Vice versa, those with few can be dishonest cheaters.
I agree too. Just because one has an account on Fab does not mean one would automatically cheat if they fell in love with someone."
I'm not saying that just because they are here that it's automatic cheating, but it would definitely sway my decision. Having said that I'm also not saying that the women of fab aren't marriage material.. First impressions count to me though |
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The more she's likely to want to sleep with others, the more I'm interested in her to be honest. I've always wanted partners who didn't want to be monogomous with me. From my first ever relationship on.
So to answer your question, if I was single it would make me want to be with you more, not write you off. But also know I'm not wired the same as every other guy so who knows about them. |
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