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Leaving your partner alone...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What is everyone's thoughts on arranging a great night out and really looking forward to it to then have your other half disappear leaving you with no communication, locker key, money? |
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"What is everyone's thoughts on arranging a great night out and really looking forward to it to then have your other half disappear leaving you with no communication, locker key, money? "
What's the story of the other half of this profile? |
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If my hubby done that to me I’d be fuming!!!! There would be serious words at the end of the night. Saying that I’ve always believed if you go with a partner then you should set rules/boundaries before you go so this sort of thing doesn’t happen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm presuming by the way this is written you don't usually seperate, in which case I'd be annoyed, if it hadn't been agreed prior that you would wander, maybe play seperately etc
"
Yeah I totally agree if it hadn't been agreed you'd play seperately.. though even then you wouldn't leave them out in the cold like that  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This happened last night. Nothing to do with playing etc. Too early for that. He had a bit too much to drink and just disappeared, I searched for a good hour for him and he was in the hot tub in the end. We have rules but when that happens you feel very worried! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am not going to jump to conclusions based on the snippet of info in the OP.
But my advice though for future reference is to better communicate before you go to the club and agree the ground rules e.g. maybe not to drink excessively and to stay together...if that's what you both want.
Better luck next time but I hope you still had a nice evening out.
NBVN x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Glad I found him, I was worried for myself! He had our bag that contained 1 mobile phone, our locker key, cigarette components and I had no money. Felt kinda stuck! But he was ok. |
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"Glad I found him, I was worried for myself! He had our bag that contained 1 mobile phone, our locker key, cigarette components and I had no money. Felt kinda stuck! But he was ok. "
Let us know his story when he wakes up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My thoughts would be that in the cold light of day a serious discussion would be needed as to how set boundaries had been crossed. It would be a huge breach of trust.
Only going by what would happen if this had been us.
Viv |
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I've luckily never really had much issue as the club we go to regularly doesn't take too long to do a lap of the public areas and if he's not with me he'll usually either be in the smoking area vaping or at the bar. We do play separately but I wouldn't be impressed if he went off to a private room without telling me and took a locker key we were sharing with him. We will always tell each other though and usually leave the key with the other. We sometimes get separate keys if we're not planning to spend the whole night together. I hope you two manage to agree something so you don't have a bad experience again. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I've luckily never really had much issue as the club we go to regularly doesn't take too long to do a lap of the public areas and if he's not with me he'll usually either be in the smoking area vaping or at the bar. We do play separately but I wouldn't be impressed if he went off to a private room without telling me and took a locker key we were sharing with him. We will always tell each other though and usually leave the key with the other. We sometimes get separate keys if we're not planning to spend the whole night together. I hope you two manage to agree something so you don't have a bad experience again. "
I thought couples had to stay together in clubs. |
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"I've luckily never really had much issue as the club we go to regularly doesn't take too long to do a lap of the public areas and if he's not with me he'll usually either be in the smoking area vaping or at the bar. We do play separately but I wouldn't be impressed if he went off to a private room without telling me and took a locker key we were sharing with him. We will always tell each other though and usually leave the key with the other. We sometimes get separate keys if we're not planning to spend the whole night together. I hope you two manage to agree something so you don't have a bad experience again.
I thought couples had to stay together in clubs."
Why? |
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"I've luckily never really had much issue as the club we go to regularly doesn't take too long to do a lap of the public areas and if he's not with me he'll usually either be in the smoking area vaping or at the bar. We do play separately but I wouldn't be impressed if he went off to a private room without telling me and took a locker key we were sharing with him. We will always tell each other though and usually leave the key with the other. We sometimes get separate keys if we're not planning to spend the whole night together. I hope you two manage to agree something so you don't have a bad experience again.
I thought couples had to stay together in clubs."
No. There’s no rule on that x |
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I personally would never ask strangers opinions .This is definitely a conversation we would be having in private…
I know couples that as soon as they go into a club they go their separate ways but that’s what their into and the kind of relationship they have. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I've luckily never really had much issue as the club we go to regularly doesn't take too long to do a lap of the public areas and if he's not with me he'll usually either be in the smoking area vaping or at the bar. We do play separately but I wouldn't be impressed if he went off to a private room without telling me and took a locker key we were sharing with him. We will always tell each other though and usually leave the key with the other. We sometimes get separate keys if we're not planning to spend the whole night together. I hope you two manage to agree something so you don't have a bad experience again.
I thought couples had to stay together in clubs.
Why? "
I've read it on here. Apparently so men can't go off on their own to make a nuisance of themselves.
Go as a couple, play as a couple. |
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"I've luckily never really had much issue as the club we go to regularly doesn't take too long to do a lap of the public areas and if he's not with me he'll usually either be in the smoking area vaping or at the bar. We do play separately but I wouldn't be impressed if he went off to a private room without telling me and took a locker key we were sharing with him. We will always tell each other though and usually leave the key with the other. We sometimes get separate keys if we're not planning to spend the whole night together. I hope you two manage to agree something so you don't have a bad experience again.
I thought couples had to stay together in clubs.
Why?
I've read it on here. Apparently so men can't go off on their own to make a nuisance of themselves.
Go as a couple, play as a couple. "
Fair enough. If he was the type to make a nuisance of himself in a club, we wouldn't be a couple to be honest  . |
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Happened to me not in a club but at a house party so not exactly the same scenario. I didn't have any money to get home tho and I found him in the hot tub too. It was over 2 hours after I'd said it was time for us to head home and he was "just going to say his goodbyes"
It hurts like a fucker that they don't consider worry you may have, how you may be feeling, if you're even OK. You think "they'll be back in a sec" and they don't come.
Created some aggro I can tell ya that, and I did question whether I could trust him in that respect in the future. Defo put me off putting myself in that situation again and I dreaded going to clubs after that in case something similar happened.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He went off on his own for an hour at a club you both went to together? If it was me i would assume he was there somewhere chatting.. I don't think I'd be unduly panicked? But I've not been to a club before, so maybe I'm missing something. Were you chatting /playing with others when he disappeared? |
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"He went off on his own for an hour at a club you both went to together? If it was me i would assume he was there somewhere chatting.. I don't think I'd be unduly panicked? But I've not been to a club before, so maybe I'm missing something. Were you chatting /playing with others when he disappeared? "
This!
Also, on the ‘couples should stay together’ front I’m not the ‘stay clung to each other all night’ type. I can chat for England and go to clubs to be hedonistic. I can have sex with my man at home any time, I love a play in a club and don’t need my partner there when he can have fun of his own.
That said I would feel bad if my other half was worried luckily my local club (quest) is very small and I’d normally say before I just trotted off.
He deffo owes this lady a cuddle and a bottle of wine though!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Please read my previous response. It wasn't anything to do with playing, chatting. We are usually very chatty people and have a rule that we don't play without the other being there. To be left alone without our mutual bag and spend most the night searching for the other is what happened. It is not a pleasant experience. |
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"Please read my previous response. It wasn't anything to do with playing, chatting. We are usually very chatty people and have a rule that we don't play without the other being there. To be left alone without our mutual bag and spend most the night searching for the other is what happened. It is not a pleasant experience. "
He broke the rules then.... |
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Having read the thread my opinion is you should discuss this with each other and not on a forum. Especially as you mentioned him waking up and coming on to give his side later. Not cool in my book.
Hope you work it out though  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Also, I was asking people's opinions on this site for a reason. It could be a bit awkward asking my family what they think of it. Is this not the point of the forum?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hope you work it out…
I think it’s key to talk boundaries, especially set some future ones if you didn’t have any.
If you did then that’s a real shame they were broken. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd be about as happy with them for that as I would if my partner washed our dirty laundry in public. Either type of behaviour would only happen once - we all make mistakes and maybe don't see things the same way. In either instance there would be a private chat afterwards where I would explain how I felt in response to their behaviour and that it isn't a feeling I'm prepared to accept.
Aside from the above, I would be incredibly shocked if either of these things happened - it's not who we are.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i had a male do this to me.each time we went to a club he would disappear and try to get with as many woman there as he could. Worst was when he met up with a woman at a club and spend the entire 4 hours with her. I coudnt leave as we were 90 mins drive from where i live so i chatted to other people there. I dont see him now as he is blocked |
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"Also, I was asking people's opinions on this site for a reason. It could be a bit awkward asking my family what they think of it. Is this not the point of the forum?? "
And I gave mine. I see this as washing dirty linen in public. Something I wouldn’t be comfortable with. You don’t need to agree with my opinion. Nobody else has said it so most probably don’t agree with it either. That’s fine too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ban the alchohol, I have a no alchohol rule when I go to a club and avoid those who are drinking. If I go to a club with my partner he doesn't drink either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ban the alchohol, I have a no alchohol rule when I go to a club and avoid those who are drinking. If I go to a club with my partner he doesn't drink either."
Hope you sort it, not a nice situation to be in for sure |
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"Also, I was asking people's opinions on this site for a reason. It could be a bit awkward asking my family what they think of it. Is this not the point of the forum?? "
No-one else’s opinion matters though, only yours!
If you’re prepared to let him break the rules then carry on as you are, if not then address it with him.
People have offered advice and opinions, take them on board of course but it’s your decision, it’s your relationship!
You asked for opinions.. you won’t like them all
Pixie |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've luckily never really had much issue as the club we go to regularly doesn't take too long to do a lap of the public areas and if he's not with me he'll usually either be in the smoking area vaping or at the bar. We do play separately but I wouldn't be impressed if he went off to a private room without telling me and took a locker key we were sharing with him. We will always tell each other though and usually leave the key with the other. We sometimes get separate keys if we're not planning to spend the whole night together. I hope you two manage to agree something so you don't have a bad experience again.
I thought couples had to stay together in clubs."
No they don't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I totally get where your coming from particularly as this seems like it was a breach of the rules that you have. I also get the part about worrying about your personal safety because even though there is no rule saying you must stay together in a club and every couple's different if that's your rule then it's definitely a breach of trust.
Swinging only works if you both agree and stick to the rules.. |
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"Also, I was asking people's opinions on this site for a reason. It could be a bit awkward asking my family what they think of it. Is this not the point of the forum??
And I gave mine. I see this as washing dirty linen in public. Something I wouldn’t be comfortable with. You don’t need to agree with my opinion. Nobody else has said it so most probably don’t agree with it either. That’s fine too. "
I said something similar and totally agree with you Maybe we are just old school in our ways  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you need to have an honest conversation with each other and don't go to a club again until you have set boundaries in place that you are both happy with and you can fully trust each other not to break the rules you set. |
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"Also, I was asking people's opinions on this site for a reason. It could be a bit awkward asking my family what they think of it. Is this not the point of the forum??
And I gave mine. I see this as washing dirty linen in public. Something I wouldn’t be comfortable with. You don’t need to agree with my opinion. Nobody else has said it so most probably don’t agree with it either. That’s fine too. I said something similar and totally agree with you Maybe we are just old school in our ways ."
Yeah maybe x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, I was asking people's opinions on this site for a reason. It could be a bit awkward asking my family what they think of it. Is this not the point of the forum??
And I gave mine. I see this as washing dirty linen in public. Something I wouldn’t be comfortable with. You don’t need to agree with my opinion. Nobody else has said it so most probably don’t agree with it either. That’s fine too. "
It's exactly the answer I gave. Judging by the PM response it seems that when the OP asked for opinions they very definitely didn't want those opinions to be about the posting of the thread, only the stated subject matter ...
Mr
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Moral of the story is, communication, communication and more communication. Swinging is an ongoing communication, debriefing and updating.
Debrief now after the suitation, update and agree a plan going forward. |
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"What is everyone's thoughts on arranging a great night out and really looking forward to it to then have your other half disappear leaving you with no communication, locker key, money? "
They would no longer be my partner... no ifs or buts with behaviour like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is everyone's thoughts on arranging a great night out and really looking forward to it to then have your other half disappear leaving you with no communication, locker key, money? "
My ex husband used to do things like that - he was generally even tempered but would explode over stupid things and storm off without an explanation or thought.  |
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"I've luckily never really had much issue as the club we go to regularly doesn't take too long to do a lap of the public areas and if he's not with me he'll usually either be in the smoking area vaping or at the bar. We do play separately but I wouldn't be impressed if he went off to a private room without telling me and took a locker key we were sharing with him. We will always tell each other though and usually leave the key with the other. We sometimes get separate keys if we're not planning to spend the whole night together. I hope you two manage to agree something so you don't have a bad experience again.
I thought couples had to stay together in clubs.
Why?
I've read it on here. Apparently so men can't go off on their own to make a nuisance of themselves.
Go as a couple, play as a couple. "
clubs we go to have this rule |
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"I've luckily never really had much issue as the club we go to regularly doesn't take too long to do a lap of the public areas and if he's not with me he'll usually either be in the smoking area vaping or at the bar. We do play separately but I wouldn't be impressed if he went off to a private room without telling me and took a locker key we were sharing with him. We will always tell each other though and usually leave the key with the other. We sometimes get separate keys if we're not planning to spend the whole night together. I hope you two manage to agree something so you don't have a bad experience again.
I thought couples had to stay together in clubs.
Why?
I've read it on here. Apparently so men can't go off on their own to make a nuisance of themselves.
Go as a couple, play as a couple.
clubs we go to have this rule"
Interesting, I've never encountered it before. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I've luckily never really had much issue as the club we go to regularly doesn't take too long to do a lap of the public areas and if he's not with me he'll usually either be in the smoking area vaping or at the bar. We do play separately but I wouldn't be impressed if he went off to a private room without telling me and took a locker key we were sharing with him. We will always tell each other though and usually leave the key with the other. We sometimes get separate keys if we're not planning to spend the whole night together. I hope you two manage to agree something so you don't have a bad experience again.
I thought couples had to stay together in clubs.
Why?
I've read it on here. Apparently so men can't go off on their own to make a nuisance of themselves.
Go as a couple, play as a couple.
clubs we go to have this rule"
I've definitely read it on here more than once.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is everyone's thoughts on arranging a great night out and really looking forward to it to then have your other half disappear leaving you with no communication, locker key, money? "
Why did he disappear? Were you shagging someone and he got bored of waiting? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's impossible to say without hearing both sides of the story. FWIW, one exercise I have found very useful to resolve conflict is for each person to write out what happened but from the point of view of a neutral third party who only has the best interests of both people in mind. The idea is it forces each person to try and see what happened from the other's point of view and then spend time understanding why each person behaved as they did. I feel it's a necessary step to either forgiveness or moving on/closure. |
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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago
milton keynes |
"What is everyone's thoughts on arranging a great night out and really looking forward to it to then have your other half disappear leaving you with no communication, locker key, money?
Why did he disappear? Were you shagging someone and he got bored of waiting?"
Hahahaha brilliant |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
And I gave mine. I see this as washing dirty linen in public. Something I wouldn’t be comfortable with. You don’t need to agree with my opinion. Nobody else has said it so most probably don’t agree with it either. That’s fine too. "
I agree. Sorry OP, for me it’s a red flag and would be potentially off putting. Different if it’s a solo profile and your partner can’t see the thread.
Viv |
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